Last week, the celebrities made ineffective "photo experiences" for Universal Orlando Resort, and while the celebrities failed, the product placement and editing of that episode succeeded in making me want to go to Universal Orlando Resort, so in a way that's a success? I didn't book a trip or anything, and nothing could ever make me want to see Despicable Me, so stop asking, Universal.
Omarosa was Project Manager and had an emotional moment that no one believed. Dee Snider was fired. Coming back into the boardroom, Gary Busey tells "straight shooter" Marilu Henner that he has a supernatural gift of angelic love and all is forgiven. Marilu doesn't seem to understand or accept this particular iteration of an apology, but her boardroom accusation of Gary for being distracting is water under the bridge. She'd better get used to it, because Busey's here to stay.
Before we get to the task, Omarosa delivers a check to the Sue Duncan Children's Center. Sue Duncan mentored Omarosa's late fiancé, Michael Clarke Duncan. Omarosa squeezes out some tears that I believe are genuine, since her fiancé's death was so recent. Maybe her tear ducts just don't work, but that's none of our concern.
Donald Trump meets his celebrities at the Paley Center for Media to announce that this challenge is for Crystal Light. This season, Crystal Light is hocking those insane, water-enhancing flavor drops -- another zero calorie, zero utility innovation that no one asked for. Here in Western Civilization, we have water so freely that we are BORED by it.
Crystal Light invites us to "re-think your drink," and make it more dramatic (again, plain water = boring) by having the celebrities produce five-minute mini-soap operas to occupy themselves while Crystal Light promotes itself for the two hours. The celebrities' "Crystal Light Soap Operas" will be judged on audience reaction, creativity, execution, and brand messaging. To help out, Jack Wagner and Susan Lucci will be lending their faces in soft focus.
It's time to choose the project managers, and Lisa Rinna turns to her team saying, "I know I'm a natural, but we really need a director where I am served best as an actor." On Team Power, La Toya Jackson steps up. On Plan B, Lisa Rinna nominates Stephen Baldwin. Claudia is quickly becoming one of my favorite celebrities for commentary, as she points out Plan B's acting prowess, and her team members' abilities to marry themselves and run in slow motion.
Stephen Baldwin's plan as PM is to be dominant and ruthless. Trace Adkins doesn't look like he likes that, but it's also possible he's sick from the shellfish on the cruise he just came off of.
The Crystal Light executives meet with each team to give them helpful hints like "it's gotta be on-brand," "present the product so people will want to try it," and "zero-calorie flavor customization." Stephen, to help the executives out, paraphrases back to them how to use the product and excuses them. It's about making your depressing water fun and optimistic depending on how bored and depressed your feeling. That's all there is to it.
Over at Team Power, La Toya tasks Lil Jon with being the director, and worries about Dennis Rodman even showing up. Omarosa is offended that La Toya doesn't want her to act, especially after all her acting ability she displayed in the boardroom. She calls being the Stage Manager a "menial task," unlike acting. Omarosa was featured on the cover of Soap Opera Digest, La Toya. So yay Omarosa and boo for making her do anything but be the star she was born to be.
Omarosa suggests a Real Housewives theme to the soap opera, even though none of the Real Housewives are returning for this season of All-Stars. She pushes this idea, and La Toya is simply too quiet too early on in the process. Plus, no one else has ideas. Eventually, Lil Jon has the idea to have the live audience drink Crystal Light any time they hear the dramatic music. Omarosa's terrible idea is overruled.
Over at Plan Busey, Stephen Baldwin is focusing on writing the brand messaging into the script. "How do we incorporate flavor customization into the soap opera script?" he muses. Penn has the great/obvious idea of heightening the drama or intensity of the emotion, just like you heighten the flavor of your water.
Over at Team Over-Powered-by-Omarosa, Omarosa tears La Toya to shreds for not letting her go get props with Claudia and Dennis. It's clear that everyone is already planning for the boardroom, and not for the success of the team. La Toya and Omarosa get into an argument over whom is more disrespectful, which causes La Toya to stand up and raise her voice. Omarosa tells La Toya to look up "good leadership," possibly on the internet. And this drama isn't even happening in the name of Crystal Light.
Out at Lord & Taylor for costumes and props, Omarosa continually calls La Toya for direction on every decision. She will not be held responsible for anything.
Things are running much more agreeably at Plan B: they have separated out three mini scenes to go with the customized drama angle, Trace Adkins thinks Susan Lucci is a goddess, and Gary isn't talking too much or fondling Susan Lucci. She is perfect, though.
Jack Wagner meets Team Power, and deems Crystal Light Drops "really good." Just as they're practicing, Arsenio Hall walks in as a judge for this challenge. I keep forgetting that Arsenio won his season. I also forgot about that free Palms Casino hat that La Toya keeps wearing. Arsenio asks La Toya what she thinks of Omarosa, and La Toya calls her a "conniving witch." This team is already planning to lose. Arsenio's visit at Plan B is very brief.
