Romance, Adventure, A Guy in a Shark Suit

S13E08

Team Power finally won a task, and Gary Busey is miraculously still in this. Lisa Rinna thinks Gary's time has come on this show. "We need people that work, not just be funny and a talented actor. It goes way beyond that now," Lisa says. Yeah, I mean, look at these teams. One of these things is not like the other ones. That thing is Gary Busey.

Before this week's task, Trace Adkins goes to visit the American Red Cross on the East Coast and deliver a big check from a company that makes "sun care" products. Curiously, and with very little fanfare, Bret Michaels meets the celebrities with Donald Trump for the introduction of the task. He's on the other side of the presentation this time, not to compete again. He's here to judge... with a vendetta, I hope.

Donald Trump has them meet in Times Square because it's a very special place. Another special place is South Africa, Trump tells the celebrities. A very nice tie-in. The task is to create an "interactive South Africa travel expo" to bring additional tourism to South Africa. The campaign is called "What's Your Big Five?" and will likely incorporate exactly zero of the celebrities' ideas.

Penn and Brande are selected as the project managers. The supervisors of the task are Bret and George. George tells the teams they have a choice of two packages to advertise: romance and adventure. Both teams want the adventure package but a coin toss proves Team Power the victors. The winning project manager gets a measly $20,000 for their charity. South Africa tourism has nothing to contribute.

Back in the planning rooms, Team Power learns that the safari they were so looking forward to promoting is not even available on their "Big Five" list. They are asked to promote golf courses, shark diving, surfing, zip-lining and camping.

"The coolest thing they have, we can't talk about," Trace complains, "it's like a farmer who's got these six daughters and one of them is really hot and five are really ugly. And you just want to see the hot one but he won't let you." Another scintillating country metaphor from Trace.

Trace continues to hate everything, all five "ugly daughters," if you will. He says luxury camping or "glamping" is for sissies who want to go camping. The executives from South Africa mention the safari, the hot daughter, as the one thing everyone knows they will do when they visit. Trace doesn't care if the hot daughter is easy, he just wants to see her.

"I think we might have got the harder thing," Trace tells his teammates, and they agree. But they didn't realize that any task with Gary is the harder thing. For the romance package, Plan B works on selling wine, art, food, dance and spa as their Big Five. This task is pretty straight down the middle. The challenge at Plan B is to sell a "bush massage" without making it sound naughty.

By Carla Sparks

"I've had such a good time in your country making a film," Gary starts out telling the executives. Later, he cuts in with needless questions like "what is luxury?" He also tells them that he was in Johannesburg and heard people being murdered. He repeats himself, just in case they misunderstood, and explains that he heard murders on the streets below so they had to move. The executives look shocked.

Now it's up to the celebrities to figure out how to make an "interactive experience," to give people the feeling of all these things, like a shark cage or ziplining. Trace criticizes Brande in an interview for not having enough creativity or a clear direction. They settle on a B+ idea for a slogan, "You + South Africa = Adventure." Terrible.

"You polish your turd, I'll polish my turd," Trace offers carelessly. Marilu decides on the idea of a brochure handout to keep the crappy experience going long after this celebrity-driven shitshow.

Plan B decides to use some combination of the words "Romance," "Safari," and "Beyond." Gary has an amazing acronym for everything, including Romance: Relying On Magnificent And Necessary Compatible Energy. This is not a good slogan, though.

"Penn doesn't know the depth of my power in autisticness and creativeness and ideas, with no sign of fear or doubt," Gary says. At least I think he said autisticness. He might have said artisticness. It's really just Lisa and Penn working on this team. Lisa asks Gary to call the prop house and he says no. Penn asks him to find the South African drink they want to serve, and he says he doesn't know how. It would take twice as long anyway.

Then, once on the phone, Gary is rude to Lisa, and gives her the hand. Penn says they don't have enough people, because for all intents and purposes they are dealing with a two person team. The task is enormous, even for Brande's fully functioning four-person team. Especially with Trace complaining every step of the way.

Trace may be a whiner, but he does have connections to famous South African golfers. None of these golfers are available, but yes, it would have been cool. Lil Jon tries to remind Brande not to stress too much because does this matter? At all? No, it does not.

By Carla Sparks

Penn uses his connections to get Zulu dancers, plus an African drummer from Paul Simon's Graceland album. They also get a chef to make and talk about South African food. It's coming together very elegantly for Penn's team. Meanwhile, Lil Jon wants to put someone in a shark costume and have them talking crap to whoever steps into the cage in his experience. Luxury!

Going aboard the S.S. Bad Ideas, Marilu agrees that for ziplining, they should have someone in an office chair and push them across the room. Holy moly, this is way too goofy. We're not doing Universal Studios Orlando Resort anymore. Trace just shakes his head and waits to see just how, exactly, his team will go down.

George stops by Plan B to check in on the romance package. Gary confuses George to no end, with something about killing a lion with Zulu spears. George doesn't get it, and Penn remarks that Gary can't be controlled. After Gary tells George about how he heard people being murdered in Johannesburg, George thinks Gary would be more suited to the "adventure" task.

