F@#in' Phuket

S07E04

Back at the house, J.P., Blake, and Ben F. are all talking about Constantine's chances with getting to third on the first date. J.P. is shocked when he starts tallying up how many guys have kissed "his girl." Yes, already. Ashley has kissed everyone and this "chaps his hide." Ben F. sagely points out that he had better get used to it. Back on the beach, Constantine is doing his best to round home and make J.P. uncomfortable. He is explaining to Ashley that this is the "New and Improved" Constantine and he is excited to "be on this journey" with her. Ashley pretends that her date with Constantine has made her feel like she is back on track after her derailment at the Bentley crossing. Then she gives him a rose, but they don't kiss. They talk some more, but still, no kissing. Just when you start to wonder if Constantine bats for the other team, because Ashley puts out... kisses! And if you don't get a kiss from her, you are doing it wrong. Ashley does straddle him, though, but it's just for a piggyback ride.

So I guess the show came to Thailand during the rainy season, because it's pouring rain. This does not stop Ashley from bringing her group date to a local orphanage for a full interior and exterior paint job, landscape design, and toy delivery. Awww, The Bachelorette gives back. The menfolk are all touched by Ashley's open and caring heart (even though we all know it was a producer's idea, right? Get more callous, people!) and are eager to impress her with their own charitable contributions. They all get to work moving bunk beds, painting the walls, directing others to paint the walls, looking cute for Ashley, while reminding her that now isn't a time for flirtation, but to work for THE CHILDREN. Ashley smiles beatifically as the men improve the orphanage and she oversees their good deeds.

Then, lest you think The Bachelorette has gone soft, in the middle of all this charity, the men all start picking on Ryan for being too excited, enthusiastic, and helpful. Yes, it can be annoying when someone points out that you missed a spot, but when that guy then jumps up on a bunk bed and finishes the paint job you botched, just give it up! The men all grouse about how he's bossy and go-getter-ish and "a leader," but when you let loose a solar-energy business owner (read: a well-groomed hippy) loose in an orphanage, what did they think would happen? Also, the show needs drama now that Bentley and the Hamburglar are gone. So, Ryan gets the drama card, for being happy, enthusiastic, and good-natured. At the end of the work day, Ashley lines the men up to be adulated by the children. They present the kids with toys, bikes, and the kids run around the orphanage like it just got Extreme Makeover-ed, when, in fact, it just got painted, which is kind of sad, when you think about it.