Julie -- wearing what appears to be a shiny, baby-blue raincoat with paint-splash print inside, along with a black top and a gaudy medallion necklace -- tells us that they managed to get a member from each of the original four cliques into the final four. Which is sort of shocking, especially when you consider that Jordan's been the only popular one left since the second week. Previouslies: Natalie won her first competition, and then started lying even more than she had lied the whole summer. Which is a lot. Kevin made Michele an offer, but she acted like herself (read: awkward). Pandora's box happened again, and Natalie had the world's most boring and least exciting marriage proposal (her response to him: "Hell yeah") Natalie nominated Kevin and Michele, but it didn't matter and no one really cares anyway. Kevin beat up a mannequin for its clothes.
Live audience members are so excited to be here. Where on earth do they find these people? Julie -- whose black shirt is actually a dress now that I can see her full body -- tells us it's Day 66 in the house, and then reminds us again what happened in the last episode: Natalie chose to see her boyfriend, giving up a chance to play in the last veto competition. That means that whoever wins the veto holds all the power, because they'll be the only person with a vote. Blue screen sends us back to Natalie in her idiotic nomination ceremony get-up, telling Kevin he's "duped" and she wants him out, then telling Michele she's the devil. I'm so glad we got to see that again. Natalie DRs that her target is Michele, and that nominating Kevin was just a ploy to throw the girls off so that if one of the girls wins veto, they'll keep Kevin and send the other person home. Michele's confused and doesn't know what this show was about. Jordan apologizes to Kevin, but he DRs that he's in on it. Except that he secretly wants Natalie out.
Kevin and Natalie head outside after nominations and, since Jordan's there, they pretend to talk about the nominations. Kevin tells Natalie he understands, and that she honored her deal with him to final five. Jordan DRs that Kevin and Natalie are "fighting." Which is a strange thing to call that peaceful conversation after all of the screaming that happened in this house this summer. Kevin sits down to Jordan and tells her, "That was weird." She says she wasn't expecting it. LIE. He wasn't either. LIE. Natalie talks to herself in the HoH room: "I think that went good [sic]. Job well done, Natalie." Oh, whatever. If these people were smarter about this game, they would know that this doesn't matter, so it's obviously your scheming. Fortunately for Natalie, they are probably too stupid or socially unaware to see what's going on.
In the backyard, Natalie asks Jordan who she'll send home if she wins. Jordan hints she wants to send Kevin out, so Natalie reminds her what a competitor Michele is. Then she talks bad about Michele. Fortunately, Jordan DRs that she thinks it's weird that Natalie said Kevin was her target and now she's trying to convince Jordan to send Michele home. Jordan says that Jeff told her to stick with Michele, so no matter what anyone says, she's going to stick with Michele. But she tells Natalie, "It's a hard decision."
Michele and Jordan are in bed whispering about the veto. Michele tells Jordan that she trusts her 100 percent at this point, so she can keep it the same if she wins veto and just vote Kevin out. Michele's going to try her hardest. They pep each other up, all, "We'll do this." "We will win." "Final three." It's cute that they've bonded over losing Jeff. In the other room, Natalie and Kevin talk about how things went well, and Natalie thinks she can convince Jordan to keep him if she wins PoV. Kevin doesn't trust anyone, though, so he knows how important it is for him to win the veto. He says it's two against one, and Natalie asks if she's mad he opened the box and can't play. He says it sucks to flip the odds, but she says he would have opened the box, too, and he says he knows. But he adds, "If I don't win, I go home." Julie sends us back to commercial, before reminding us the veto competition is coming up, and the winner will cast the sole vote to evict. Do you get what's coming up yet? And do you see why everyone in this game has to have never seen this show to think Natalie's nominations mean anything at all? Because they beat it over our heads every season how important PoV is at this point, and how it's all that matters.
Julie welcomes us back. It's time for the competition, and Natalie can't compete. In the backyard, everyone is color coordinated (Kevin's blue, Jordan's green, and Michele's red), with matching shirts and headbands. Everyone DRs about how important it is to win to make sure they get to stay. For some reason, since Natalie's not playing, she's not even in the backyard, so Kevin's hosting. He explains the game: It's a "block party," which means very little. Basically, each player has a station with two boards standing side-by-side, each with ten clues on it. They also have ten blocks with four houseguests names on the sides. If they line a block up correctly, there will be two names showing, one to each board's respective clue that matches that player. Once they have all ten, they hit the buzzer, but if they're wrong, they have to figure out on their own what's wrong and restack their block pile. And ... they're off.
