Previously: Starbuck was rude to Apollo, and Tigh was rude to Starbuck, but that was okay because he's Tigh. And because she's Starbuck.
We open with a press conference. The Prez is discussing the fleet's fuel shortage. Apparently even now, as they fight to survive, a ragtag fugitive fleet is on a lonely quest for a whole mess of tylium ore. A shot of the Colonial One is inserted, with a caption indicating that it's Day 36, and that fuel reserves are down to 5%. Further exposition is provided by a reporter who mentions that tylium is hard to find. He asks how long the fleet's current fuel supplies can last. The Prez non-answers that it depends on how well they conserve. Well. Yes. That's why he asked how long it could last. She needs a press secretary. Reporter #2 confirms that there's only enough fuel for two more jumps, and the other reporters all pester the Prez with follow-up questions till they're basically going "Badger badger badger," and then the Prez goes, "Snake, a snaaaaake!" In her head. Because there's a snake looped over the microphones in front of her. The Prez tries to ignore the pretty snake, and finally stammers that if they can't find more tylium, they'll look for a nice planetary system and try to colonize it. The Prez looks down, where I think some Scarlet King snakes have joined the reptile review on her podium. Reporter #2 mentions that they won't be able to perform evasive maneuvers, and while the Prez stammers some more, she asks, "Wouldn't we be like ducks in a Cylon shooting gallery?" Heh. It's a funny image. The Prez says, "Yes, we would," as she watches the slithering snakes. The reporters trade glances among themselves, probably thinking, "If only we still had a TV network, this would be such a scoop." The Prez finally apologizes, and excuses herself. She pulls her hand out from under the mass of snakes on the podium, and exits. The reporters murmur as Billy follows the Prez out.
Boomer and Crashdown are flying their Raptor through an asteroid field. Judging by Crashdown's crankiness, they've been at it a while. To cheer him up, Boomer starts to tease him about how a certain Ensign Davis has a crush on him: "Oh, you haven't noticed how she always sits to you in the mess?" Boomer imitates Davis talking breathily and giggling in a sorority-girl way. Crashdown tries to change the subject, complaining that all the debris is making scans impossible. He thumps his monitor angrily while Boomer continues, "I heard about how you found water, how you saved the whole fleet..." Suddenly, Crashdown's monitor finds something good. See, thumping electronics always makes them work. I'm serious. They probably didn't thump the Cylons enough back when they were still toasters, and look what happened. Anyway, Crashdown whoops, "That asteroid dead ahead is a mountain of tylium!" Boomer hoorays that they're heroes, and Crashdown snits, "Great, Boomer. The second that I score, the bus driver jumps in and takes the credit." Boomer starts to respond, but then sees something else. Cylons, in fact. A mess of raiders pop out from behind the asteroid. Crashdown moans, "We are well and truly fracked. The only tylium within twelve light-years and we gotta kiss it goodbye." The Raptor retreats as we see the Raiders whoosh over a base on the asteroid's surface.
Credits. So yeah, they changed the opening theme. Just barely. And the main difference is the first five or six notes. I'm not saying that y'all are crazy if you think it's a drastic, obvious change...but I might be thinking it. I have no real opinion about which version of the theme is better, much as I don't have a particular preference between eggshell and off-white.
CIC. Adama, Apollo, Tigh, and Gaeta are going over the information Boomer brought back. Tigh gripes, "Figures the Cylons would be sitting on the only source of fuel within our reach." Gaeta notes that the Cylons are staking out water holes again. Tigh seems unimpressed by the attempt to suck up. We now see that they're looking over a blown-up photo of the base. Apollo points to what he figures is a conveyer belt carrying the ore into a "cracking plant." Tigh seems to be in a particularly argumentative mood. First, he says there's no way that they can defeat the Cylons protecting the base, but then when Apollo says they'll have to search for tylium elsewhere, Tigh basically says that there's no chance of finding any that the Cylons aren't guarding. Adama finally declares: "We take the tylium from the Cylons." Everyone ponders that for a moment, and Tigh starts to argue some more until Adama adds, "We know where they are; they don't know where we are." Apollo asks what will happen if they fail. Has he been paying attention at all? "End of game," Tigh grumps. Adama says, "So we don't fail."
Ready room. Starbuck's got her very own whiteboard! It's hard to make out a couple of lines, but I think it goes like this.
Defeating the Cylon Missile:
1. See it.
2. Put it on your 3-9 line.
3. Countermeasures.
4. Turn hard onto it.
5. Pray.
Heh. Starbuck appears to be about done going over step four with the nuggets: "When the missile gets close enough, you'll be pulling maybe 7 Gs, but to catch you, the bastard's gonna have to pile on 40 to 60. Its guidance system can't hack it, and it'll miss. Most of the time." Chuckles asks what "most of the time" means, and Starbuck basically directs him to step five. Adama enters, and there's standing and as-you-were-ing and the nuggets get a coffee break so that Adama can talk to Starbuck. Adama explains, "Captain Adama and Col. Tigh are working up a plan now, and I need some serious out-of-the-box thinking." Starbuck very seriously answers, "Out of the box is where I live." I hope someone punches her. You know, she wasn't bugging me so much in the past couple of episodes, but she really makes up for lost time in this one.
