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Ace reporter D'Anna Biers is offered unrestricted access to the Galactica. Yeah, it's one of those episodes. Through an octagonal lens, Biers captures the usual amount of bickering and angst, and an awful lot of Apollo's skin. Meanwhile, Tigh receives a poetic death threat and, when he tries to attend a conference on the Astral Queen, his Raptor is sabotaged. Ellen frets that Adama is going to sacrifice Tigh to the gods of PR. After giving us a few glimpses of a laid-back Gaeta, and Dualla's parental traumas, Biers tries to ambush Tigh in an interview, but he doesn't fall for it. Well, mostly. Then Kat freaks out while trying to land her Viper. It turns out that she's developed a little stim problem. While chasing Kat's gurney to sickbay, Biers spots Boomer receiving treatment for her own medical emergency. Adama confronts Biers and takes away the tape documenting their pet Cylon -- or at least he tries to, but he falls for the old "switched tape" routine. Baltar's attempt to do an interview that will win the hearts and minds of his people is, luckily for him and us, interrupted by the cheapest space battle ever. Two Raiders approach the Galactica and are quickly shot down by Apollo and Starbuck. While trying to edit her story together, Biers spots A Vital And Convenient Clue just as Tigh is attacked. It turns out that Hammerhead is way bitter about his role in the Gideon massacre, and that's why he's after Tigh. Tigh obligingly presses his head against Hammerhead's gun, and Hammerhead backs down just as Biers turns up with some marines. In the end, Biers puts together a heartwarming piece about what heroes the Galacticans are, and, in lieu of yet another standing ovation, she closes it with the original Battlestar Galactica theme song. Aw. The episode ends with some delighted Cylons watching the show back on Caprica. They're even more delighted to find out that Boomer is alive and on Galactica. Yes, Biers is a Cylon. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously: we learned that you should never get in between soldiers and their coffee.
We open with footage of the Gideon riot. The footage is fuzzy and the corners of the frame are cut off to make an even-wider-screen octagonal image. And it's even shakier than their usual shaky-cam. Hammerhead screams, "Cease fire," and suddenly there's a Marine pointing a gun directly at the cameraman and shooting. Oopsie. There's a cut, and now the camera is lying on the ground as another civilian falls nearby. Hammerhead calls for a medic. Then a kid shouts, "Daaaaad?" and wanders into frame. The kid stiffly calls, "Oh my gods, oh my gods," and kneels down and looks directly into the camera. For half of the episode I was expecting to find out that this was faked footage, because yeesh. In the podcast, Moore admits that he's not exactly satisfied with this scene. There's a cut in the footage, and the moppet is replaced by Lucy Lawless. She explains that this is "recently discovered footage from what's become known as 'the Gideon Massacre.'" Do you think there are folk songs about it? She reminds us that four civilians died, and that no charges have been filed against the Marines or their COs. She winds up by helpfully saying, "This is D'Anna Biers, reporting."
We finally learn that Biers and her cameraman are looking over this footage in a makeshift editing room. Biers declares, "That's gonna blow this thing wide open." It was at this point that I began to suspect that this episode might be just a tiny bit clichéd. She tells the cameraman that they need to insert "some stock footage of raging Marines." They're interrupted when a pair of Marines tromp into the room, ignoring the protests of another flunky, and ask Biers to come with them. Biers asks if she's under arrest, and they say no. She asks, "And what if I refuse to go?" Her rather attractive cameraman looks back and forth between the marines and Biers. But he says nothing. I think he might be mute.
By way of an answer, we cut to the Colonial One. Hm, that's not an answer at all, is it? And it was an interesting question, too. Odd. The marines escort Biers into the Prez's office as the Prez steps out of her quarters, followed by Adama. Greetings are exchanged, and based on the Prez's delighted grin, she's either trying her best to charm Biers, or she and Adama were bringing their fleets together, if you know what I mean. It's probably the first thing, since Adama immediately demands to know where Biers got the tape of the Gideon massacre. Biers credits "an anonymous patriot," and smirks, "Is this a social call, or are we on the verge of another coup?" Adama says, "Funny," and doesn't mean it. He uses a level one glare, and Biers reacts with level one nervousness as she asks if they're unhappy about her story. Adama says, "What happened aboard the Gideon was a tragedy. But it was not a massacre." Exposition ensues, and Biers complains that her requests for interviews with the soldiers involved have been denied. The Prez says that's going to change, and explains that Adama will give Biers and her crew unlimited access to the Galactica. Biers says that she won't do a propaganda piece, and the world shouts, "Liar! Liar!" The Prez says that they don't want that. And again: "Liar!" The Prez says that people don't trust the military, and Biers snarks, "With good reason, Ma'am." The Prez loses her grin and snaps, "In some cases with good reason." She says that she wants the people to see what life aboard the Galactica is like: "And I need you to do it now, before we tear each other apart." No pressure.
CIC. Tigh grumps that supply runs are behind schedule. Uh oh, are they running out of coffee? Luckily, we're saved from another bloodbath when Ellen calls and duallas that something's wrong.
