Previously: Olympic Carrier lost a game of chicken, and Helo played blind man's bluff.
Water drips into a pool at someone's feet. The camera gradually moves up to reveal Boomer, soaking wet, sitting in a maintenance room. She's wearing some kind of coverall, and seems frozen. Then she blinks and starts to look around. She jumps up and realizes that she's drenched. There's a duffel bag on the floor nearby, so she opens it and finds a towel. Well, at least her subconscious Cylon programming is thoughtful. Under the towel is her uniform. After a minute, she starts pulling off the coverall to change clothes. Then she recoils, because under the uniform is a big hunk of plastique with a detonator attached. Boomer looks around with a rather pained expression, and gingerly picks up the bomb and removes the detonator.
Flight deck. Boomer, now in uniform, carries her duffel bag across the deck. Cally hurries over to salute Boomer, and Boomer shouts, "Good evening! I'm not carrying a bomb!" Cally blinks and gently points out, "It's morning, Sir." She does not add, "Guess you and Tyrol had quite a night." A surprised Boomer asks what time it is, and Cally says that it's 5:45.
Boomer nervously opens a door labeled "Small arms -- authorized personal only." Once inside, she opens a locked cabinet that contains a lot of smaller cabinet cases. One, labeled "G4 Detonators," has clearly been opened, so she pulls it down and takes the detonator out of her bag. Then she opens the case and jumps again, because there are seven empty slots where detonators should be. Boomer moans, "Where are the rest of them?"
"We're right here!" the other detonators beep cheerfully from inside Galactica's water tanks.
Credits. Let us travel back in time about two and a half years, when Ron Moore answered some questions about the proposed remake on a fansite for the original show. Warren Ellis put some of those questions in one of his "Bad Signal" emails, and that piqued my interest in the miniseries. Because the questions were things like: "What right do you have to destroy something we all love?" Generally speaking, I'm for anything that elicits that kind of dementia.
Speaking of dementia, Tigh is angrily digging through his locker as an announcement over the PA tells us that Colonial One is arriving in thirty minutes. Tigh grumbles, "Where the hell is that damned, son of a bitch sash?" Hee. He eventually finds the sash on a low shelf, and then stands up and finds himself eye-level with his bottle of booze. The bottle says, "Hello, Tigh. Wouldn't you like a glass of me?" Tigh chews on his upper lip and stares at the bottle. Then we jump to Tigh carefully measuring the contents of the bottle with his fingers.
Apollo is also putting on his dress uniform. He opens his locker, sees his reflection, makes a hilarious "Aaaa!" face, and boom, we're in a flashback. Only Apollo would actually be frightened by his own reflection. So anyway, flashback to Apollo firing on the Olympic Carrier. And then we're back, and Apollo makes some traumatized gasps and then closes his locker again. I wonder if his locker is like Binkley's anxiety closet.
Apollo pedeconferences with Adama and tells him, "I can't stop thinking about the Olympic Carrier." Adama pffts, "That was three days ago. It's ancient history under these circumstances." Apollo frets that, as leaders, maybe they have an obligation to examine their own decisions and consider every angle until they become paralyzed with self-doubt and regret and are unable to make any decision for fear it's the wrong one. It's like someone took the entire Democratic Party and distilled it into one guy. Adama tries to wake up his navel-gazing son, and says, "A man takes responsibility for his actions, right or wrong. He accepts the consequences and lives with them. Every day."
The Colonial One docks inside the Galactica.
Billy tells the Prez to wait until the ship has come to a complete stop before she retrieves her luggage from the overhead compartment. The Prez pulls on her jacket and whines, "Please don't tell me that we have to go through this every time I step on that ship." Billy says no, but that there will always be some kind of arrival ceremony because...well, she's the President. He adds that if they know the Prez doesn't care for it, they could probably tone it down. The Prez figures that Adama's more comfortable with the formality, and figures that might make him easier to deal with. Then she gripes, "I'm going to get tired of this outfit, seeing as I only have three for the rest of my life." Billy says that she looks fine, and the Prez hms, "Fine?" Billy amends that to "Great," and the Prez teases that Billy doesn't know anything about women. With that, they prepare to greet the troops.
CIC. The Prez speechifies: "Without your extraordinary dedication, your tireless effort, your sacrifice, no one of us would be here today." There's polite applause, and then Adama orders everyone back to work. Dualla tells Adama that the Virgon Express is maneuvering alongside the Galactica, and awaiting "unrep," whatever the hell that is. Adama tells Gaeta to proceed with the unrep, and leads the Prez out.
