Julie looks like a bride on Star Trek as she brings us up to speed on the developments so far: Andrew and Kathy are the two nominees. "It's been said that actions speak louder than words, "Julie says, "but in this game, one wrong word could send you packing." Which has nothing to do with anything, and is probably just one of those transition lines they have in the hopper to throw in when nothing else comes to mind. And then whatever is left over at the end of the season gets sold to astrologers.
Flashback to Andrew "warning" Brendon and Rachel that he's coming after them, and then asking Brendon to save him with the PoV. Which of course makes no sense to anybody, least of all Britney, who makes a very entertaining Rachel-face in the Diary Room. "I am so sick of living in a house full of haters!" Rachel blares. Damn, Rachel, there's a microphone in the Diary Room. You don't have to project to the ones out in the back yard. Kathy says she'll just have to fight, and Andrew says he was trying to make people think he was going after the couple. Yeah, we got that, except he did it in a way that nobody would ever do it. That's kind of where his master plan falls down.
Brendon asks Rachel why she's mad at him, which she is. Brendon says he knew Andrew was going to do it, which of course pisses off Rachel even more. "Who's he in a relationship with, Andrew or me?" I used to think I hated the word "showmance," but in that sentence, I kind of missed it. And now Andrew's doomed, because you know what Rachel does to people who get between her and her man.
Up in the HoH room, Matt, Lane, and Ragan weren't fooled for a second. Lane even comments, "Rachel oversold it," which is awesome. The one person in the little conspiracy who didn't know it was going to happen. Matt calls Andrew up to the HoH room to warn him that the vote is shifting the wrong way because nobody was fooled, thanks to Rachel's overreaction. Is it possible that Andrew actually out-idioted Matt?
Outside, Rachel accuses Brendon of "keeping secrets" from her. Brendon gets all mushy, even says, "I love you," but when he goes in for a kiss, she recoils. "I just don't like it when people try to mess with me," she says. Cold! "I hope you guys now what you're doing, because you're playing with fire. And I am fire!" Was this girl raised on soap operas or what?
Kathy tells Ragan about becoming a mother at 18, and having cancer, and now she's trying to get the money for her son for when she gets leukemia from the chemo. Ragan gives her encouragement, and DRs that he's reconsidering his earlier plan to vote to keep Andrew. But as we'll soon learn, Kathy could have spent that time telling Ragan about her favorite breakfast cereals. Observe:
Kathy has a similar conversation with Kristen, while Andrew glares from across the yard, feeling jealous. And in the Have-Not room, he has himself a cry that spills over into a DR speech about how hard it is not to have anyone to talk to. And then he storms into the bathroom to tell Kristen not to "play" him any more, whatever that's supposed to mean. Kristen objects, and follows him into the bedroom so they can continue their argument about whose fault it is that they haven't been communicating. Jeez, Andrew, do you really think you can win this fight? It's Big Brother 101: don't start shit with people who can vote you out. It turns into a shouting match, and everyone stops what they're doing to listen. Well played, Andrew. Not. And we still don't know which breakfast cereals are Kathy's favorite.
Meanwhile, the Brigade decides that since Andrew has just made himself the big target, that'll keep them out of the crosshairs for week, which they still think Andrew will be around for. "We gotta play this one smart, man," Enzo says. Well, there's a first time for everything.
Group Chenterview. Julie starts with Rachel, asking how surprised she is to not be nominated this week. She says she's thankful, and she'll do whatever she can to stay, and keep Brendon. So I guess they made up. Julie turns to Lane to ask what he misses most about home, and Lane answers "spotlighting," which Julie remembers from last night as shooting at eyes in trees in the dark. Then Julie asks Enzo about the Henry Higgins routine Britney's been pulling with him, and plays a little herself. She prompts him to say, "I reckon I'm not gonna be on slop week," which is her setup to say that nobody will be on slop this week. What, did they run out? Or did they just run out of alliterative but gross food combos to have as the alternative?
Time to check in with Matt's wife in Chicago, who says that Matt is "extremely intelligent, but he lacks all common sense." Awesome. Scene of her hosting a viewing party at her place. After all her friends watch her husband claim she has a rare bone disease, she tells us she was shocked, and disagreed with the move, but played into it with the HoH letter she wrote it to help him out anyway. Scene of Matt talking to Rachel and Brendon about it, and looking guilty when Brendon promises to see what he can do after the game. And looking even guiltier when Kathy and Andrew talk about how low it would be to claim that a loved one is on a deathbed. "Totally," Matt says unconvincingly.
Time for the HoH Chenterview. She gets right to the point of his lie about his wife, and he smugly says it's working. As to whether he's offending anyone, he says he's sure he is, but he's got to do what he's got to do. Julie asks Matt why he didn't nominate Brendon and Rachel, and claims to have made a deal with them, of which we've seen zero evidence. Either he's lying or the editors blew it, and I don't really care which. Julie asks who the weak link in the Brigade is, and Matt says it's Hayden, because he's not looking in a mirror.
