Previously: Nick was evicted, and Daniele and Amber cried like it meant something. (Though it's worth mentioning: Voice-Over Guy calls Nick "Daniele's boyfriend in the house." Hee hee hee. After this season, can Daniele and her live-in boyfriend of two years go on The Amazing Race? Please?)
We pick up where we left off: the HoH endurance competition, with everyone hanging upside-down from the clock pendulums. Dick's had the elbows on his long-sleeve tee bad-assedly cut out, so you know he means business. Dustin reminds us that it's essentially the six LNC members versus Jen, Kail, and Zach. The fake birds deposit fake bird poo on the contestants, and all I can think is I hope the substance isn't whipped cream, because how horrible to have to go through the rest of your life associating whipped cream with bird poo? Some people end up more covered than others. Zach, for example, is barely blemished, while Kail looks like she parked herself beneath a California Condor. Amber drops first, then Eric, then Jameka. Kail gives one of her patented two-steps-from-hysteria interviews where she talks about using her faith to hold on or whatever. Not that it matters, because now we know she doesn't win, because Kail only starts quavering like that when she's worried. It's how we know she's not Amber.
On the couches, Eric bitterly gossips about Nick and Daniele, and how Nick's "bee's knees" speech to Daniele probably drove the final nail into Daniele at-home relationship. This leads to flashback footage of Nick's dismissal and everyone's reactions to that. Eric continues to make himself look bad by being so transparently envious of Nick. He even goes so far as to say that Nick's plan to be bros with the guys and flirt with the girls is actually his plan, and he couldn't have Nick bogarting his strategy. Y'all, it's adorable, Eric thinks the girls like him because of flirting. Rather than because he reminds them all of their twelve-year-old brothers.
Then: things get interesting. A plane flies overhead with a banner that reads: "We [Heart] Nick! Amber & Eric Are Liars! LNC Is The Nerd Herd!" Now. I don't mean to devalue the banner, because it's always more fun once the banners get involved. But this one in particular was just written by some douchebaggy Nick fan. Amber's a liar? Because she...told Nick she didn't know he'd be nominated when she really did? That's her big lie? Whatever, banner-buying hausfraus who love Nick. The "LNC = Nerd Herd" thing is interesting and mostly true, considering Dick = Cappy, Daniele = Ivette, and Jen = Janelle. Anyway, guess how everyone reacts? Amber cries (and cries, and cries) in the DR, Eric gets pissed off (and nearly cries in his own DR), and Daniele believes the banner wholeheartedly because it successfully established its Nick-loving bona fides. On the couches, Eric, Amber, Dustin, and Jameka grumble about the banner.
Zach falls. Jameka is happy about this, if you can believe that. Dick yells at the home viewer, via the DR, that if we think he didn't want to beat Jen, we are SORELY MISTAKEN. Wait, Dick doesn't like Jen? When did that happen? Dick drops, but not before revealing his pasty white torso to the nation. I wish he'd go back to yelling at us, if that's the alternative. So it's down to, essentially, Jessica and Daniele versus Jen and Kail. Daniele's shit-eating grin in her DR interviews should give us a clue as to the outcome, but let's play along. Jessica drops. Dick turns up the harassment of Kail and Jen to eleven, because that's how he gets to prove he's a good father. He rags on Jen for having a wonky eye, which is hilarious only in how it reveals how desperate to get under Jen's skin Dick has become. I really think (hope) she might give him a stroke. Having no luck with Jen, Dick then mocks Kail's faith, which earns the ire of Jameka, of course. Daniele DRs that she wasn't sure if her dad's psych-out ploys were working. Well, considering it seems to have only strengthened Jen and Kail's resolve, you may be onto something there, Princess Cuckold.
Jen scoffs that it might be worth it to drop just so she can see all Daniele's letters and photos from her boyfriend. Oh, SNAP! God, I have really come to like her. Unflappable and then vicious when she sees an opening. Love it. Daniele gets pissed. Dick starts to spasm. Later, Jen tries to make a deal with Daniele, but Daniele pissily refuses. Dick starts to interject, but Jen starts saying, loudly, that the only reason she even has any ammo to go after Daniele with in the first place is because Dick was flapping his gums about Daniele coming to him all conflicted about Nick. Oh, really! Isn't that interesting. Of course, Daniele's halfway to Stockholm Syndrome with her dad these days, at least when it comes to Jen, so nothing comes of it. However, for no reason whatsoever, Eric gets the most pissed of anyone and starts yelling at Jen, telling her to mind her own business and shut up about Daniele. First of all, I love how invested everyone in the house is in hushing up any and all talk of Daniele and Nick, like this isn't the one show on TV where everyone sees everything. But also, does Eric have a thing for Daniele, maybe? He's certainly flying off the handle in her defense, and that would put quite the spin on his zeal in getting rid of Nick. Or else he's worried about the banner and trying hard to get into everyone's good graces. Hmm.
