Byron lies on his bed like a teenaged girl and writes in his journal. All he needs is a fuzzy pink pen and a marabou-trimmed robe, and he's Elle Woods. Byron voice-overs that he's convinced that the woman he's going to be with forever is in the house. Probably because he's already chosen her. I know it wouldn't be good for ratings, but I wish The Bachelor could just say, "Call off the hunt because I know who I'm going to choose, and let's not put the rest of these ladies through the charade of dating me." Byron interviews that the individual dates help him to "eliminate or grow closer to each of the ladies that [he feels] something for." Byron places his date choice into the poolside box. Although I appreciate that they are trying to shake things up this season, the "no group dates" thing is somewhat weird. Part of the fun of watching group dates is seeing the woman try to compete and cockblock each other.
Anyway, the women rush out to see who will be going on a date, and it's Andrea. Oh, Lord. Don't encourage her. Andrea grins ear to ear as she interviews that she has "very strong emotions" for Byron. Jayne interviews that she's concerned that Byron chose Andrea for his date, because she and Andrea are extremely different, so it's hard to know what Byron is looking for. So he has to date a bunch of clones? I don't get it. It's not like Byron chose the pool of women in the first place, so he has to deal with the hand the producers dealt him, and it's too early in the process for him to get rid of all the loonies.
Jayne sneaks over to Byron's pad and knocks on the door. He lets her in and they lie on the bed, talking. Jayne explains that she's confused about what Byron wants. Byron asks if she's frustrated. Jayne says that she's not into competing. Byron moves closer to her. Jayne complains that Byron is "handsy with certain people," and that it's hard for her to hear about it. Jayne interviews that she's having a hard time not getting jealous about Byron's interactions with the other girls. Byron says that it's difficult for him too, but that he can't imagine Jayne's not being there. Jayne begs for some validation. Man, she's thirty-seven and she's still this insecure? That's no way to go through life. Then again, I guess people who feel great about themselves don't go on reality dating shows. Byron says that he is attracted to Jayne, and that she shouldn't worry. Byron kisses her on the forehead and they snuggle on the bed and make out a little bit. Byron interviews that he and Jayne have "a special bond" (but not a connection?). They kiss some more. I think that unless Jayne bugs out (and I don't just mean her eyes, which are already bugging out), this is her game to lose.
“ I don't think I've ever 'felt a connection' with anyone, including my husband. Unless 'connection' means something dirty that I'm just not getting. In which case, I don't want to know. ”
Byron interviews that he wants to go out with Andrea to find out what makes her tick. I can answer that: the crazy voices in her head. Byron explains that they are going to an airport. Wooo! Airport! Thrilling. Byron walks into the main house and hugs Andrea before they walk out. Andrea interviews that she can tell that she and Byron have "a deep connection" and that he could be her husband. I seriously can't imagine feeling that way about a man I had known for less than a week, and to whom, in that time, I had only talked once or twice. How does that happen? What is wrong with these people?
Byron and Andrea get into a limo. Andrea says that she's going to find her soulmate this year, whether it's Byron or somebody else. I think the whole soulmate thing is a bunch of horseshit, but isn't the idea that the two of you are destined to find each other and destined to be together? So, do you really have to worry that it won't work out with your soulmate? I don't get it. Byron asks if Andrea sees herself with him, and Andrea says that she does. Byron leans over and kisses her. Andrea interviews that she wants more than a kiss on the cheek.
Byron and Andrea arrive at the airport and find a restored B-25 Bomber sitting on the runway. The pilot hands them jumpsuits and they hop in. Inside, Byron says that if they are soulmates, they'll go down together. Yeah. What? Andrea interviews that she felt giddy when they were in the plane, and it was fun. Byron interviews about how great the moment was, and he talks more about the beautiful scenery than about the crazy Andrea.
Back at the house, the women play Truth or Dare. Krysta wants someone to ask a good question. Susie asks, "Who here feels really on the fence and really concerned about possibly not getting a rose?" In other words, who doesn't think they are a sure thing? Lamest question ever. Susie interviews that they decided to talk openly about their feelings for Byron. Tanya says that she doesn't know if she will get a rose, because while she thinks her interactions with Byron have been great, the other women might have had great interactions too. Jayne says, "Yes, because I felt a connection." Yawn. I can't believe Krysta, of all people, doesn't call bullshit on that answer. What does that even mean? I don't think I've ever "felt a connection" with anyone, including my husband. Unless "connection" means something dirty that I'm just not getting. In which case, I don't want to know. It does make the show slightly more interesting if all of these women have felt Byron's connection, if you know what I'm saying. Ew. I just grossed myself out.
Krysta interviews that Jayne is confident, and Krysta is irritated that Jayne spent time with Byron before his date with Andrea. Yeah, because there was so much preventing Krysta from doing the same thing. I wonder if there are rules about when they can and can't visit Byron, because I really expected there to be a parade of women bothering him at all hours of the night. Cheresse says that she knows the other women don't feel bad for her because she had the first date, but she hasn't really talked to Byron since. Yeah, tell that to the many women sitting there who haven't talked to him at all. Like Elizabeth. Or Susie. And now it's time for the portion of the program I like to call "Talking Shit about the Woman Who's Not in the Room." It might be my favorite part of the show. Cheresse says that she's different from Andrea, who apparently likes to clean house and nurture, and Byron seems to dig that. Cheresse interviews that Andrea has let people know that it's her house, and that Byron is her man, and that if that's what Byron wants, Cheresse feels like she shouldn't be there. Cheresse tells the others that she also thinks Andrea would talk about the other women to Byron, which Cheresse vows she would never do. Until her date.
