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Now remember, FLICK is in dead last. The only way for them to save themselves is to sell lots of merch (which we know they�re not going to do) or win the battle of the bands. We�ll see.
Okay, so it�s Friday night in Columbus, and Fletcher is on the phone with Angel, his fianc�e. He sounds all depressed, and she knows something�s wrong. He tries to pass it off as being upset about being in last place, which seems to work. Angel has faith that they can win the battle. As do I, but Fletcher doesn�t mention anything about the boffing he was doing the night . Not that I really expect him to, but seriously. It�s gonna be on TV, dude. 'Fess up.
So now we get a random flash of all the tour earnings, which read:
FLICK -- $4051
HARLOW -- $4444
DODES -- $4540
POO -- $4538
Sweet! Not. Don�t care. FLICK�s got their work cut out for them.
Time to visit the CRACK camp. Bob (the new guy that you love to hate) is getting into some stupid argument with the boys. It�s the type of argument where everyone is saying the same thing, but nobody is listening to anyone else, so the argument perpetuates itself. Bob thinks the key is to �sell more merch.� Everyone else is more concerned with the battle, which Bobbo the Clown finds kind of irrelevant. Um, not. I mean, they do need to sell merch to win, but they need to play good music also. They�ve got one down. Bob: �We�re gonna come in last at the battle of the bands.� Famous last words, geek.
HARLOW is planning to go out tonight and sing a song with one of the really popular local bands, and possibly promote a little bit for their battle tomorrow. �We�re a bit worried because the girls are out shopping and in true HARLOW style, we�re running a bit late.� Hmm. Cut to a shot of Chimene and Rayshele trying on clothes at a secondhand store. It�s 8:17 PM. Back to Amanda: �If they don�t get here soon we�re in trouble, because we haven�t done any promotion today.� Oops. Maybe you should make clear to them that clothes shopping is probably not their priority right now. Whatever, it's your band.
DODES just received a call from the owner of The Spot (where they just played) and he wants them to play again tonight. Dodes is amped: �Rock 'n' roll!� Riiiiiggghhhhtttt.
FLICK time. Dominic: Were gonna go over and set up at this kids house. He said there would be over 200 people there. Nice. House party. So FLICK takes off, hoping to sell at least 60 CDs. In the car, Cory thinks they are right near the Hoover Dam," a mistaken impression which VH1, in true Pop-Up Video style, is quick to correct. Apparently, Cory, the Hoover Dam is 2,000 miles away from Columbus. Waps. So anyway, they show up expecting 200 people and find 3. Im not kidding. There are literally three people there. So they make up some story about having a gig that theyre gonna go play and come back when things pick up a little. Not, thats such a lie. Cory: They had their little combo amps set up and their little guitars and they were like, You guys wanna jam with us and stuff? Yeah, dude, well jam with you as soon as were done leaving here and never coming back. Bwa ha ha! Im sorry, but thats actually really funny. FLICK is out. Fletcher gives a thumbs down and a mouth fart. Hey, at least they all got beers.
At The Spot, DODES is warming up the crowd. Come out to the Battle of the Bands tomorrow night and vote for us, 'cause we dont wanna go home. True. They start to play, and I gotta say that Jo Jo is really quite an incredible drummer. Everyone in the band is actually pretty good, but I dont think theyre hitting up the Trustifarian (a.k.a. Credit Card Hippie) demographic enough. If they did, theyd dump all their merch in a day.
At FLICK camp, the band is wondering how theyre gonna stay in this thing. Theyve already resolved that they cant sell enough merch to catch up to everyone else. Cory: Since day one, weve been saying that were the best live band on this thing, so if we lose tomorrow, our entire argument is gone and we deserve to go home. Everyone agrees. Brandin: Were not salesmen. Word -- youre the best rock band ever. Dont let anyone ever tell you different, dude.
Oh, great. Its time to watch SOULCRACKER. I hate them. Theyre the biggest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Their music sucks. They suck. They suck. One more time. Suck.
Anyway, ROBOCRACKHEAD is still arguing about merch and stuff. I cant believe theyre still talking all this shit. They finally get to the Northberg Tavern, where theyre setting up for their umpteenth show in Columbus. I hate that song that starts I-I-I-I, did everything, you asked me too. They never get the damn harmonies right. Its probably because they are not talented. They play about one song and then start harassing people to buy their CDs. Shut the hell up, SOULCRACKER. Stop trying to force people to buy shit that sucks. Damn.
Now theyre at Ledos Lounge, playing yet another crappy set for yet another group of people who, like me, think they suck. But apparently, theyre the only ones who have sold any merch at all.