So Jen eventually drops, and then Daniele promises Kail that if she drops, she won't go home. She'll go up as a pawn, again, which is hilarious, and Kail is freaking out about it, even as she voluntarily jumps down. So Daniele wins. Bleh. Then she spends the hour and a half crying to her dad about having to vote Nick out. Kail DRs that she guesses she'll just have to be a professional "on the block person." If only there were a more succinct term for someone who's nominated for things. Back to Daniele's meltdown, though, as she is furious at the second vote for Kail, because it means there could have been the votes present to save Nick after all. And you know, that's on Dick and Daniele for not pursuing that avenue more thoroughly. She's got no one else to blame for that but herself. But in the proud tradition of people who have no one to blame but themselves, she's going to try her damnedest to put the blame on someone else anyway. And thanks to the banner, that's either Eric or Amber. She corners Amber and blubbers to her that someone is "obviously" trying to set her up by casting the phantom vote. Amber can only assure her it wasn't her and get further freaked out by being in the presence of someone crying harder than she is.
After Daniele leaves the Wee Room, Amber, Eric, Jameka, and Dustin puzzle over who could have cast that vote. Eric tries to hang his hat on being the most gung-ho anti-Nick vote there was, which he thinks puts logic on his side. Of course, that's going to backfire on him right quick because (a) the Donatos are not so big on logic, and (b) Daniele's playing for The Ghost Of Nick now, so selling himself as the architect of Nick's undoing will only make things worse for him.
Later, Daniele gets to show off her HoH room. Therein we find the much-ballyhooed pics of her and Chris. In the DR, Dustin raises one heroic eyebrow and practically snorts, "Oh yeah, she's got that boyfriend of two and a half years. But whatever, he's cute." In the DR, Dick gets choked up about seeing a pic of his mother, who he figures is so happy watching the show and seeing him and Daniele get closer and closer. Well, between the infidelity and the verbal abuse, I'm sure she's busting her buttons over the two of you.
And now: Strategy, by Dick and Daniele. It gets really weird, because here's the thing: Daniele is now positive that the phantom votes the past two weeks have been cast by Eric, which means she's 100% on the money. But her reasoning is almost laughably inaccurate. Which, I mean, she's not going to guess that Eric is playing by the fucked-up whims of the viewing public, so she's bound to get it wrong, but she's so wrong and yet so proud of herself for coming to these whack-ass conclusions that it's funny. First of all, she thinks Eric was "leaking" information out of the LNC, which: (a) what was there to leak? The super-secret We Hate Jen ignition codes? And (b) Your dad is the one who blabs everything to everyone else before it even gets a chance to become a secret, Cheaty Amin. She also says it's obviously Eric because he's the last person you'd suspect. Ahh, the ol' Not-ccam's Razor, eh? She also says Nick would have revealed Eric as the culprit had he not been evicted, which: think about that for three seconds and commence laughter. So not surprisingly, this is all an elaborate way for Daniele to wreak vengeance on everybody for voting off her house boyfriend. All shall pay!
In the dining room, Eric lamely tries to convince Dick that he wasn't the phantom vote, though he does touch on the one thing I'm surprised has been so easily discounted: why is everyone so quick to believe the vote wasn't Jen's? I mean, beyond the fact that it wasn't, what about Jen tells you that she wouldn't be likely to throw a random contrarian vote into the mix just to fuck with everyone's (and especially Dick's) heads. But Dick will hear none of it. Eric super-nervously tries, once again, to sell his "I wanted Nick gone more than anybody, so clearly it could not have been me!" argument, which: digging his own grave.
Outside, the rageful guitars of Dick Has Anger Issues kick in, and Dick paces around the patio, cursing Eric for being a sneaky bitch. In the DR, Dick lays out what he and Daniele believe to be Eric's master plan: the first vote (for Kail, not Mike) was to set Nick up so he'd be the target; the second vote (for Kail, not Nick) was to set Daniele up in the same way. You know, not to give Dick any credit, but if that had been Eric's actual plan, it wouldn't have been a bad one. Except for the part where he's kind of fucked now. Dick paces and repeats "I knew it!" over and over. No you didn't! You wanted Nick gone so he wouldn't end up fucking your daughter on national TV! And you kept telling Eric you liked the way his mind worked! I know, I know. Newsflash: Dick is full of bullshit.
