By Strega
Previously: Six (correctly) distrusted Boomer, Tigh burned a photo of his wife, and Leoben planted some doubt.
CIC. Shiny monitors descend from the ceiling. I'd never noticed this before, but it looks kind of like someone turned the Tardis controls upside down and glued them to the ceiling. The Prez strolls around the upper catwalk that I also hadn't ever noticed before. Did they revamp the set since the last episode? She stares down at Adama. Gaeta hands Adama a report from Baltar, and tells him that the Prez is waiting "up in the core." I guess they call it "the core" because of the way it goes around the outer edge of the room. Adama turns to look up at the Prez, who gives him a friendly "I absolutely don't think you might be a Cylon!" wave. Adama salutes her with his file folder and heads up to chat with her.
Upstairs, Adama shoos the extras away before telling the Prez, "We are the proud owners of the universe's first bona fide Cylon detector." The Prez says that's great, and Adama grunts, "Yeah," without much enthusiasm. He tells her about the down side: "He can only do one person at a time, and verification takes hours." Mugga says, "Wouldn't it be great if Baltar's Cylon detector turned out to be dinner for two followed by some energetic sack-time? And -- given that this would mean the 'detector' was, in essence, his willy -- I'd have been similarly enchanted by the scene in which he ceremoniously unveiled it to Prez." The Prez asks who'll go first. Adama looks at her blankly, and then says, "Oh, the tests, right." He suggests that people in sensitive positions should be tested first. The Prez supports that idea, and proposes that Adama should start things off. Adama blinks, and the Prez explains, "If you're a Cylon, I'd like to know." Adama chuckles, "If I'm a Cylon, you're really screwed." Heh. The Prez giggles appreciatively, and then says she thinks it would help to build trust if everyone knew that the leaders of the fleet were tested first. Adama says that, in that case, maybe the Prez should go first. The Prez stares at him and forces a smile, and then Adama agrees to to get tested. I'll just mention right here that I think comedic episodes are really hard to recap because you're either saying "That joke wasn't funny," or you're repeating the show's joke and giggling. This week I will be doing a bit of both. So there.
Vipers zip around the fleet and pass the Galactica's nose. Which is apparently where the observation deck has been converted into a lounge or something. Couples sit on rows of squishy couches and peer through telescopes. Billy and Dualla are perched on the window ledge. After reminding us of who they are, they move to a seat on the couches. Someone announces that the couples have two minutes left on the observation deck. Billy and Dualla engage in some "Whose boss has more pull" banter and smooch for a while. The Billy super-subtly turns the subject to Adama. Dualla mentions that Adama seems distracted lately, and has been making secret calls from his quarters. Billy asks if this just started recently. Dualla says it's only been happening for a few days, and then looks at Billy and sits up. Looking somewhat amused, she demands, "Billy Keikeyam, are you pumping me for information about the old man?" Holy cats, that's a heck of a last name. The door to the deck opens, and a soldier announces, "Time's up!" Outside the door we see a line of people waiting their turn to, um, "observe," if you know what I mean, and I think you do. As the couples disentangle themselves and start to file out, Dualla accuses Billy of being a spy. She still looks amused by it, though. Which is sort of refreshing, but also a little odd. It may be that Dualla figures that if Billy were a Cylon, he'd be a bit better at lying, because his denials aren't very convincing. Dualla finally says she hopes Billy liked the answers he got. She kisses him a few more times as she adds, "'Cause they're the last ones you're gonna get for a while." Then she gets up and follows the crowd out.
Vipers zip around the fleet and pass the Galactica's nose. Which is apparently where the observation deck has been converted into a lounge or something. Couples sit on rows of squishy couches and peer through telescopes. Billy and Dualla are perched on the window ledge. After reminding us of who they are, they move to a seat on the couches. Someone announces that the couples have two minutes left on the observation deck. Billy and Dualla engage in some "Whose boss has more pull" banter and smooch for a while. The Billy super-subtly turns the subject to Adama. Dualla mentions that Adama seems distracted lately, and has been making secret calls from his quarters. Billy asks if this just started recently. Dualla says it's only been happening for a few days, and then looks at Billy and sits up. Looking somewhat amused, she demands, "Billy Keikeyam, are you pumping me for information about the old man?" Holy cats, that's a heck of a last name. The door to the deck opens, and a soldier announces, "Time's up!" Outside the door we see a line of people waiting their turn to, um, "observe," if you know what I mean, and I think you do. As the couples disentangle themselves and start to file out, Dualla accuses Billy of being a spy. She still looks amused by it, though. Which is sort of refreshing, but also a little odd. It may be that Dualla figures that if Billy were a Cylon, he'd be a bit better at lying, because his denials aren't very convincing. Dualla finally says she hopes Billy liked the answers he got. She kisses him a few more times as she adds, "'Cause they're the last ones you're gonna get for a while." Then she gets up and follows the crowd out.
