I've decided to quit bitching about the way this season is dragging. Sure, we're at the end of July and there are still eleven houseguests, but I'll let it go as long as Big Brother takes this suggestion to heart: there is absolutely nothing wrong with the show right now that a octuple eviction wouldn't cure.
Oh, and also, quit playing those little clips of Ronnie in between the previouslies and the credits. Why is it always Ronnie?
As you may recall, Jessie nominated Michele and Jordan as "pawns," and they both have been given to understand that the plan is to ultimately backdoor Ronnie, even though Jessie tells us in the Diary Room tells us that he has no such plan.
Of course, it falls to Jeff to buck Jordan up after the nominations, saying it'll be more likely to be Ronnie, and failing that, Michele. But then he tells the same thing to Michele, only without the second part. When Michele returns to the Have-not bedcube she's sharing with fellow brains Ronnie and Chima this week, Ronnie makes an appeal to her to pick him as a Power of Veto player should she win Houseguest's Choice in the drawing. She literally laughs in his face, and then when she's done with that, she goes out to the rest of the houseguests and laughs in their faces.
Ronnie then goes up to the HoH bedroom for his audience with Jessie and Natalie, who as usual are holding court in the bed. Jessie assures him that they're still good, and that Ronnie won't be put up as a replacement nominee.
Now Jessie has to start working through the people who wanted Ronnie out, one by one, in the HoH room. "Why do you want Ronnie gone and how is it going to benefit you?" is how he's framing it to everyone. Chima's willing to go along with sending Casey packing instead, with Michele as the backup. Kevin admits that Ronnie probably won't come after him. So does Lydia. In the DR, Jessie takes credit for the two evictions to date, and also for that of Casey in advance. Don't count your bananas before they're peeled, Jessie. That'll make sense in a couple of pages.
A bunch of bored houseguests are playing truth or dare, and Kevin gets dared to cuddle for ten seconds with Jessie. These people are just bored enough to all traipse up there and watch as Kevin tries to ease on top of a snoring Jessie. Jessie isn't happy when he wakes up. Ronnie gets dared to attempt a twenty-second hug with Casey. Ronnie pulls it off, using an apology as cover. Casey is not amused, and now he suspects that people might not be as anti-Ronnie as they were a few days ago. Later, Casey is trying to act cool about it, but he sucks at it, because he doesn't know when to let it go, and it's starting to piss people off. Bad move, Casey.
In advance of being joined by Jordan and Michele to draw the other three players for the Power of Veto competition, Jessie says he's always thinking about the worst-case scenario. Which is why he nominated two people he doesn't really want out of the house, I guess. In this case, the worst-case scenario is Casey winning PoV. Casey, meanwhile, seems to be the only person in the house who doesn't realize Ronnie's eviction isn't a foregone conclusion. The other three PoV players end up being Jeff, Chima, and Casey. Lydia looks jealous that Jessie chooses Natalie as the host. You hosted last week, Lydia, and you got on my nerves.
"I can't see how it could go wrong now," Casey privately tells Jordan later. Of course, what he doesn't see is that it has already gone wrong. He even tells Jordan he'll let her win it, because as far as he's concerned, it doesn't matter who wins. Meanwhile, Jessie and Natalie are upstairs, worrying about what happens if Casey wins the PoV.
Natalie comes out of the DR dressed like a brain-damaged barnstormer. She sends the PoV players into the supply room to grab their costumes, which turn out to be pink leotards with pig noses, and then to the back yard, which has been turned into a big, muddy pig-wallow. Natalie explains that hidden in the mud pit are big fake plastic truffles with point values on them. They have to dig them out, and pick which four they want to save to collect the highest point value. There are also prize-truffles representing stuff like Hawaii trips in there, but of course if a player keeps them, that cuts into their potential point total.
Natalie calls go, and the players enter the mud on rope swings. Casey gets a "Margarita Party," and keeps it, thinking he's safe but it can't hurt to make everyone love him just in case. Jordan talks about her own strategy in the DR afterward, and then thinks for a minute and concludes uncertainly, "That makes sense." [She also cutely revealed that she thought they were scouring for points in poo... but she was OK with it. -- Angel]
After the game is over, Natalie reveals one more temptation to the players: six envelopes that might contain extra points, point deductions, or a surprise, which they'll have a chance to choose from before revealing their point totals. Michele opts to choose an envelope, thinking she's got low numbers. Casey does the same, hoping for another prize. Chima passes up the envelope. Jeff doesn't, but Jordan does. Jessie takes an envelope.