Tigh passes a soldier as he enters his quarters. Ellen rushes into his arms and moans, "I'm so scared!" Tigh looks around, and then we see an octagonal mirror with a message scrawled on it in red fingerpaint: "From the darkness, you must fall." On the the wall near the mirror is a framed insignia for the Vigilantes, which I guess is Tigh's old fighter group. Heh. The camera swings around to show Tigh and Ellen reflected in the mirror, and Ellen asks, "What does it mean?" Well, if you don't know, why are you so scared of it? I mean, maybe it's something good. Hey, it says you'll come out of the darkness, so that part sounds okay, right?
Credits. 47,853 survivors. Blipverts: fire extinguishers, duct tape, blood, boxing. Commercials. As I write this, I've finished the rest of the recap and am listening to the podcast. Moore just said that he wanted to use this episode to reveal aspects of the characters that we haven't seen before. Which makes me feel bad, because that's pretty much my complaint. I mean, I wouldn't mind this episode's being basically plotless if we actually did learn things that caused us to see the characters in a new way, or if we saw them acting in situations we don't normally see. But the show is already based on showing us characters who are flawed but heroic. Why spend an hour watching someone else learn what we found out in the first episode? It seems kind of telling that the few new things we do learn are about the secondary characters, who don't get much screen time normally; they're the only people whose dark secrets we don't already know. Meh. It'd have been a lot more interesting to find out what civilians on other ships think of the regular characters.
We return to octacam footage of Adama reading an octagonal magazine. It turns out that he, and Biers and her cameraman, are in a Raptor headed for the Galactica. Eventually, he closes the magazine (Caprican Life) and asks Racetrack where she got it. Racetrack says that the magazines were "left over from a civilian run," and apologetically says that she meant to throw them out. Adama insists, "Put 'em in a safe place. Hold onto 'em. There's a Sudoku puzzle in the back I want to try." Eventually he looks up at the octacam and confirms that Biers is filming all of this. Biers reminds him that she was told she'd have total access. Adama offers an amendment: "You start shooting anything that compromises the safety of this ship, and it'll be cut."
Galactica. Dualla leads Biers and the cameraman down a corridor, pointing out boring things like an oxygen recirc unit. We do at least learn that the cameraman's name is Bell, and he even gets a line.
Locker room. Starbuck pulls on a shirt as she gripes about working fifteen-hour rotations. Apollo is toweling himself off as he explains, "We're gonna be short on pilots till the rest of the fleet pulls the stick out of its collective fat ass." Starbuck sputters with laughter, and I think, "Wow, she is easily amused." Then, as she pulls on her second layer of shirts, she giggles, "More fallout from Tigh's moment of glory?" Oh, she was laughing about Tigh. That makes so much more sense. Apollo confirms that Starbuck heard about the threat against Tigh. She gets her faux-bad-ass on: "I just can't believe that I haven't been called in for questioning yet." Disappointingly, she doesn't put on yet another shirt as she says this. I was hoping that she'd be wearing a dozen layers by the end of the scene. Apollo reassures her that she was the prime suspect, but explains, "I told Tigh that you wouldn't know Caprican poetry if it was hot-soldered across your helmet." He snickers and walks away, still toweling, and Starbuck recites, "From the darkness you must fall, failed and weak, to darkness all." This is apparently an old poem by Kataris. Apollo looks impressed, but if it's common knowledge that Tigh was threatened using this very line of poetry, wouldn't people be talking about it and quoting it everywhere? Ah well. Starbuck asks, "Can I be a suspect yet? Please?" and Apollo giggles.
Dualla leads Biers and Bell toward the galley and tries to make their vegetable bins sound interesting. I'd have liked this more if I was sure that Dualla were deliberately being as dull as possible. Like, if we saw Adama telling her, "Show them everything. I promised them total access, after all. Start with the head." Luckily for us all, Hotdog suddenly rushes past them, chased by Kat. They're both wearing towels, and laughing and scurrying around, and it's just like being in the freshman dorm in college. Biers and Bell abandon Dualla, and follow the scampering pilots into the locker room.
Octacam shows Hotdog and Kat running into the locker room as Apollo sniffs, "Here come Tweedledum and Tweedledee." Does this mean that Lewis Carroll was a Cylon? Octacam pans over to reveal Hammerhead in an upper bunk, watching the action in a surly way. Plot point! We hear him snarl, "Keep it down," and Apollo begins wishing that, at some point in his life, he'd learned how to fasten a towel around his waist. The pilots spot the reporters, and Kat races over and mugs for the camera. She does the obligatory "Hi, Mom," and then says, "This is for my buddies on freighter 212." And then she moons the camera. Except I don't think she does, really, since she's got a bath sheet wrapped around her. Apollo roars, "Kat!" and marches over, still struggling with his own towel. I think he's just bitter because Kat's towel is bigger. We go back to octacam as Kat stammers that she was saying hi to some of her buddies. Apollo asks if she was "literally talking out of [her] ass." The correct answer is no. He tells her to go get dressed, and Kat exits, pulling another face for the camera. Apollo chases Hotdog out as well, and then finally turns back to Biers and guesses that she's the reporter. Bright lad. Biers snickers, "You didn't have to dress for me," and introduces herself. Apollo starts to shake hands, and nearly drops his towel. Is it really that difficult to fasten a towel? And yeah, he's very impressively muscly and it does nothing for me, which is a shame, I guess. Anyway, he introduces himself: "Captain Lee Adama, commander of the air group. That's pronounced, 'CAG.' And I suggest you find yourselves an exit as soon as possible. And that's pronounced, 'asap.'" Biers rolls her eyes a little and then tells Bell that they've seen all they need to see. Bell seems inclined to see a little more, but he dutifully follows Biers out. Once they're gone, Apollo prepares to prance around naked some more and gripes, "Whose brilliant idea was that?" Huh? Also, maybe you should consider shutting the door if you don't like people tromping in all the time. Somehow this reminds me of the time my friend Niels, who has a gift for oxymorons, described a roommate as a "closet exhibitionist."