A little later, the Prez asks Billy what he learned. Billy reports that Dualla thinks Adama's been acting strange. The Prez frets, "I could see that myself. He was distracted and unfocused." Billy mentions the secret calls, but insists that this could all be perfectly innocent. He argues, "I cannot believe that we're actually entertaining the idea that Commander Adama has been somehow replaced by a Cylon duplicate." The Prez lowers her head for a moment and then moans, " Oh, my gods, Billy, I hope you're right. But thanks for stating the episode's premise so clearly!"
We cut to Adama, glowering in his quarters. I fully expected that we were going to see Dualla report to Adama and say that the Prez is acting suspiciously by trying to collect information about him. I mean, if you're going to go paranoid, go all the way. Maybe they didn't have time.
Credits. Just so you know, I wrote the full recap before I listened to Moore's commentary podcast, and now I'm going back through to add any, uh, commentary-commentary that I have. Moore isn't saying anything about Dualla being a spy for Adama. Poop.
Before we return to the show, we're informed that "the following segment includes content which may be inappropriate for younger viewers." Cool! Baltar stares into the camera (knock it off!) and asks, "Is suicide really a sin?" Six says that it is, but insists that whatever Baltar's facing can't be that bad. Baltar expositions that he has 47,905 blood samples to run the test on, and that each test takes eleven hours. Before I get a lot of email about this: yes, it didn't take eleven hours last week. It may have taken six or seven, though, because a lot of time passes between the scene where Baltar agrees to test Boomer and the scene where he gives her the results. And it was a beta test. That's all the help I can offer. Six helpfully calculates that testing everyone in the fleet will take "60.1534 years." Baltar rounds it up to sixty-one years, allowing for occasional naps. Throughout this, the camera gradually pulls back to reveal that most of the available surfaces are covered with racks and racks of blood samples. Wow, that's just vile. See, because...never mind.
As Baltar drops his head onto the table, Six purrs, "Oh, it's hard being a genius." She suggests that there should be some perks. Baltar agrees, and then looks over to where Six, presumably is. In the loose sense of "is." he smirks and tosses his clipboard away as the camera sinks under the table for a knee-high view of the ensuing action. Baltar bops around the room, and Six lowers her legs from where she was presumably perched on the table. Baltar unzips his pants and lowers them, and then Six moans as the hem of her red dress is lifted up and out of the way. The camera moves up past the table again, to show Baltar, hunched over and panting as he, er, thrusts into the empty air. Then the door opens, and Starbuck enters as Baltar is sort of gasping laughingly. Or laughing gaspily. Starbuck says, "What's up, Doc?" Baltar stops, opens his eyes, and then turns his head to look at Starbuck. He casually explains that he's "keeping up with the old exercises." He does a few knee-bends and then turns his back as he pulls his pants up. While dressing, he asks, "What brings you to the lab at this time of the night?" Starbuck says it's mid-afternoon. Baltar, still with his back turned, chirps, "Yeah, course it is; crazy workload." He finally turns around and asks what he can do for Starbuck. Starbuck, looking faintly disgusted, says, "You can zip up your fly." A reverse shot reveals a bit of Baltar's shirt poking through his fly. Baltar pokes the shirt back into place and zips up. Starbuck says, "My blood test," and gestures vaguely. Six says, "You're right about one thing, Gaius." We now see Six in front of Baltar, leaning over onto the table with her dress hiked up over her hips in a way that, apparently, could alarm small children. Six confesses to finding Starbuck intriguing. Baltar says, "Very." And then, to Starbuck, he adds, "Good. Very good." Starbuck shuts her eyes and shakes her head a tiny bit.
Tigh sits in his quarters with a cup in front of him, along with the last of his...I don't know, whiskey? He opens the bottles and pours in a close-up, and then we see that he's actually pouring it into the garbage can. He grumbles, "Well, at least I did that much." Tigh takes out the crumpled photo of his wife, with a hole where her face should be. He re-crumples it and tosses that into the trash can, too.
