In Fair Verano, Where We Lay Our Scene

S12E04

Previously: The ladies of Forte secured their first win when the Celeb-pprenti designed a living window display for Ivanka's clothing line at Lord & Taylor. While Lou Ferrigno and Aubrey O'Day's forceful personalities came to the fore, it was clear George Takei was too passive a leader, and he was fired.

In Forte's suite, all the celebrities toast to the ladies' victory. Dayana Mendoza is proud to be the first victorious Project Manager and thinks it's a sign the ladies have finally figured out how to work with each other as a group instead of as several different personalities that happen to be doing the same task. With Debbie Gibson and Aubrey still completing, we'll see how long that lasts... Lou and Arsenio Hall return arm-in-arm from the boardroom. It's a bittersweet moment because they're genuinely sad to see George go. So sad, in fact, that Arsenio compares it to a death, and Lou actually sheds a few tears. Rein it in, fellas! I know George is a gentle, lovely old coot (and a fairly terrible leader in this context), but he didn't actually die. Lisa Lampanelli leans in to give Lou and consoling hug as Debbie says, "Ohhhh, Lou." Adam Carolla says sadly, "Oh, Arsenio!" -- as he hugs Dayana... because when else is going to get to get handsy with Miss Universe? It breaks up the sobfest, and Arsenio says, "Thank God for comedy!"

Lou turns the conversation to moving forward. He vows to continue to fight for himself. Dee Snider acknowledges that the Trumps only know what they see in the boardroom and says Lou's passion in the boardroom is greater than his value as a team member. Dee thinks the wrong man was fired and says it's only a matter of time until the teammates stop covering for Lou. Credits.

The morning, Dayana delivers the $20,000 winnings from her task to the good folks at The Latino Commission on AIDS. One of the men at the center shares a heartbreaking story about being alone in the world after losing his family, then losing his entire community to AIDS. Dayana tears up as she gives him a hug and discusses how important it is to raise HIV/AIDS awareness among Latinos.

The teams meet three of the Trumps and representatives from Buick and Leo Burnett ad agency at Grand Army Plaza on Central Park South. This week, teams must prepare a ten-minute presentation presenting the Buick Verano to a live audience and Buick's Twitter followers. After the presentation, the audience will have ten minutes to ask the celebs questions about the product. The teams will be judged about how informative and entertaining their presentations are, and they must highlight four of the car's key features. Trump opens the floor to questions. Adam raises his hand, not with a question but a confession: "I lost my virginity in a Regal." The execs laugh uncomfortably as that hangs in the air, and Don snarks, "Last weekend, right?" Adam comes back, "Two weeks ago, hot shot!"

When it comes time to pick the PMs, Trump notes that Michael Andretti is an obvious choice since he's a car guy (though last I checked racers don't zoom around the track in dependable four-door sedans). As you might expect, Michael is not touching the role of PM with a ten-foot pole. He just signed on for this show and is lying as low as possible. He quickly shifts the responsibility to Adam, who agrees because he himself is a motorhead who races vintage cars and hosts a car show on the SPEED channel. Debbie takes the title of PM for the ladies and plans to lean heavily on her performing experience. The winning team will get $50,000 total. Debbie is competing for Children International, while Adam hopes to win the money for Catholic Big Brothers. Gentleman and ladies, start your engines!

Forte. As the ladies begin brainstorming, Aubrey is of course vocal about her ideas. Debbie think she's got a "listening" face on, but it's really a "Shut it, slutty Ginger from Gilligan's Island. I'm the star!" She interviews that Aubrey can be overbearing. For her part, Aubrey believe she's indispensable. The judges from Buick and Leo Burnett visit to explain the key features of the car: 1) Intellilink, 2) "recording-studio quiet," 3) efficient use of space, 4) safety from more than ten airbags. The Buick rep says that car offers "a more thoughtful take on luxury." Where do executives come up with this stuff? The execs set up a test drive for the ladies later that morning. Aubrey thinks Forte will win the task by focusing on the heart of the car with a tear jerking presentation.

Unanimous. The guys continue to push Michael to take a central role in the presentation since he's built a reputation in an industry all about cars. Adam offers to take the lead on the Q&A session because of his extensive car knowledge. The execs stop by to talk about the Verano's "thoughtful design." Adam snarks that "thoughtful is your fat coworker who brings you a card on your birthday and orders you one of those Edible Arrangeables [sic]" -- not a car. When Adam addresses the issue of tone, the execs tell him "this isn't a beer commercial." Arsenio is understandably concerned that Adam's instinct to go for comedy might actually work against him as PM. Adam makes a crack about Tiger Woods (Buick's former spokesman) and is met with dead eyes and silence. Clay Aiken echoes Arsenio that Adam is going to need to tone it down to please the judges on this task.

