A Secret Plan to Fight Eviction

S14E06

Tonight's episode is preceded by an in memoriam photo of Sherman Hemsley, who after all used to be one of CBS's biggest stars. So I guess it's only a matter of time before Charlie Sheen's mug is in this spot.

Welcome to the Willie-free portion of the season, which is going to be a lot longer than the producers probably planned. Sunday's show ended with his summary removal from the house for pushing Joe with his face, so now we have to flash back to that incident. Tiny little Ian admits that he wanted to break it up, but was too scared. Britney says she's down a player through no fault of her own or her other players. Shane also regrets his loyalty to Willie, which he says is now making him the biggest target in the house. As for Dan, he's gamed it out and figures that Frank will likely nominate two of the three people who voted against him last week, those being Shane, JoJo, and his own last player, Danielle. That's Dan, always half a move ahead of everyone else. Which, after all, is usually all it takes.

Meanwhile, Mike, Frank, and Janelle (who apparently has ditched Britney for good) go up to the HoH room to celebrate, and Mike Diary Rooms that they'll get to nominate and evict someone else on top of Willie. "Two for one, baby!" he crows. After things calm down in the HoH room (and Jenn joins them), Janelle suggests nominating Shane. Mike, however, proposes a plan that even he says is "crazy" and "very risky": nominate Danielle and one of their own players (meaning Janelle's, although he doesn't say so) to keep Shane and JoJo from even playing in the Power of Veto competition this week, and then backdoor one of them when his side inevitably wins. Eyes roll all around the room like pinballs, but Frank seems interested. Easy for him to say, since he's not going anywhere this week no matter what. Well, unless Joe calls him a name.

Shane and JoJo moan about their bleak future this week, now that Willie's absence makes them both targets. JoJo goes for a private talk with Frank, and says she and Shane got screwed. Frank reminds her that he warned her not to vote with Willie this past week, and isn't impressed with her appeal now.

And now it's nomination day, eleven minutes into a Wednesday night episode. It's a topsy-turvy world. Frank calls the meeting without any introspective narration. He reminds everyone that Ashley's safe, since Janelle granted her immunity after winning the coaches' competition. So the other safe people this week are, in order, Jenn, Ian, Joe, Wil, and Danielle, leaving Shane and JoJo as the nominees, just as they feared. I'm only disappointed that we didn't get to see Mike's idiot plan play out and blow up in his pointy-ass face.

Post-noms, Shane and Britney head in to the Have-Not room so he can ask her for advice. All she can say is that it'll be a long week and he needs to "reintegrate" himself. Britney's completely adrift, and as JoJo joins them, they complain some more. But at least they're complaining as a team.

Mike points out to Frank up in HoH that Danielle got a free ride this week, not being nominated or being a Have Not. Mike DRs that she might be the replacement nominee, but no matter who goes up, whether it's two players or three, only one of them is leaving this week. And thus Mike advises Frank to start making friends, because somebody's going to be staying.

It's time to pick players for the PoV competition. Frank draws Ian's name, Shane picks Ashley, and JoJo picks Wil. That's disappointing for Dan and Danielle, both of whom were hoping she'd get to play and thus avoid getting backdoored. Well, in order to save herself, she'd have to not only play, but win, so I don't think this is such a big loss.

With all the plot being crammed into this hour, we still have to spend time listening to Ashley talking about what kind of man she wants. And considering it's a long list of requirements, it fills a lot of time.

Joe appears in a sombrero and poncho, and announces to the house and most of Southern California that it's time for the Veto competition. They head outside, and pretend to be impressed by giant bowls of fake salsa and guacamole and such. As for the pitchers of margaritas, I don't think their appreciation is fake. At all. Then the six PoV players come out with giant foam rubber tortilla chip costumes draped over brightly colored unitards. "This is the coolest thing ever," says Ashley, who is rapidly becoming the Luna Lovegood of the house.

The deal is that there are boards hidden in each giant bowl with menu items printed on them. The players will have to fish them out, then go to their own menu board and fill in the slots with those boards, the goal being to match the menu already set up at the other side of the yard. Which is faced away from the playing field, by the way, so there's going to be a lot of running back and forth. The first to correctly finish and close their menu and ring their bell wins the PoV.

