New title sequence, with a re-mixed theme song. I'm not surprised to see that there is no graphic reference whatsoever to the clique thing. That'll make it easier to abandon the whole concept halfway through the season, I guess.
The previouslies bring us right up to Jessie's (ugh) reentry into the house (UGH!) and joining the Athletes clique. Kevin (Offbeat) becomes my new favorite houseguest by Diary Rooming about how much he hates Jessie. Kevin's clique-mate Lydia also dreads having to deal with him, Jessie displays his obnoxiousness in the DR to considerable length, and Russell looks forward to being on Jessie's team, since he thinks they have a lot in common. One more reason to not be a fan of "the love muscle." Natalie also thinks he'll be an asset on their team, because he was such a plus last year. As for the Brains clique, Ronnie isn't worried about out-thinking him.
Later, Lydia makes a point of sucking up to Jessie, which irritates Russell, because she's not sucking up to him. Lydia will pay for that. Oh, she'll pay. Also, we learn that Jessie has been chasing his dream of becoming a "WWE superstar." I'm all for that. I never watch WWE.
Brains conference! Ronnie suggests to Michele and Chima that he approach Jessie to propose an alliance. Jessie, meanwhile, pulls fellow Athlete Jeff into the supply room for a meeting of the minds, which actually leaves everyone dumber.
Jessie shows off his HoH room, which is newly re-fancied, with a waterfall and everything. And Jessie whines to both his fellow housemates and to us about how lonely it is up there. He should probably go home, then.
Jordan (Popular), Michele (Brains), Lydia, and Ronnie talk about how much they hated high school. Except Jordan, who insists that she was never mean to anyone. Ronnie thinks this is a great opportunity to show the world that there's more to them than their appearance. "It's a chance to overcome those boundaries." On this show? Well, he's certainly overcoming the "Brain" label if he thinks that's going to happen. And he's just getting started. Michele points out that he is wearing a T-shirt with giant letters on the front that read "DORK." And then she laughs, dorkily.
Ronnie makes his approach to Jessie: he promises the Brains' votes for whoever Jessie wants out, saying they have no game and will do what he tells them. Classy. He sweetens the deal by saying he'll return the favor "When I win HoH week." Jessie agrees to the deal, or pretends to. Ronnie describes the situation by using a Star Wars analogy in the DR. Way to break the nerd mold there.
Offbeats Lydia and Kevin sway in the hammock, agreeing that they don't really want to go back to high school. Kevin frets about the need to relate to Jessie, and she advises him to try to connect with him based on how they've both been judged for their appearance. Quite earnestly, Lydia DRs that she's not going to judge Jessie for his appearance either. And neither am I. I judge him for being a dickhead. [Clearly, Lydia never watched last season. Or likely any season since she seems not to understand game play at all. - Angel]
While most of the house is downstairs eating, Jessie and Russell sit down across the chessboard from each other to talk strategy. Russell thinks Lydia's the big threat, and that he wants to be on Jessie side, which will make them unstoppable. Did Russell... watch last season? [Apparently only nerds like Ronnie have time to actually watch this show.- AC]
Later, Ronnie, Laura (Popular), Kevin, and Lydia watch Jessie play chess with Natalie. Out of nowhere, Laura says Jessie is the hottest guy in the house, which is too transparent for even Jessie to buy, and he says as much in the DR. Jessie eventually beats Natalie at the chess game, although she won't accept defeat. Jessie taunts her all way down into the backyard for losing, but she's not letting it go. "Who lost last season?" she asks. "Who won to get him in this season?" Jessie's response to being owned by her is to decide to see himself in her. Okay, then.
Jessie and Natalie have an HoH room 1-on-1, when she agrees that Ronnie and the Brains could be an asset. Downstairs, Ronnie is also selling his clique-mate Chima on the alliance. She seems to be buying it. The two of them head upstairs for a four-way meeting, and Natalie suggests making Ronnie a pawn to cover up the Athlete/Brain alliance. Ronnie doesn't love that idea, because he knows his Big Brother history, and the frequency with which pawns have gone down in flames. So he suggests Michele instead. With clique-mates like Ronnie, who needs other cliques?
Jessie calls everyone down to the living room, wearing an aqua tank top and pink tights with black stars on them. Dashing! Reading from a card, he gives them the good news/bad news. Food competitions as we know them are over, but this is going to be a "Have/Have-Not" competition. Of course, it requires them to get dressed in white spandex workout wear (Except the Athletes, who dress like Jessie, because they're this week's "in-crowd" and thus get to sit out the competition) and paint themselves in their team colors. When they go out into the back yard, which is decorated like a disco, those colors light up like they're in a Wham! video. This is basically a plumbing challenge; working in their own lane, each team has to make colored liquid flow through pipes and into other pipes formed into the letters that spell "HAVE." The last team to finish will be the "have-nots," forced to endure the most "grueling conditions in Big Brother history." More grueling than sharing a house with Jessie?