The Prez is rather nervously chatting with the High Priestess of Vague Mysticism. The Prez mentions that she's taking chamalla to treat "a medical condition." I guess the HPVM can't really complain if other people are vague, too. The Prez says that she had dreams about Leoben before he was captured, and that "the images were..." The HPVM guesses, "Prescient?" The Prez adds that now she's seeing things even when she's awake, and describes her vision of snakes. The HPVM abruptly asks how many snakes there were, and the Prez, not thinking this is an odd question, answers, "About a dozen." The HPVM stands up and huffs, "You're kidding me, right? You read Pythia and now you're having me on." The Prez insists that she doesn't know who Pythia is. It turns out that Pythia was an oracle who wrote about the "exile and rebirth" of humanity 3,600 years ago. The HPVM quotes, "And the lords anointed a leader to guide the caravan of the heavens to their new homeland, and unto the leader they gave a vision of serpents, numbering two and ten, as a sign of things to come." I cannot believe that I'm doing yet another show with arcane prophecies. The HPVM adds that the leader "suffered a wasting disease and would not live to enter the new land." She turns to the Prez and says, "But you're not dying. Are you?" Wow, she's kind of brusque for a religious leader. The Prez employs one of her "fuck-you" smiles.
Hey, the Galactica has a war room. And it's got a big T-shaped table which I bet they use to play space-hockey. It's currently set up with a map of the Cylon base, and on the map are a bunch of little model Raiders and Vipers on plastic stands. I like all of this, because it's fun and reminds me of all the planning-for-battle scenes in movies like Cleopatra. In the podcast for this episode, Moore spends some time explaining that, on the one hand, you want to have some interesting battle tactics, but on the other hand, it's hard to convey anything too complicated given time and budget restrictions. And I agree with all of that, and I think this is a good way to compromise and establish what's happening in the battle. I am amused that I associate the idea with movies set in ancient Rome, and Moore references it as a technique used in World War II movies. My two complaints were both discussed in the forums, but firstly, they've got a 2D board representing 3D space. I don't need holographic CGI fanciness, and I understand that they want to keep it simple, but a second clear plexiglass level above the table would be enough to acknowledge that third axis. The even more trivial quibble is, who's making all the cute model ships? Because later we're going to see that they've even got models of the civilian freighters.
So anyway, it looks as if Apollo and Tigh are about done presenting their attack plan to Adama and Starbuck. Starbuck sniffs, "It's a textbook-perfect plan. Which is why it won't work." Tigh snarks about her experience, and asks her to remind him when she graduated from War College. Starbuck sips her coffee and asks, "What's the matter, Colonel? Married life not all you expected?" I like how, true to form, Tigh questioned Starbuck's experience, and she made fun of his personal life. Adama puts a stop to the bickering and explains, "I let Starbuck in here because she's not weighed down by conventional thinking. All due respect, gentlemen, we're not as crazy as she is." Eh. Adama asks Starbuck what she'd change about the plan. Starbuck say, "Jumping Galactica in behind the planetoid to hide it from the Cylon base is an obvious move." Apollo translates that to mean that the Cylons may have patrols in that area. Starbuck says, "I would." She says that they should incorporate the patrols into their strategy: "Make their tactics work for us." Apollo and Tigh trade a look, which I'll interpret as "We still hate her, but she has a point." Starbuck starts to outline her own plan.
Cut to some time later; now the Prez has joined in the strategising. Starbuck says that they want three freighters to use as decoys. The Prez observes that they'll have to find room for the freighter passengers on other ships in the fleet. Adama says that's why they want her approval. I'm surprised nobody suggests using the prison ship as a decoy. Starbuck says that the decoys will be at "extreme radar range" from the asteroid. Hey, they have radar, too. So dradis is something else. I guess when they say "dradis," they mean "scanners." The plan is that, when the freighters arrive, they'll broadcast a message indicating that they're a mining fleet unaware of the Cylons. The Cylons will send Raiders out to the freighters, leaving the base "relatively undefended." The Galactica will hide out among the asteroids, with some Raptors positioned to monitor the Cylons. Once the Raiders are out of the way, the Galactica's Vipers will zoom in and destroy the base, which will leave the Raiders without anyplace to rearm or refuel. Throughout all of this, they illustrate each step by sliding the model ships around on the game table. Starbuck concludes, once the base is destroyed, "We'll mop them up, and then we'll take the tylium." The Prez asks about the decoy ships. Apollo says that they'll be ready to go FTL as soon as they need to. , the Prez asks about casualties. Tigh grunts, "It'll cost us." The Prez's last question is, what will happen if the Cylons return with reinforcements? Adama figures that they'll have a little time before that happens. Then he claims that if you run and run from a schoolyard bully, he'll keep chasing you, but if you stop and punch him, he'll hesitate before he comes after you again. Er. Maybe. Sometimes if you punch a bully when he doesn't expect it, he gets crazy-paranoid and even more belligerent. On the other hand, once you've tried to exterminate an entire species, I'm not sure if you can really get more belligerent. Where was I? The Prez sums things up: "So it's either this, or run out of fuel and be annihilated." Adama says that sometimes you have to "roll the hard six." Oh, come on, you know they have eight-sided dice. The Prez agrees to give them the freighters, and wishes them good hunting. Adama says they'll start in forty-eight hours.