As Brande tries to negotiate the price on some branding materials, Bret walks in to supervise. He's still bitter and also he's still wearing too much pleather. Brande walks Bret through the "adventures," which are incredibly juvenile and boring. Bret thinks the zipline idea is great. But Brande had Bret at "a beautiful woman massaging you," and everything else went in one side of the bandana and out the other.

As Lisa and Penn work hard on graphics, Gary walks around the room, rearranging fake plants, talking and throwing bones from his whole roasted chicken.

On the way to pick up materials for the experience, Lil Jon and Trace agree that Brande gets caught up too much in the little things. This is how men shop, Trace tells us, as he's a regular a cowboy Ron Swanson.

Lisa Rinna is feeling great, having decorated the room and made magic with Penn. She even feels well enough to explain what "cray cray" means to Gary Busey. She and Penn have "an episode," of laughter release, the kind that only happens when you're too tired and frustrated to do anything else.

At Team Power, many horrible props and costumes are coming in. There's a wooden leopard, a "disgusting" looking monkey and a "comedic person" in a shark suit. Oh man, it is awful. It's really like they're making fun of the executives. Trace doesn't know what they have. Is it good? Silly? Inexpensive?

By Carla Sparks

Plan B has a pretty great and classy set-up, unlike the experience at Team Power. The only question is, can Gary ruin all of that for Penn so they can get him off the show? Over at Team Power, where "You + South Africa = Adventure," fifteen travel professionals get wheeled around in an office chair and are harassed by an amateur comedian. At least they had South African tea, charm and a lovely brochure.

The executives put on a brave face at this mockery of their country. And I'm glad their ziplining "experience" was so stupid, because at least we got to see George do it. They all agree that the shark suit is "scary," but in what way?

On to Plan B's expo, which is much more professional and authentic. Penn introduces the expo, Lisa greets people at the wine station and Gary accosts them immediately after. The Zulu dancers get Bret in on the mix, and the level of performance is so epic that Penn compares it to using "multiple atomic bombs on a mosquito." It is also like that, in the sense that this task is relatively trivial to call in so many favors.

In the boardroom, Brande thinks they did an excellent job. She has no complaints and thinks they couldn't have done any better. I disagree, but we are operating on a celebrity scale of celebrating mediocrity and minor accomplishments. Trace says it was challenging, to which Donald Trump responds, "you had to promote South Africa, it's a beautiful country, it shouldn't be that hard."

Then, he interrupts Brande to ask her about golf, specifically, because he knows about golf. He later asks Lil Jon "jokingly" if Brande is a leader or "a stressed out bitch." Wow, what an asshole.

To my surprise, Donald says the executives really liked both teams. They probably liked Plan B's expo, and Team Power's handout. Trump asks Penn about "managing Gary," and he handles it elegantly. Lisa doesn't know what to say, so she lies and says Gary did well. Penn steps in and says that Gary is enthusiastic. Gary notes that the moon represents the power of love a woman carries, and the moon turns into a heart and integrates with your heart and you're sharing culture and nature and love. Everyone blinks slowly. Donald says what Gary just said is very smart, and Marilu and Brande agree with straight faces.

By Carla Sparks

Donald is throwing out a lot of praise for George and their history in this episode. Is George about to get fired? No. George tells Plan B that they brought authenticity and legitimacy to their experience, but didn't offer specific locations or travel information to sell South Africa as a travel destination and didn't name the five specific experiences. Bret tells Team Power that the executives loved the tea and the 5+ experiences offered, but the experiences were "seriously lacking," and it felt like a "juvenile exhibit at an amusement park." So... the winner is Penn's team. Gary Busey survives on this show another week.

Penn, Lisa, and the viewers at home are interested to see who gets fired from this arguably solid team. Gary is in his own world. In the boardroom, Trace blames Brande for being too detail-focused and scattered. Trump asks Bret who should be fired, and he can't get past his desire to get back on a team. Brande says Lil Jon should not be fired, because she feels a sense of loyalty to him.

Trump is focusing on Lil Jon's error of wanting "adventure" instead of "romance," but Lil Jon is really the one responsible for making it childlike and silly. Lil Jon is excused, as Brande doesn't want to change her mind, and against Trace and Marilu she will almost certainly be fired.

After very little discussion, Trump tells Amanda to let Brande, Trace, and Marilu back into the boardroom. Trace admits the slogan is weak, and really what they should have done better was not go with the first ideas anyone threw out. Marilu takes credit for the brochure, and obviously shouldn't be there. Marilu tentatively admits that Lil Jon should be fired. Brande cites the tea as the reason she chose to save Lil Jon, but there she goes again focusing on the details.

Brande agrees that she's with two people who don't deserve to be fired, and then, obviously, she is fired. Brande is severely disappointed that she didn't get any of the money she raised for Promises to Kids in that first challenge. Donald Trump donates $20,000 to her charity as a parting gift, and possibly as an apology for South African Tourism's stinginess. Brande leaves and Donald declares that she can be proud of herself, like she needed his permission.