Julie's literally behind the eight-ball tonight, or at least that's what the circular black necklace over her black-on-black outfit is making it look like tonight. She reminds us that Jeff and Jordan are on the block together, so their showmance is ending tonight, one way or another; it's just a question of which way.
There's a quick flashback of Michele using the Veto on herself and Head of House Kevin naming Jordan as her replacement. Jeff's pissed, and promises in the Diary Room to come after Kevin if he gets to stay. Which, since Kevin is determined to get him out, doesn't seem likely. Jordan DRs that she's feeling breakup-sad, and Michele says the only way to save Jeff is to win over Natalie. Good luck with that. Natalie's pretty happy with how things are going for Natalie. She and Kevin gloat quietly to each other in the Red Room, while she gloats much more loudly to the rest of us in the DR. If I could make one change to this show, and there are a lot I'd like to make, it would be to add a sign above the Diary Room camera that reads, "Inside voices, please."
Jeff and Jordan sit out in the backyard, and he tries to buck her up, talking like Leo at the end of Titanic or something. He advises her to get Kevin out and stick with Michele into the final two. Jordan still insists that Jeff is the one who deserves to stay, and she asks him if she's going to get a goodbye kiss on live TV. Jeff likes that idea so much he wants to get started on it before then.
Later, Jeff decides to try to make his case in the kitchen to Natalie, who tries in turn to preemptively shoot him down. As they talk in the kitchen, Kevin watches suspiciously on the HoH monitor. He's aware that he really can't rely on Natalie, and reminds us what a "greedy biznatch" the Pandora's Box debacle proved her to be. As for Natalie herself, she isn't convinced by Jeff, and tells us he'll have to make her a better offer. Better than the nothing he's offering her now?
Jordan lies in bed with Jeff, asking him to tell her if she has the votes so she can wear her best outfit to eviction night. Jeff tells her he lost, and it's over. They plan their big kiss, and he prevails on her to practice a little. No, actually, a lot. This is getting way too long (that's what she said).
Jeff and Michele talk about what they can offer Natalie, and think about throwing HoH her way. Jeff thinks she'd be an idiot not to take the deal, and if she's that stupid, he doesn't want to be in the house with her anyway.
That night, out back, alone with Natalie, Jeff makes his offer: Natalie seems tempted by the chance at HoH plus a guarantee for a spot in the final three.
We get to meet Michele's husband back home, who is as nerdy as you might expect. He also tells some nerd-stories on his wife from their early dating days, when she brought roommates and a book on their first date. Clearly it was destiny. He adds that she's clumsy at home, which is amplified by a montage of some of Michele's greatest spills. They could have filled a whole hour with that if they'd wanted to. As for the people in the house who have gotten mad at her for not remembering conversations, she apparently does that at home, too. What a handy skill to have in the Big Brother house. We see him watching at home with the family, reacting to Michele's crying jag and say it's hard for him not to be able to do anything about it. But in the big picture, he thinks she can win. Well, if she hasn't lost by now, I guess anything's possible.
Julie gets on the viewscreen for the group Chenterview with the houseguests. She starts by asking Kevin about the Pandora's Box fiasco. He says he wouldn't normally mind being handcuffed and bent over a box, but not in this case. "Family hour!" Julie reminds him. Fortunately for America's innocence, this little indiscretion is followed by some moments of dead audio and cutting to the aquarium. Julie asks Natalie why she left Kevin twisting in the breeze, and Natalie insists that she was the first one to find Kevin, claiming that she went back for more money to keep the other houseguests from getting suspicious. Does that excuse even make sense to Natalie?
Julie then plays them a clip package of their falling down during last week's HoH competition, and another one of Natalie's dragonfly-triggered freak-out to make them laugh. Glad we got to watch it again. Natalie can't believe they showed her flipping her shit. What show does she think she's on?
Time to visit the jury house. A black-haired Lydia is mixing Jessie girl-drinks and being clingy and pathetic. It's kind of a shame they don't get to enjoy a screening of All About Steve. They hope Jeff will be arriving , but they're disappointed to see Russell walk in, yelling "Technotronics!?" Jessie even rips his shirt off. Wait, why am I saying "even?" Russell starts to tell them what happened, but Jessie guesses the end early: Russell got backdoored. Russell assures them that he "threw a stink," but Jeff is running the house now. Russell likes Natalie's chances, and Jessie breaks the news that she's 24, not 18. Lydia acts like this is a big deal, like her bond with Natalie is built on a foundation of lies. Which is odd, because I thought Lydia's bond with Natalie was built on a foundation of them hating each other for all but one of the weeks they were in the house together. They watch the DVD Russell brought of Jeff's HoH win, followed by Jeff's PoV win. Russell thinks Kevin might take Jeff down, but admits that he would vote for Jeff in the final two. Jessie agrees. Lydia is shocked, but I think we all know how she would vote if Jeff were in the final two about five minutes from now.