Shane DRs that he's going home if he doesn't win it. JoJo says only she can guarantee her own safety, while Frank says he wants to win, keep the nominations the same, and get Britney down to one player .

The horn sounds, and some of the players (like Shane) go right for the bowls while others bypass them to check the menu before starting. Ian DRs that it's a memory game, and his is practically photographic. Ashley sloooowly describes in the DR how she memorized the first few letters of each menu. With all the dip-covered players running around, it's getting increasingly slippery on the playing field -- and tough to tell who's in the lead, at least until Ian's almost finished.

By M. Giant

Shane rushes to slot his last two pieces into place without checking to see if they're right, but at least he gets his bell rung first. Ian is the second to lock in his answer, then JoJo, then Frank, then Wil, and then at long long last, Ashley, taking her sweet time while everyone bakes patiently in the sun. "SHE IS SLOWER THAN POND-WATER," Joe bellows in the DR.

And then, when it's time for players to start revealing their answers, it turns out she got three of them wrong anyway. Janelle pretends to be impressed with Ashley's performance in the DR; either that or she's doing a bit. Wil has a perfect score, so he steals the lead from Ashley. Big surprise. Frank also got a perfect score, and faster than Wil. So did JoJo, and faster than Frank. Ditto with Ian. Now it's just a question of whether Shane got them all right, because if he didn't, Ian wins the Veto, and if he did, Shane wins it for himself. And he... well, we won't know until after the ads, I guess.

Some time after the ads, in fact, because there's a whole long replay of the last moments before the break. But when Shane finally opens his menu and reveals his answers, he got a perfect score as well. So he wins the second PoV in as many competitions, and he takes a celebratory dive into the giant guacamole bowl, where Britney happily joins him. Frank thinks Shane will come after him week, and regrets not using Mike's stupid idea. Because that would have gone so much better. "Time to go to work," Dan mutters to Danielle.

Dan goes into the Have-Not room with Danielle and tells her that if he tries to help her, she's doomed. She points out that Dan helped Kara. "And look what happened," Dan reminds her. Yeah, duh, Danielle. It seems like Dan's giving up on her, but Dan DRs that this is one of his coaching techniques to motivate his players to help themselves. Okay, then, maybe he should have picked players instead of cute chicks. Shane enters the room, and Dan takes his leave. Danielle seems to realize this is her cue, so she asks Shane if he'll vote for JoJo to stay. Shane's not committing to anything, so after that totally draining exchange, Danielle heaves a resigned sigh and leaves the room to go cry by herself. Well, clearly Dan's coaching technique didn't work.

Shane tells JoJo about Danielle's emotional state, and says that he plans to go to Frank tomorrow and tell him to nominate Wil and backdoor him. JoJo's down with this, even though Wil hasn't been a target for anyone, as far as we've seen, with the possible exception of Willie. The carrot Shane plans to use on Frank is a promise that neither he, nor JoJo, nor Danielle will go after him week. Okay, good luck with that.

The morning, Shane and Frank settle in for an early chat in the backyard. Shane floats his idea to backdoor Wil, who has somehow arisen as Frank's biggest threat during his lack of screen time. Frank remains poker-faced, which I think means this is going nowhere.

Shane gets ready to convene the Veto ceremony. There's not much suspense as to whether he's going to use the PoV, but the question is who Frank's replacement nominee is going to be. Frank DRs that he's considering Wil, but he's not sure. Danielle is basically a complete stress-monkey who feels like nobody loves her.

Shane calls everyone inside for the meeting and, to the shock of nobody, uses the Veto on himself. Frank stands up and says it's no fun to nominate people, but he's decided to nominate Danielle, which isn't much more of a surprise. In the DR, Frank explains that it's too early to go after Janelle's players, while Danielle feels abandoned, and has to "fight to stay here." So far she's fighting like a dandelion seed, so I guess anything's possible. JoJo says she wants it and deserves it more than Danielle does. But Dan says in the DR that he has a secret plan to save Danielle. Britney vows that she's not going to lose a second player, so Danielle's got to go. Well, one of them will. At this point I don't care which one, I just want to find out what Dan's secret plan is.

By M. Giant

M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.