The bottom clues say "Fifth evicted" and "Replaced Kevin on the block." So the correct block would have Jessie on the left and Russell on the right, but no one gets to that very quickly. Michele knows who it is, but she can't find the block she's right to because she's laid them all out so they're difficult to read. Then: "Wore a space princess outfit" and "Played no veto competitions." Kevin can't find a Ronnie-Braden or Ronnie-Laura block, so he puts a Ronnie-Casey placeholder block. Michele lays her blocks out in order, then starts stacking them, but her bottom one is clearly wrong. Kevin can hear her stacking like crazy, though, so he thinks she's kicking butt. Jordan's doing nothing, and in the DR, she says, "I feel like a yo-yo." She didn't even know the first answer. Michele rings the buzzer, but has everything wrong. Literally, every block is wrong. She has Russell correct twice, but the other halves of those blocks are wrong. EVERY OTHER ANSWER IS WRONG. She has Laura as fifth evicted, which is idiotic, since she was the second one out. Music of stupidity as we watch Jordan continue to do nothing. Kevin's stacking. So's Michele, and she's at least fixed the bottom block, so maybe she's closer. Jordan even starts stacking. Michele buzzes in again, but has one clue wrong: She has Lydia evicted by 3-7 vote. Then Kevin buzzes in, and he wins. He freaks out, rightly, because he knows he's made it to final three. Michele runs over and hugs him congratulations. He cries of happiness.
Michele DRs she should be nice to Kevin now, and she hugs him again for good measure. Jordan explains she'll be the replacement nominee, and Kevin might send her home. Kevin thinks this is so stressful. Julie reminds us Kevin has all the power, and that he'll send someone home, since he holds all the power. She says we'll find out soon enough. "But first," we'll talk to the houseguests. She asks Kevin how it feels to hold all the power. He says it feels pretty good, but is actually stressful, because it's a huge decision having the future of these two girls in his hands. Julie asks Jordan what it's like without her BFF Jeff in the house. Jordan says it's hard, because she and Jeff used to play dumb games when she was bored and now she just wants to talk to him. Julie asks Natalie how hard the decision to open Pandora's box was. Natalie says it wasn't hard. She's safe and got to see her boyfriend, and the veto went as planned. So, apparently she's revealed her lie of wanting Kevin out, then? Why didn't they show that? Or did she just slip up? Julie shows the houseguests the pests that bugged them while their other pest was locked up in Pandora's box with her boyfriend. Then she asks Michele who was most annoying. Michele refrains from saying "Natalie," and says the baby, because he kept following her around and he smelled bad and wouldn't stop calling her "Mommy." Creepy. Back to commercials.
Julie welcomes us back, reminding us Kevin holds all the power, but he knows this decision could cost him the game. We flash back to Kevin talking to Jordan and Michele, when Natalie hears them and realizes the game is over. She comes out and asks who won. He says he did, and she runs into the HoH room, maybe to conceal her excitement? She DRs that him winning was great. She brings him a drink, and DRs that she and Kevin both want Michele out. Michele's worried they're still together and now she'll probably go home. Jordan goes to the pool room, upset that she got something wrong. Or maybe upset that she didn't do anything right. Michele comes in and hugs her. She cries. They are both disappointed in themselves. Michele says Kevin and Natalie are still a team, and Jordan wants to throw up. Kevin and Natalie jump up and down and hug in the HoH. She's like, "Kevin! We're going to final two." She says she'll take the blood for Michele, since he took the blood for Jeff, to even it out and be fair. Whatever. He has the only vote.
Kevin DRs that he can't beat her in the final two, so he is just stringing her along until he thinks of how he can win. He asks her if she's taking Jordan to the final two, and she says she isn't. Later, Michele and Kevin are outside, and she asks if he and Natalie are still together or not. She says she can't get a read or figure out if they're just trying to throw her off or what. Michele tells Kevin that she knows he doesn't trust her, but if he takes her to the final three, if she wins, she will take him to final two. He nods. She says she doesn't want Natalie in the final two, or to win this game, so he should bring her. He says he knows, and he's not playing for second. He says, "So much to think about." But how is there much to think about, when he knows he can beat Michele, but not Jordan or Natalie.
Jordan and Natalie are by the pool, and Jordan's stressing that she's leaving. Natalie tells her she's 100 percent safe, that it's not a question, because Kevin's "for sure" getting Michele out. Michele DRs that she has to continue to work Kevin. She meets him on the hammock and asks him if he's still trying to figure stuff out. He says he is. She tells him if he doesn't want to take Natalie, it's obviously best for him to go up against her, right? He says "for sure," and I think he knows that he has to keep her to win. She also tells him he's not getting her vote if he doesn't take her now, and he'll need all the votes he can get to win against Natalie. Michele says Jordan probably loves them talking, and he points out Jordan should probably talk to him, too. Jordan's eating ice cream in the kitchen. Kevin says he's open to all options, but has to think more about it. He DRs that he doesn't know if Michele's a better option than Jordan.
Julie's back with Natalie in the HoH room. She tells her no one can hear her, so she can speak her mind. Julie reminds Natalie (who's in a backwards ball cap and hooded sweatshirt over a sports T-shirt of some type) that she has made a lot of deals and asks who she's loyal to. Natalie is, of course, loyal to Kevin. She says all of the other alliances are just part of the game. Julie asks if the lie that she's 18 has helped her or hurt her in the game. Natalie says it's helped her, because everyone thinks she's gullible and immature, and it got her this far. Julie sends us back to commercial before we come back for Kevin to use the veto. Did you know he has all the power?
