You know, I've been trying to figure out where I've seen Adam before this show, and I think I've got it. Imagine him a few years younger, a few pounds lighter, and with more hair, and then click here and tell me I'm crazy. ["You're not crazy, but making me think about Adam's balls does make you an asshole." -- Joe R]
So we're down to five. We left Ryan, Natalie, Sheila, and Sharon hanging (literally) for HoH while outgoing HoH Adam sat it out and called encouragement up to Ryan. Ryan DRs that he isn't really worried about what will happen to him if someone else wins -- as long at it's not Natalie, since he doesn't trust her. Sheila feels the same way, plus she feels she's overdue for some manner of win in this game. Well, yes, and I'm overdue for an Oscar, but that doesn't mean I'm getting one. There's a little flashback to James's eviction, as we get people's reactions; Sheila says voting him out was the hardest thing she's done so far, since James reminded her of her son. Sharon talks about being the last person in her alliance, which apparently Team Christ has been calling "The Evildoers." Dude, if you're calling Sharon an "Evildoer," you don't know the meaning of the word. Not necessarily the "evil" part, but definitely the "do" part. "Mission accomplished," Ryan says of James' eviction, 28 days after he began what turned out to be a long-term project and a full-time job. And Natalie bores us all with a lot of nine-related numerology that demonstrates how James's nine lives were up. And, most importantly, "Matty is going to be so happy." Yes, he's going to have a marvelous time in the jury house with James, Joshuah, and Chelsia. And as long as we're on the subject of nines, I think I can come up with nine people who can't stand Natalie.
As we saw on Wednesday, Sharon didn't look to have much staying power in this, and indeed, she dropped only eight minutes in. During the Criminal Minds credits, to be precise. Apparently she's got some back issues. Teach her to get in a horrific car accident. Sharon says she can't afford to hurt her back even more, and as Adam carries her to a stool, she whispers to him that she's just going to win PoV. "You have to," Adam whispers back.
About 20 minutes in, Sheila starts working on her remaining rivals, Ryan and Natalie, saying she's going to hang out "all fricking night." She insists that she's motivated more by the promise of pictures of her son than by anything else. And with almost an hour down, Natalie says she doesn't feel safe, which Sheila takes mild exception to. A half hour later, the sun's getting low and Natalie's starting to get on Sheila's nerves with some "smack talking," as Sheila calls it. It doesn't make Sheila any more likely to drop, she says.
At T-plus 1:43, Ryan notices blisters forming on his hands, although he confuses them with "scabs." I suppose a little noun trouble isn't unexpected under the circumstances. Down on the ground, Sharon quietly predicts to Adam that Sheila's going to win. Sure, right before the unicorns arrive. They also agree that they're all screwed if Natalie wins. Sheila nearly slips, but hangs on. With a little over two hours down, Sharon and Adam head inside for a few minutes, so Natalie proposes making a deal between the three of them that Adam and Sharon should go up. They pretty quickly agree to that, and also that they'll let Sheila win; Sheila just has to promise that she'll not only put up Adam, but cast a tiebreaking vote to boot him in order to prevent the backdooring of Ryan and/or Natalie if it comes down to it. Despite promising to protect Adam to the end in the DR, Sheila agrees. A while after Adam and Sharon return, a numb-legged Ryan drops at 2:47.
Later still, Natalie is loudly wondering to everyone what she should do. Sharon is taking the lead in a group effort to convince Natalie to drop, annoyed with her whole "WWJD" bit. Natalie overcloses so much that Sheila's starting to wonder if Natalie's not planning to stick to the deal at all.
In fact, Natalie's still up there after the ads, making everyone insane with her noisy vacillating. Everyone's looking at her, like, drop or don't drop, but either way, shut the fuck up about it. Sharon had better hope that the PoV is another endurance competition, but one based on not talking. Even Sheila's getting irritated with Natalie's routine, until Natalie finally announces, "I'm a giver," and drops. Sheila follows soon, with three hours and nine minutes down. Jeez, if that's how Natalie throws a competition, she makes it pretty hard for other people to catch it. And how irritating is it, the way she made sure everyone knew that she, Natalie, is responsible for Sheila's victory in this competition. I deserve at least some of the credit; I was just getting into a nice groove mocking her for never winning anything.
In the DR, Natalie is confident that Sheila isn't going to screw her over. Adam isn't so sure about his own chances for avoiding nomination, since he nominated Sheila last week. Sharon predicts that she's probably going to go on the block, but she's counting on people going after bigger threats, namely each other. I really feel bad knocking Sharon's low-profile strategy, because that's how I'd have played it, but I don't see how it can get her into the final two. On the other hand, I don't predict lots of things that end up happening on this show.