Flight deck. Tyrol is working with some crewman when Boomer asks for a word with him. When he joins her, she moans, "I have a problem." Tyrol leads her off the deck while loudly proclaiming, "Yes, Sir, Lieutenant. I believe the navcon modules are ready for inspection." Cally snickers and shakes her head at the marvelous lack of subtlety.
The Virgon Express edges up to the Galactica. Adama explains to the Prez that Galactica is able to recycle almost 100% of its water, and could go for years without a new supply of water. However, many of ships in the fleet weren't intended for long voyages, so they have to resupply their water from Galactica. And apparently that's what this "unrep" is. The Prez uh-huhs like, "Why do I have to listen to all this exposition? I hope this is important later."
In the tool room, Tyrol tries to reassure Boomer that they'll deal with whatever's worrying her. I think he thinks that she's pregnant. He finally asks what's wrong, and Boomer declaims that there are six detonators missing from the small arms locker. Tyrol blinks. See, that's totally not the kind of problem he was expecting. It'd be funny if he seemed a little bit relieved.
Tigh tells Adama that they're about to "extend the water boom." Heh. "Boom," indeed. Adama excuses himself and joins Tigh, and Apollo edges a little closer to the Prez. Tigh asks Adama how it's going, and Adama sighs, "I feel like a --" He and Tigh both say "Tour guide" at the same time, and chuckle. Tigh notes that the Prez was a teacher, and probably views this as an educational experience.
Meanwhile, the Prez asks Apollo, "He thinks I'm a total idiot, doesn't he?" Apollo blinks and says, "Uh, no, Sir. No. He thinks I'm a total idiot."
Tyrol snaps at Boomer: "What are you telling me for? Munitions go missing, you gotta go tell the master-at-arms right now!" Boomer says she knows that, but Tyrol goes on yelling until she whines, "The only reason I didn't tell anybody is because they're gonna think I'm the one who took them!"
Two big conduits extend out of the Galactica and connect to the Virgon Express. In CIC, Billy tries to make small talk with Dualla: "You look good. I really like your hair." Dualla grins wonderfully and looks at Billy like, "I cannot believe what a doofus you are." Heh. She's so cute. Dualla snickers and turns away, while Billy sighs to himself, "I don't know anything about women."
Meanwhile, Apollo tells the Prez that all of the ceremonial shtick was Adama's idea. She says that she knows that, and adds, "I think he's enjoying it." Apollo smirks, "Actually, he hates protocol, pomp, and, uh, something else that starts with 'P.' 'Paternity,' I suspect." The Prez is surprised (by the first part, anyway), and Apollo explains that Adama was trying to make her feel like she's the President. The Prez turns and looks at Adama wonderingly as he orders the crew to open the valves. Water begins pumping onto the Virgon Express. I wonder if it's got a sister ship called the Virgon Limited full of overpriced clothing.
Boomer finishes telling Tyrol about her morning's adventures. I assume she left out the part where she was soaking wet when she woke up, because that's a bit of a give-away. Tyrol does his monkey-like head-scratch maneuver again, which I just find hysterical, for some reason. He doesn't say anything for a long while, but finally he declares that someone's obviously trying to frame Boomer: "You wake up somewhere, you don't know how you got there or anything? You're drugged or manipulated, or who knows what, something." Hee. Something! Boomer says that if she reports what happened, they'll think she's a Cylon agent. Tyrol grabs her and insists that's crazy. Boomer retorts that people are getting crazy. She says, "You've heard the rumors: Cylons who look like humans, sleeper agents hiding in the fleet." As if on cue, there's a distant explosion.
In CIC, things shake a little, and alarms go off. Gaeta shouts, "Decompression alarm!" In an exterior shot, we see water streaming out of the Galactica into space. Then there's another explosion, and a second fountain pours out of the ship's side. Gaeta reports that there are ruptures in four water tanks. Adama orders them to release the unrep lines and veer to starboard. Buttons are pressed, levers are pushed. Tigh says that every tank on the port side has blown: "We're venting all our water directly into space."
Commercials. This was my favorite of the "questions" for Moore: "When you were following your dream to become a writer, did you ever think that someday you would be using it to crush the dreams of others?" The correct answer is: "No, that was an unexpected perk."