CIC. Someone's playing Space Invaders! Cool. Oh, that's the radar screen. Gaeta spots an enemy fighter approaching. Dualla passes along the news to Apollo.
Apollo and another fighter go pow-pow-pow. Apollo reports, "Jumped right in front of us -- his mistake!"
Tigh hurries onto CIC, asking how many Cylons there are. Gaeta says there's just one Raider: "Looks like a recon patrol." Gaeta adds that Apollo and Beehive are on the case. "Beehive" seems like another unfortunate callsign. Tigh asks where Adama is, and Dualla reports, "He left in a raptor about an hour ago, no flight plan."
Apollo and Beehive go zoom-zoom, pitu-pitu-pitee. A volley of shots catches the Raider, and the wings are briefly coated with pretty, pretty flames. Apollo reports that he hit the Raider's weapons. The Raider turns and then winks out. Apollo reports that the Raider jumped FTL before he could finish the job.
Tigh grumbles to himself, "He's probably giving away our position to every Cylon base ship right now. Where the hell is the Old Man?" He more loudly orders the fleet to follow emergency jump procedures, adding, "Everyone rendezvous at the standby coordinates." Gaeta gets his turn of staring at the camera lens as he reports that another Raider is approaching. Apollo calls in and says that it's the same Raider he hit a minute ago. He reports, "It's behaving erratically." The Raider says, "Whirrrrr-pop," and vanishes again. Gaeta watches his radar screen as the Raider winks in and out at different locations. Tigh says, "Wounded bird can't fly home." Aw. Apollo says that it'll take them a couple of minutes to get within firing range of the Raider. Tigh says, "No! This is our perfect chance to get some intel." He orders Apollo to stick close to the Raider without firing on it, and sends a Raptor out to join them. Tigh says, "As long as that thing's flopping around out there, tell them I want to suck in every electronic signal it makes." Dualla says that Adama's Raptor is requesting permission to land. Tigh lowers the alert level and puts Gaeta in charge while he goes to meet Adama.
Flight deck. This is an impressive shot. I mean, I'm impressed by the set designers, because nothing super-complicated is happening, really, but yowie, nerdvana. The Raptor is tugged toward the camera, presumably into its parking place, or whatever. I bet it'd be fun to play bumper cars with those things. We can see Adama through the windshield as the camera swoops along the ship's side. The hatch opens, and we get a glimpse of a woman's leg, poking out from behind a bulkhead. The camera swings around into the Raptor, and there are monitors displaying practical readouts and that's just cool. There's a whole ship! It's not just two walls that they pop in behind people; there's a whole 3D ship! Sorry, but I think that's cool. Adama raises a part of the controls so that he can get out of his seat and climbs out of the Raptor. He stands in the hatch and says, "Permission to come aboard, sir." The camera pulls back to reveal Tigh, who says, "Granted. Mind telling me where the hell you've been?" And the shot finally ends as Adama says, "Colonel Tigh, allow me to present your wife." Tigh boggles as Adama reveals the owner of the shapely leg we glimpsed. It's...a California blonde! Tigh gasps, "Ellen!" She smiles tightly.
Commercials. It's really odd to hear Moore refer to Edward James Olmos as "Eddie." He seems more like an "Ed."
Caprica. Day 28. Shiny Cylon ships fly over head, and shiny Cylon robots run along the street. Clomp, clomp, clomp. We pan over to a manhole cover.
Helo and Boomer jog through some...sewer tunnels? They're square, though. Maybe they have square tunnels on Caprica, since they all love angles so much. "Pant, pant, pant," they say. Helo complains, " I don't get it. I've blown away Centurions before, and they've never sent an entire army after me." Ha! I missed that line the first time. Hee. Boomer says, "They're after me." When Helo asks why, she says that she "overheard some things" while she was a prisoner. Such as? "Plans, deployments. A big Cylon base at Delphi. A major hub." Helo is pretty upset at the news about Dephi. Boomer says, "It's the best place to try to grab a ship and try to get off this fracking planet!" Helo replies, "Pant, pant, pant."