In yet another new room, Tigh and Starbuck show Baltar a blown-up image of the base. Tigh says that Baltar is their "Cylon expert," and asks how they can blow up the base without destroying all of the ore. Starbuck explains that a nuke would take out the base, and Baltar adds, "But the radiation would render the ore inert, unusable." He goes on with some technobabble, the point of which is that if they hit the processing plant in the right place, the tylium will explode in a "suitably devastating" chain reaction without any radioactive fallout. Baltar mostly talks directly to Starbuck, because he's still hoping to impress her, I guess. He finally tells her to blow up the staging tanks that hold "the refined tylium precursor." Baltar explains, "It's a lot more...unstable...than the fuel itself." He looks sort of amused and self-aware when he says "unstable," and I giggle. Starbuck asks where the staging tanks are. Baltar stares at her.
And then Baltar's lying on his back on a massage table, on the porch of his domicylon. Six is rubbing his arms as he says that he needs her advice. Six says she doesn't know anything about tylium refineries. Baltar says that he doesn't, either, but insists that Six must have some idea where they should bomb the base. Six rubs his chest and suggests that God knows which spot to bomb. Baltar sighs, "Oh. Good." He figures that God is unlikely to help, since he's the Cylon God. Six leans over Baltar and says, "God doesn't take sides. He only wants your love." Six, incidentally, is wearing another Star Trek-style dress made out of a wide scarf, and some amazing high heels. She tells Baltar that if he opens his heart, God will show him the way. Baltar kvetches, "Be a lot simpler if you came out and told me." Six moves up to stand behind Baltar's head, and urges him to surrender his ego. I don't know what would be left of him if he did that. Baltar goes on complaining, and Six tells him to relax his neck. Baltar nervously asks why, and says, "Please don't --" Then Six suddenly twists his head, cracking his neck. Not in the deadly way, though.
Back in the real world, Baltar rubs his neck as Starbuck asks again where the tanks are. Baltar looks disoriented, but eventually turns to look at the photo. He suddenly points at one spot and declares, "Right there," very firmly. He says, "Hit any one of them, and the place will go up like a three-kiloton bomb."
A few minutes later, Baltar strolls down a corridor before stopping for his mid-afternoon panic attack. Six rubs his shoulders and then turns him around to insist, "So forceful, so decisive. Delivered with such élan." Heh. Baltar almost sadly tells her that God didn't speak to him. "I was totally lying. I just picked that spot at random." Six insists that God doesn't always speak in words. Baltar quietly moans, "So the fate of the entire human race depends upon my wild guess?" Six smiles. And then Baltar's standing alone in the corridor, with his arms folded, as some passing soldiers stare at him. There was some debate as to why Baltar didn't just say, "I don't know." I think it's partly because Baltar's not so good at saying that, and also because he knows that this is the fleet's only hope of refueling. If he says that he doesn't know, the plan's fucked, and they're probably going to wind up trying to colonize a planet and dying shortly thereafter. And no, it's not a terribly sane decision, but that's Baltar for you, so it doesn't bug me too much.
And now we're in the gym. There's a gym! They're really breaking out the new sets this week. Adama enters and approaches Starbuck, who's exercising her injured leg on a weight machine. He asks how it's going. Starbuck insists that she'll be ready for the attack. Adama kicks in the, um, thingy that holds the weights up, and calmly says that Apollo's going to lead the attack, because Starbuck's grounded. In the sense that she can't fly, not in the sense that she's going to her room without any supper because of her lousy attitude. Although I'd support that, too. Starbuck whines that she's the bestest pilot in the whole wide world. Adama says, "Not right now." Heh. He says that her knee won't be able to take the G-force stress of combat flight. Starbuck nuh-uhs. Adama yuh-huhs. He slides more weights onto the bar, claiming that he's matching the amount of force it takes to operate the pedals on a Viper. Starbuck huffs and straightens her knee, lifting the weight. Adama adds even more weight as he narrates, "Now you're on your attack run. They've launched their missiles, so you gotta jam that pedal into the firewall and hold a 6 G turn for ten seconds, or you die." Starbuck's leg quivers, but she holds the weights up. Adama starts to count down from ten. Starbuck looks pissed, probably because she'd already been holding the full weight for several seconds before Adama started counting. When Adama gets to four, Starbuck's leg buckles. Adama says, "This was only three G's, Starbuck, not six." Oh. Okay, I guess cheating on the count doesn't matter then. Adama tells her that he's sorry, but that she's not going to be flying.