Tyrol and some of his crew have donned spacesuits and are entering one of the water tanks. They shine their flashlights around, and we finally see the gaping hole in the hull. Someone aims a flashlight's beam through the hole as a Raptor hovers outside. The beam blinds the pilot, and the Raptor crashes into a lower deck and kills twenty people. Okay, not really. But that would have been pretty funny. Instead, Tyrol radios to the Raptor: "I have you in my sights." Inside the Raptor, Boomer says, "Copy that," in a bizarrely seductive way. She asks if they can tell what happened, and Tyrol blurts, "Lieutenant, don't worry." Then he does an "oopsie" eye-flicker and adds, "-- about my team." Heh. Good cover, Tyrol. Cally gives another "I can't believe they think they're fooling anyone" glance. Tyrol adds that everything's under control. Boomer says, "I feel better knowing you're on it." She turns to see Crashdown giving her a funny look, and snaps, "Watch the light, you're off target." Hee.
The meeting/dining/conference room. The Prez, Billy, Adama, and Tigh sit at the table. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong. The Prez asks how much water was lost, and the camera swings around to show Gaeta standing at the podium. Gaeta says they lost almost 60% of their reserves. Adama orders rationing: "Shut down laundry, showers, anything nonessential, immediately." The Prez asks how long their existing water supply will last. Gaeta says that the Galactica could go on as is for six days normally, but now it's supplying a third of the fleet: "If we don't find new supplies, they'll run out of water in two days." The Prez says that the ships without their own water supply will need to begin rationing as well, and Billy hurries out to pass along the news. Tigh grumbles, "There's gonna be riots on those ships. Civilians don't like hearing they can't take a bath or wash their clothes or drink more than a thimble a day." Yeah, stupid wussy civilians. I love how he's implying that Galactica's crew wouldn't mind being stinky and dehydrated. The Prez is like, "Thanks, Colonel Gloomy." Oh, hey, Apollo's there too. Hiding in the background. Gaeta starts to leave, and we see that he's had time to put together a nice visual aid illustrating the water tanks. The Prez asks, "Do you have any theories about what may have caused the accident?" It was probably space termites, don't you think? Gaeta looks nervous and non-answers that there are many theories. The Prez presses, "Do you have a guess?" Adama interrupts, and says that he tells his officers not to make guesses: "I prefer to wait until we have facts." Aw, he's a Sherlock Holmes fan. The Prez really, really wants to hear some guesses, though, so Adama instructs Gaeta give it a try. Gaeta hesitantly suggests that maybe the nuke the Cylons used in the miniseries caused enough damage that the tank finally ruptured. I'm really coming around to the "Gaeta's a Cylon" theory, I have to say. Oh, and look, Baltar's there as well. Smoking. In front of a fan. Heh. I think maybe we should have started with a wide shot of the whole room, because all these other people keep appearing out of nowhere. The Prez thanks Gaeta for his guess, and Adama finally moves things along to how they're going to find more water.
In one of the water tanks, Cally calls Tyrol over to look at a section of the tank. She says, "It looks like burn marks from an explosive," and hands over a chunk of singed metal. Tyrol sweatily observes that the metal is so rusted that it's hard to tell. Cally stares at him. Looking back at it now, it seems like Cally should have been a bigger player in "Litmus," because she had plenty of reasons to be suspicious of Tyrol.
In the conference room, it's Tigh's turn at the podium. He says that there are five systems nearby containing planets that might have water. Adama tells him to come up with a plan for the Raptors to search each system. The Prez asks what the chances are that they'll find water. Tigh gets a gleam in his eye and harrumphs, "Now you want me to guess, I take it?" Hee. Without looking up, Adama sniffs, "Colonel." Tigh apologizes to the Prez and admits, "Most planets are just hunks of rock or balls of gas. The galaxy's a pretty barren and desolate place when you get right down to it. That's why I drink." The Prez asks Baltar to "share the results of [his] study." Baltar eschews the podium, and explains that he's calculated how much food the civilians in the fleet need. He says, "The current civilian population of 45,265 will require, at minimum, 82 tons of grain, 85 tons of meat, 119 tons of fruit, 304 tons of vegetables and...2.5 million jps of water." Apollo, slow as always, asks if that's per month. Baltar answers,"Per week." And maybe season we'll find out where all that food is coming from!