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After the HoH competition ends, Ryan and Natalie pull Adam aside and tell him about the deal they made with Sheila. "I'll flip out on that old bitch," Adam mutters angrily. Natalie assures Adam that everything will be all right, but he's got obvious and understandable doubts. Obvious, given his mistrust of the situation, and understandable, given his almost total lack of personal charm.
Later, Natalie confides to Sharon that Adam is mad at her for losing, but she says she would have had to nominate Adam either way. After the women leave the room, Adam and Ryan sit down to a game of chess. Meanwhile, in the storage room, Natalie congratulates Sheila on her "win" and makes sure she's going to stick to the plan. Sheila assures Natalie that yes, she plans to nominate Sharon, but she reminds us in the DR that she never promised not to backdoor Natalie. Ah, hmmm.
Time to see Sheila's HoH room, and she predictably breaks down as soon as she sees her photos. Everyone leers at her Glamour Shot from when she was 25, even though it looks like an episode of I Love the '80s. Sheila opens her letter from her son and asks Ryan to read it, since she doesn't trust herself. The kid wrote like three lines to the mother he hasn't seen in two months, not that Sheila seems to mind. Sheila reads her own letter from her sister, but can't get through it without turning into an emotional wreck. Sheila DRs about how much she needed this; she couldn't have lasted another week in the house without it. That may be more true than she realizes.
Sheila has apparently been giving Adam massages this whole time, which she DRs that she hates, but it's the only way she can get his attention. That's how you know this is a successful relationship. And then, during his massage, she spends that precious time whining. They end up bonding, and Sheila DRs that she wants to be standing with Adam at the end of the game.
Up in the HoH room, Sheila talks to Adam and Sharon about the upcoming nominations. Sharon proposes a plan. Step one: Sheila nominates Adam and Sharon as agreed. Step two: Ryan wins PoV and saves Adam. Step three: Sheila nominates Natalie as the replacement nominee. Step four: Natalie gets evicted. This sounds like a good plan. I'm proud to be a part of it. I'm almost dreading its inevitable and ugly derailing.
In the dining room, Sheila sucks up to the guys by proposing the topic of conversation she thinks they'll like: turn-ons. This culminates in Sheila saying that her ideal man is a combination between Evel Dick and Dr. Will. That's sad and disturbing enough, but then the editors morph the two ex-winners' photos together into one face, guaranteeing me nightmares for the rest of the season at minimum.
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Sheila summons Ryan up to the HoH to get him to promise to remove Adam from the block if he wins PoV. Ryan quickly makes the promise, and they agree that she, Ryan, and Adam will go to the final three. After Ryan leaves, Adam heads up for his own audience with the HoH, and Sheila promises him that Ryan's down with the plan. Actually, Ryan's down on the main floor with Natalie, who's already proposing plans for week to him. Which, naturally, involve getting rid of Sheila. Sheila points out to Adam that even though they're the last couple still in the game, they can't afford to look like one. So that's another reason to stick to the plan. Adam sees what she's saying, but is obviously still worried.
And after Adam is gone, Natalie goes up to Sheila to make sure Sheila's sticking to the plan. Sheila pretends to agree, but when Natalie promises to have Sheila's back week, Sheila knows Nat's full of shit. However, she manages to refrain from saying, "Don't worry about week; you won't be here." That probably would have been counterproductive.
Sheila deliberates about her nominations, while her potential targets make their predictions. Natalie trusts Sheila to stick to the deal, Sharon is nervous that "the pawn could become the target," and Adam is also concerned that things could go wrong and he'll end up paying the price. Sheila, in turn feels like she's "finally playing this game." It's hard to argue with that; mostly she's just been a passenger on this bus for the past two months. A noisy, irritating passenger who keeps wanting to change the route, but a passenger nonetheless.
Sheila wrestles the giant key box onto the dining room table, and gets all shaky-voiced as she makes her pre-nomination speech. She pulls Natalie's key, and Natalie pulls Ryan's. So that's Adam and Sharon on the block, just as agreed. Sheila tells Adam that he did this to her lat week, after all, but her return nomination isn't out of revenge or anger. And to Sharon, all she says is, "good luck with the PoV." Wow, that would be cold if she actually meant it.
In the DR, Adam is hopeful that this plan to boot Natalie is going to work and not backfire on him. And Sharon, also from the DR, repeats her plan to keep her mouth shut and watch someone else leave. Ironically, she says so, as always, at top volume. STOP SCREAMING AT ME, SHARON! Jesus. Natalie is happy that "Team Christ" is still together, after all they've been through. And Sheila DRs that she won't think twice about knocking Natalie out of the house. She says that "old Sheila" used to take it on the chin, but "new Sheila" is ready to show everyone what she's capable of. We've heard promises like that from her before. Also, both Sheilas are pretty old.
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