So there's the six veterans in an alliance versus the eight newbies, at least in theory, but vet Evel Dick already flipped newbie Porsche over to his side. So Head of Household Rachel nominated the duo of Keith and Porsche with the goal of evicting Keith and awarding Porsche the Golden Key, which is a free pass to the Top Ten. Not that Porsche seems to get this; she seems to think that her nomination is a ding against her. Whereas Keith is confident, figuring he's got the Regulators (the alliance consisting of himself and fellow newbies Dominic, Cassi, and Lawon) and the rest of the newbies on his side. Rachel clarifies to us in the Diary Room that Keith's the target and Porsche's the pawn. Jeff tells us it was Dick's idea, "so as long as I don't have any blood on my hands at this point, Dick, do your thing." Dick's in favor of the nominations, since they were his idea in the first place.
Keith spots Porsche "sneaking" upstairs to talk to some of the veterans (Rachel, Brendon, and Daniele) in the HoH room. Brendon tells Porsche they aren't trying to backdoor her, but she's all hurt about being on the block at all, like this is one of the twelve seasons. Brendon assures her that they picked her because she's the only new person they can trust. Wiping her eyes, stupid Porsche asks if he means that they'll let her and Keith win the Power of Veto and save themselves. As if they're talking to an idiot child, which they obviously are, Rachel and Brendon explain that she's getting the Golden Key. Also, that she'll need to throw the upcoming PoV competition, which she also doesn't get. Finally they hug her and send her on her idiot way. "What just happened right now?" Daniele asks once she's gone. They unhappily realize that Dick has brought a moron into their fold. A bigger moron than they are, I mean.
Dominic and Keith do a little celebration in the Have-Not room, and Keith says he plans to throw the Veto competition to get rid of Porsche and get the Golden Key. Dominic thinks that's a great plan. So the target's happy, and the anointed one is having a meltdown. It's opposite house.
Later, Keith is talking to fellow Have-Nots Cassi and Kalia about Porsche's flip to the other side. Kalia, who isn't in on the Regulators alliance, advises Keith to talk to the veterans about it, but Keith doesn't think so, since he's got the numbers without them. As Lawon enters, Keith further explains that if he and Porsche Veto themselves, Lawon and Kalia are likely to get backdoored instead, and with Porsche able to vote with the vets, the newbies won't be able to stop the veterans from getting their way. After Kalia leaves, Keith stresses to Lawon that he needs to bring Kalia on board. Lawon gets it.
morning, Dick is called to the DR. With a loud belch, he slowly comes in from the back yard, and the moment is stretched out as long as possible, so we know that what we know is coming is coming now. He's in there for a long time as the houseguests go about their boring business, until they eventually notice his absence after more than an hour. Jeff decides to go look for him, but he doesn't seem to be anywhere. People are starting to worry, particularly the veterans. But not about Dick, obviously, because who would worry about him except as your evil ally? After an indeterminate amount of time, Rachel is called to the DR, which clues even Jordan in to the fact that Dick isn't still in there. But they're not going to find out what's up until after the commercials.