Caprica. Day 10. Helo peers through some binoculars at Boomer's Raptor, around which several Cylon robots stand. Helo says, "That's what you get for coming back for me." Boomer says, "Frack!" Later, later. Boomer complains that she thought they didn't spot her coming in, and insists, "I set the jiggers to pulse." Hee. I don't know what that means, but at least they're making the technobabble entertaining. Helo's pretty Zen about this development, but Boomer goes on listing all of the precautions she took. Helo finally smirks, "Never send a pilot to do an ECO's job." Boomer whines that she can do Helo's job, but Helo says, "I guess that's why the toasters are crawling all over our ride outta here." He asks if she has a plan B. Boomer says that plans B through E are all the same: "Get off the planet and get back to the ship." But what of plan F, Boomer? What of plan F? She jumps up and tells Helo to come along. He asks where they're going, and she grumbles, "Don't ask questions, just follow your pilot." Helo says, "Yes, Sir," and follows Boomer downhill through the rain. Then, if you pause it at just the right second, there's a subliminal message instructing me to forget I ever saw this scene. For real. Or, okay, maybe I was just sleepy.
It's Tyrol's turn at the podium, and he starts by saying, "Um," and then pausing for a while. He eventually says that they've found five detonation points inside the tank, and suspect that there's a sixth. He claims that, "due to the size of the residual scoring and the burn marks," he suspected that a G4 explosive had been used, and so he requested a check of the explosives aboard the Galactica. He nervously adds that, amazingly enough, the master-at-arms discovered that six detonators were missing. Adama immediately orders guards posted at all the small-arms lockers. Tyrol says that this has already been done, and that the master-at-arms is investigating who had access to the locker. He coughs and hesitates before adding, "Due to spotty record-keeping and lax internal security procedures since the attack, she believes that we may never know who took the detonators." Adama leans over and whispers something to the Prez. My guess: "The master-at-arms hasn't been cast yet, or she'd obviously be reporting this herself." Then Adama thanks Tyrol and says that everyone on the panel is free to go, except for Apollo, Tigh, and Baltar. Teacher's pets. The Prez doesn't move either, but then, she is the President. Once the others have gone, Adama says, "There is at least one Cylon aboard the Galactica."
Commercials. Sometimes I think that I never want Helo to get back to the Galactica, but he has to, because at some point he has to discover that all of his misadventures are because he nobly gave up his seat to the man who enabled the attack. And then, obviously, he'll go completely nuts, and spend four or five episodes living in the Galactica ducts, feasting on the bodies of the unwary. He could be like the anti-Baltar, actually, and lose his faith, and talk about existentialism and Nietzsche a lot.
When we return, the Prez asks, "How many people know Cylons look like humans?" Tigh say that "half the ship" is gossiping about humanoid Cylons. The Prez dismisses that, saying that there will always be rumors. She wants to know who actually knows. Tigh says, "The five people in this room, plus three Marines." Baltar looks shifty as the Prez says that they'll keep it that way. The Prez frets that people will start accusing each other of being Cylons if the truth gets out, plus there might be really heavy-handed episodes about witch-hunts. Nobody wants that. Adama asks Baltar how the screenings are coming. Baltar duhs, and the Prez expositions, "You're supposed to be screening Galactica crew for potential Cylon agents." Baltar boggles, and Six suddenly asks, "Do you remember the first time you lied to a woman?" It's sort of interesting that she's specifying "women" there. Guess she's feeling some sisterhood with other imaginary robot girlfriends.
Cut to the domicylon. Baltar is standing on the balcony as Six continues, "Other than your mother, that is." Hee. Baltar says that the first woman apart from his mother was Sherry Bennet. He turns around, and Six is sitting in a hot tub with a bottle of champagne close at hand. Baltar reminsces about a fourth-grade game of "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" with young Miss Bennet, in which he welshed on his part of the deal. He adds, "You know, I think I slept with her, actually -- many years later, of course." Six seems to be charmed by the story, which is yet another reason I think she's just a creation of his own insanity. Six steps out of the tub and, to the lingering sadness of many viewers, grabs a towel before stepping out of the shadows. Somehow, this leads to Baltar pontificating about women. He smarms, "Every woman has her beauty, her feminine charms that are hers and hers alone." Six looks skeptical about that.