Starbuck and Apollo are going over the plan in front of the big photo of the Cylon base. Well, technically, Starbuck is lecturing Apollo on how to run the attack. Her advice (basically, "stay low") sounds perfectly reasonable, so it's not clear why Apollo suddenly sniffs, "You don't think I'm up to this." Starbuck says, "You'll be fine," in an impressively unconvincing way. Okay, now Apollo's snottiness seems justified. There's a long silence, which I like, because it magnifies the awkwardness. Finally Apollo says, "Look, you're worried that I'm not gonna pull it out of the fire with some high-risk, retina-detaching move, the way Starbuck would." He says he's sorry that she won't be there, and that everyone wishes she were going to be part of the attack force. Apollo concludes, "But this isn't an ego trip, this is my job. And don't think for one moment that I will not get it done." Starbuck says, "I hope so," which, jeez. She sneers, "We've got one shot. Don't frack it up by overthinking." I really don't think Apollo's likely to err in that direction.
Caprica. Day 37. It's pouring down rain, but the sun's shining brightly. Which happens sometimes, but it's fake here. Helo and Boomer are continuing their tour of every location in the greater Vancouver area. Helo mentions that the nice thing about the aftermath of a nuclear war is that nobody minds if you trespass. When you put it that way, it sounds so nice! He wonders why they haven't run into any other survivors. Boomer shrugs that they're probably all hiding in fallout shelters. Helo climbs a ladder up into the loft and says, "Two ways out, and a lovely view. What could be better?" They climb up, and Helo starts to unpack his goody bag while Boomer rests her forehead against a hay bale. Helo asks if she's hungry, and offers her some peanut butter. Boomer takes the jar and sniffs it. Helo continues,"Baked beans. Corn." He eats a spoonful of peanut butter and then offers Boomer some chili. Boomer promptly runs out of view of the camera and pukes. Because she's pregnant, presumably, although I would do the same thing if I smelled peanut butter and then smelled chili. I'm just a fussy eater. Helo looks strangely unconcerned about Boomer's nausea, although he does say, "A simple 'no' would do." He asks if she's been taking her anti-radiation meds. Boomer says that she was probably sick from the cold beans they ate for lunch, and says she's okay. Now I'm feeling queasy. Helo offers Boomer some water, and asks how far she thinks it is to Delphi. Boomer guesses they can be there in eight or ten days. Helo kisses her on the forehead and gives her a little sideways hug.
Flight deck. Apollo is sitting alone, staring at his Viper. Adama descends the stairs and asks, "Can't sleep?" Apollo snaps, "Oh, and I suppose Zak could sleep. Starbuck could sleep. You always hated me because of my not-sleeping! Why won't you stop comparing me to everyone else?" Okay, he doesn't, but he would have, except Adama adds that he couldn't ever sleep the night before a big operation. Apollo stares into space, trying to figure out how he can take offense at something. Adama makes another attempt at conversation, saying that the Mark Two Viper is a good ship. Another long pause. Maybe Apollo actually is asleep with his eyes open. Adama finally says he has something to give Apollo. He hands over a lighter and grunts, "Belonged to your grandfather. My mom bought it for him when he was in law school." Adama points out that "Joseph Adama" is engraved on it. Apollo finally speaks, but only to say that he can barely make out the writing. Which, I swear, is perfectly clear. I'm sure it's an inserted shot and that Apollo wasn't looking at the prop we see in close-up. Either that or they're setting up a subplot about how Adama is an amazing pilot considering that he's blind. Adama mutters, "He was a better father than I was." Apollo kind of nods uncomfortably. Adama says that his father never lost a case when he had the lighter with him. Apollo smirks, smacks the lighter against his leg, and sniffs, "So, you're worried too." Jesus, it's hard to have a conversation with Apollo. He sort of turns away from Adama, who asks what Apollo's talking about. Apollo mopes, "Sometimes it feels like the whole ship thinks Starbuck would do better." If by "better" you mean "without demanding affirmation every two minutes," then I have to agree. Adama says that he doesn't think Starbuck would do a better job, and Apollo makes his Muppet-face as he asks, "How can you be so sure?" See, was that so damn hard? If you want someone to reassure you, that's fine, but just say so. Adama says, "'Cause you're my son." That's a weird answer. But I guess it's what Apollo wanted to hear, since he finally turns and looks at Adama. Adama tells him to get some rest, and starts back upstairs. Apollo calls after him, "I'll bring it back," and waggles the lighter meaningfully. Adama very seriously replies, "You better, or I'll kick your ass. It's a good lighter." Hee. It's an easy joke, but the nice thing about his delivery is, I think he really means that.