Kevin's up in the HoH room for his private Chenterview. Julie asks him about his doubts regarding Natalie. He admits that you can't spell "Natalie" without "lie," but he doesn't have any choice but to trust her. Julie asks if he's worried about being blamed for Jeff's eviction, and again he says it was out of his hands, and his only way to stay for another week.
Time for the voting. As always, the nominees get to speak in their defense. Jordan goes first, saying she doesn't have a speech, and proceeds to prove it by blathering dizzily on. She says she never would have made it this far without Jeff. She wishes them luck, and says she is grateful to meet "all y'all." She plops back down, and Jeff stands up, directing his speech right at Natalie, saying, "an 18-year-old stands in the way of my destiny." He lectures her about the importance of her word, her family and her boyfriend, all of which she can uphold tonight by doing what Jeff wants her to and getting to receive messages and pictures from home as the new HoH. He warns her against sticking with Kevin the backstabber, and wraps it up.
The voting begins with Natalie. Without waiting for Julie to ask for her vote she says Jeff made his choice when he put her up against Jessie, so she's voting to evict him. Michele votes to evict Jordan. That's going to leave Kevin as the tiebreaker. He gets up and evicts Jeff, getting in a little retaliation for Jeff's nominee speech. "Nice desperate try. You're out of here." Jeff gets up and tells everyone goodbye, and totally forgets to kiss Jordan. Is he just not that into her? "C'est la vie. It hurts. I lost," he says before going out the door.
There's a standing ovation to greet him when he comes out to the studio. As he greets Julie and they set up for the interview, the remaining four houseguests talk about what just happened. Natalie says she had to stick to her word, Jordan worries that she babbles (she did), and Kevin says he was going to be nice until Jeff got "low and dirty." Michele has nothing to say. So I guess it's just three houseguests talking about what just happened.
Julie comments on the standing O Jeff got during his exit and moves on to the game. Julie asks why he decided to trust Kevin and Natalie and turn on Russell. Jeff says he had to make his move, and he's sure Russell would have come after him this week. His only regret is not winning PoV this week. Julie restates the question, this time giving him a little guilt trip about America giving him the Coup d'Etat, and he restates the answer. Julie asks him what happened to the goodbye kiss with Jordan. Jeff gives a lame excuse and the crowd groans. Bye, Jeff. I'm not kissing you either.
The final-three HoH competition this week looks familiar. As in seasons, it's the "Fact or Fiction" game with the three remaining non-Kevin players standing on the rings of a bulls-eye, separated from each other by high walls. They'll have to answer true or false questions about what's going on with evicted houseguests by stepping into the "fact" ring or the "fiction" ring. The one with the most right answers at the end wins. As the game begins, Jordan is the only one to correctly guess that it's fact that Casey is selling banana-themed merch online. Michele and Natalie overestimate the man's dignity, which I wouldn't have thought possible with a fortysomething white rapper. They do not overestimate Laura's vanity, and all three of them say that it's fiction that Laura explained her eviction by saying, "Because I'm beautiful." Or the giant Laura-teeth on her alien-face mash-up from the PoV competition is still fresh in their minds. Jordan's still in the lead. Michele is the only one who fails to guess that Lydia and Jessie are still on speaking terms in the jury house, so she's in last place. They all get the one right, which is that Ronnie got more votes for the Coup d'Etat than Chima. Michele is the only one who answers that "technotronics" is not actually a word relating to plate tectonics, so she catches up with Natalie. And she's the only one who correctly guesses that Chima apologized for some of her remarks about Russell, so she's tied with Jordan for the lead. The final question is whether Ronnie went to a sci-fi convention in his "space princess" costume? Only Natalie got it right, so now Julie's out of questions and it's a three-way tie. The ladies must now pick up tablets to write down their guesses for how many total cans were in the tubes at the end of the HoH competition Jeff won two weeks ago. Because she is, at the end of the day, still an idiot, Jordan guesses 24. Which is how many cans Jeff had alone. Michele's guess is 65, and Natalie guesses 75. Since the answer is 91, Natalie wins it. She crows about winning without breaking her word and calls out, "Vengeance is coming for you, Chima!" before hugging Jordan and Michele. Wait, did she just hug the people she promised vengeance against?
Julie gives a rundown of the coming week: nominations on Sunday plus a new Pandora's Box gag, and a live episode on Tuesday with a live eviction. Both of which nights I will miss, but not to worry; the marvelous DeAnn will have it covered (not the first time she's saved my life, either). I'll be back for the final HoH competition on Thursday, and then we're in the home stretch. My favorite part of this show is the home stretches. After the hiatuses, that is.
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M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.