Lab. Baltar answers his phone, "Doctor Gaius Baltar, department of Cylon detection. How may I direct your call?" After a beat, the Prez replies, "You're in a good mood." We now see that Baltar is smoking a cigarette of some kind, which might explain a few things. Baltar apologizes and claims that he was expecting a call from someone else. Oookay. Who? Maybe Starbuck, I guess. The Prez says that she'd like Baltar to notify her the minute he has the results of Adama's Cylonitude test. Baltar nervously mentions that Adama ordered his test canceled. He explains that Adama said another test had priority. The Prez asks who's. Baltar pulls out a vial and reads the name "Ellen" off the label, and asks if there's a problem. The Prez uses her Extra-Serious voice to say, "I would like you to resume testing Commander Adama's blood sample immediately. Thank you."
Tigh's quarters. Ellen disengages from a massive hug as Tigh gasps, "I can't believe you're alive." Ellen expositions that she doesn't actually remember most of what happened to her since the attack. Tigh asks if she's been on the Rising Star all this time, because he's not too clear on what "I don't remember" means. Ellen shares her story: she was at the airport on Picon when they heard about the attack, and that's pretty much the last thing she remembers. She says that she woke up a few days ago: "I was knocked out when the Cylons attacked the airport and someone just picked me up, and put me on the last flight out. Some savior, I don't even know who." She sniffles. Tigh assures her that everything's okay now.
The Cylon Raider zooms along. Pretty. A Viper coasts along near it.
CIC. Starbuck tells Adama and Tyrol that the Raider is a "treasure chest." Yarrr! She figures that studying the Raider as it hops around will help them to figure out how to operate the FTL drive on the captured Raider. Tyrol says, "But the question remains, what's it doing out there in the first place, and how long can they keep it up?" Adama tells them to let him know as soon as they've gotten the data they need. Apollo pops around a corner and asks Adama what's up. Adama dismisses Starbuck and Tyrol and asks Apollo, "Do you have dinner plans?" Apollo boggles at getting a dinner invitation. Adama, already weary of his passive-aggressive kid, tells Apollo to come along.
Ellen and Tigh go on reuniting. Ellen apologizes, "The things I said before, the things I did --" Actually, I assume she's apologizing. Maybe the rest of the sentence is, "I'm glad, glad I tell you! Mwa ha ha!" Tigh says that it's all in the past, and Ellen agrees that they can start over. They kiss as something buzzes nearby. Not like that! Argh. It's a phone, actually. Tigh tells his wife that he's still on duty, and answers. He says, "Now? Understood. All right, tell her I'm on my way." Ellen rather harshly asks, "Girlfriend?" Tigh chuckles that it's business, and apologizes for being unable to explain further while Ellen acts put-upon. He promises to hurry back, and Ellen smiles, "I'll be here, waiting," as she reaches out to squeeze his...jacket. Why do I think that might have originally been shot with her squeezing him about six inches lower? Sorry, but it really looked odd.
Colonial One. Tigh tells the Prez, "You wanna be very, very careful with what you just said." He says that he owes his life to Adama, and condescendingly adds, "This has been a difficult transition for you." Which, if I were the Prez, would make me crazy, but it turns out that I love Tigh even more than I love the adorable Mary McDonnell. As Billy lurks nervously in the background, the Prez says that she understands this is hard for Tigh. She goes from sympathetic to to steely as she adds, "But I would advise you right now not to say anything that you will regret." Tigh takes a deep breath and sits down as the Prez asks whether Adama has been behaving suspiciously. Tigh instantly says that he hasn't. The Prez asks why Adama disappeared just as the Raider turned up. Tigh gloatingly explains, "He was picking up my wife." The Prez hits a mental speed bump and listens as Tigh explains about Ellen's miraculous reappearance. I kind of love how Tigh is completely unaware of how fishy this sounds. Who am I kidding? I just love Tigh, always. The Prez offers rather stilted congratulations on Tigh's good fortune, and Tigh says, "When Ellen stepped off that shuttle, I thought I was going to pass out." I have a slight problem with this just because I don't quite believe Tigh would say he was emotionally moved by anything, ever. But I think that might be my own reading of him rather than anything he's done. Anyway. The Prez is all, "Ellen -- aha!" and tells Tigh that she'd love to meet his wife.
Lab. Baltar's on the phone. He says, "Resume the test on Ellen?" He glares at the phone and says that it's no problem. Baltar hangs up and wonders why everybody in the fleet thinks that he's the crazy one.