D&D pulls Jessica into the HoH room and tell her their theory. When Jessica asks the obvious question (why the hell would Eric do that?), Daniele gets all excited and squeaks, "Because he's been aligned with Kail since Week One!" HA HA HA HA! Oh, awesome, Daniele. Brilliant. Oh that sneaky Eric/Kail alliance. Anyway, they get Jessica to promise to veto one of Daniele's nominees, should she win, so Daniele would be able to back-door Eric. Jessica says she's have no problem with that. Later, Jessica pulls Eric aside and tells him D&D think he's the one who cast the phantom votes, and she also clues him in about the back-door plans. Eric is "livid," per his DR session. He's pissed that he's been nothing but nice to D&D and now they're targeting him. You'd think, being America's Player and knowing he'd have to lie to everyone as a matter of course, Eric would take their jumping to erroneous conclusions with a smidge of good humor, particularly since their erroneous conclusion accidentally ended up being the correct one. Eric's really coming off poorly this week, though I do cut him some slack for having his game fucked up by a banner-flying Nick fan.
America's Choice tells us to choose someone for Eric to promise he'll take to the Final Two. Eric doesn't necessarily have to honor the promise. I'd beg America to vote for Jen, but we'll soon learn that's probably a futile hope.
In the HoH, Jen tries to suck up to Daniele, though she denies that's what she's doing. She apologizes for calling Daniele out for being a cheating ho-bag. Daniele takes the opportunity to ask Jen once again whether she was the phantom voter. Jen says she wasn't, and since she has absolutely no motivation to lie, Daniele believes her. I lost a little of the Jen Love right here, I have to be honest. If she's just going to kiss Daniele's ass too, what's the difference between her and the rest of these a-holes?
America's Player: Eric gets instructions to get someone nominated. That someone, voted by the American public, is: Jen. Oh fuck you, America. Seriously? Jen? We haven't all officially caught the snap about her yet? We haven't collectively turned the corner on what a sack-faced asshole Dick is yet? But no, it's Jen, a task which Eric all-too-gleefully says he'll be happy to accomplish. And thus, for the eighth consecutive year, Big Brother makes me sad to be an American.
Outside, by the hammock, we've got Dick, Daniele, Eric, Jameka, and Dustin. Dick and Eric are arguing about placing the blame for the phantom votes. Dick's saying they came from someone (uh...good one!), while Eric is trying to say that, while that may be true, making the leap that that someone is from their own alliance does them a disservice by sowing the seeds of dissension sooner than they need to. It's a fine point, except for the fact that, outside the LNC alliance, the only person who could have cast that second vote both times is Jen (Kail was a nominee; Zach's accounted for as the first dissenting vote). Which, I've already said, seems perfectly plausible to me, but not to Dick. And now that Dick has decided that Eric is his enemy in the house, he's given himself permission to treat Eric as shittily as he's been treating Kail and Jen. This should be fun to watch. So Eric tries to press his point, which enrages Dick, to the point where he sits up in the hammock and THROWS PILLOWS left and right. Seriously, the throwing of the pillows is done with the intensity that one might otherwise utilize when stabbing a transient to death. Dick is so angry right now and keeps yelling at Eric to shut up and stop trying to defend himself. He tries to get up from the hammock in a way that's very imposing and threatening, but...well, have you ever tried to stand up from a hammock? Hard to do it gracefully. So Dick flails at the hammock to stop getting in the way of his threatening to beat Eric up, essentially. It would be really funny if Dick weren't so thoroughly repulsive. So Dick rants and curses, and Eric tries to stick up for himself, but mostly just wets his pants in fear. Which is disappointing, and makes me want to get up in Dick's face as Eric's proxy, but that's not going to happen. ...This week.
Boring-ass nomination ceremony. We're not even made privy to Daniele's innermost thoughts while she struggles with her decision. Which is just as well, since listening to a hollow breeze compete with a looping monologue of "Nick...Nick...Nick...Nick..." would probably be even more boring. So the giant wheel of destiny is brought out, keys are removed, and lo and behold, Jen and Kail are nominated. Again. Expect The Totally Expected! Everyone applauds Kail and Jen for being thrice nominated. Dick tries to make Jen feel like shit for this, but she's like, "What? I think it's cool." Hee. She's wearing a sleeping mask on the top of her head, which makes it all the more sublimely awesome. Daniele lies to Kail that they all think she's a threat. Then she tells Jen that she's nominated because she has taken things to a personal level "with people other than myself." Oh, totally. Jen's nominated because she called everyone else out for cheating on their boyfriends of two-and-a-half years. Good for Daniele for standing up to that.
Jen DRs all, "Hello! Doesn't bother me! And I win the veto every week anyway!" Daniele smugs outrageously in the DR about her super-secret back-door plan that will rock the house to its foundations. Was it similar to Nick's back-door plans that would rock your relationship to its foundations? Someone's getting fucked in either case.