Andrea and Byron deplane and head to the hangar for a romantic dinner. In a hangar. Byron interviews that Andrea has let him know that she's interested, and he feels the same. At dinner, Byron asks if she has any idea when she wants to get married. Andrea says she wanted to be married three years ago. Man, that's just sad. She adds that it's been a lonely year for her. Byron says that it sucks to be alone and wish you could spend moments with people, and he relates a story of his trip to Venice, where he spent the whole time just wishing he had someone to share it with. What a waste. Andrea interviews that after dinner, they went into the library and shared champagne and dessert. She adds that she's falling in love with Byron. They spoon strawberries and whipped cream into each other's mouths. Byron interviews that Andrea is amazing, and that he's into her. Byron leans over and totally attacks Andrea's mouth in the most awkward and least smooth kiss ever. Andrea actually seems to pull away a little bit, so I don't know what's going on there. Either Byron's a bad kisser, or Andrea's not as into him as she claims. Andrea interviews that they are both excited at the chance to finally find something that works. A couple of awkward kisses later, the date ends.
Krysta, Cheresse, and Cynthia discuss how they each want to go on a one-on-one date with Byron. Cheresse says that she knows the other women don't want her to go on the date, and Cynthia "jokes" that she would put crumbs in Cheresse's bed. Seriously? That's the best revenge she can come up with? Sad. Cynthia interviews that it's important to get time with Byron because he doesn't really know her yet. Cheresse points out that it's weird to have feelings for someone you don't even know. Yes! Cheresse! Krysta agrees that it's weird, but neither of them acts on it, or wonders if they are under mind control, or thinks to take the champagne they're being served to a lab for chemical analysis or anything. Cheresse says that she had an ex who was Byron's age who couldn't commit, so she's actually happy that Byron has been married before. Krysta interviews that they still don't know who will go on the date tonight, and that it's the last date before the Rose Ceremony.
Chris calls Byron and the ladies into the living room for a big announcement. He reveals that none of the ladies will be going on the big date tonight. Byron has a look on his face like, "What's that smell? Did I let my dog eat the bean dip again?" Chris says that it will be a mystery date, and hands Byron an envelope with more information. The women are told that they will get a tape with information about the mystery date. Cynthia interviews that they were all pissed off about the mystery date. Byron opens the envelope, and it's just an address. Wow, that's a great clue. Byron says that he doesnt know any more than the women do. Elizabeth interviews that the mystery date could be with someone who already left the house. Wow, that would be a great concept. Let's give one last chance to someone Byron already thoroughly rejected! Actually, I wouldn't put it past the producers, but it would be pretty lame. Cheresse thinks that they will all have to watch Byron on a date with another woman. Byron leaves the house as Cheresse voice-overs that she doesn't want to see Byron with another woman, and she doesn't want any other woman to come to the house.
Byron drives off, and they get in many shots of the product-placed car. Byron voice-overs that he's disappointed that he won't be with any of the women from the house. Byron arrives at a building, and finds a red door with a giant question mark on it. Man, the PAs for this show hate their jobs. How long did it take to build that question mark, for this one shot? Byron walks in to the strains of some mysterious Middle Eastern-sounding music. His mystery date is Princess Jasmine! I don't know. Maybe it's a Disney/ABC synergy thing.
Byron walks into this abandoned warehouse that looks like the set of Reservoir Dogs. When he gets upstairs, there is a bar set up with a barkeeper that Byron does not even greet. Wouldn't you think he might know something and start questioning him? Byron sits down on a couch as the elevator approaches.
Back at the house, Krysta finds the tape outside and runs inside to watch it. The tape reveals that one of the women is Heather from the Aaron season (she's the second Heather on the linked page). The women watch Heather rub up on Aaron, and then get eliminated in the Rose Ceremony and cry. Krysta yells that the bitch is going down. Heather says that she's stronger and wiser now. But wait, there's more! Mary from the Bob season is back too! In a flashback, Mary tells Bob about her biological clock and how it's ticking (I can't link that one because it happened in every episode), and then Bob eliminates her and she cries. The women get a glimpse of their likely futures as each woman is eliminated. Mary says that she wants the fairy-tale ending. The women are psyched that there are only two other women. Krysta interviews that Heather is a "cheerleader pageant girl from Texas" and it's "too much -- too frickin' much." She adds that Mary is like, "Hi! My ovaries! They're drying up. I gotta have a baby tomorrow." And for one second, I kind of like Krysta. She tells the other women that she didn't like Heather and Mary when they were on the show, and she doesn't like them now. Andrea is really upset as she interviews that the other women are obstacles, and she worries that they will get in the way of what she has wanted for a long time. Andrea is about two dates away from taking out all of the other women with a chainsaw and then claiming the crimes were committed by her evil twin. I smell a Lifetime movie!