Tigh returns to his quarters, calling for Ellen. She peers out around a locker door to confirm that the cabin door is shut, because it turns out that she's wearing a slinky little nightie. And she's holding a bottle of booze! ...Hooray? Tigh identifies the booze as "Ambrosia." Literally, I mean. Ellen wants to celebrate, but Tigh wants to have a serious talk. Guess who wins? Ellen pours some bright green liquor into the glasses and suggests that they drink a toast to "starting over." Really? I've heard it's a good show and all, but I don't know if it merits its own toast. ["And I'm surprised Ellen would want to toast to it, since it and Ellen air opposite each other in this market." -- Wing Chun] As Ellen sips her drink, Tigh argues that he's still on duty. Ellen refills her own glass and kisses Tigh. Looks like he picked the wrong day to stop chugging NyQuil. He tosses it back, and Ellen starts pouring another round.
Commercials. Moore mentions that the network had some qualms about "Flesh & Bone," and so this episode, which was originally their take on Crimson Tide's Cold War paranoia, was lightened up just a teeny bit. This pleases me because it means the genre-play might be an ongoing thing.
When we return, there's a dinner party going on. Adama, the Prez, Ellen, Tigh, and Apollo are all seated around a long table...somewhere. I'm going to guess that it's Adama's quarters, but I'm not clear on that. Maybe it's some office they turned into a dining room for the evening. Mugga wishes Adama had turned up at the dinner party dressed in a white jacket with the sleeves rolled up, while a synthesizer played. Ellen pontificates about the state of the fleet. She drunkenly says that most people are optimistic, and the Prez is pleased to hear that. Then Ellen burbles, "There are a few people who still might wonder if a kindergarten teacher is really the right person to be President, but it's just a tiny, tiny minority." The Prez pretends to be charmed while wishing that Ellen's head would explode. Ellen asks Apollo, seated opposite her, to refill her glass. Apollo smiles in a pained way and does so. Ellen tells Adama, "Lee here has grown into such a handsome man. I can only imagine what Zak must look like now." Apollo's smile drops away as Ellen goes on about how Apollo looks just like his mother, so Zak probably looks like Adama. Awkward. Tigh quietly tries to correct his wife, but Adama interrupts and calmly says that Zak died a few years ago. He says, "It was all his stupid fiancee's though. Actually; it's a funny story..." Well, fine, he doesn't. Incidentally, some posters felt that Ellen should have known about Zak's death already, but I think her comments about how Apollo has grown into a handsome man are a pretty good sign that she didn't actually know the boys as adults. We don't know when Apollo got divorced, so it could have been when his sons were pretty young. Anyway.
Ellen apologizes for putting her foot in it while, under the table, she kicks off one shoe. She offers a toast to Zak while rubbing her foot along Apollo's shin. Apollo boggles. Adama asks how Ellen got aboard the Rising Star as Apollo squirms about discreetly as if he has an itch he can't scratch. Ellen cheerfully notes that she was rescued by some unknown good Samaritan. The Prez grits, "How lucky for us all." Hee. Adama casually mentions, "The strange thing is, no one can recall giving you any medical assistance until about a week ago." Ellen agrees that it certainly is strange, and sits back in her chair so that she can stretch her foot up toward Apollo's crotch. As she chuckles that it's all a miracle, Apollo suddenly pops up out of his seat and offers to clear the table. Apollo collects plates as Ellen changes the subject to something everyone wants to know: "Where's Earth, and when do we get there?" Adama says that's classified. Ellen harrumphs, " If there are no privileges of being an X.O.'s wife, then what's the point?" She claims that they're all "family," and presses Adama. The Prez stresses the need for secrecy, and pointedly says, "Perhaps you don't know that the Cylons look like us now." Ellen apologetically says that she knows, and the Prez quickly mentions that most of the population just found out in the past few days. Ellen pauses for a long moment before she points out that news travels fast. Apollo calmly says that anyone at the table could be a Cylon. Ellen smiles, and is blessedly quiet for a moment as everyone looks at her, and then she suddenly shouts, "Boo!" Everyone jumps, and Ellen and Tigh giggle happily. Adama smiles slightly and thanks Ellen for dropping by, with the "Get the hell out of my face" subtext plain to everyone who isn't drunk. Tigh stands up, muttering, "Thought it would never end," and I imagine he's not the only one who feels that way. Ellen "discovers" that she's lost one of her shoes, and Apollo politely retrieves it from to his chair. The soundtrack is filled with the music of wackiness. By the door, Adama kindly tells Tigh that he looks happy. Ellen comes around the table to collect her shoe from Apollo, and when he bends down to slip it onto her foot, she gives his ass a helpful squeeze. Apollo's expression: priceless. Ellen sort of tumbles into Tigh's arms at the door, but then gasps, "Hang on, hang on," and lists back toward the table. Without turning or acknowledging Ellen's presence, the Prez picks up the bottle of Ambrosia from the table and hands it to Ellen. Hee. At long last, the revelry comes to an end as Apollo closes the door after the Tighs. After a beat, the Prez snarks, "You actually think that woman is a Cylon?" Apollo takes a seat as he observes, "Well, if she's not, then we're all in a lot of trouble."