Post-ad break, there's a replay of Rachel heading into the DR. "Now can we start conspiracy theories?" Jeff asks. When Rachel emerges shortly thereafter, she gathers everyone in the living room to read them an announcement from Big Brother: "Houseguests: Due to an urgent personal matter, Dick had to unexpectedly leave the Big Brother game. This summer, everyone's playing in pairs, and Daniele no longer has a partner due to circumstances beyond her control. As a result, she will be given the first Golden Key. Daniele, this means you will be guaranteed a spot in the Top ten. Until then, you will not compete in any competitions, but you will be allowed to vote." Daniele doesn't look as happy about this as you might think; she tells the DR that she wants to know her dad's okay, regardless of their relationship. Adam says it was scary to play against Dick, amazing to play with him, but Dick's departure is "pretty sad." Jeff says they may never know what happened to him (we should be so lucky), but they have to "buckle down, focus, and start playing this game." But first, Daniele wants to cry to Brendon and Rachel in the DR, saying of Dick and Big Brother, "this is his life, which is disgusting and embarrassing [heh], but he's not just gonna leave for nothing." Daniele realizes that their whole alliance is numerically screwed, and now that she can't play in any competitions for four weeks, "Why am I here?" In other words, she's crying over what they were all mocking Porsche for crying over earlier. In fact, they've already given up, now that it's five veterans against eight newbies. Jordan comes in, saying that Keith was smiling downstairs. Brendon heads for the door like he's going to crack some skulls, but the women try desperately to talk him down. Even Jeff tells him, "Relax, dude," when he joins the veterans' caucus. Most of them whine about how it's impossible for them to win now, and it's completely "unfair." Jeff is the only one who's looking at this constructively as they kvetch about how the second chance they got at this is now in the dumper. He agrees that it sucks, but whining about it won't get them anywhere, and goes all Patton on them. After all, did America give up when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
Downstairs, Keith quietly celebrates that with Dick gone, "Now I can make my move on Dani." Oh, grody. Dude has a one-track mind, and that track is sticky. Some of the other newbies, like Cassi and Shelly and Dominic, aren't too pleased with Keith's poor timing and diplomacy skills.
Meanwhile, Keith declares in the DR that he's going to be the "hero" and "save the day" be "exposing" Porsche and Kalia as the two people he doesn't trust. So he calls a bunch of the newbies into the Have-Not room and accuses Porsche and Kalia of being in bed with the veterans. Which Porsche is, but as Kalia says in the DR, "I literally am looking at him like he has three heads because I'm hoping that maybe he'll grow two more and the two others will make more sense than he does." Keith goes on, and even his fellow Regulator Lawon DRs that Keith's a "time bomb." Dominic reasonably asks Keith why Kalia and Porsche would flip. "'Cause they got 'em fooled," Keith grins idiotically, thinking it's possible for two people in this house to be stupider than he is. One, I'll give him, but Kalia isn't it. Dominic is also worried about Keith, but he explains the scenario to him: with one veteran gone and a second one out of competitions, it's eight against four. Adam agrees in the DR that Keith is "losing his mind," and Porsche is only too happy to let Keith run his mouth. "I got your back, a hundred percent," Dominic tells Keith, and then exchanges nervous glances with the rest of the newbies, like "We have to ditch this guy fast." Hee.
Rachel, wearing an "I [heart] My Hubby" tank top, announces that it's time to select the PoV players. She gives Daniele the Golden Key. "If you guys need me, I'll see you on Thursdays," Daniele says gracelessly as she loops it over her neck. She's finally figured out that she can use this to her advantage by building relationships with all the other houseguests. That should work well, considering how likable and warm she is. Brendon and Rachel are playing automatically, since she's HoH, and nominees Keith and Porsche are automatically in as well. Keith still thinks he's perfectly safe to throw the PoV competition, even though now the entire newbie caucus is worried about him. Rachel draws the third couple at random, and it's Jeff and Jordan, so that's a full house for the veterans in this competition. Rachel names Adam as the PoV competition host. Porsche DRs that she plans to send Keith packing and get the Golden Key. But doesn't Daniele already have it for this week? I don't know.
Up in the HoH room, most of the remaining veterans (save Jordan) decide they should probably make sure Porsche knows what she's supposed to do. That is a very wise decision. Porsche joins them and says she's now all over getting rid of Keith, and is prepared to throw the PoV competition to do it. "It's not rocket science," Brendon says out of nowhere. "But if it was, I'd be good at that, too." Actually, Brendon, it's "if it were," you neanderthal.
Dressed in a Keystone Kops outfit, Adam metal-roars that it's time for the Veto competition. The backyard is decorated like a cityscape, with three cardboard skyscrapers with busted-out sections. This allows Jeff (in yellow-and-green superhero tights) to get in a little pro-Chicago/anti-New York dig in the DR. He and the rest of the players (with Keith/Porsche in blue-and-red and Rachel and Brendon in red-and-purple) mount podiums at the end of the three lanes. Jordan makes a comment about the "focal point" on the guys' costumes, and Keith boldly proclaims in the DR, "I am Captain Veto-Thrower!" Quite a superpower there, Chief. As Adam explains, it's basically a puzzle race. Each team will race to solve their jigsaw puzzle, and one player will run to the end of the lane to collect the pieces (which will also pulley the player at the other end of the cable up into position). Stupid Jordan thinks she can lift Jeff, but he nixes that. Both veteran teams want to win, while Keith is "strategizing" with Porsche. Of course, they each think the other has no idea they're throwing the competition.