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Time to reveal the scores. Jessie has 26 points, plus a $2500 cash prize he kept, and the contents of his envelope add five points, for a total of 31. Playing it straight, Jordan only got 24 points, so she's out. Jeff's score is 27, but his envelope contains negative five, so he's got even fewer points than Jordan. So much for protecting her. Chima, who said her strategy was to "stay clean," racked up 25 points. Casey reveals the margarita party he won for everyone. Jessie DRs, "GAME OVER!" That's 22 points to Casey, plus a glimpse at the top of a prize card that he at first thinks reads "Bahamas." But no, Casey will be wearing a banana suit for a week. "Wah, wah, waaaa," says the muted trumpet as Casey sulks in the DR and wishes he'd won a piña colada party instead. The last player, Michele, has 28 points, but she's still got an envelope coming. So she scored 7 points, beating Jessie out for the PoV. "Fine," Jessie quietly assures everyone. Michele is the most excited poo-covered person I've ever seen, especially when she swings face-first back into the mud on her way to get the PoV medal.
Big Brother summons Casey to the DR to collect his banana suit, which comes complete with a big pointed hood. It's much less dignified than the red unitard that's gotten so much mileage over the past few seasons. Even smoking doesn't make it look cooler.
Jessie offers Michele the courtesy of suggesting her replacement nominee as the PoV winner, which is just going to piss her off when he does what he wants anyway. Jessie does let slip that he had someone else in mind as a replacement nominee, which by process of elimination Michele is able to narrow down to Casey. She DRs that she'll be going after Jessie when the time comes.
Kevin and Lydia sit up in the HoH room talking shit about Jessie and Natalie, who are downstairs on Natalie's twin bed. Kevin suggests rebelling against them by saving Casey, and then using the excuse that they wanted to keep their clique whole to increase their chances of winning HoH.
Lydia and Michele quietly discuss Jessie's plan to put up Casey instead of Ronnie. They call Jordan over and let her into the loop as well, with Lydia adding, "I'm going to kill Natalie and Jessie if that happens." Jordan goes straight to Jeff, who's pissed to hear it.
So who gets to tell Casey? Jeff. Out in the backyard, Jeff tells his banana-suited ally what's going on, and Casey doesn't get it at all. He gets right up to go confront Jessie.
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In the HoH room, Jessie smugs to Casey, "What I'm saying is the right guy's going to go out the door." Casey doesn't let him off the hook: "And who's that? Is that me, or is that Ronnie?" "The right guy," is all Jessie will say. Casey assures Jessie that he isn't coming after him, and Jessie is aware that he's suddenly in a delicate position.
On Veto day, Michele doesn't have to think too much about what's coming up. Jordan's worried about being up against her friend Casey, and Jeff says if Casey goes up he'll lose a friend either way. Casey, in turn, is still on the page where Ronnie is a rat and needs to go (so last week, Casey).
Michele calls the veto meeting, and unsurprisingly takes herself off the block. Then she turns to Jessie, who's going for "mysterious" in plastic sunglasses and a straw cowboy hat, but ends up landing on "dorky." Jessie makes a gloating speech, and tells Casey to move to the vacant nominee chair. "It's a nuthouse around here, man," Casey says. Before Michele can end the meeting, Jordan asks Ronnie, "Why are you looking at me like that?" Ronnie lies that he wasn't (sure, he was just grinning smugly into space in Jordan's general direction), and Michele finally ends the meeting.
Jessie DRs about Casey's lot: "There's winners, and then there's people that hate the people that are on top. And that's where you come in, Casey." That would also explain Jessie's affection for Dan. Ronnie also gloats in the DR that the force is with him. Jordan vows that she'll stick around and win HoH. "I may not be the smartest crayon in the box," she claims. She's also not the sharpest bulb on the tree or the brightest knife in the drawer, "but I'm not that dumb." Casey says that Jessie is, however, and warns, "We may see an angry, fighting banana this week."
The announcer promises a huge announcement on Thursday. Here's hoping it's an octuple eviction.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
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