Cut to Biers asking, "How did your family respond?" Octacam reveals that Dualla is being interviewed in front of a nice blue curtain that I guess they brought along as a backdrop. A caption appears identifying her as "Anastasia Dualla, Petty Officer 2nd Class, CFR." Dualla says that her father thought the military was a refuge for "emotional cripples and patriotic fools." Apparently, her dad was good friends with the Adama family. She explains that she joined because she wanted to believe in something. Biers looks perplexed.
In a corridor, where Biers is getting technical advice from Dualla. Baltar strolls past, watching curiously. He mutters, "What the hell's going on?" Six appears, in a black version of her usual red dress, and Baltar whines that the reporter really ought to want to talk to him. Six soothes, "Your title alone commands respect." Hee. I feel like there's an implied dig there -- that his title is the only thing about him that commands respect. Baltar goes on whining and declares that he's not going to beg. He is, however, going to stroll back and stand around until someone notices him. Biers looks at him, and Baltar waits smugly. Biers returns to her conversation, and Six tells Baltar that he may have to beg. She insists, "You'll do whatever is necessary to protect our child. Politics may not be your strong suit, but it serves us in the moment." She straightens his collar and gives him a hug as she coos, "Trust me. This one can help us." Six vanishes as Biers finally gives in to the lure and introduces herself as part of "Fleet News Service." Baltar feigns befuddlement, and I am impressed by the way James Callis can distinguish Baltar's being genuinely befuddled from Baltar unconvincingly pretending to be befuddled. Once prompted, Baltar admits that he may have heard something about a reporter visiting the ship, and guesses that she's very busy doing interviews. Biers admits that she'd love to interview him if he has a few minutes. Baltar plays hard to get, and blusters that he's "snowed under" and couldn't possibly spare the time. He suggests that if she checks with his aides, he just might be able to free up a few minutes for her tomorrow. His aides? I wonder if he has actual aides in the lab, or an honorary VP staff. Or maybe he just means Gaeta. Dualla and Bell watch this conversation with expressions that suggest a tour of the vegetable bins is sounding better every second. A rather bemused Biers agrees to get in touch, and Baltar chirps, "Carry on," and exits. Biers turns back toward Dualla and says, "What a strange little man." Dualla nods. Heh.
It's Apollo's turn for an interview. Biers snickers, "I hardly recognized you with your clothes on." Apollo chuckles, but says, "I'm sure you thought it was clever, busting into the pilots duty locker." She didn't exactly bust in, kiddo: the door was open. He goes on whining that the locker room is "the one place where my people can unwind and be themselves." Biers asks if the pilots deserve "special consideration." And now I have to ask Biers to back up. Has Biers been free to invade the privacy of civilians whenever she likes? If not, how is it special consideration? I'm just saying, if you run around naked in front of an open door, you can't be shocked if people look at you. But if you tell them to buzz off and shut the door, you're not demanding any special privilege. In conclusion: they're both crazy. Apollo explains that, just like everyone else, the pilots have lost family and friends: "On top of that, they're asked to put their lives on the line every single day for a fleet that seems more interested in what they do wrong than in what they do right." He claims that the pilots aren't asking for pity, but that they deserve respect. Fair enough. Except for the craziness.
Hangar deck. Kat waits impatiently while Tyrol looks over her Viper. We see Bell filming in the background while Kat frets and checks her watch. Tyrol claims, "Something doesn't feel right," and pokes around some more before prodding at a hose, which promptly sprays fluid all over. Tyrol grumps, "How the hell did I miss that?" Not being mechanically inclined, I'm thinking that everything seemed to be fine until he yanked that hose out. As Bell wanders over, Kat growls, "Maybe if your knuckledraggers spent more time on maintenance, [and] less time fracking around...?" We go to octacam as Tyrol snaps that he just saved Kat's ass. They shout at each other until Starbuck hurries over and tells them both to knock it off. Kat goes on needling Tyrol until Starbuck orders her off the deck. On her way out, Kat angrily kicks over a toolbox. Tyrol gets to work on the Viper as Starbuck confers with Apollo. They both try to keep their backs to the octacam as Starbuck says that she's taking Kat off rotation until she calms down. Apollo says that they can't spare Kat, and adds, "If I scratched everyone who popped off at the chief, the cooks would be flying the missions." Aw, poor Tyrol! They ponder, and then Starbuck spins around and asks the camera, "Didja get all that? You happy?" We see Biers calmly holding a microphone out toward them, and Apollo tugs Starbuck off the deck.