1 2 3 4
"Ready, set, glooow!" Jessie calls, and the race is on. All the teams go to the opposite end of the playing field and start monkeying around with the pipe segments in their buckets. Brightly colored liquid has already started flowing onto the floor. That's going to get slippery. Jordan's problem is that she doesn't understand what Braden means by technical terms like "90-degree" and "180-degree." This should be fun for her. Casey seems to be leading his Offbeat team into first place. And despite their confidence going into this, the Brains are still busy outsmarting themselves by the time the Offbeat team finishes. "I'm sleeping inside tonight!" Casey crows. That leaves a race between the Brains and the Popular clique, and Ronnie's limp Rube Goldberg construction leaves them in last place. Congratulations, Ronnie: we don't think of you as a Brain any more.
So Jessie tells everyone what this means for the Brains clique. Only slop to eat, cold showers, and sleeping in the "Have-Not" room. Chima stomps off to pout. Kevin and Natalie follow her to the sidelines to try to buck her up. Because her teammates can't be bothered, apparently. Which is not to say I entirely blame them.
When everyone returns inside, all rinsed off and wrapped in towels, they go right past the slop pails piled theatrically on the table and into the new "Have-Not" bedroom: a depressing metal cube. The "bed" consists of two thin grey pads on a wide, flat, metal shelf. Chima is not having it, and is on the verge of a meltdown. Jessie responds to her obvious distress with typical sensitivity: "I just like how tan these tights make me look." Chima is not down with this. "I'm way too Diva for this shit," she says, threatening to quit. Quit, Chima! I'm all over anything that makes the season shorter.
The girls have a bikini contest. Jessie is not impressed with Laura, no matter how loud Casey's announcer-voice gets while she shows off. Later, Laura talks to Jessie in the kitchen. Or rather, at him, because he's ignoring her. You'd think they'd strike a natural butterface alliance, but it doesn't seem to be happening. He seems to be more interested in getting a massage from Lydia, and they actually have a straight-faced conversation about people sucking up to him while she's rubbing lotion into his back.
day is Nomination day. About time. Jessie, Russell, and Natalie (apparently Jeff went out for smokes after the H/HN competition and never came back) discuss the nominations. They've already established that a Brain is going to be the pawn, but who's the real target? The two candidates seem to be Laura and Lydia, with Jessie leaning towards evicting the former despite his teammates' argument that he boot the latter. Russell still thinks Lydia is a threat, but he's having trouble convincing Jessie, who hates Laura's transparent sucking up and prefers Lydia's transparent sucking up, because at least that way he gets a massage. Russell claims in the DR that despite Jessie's HoH position, he's running the show behind the scenes. Jessie says he plans to do what's best for Jessie. And yet he never seems to shut up.
1 2 3 4
Jessie contemplates the memory wall, and we hear from his potential targets. "If Jessie wants to play hardball, he's playing with the wrong girl," Laura boasts. Yeah, those balls of hers do look pretty hard. Ronnie thinks Chima gave Jessie a great reason to make her the pawn instead of him. Lydia says she'd be surprised if she were nominated, because did you see how much lotion she used? Although she doesn't say that last part out loud. And Russell takes credit for the upcoming nominations before they've even happened. Braden is being Zen and metaphysical, about energy and destiny and the universe. I hope he sticks around for a while, because I want to see how he'll be different after Big Brother confiscates his pot stash. And as Jessie loads up the giant key box up in the HoH room, he says these nominations are designed to find people's true loyalties. That should work out well. If an alliance falls in the forest because Jessie tipped it over, does it make a sound?
The group convenes around the table for the Nomination Ceremony. Jessie starts by handing his three fellow Athletes their keys, because they're automatically safe this week, and pulls the first key. Michele is safe. Then Braden, Kevin, Ronnie, Jordan, Laura, and Casey. That leaves Lydia and Chima as the nominees. Clearly I underestimated Russell. Jessie gives a short, content-free speech and ends the meeting.
DR reactions: Chima claims, "The pawns have a tendency to go home, but I'm gonna be...different." Well, as long as she has a plan. Ronnie loves the nominations; they're exactly what he wanted. Lydia's hurt, and she tearfully vows to fight to stay in the house. Braden yammers some space-case nonsense about the gods, and Jessie cackles that this is how the game goes. Of course it could all be knocked into a cocked hat by the Power of Veto competition on Tuesday. I'll certainly be watching, but I get paid to.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter, or just e-mail him at m.giant[at]gmail.com.
1 2 3 4