Julie looks almost sane in a light-gray disco suit as she brings us up to speed: Lawon volunteered to be evicted, thinking the twist would bring him back with special powers. "But what he doesn't know," Julie adds dramatically, "is that there is no special power." Then she turns to the chuckling audience and says, "I know." Was that an actual spontaneous moment? I doubt it. She reminds us that the twist is that one previously evicted houseguest will battle tonight's evictee to get back into the house, and although she leaves out the fact that Lawon never wins anything, she kind of doesn't have to.
Post-veto meeting flashback, Rachel celebrates the chance to stay in the game, and Lawon gloats that he's 99% sure that he'll be back with superpowers. Jeff DRs that he can't decide if Kalia's move was brilliant or stupid, but is leaning toward the latter. We'll see. Oh, we will see.
Lawon puts on a little show for the other newbies and Jordan, claiming not to have expected this at all. "I would not volunteer," Lawon volunteers, immediately pricking up Shelly's antennae. Who said he did?
Outside, Shelly goes one on one with Lawon, who's still putting on a show, but a bad one. He mentions talking about what'll happen after he walks out the door, which makes Shelly even more suspicious. Like who's going to lose to Rachel in a vote unless they want to?
Shelly heads right up to the HoH room and asks Kalia if Lawon volunteered. Kalia barely wakes up from her nap and says, "Yeah," so there's that brilliant plan in the Dumpster, now that blabbermouth Shelly knows about it.
Sure enough, she goes right to Jeff and Jordan, who suspected nothing. When Lawon comes in to pretend some more, Shelly stands there making angry clown faces. Jeff doesn't really care about Lawon's performance, since he's leaving anyway.
As far as we know, Rachel still doesn't know anything about this, so she goes to Kalia and Daniele (whose hair is a tribute to the late Amy Winehouse right now) to make a deal for their votes. Kalia thinks Porsche and Shelly will vote the way she tells them to, and that she'll be able to break a tie if there is one. She and Daniele just want to make sure the deal is kept quiet. Looks like there might be a deal, even as Rachel DRs, "If these two girls are actually stupid enough to keep me in the house this week, they're gonna definitely feel the wrath of Rachel." And Daniele still hates Rachel. So this is an uneasy truce at best.
Rachel heads down to the Have-Not room to tell Jordan that there was no deal. Shelly comes in and tells Rachel not to listen to them. In fact, she and Jordan half-jokingly threaten to vote her out if she goes up to the HoH room again.
Shelly's move is to go to Daniele, who's also pretending Lawon's as crazy as Rachel. The editors give her a little assist by showing Lawon lathering up his entire face. Shelly mentions Rachel's visit to the HoH room, and how she was acting like she made a deal when she came back, which she totally wasn't. But Daniele completely believes Shelly's story, and why the hell wouldn't she?
Daniele then goes back to Kalia to relay Shelly's story, and they're both pissed off at Rachel's big mouth, and are seriously considering bailing on the deal to save her. "I will also sock her in the jaw," Kalia threatens. What are the chances that Rachel will get voted out and then have to "battle" Brendon to get back in? And won't they just then battle to lose so the other one can go back? I'm seriously asking, I haven't watched to the end as I write this. (As I revise it, however, all I have to say is...grrrrrr.)
Group Chenterview in the living room. Julie asks Daniele if the twist has affected her game this week. Daniele gives a non-answer about doing what you have to do no matter what. Julie asks Shelly about all the tears this week, and Shelly admits the house makes people crazy, like we hear every year. She adds that they'll try to get Adam crying, or at least make him shave something else. Jordan also talks about her emotional meltdown this week, after almost two weeks of slop and the Have-Not bed. Julie's question is to Jeff, asking if the game is harder past the halfway point. Jeff's more about comparing this season to his season, but admits it's harder.
Moving on: Julie's going to check in with some of Rachel's enemies from last year. First is Ragan, who's grown his hair out. Replay of a couple of their fights, but now they're friends outside the house. They work out and drink together, "which is Rachel's favorite pastime, and believe it or not, I'm going to be in Rachel's wedding party!" I don't believe it.
Matt from last year also shows up, getting a big "Booky" hug from Ragan. They watch some of Rachel's lowlights from the last week, which Ragan describes as "crybernating." Aw, I miss Ragan. He explains that this is her first time in the Big Brother house without Brendon. Scene of Rachel with zit medicine on her chin talking to Brendon through a camera. Ragan compares her to a slasher-movie killer who keeps coming back. Dammit, he's right, as always. And that was all of Rachel's enemies we get to see. What, no Britney? She could usually be counted on to be way funnier than anyone named Britney has a right to be.