Julie switches channels to the living room to talk to the nominees. Kathy makes a speech about her love, morals, faith, integrity, and loyalty, and tells her family, "See you soon." Hopeful, that, but Andrew's about to blow her out of the water. He gets up, wastes precious seconds telling them that he needs to talk fast, and outs Kristen and Hayden's secret "showmance." Which is awesome, although maybe he could have mentioned this earlier. He claims that he's overheard them shit-talking other houseguests, and gets into specifics, naming names of people he says they talked about. Going too far, Andrew. But then he floors it, putting down Kristen and telling Hayden to get away from her because he's a good guy. Which is just going to remind everyone about his fight with Kristen and decide he's petty and full of shit, if not actively insane. "Captain Kosher out," he concludes. Julie shuts down whatever Kristen was about to say (after all, she's gotten her thirty seconds of screen time this week), because it's time to vote. Hmmm, wonder how it's going to go?
Kristen goes into the DR to vote. You know how Julie always makes an inane little remark before each person's vote? I normally don't recap them, because they're inane. But as Kristen sits down, Julie remarks, "Given his last plea speech, her vote should be no surprise." Way to rewrite on the fly! Kristen unsurprisingly votes to evict Andrew. So does Rachel, still laughing at what she just witnessed in the living room. We see her and Britney kvelling together as they meet in the hallway outside the DR -- and those two hate each other -- before Britney casts a third vote for Andrew. More votes after the ads.
After the ads, Julie actually seems to be enjoying herself as she throws it to Enzo, who votes to evict Andrew. That's a tie at best for Andrew. And Brendon makes it official, regretfully. Lane also boots Andrew, as does Hayden. As for Ragan, he tells Julie, "I vote to institutionalize and evict Andrew." So that's unanimous. Except for the institutionalization part, but I think that's only because they didn't know they could vote on that.
Julie breaks the news, and Andrew hugs and shakes hands with almost everyone, while the lone exception mutters, "Eight-zero, not for nothin'." Stay classy, Kristen. He pauses at the door to give everyone a mazel tov .
Out in the studio, Julie tells Andrew, "Wow, that was the best last plea speech I've ever seen." Has she seen many? Oh, except for how it didn't work, as Julie says. Andrew says it's because they're all sticking together. No, Andrew, it's because you're a loon. Julie asks him why he didn't try to blackmail Hayden and Kristen. Because it never occurred to him, obviously, although he pretends like the thought about it. Andrew says he thought this way would force them to make their own decisions, "but obviously it didn't." Uh, yeah it did. Julie asks if he regrets trying to hide his friendship with Brendon, and he blames Hayden and Kristen for how that went wrong. Julie asks Andrew about his initial suspicions about Matt's wife's alleged disease. Andrew says he didn't know about the disease and will have to look it up, so Julie informs him that it's a real disease, but Matt's wife doesn't have it. Andrew laughs that Matt just became the saboteur. Sterling timing as always, Andrew.
Farewell messages. "I can't help but feel partly responsibly for you being home right now," Matt says. Well, derr. But he is right about Andrew digging his own grave, even if Matt gave him the shovel and the plot. Kristen blames Andrew for his lack of communication. Brendon thanks him for taking the risk of being his friend, and Kathy says she hated sharing the block with him. And Rachel hollers, as she does to every evictee every week, "Ain't nobody gonna get between me and my man!" Yikes, she really does not know how that sounds, does she? Especially three times in a row. Hayden compliments Andrew on his faith, and Julie tells Andrew farewell. "I hope I did it proud, everybody," Andrew says, nakedly pandering for applause. The audience is as quiet as if he tore up a picture of the pope.
Time for the HoH competition. It's got a quiz show-slash-boxing theme, and for each question the players have to guess whether the answer is HoH, Have-Have-Not, or PoV. So it's a multiple-choice quiz show. Hayden and Britney are going up against each other first. Hayden wins the first question, which is about yesterday's PoV competition, so Britney's out. He gets to pick the two players, and he names Brendon and Rachel, because that way one of them will be out in the round no matter what. Rachel wins the question, and she picks Kristen and Hayden. Oooh! Somebody didn't discount Andrew's accusations. Kristen wins that one, and picks Kathy and Rachel. Kathy makes a wrong guess, and after a few seconds of muted volume while Rachel freaks, Julie tells Rachel, "Keep it clean" and tells her to pick the two. She picks Kristen and Enzo, and the former wins, picking Rachel and Ragan to face off. Rachel wins a third round, and Julie tells Rachel to pick the two. "Kristen and Lane," Rachel says, because they're the only two left. "Silly me," Julie says. Lane wins, which means it's down to him and Rachel. And Rachel wins HoH for the second time in four weeks, then begins crying in Brendon's arms.
Julie turns to is to tell us about a "new twist." Except it's Pandora's Box, which is not new. "And a new saboteur could be released into the Big Brother game," she reports. Excellent, because the last one worked out so well. It's another America's Vote, and this time we actually do get to vote on who it's going to be. But the person can take it or leave it, and since the offer is only $20,000 to survive the two weeks, I don't know if anyone will take it. Some of these people might just be stupid enough, so keep that in mind as you vote, America!
Julie plugs the upcoming week of shows, including the news that we'll find out who's getting he saboteur offer on Thursday. And now it's time for the eavesdropping, which is usually incredibly boring, but this week finds Kristen and Rachel in mid-argument while everyone else looks uncomfortable. Kristen yells that she knew that Rachel was already going to nominate Hayden and herself, and Rachel says, "Maybe I wasn't, maybe I will now. Thanks for making my mind up for me," That shuts Kristen up. What, she didn't learn anything from Andrew about fighting with people who can send you home? If she doesn't make peace with Rachel fast, she's in danger of actually being visible on Sunday's episode.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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