So HoH Daniele nominated Shelly and Adam for eviction, having learned that Brendon and Rachel are pretty much indestructible and thus leaving them alone. Adam, who has just been nominated for the third time in six weeks, says he needs to win the Veto to keep himself safe. Or he could just keep being a nonentity, which has worked for him so far. Rachel Diary Rooms about how excited she is not to be nominated, of course giving herself and Brendon total credit for this feat. Shelly is too angry about "betrayal and lies" that she's made up in her head to be mad about her actual nomination, which she didn't. As for Daniele, she repeats that this is win-win for her: if the nominations don't change, Shelly leaves. If they do, she can backdoor Brendon. Oddly, that sounds win-win for Adam, too, not that anyone talks to him. Of course, we all remember how Daniele's last win-win scenario played out.
Up in the HoH room, Daniele claims to Shelly that she isn't the target: "I need Brendon to go him this week." Shelly's fine either way, given how much she suddenly hates both Brendon and Rachel all of a sudden. Shelly tells the story about how Rachel lied and said they had a final-three deal with Shelly (complete with an editor-inserted cut of Shelly making a final-three deal with Brendon and Rachel), and Daniele, without even seeing that clip, clearly takes a moment to realize that Shelly has almost certainly dropped her basket. But she pretends to go along. "I suck at lying," Daniele mutters to herself as Shelly leaves happy.
Brendon reminds Rachel to "play smart," and they plan to win the Veto and thus make sure Shelly leaves. I don't see how that couldn't happen.
Big dumb Adam comes into the HoH room to talk to Daniele, but at least he's finally figured out that he's not the target for once; he assumes Daniele wants him to win the Veto so she can backdoor Brendon. Daniele agrees that's the plan. If that were true, I would argue that any plan calling for Adam to win something is a BAD PLAN.
Rachel wanders into a bedroom where Jeff and Jordan are, and they're joined a moment later by Rachel, and then Shelly. In front of the others, Shelly tells Rachel that Porsche exposed their three-person deal. Rachel: "What deal?" Shelly: "Exactly." Well, more or less. Kalia and Brendon wander in, and Jordan decides it's time to clear the air, as she does, and dispatches Brendon to go fetch Porsche. Shelly goes on and on about Rachel's lie about their deal, to Rachel's obvious (and possibly even sincere) confusion. When Porsche arrives, she calmly tells Shelly in front of everyone that Rachel told her that Shelly had proposed such a deal but Rachel didn't trust Shelly enough to agree to it. Rachel confirms it, and goes on to say that Shelly also suggested voting out Jordan. Shelly goes ballistic at having her loyalty questioned while Rachel gets a reluctant Brendon to back her up, belatedly. And Jordan doesn't know who to believe. I'd go with neither.
After the ads, things shift out to the backyard, where Jeff tries to calm Shelly down, saying nobody believes Rachel anyway. Jordan joins the group, and Adam, who was out smoking already, flees the scene before his presence can become relevant. That was close. Shelly continues acting like someone ran over her dog. With her other dog.
Veto competition drawing. HoH Daniele and nominees Adam and Shelly play automatically, as always. Jordan, Kalia (her first Veto competition ever), and Jeff are the other players. Brendon and Rachel are shut out, which makes them visibly unhappy, not that they're ever any other kind of unhappy. Porsche's the host again, so Shelly DRs to Brendon and Rachel, "Enjoy the view."
Porsche visits Kalia and Daniele in the HoH room, and after Daniele fucks with Porsche by asking for five minutes first, they settle down to watch the other houseguests on the monitor and talk about how they could end up backdooring Brendon and how nice it would be to get him out of the house. Well, there's a third time for everything.
Wearing a slutty-farmer's-daughter outfit, Porsche summons everyone outside for the Veto competition. The competitors are also dressed in hickwear, and the backyard is decorated like a barnyard. There's also a larger version of the "cornhole" beanbag-toss game the houseguests have apparently been playing. Jordan also outs Jeff (wearing overalls and a bandanna) as a secret boy-band fan from the DR. They'll have to toss beanbags onto a fake chicken coop roof, with the goal of getting them through the narrow chimney for a one-point "cornhole." If they miss, the beanbag will slide down the roof onto a large revolving turntable with different points marked on different areas, the goal being to score the fewest points possible. The person with the highest score each round loses. As people are eliminated, they'll get to pick a mystery prize from a number of bushels. And of course, people who get eliminated after them get to swap with them if they want. Shelly and Adam both want to win the Veto to save themselves, but Jeff is uncertain; even though he knows he could win easily, he may not want to, because if he saves Shelly then Brendon or Rachel could go up as replacements. Suddenly I want Jeff to win.
Jeff goes first and gets five points. Adam gets 13, so thanks for playing, Adam. Jordan scores seven, and as bad as Adam did, Shelly misses the board completely. Kalia scores eleven, and Daniele one, sinking it through the one-point hole. Shelly's out, so she gets to pick a prize. It's the Veto, which will be nice for her to have for about thirty seconds.
In the second round, Jordan gets the highest score and Daniele scores her second cornhole in a row, so Jordan gets a prize of 24 hours of solitary confinement. "That's a good getaway," Jeff cracks, but when Porsche adds that it comes with a call from home, Jordan tearfully takes it. Shelly takes the opportunity to hug Jordan, who suddenly offers it to her. Shelly describes it as "giving up her family for me," as though Jordan isn't going to see them again after completing her set of half-million-dollar bookends. Everyone talks about how wonderful Jordan is, and her noble sacrifice, but don't forget that Jordan has the PoV for now.