Ellen and Tigh are stumbling through the ship's corridors. Mugga observes that they're both tight. I'm sure he'll apologize later. Ellen complains that Adama's no fun. Then she laughs like Fran Drescher. No wonder Tigh drinks when he's around her.
Adama tells the Prez and Apollo, "The scuttlebutt was that she slept with more than half the fleet while Saul was in space." Oh my lord, Adama's such a gossip! Apollo asks why Tigh didn't get a divorce, and the Prez points out that "he loves her deeply." Adama corrects her: "Blindly." He adds that Ellen used to bring out Tigh's self-destructive streak. Apollo asks, "'Used to'?" Everyone takes a moment, and then they pile all their half-filled glasses onto a tray. Er. I think that we're meant to understand that they were all continuing to enjoy their drinks, and thinking of Tigh made them stop. But we don't really see that they've got glasses in front of them until they clear them away, so it's more confusing than funny.
Caprica. Sewers. Splash, splash, splash. Helo pants that he can't keep up, and proves the point by collapsing. Boomer runs back and helps him sit down on a ledge so that he can catches his breath. While he gasps in the background, Boomer looks around and spies a ladder. She climbs up and tells Helo to turn off his flashlight. Then she gingerly lifts up a manhole cover and peers out into the street. "Clank, clank, clank," says the Cylons. They don't notice the levitating manhole cover, though. I think the Cylons developed humanoid models because they realized that a glowing red eyeball that bounces back and forth may look cool, but it's not all that functional. Boomer lowers the manhole cover back into place as a searchlight sweeps by. She looks kind of bummed. A moment later, she's snapping at Helo that they've gotta go. Helo whines, "You keep going and going, you never get tired." Boomer growls, "It's adrenaline!" Heh. She says that they're not going to die here, although that doesn't guarantee that they won't die somewhere else. Actually, they should probably stay where they are, and live forever! Soggily. Boomer helps Helo get up, and off they splash.
Commercials. Moore says that Helo's story will eventually illuminate what the Cylons are trying to do. Hmm.
Tigh and Ellen are still roaming the Galactica. I like the way they're mirroring Helo and Boomer. Only with less splashing and more glugging. Tigh insists, "Don't you worry, I'll get us home." Ellen sniffs, "Oh, yeah, right! Just like [Adama's] getting us to Earth." Heh. They come upon a little painter's scaffold in the corridor, and Ellen climbs up onto it. As she whoops that Adama doesn't know where earth is, Ellen holds onto the top of the scaffold and swings her legs up over Tigh's shoulders. Oh my. Tigh giggles, "You don't have to yell it through the hall!" Which is particularly funny to me, because it suggests that he thinks Adama's lying, too. Ellen, of course, reacts by shouting, "Bill Adama doesn't know where Earth is!" in a sing-song way. And then Baltar appears, looking remarkably sane compared to these two. Baltar greets Tigh, who has to peer over his wife's thigh to spot Baltar. The Tighs attempt to assume a slightly more dignified position, and Ellen sits down on the scaffolding. Baltar starts to introduce himself, but Ellen interrupts, "I know exactly who you are. And the pleasure's all mine." They shake hands, and Six leans in from behind Baltar to say, "Something here, isn't there?" Ellen teases Baltar, "You're still holding my ha-aand..." Baltar smarms that, actually, Ellen is still holding on to his hand, at which point Tigh pulls Ellen's hand away and grumbles, "I'm watching you. Both of you!" Six says, " You should be watching her," and it's not quite clear whom she's talking to. Which is nice. Ellen clings to a markedly less cheerful Tigh and invites Baltar to join them for a nightcap. Assuming they can ever find Tigh's quarters, of course. Baltar checks his watch dramatically and says that he'd love to. And then there's an announcement over the PA asking Baltar to report to the lab. Exit a very disappointed Baltar.
