So it's Day 14, and Rachel has nominated Monet and Britney. In other words, we're two weeks in and have yet to get rid of an actual contestant. Britney Diary-Rooms about the point I made on Sunday, regarding Rachel's saying she wants to get rid of the people who are against her and Brendon: "Which is everyone except for her and Brendon." Monet DRs that she didn't punch Rachel in the face like she wanted to. This is going to be a theme with Monet tonight. As for Rachel, she claims it was a strategic move. Whatever. She and Brendon go upstairs to "unwind" in the HoH room while Britney goes into the have-not room to have herself a good cry, and Monet joins her. Ladies, these surroundings are not going to improve your mood. They complain about Rachel nominating them for personal reasons, even though they've never been anything but nice to her. "She's a stupid hooker," Monet says by way of example.
Outside. Hayden, Matt and Lane agree that the nominations have to stay the same, which means one of them must win the Power of Veto competition the day. Both Lane and Matt think they're likely replacement nominees. "This isn't the vacation I thought it was gonna be," Matt says. Well, Matt, maybe you can find another way to make things harder on yourself.
Later, Rachel guiltily invites a weepy Britney up for a talk. Britney babbles to let Rachel off the hook, then gets to the point where she swears on her engagement that she hasn't made any alliances and doesn't want to go home. Rachel says she doesn't want that either; her real target is Monet, who she claims is a "strong competitor." Which is, of course, crap. Britney DRs that she doesn't want Monet out, and promises Rachel that Andrew is the one she wants out instead. That's not going to be a tough sell for anyone. Or is it?
Later still, Brendon tries to buck up Rachel through her guilt about making Britney cry. He assures her that it's just a game, and tomorrow she'll win PoV and keep the nominations the same. See how he got that in there?
The morning, Britney tells Monet that Rachel is jealous of her, and they proceed to trash-talk the HoH some more. Britney gets in a good line: "Every time she wears a skirt I feel like STDs have gone airborne." If Britney does get evicted, can they make her a co-host?
Matt talks to Andrew about his wife's rare bone disease, which he's totally making up. [Not that it exists (it does), but that his wife has it. - Zach] Smooth move to tell the doctor about this first. There's a montage showing him shamelessly playing on everyone else's sympathies, then he promises to the DR that he'll make a donation to the foundation of the disease if he wins. Back to Andrew, who, as a doctor, doesn't buy it for a second. Too bad he doesn't have any friends to tell.
For the PoV competition, Rachel draws the "Houseguest's Choice" chip and obviously picks Brendon. Monet and Britney pick Lane and Enzo respectively, so the Brigade will be represented in the competition. For all the good it will do them.
Everyone comes out into the back yard, with the PoV players wearing shirts, ties, and sunglasses, carrying briefcases like it's the cheapest Quentin Tarantino movie ever. There are six prisoners' stocks shaped like giant dollar bills. As the host, Ragan tells the players they'll each lock themselves into a stock. The person who wins will be the one who drops out the closest to an hour -- without going over, because Big Brother hates it when people go over. Once everyone's locked in, the clock starts. "Meow Meow," murmurs Enzo. Wasn't that supposed to be a secret nickname? Brendon's visibly counting seconds and so is Monet, who DRs that she worked out the number of seconds in an hour: "Sixty times sixty -- twelve hundred." Okay, send her home right now, just for that. Enzo, however, is taking a mental trip to the Jersey shore, which he says takes about an hour. After a little time, a plastic dollar bill attached to a little motor starts slapping the players in the face, over and over. Alas, the bills are flexible and don't seem to hurt much. They stop just under 25 minutes, which throws Rachel off because she was using hers to keep track of time. Britney says she wanted to count up to 55 minutes, but some time after 46 minutes have passed, she becomes the first to drop out, mainly because of the heat. The sun continues to beat down. The bills start up again. Enzo quits. Then Lane, at the point where Brendon thinks he's got ten minutes left but wants to push Monet. But Brendon does quit , leaving just Monet and Rachel. After DRing more violent fantasies about Rachel, Monet drops, and Rachel drops the very second. Not like there's any upside to holding on longer.
Ragan announces the results. Rachel quit at 1:15:07, so she's out. She's just happy that Monet is out as well, with her time of 1:15:06. Brendon dropped out at 1:06:04. Lane's time was 1:01:29, so that leaves Enzo and Britney. Britney quit at 52:28, and after building up the suspense for a whole 'nother hour, Ragan gives Enzo's time: 1:00:14, which means he was over by 14 seconds. "That's, like, one quickie with the wifey, man," Enzo DRs. I'd make a sympathetic comment about the wifey, but then I think 14 seconds under that mug would be more than enough. So that's a PoV win for Britney, and she's not shy about celebrating in the DR.
