We're in Chicago, and it's 3:20 AM. FLICKERNOT is apparently entertaining thoughts of kicking Dominic out of the band. Cory is being a jerk; it seems like he wants to kick him out just to cause trouble (remember: it's 3:20 in the morning. These guys are most likely completely slammed). Rex doesn't say anything, surprisingly. Brandin is pissed because he's looking to "win this thing," and he thinks the band is more important than Dominic's inconsiderate tomfoolery. Cory thinks that Brandin will "sacrifice harmony to make this work." Cory, don't be such a broomhead. In order to win, you have to actually have a band. Do you know how hard it is to get a drummer to just learn your songs, let alone want to go on tour with you? On VH1? Ahem.
Anyway, they finally agree that they will kick him out if "there is disrespect again." Cory, you're starting to suck big time. Dominic is most definitely a beast. There's no debate there. But he's your drummer. In your band. You don't have to even hang out with him. So what if he's a dick? He's a sick drummer. Leave it at that. Damn. After all is agreed, Brandin and Cory pour some beer on Dominic's butt-crack while he's sleeping. And these guys are bitching. At least Dominic has the nards to be a dick to you guys while you're awake. .
THE FANTABULOUS DODES 7 are outside the morning, giving every waking soul they see a flyer. Okay.
HARLOW-BOM-BARLOW is, as usual, eating lunch at their hotel instead of promoting themselves in any fashion. All of a sudden some random Phi Sig '86 comes up and asks them to play a song for his friends bachelor party. In a limo. For 500 dollars. One song. Dude, not. Why don't people ever ask me to play them a song for 500 clams? I can totally do it. I do bar/bas mitzvahs, weddings, the occasional rooftop barbecue. If you're interested you can call…oops. Anyway, HARLOW agrees. Rebecca speaks on the HARLOW way: "The 'HARLOW way' is running out the door, one sock up, one sock down, and 'Oops, I forgot my keys, I'm not gonna get there in time,' but somehow we always end up first at the finish line." Whatever, Becky. She bugs me.
SOUL-FAMETRACKER is planning an in-store performance at a local record store. So is FLICKERSTICK. SOULCRACKER is playing at Reckless Records, FLICKERSCHTICK at Hear. SOULCRACKER generates five dollars, and no one seems to pay them any attention (except a four-year-old). FLICKERSTICK's goes fantastically, however, and people actually chant for an encore. I have to say, although I think most of the guys in FLICKERSTICK are kind of jerks, they do sorta rock a little somethin'. SOULCRACKER is good, too, but their energy was shot because they weren't playing for anyone. Looks like FLICKERNOT is actually doing pretty well for themselves. Beastie thanks all four people in the store for "not bringing vegetables to throw." Heh.
Sutton mentions that he thinks JOSH DODES BAND doesn't know the right methods to get people out to their shows. Well, Sutton, you said the same thing about FLICKERSTICK and they just rocked their in-store.
Anyway, cut to CHODES BAND in the CHODES VAN. They've decided to go to the end of the Northwestern football game to promote their show. Yeah, great friggin' idea. I mean, Sutton has no right to talk because he's been doing this shit for eight years and still didn't get a single soul to his in-store, but really. He's right. These guys don't even consider the possibility of there being belligerent, drunk-ass frat boys at this game. "Oh, yeah, college students! They like music!" And beer. And getting on television. And not really caring about your band's gig. Sorry, dude. Harsh reality. Do you know how many flyers I get handed out to me on the street every day? I'd say upwards of thirty. Do you know how many of the events advertised on those flyers I go to? None. Do you know how likely I am to go to one of those events when the flyer has been handed to me while I'm stumbling out of some sporting event? About half as likely as when I get handed flyers on normal occasions. Sorry, DODES. Daryl is really kind of a jerk, by the by. Regardless, DODES's plan falls pretty damn short.
If I ever express any desire to see One Night at McCool's, I give each and every one of you the right to shoot me.
HARLOW is getting amped for their limo gig. Rayshele is playing one of those Dweezil Zappa guitars with the speaker built in. I always wanted one of those. Anyway, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a big bottle of Viagra." Like, ha ha. Not. Shut up, HARLOW. You don't even work and you get these sick gigs. Damn. The Chipsters are appreciative, and hope the song goes to the "top of the charts." Shut up, Fratty McFratfrat.
FLICKERSTICK gets word of the HARLOW limo gig. Brandin calls it gender discrimination. I don't care.
SOULCRACKER plays an unplugged gig at some local coffee house. It sounds pretty good and they make some sales. They seem pretty relieved.