Tigh goes on glaring at Ellen until she affects a little-girl voice and asks if he's jealous. She insists that it was just harmless flirting, and offers Tigh a pull at the bottle of Ambrosia. He rejects it, so she gulps some down and kisses the tip of Tigh's nose. Tigh keeps on glaring, and wipes his nose, heh. Ellen whispers that she has to tell him something, and then claims that Adama put the moves on her during dinner. Tigh sounds nicely bored as he says that he not falling for her story. Ellen kind of sighs at that, and tries again, saying that Adama paid her a few visits over on the Rising Star. You have to admire her persistence. Ellen says that she'd pretend to be asleep, and Adama would come in and molest her. Tigh snaps, "Why are you doing this? You're lying!" Ellen shrieks, "Am not!" and shoves Tigh a couple of feet. She insists that Adama was on the Rising Star, and that she'll prove it. She barks, "Come on!" and, taking Tigh by the hand, stomps back up the corridor.
Lab. Baltar tells Adama that the Cylon test is science, not magic, so the results will take some time. While Apollo and the Prez lurk in the background, Adama grumbles, "I gave you her sample this morning." Baltar says that he started and stopped the test twice since then. Adama and Apollo both says, "Twice?" The Prez chirps, "My fault. Long story." Heh. She has to know that's not going to work. Sure enough, Adama turns on her and repeats, "Your fault?" Baltar quickly sighs that he shouldn't have mentioned that, and the Prez pointedly agrees. Adama asks for some clarification. Apollo turns back and forth to follow the conversation like it's a tennis match. The Prez says that she had "some concerns," and finally says that Adama's behavior lately has been odd. Adama advances on the Prez, asking if she thinks he's a Cylon. As Apollo makes another of his Muppet-y faces, the Prez mentions Adama's secret calls and mysterious trips off the Galactica. That doesn't help at all, of course, and Adama starts to shout, "Have you been spying on me on my own ship?" You know things are out of control when Baltar is the voice of reason. He urges everyone to remain calm by saying, "We're in a laboratory. There are hazardous chemical compounds everywhere." He gestures to a side of the room and says, "That's a thermonuclear bomb, for frack's sake." Okay, so he's not really practiced at urging people to stay calm. He tries making soothing hand-pat gestures instead, while Adama goes into a sulk.
Apollo finally processes all of the conversation and nervously asks his father, "What's going on?" Adama says that he didn't want Tigh to know that he was visiting the Rising Star. He explains, "Because whether or not his wife is a Cylon, she's nothing but trouble, and I wanted to keep her away from him as long as I could." Apollo asks why Adama brought Ellen aboard, in that case. Adama snaps, "Because she's his wife!" He says that refusing to let Ellen see Tigh would have caused suspicion. As opposed to this. He adds, "Besides, I wanted her close to me."
"I told you!" Ellen gasps from the door. Everyone turns to see that Tigh and Ellen have joined the party. Ellen tells Tigh, "I told you he wanted me." Tigh grumbles, "You have been secretly visiting my wife?" Adama shouts, "No!" And then, "Yes. But it's complicated!" Hee. Ellen tells Tigh, "He's been after me for years!" She tells Apollo and Tigh not to fight over her in that special way that means "Please fight over me." The Prez finally snaps at her to shut up. As Ellen starts to argue with the Prez, Apollo urges everyone to take a deep breath and calm down. Which just ensures that everyone yells more loudly to be heard over him. Adama tells Tigh that he thought Ellen might be a Cylon, so he wanted her to be tested. Tigh realizes, "That's why you canceled your test." Adama, startled, asks Tigh how he knows about that. Tigh turns to the Prez and grumps, " You didn't tell me he was testing my wife." Adama looks from the Prez to Tigh and with an expression of disgust, and gasps, "You met with the President?" Heh. Tigh says that the Prez thought Adama was a Cylon, and he looks like he's kind of amused by that notion. Adama and Tigh glare at each other, and then turn in unison to glare at the Prez. Adama mutters, "I know." The Prez looks at them silently, which is probably the best course at this point. And then Gaeta's voice comes over the PA, paging Adama, Tigh, and Apollo.
The Raider whirrs along. Aw, there's it's little red eye, too.
CIC. Gaeta tells Adama that the Raider "smoothed out its flight plan" two minutes ago. Everyone stares up at the monitors. I wonder if they ever get stiff necks. Apollo says that the ship seems to be under control now, and Adama wonders why it hasn't gone FTL and left. Tigh asks if the ship has made any transmissions since it stabilized. Gaeta says that it has, but figures it was just a distress call. Tigh gives Adama a faintly horrified look. Adama marches away, and Tigh tells Apollo to launch fighters. Apollo flicks a glance in Adama's direction, but then does so.