We're back for the live veto meeting and Kevin's vote. Julie tells Kevin he may use the veto to save himself or Michele, or keep the nominations as they are. He says he's made difficult decisions, and will have to again momentarily, but using the veto on himself is not difficult. Jordan takes the seat to Michele. Julie reminds them they've been in the house for 66 days and now have a chance to address Kevin before he casts the vote to evict. Jordan reminds him they spoke earlier and said she was safe, and she hopes he means that. She thinks they've played a similar game in that they haven't lied a lot. She hopes he'll keep her. Michele, who's wearing devil horns, tells him that the jury house sees her as a villain, a rat, a devil, so if she went to the final two, he'd be guaranteed first place, because she doesn't stand a chance at winning. She says it's in his hands, but she can either raise hell against him in the jury or raise hell with him in these final HoH competitions. She thanks him, and will respect any decision. She says it's been great with everyone there and thanks them. It's awkward, but perhaps the most eloquent she's ever been. Kevin stands and says the decision was difficult and he made up his mind 30 minutes ago. He has to vote to evict Michele. She hugs everyone and says "May the best woman... I mean, player win." I would just like to add: "As long as it's not Natalie." Jordan and Kevin final two, please, but really? Who cares? Worst final three ever.
Inside, the houseguests watch Michele's picture go gray and Kevin (gutless) points out the slip Michele made, intentionally a dig at him. And, dude, why not? She was the guy's best and possibly only chance to win. Natalie: "The devil is gone!" BITCH. Outside, Julie asks why Michele thinks Kevin decided to evict her. She says that he decided Michele was the better player, and her dirty game (what is dirty about Michele's game? Anyone?) was strategy, and he couldn't count on the grudges to win. Julie asks if he made the right decision for himself. Michele doesn't know, but she thinks the jury house took things personally. Julie wants to go back to when Jeff decided to take Russell down and everything started to unravel for her side of the house. Julie asks if that was a bad decision on Jeff's part, and Michele answers with a resounding yes, saying that Jeff didn't trust her enough at that point to believe it was a bad move on his part. She's more eloquent than she's ever been here. Not socially awkward with Julie. Maybe she is only socially awkward with idiots?
Houseguest goodbye messages: Natalie's all class, of course, saying she can't say she's sorry to see Michele gone and she's wanted her gone for some time. She says Michele's played the game "really dirty," and that's why she's her target. Kevin hopes Michele's not upset with him with this decision. He really wanted to take her to the end, but he wasn't sure if she would betray him somehow and he couldn't take that gamble. Jordan says she'll really miss Michele and she's learned so much from her because she's like a "freakin' encyclopedia." She tells Michele she's played the game better than anyone and should be proud. Okay, there's no way Michele will vote for Natalie over Kevin. No. Way.
Julie reminds Michele all the shitty things people have said about her in the house: Ronnie saying she's the worst human being he's ever met, Natalie calling her the devil, Russell called her crazy. Julie asks what it is about her that causes this strong reaction from people. Michele gives the saddest answer in exit interview history -- and possibly the most honest -- by saying she was bullied as a child and has never seemed to fit in with most people. She doesn't know why she elicited such strong feelings, because she tried to be nurturing and respectful. She thinks people were threatened. Julie wishes her better treatment in the jury house and will see her in a week. Michele sweetly says, "Thank you, Julie." Okay, I was wrong last week. Now the house is 100 percent less interesting.
Reminder, if you care: America's Vote. And now for part one of the final HoH competition. Remember, it's three parts. The winner of part one advances to part three, and the other two play part two. Whoever wins that advances to part three against the winner of part one. The winner of part three is the final HoH and gets to evict the final houseguest, choosing who sits to them on finale night. This HoH competition is called "Log Jam." Houseguests must hold onto their key. They're all standing on a big round log with their keys above them. Julie asks if they're ready to "get things rolling" and the log starts rolling. So they have to walk the same pace as the rolling log. Julie says the houseguests have a long night of surprises in store.
Julie reminds that we'll be back live again on Thursday to play part two of the HoH competition. We'll also get to see Jeff arrive at the jury house. Then, a week from tonight is the live finale (so, no Sunday episode, I guess?), where the houseguests will reunite live, revealing everyone's lies. That will be fun. Thank God we don't have to see Chima. Watch the competition play out on the live feeds or Showtime. Julie goes back to the houseguests and tells them they look good. She asks if they're feeling good, and they say no. Then she tells them the seasons and weather change, and it starts fake thunder and lightning, wind and rain. Jordan thinks her key's moving farther from her, but I think she's just leaning backward. M. Giant will be back with you on Thursday, and I'll be back to screaming at my TV. It's been a treat. If only this show didn't suck so much right now.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see how vlogger Sean Crespo thinks they should reinvigorate the franchise in No Prior Knowledge!
DeAnn is a writer and editor in Portland, Oregon. You can contact her at twopmodmars@gmail.com.