Time for an interview with Scott Kelso, Private First Class. Kelso is apparently another one of the soldiers who was aboard the Gideon. He explains that they weren't trained for crowd control, and adds, "First order of business when under attack is defend yourself and your squad." We see Hammerhead pacing about in the background while Biers argues that the soldiers aboard the Gideon were dealing with civilians. Kelso shows Biers a long scar on the side of his head and huffs, "I have ten stitches that say we were under attack." He goes on to say that it was "a command frack-up." Kelso does a nice serial-killer glare into the camera and says, "I'm not surprised someone's trying to take out that drunk son of a bitch." Aw, Kelso's a red herring! That's adorable. Hammerhead rushes over saying, "Belay that," and ends the interview.
Via octacam, see Adama lead Biers into CIC. Inside, the crew glances awkwardly at the camera. Tigh tells Adama, "Fleet's quiet, no enemy contact for the last ten days." Then he turns and sees the octacam inches from his face and winces before adding, "No Cylon contact, anyway." Heh. Adama and Tigh take turns expositioning about how representatives from every ship are going to some big meeting on the Cloud Nine. Adama says that he's sending Tigh as the Galactica's delegate. Tigh, flustered, turns to the octacam again and asks, "Do you mind?" as he tries to wave it back. Biers reassures him, "No, go ahead." Hee! Adama explains, "You're going because you're not afraid, and people should see that. Plus, it'll also give people a chance to vent their feelings instead of seething in private." He adds that Tigh could use some R&R: "Take a swim. Get some sleep." Tigh grudgingly accepts that, and then Adama quietly adds, "And stay away from the bar." Tigh immediately turns to eye the octacam again.
Hangar deck. Tyrol tells Starbuck, "There are three, so you got lots." I assume he's talking about ships. It's funny no matter what he means, really. Tigh strolls past in his dress uniform, trailed by Biers and Bell. Starbuck snidely calls, "Have fun on Cloud Nine!" Tigh climbs into a Raptor, and they prepare to take off, and I'm a little bored. Smoke begins pouring out of the ship. I wait for Tyrol to run over and say, "Oh, that's where I left those tons of dry ice I was saving." The hatch reopens as crewmen rush over with fire extinguishers. Tigh pops out and asks what happened. Tyrol examines a panel on the ship and explains, "The main buss is totaled -- looks like somebody took a hammer to it." He looks at Tigh extra-seriously and adds, "If this had blown in transit, the cabin would have vented to space." Dun dun dun. This is just so cheesy.
Commercials. Aw, the guy playing Bell is an actual cameraman! So he was really shooting, and they intended to use that footage but it turned out that a lot of it was unusable since he kept catching the behind-the-scenes crew in his own shots. Heh.
Tigh is in his quarters, putting away his dress uniform. So he isn't going to the conference at all? Is someone else going? Because it sounded kind of important, but nobody mentions it again this week. And shouldn't someone be conducting an investigation into the sabotage? Shouldn't someone wonder if a Cylon is responsible? Why is this episode so dopey? So many questions. Ellen observes that someone wants to kill Tigh because of what happened aboard the Gideon, and adds that Biers is eager to do an interview with Tigh. He scoffs at that idea and pours himself a drink. Ellen tries to sow some paranoia, and claims that Adama and the Prez might sacrifice Tigh to regain the support of the fleet. She sighs, "This is so like you, Saul. Always the proud soldier. Taking the heat because it's honorable." She pets him soothingly and asks, "When are you gonna realize we're all alone out here?" Tigh gulps his drink and edges away.
We pan over the memorial corridor, papered with photos and notes. And littered with candles. Such a huge fire hazard. Racetrack lights yet another candle and exhales shakily.
It's Racetrack's turn in front of the octacam, and it turns out her name is Margaret Edmonson. Biers asks if she's frightened when she's in combat, and Racetrack says, "Yes. Duh." End of interview. No, actually, Racetrack says that they're instructed to assume they're already dead. She explains, "Dead men don't get scared or freeze up under fire. Me, I'm just worried that hell's gonna be a lonely place, and I'm gonna fill it up with every toaster son of a bitch I find." I see.
Cut to an interview with Helo. What an angular head he has. Helo echoes Racetrack's comments about turning off your emotions, adding, "But when you're out in the field, it's not that easy. Nothing's that easy."
Helo approaches Boomer's darkened cell. The camera pans around to reveal Boomer sweatily shivering in her bunk, while a guard tells Helo, "You've got five minutes." Helo raps on the barred window and picks up the phone. Boomer doesn't respond at first, but finally rolls over in the bunk to face him. Helo testily demands the guard's flashlight and shines it into the cell. Boomer pulls one hand out from under the blanket and stares at the blood on her fingers. She starts sobbing, and Helo shouts for the guard to call Dr. Cottle. Yay!