By Lady Lola

The execs leave, and the guys get to brainstorming. Lou offers to do his Hulk shtick, which Adam deems a little campy and Michael literally laughs at. Dee tells Lou, "You've been saying that you're capable of doing more. I think it's time to show you can do more." Michael says Lou is only concerned about himself, which is pretty ironic since that's the same accusation that Lou levels against Adam.

Forte has settled on Lisa's concept of using their presentation to simulate a try-out for a new Buick spokesperson. Four of the women will each take one of the Verano's key features and "audition" by reading material relating to that concept. Not unlike Adam on Unanimous, Debbie has trouble reining in the ladies who don't have fully formed ideas or whose concepts are too far afield of the task.

Unanimous. Adam, Paul Teutul Sr. and Michael have gone for the test drive, leaving the others back to finalize their concept. Panic begins to set in as Arsenio worries they have nothing. They call Adam, who suggests the guys "heckle" him on stage with questions about the features of the car. Penn Jillette fears this won't jive with Buick's classy reputation. Despite protests from all his teammates, Adam makes the final call, and the guys are left to execute a concept they don't support.

As Forte travels, Aubrey gets all kinds of grade school on us, explaining that Debbie has cherry-picked the teammates she wants in her "cool van" and put the others (Dayana, Tia Carrere and Teresa Giudice) in the other van. The "uncool van" contingent is very aware that Debbie is icing them out and make a phone call to make sure they're included in solidifying the concept. Debbie blows them off because she doesn't a concept fleshed out, but Tia doesn't tell her, "That's exactly why we're calling you -- so we can be part of the fleshing out." Instead, they just wait to be bossed around and presumably start their own brainstorm session about how to throw Debbie under the bus.

Unanimous. Adam, Paul and Michael return to the war room where the others continue to express doubts about his heckling concept. Over in Forte's war room, they discuss how to spell out their theme, "Love Your Reflection." There may be mirrors, but there will also be personal stories about how Buick has changed characters' lives. Tia chips in something she wrote, and Debbie immediately dismisses it, saying, "This isn't really where we're going... you weren't in our van." Tia's all, "Exactly!" and decries Debbie's condescension. Don Jr. visits, and Debbie is candid that the women are going to get into trouble if they don't stop wasting time, and that they better get cracking on getting a script written for the presentation. Meanwhile, Ivanka visits the guys of Unanimous. She again questions Michael's reluctance to step up as PM. He tries to explain himself, but like Adam she doesn't care to hear his reasoning. Michael begins to worry.

The guys head to the presentation space to rehearse, which even includes 6'7" Penn squeezing into the trunk of the car. Adam sidelines Lou by making him the "security" guy who will pull out the "hecklers." Lou of course thinks he's being underutilized. Also underutilized? Michael. Penn worries that Michael is only speaking for about 30 seconds of the 20-minute presentation.

With 12 hours to go, the ladies also begin rehearsing. Dayana is unclear how the presentation is going to pull together and thinks Debbie isn't giving her enough to do. Aubrey has reservations with all the gimmicks, especially Debbie's decision to sing that famous Buick jingle "Shake Your Love." For the record, Aubrey was a Tiffany fan, thank you very much. She voices her opinion, but Debbie is too tired to reinvent the wheel at this point and insists the tone will somehow magically take shape the day. Debbie admits she's overwhelmed and is stressed about memorizing all the facts for the Q&A. She hopes her team can pull this one out of a hat.

The day, Forte begins its presentation. Debbie shows off the Intellilink technology, and loud Lisa emphasizes the car's quiet environment. The executives are laughing, and everyone seems to be having a good time. Then Aubrey takes the stage to talk about safety and tears up as she tells the story of her mom's car accident that could have been avoided with the Verano's ten airbags. Mood killer! Not only is the story an absolute lie, Aubrey admits, but she also calls the car the "Verona" twice during her spiel. Oof! Of course she thinks she's an all-star and calls the audience members her "disciples." Teresa rounds out the presentation, which is kind of like putting your weakest swimmer on the anchor leg of a relay race. Teresa's husband Juicy Joe and her daughters have a small part in the suitcase to show how spacious the Verano is. Inexplicably (but awesomely), they also incorporate Tyson the Skateboarding Bulldog.