Adama says, "Doctor?" Baltar jolts back to reality and admits that he's having some trouble with the Cylon detector. He says that he's run out of the chemical compounds he needs. "I need large samples of, um...[Baltar pauses to invent something] tetrahydrocycline, which, I don't have to tell you -- well, maybe I do have to tell you -- [Strega pauses to giggle] but it's a highly volatile --" Adama mercifully interrupts before Baltar unleashes a never-ending sentence on the world. He says that Baltar's, like, totally way smarter than they are. I'd mock them all for not realizing that Baltar's just dazzling them with bullshit that sounds good, but then that's how I got through school. That might be why I kind of like Baltar, actually. Adama says, "In order to make large-scale screenings, you're gonna need help. Staff, resources." Baltar quickly agrees, and claims that this was precisely his point. And then, as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he realizes what he's agreeing to and says, "Although, more staff..." Six leans over his shoulder and grumps, "Someone snooping around, watching your every move?" Baltar frowns, until Six adds, "Maybe it'll be a woman, and you can find her 'secret beauty.'" Baltar perks up at that idea. Hee. Adama says that he's assigning Gaeta to assist Baltar. Six harrumphs, "So much for that." And hee again. Baltar protests, reminding them all of the need for secrecy, but the Prez figures that the need for a Cylon detector trumps other concerns. The Prez says that Baltar's test "may be critical to [their] very survival." Six traces a finger along Baltar's cheek and echoes, "Humanity's very survival rests in your hands." They're so dead. Baltar stares up at Six, who smirks, "Now, if only you had an actual Cylon detector." Even Baltar thinks that's kind of funny. Then he blinks and looks at the Prez.
Flight deck. Apollo is telling Boomer and Crashdown that the need for water is critical. I don't know which is sadder: that Apollo thinks that he has to explain that, or that, given he's talking to Boomer and Crashdown, the possibility that he actually does have to explain that. He says that the civilians are already starting fights over water rations. He also says, "There's panic in the air," because he's a dink. Boomer insists that she understands the urgency. Apollo wishes her good hunting, and marches off. On his way out, he passes Tyrol, who casually greets Boomer. Cally isn't even in this scene, and yet I can feel her rolling her eyes. Boomer quietly says, "I feel like my head's about to explode." She hides it well. Tyrol tells her just to focus on the mission. As he pretends to check out her Raptor, he expositions that the master-at-arms is running the investigation into the sabotage, but that there's nothing that would connect it to Boomer. He adds, "In fact, there's no reason to believe you had anything to do with it at all." Boomer snits, "I didn't!" Tyrol says he knows that, but Boomer goes on defending her innocence in an oddly perky way. Tyrol keeps agreeing with her, but she finally grabs his arm and whines, "It's really important you believe me on this. You do believe me, right?" Someone should tell the Cylon programmers about that protesting-too-much thing. Tyrol says yet again that he believes her.
Adama's quarters. The Prez is poking around one of the many piles of books as Adama hurries in and apologetically explains that he had to deal with something in the engine room. The Prez cheerfully mentions that she'll have to borrow a couple of books sometime. Adama has bustled past her to the bathroom, and is about to wash his hand when he freezes and remembers the water shortage. Wait, did he just take a FTL piss? He asks the Prez what book she'd like, and starts wiping his dry hands on a towel. The Prez mentions a book called A Murder on Picon, and confesses to having a weakness for mysteries. Adama suggests something called Dark Day, as he returns to the main room, and quickly hands her a copy. The thing I liked is that he knew exactly where it was. And it wasn't sitting out on a table so that he could grab it easily for blocking purposes; it was on low shelf on a bookcase so he had to scurry around to get it. I like those details. Anyway, the Prez thanks Adama and admits that it may take her a while to return it. Adama gruffs, "It's a gift. Never lend books." That's actually good advice. Not that I'm bitter.
Gaeta tags along behind a miffed Baltar, who's striding through the corridor with his arms folded angrily. Gaeta burbles that he's looking forward to working with Baltar. Six gleefully chirps, "You have a friend! " Hee. Gaeta says that he studied genetics in college. Baltar pauses by the door to the rec room and enthuses, "Wonderful!" Then he looks through the doorway and gasps, "Is that a card game?" He hurries inside, and a confused Gaeta follows.