Another interview. This time it's mellow, after-hours Gaeta. Wow. His jacket's unbuttoned, and he's speculatively puffing on a cigarette. I have to say, I'm impressed by the way his entire bearing is different in this scene. Oh yes, and Gaeta's first name is Felix. Biers asks if the cigarette helps him cope with stress. Gaeta says, "Not really." Heh. He casually explains that all he ever wanted was to be an officer on a Battlestar. He says he trained harder than anyone, and put his life on hold until he got to the Galactica: "Then the Cylons hit. And I realized that this is all that I know. Tech manuals, commands, and tactics, you know?" He says that he's not unhappy, then shrugs and admits that he wonders if there's something more before breaking into "Is That All There Is?." Biers asks what Gaeta has learned. Huh? Gaeta admits, "I hate cigarettes," and puts his out. He goes on to say that "ambrosia's good with a chaser," and that if you have enough ambrosia you'll wind up getting a crap tattoo of a tiger. It's like a very short after-school special.
Biers pins a microphone onto Tigh's jacket and claims, "We'll make this as painless as possible." To prove her point, she immediately offers Tigh a drink, and pours a glass for herself as well. They take seats at a small table with their glasses. I like the way Tigh pauses to sniff his beverage delicately. Biers says that before they begin, she wants to know if it's true that Tigh's received death threats. The "before we begin" part is a trick, since we immediately see that Bell is already filming. Tigh doesn't seem to notice, though, and just chuckles, "This is a military vessel. We have rumors for every occasion." Biers asks if it was difficult to take command, but Tigh sticks to his talking points, saying, "I didn't take anything. Command fell to me, and I did my duty." Biers notes that Tigh took some "controversial actions." Oh, she also says that he was in command for over a week, for anyone working on a timeline. Tigh explains that what happened aboard the Gideon was the result of a military decision, and that he'd do the same thing again. Tigh clunks his empty glass onto the table defiantly, but Biers presses on, asking if he has any regrets. Tigh looks at the glasses on the table, and then at the camera. And then at Biers, who probably shouldn't have started smirking right then. Tigh flips his empty glass off the table and stands up, pulling his microphone off as he grouses, "You're trying to set me up." Biers asks why there wasn't an official investigation into what happened on the Gideon. Tigh heads for the door, but Biers jumps up and blocks him. For about half a second, because then Tigh shoves her aside and snaps, "Get out of my face!" Exit Tigh. Biers turns to Bell and asks, "Did you get that?" Bell gives her a thumbs-up. Biers observes, "Someone's a mean drunk." Like I said, the insights we're getting into the characters aren't all that insightful.
Starbuck clobbers a punching bag in the mood-lit gym as Biers and Bell enter. Starbuck pauses her pummeling long enough to say, "Great. I could use a sparring partner," and gets back to work. Bell eagerly pans up and down Starbuck's sweaty body as Biers explains that Adama suggested that she talk to Starbuck about the new pilots. Starbuck gives the bag a kick as she says, "Captain Adama likes to push my buttons." He does? Oh! This is like that episode of WKRP in Cincinnati where they all act wrong so that Mother Carlson's flunky will sound crazy when he reports back on the staff. Right? That must be it. Biers asks what Starbuck looks for in a new recruit. Starbuck goes through the boilerplate response about coordination and commitment, and pantingly adds, "Most of all, someone crazy enough to follow me into combat."
In Adama's quarters, Biers shows Adama the footage of Tigh shoving her. Adama looks pained and offers an apology for Tigh's behavior. Biers snits, "Seems like a lot of people have been apologizing for him over the years." Really? A lot of people? Not just Adama? See, that also might be interesting to hear about, but we won't. Biers asks why Tigh wasn't charged for what happened on the Gideon. Adama says that in their situation, he's not going to "sacrifice the few people [they] have left on the altar of public outrage." Biers asks, "So four civilians are dead, and Tigh and the shooters take a walk?" Adama says that nobody takes a walk: "They all gotta live with it." Except the dead people, of course. Unless there are zombies.
A Viper heads for the Galactica. Inside the landing deck, we pan over to see the little observation cubicle. Cool. And inside the cubicle is Kelly. Hi, Kelly. Biers is there too. He clears Kat to land, only with more words. In her Viper, Kat is sweaty and muttering to herself. She probably picked that up from Apollo. Kelly tells Kat that she's "dropping below glide slope." The Viper swings widely from side to side, and Kat whines that the controls are messed up. Kelly waves Kat off, and Kat zooms over the Galactica.
Starbuck marches in complaining that Kat's been waved off three times now.
Cut to an octacam interview with Kat. She's clearly unwell, because her hair's all frizzy. Her name turns out to be Louanne Katraine. She talks about working under pressure and blah blah "one mistake, we're a smear in the cockpit."
Back at the landing deck, Starbuck gets on the wireless to try to talk Kat through the landing. A panicky Kat repeats that her controls are messed up. Then she breathes heavily for a while, until Kelly announces that she's coming in too low and tries to wave her off again. Starbuck insists that Kat's going to land, and snaps, "Full throttle, now!" The drumbeats of an impending explosion are cued up.
Octacam interview. Kat gibbers happily that coming back from a successful run is better than sex.