In the round, Daniele continues her perfect game, Adam, amazingly, gets a cornhole, and Kalia gets a Caribbean vacation. "There goes our honeymoon," Rachel mutters from the sidelines.
While waiting for the round to start, Adam quietly asks Jeff to let him win the Veto, and Jeff seems receptive. It's not like he wants to win it that bad anyway. Daniele even assures Jeff that he isn't the target. In round four, Daniele blows it on purpose, missing the cornhole for the first time and getting a 13. Jeff scores a 3, which looks like the worst intentional loss ever, but then Adam scores a cornhole with nothing but net. Daniele's prize is a "Veto Ticket," which automatically allows her to compete in week's Veto competition. She gives Kalia a long look (Kalia threatening a hoe-down in the DR if Daniele takes her vacation away because "A ho's gonna go down"), but Daniele opts to keep the Veto ticket, saying it's really important. "Just ask Brendon and Rachel." Zzzzzing!
Finally it's down to Adam and Jeff. Daniele decides on the spot that she's going to get rid of Brendon. Jeff purposely throws it short to keep himself out of trouble and lands it on the 8-point spot, and then Adam's throw is so over-edited I think we're going to ads before we see the result...but he got seven points, so he's the big winner. Jeff claims a prize of $5,000, and Adam pulls the card from the last bushel and reads, "HUMILITARD." I don't know what that means, but we'll be seeing Jordan in it soon enough. With many apologies, Adam swaps with her and then celebrates in the DR. But the person we're really worried about is Rachel, who complains that after Adam saves himself, she and Brendon may be nominated, so they'll have to work really hard to protect themselves. Just don't have a bunch of meltdowns, Rachel, and you'll be fine like you always are when you keep your shit together. Oh, wait.
After the PoV competition, Rachel quietly argues to Brendon in the storage room that she should go up on the block, which he shuts down, telling her to calm down before she gets them both in trouble.
Up in the HoH room, Daniele is giving Jeff her assurances that Brendon is her target. Jeff suggests getting rid of Rachel instead, but Daniele is still on Brendon's ass and wants him out. Jeff agrees with her, for his own safety. What happened to going to war for his team? I guess his team isn't as big as he might have claimed.
As a result of her solitary confinement prize (which, if I were in this house, I would physically claw through fellow humans to get at), Shelly has to lock herself in the Have-Not room for 24 hours, but she says it's worth it to get to talk to her family. "I would give anything to see them, and just to hear their voices is priceless to me." Anything except not spending the summer in the Big Brother house. While hours pass for her in the HN room, Jordan is called to the DR, and emerges minutes later in the "Humilitard," a baggy (at least on her) green unitard with a pink tutu, a dunce beanie with a propeller, and the words "I'm With Stupid" on the front. She even has to wear pigtails, which of course Jeff loves. Adam appreciates how her propeller spins whenever she walks. I hope that's not a euphemism.
Daniele and Kalia have a little check-in meeting, talking about how Brendon is doomed and how Daniele even has plausible deniability on the deal she made with them. "My HoHs rock!" she titters.
The morning, a speaker in the HN room rings, and Shelly's talking to her husband at home. He lies that she's doing awesome and adds that everyone back home is pulling for her. There's obviously a lot of crying when her eight-year-old gets on the phone with her, and almost none of it is mine. What do you want from me? I have a kid too, you know. And he's also far away from me right now. All the way upstairs. Just like that, the call's over, and Shelly collapses crying on the bed. "This by far is my happiest day in this house ever," she sobs. Yikes, hate to see what a sad day would look like.
The others go to the door of the HN room, and Daniele calls through the door that there are three hours left. Of course she's just fucking with someone again, and Shelly's welcomed back into the house.
Brendon and Rachel visit Daniele, supposedly to confirm the deal but really just to make insinuations. Brendon says that "somebody" might have thrown the Veto competition and Rachel comes right out and asks if there's a deal with Jeff. Daniele pleads ignorance, and Rachel suggests backdooring either Jeff or Jordan. Rachel brings up the "Jeff army" (Jordan, Adam, and Shelly, according to the editors), and the money Jeff keeps winning. They argue that the three of them can get through this game together, and Daniele promises again to think about it. She actually looks like she is, unfortunately. Don't do it, Daniele! Not again!
Dude, it is so weird to see Adam alone in front of the memory wall. Even weirder than he looks without his beard. Brendon DRs that he and Rachel offered Daniele "the deal of a lifetime," because everything he ever does is awesome and generous. Then he startles me a little by even sucking up to her through the DR camera, saying he can't get through the game without her. Daniele seems torn between getting rid of Brendon and needing him on her side. Jeff is just hoping he made the right decision in throwing the Veto, but worries that he might be the replacement nominee as a result. Bit late for that.
Adam calls the Veto meeting, and obviously uses it on himself. He even gives a little speech on his own behalf, talking about how hard he worked to win. Yes, he got two other people to lose on purpose, which can't be easy. It's time for Daniele to name her replacement nominee. Daniele makes her own speech, this one about twists. "Apparently this season, the twist is that we have a zombie in the house who we keep trying to kill but just won't die." So that's Brendon up, to Shelly and her terrifying Joker-grin. The Veto meeting ends on a weepy-faced Rachel. Shelly has calmed down by the time she gets to the DR and says she's not taking anything for granted, given what she knows Rachel will do to protect her "Bukie." Brendon bravados in the DR, and Daniele says she finally cut off the zombie's head. "Now we gotta deal with the zombie bride running around this place," she says, referring to Rachel. Jeff is glad he's safe, "but it sucks that we're going to lose an ally here." He hasn't decided how he's going to vote yet, which makes it easier for the promo guy to ask with a straight face who will be evicted tomorrow. A little easier, at least.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.