Commercials. Moore says they called this the "Big Mac" episode, because it was fun and had combat and was kind of traditional sci-fi adventure. He also says that he thought of the show as primarily a drama, and secondarily science fiction. Which I think is wise, because the problem I have with a lot of sci-fi is that it's only aimed at sci-fi fans.
Caprica. Still raining, and still sunny. I wonder why they wanted it be raining. Originally I thought the rain might be hiding something in the background that doesn't look sufficiently apocalyptic, but we don't really see any landscapes. Maybe it's just maintaining the post-apocalyptic nuclear rain. Boomer rolls over in her sleep, and accidentally smacks her hand into Helo's face. Heh. Helo wakes up and then hears a distant clanking. He wakes Boomer up and scrambles over to the window. Helo scans the road through a pair of binoculars and sees...Six, striding along the road in her lab coat. With her impeccable and clearly dry hair. Helo gasps, "You killed her!" Boomer yanks the binoculars away and uses them to look at the army of robots trailing Six. She switches into panic mode and rushes to pack up their stuff. Helo stammers, "Wait a minute -- I saw her on my lap. I saw her blood spill on my lap!" Boomer's got no time for exposition. She orders Helo to get a move on, and they jump out of the loft and start running. As they race out of the barn, Helo asks, "What the hell is going on?" Hee. I think that I like Helo because he's so very screwed. Boomer says that they'll figure it out later.
The Galactica pops out in the middle of the asteroid field. Huh. I don't know what's more surprising: the fact that they can jump into a space that's probably got at least one hunk of rock in it, or the fact that there hasn't been a long discussion about that fact in the forums.
In the game room, Gaeta says, "Dradis reports nothing but hash, just as we expected. Can't see a thing. Good thing we've got all these models so we can create our own play-by-play simulation." The camera swings around to show Adama, the Prez, and Baltar standing around the gaming table to perform the thankless task of listening to battle reports from the field. The pilots of the decoy freighters broadcast their "Ain't nobody here but us miners, Bre'r Cylon" messages. The model ships are put in place on the board. Adama tells the Prez that now they're just waiting for the Cylons to locate the decoys. He says, "If they take the bait, all hell breaks loose." The Prez asks "Until then?" which is odd, because the natural question to ask there is, "What if they don't?" I'm just saying. Anyway, Adama sniffs, "We wait."
Cue the waiting montage. Tyrol works on an engine. Or whatever that is. Cally chews gum.
Back to the game room. Okay, that wasn't much of a montage, actually. In the back of the game room are a couple of rows of people at long tables looking at monitors. It looks like they're conducting a pledge drive back there. Or telemarketing.
Boomer reports that over ninety Cylon Raiders are headed for the decoys. Pretty ships purr into space.
Adama tells Gaeta to launch Strike Force One. Gaeta tells Dualla to launch the fighters. Dualla tells the fighters to go launch themselves. Well, essentially.
On the flight deck, people rush around as the pilots hop into their Vipers. One of them has dark hair, but if you think he's Apollo, you've been tricked. They're sneaky on this show.
Starbuck hurries into the game room and asks, "How hard did they bite?" Adama tells her that over ninety Raiders were reported. He says, "They've launched most of their fighter force." I'm not sure what he's basing that on. Baltar frets.
Vipers are launched. Bwee--whoosh!
Starbuck mutters, "I just hope that Lee can..." and then she makes a skeptical face. Adama quietly tells her that Apollo isn't the problem: "You should take a good look at yourself. I had to go through the same transition. When you're in the cockpit, you're in control. It's hard to give it up." Starbuck makes another face and says that it would be easier if she were with the fighters. Adama says, "All you can do now is wait, and hope you didn't make any mistakes. Because if you kill my other son, I'm gonna break your other leg." I made a little of that up. Starbuck whines that she didn't ask for this responsibility. Adama calmly says that the Cylons didn't ask them what they wanted. Just punch her, Adama. Please? He adds, "Welcome to the big leagues." Baltar covers his eyes with a shaking hand for a moment, and then fidgets. The Prez waits stoically.
Crashdown reports that over fifty more Raiders have been launched from the base. Baltar hops up and asks what that means. Starbuck explains that the Cylons spotted the approaching Vipers, and sent out more fighters to deal with them. Baltar gulps that they're outnumbered five to one. The Prez quietly asks, "Weren't the decoys supposed to take care of that?" Adama says that the Cylons were too smart to fall for their trick. Starbuck grunts, "Frack." And yeah, it's misleading, but I think that the writers are playing fair, and that she's upset that the Cylons kept so many Raiders in reserve.