In her Viper, Kat's in full freak-out. The Viper soars into the landing bay and crunches down heavily onto the deck, bouncing and skidding as Kat is tossed around inside. Sirens go off as Starbuck announces, "She missed the trap," and hurries out. Kelly calls for medics and damage control Bell and Biers hurry out after Starbuck. The Viper continues sliding along the deck with a metallic screech.
Octacam of Starbuck running down to the deck as Apollo rushes in from the other direction and asks what happened. By the time they reach the deck, medics are trying to haul Kat out onto a gurney. Kat is screaming for them to let her go. Hey! Starbuck's wearing shorts. She hurries to Kat and tries to reassure her that she's back home now. Kat yells, "Home is dead! We gotta get outta here! They're gonna kill us!" While Kat flails about, Starbuck reaches into Kat's sleeve pocket and pulls out a bottle of pills. "Stims?" she asks, and hands them to Apollo. Kat tries to grab her pills while the octacam pans over to show the deck crew staring at the scene. Apollo and Starbuck eventually team up to restrain a sobbing Kat and hoist her onto the gurney. They strap her down, and the medics roll her off to sickbay. Starbuck holds one hand up to block the octacam as Apollo observes, "By the look of her, she's been taking them by the handful."
Cut an octacam view of Kat being trundled down the corridor. It appears that Biers has followed Kat while Bell stayed on the landing deck. They enter sickbay just as Boomer shrieks, "Don't you dare touch me!" As Kat's gurney passes a curtained area, a nurse parts the curtains and Biers spins around with her camera. Within, Cottle grabs Boomer by the shoulders and shouts back, "I am trying to save your baby!" He tells a nurse to hold Boomer, and then someone covers the octacam and growls that this is a restricted area. Well, maybe you should go for higher security than some curtains, dude.
Some time later, Adama enters sickbay. Someone says, "Commander, she's over here." Adama steps into another top secret curtained zone, where Biers is reclining on a bed. Not like that. Upon seeing Adama, she sits up and gasps, "That woman looks just like the late Lieutenant Valerii." The thing I like is that she says that as if maybe he'll say, "Really? I guess there is a resemblance, now that you mention it." But Adama isn't in the mood to chat; he just wants the tape. Biers asks why they're harboring a Cylon. Adama repeats, "The tape." Biers asks if the baby survived, and opens her camera. Adama picks up the camera and asks, "Do you understand that even a hint of this could be devastating to the morale in the fleet?" Biers says, "You're the master of understatement." Heh. She adds that if word of this got out, it could turn the fleet against him. Adama stares at her levelly and says that the real question is whether that matters to Biers. Biers huffs that she's tired of having her loyalty questioned. She says, "We all want this fleet to survive." Adama just stares some more, and Biers finally looks away with a rueful snicker. Adama takes the tape out, returns the camera, gives Biers a quick glare, and exits. Biers leans back on the bed and, after a minute, pulls another tape out of her shirt. Gasp!
Commercials. In the podcast, Moore talks about how, before the Cylon attack, Apollo was planning to leave the service and open a bar. I can see that. He'd be that bartender who you can tell all your secret troubles to, because he's just going to relate it all to his own problems anyway and forget what you've said five minutes later.
It's time for Baltar's interview. He burbles about how well Biers is doing under these difficult circumstances, and mentions that she may have antagonized a few people along the way. He concludes, "As a member of the civilian government, I am here to assure you that I have no such reservations." Biers busily helps Bell set up the equipment and politely observes that she's just doing her job. Baltar burbles some more, until Six mercifully intervenes. She says, "Cut to the chase, Gaius. Tell her why you deserve to lead this fleet." Baltar segues into his experiences on Kobol, where he learned that "the stress of survival revealed...leadership qualities that previously I didn't even know that I possessed." ! ! That's a nice way of putting it. Biers drily notes that there were several casualties on Kobol. Baltar's face freezes for a second and he hoarsely admits, "Yes, that was very unfortunate." After a beat, he declares that he's ready to start shooting. And then alarms go off. Baltar quickly insists that it's probably a false alarm, triggered having too many people with B-names in one room. Biers bustles about and tells Bell to head for the hangar deck while she goes to CIC. Baltar urges them to stay, insisting, "You're safer here, really!" Biers and Bell rush out. Baltar sits alone, staring at the empty tripod, and sighs, "That's showbiz."
Crewmen rush around, the way they do, as the alarms continue. Starbuck and Apollo meet up in an intersection, and Apollo breathlessly exclaims, "Two Raiders closing fast," as they hurry to their ships. Bell follows them.
Biers runs into CIC. Gaeta tells Adama that the Raiders are "on CBDR with Galactica." Biers gets a translation from Dualla: "Constant Bearing, Decreasing Range -- a collision course." Man, even when everyone's in the same room, Dualla still has to dualla. Tigh cues up some exposition that the CAP is at the other end of the fleet. If they can't get across the fleet in the time it takes two Raiders to get from long-range to the Galactica, I think they need to seriously reconsider how far they're letting the fleet spread out. I'm becoming seriously attached to my WKRP interpretation here. Adama orders the alert fighters scrambled, and tells the fleet to get ready to jump FTL "just in case." Just in case of what? Is there any reason not to jump? I don't understand.