The competition starts. Jordan is glad to see Jeff can lift her, since she was worried she might be "too much jelly." Keith and Porsche are both trying to go as slowly as they can without tipping each other off. But they're still even with Jeff and Jordan. "That's why I didn't' want to do the puzzle," Jordan DRs, "'cause the person who's throwing the competition is doing better than me." Jeff is starting to get impatient with her, as he does, while Brendon and Rachel and win it easily. Adam loudly presents them with two matching PoV medals, which they gloat about in the DR. "How do you think we could have done better?" Jeff asks Jordan leadingly in the DR. "I don't even know," she says, and they kiss and make up. Also together in the DR, Porsche and Keith put on a big show for each other about how hard it was when we both know they sucked wind totally on purpose. Which, okay, is funny. In the DR, Rachel hints that she might change her nomination. As if.
America's Vote. Does anyone care what food America thinks the Have-Nots should eat week? All I know is I don't.
Post-Veto competition, Brendon and Rachel decide to have a strategy meeting with Jeff. Brendon says this is an opportunity, and Rachel thinks this is an opportunity to make a new alliance. Don't overthink this, Brainiacs.
Dominic and Adam are the first to be felt out, as Brendon says that if they get left off the block, then he and Rachel expect to be safe week too, pretty much no matter what. Like it's a huge favor for them to not just nominate everyone. Dominic, not intimidated, asks Brendon what he's thinking, but Brendon gives nothing away, other than that he expects them to vote how he and Rachel tell them to. Dominic pretends to play along. Lawon and Kalia get the same treatment, and Kalia had to keep her hands over their mouth to keep from cracking up, but they both pretend to agree with everything Brendon says. Cassi and Shelly's turn, and Brendon gives his big speech about what a favor they're be doing them by not replacement-nominating them. Cassi voices her fears of the veteran alliance, which Brendon says he gets. But Rachel's considering nominating them anyway, jus to "shock the entire house," but mainly to punish Cassi for not sucking up enough.
Rachel then talks to Keith solo, asking what he'll do if she saves him and Porsche. Keith basically gives away the store, agreeing to never put up either of the remaining veterans couple for the few weeks, even though he still thinks he doesn't need to be saved. "Joke's on you," Keith DRs. Rachel adds a threat, saying they'll kick his ass if he goes back on it. She and Brendon are awfully good at overplaying their hands, aren't they? Even so, Keith pretends to be frightened by her. Which may not be as hard as it sounds, but for different reasons.
Brendon and Rachel don the PoV medals in front of the memory wall, VO boasting some more about all the control they have and misusing the word "floater" yet again. Cassi says Brendon and Rachel would be terrible players if they put up her and Shelly. Keith says he has to make the HoH couple believe he wants to be saved when "I have the numbers and I'm not worried at all." Dominic says he's still not nervous about being nominated.
Finally, Rachel calls the Veto meeting. She reminds everyone that Keith and Porsche are nominated, but she and Brendon have the Power of Veto to take them off the block and nominate a different duo. She invites them to convince her to use it. Porsche goes first, claiming that she and Keith want to compete and stay in the house a little longer. Keith doesn't even bother making a case. And Rachel announces that they aren't using the Veto, so the last fifteen minutes were a complete waste of airtime. End of Veto meeting.
Rachel DRs that the plan is still to give Porsche the Golden Key and get rid of Keith. Porsche is finally on board with the plan, happy to see Keith on his way out. Keith is even happier, confident that Porsche is going home. Dominic DRs that Keith's insane. "Someone's gettin' evicted, "he boldly declares. Don't waggle that finger so hard when you're out there on that limb, Dominic. First eviction and a new HoH Thursday night, y'all. And I'm always happy when two houseguests leave in one week.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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