Back to FLICKERSTICK at The Double Door, getting ready for their show. SOULCRACKER shows up to see if they can undercut them and play a quick opener before FLICKERSTICK gets on. Bob says they were "trying to get some of their crowd." Thanks, Bob. Back to you, Mr. S. Cory and Rex bitch about SOULTHWACKER. Something new and different. Brandin: "Well, they didn't get the show. We did." True. True.
Trouble at the DODES camp. Jo Jo is a little peeved because he didn't think the football game was that great an idea. I'm with Jo Jo, but everyone in the band is a little pissed because they don't want to admit that it was, in fact, a pretty sucky plan. They start yelling at Jo Jo for wearing headphones during the post-football-game plan, as if what he had to say would have made any difference. Josh mentions that the band fighting on camera is gonna look bad. Duh.
Various shots of bands preparing. Rebecca: "I'm feeling good about tonight. We're gonna rock the house. Whether we get any people here, that's a different story." Daryl: "It doesn't really matter if there's only five people there, 'cause in the end I play for myself and I play for my bandmates." Whatever, Daryl. That's such a lie. You think you're so smart. Poo on you.
FLICKERSTICK calls a gazillion girls to come to their show. HARLOW finds some way to get people into the tiny basement they're playing in. SOULCRACKER plays a song. DODES plays a song. Oh, yeah, DODES? Vonda Shepard wants her music back. I'm just sayin'.
We're back with HARLOW at their show, and I'm sorry, but they still don't sound very good. I think Rayshele has improved since the pilot, but Amanda's voice just kinda sucks. FLICKERSTICK is rocking, and it looks like they really got a pretty impressive turnout.
After all the performances and merchandise selling, all the bands meet up at the Elbo Room to party and have all the final sales tallied and whatnot. Beastie: "We go to meet up with the other bands, and I get to be entertained by FLICKERSTICK being drunk." Shut up, Beastie. You just wish you were as hardcore as those guys. But you're not. Rex starts to do some routine called "El Dangeroso," where he pretty much just acts like a drunk-ass jerk, doing air kicks and mock karate and screaming a lot. Rex marvs.
Brendan and Katina (who's totally hot, by the way), the tour managers, come out to read the tallies to everyone. And they read as follows:
At the door:
FLICKERSTICK -- $390
HARLOW -- $405
JOSH DODES BAND -- $324
SOULCRACKER -- $165
Merchandise:
FLICKERSTICK -- $731
HARLOW -- $507
JOSH DODES BAND -- $705
SOULCRACKER -- $638
Total tour earnings:
FLICKERSTICK -- $1121
HARLOW -- $1062
JOSH DODES BAND -- $1029
SOULCRACKER -- $803
Ouch, SOULCRACKER. That's gotta hurt. I'm sure Beastie is going to complain. And sure enough: "Those guys are such deliberate drunks. It's not just that they like to get drunk and party, it's that they want everyone to know that they get drunk and party." Shut up, Beastie. You're just jealous -- admit it. You wanna beer, you know you do.
Commercial time. Thank God. Time to find some sharp object to ram into my eye for relief.
Cory: "Rock and roll is about one thing…three things. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll. Period. If you have sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll in your rock'n'roll band, you will win." Cory, you're a freakin' genius. Oh wait, no. Shut up. Rex: "It was a fluke. SOULCRACKER knows it was a fluke. Everybody worked. We didn't work." Rex, for once I agree with you.
SOULCRACKER does, in fact, know it was a fluke. A.P.: "So, apparently, to do this Bands on the Run thing, you have to sleep all day and drink all night to win." Well, yeah. Where have you been? Anyway, SOULCRACKER seems pretty vexed by the whole thing.
HARLOW has taken quite a shine to Adrian from DODES BAND. They're all chilling in HARLOW's van, talking about whether or not Amanda needs some really good cock or some really good pussy. I don't really care which she chooses.
Beastie (in the van): "I'm shell-shocked, you know? We're so much better than those bands." Oh my God. Shut up, Beastie. I'll bet you haven't even listened to them (not that that would change your opinion). Stop being such a sap. You've been doing this for eight years. Maybe you need to change your routine, narbo. "I mean…SOULCRACKER is a really good band." Who are you trying to convince, there, guy?
Hotel. Everybody is drunk and molesting one another. It's established that DODES BAND is boring. Heh. Yeah, they are. Dominic gets naked in front of everyone. Adrian: "I went to sleep to one FLICKERSTICK and woke up to another one!" You should be proud.
We hear FLICKERSTICK's command performance of "Got a Feeling" as we see some scenes from week.
Dominic comments that FLICKERSTICK is definitely the "token alcoholic band" on the tour. Gee, Dom, you think? We get a lovely shot of Cory to a pile of chunder. Gross. SOULCRACKER is feeling the pressure. Amanda used to have a band called FLUFFY. And DODES BAND gets in a car crash (or so we're led to believe).