Hangar deck. Octacam footage is intercut with the regular shakycam as the pilots and deck crew hustle to launch.
CIC. Gaeta tells Adama that the first team is about to launch. Dualla says, "Pilots on speaker."
Octacam footage of Dualla's interview. Biers asks if she ever made up with her father. Dualla says, "I wouldn't let him." She says that the last time she spoke to her father, things got heated: "I told him I never wanted to see him again. Three weeks later, the Cylons attacked."
Back in CIC, Biers says to Dualla, "I'm new at this. Should I be scared?" Dualla looks up and calmly says, "I am." Biers is new at this? I don't think that's meant to be a tell, but it ought to raise some eyebrows. How many attacks has the fleet been through at this point? And given that the Galactica took a direct hit from a nuke, is a collision with two Raiders really that terrifying a prospect? I mean, yes, it'll do damage, and I suppose they could be a pair of boarding parties, so they shouldn't be yawning about it. But the boarding party only managed to get past their defenses because it was part of an attack of thousands of ships. I think the proper reaction should be suspicion, not terror. Anyway.
Hangar deck. Tyrol orders the crew to get ready for recovery now that the ships are away.
In CIC, everyone listens to the wireless reports from the pilots. Apollo, Starbuck, Hotdog, and Kingston check in. As does a pilot with the callsign "Greyshirt." Moore/Veitch shoutout? Maybe?
This is kind of screwy to try to recap, honestly. We alternate between the hangar deck and CIC while just listening the pilots on the wireless. Journey with me to the days of radio drama. Apollo tells them to prepare to engage. Gaeta answers his phone and says, "Copy that," and Biers races over to film it like that's terribly exciting. Hotdog announces that they're engaging the Raiders, and everyone breaks out champagne for a celebratory toast. Or perhaps I misunderstood. There are a lot of the pilots talking each other through the battle, and eventually Starbuck shouts, "Yeah, splash one!" Let's imagine a cool explosion here. Hotdog says that he's targeting the other Raider, and Apollo urges, "Dammit, take the shot!" There's a pause, and Apollo says, "That's a kill!" Adama hisses, "Yessss," and pumps his fist. Well, at least they didn't start clapping. Tigh says that the dradis is clear. Adama tells the crew that the Raiders were destroyed. As everyone prepares to mellow out, Tigh tells Gaeta, "You have the deck," and wanders away in search of a drink. Biers aims her camera at Dualla and asks if it ever gets easier. Dualla says, "No, Ma'am. It gets harder." Biers lowers the camera and quietly says, "Thank you," before leaving.
Hangar deck. Apollo is checking over his ship as Bell asks, "How'd it go out there?" Apollo ponderously says, "Well, we didn't lose anyone. That's a good day." Hush, muppet-face.
Oh, jeez, back to the subplot. Although at least there is a plot in it. Tigh walks down the corridor and enters his quarters. Ellen is wearing a nice little pink outfit. She's also bound and gagged with duct tape. Tigh boggles briefly, and then he's clubbed on the head. I think the most disturbing aspect of this show are the occasional Angel flashbacks it inspires. Not least because I've already made the easy jokes for this. Plus, having Tigh in Wesley's role is disturbing for many reasons.
Commercials. For me personally, the best thing about the podcast is that at one point, Moore briefly confuses Kat with Racetrack. That makes me feel so much better.
Well, what with that cliffhanger before the commercials, naturally we return to...octacam footage of Kat scampering around from the first act. Le sigh. Biers and Bell are reviewing the footage, and Biers says, "I'm not sure I've found a story in all this yet." Honey, I know you haven't. On the monitor, the camera pans over to Hammerhead in his bunk, and -- what's this? Zounds! Hotdog was wearing underwear beneath his towel! Cheater. Oh, and also, Hammerhead has a book with a bright red cover to him in the bunk. Biers points at it and gasps, "I know that book. That's by Kataris."
Tigh's quarters. Tigh groans on the floor, and looks around at Ellen. Then he looks up at Hammerhead, who's standing above him with a gun. I hope he learned something from the locker-room incident, and at least shut the door. Hammerhead, looking weirdly Xander-like, as if I wasn't confused enough, asks if Tigh needs a drink. He upends a bottle and pours the contents onto Tigh, Tigh recoils like it's acid, although maybe he's just horrified by the way good booze is going to waste. Hammerhead drops the bottle onto Tigh's belly, and Tigh grunts, "You can go to hell." Hammerhead psychos, "I've been there. It's called Gideon." He monologues, "Those weren't Cylons we tagged; those were real people who looked like my dad, who looked like my little brother." Tigh slowly gets to his feet and says that this won't change anything. Hammerhead raises his gun and says that there'll be justice. Ellen squeals in muffled protest from the floor. Tigh tells Hammerhead to go ahead: "Somebody has to pay for what happened on that ship. I was in command, I sent you there. It's my fault." Hammerhead goes bug-eyed at that, and Tigh leans in so that the gun is pressed tightly against his forehead. Tigh urges, "Come on, son. Do it." Hammerhead scrunches up his face, and after a moment, Tigh reaches up and pulls the gun away. And then, in all the excitement, he twitches his finger and accidentally blows Ellen's head off. Nah, just kidding. Instead, Tigh explains that what happened on the Gideon was an accident. He holds the gun up and says, "This is a choice."