In CIC, Dualla reports that the Raiders should meet the Vipers in two minutes. Tigh looks at the monitors with a hangdog expression. Aw.
Now we'll have some fun! The Vipers run into the Raiders. Hotdog and some other nuggets start firing and spewing a lot of fighter talk. Hotdog turns his Viper hard to the right, and leans hard to the left, which...he shouldn't need to do that, right? Maybe he's full of helium. Pitu-pitu-pitu, a Viper zooms past the camera. A Raider gets hit a few times but keeps on coming. One of the nuggets is hit; a shower of sparks come off the Viper and the pilot screams, "I'm hit! Can't eject!"
In the game room, Starbuck holds her head. Baltar closes his eyes.
A Viper spins around like a Tilt-A-Whirl car in the Raider fire as the pilot shouts, "No joy!" No doubt. Then it's hit again, and kablooey. Another Raider zips through the explosion as the pilot's scream is cut off.
Everyone stands frozen around the game table. Hotdog calls in to say, "Heavily engaged! Mission outcome doubtful." Baltar observes, "This sounds fracking awful." The pilots continue to shout at each other as Starbuck moans that they're being cut to pieces. We hear a pilot bellowing angrily as another shouts, "Move, move!" Adama stares stoically at the board.
Commercials. Poor Moore is still defending himself against the angry fans of the original show. Dude, don't bother.
The Vipers are still in trouble when we return. Adama crosses the room and tells Gaeta to abort the attack.
The Vipers turn back toward the asteroid field and the Galactica. And then another Raptor calls in: "Cylon strike force is turning away from beacon and inbound to Galactica."
Sure enough, we see the Raiders flip over elegantly and turn away from the decoy freighters in the background.
Baltar bustles down to stand to the game table, so that he can panic without missing anything. The Prez guesses that the Cylons heard the recall order. Baltar asks if the first wave of ninety-odd Raiders is now headed straight for them. Adama says, "That's exactly what it means." Baltar stares at Adama in a way that makes me giggle. They use the model ships to remind us that there's now one small group of Vipers and two very large groups of Raiders all headed for the Galactica. Starbuck allows one corner of her mouth to turn upward a tiny bit. Baltar asks if they're going to launch their reserve fighters to defend the ship. Adama calmly says, "There are no reserve Vipers. Everything is on the board already." Well, sort of, Sneaky McLiarson. Baltar somehow resists the desire to burst into angry tears. Adama says, "Starbuck, it's your plan." Starbuck, looking slightly exultant, crosses the room and quietly asks Gaeta to tell Dualla to send a scrambled message to Apollo saying, "The back door is open." Eek. That gave me a Carnivàle flashback, and in a very bad way.
One of the decoy freighters goes "boom" in a non-exploding way. Moore mentions that this is the Colonial Movers ship from the original show. A cargo container drops off the ship, revealing twelve little Vipers in a neat row. Inside one of them is Apollo, who gives a thumbs-up to the other pilots. The ships drop off the freighter and zoom away.
Another set of Vipers is put on the game board, aimed at the Cylon base, so that the people in the game room can become aware of the ruse without having to waste a lot of time on expository dialogue. I'm telling you, the models are a pretty clever device. Starbuck chews on her thumb as the Prez asks, "Why didn't you tell me we had another attack force hidden in the freighters?" Adama explains, "I routinely restrict tactical details to those who need to know. Old habits die hard." The Prez allows herself a tiny smile and asks if there's still a chance to pull this off. Baltar looks up almost happily. At least, until Adama says that it all depends on Baltar's targeting information. Starbuck notes that there is also the small problem of the many, many Raiders headed straight for them. Adama casually says, "Speaking of which, I'm needed in CIC." Exit Adama.
Whee! Vipers skim over the surface of the asteroid, toward the Cylon base. Along with Apollo are some more nuggets, and...well, some other people I have even less chance of recognizing.
In the game room, Starbuck mutters, "Come on, Lee, it's all on you." Oh, for Christ's sake: shut up, Starbuck. And get out of the way of my cool FX shots.
The Vipers curve around some mountainy bits and swish past a sneaky little Cylon outpost that immediately launches whizzy missiles at them. The Vipers drop some bombs, which hit the ground and go whoof, and a few of the missiles follow them and explode against the ground. The Vipers slow suddenly, and the missiles pass them. Well, except for that one on the right, which hits a Viper. Kaboom!
Kat, another one of the nuggets, looks through her windshield and sees the base, and also a whole mess of stuff being shot into the air. Well, not "air." You know what I mean. She launches her missiles and they swerve out up and out, away from the base. I think the Cylons have flak guns. "What's got into these frackin' missiles?" she moans.
Starbuck complains,"Come on." Honestly, there's a huge opportunity for someone here to become my favorite with one simple punch. Anyone. Even Boomer. Hello?