"The Brigade truck just blew another tire," Lane DRs. "Everything has gone opposite of what we wanted. We gotta strategize somethin' new." Go ahead and do that; it'll be fun to watch that go down the shitter, too. As for Rachel, she doesn't want to have to make another enemy. Well, at least she's got a head start on it.
Afterwards, Britney apologizes to Monet, and quietly promises to do her best to convince Rachel to backdoor Andrew. "We only need five votes," she whispers to Monet in the Have-Not room. Yes, wise not to leave the math to Monet. They'll just have to promise to not go after Brendon and Rachel for two weeks. Then they can rip their spleens out.
Monet interrupts Rachel's canoodling session with Brendon to ask about why she's a target. Monet brings up Andrew, and asks how Rachel knows he's not after them. "Brendon trusts him," Rachel says, but allows that if she sends Andrew home, she needs Monet and Britney to not come after her. Monet sells it, and Rachel asks for some time to think about it, which on this show generally means "no," but it's hard to tell with Rachel. Monet plays her ace: if Rachel nominated Andrew, nobody would be pissed at her. Actually, that's not an ace as much as a straight flush.
The Brigade, meanwhile, are talking about what his means for the Brigade. They should just shut up and get out of the way, but of all the things they suck at, that's the biggest one.
Rachel is seriously considering ditching Andrew, not least because she thinks that if she nominates him and Monet goes home anyway, Britney won't be able to be mad at her any more, because Rachel did what she asked. Yeah, let us know how that works out. She takes the idea to Brendon, who is rather skeptical. Across the yard, Britney and Monet are hoping for the best. "If we pull this off, we're amazing geniuses," Britney says. Spoiler!
Ragan and Matt visit Rachel and Brendon in the HoH room. Rachel is preparing the ground for Andrew's replacement nomination by marshalling votes in advance to get Monet out no matter what. I don't think Britney asked her to do that part. Stupid Matt offers to be the pawn instead, claiming that Monet's more likely to go home against him than against Andrew. This just a few days after playing his "paranoid" shtick. Matt DRs that getting nominated is a win-win situation: "I get the trust of Brendon and Rachel, and on the other hand, I'm the hero of the Brigade." Matt is obviously not clear what "win-win" means. "Win-win" means you win in either of two possible outcomes, and I don't hear Matt explaining how he wins if he gets voted out Thursday night. And even the other wins are dubious; he has the trust of the two people everyone else hates, and he's impressed three mouth-breathing troglodytes who can't do anything right. Brendon asks what Matt wants in return, and all Matt asks is that it be made clear he's a pawn.
Matt reports this to Hayden and Lane, and Hayden DRs that while he'd never do it, "I think it's a good move for the Brigade." Lane is impressed, too. We don't hear Enzo's reaction, but I think we are safe in saying that if a majority of the Brigade thinks this is a good plan, it's going to blow up in their meaty faces.
Up in HoH, Rachel and Brendon argue about the best way to go, and they actually both have good points. Rachel is correctly suspicious of Matt, and still wants Andrew to go home so no one can be mad at her. Brendon says it's too risky. Suddenly, in comes Andrew himself. Brendon starts to tell Andrew about the plan to make Matt the pawn. Rachel asks him to wait outside so they can talk some more, and Andrew agrees to do so, saying that he knows where this is going, and he gets it, but if he goes home, they lose someone on their side. After he leaves the room, Brendon and Rachel continue arguing, until Brendon gets tired of talking about it, gets dressed, and walks out. Rachel lies in bed and cries. After all, what good is being HoH if your man is mad at you?
Before the veto ceremony, Andrew DRs about his concern about being an outsider, while Matt is feeling confident about all the trust he's winning. Which will be invaluable to him later in the game while he's watching at home.
At the PoV ceremony, Britney uses the veto on herself without putting Monet through the charade of having to plead her case. She calls Rachel up to name her replacement nominee: Matt. She tells everyone that Matt is a pawn, and says, "I'm sorry, Monet." When it's actually Britney whom she feels bad about screwing.
Afterward, Andrew DRs his relief at escaping again. Matt DRs that most people in his position would be freaked out, "but I am a diabolical super-genius, and I know that not only am I safe, but I have just earned the trust of the entire house by doing this." Britney is upset, and swears she'll be coming after Brendon and Rachel. Ragan, as if he's got any skin in this particular game, is freaking out: Historically, "pawns early in the game walk out the door on eviction day." Monet talks about wanting to kick some ass, and plans to stay in the house. Which I suspect she will, but through no fault of her own. My hand is already prepared to chalk up another own goal for the Brigade.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.