Omarosa steps away from her team's rehearsal to take care of some personal business (a tabloid about to release the 911 tapes from the night Michael Clarke Duncan passed) and La Toya is ready to target her for that. Because this soap opera is so much more important than real life. The day, Omarosa doesn't show up. Dennis Rodman calls her the saboteur. Everyone enjoys Claudia in the role of the villainess more, and the levity in the room increases palpably, thanks to Crystal Light.
In rehearsal for the other team, Stephen Baldwin is being an over-controlling director and Penn is annoyed. At the tech rehearsal, Stephen tells Marilu not to speak in a way as if she's already made a decision as stage manager. Trace tells Stephen, in the perfect deadpan, "be nice to Marilu or I'm gon' kill you."
In the middle of Team Power's tech rehearsal, Omarosa walks in unannounced, saying she couldn't let down her team. La Toya thinks it's because Omarosa was too afraid and knew the other girls would act better than her. Whatever.
Team Power performs first, and Lil Jon hands out the paper cups of Crystal Light Liquid (not customized) for the less fun version of a drinking game. When the music plays, the executives do not drink from their cups because they have had way too much of that shit.
I think it was a mistake for them to name a character Crystal. The script was funny enough, until it got to the part where La Toya had to promote the flavors and plug Crystal Light Liquid Drops. She was even reading from her hand and called the flavors, "Crystal Light Liquid Mango Passion Lemonade and Crystal Light Strawberry Liquid Lemonade." Oops. Omarosa notes from the wings that the only thing they had to get right was the branding.
I'm curious to know why Lisa Rinna's hair is crazy, over at Plan B. Is it always that way pretty much? On with the performance, for which they also named a character Crystal. The first scene with just a little bit of romance/flavor drops, is comical with Trace Adkins playing a shy computer tech. In the scene, he's from "Cowboy Pool Services," which actually made me laugh. It does sort of seem like a porno, though, until Gary Busey walked in and everyone was enchanted. The use of Susan Lucci wasn't clearly communicated, or nearly enough, but overall I think this team clearly won.
On brand, the Crystal Light executives are upbeat and optimistic with their feedback for the two teams. Lots of smiling and keeping it light, never overbearing. They surprisingly didn't like that Stephen's team only focused on one of their two assigned flavors. But they loved Trace Adkins.
In the boardroom, La Toya thinks everyone did well and names Claudia and Brande as the stars. She names Omarosa as "absolutely not one of the stars." La Toya tries to explain how difficult and distracting Omarosa was during the task, to which Omarosa responds, "I'm a leader."
The focus shifts to Stephen's team, and how the executives didn't like how they only focused on one flavor. Stephen and Marilu identify Gary Busey as the weakest player, and Trace agrees. I'd say Stephen is the worst, though. Gary raises his hand to say that he did everything he was asked. Lisa Rinna agrees that Gary is basically a useless team member, as adorable as he is.
After going over the team's successes and failures (we use the term "successes" relatively here), Arsenio asks Omarosa why she wasn't up on stage because he wanted to see her there. Omarosa breaks down into tears, saying she will never choose Apprentice over Michael. La Toya looks like she's not buying it. She gets into a fight with Arsenio, and Claudia and Brande whisper that they should bring up that it's maybe too soon for her to be in the game.
In the end, Stephen's team wins, despite only using one of the flavors and under-utilizing Susan Lucci. Donald Trump suggests maybe La Toya's team lost because Omarosa wasn't there the whole time. I don't think that's why. Anyway, Stephen Baldwin won $50,000 for his mom's Breast Cancer Research Fund, and Gary Busey cries in the green room because everyone tore him down.
In the boardroom, Donald Trump asks Dennis Rodman about his tattoos and Lil Jon about his grill. Lisa, from the green room, acknowledges that this is an offensive waste of time like when he asked her about her lips in the first episode.
Omarosa owns the boardroom, though. She redirects the conversation away from her absence, and toward La Toya's "critical error" in brand integration. Ivanka points out, though, that the brand was understood, just used more as a prop in the soap opera rather than something that drove the plot somehow. Omarosa is even better at changing the subject and redirecting than Donald Trump. She's going to cut her team out one by one.
La Toya, who is used to asking for things and Donald agreeing for the sake of good TV, asks to fire someone from her team as Project Manager. Donald denies her immediately. La Toya admits to calling Omarosa a witch, which is hardly even an insult anymore. La Toya chooses Brande and Dennis to come back into the boardroom, and Ivanka is so shocked he drops her pen. Everyone demands an explanation. I think I get it: Donald Trump won't fire Omarosa and she's a force to be reckoned with in the boardroom.
La Toya explains that Omarosa is full of lies, and Brande and Dennis ... didn't work as hard? I don't know. La Toya is out of here. And perhaps it's best for her to get out of this Kobayashi Maru.
Donald Trump claims he might have fired Omarosa and wasn't buying her tear-less show of emotion, and La Toya looks surprised by this. La Toya should be fired, just for being so stupid and aggravating her team. Arsenio earned his weight as a judge and advisor this week, though. After saying that Celebrity Apprentice is "beyond a show" now, and claiming that Omarosa "probably would have been fired" had La Toya brought her back, Donald Trump fires La Toya.