The pilots guess that the Cylons are jamming the guidance systems on the missiles. Apollo tells them, "Then we get close enough that we don't need the guidance systems. We have to blow this thing manually." Chuckles prepares to attack the base. And then there's a whir and a smash and a hole in his cockpit's windshield. Another pilot shouts, "Chuckles! Chuckles!" which for some reason I find funny. Chuckles is too busy to respond, since the shot that went through his windshield also went through him. He says, "Oh, frack," and dies. Hee. The other pilot starts to tell everyone that Chuckles is a goner, and then her cockpit suddenly explodes around her. I liked that, because I didn't expect it at all.
Starbuck squeezes the bridge of her nose. But at least she's staying quiet. Over the radio, someone says, "They've got our attack axis zeroed in. There's no way to fracking get close." Starbuck thinks there has to be a way. Apollo orders the remaining pilots to get down, out of the flak. He says, "Let's get down below the deck, down where the target is." Baltar listens tensely.
The Cylons send up some more flak, and the camera pulls back to show us that the base is on a sort of plateau. Then the camera pans over and zooms in on an extension of the base built into the side of the plateau. Apollo says, "I've got an idea. I'm gonna take a closer look." Apollo's Viper swooshes over away from the base, dodging fire, and then accelerates away and spins around to face the base again. He zooms down into a valley.
Adama arrives at CIC. Tigh announces, "The first wave of Cylons will be on us in three minutes." Adama tells Dualla to tell the Strike One team, "They can stop running and blast those bastards to hell." Dualla does.
A Raider zooms toward the camera, chased by two Vipers. Hotdog fires, and the Raider goes all splodey.
Apollo zips along at the bottom of a ravine. At the end of the ravine is the extension of the base we saw before. Apollo mutters, "Oh, no, don't do this, Lee..." I begin to understand why nobody finds Baltar all that odd. Apollo tells the others, "The conveyor tunnel's clear, I'm going through it." The chick tells him that he's out of his fracking mind.
CIC. Tigh looks concerned. He doesn't say, "It's crazy...but it just might work." Neither does Adama.
Game room. Starbuck and Gaeta are staring at the blown-up photo of the base (as opposed to the photo of the blown-up base, which is what they'd like to be staring at). The Prez strolls up and asks what's going on. She doesn't say it as casually as I made that sound, but wouldn't it be funny if she did? "Hey gang, what's up?" Gaeta points to the photo and explains that Apollo is flying through the conveyer belt tunnel in the hopes that it leads to the refinery. Baltar asks, "Has he gone raving mad? Because then he could be my BFF!" Er, and he also says that there's no guarantee that the tunnel goes to the refinery.
This is pretty awesome, is what this is. Missiles fly over the base, and then we pan down to the tunnel entrance, which is a big metal scary fortress-looking thing with gears turning below it, and the obligatory red glowing lights. Apollo's Viper pops up to the tunnel and enters. And then it's kind of like Star Wars, but I'm gonna repeat what I said in the recaplet about how strongly it reminds me of Star Fox. The Viper accelerates and decelerates as it goes through this narrow metal tunnel, and there are bits sticking out that Apollo has to dodge, and yowza. Apollo's in the middle of reassuring himself when he gasps, "Oh, Lords." The end of the tunnel is in sight. And it's basically a ninety-degree turn straight up. Apollo slows down abruptly, and then tilts the Viper up and pops out into the middle of the Cylon base. Moore is very happy about the fact that the Viper moves like a spaceship, not an airplane, and he should be. That was fun. Do it again, do it again! But instead, Apollo's Viper slows till it's almost hovering among the buildings or whatever they are.
Game room. Apollo calls in: "Okay, I'm through the tunnel. They can't get firing solution on me." Starbuck looks relieved, and Baltar looks amazed.
Apollo slowly turns his ship as he looks around the base. "There you are," he says, as he spots a cluster of angular buildings on the edge of the base. He mutters, "I've got you, I've got you," only a few more times. Then he turns his Viper straight up and wooshes over the buildings to him, and flattens out and drops his bombs. They fall neatly into the target.
We cut in between Apollo zipping away from the asteroid and everyone aboard the Galactica waiting tensely. Adama turns to look over his shoulder at the base. Still waiting, and...whammo! The building explodes, and then other parts of the base start turning into fireballs. Apollo's Viper shakes, which...it seems like he's too far away. But fine. Apollo chuckles with relief, or perhaps as a tribute to his fallen comrade. But it's almost certainly the first thing.
Game room. Apollo calls in and says, "Mission accomplished." And then they do that thing where everyone whoops and applauds and cheers and screams. I don't know. It's too sports-movie. And it seems like the show is telling me, "Look how happy you should be about this triumph!" which immediately stops me from feeling very happy about their triumph. Moore thinks this part works, but I have to disagree this time. Sorry. I do like Baltar's reaction, of course. He covers his hand with his mouth and looks like he's just about to start giggling. Apollo adds, "You can tell Dr. Baltar he was right on the money. It was one hell of a fireworks show." Everyone's still whooping it up as Apollo adds that there's plenty of tylium in the canyon.