Oh, look, it's spunky Starbuck with an intact knee. Joy. She gloats, "And the girl wins again!" and claws at the pot. She offers a rematch, and Baltar asks if he can join the game, and right now, in his head, Baltar is James Bond. Starbuck looks at him, and right now, in her head, Baltar is Foghorn Leghorn. She semi-politely says that if he's got the cubits, he can play. Er, cubits are money; that's not a wacky slang term like "frack." Although now I want to pretend that it is slang: "That guy's got big cubits to pull a stunt like that!" Er, anyway, Starbuck mentions that, in lieu of cash, anything drinkable is also acceptable. She chugs what looks like an airline bottle of booze. Baltar starts to admit that he's a bit cash-poor, and behind him Gaeta starts ingratiatingly checking his pockets for cash. Which is hilarious. Before Gaeta can offer a scholarship, Baltar pulls off his jacket and notes that it's worth at least fifteen cubits. He talks up the jacket a bit, and notes that it would look very nice on Starbuck. He loudly asks, "Anybody else got any civilian clothes they'd be interested in putting on the table?" He's hoping for strip poker, isn't he? Starbuck looks sulky as Baltar sits down. Gaeta approaches Baltar and pointedly checks his watch, so Baltar politely says, "Don't let me keep you." Heh. Baltar makes a face I'll have to translate thusly: "But I was -- and we were gonna -- with the -- because -- aw, crap." He exits. Baltar's face says: "Phew! " Starbuck's face says: "Git."
Adama and the Prez are sitting on Adama's swanky couch. I am distracted because I need a new coffee table and Adama's got just the kind I want. The Prez reports that there's already been one riot because of the water rationing. This is another one of those episodes where I don't feel like enough time is passing. Because it seems like it's been half a day, tops. Presumably it's been longer. Or else the civilians are really, really finicky. The Prez declares, "We need to demonstrate an ability to maintain order." Pogroms oughta do the trick. Adama say that he doesn't have the men to enforce security throughout the fleet. The Prez says that there isn't anyone else who can do it, but Adama gruffs that the military and the police are separate bodies for a reason: "One fights the enemy of the state, the other serves and protects the people. When the military becomes both, then the enemies of the state tend to become the people." He's such a utopian. I want to watch a debate between Adama and my Sociology prof. The Prez doesn't seem to mind getting a Civics lecture, but she insists that she's not going to let that happen. I do like this scene, even if it is less than subtle, just because they're both right. But Adama's all about the abstract issues while the Prez is like, "Yeah, but hello, there are people rioting." Adama looks at the Prez and finally agrees to send some troops in. The Prez repeats, "I won't let that happen." And they look at each other like they might just kiss for a second. But they don't. Which is good.
Boomer's Raptor flies over, I don't know, a frozen moon or something. As they run scans, Crashdown yammers that he wants to name the whatever-they're-flying-over Kimiko, "after a lovely little lady in a lovely little city in a lovely little colony that I used to know." For once, Boomer speaks for the entire universe when she says, "Whatever." The camera slides down under her seat and reveals the sixth detonator, blinking cheerfully. A refugee from Stomp bangs on a trash can lid to indicate that tension is being generated.
Commercials. So, you may or may not recall that, in the recaplet, I said that Baltar was "given a staff, consisting of Gaeta." Johanna doesn't watch this show. But she read that recaplet for some reason, and it took a little while to sort out that no, Baltar wasn't a wizard, and he didn't have a magical staff, and even if he were a wizard with a magical staff, Gaeta was not a material out of which one would build a magical staff. There's probably a lesson here about ambiguous phrasing, but I'm too entertained to learn it.
Rec room. Baltar and Starbuck raise their bets until the other two players drop out. Then Baltar sniffs, "I'm not used to playing in this kind of high-stakes game." Heh. Starbuck says that he could bow out. Baltar agrees that he should examine his motives before continuing. He pulls a cigarette out of the jacket he's piled on top of the chips, and says that if he stays in the game, he might lose his stake and be humiliated. Starbuck says, "'Humiliated' is a such a strong word. 'Embarrassed' would be my choice." Starbuck is wearing a hoodie that I don't think we see her wear again in the first season. Because I don't remember seeing so much of her cleavage in other episodes. Baltar makes with the banter about Starbuck playing rough, and there's a distant whirring as if, many decks below them, Cally feels a sudden urge to roll her eyes vigorously. Baltar finally admits, "My hand's not that strong; it certainly wouldn't take much to knock me out of the game." Starbuck thanks him, and reaches out to grab the chips. Baltar puts his hands on hers -- which I think was the goal here for him -- and says, "However..." Y'know, I think that at a certain point, you've conceded the hand, and if someone's already reaching out to collect their winnings with a sign of relief, it's too late to say, "Oh wait, no, I'm still in, actually!" But I don't play poker. So Baltar says, "Without a little risk, life would be so dull, wouldn't it?," and calls the bet. Starbuck has "three on a run," which causes some appreciative murmurs in the room. Baltar nods, and smirks, and announces that he has "full colors." The onlookers applaud. I wish they'd play a game I understood, like Creights. Baltar mugs for the crowd and collects his jacket, and his winnings while Starbuck stares at him. After a moment, Baltar remembers that he's James Bond, and offers Starbuck one of his fancy-shmancy cigarettes. Starbuck takes it, and allows Baltar to light it for her after thanking him. Baltar suaves, "My pleasure." And, of course, then Starbuck blows a stream of smoke into his face. Baltar coughs, and I'm honestly not sure if he gets that she did that intentionally, because he excuses himself like he's hoping she won't notice his eyes watering. It's hard to tell with Baltar when he's feigning obliviousness, and when he's actually oblivious. Anyway, Baltar collects his winnings, offers Starbuck a final, schoolboy smile, and leaves. And thus, an epic romance is born. Well, kind of.
