By Daniel
Clips of Jillian and Reid hula dancing in Maui. Reid is ridiculously awful. Jillian said it was cute because at least he was trying. He looks much like the Humping Robot on Robot Chicken, actually. Then we learn about Kiptyn's charity which is "Stand Up for Kids" and hopefully prepares them for life by giving them all the skills necessary to avoid winding up on a show like The Bachelorette. She says it was remarkably to see how important Kiptyn was to these kids and it made her fall for him a little bit more.
Oh, god, we're going to commercial break and then friggin Jason and Molly are going to be on to tell us how awesome and happy they are, although I assume it's more about trying to make the two of them seem less selfish, and make ABC seem less of a lurid relationship-destroying soulless network. Good luck with that!
First we have to suffer through a brief reminder of the whole mess, which Harrison says it shocked television viewers around the globe. Then Jason and Molly come out, and all the life-needing members of the audience clap. Harrison asks what the immediate aftermath was like. "How much time do you have?" asks Molly. I'd say somewhat less than fifteen minutes, Molly. She talks about how tough it was to be "ripped to shreds" in the tabloids and on the Internet. "It was definitely tough on me," says Molly. Not "us"? Jason says he didn't think there would be such a backlash, but if that was his only chance to be with Molly, he'd do it again. See, but that's the thing. Dumping Melissa on the show like that was not your "only chance" to be with Molly, you moron. You self-absorbed, narcissistic moron. Molly says her family has been amazing, and they have each other, and Jason calls them the "M and M" team, or maybe it was actually the "Eminem" team, but probably not.
We watch some video of Jason asking Molly if he could have her back. Oh, and Molly is a brunette now, presumably so there's less chance of her getting pelted with rocks when she walks down the street. There is much footage of the happy couple fooling around, as if anyone actually gives a shit. I feel ill just watching this. Molly says she's still in Milwaukee, but they get to see each other every other weekend, and "for sure" there's going to be a wedding, although neither of them says there's an actual proposal. And Jason's started up some website that's a resource for single parents or something, and then Jason says they're stronger for having gone through what they've gone through, and Molly says that since Melissa is doing great and she's happy (but notably absent from this little love-in, it's worth pointing out), and the two of them are happy, she's surprised that people are still upset about it. Well, how about you resist the urge to put your phony selves back on television one more time and get on with your lives and plan your "for sure" wedding? "If people had to point their fingers at me and it caused happiness in the end? I'll take the blame," says Jason, self-righteously. What an asshole. Listen, Jason (and this is true of breakups in general): if Melissa is happy now, it's not because you dumped her. It's despite you dumping her (on national television, remember).
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