In CIC, Tigh and Adama shake hands. See, that's the kind of celebrating I like.
Game room. Gaeta congratulates Baltar and embraces him enthusiastically. Hee. Baltar repeats, "It did! It worked." Starbuck claps gleefully and then gives the Prez a big hug, much to the Prez's surprise. Starbuck releases the Prez and apologizes, but can't stop grinning. Or laughing. The Prez says, "No need to apologize, Lieutenant. Thanks to you, we have enough fuel to last us a few years." Heh. I like that they're stressing how much tylium there is, so that they don't have to do this story again in a few seasons. Although really, since it took them ten episodes to cover a month, I don't know if they really need to guarantee that they've got enough to last years. After a second, the Prez leans over and hugs Starbuck again. No, Prez, resist their touchy-feely ways!
CIC. Dualla tells Adama, "Strike one reports inbound Cylons are bugging out. Request permission to go after them, sir." Adama gives the okay for them to "pursue and destroy." Dualla simplifies this to "Tear 'em up." Huh. Isn't it at least a small problem that they've now got less than twenty Vipers up against about a hundred Raiders? If it was this easy to take the Raiders out, they didn't really need to do all the sneaky stuff in the first place.
Flight deck. The Celtic theme that's been tweedling in the background becomes louder, and now there are singers, too. Which would be okay if I didn't have the sneaking suspicion that this was a translation of the "Jubjub" song. Apollo climbs out of his Viper as Starbuck strolls out and calls him a "magnificent bastard." Well, that's always fun to say. She holds up a bottle of space-pagne as she says, "That was one hell of a piece of flying and I couldn't have done it better myself." Cally has also rushed up to meet Apollo, and she actually has a bottle of space-pagne for him. Which I find interesting. Apollo simultaneously hugs Cally, grabs the bottle, and tells Starbuck to repeat what she just said. An ignored Cally wanders off, and somehow resists the urge to kick Starbuck's cane out from under her on the way. Starbuck obligingly compliments Apollo again, and Apollo thanks her and clinks his bottle against hers. Starbuck admits that she had some doubts. Apollo says that he did, too, and adds, " I wasn't sure that crazy-ass plan of yours could even possibly work." He shakes up his space-pagne and sprays it around. Starbuck hands him a cigar, saying that he deserves it. It'd be fun if that was the cigar that Adama gave Starbuck, and then if Apollo saved it and gave it to someone else. And the whole show became the story of this cigar getting passed around. But alas, it is not to be, since Apollo immediately bites the end off and spits it out.
Boomer and Crashdown stroll in, and a shapely young lady shouts, "Crash!" and rushes over to embrace him. He makes a "What can you do?" gesture at Boomer.
Apollo lights his cigar while Starbuck giggles about something. Adama suddenly appears in the background. Apollo holds the lighter for a minute and then tosses it over to Adama. Adama does one chest-level fist-pump and smiles a tiny bit. See, that's how you celebrate.
Domicylon. Baltar's sitting on a beach chair on the patio. Six asks if he's read the Pythian prophecy. Baltar says, "Not since the sixth grade. I can't say ancient history is my favorite subject." Six says he should have paid more attention. She plays with his hair and recites, "All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again." Moore says that he thinks this line comes from the Disney Peter Pan. Baltar sighs that everyone knows that verse, and asks what the point is. Six moves around to kneel in front of him and asks if he remembers another verse: "Led by serpents numbering two and ten." Baltar quickly says that the serpents are the twelve Vipers. Six continues her catechism: "Though the outcome favored the few, it led to a confrontation at the home of the gods." Baltar asks if God made him point to the target "for some arcane scriptural purpose?" Well, no, because the prophecy is just describing...oh, I'm not having this argument again. Never mind. Six tells Baltar that he's part of God's plan. Baltar asks if God wanted him to destroy the base. Six coos, "You did well. You gave yourself over to Him." She strokes the side of his face. Baltar ponders and finally says, "I suppose I did." He sits up and declares that there's no other logical explanation for what happened. See, I'm still partial to the idea that Six really is just Baltar's subconscious personified. I find it a lot more amusing if he's talking himself into believing in God than if there's a "real" Six who's manipulating him. Anyway. Baltar stands up saying, "I was --" Six quickly corrects him: "Am." Baltar steps over to the balcony railing and leans back against it. He's wearing a robe, and rests his arms on the railing with his palms out. Heh. He says, "I am an instrument of God," in a nicely matter-of-fact way. Six smiles.
time: Zarek may ascend. Now, come on! Oh, to the Presidency. Okay.
Production card: A light bulb goes off over Moore's head. Eick waves a paper in Moore's face. Paper cuts appear on Moore, and blood runs down his face as he says, "Ow."