CIC. Dualla tells Adama that three Raptors have finished their sweeps without finding any water. Tigh adds that, according to "astrometrics," there aren't any other systems in range likely to have water. Dualla pipes up to add that a fourth Raptor has called in without finding anything, so only Boomer and Crashdown are still looking. Tigh wonders what the backup plan is. Adama says that they'll jump to another sector and start over, and sighs, "Needle in a haystack." Tigh offers, "More like a grain of salt on a beach." Adama blinks at him like, "Don't correct my metaphors, okay?" Dualla pipes up that it's closer to a canary in a coal mine, because it would be hard to find the canary because it's small and the coal mine is dark. Then everyone looks at her for a minute, and Billy has to pull her aside and explain about canaries and mines. Except that some of that didn't actually happen.
Crashdown taps a few random keys, and a helpful message comes up on his monitor reading, "H2O negative contact." He sighs, "More nothing." Boomer stares straight ahead and says that she hasn't found anything, either. But her monitor disagrees! "H2O positive multiple contacts," it announces cheerily. Crashdown hopes that someone else had better luck, and Boomer stares at her monitors. The monitor stares back at her. One of them is having complicated thoughts, and it just might be the monitor. Crashdown asks, "What's on your mind, Boomer?" Boomer says she isn't sure, but that she wants to run the last sweep again. They do, and Crashdown immediately says that he's got zip. Boomer's monitor repeats: "Multiple contacts." The detonator blinks away to Boomer's seat. Boomer finally makes a pained face and says, "I'm having trouble saying it..." Crashdown, not unreasonable, asks what she means. Boomer gasps a bit, and reaches one hand down toward the detonator. She taps it with one finger as she quaveringly says, "I spy, with my little eye, something that start with 'W.'" Okay, no, but maybe she should have tried that. Or just asked Crashdown to trade with her, so that they were double-checking each other's work, basically. But instead, she says, "I think I see -- oh! I have positive contact!" She moves her hand away from the detonator as Crashdown finally bothers to move two steps forward and look at her monitor. He woohoos and applauds her as Boomer holds her head.
CIC. Dualla patches Crashdown through over the speakers. Crashdown rather informally reports, "It's time to break out the swim trunks because we found water!" There's the obligatory applause in CIC, and Adama tells Dualla that he wants to transmit a message to the fleet. His big speech winds up being, "Attention, this is the commander. We have found water." I guess he saves the more insightful speeches for private conferences with the Prez. With that out of the way, he tells the CIC crew, "Let's go have a drink." Tigh's like, "Way ahead of you! Oh, you meant a drink of water. Okay, that, too."
Back on the Raptor, Crashdown tells Boomer that he could hear the crew screaming in the background. Happily, I assume. Or maybe he picked up a broadcast from those ever-present riots by mistake. Boomer looks down and suddenly sees the bomb by her chair. She looks...well, kind of embarrassed, honestly. "Me and my suicidal urges," she sighs, before reaching down to turn it off.
Caprica. Boomer injects herself while Helo manfully shoulders the burden of exposition by saying, "Careful with that needle -- we're running low on anti-radiation meds." Wow, that was clunky. They've built a fire and are eating. After some lighthearted banter about how their rations won't last long, Helo asks why Boomer came back for him: "You disobeyed orders. Flew back into this hellhole. I mean, not that I don't appreciate it, but why?" Boomer replies, "I just couldn't leave you behind. Let's leave it at that." It's a lame answer, but it's also a lame question. I guess Helo was hoping for a romantic declaration of some kind, because otherwise, why would you ask that? There's silence for a moment, which is interrupted by a burst of noise from the radio. And Morse code. Or possibly Moore's code. Helo identifies it as a Colonial Fleet signal, but says that he can't decode it. Presumably because it's too fuzzy and not because he's just a goober. He adds, "It means there's someone!" Boomer gleefully bleats, "Someone!" and then pauses slightly, and I think that's all she's going to say and laugh for a while. But actually, what she says is, "Someone in the military is still somewhere live and kicking here in Caprica!" They cackle and hug, and of course the hug goes on a little too long before Boomer pulls back. Helo stares at her for a second, and then looks at the fire and observes, "Now all we have to do is find them."