A pair of Marines bursts in, Biers holding her camera up from behind them. He didn't shut the door. What a maroon. Tigh immediately wheels around and declares, "We're all right here." The marines lead a dazed Hammerhead away, and Biers lingers to get some shots of Ellen for a fetish magazine. Tigh finally gets around to un-taping Ellen, and Biers and Bell film Tigh holding his sobbing wife until Tigh looks in the camera and sighs, "Would you get out of my face?" Heh.
Sickbay. Bell works the camera as Biers asks Kat, "What made you do it?" Kat whimpers that she was tired and losing her edge. She sighs, "I didn't know what else to do." Biers asks if Kat could have talked to someone. Kat, exasperated, says that everyone's in the same situation. "There are no replacements coming up. There's no downtime. This is it."
Cut to the Caprica One. Biers and Bell sit at a table. The camera swings around to show that Billy, Adama, the Prez, and Tigh are watching the finished story. Kat's interview continues on the monitor, as Biers tells her that she just made a mistake. Kat says that because of her, they're short a pilot now. Kat: "Yeah, except now my flight's a pilot short. Those guys, they're just as tired and they're just as messed up as I was." Lots of reaction shots as Kat explains, "I've worked my ass off defending this ship. I've been frustrated, I've been angry. I've been everything that you can possibly think of. This is the first time that I've felt ashamed." We finally see the monitor, and Kat looks to be near tears. Oh, and so does Adama. He's such a soft touch. Over his shoulder, the Prez just looks mildly intrigued, heh. Tigh, stone-faced, says he's seen enough, and Biers stops the playback. Tigh complains that the fleet will think even less of them after seeing this. "You show us with our pants down and our asses hanging out." He asks for Adama's opinion, and Adama calmly says, "I think it's great." Tigh is never going to learn that he should always say the opposite of what he thinks if he wants Adama on his side. I wonder if Adama keeps Tigh around as his own personal George Costanza. Adama says that Biers "put a human face on the guardians of the fleet. Warts and all." He says she can show it to the fleet. The Prez makes a smug face and says that she'd like to see the ending. Adama agrees, so Bell starts the recording again.
Over a montage of crewmen working, and the memorial corridor, Biers narrates that she expected to find arrogant egomaniacs before coming to the Galactica, but once there she learned a Valuable Lesson: "These people aren't Cylons. They're not robots blindly following orders and polishing their boots. They're people." Okay, it's great that she and the fleet learned that, but we knew it already. Moore does say that this is the show's thesis, and I totally agree, and that's why we didn't need to spend an hour relearning it. As the montage of profundity continues, the original Battlestar Galactica theme starts tweedling slowly. Biers says, that the Galacticans are "the thin line of blue separating us from the Cylons." Ew. She mentions that, according to Gaeta, not one member of the crew has asked to resign. She goes on and on about that for a while, and now we see the show is going out to people gathered around monitors throughout the ship, and presumably throughout the fleet. The montage finally lets up for a shot of a crewman mopping up a floor and whistling the original theme as some pilots stroll by for added poignancy. Biers says, "The story of Galactica isn't that people make bad decisions under pressure. It's that those mistakes are the exception." I'm getting the impression that while their technology may be more advanced, the media standards in their world are much, much lower. I think I prefer it here.
Biers finally winds things up by declaring that thanks to Galactica, the fleet has survived. The camera pulls back, and we see a few people watching the show on a big screen in a movie theater. The show ends, and now we see that the audience is our neighborhood gang of Cylons. A caption reads, "Cylon-occupied Caprica." Doral says, "That was shown across their entire fleet." Six admires the humans' resilience, and then Boomer asks someone to play the cut footage. We see the shaky footage of Biers busting in on Boomer in sickbay. Six looks amazed, and Doral looks bored. Boomer chirps, "I'm still alive. She's still alive!" She turns to Doral and sneers, "I told you." Heh. That explains Doral's sulkiness. Six asks, "And the baby?" From off-screen, a woman answers that the baby was saved. She adds, "We lost two Raiders relaying the images back to the fleet, but I think the sacrifice was worth it." Doral says that they must protect the baby at all costs. The camera pulls back to finally reveal that the woman they were talking to was Biers. She agrees with Doral and sighs, "It truly is a miracle from God."
time: the power's flickering, and Boomer says they're all doomed. She must be from California.
Production card: Eick starts to say something when the phone rings. Moore answers, and then Eick grabs the phone, jams it into Moore's ear and asks, "Can you hear me now?"
And with that, I must reluctantly take my leave. Real life has gotten a bit intrusive lately. Plus I've suddenly developed a strange desire to understand cricket, and that's clearly going to require some concentrated time. Jacob is very graciously taking over for me, because he's used to dealing with the evil human simulacra who walk among us, so please give him a warm welcome. But no slow-claps, for heaven's sake.