Adama has gone over to chat with Starbuck and Tyrol at their bank of more user-friendly eye-level monitors. You'd think they'd want those in a more central location. Starbuck reluctantly tells Adama, "I think [the Raider's] been playing with us the entire time, just waiting to see how we'd react." Adama whirls back toward Apollo and says, "Order the flight leader to destroy the target."
The Raider suddenly pops off at right angles from its path. The Vipers that were escorting it turn to give chase as it speeds toward the fleet.
Gaeta sounds the alarm. Apollo says that the Raider doesn't have any weapons. Starbuck says that the ship is on a suicide run. Aw, poor thing. It's probably depressed about being a sticky pile of robotic brain-goo.
Vipers pour out of the Galactica as the Raider aims at that pretty observation window on the front of the ship. And then it explodes prettily, shot down by a Viper that pops out from the top of the Galactica at the very last minute.
Back in CIC, Adama asks Apollo if he launched the fighters. Apollo nods, and says that it was Tigh's decision. Tigh says, "I had a hunch." Adama observes that it was a good call.
Adama steps out into the corridor, trailed by Tigh, who says, "One question." Without needing to hear the question, Adama answers that he was worried. Tigh asks, "That she might be a Cylon?" Adama snaps, "And if she wasn't." Ouch. He says that Ellen's been a bad influence in Tigh's life, adding, "I'm sorry about that, but it's the truth." Tigh lifts his head up to see over the mountain of denial as he claims that he and Ellen are both different now. Adama adds that he'd gotten used to seeing Tigh without a cup in his hand. Tigh pffts at that, and says he deserved to have a little celebration. Adama agrees, for a different reason: "Launching those fighters on a hunch saved our ship." But that came after the celebrating. Yeah, I know what he means. I think. Adama holds his hand out, and Tigh takes it for a manly handshake. Adama says that he needs Tigh for his skill: "That, and that we're friends. And I don't want anything to come between that, not even Ellen." Tigh quietly insists that it won't. They could do a movie called Gruff and Gruffer about these two. Or Gruff Old Men. Or Gruff Riders.
Caprica. Larry and Six walk down a deserted street. Larry says that they've searched everywhere, but somehow Helo and Boomer have escaped. Six observes that Boomer's love for Helo is making her more resourceful, even if it's not doing a lot for her acting ability. Doral asks if it bothers Six that she's never experienced those feelings. Yeah, this is not my favorite SF cliché. Six does that fake little laugh one does and says, "You saw the way Helo was when we took her away? He was pathetic." But she looks upset as Larry wonders out loud what it would be like to feel such intense emotions: "Even in his anguish, he seemed so alive." Six turns her face away from Larry, takes a shuddery deep breath, and blinks rapidly. She actually did the "fighting back tears" things in a nice way. Although it just makes me wonder if nobody told the Cylons that jealousy is also an emotion. They walk on, down below street level, to join a mess of clanky robots.
Lab. Baltar says, "Green." Ellen looks triumphant, Tigh looks numb, and Adama looks even more depressed than usual. Baltar repeats that Ellen is "definitely human." Adama reluctantly turns and tells Ellen that he hopes there are no hard feelings. Ellen gives him a hug, saying that she understands. She adds, "But let's be sure and test you ." She looks at Baltar, who says, "My pleasure." Adama shoots Baltar a look, and Baltar corrects himself: "My job." Ellen shifts her hugging position so that she can whisper in Adama's ear: "You don't wanna frack with me, Bill. Try to remember that." Adama whispers back, "Don't frack with me either, Ellen." Smiles all around. Six is kneeling, facing Baltar, as she purrs, "If only they knew that everyone passes these days." Baltar tells her that it's simpler that way. Six climbs into his lap and asks what Ellen's test really said. Baltar replies, "I'll never tell," and smirks. The camera pulls back as Baltar turns back and forth in his chair. Adama, Tigh, and Ellen chat on one side of the room, Apollo and the Prez on the other.
time: the Cylons open a gas station, and Starbuck gives Apollo some advice.
Production card: Moore hauls a knight in, who hammers Eick's head down into his chest. Also, there's a tank going by in the background. Props to AresCupid for explaining to me that last week's card was a reference to Janet Jackson's Super Bowl performance. Okay, I'm slow, but c'mon, that was a year ago.