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Solo HoH Chenterview with Kalia. Julie asks her what her biggest challenge as HoH was, and she says it's the twist. When Julie asks if she's happy with how things are playing out, she says something about leaps of faith. As far as all the effort she's put into making up with Jeff and Jordan, she says she just misses their friendship. So that's it.
Back to the living room. Rachel's speech is pretty standard, with shout-outs to her family and thanking everyone, reminding them there's a twist. Lawon whoops when he stands up, saying he loves everyone and isn't going to say anything mean, telling them all to do what's best for them.
The voting begins. Jordan goes first, voting to evict Lawon. Jeff votes the same, and we go to the ads with a 2-0 count, and no idea what Kalia and Daniele ultimately decided.
We come back in time to see Porsche vote to evict Lawon, so the best he can hope for now is a tie. Then Daniele grits her teeth, knowing she'll regret it, and votes to evict Lawon. Shelly does the same, as does Adam, making it unanimous. Julie breaks the news that Lawon has been evicted 6-0, and he almost keeps a straight face before getting up to hug everyone. In the middle of the goodbyes, Julie tells them all to sit their asses back down. And now is when she tells Lawon and the others that Lawon will have to fight his way back in, and against one of the former houseguests. Rachel sits there with her mouth open for so long her tongue dries out, which is ironic because her pants are almost certainly wet at the same time.
Before going to ads, we get a glimpse at the four previously evicted houseguests -- Keith, Cassi, Dominic, and Brendon -- waiting around in the backyard together. Julie gets on the viewscreen with them to say hi, and remarks that this is the first time Keith has seen the people who followed him out. Of course all three ex-newbies are surprised to see Brendon there. Keith also mentions that he, Cassi, and Dominic had an alliance. He probably doesn't know that that alliance has a very good chance of being fully reunited in a very short time. Dominic talks about how much he wants to get back into the game, and so does Brendon, reminding everyone of how he heroically sacrificed himself to save Rachel because of how awesome he is and really wants to get back in the game. Julie tells them that Lawon and Rachel were the nominees this week, and Brendon's reaction mirrors Rachel's when he hears that Lawon was the evictee. We'll be finding out which of these four America voted to have a chance to come back over the break. Don't fuck this up, America!
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When we come back, everyone's back in the backyard, waiting for Julie to tell them who Lawon will be facing off against, per America's vote. And after more than two million votes, she says it's...neither Keith or Cassi. Oh, come on, Julie, you know damn well who it is. Julie says it was close between Dominic and Brendon but...Brendon gets another shot. Oh, America, you idiot.
So it's time for Lawon and Brendon to compete. It's basically an arcade hoop-shooting game, but with a whole shitload volleyballs that each have the name of one of the fourteen houseguests printed on it. The one who sinks a full set fastest wins, but there's only room for fourteen in the basket. The one who comes closest to finishing in three minutes wins, but there are also tiebreakers which Julie explains but I'm not going to because with Brendon going against Lawon, tiebreakers are going to be about as relevant as time travel.
Balls start getting launched into the yard from overhead, and Rachel is of course immediately cheering Brendon on. Brendon takes an early lead, and Rachel is helping him from the sidelines, calling out the colors Brendon needs to find. With two minutes left it's seven to three, with Brendon in the lead. Other houseguests are also calling colors out to Lawon, but it's not helping him much as he keeps missing the hole. And you can't tell me that Rachel isn't keeping a mental list of the people who are helping out Lawon. There's one minute left, and then Brendon finishes with thirty seconds left and hits his buzzer. Lawon keeps going, in case Brendon screwed up, but he runs out of time long before he's done. Just like that, Brendon's back in the game.
MOTHERFUCKER! Okay, time he gets evicted, I'm covering it myself no matter where I am. Obviously that's the only way to make sure it takes. So that's Lawon out of the house for good. Smooth move, Kalia and Daniele. You put Brenchel back together, which would be fine, but they're together inside the house. All these people are dead to me now.
All this has burned up so much of the episode that Lawon doesn't even get an exit Chenterview, and we don't even find out who the HoH will be until Sunday. Like it matters, now that I've lost my will to live.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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