Flight deck. The crew applauds as Boomer and Crashdown arrive. As soon as they open the hatch of their Raptor, Apollo loudly calls, "Way to go, Boomer!" I think he consulted a monograph on building team spirit that suggested he say that. My lord, he's such a dweeb. Boomer and Crashdown step out, and Apollo immediately tells Boomer, "Let's get you debriefed." What, there's a hazing ritual now? Oh, wait, I get it. Apollo is willing to wait long enough for some hearty fist-pumping and congratulatory shoulder-pats before leading Boomer away. Tyrol sidles up, and Boomer asks him to take a look at her "ejection pyros," if you know what she means. Tyrol starts to ask Cally to check it out, but Boomer quickly asks Tyrol to look at it himself.
Tyrol steps into the Raptor's cockpit and looks over the seats. And then he freezes upon spotting the detonator.
Colonial One. The Prez thanks Apollo for coming to see her. She mentions the Olympic Carrier, and says, "I know what a hard thing that is to live with, for all of us." Apollo says that he can't stop thinking about it, and then parrots his dad's statement about taking responsibility for his actions. The Prez shares a little anecdote about how President Adar sent fifteen Marines on a mission that got them killed, and how, publicly, he maintained that it was the correct decision. But privately, he knew it was a mistake. She tells Apollo, "He kept the names of the dead in his desk drawer. He said that it was imperative for a leader to remember and learn from their mistakes, even if they can't admit to them publicly." Apollo asks whether destroying the Carrier was a mistake. The Prez doesn't know. Apollo says, "So, what the hell is your point here, lady?" Well, no. Actually, the Prez concludes, "I don't have a desk drawer yet, but I have a pocket." I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma! She reaches into her pocket and pulls out an octagonal Post-It that reads, "Olympic Carrier." Well, I guess she couldn't really carry around a list of a thousand names. Apollo looks at the paper and nods like he's just learned something very profound. Possibly involving puppies. After a beat, the Prez says that she wants him to be her personal military advisor. Apollo stammers and blushes and flutters his eyelashes like he's been asked to the prom, and then points out that Adama should advise her. The Prez says, "I'm not looking for military advice. I'm looking for advice about the military." I still like that line. She explains that Apollo's explanation for all the pomp earlier changed her view of Adama. She adds, "I would appreciate more of those insights. And you can keep your day job at the C.A.G." She pronounces each letter individually, and Apollo explains, "It's pronounced 'cag.'" The Prez looks dumbfounded and says, "Do you see why I need you?" Then Billy rushes in, full of jealous rage, stabs Apollo, and calls the Prez a wanton strumpet. Not really. Apollo asks who's gonna tell Adama about his new gig, and the Prez says that's Apollo's first assignment. Wah-wah. She giggles a little, and Apollo laughs and says, "Somehow I knew you were gonna say that." Oh, you kids.
Tyrol enters the tool room, where Boomer is waiting to embrace him. Guess that's why it's called the tool room. After some kissing, Boomer says, "That is just what I needed." Tyrol firmly (ahem) agrees. With the small talk out of the way, Boomer asks Tyrol if he found the detonator. He says that he did, and reassuringly says that he gave it to the master-at-arms. Boomer shrieks, "What?" and flails around in a panic. While Boomer makes a series of shocked faces, Tyrol quickly explains that he said that he found the detonator during maintenance. He insists, "That puts them on the same trail that we're on, [and] doesn't raise any suspicion of you." He insists that he won't let anything happen to her. Boomer is placated, and gives him another hug. Tyrol tells her not to worry, and Boomer says she'd better go. She and Tyrol leave the tool room.
Boomer walks down a corridor piled with lots of exciting set-dressing. The soundtrack gets all bang-y and faux-industrial, and we move in closer to Boomer before credits roll.
Production card: Eick says, "Get this --" Moore pulls in a Harryhausen-ish King Kong, complete with manacles, who attacks Eick. Oh wow. I think that one's my favorite.