By Lady Lola

Q&A time. The ladies biff the very first question about the Verano's safety rating. Tia tries to cover, but it's super-awkward. They recover with questions about the sound system and an obvious plant about which features "reflect" them most. With time for one more question and plenty of hands raised, Teresa insists on asking, "Does it come in hot pink and leopard?" Crickets. Debbie's all, "Okay, then... That's all, folks!" The execs think the presentation was fun, and Debbie is positive Forte's creativity and heart will lead them to victory.

Time to get Unanimous! Or not, since Dee admits no one is on board with Adam's choices as PM. Adam is on stage for about 30 seconds before he loses his cool and admits how nervous he is. He recovers pretty quickly, telling the audience he's flustered because the Verano "is that spectacular" then rattling of an impressive list of features that gets the attention of the execs. Michael takes the stage and is predictably stiff and uncharismatic, but Dee doesn't think the audience will hold it against him. Michael says his two lines and leaves. Thus beginneth the heckling portion of the evening. Seeing the audience reaction, Clay thinks their gamble may have paid off -- especially when Penn jumps in the trunk. He goes for the obvious joke that it's surprising life has led him to the trunk of a car in New York City -- after Victoria Gotti left the show. Paul has a whole bit where he just says over and over again to Adam, "You suck!" The audience definitely does not get the joke -- maybe because Paul is a scary, handlebar mustachioed biker with massive biceps? It would have been funnier to have Clay or George (bless his fired soul) says this kind of thing because you wouldn't get the impression that either of them could or would beat the crap out of Adam. So, no matter how committed Paul is to his part, it's a dead end. Lou bounces Paul out, and the executive from Leo Burnett practically tugs at his collar it's so uncomfortable.

Boardroom. Debbie admits she's nervous but thinks her team connected to the product and brought a lot of heart. Trump asks Lisa how Debbie was as a PM. Lisa's lukewarm response tells Trump Lisa has reservations. Lisa admits Debbie was stronger at creativity than organization and was often frazzled. Debbie justifies that she and her team were all out of their comfort zone. Trump wonders who is uncomfortable being on the show. Adam admits this wouldn't be anybody's idea of comfort: "I'm comfortable drinking rum out of a coconut somewhere." Trump says Arsenio looks comfortable and fetching with his shorn head. He jokes that he might even shave his head one day. No, Trump! Think of the children! And all the jokes that will never be born!

Trump reiterates his surprise that Michael didn't served as PM even after Trump basically volunteered him for the task. In(dy)subordination! Michael insists Adam was better suited to the task, and Ivanka wonders what task Michael could possibly suit Michael better. Adam compares this task to fantasy football, saying he's the stat-loving nerd who knows more about the game than the jock (Michael), which is why Michael was smart to defer to Adam's expertise. Michael's all, "What he said boss."

Trump moves to Lou, who spouts his resume yet again. Don Jr. picks up that Lou is implying he is marginalized, and Lou confirms this suspicion. Adam defends his choice to relegate Lou to a non-speaking role because of Lou's speech impairment. Oh shit, that is not going to fly. Adam surprisingly doesn't get raked over the coals, though Trump does say Adam should have used Lou more. Then he jokes, "By the way, I didn't understand a word [Lou] just said." Hey there, duck 'do, this room isn't big enough room for three comedians! Lay off.

What did Penn do? He saucily says his three main contributions were disagreeing with Adam, getting outranked and squishing into the trunk of a car. Yikes. Those are harsh words. The loser hasn't even been announced yet, but Penn has come out swinging. He admits that the humor wasn't witty, i.e. corporate-appropriate boring comedy, which could lose the task for them. Dee confirms Penn's feelings. Trump asks Adam how he thought the guys did (great) and who will be returning to the boardroom with him in case they lost (no one). He is certain they will not lose. Trump: "That's a big statement."

Trump tells them this judgment was a toughie, then asks Teresa how Debbie was as a PM. Teresa admits she felt pushed aside. Debbie insists she listened to everyone but relied mainly on Aubrey and Lisa because they're the quickest on their feet idea-wise. Did Aubrey find Debbie decisive? In a word, no. Debbie, she says, "was good -- not great." Trump tells Tia she's been flying under the radar, and Tia yammers about her circumspect approach to the game until Trump gets bored and asks Debbie who she'll bring to the boardroom. Debbie says she doesn't think Tia or Teresa have shown what they can do.

Trump particularly agrees that Teresa hasn't shown her full potential. Debbie says she hesitates, and Ivanka notes how Teresa's behavior on this show doesn't jive with her brash persona from Real Housewives. Teresa disagrees with these assessments but refuses to defend herself until she is forced to. Adam grows weary of her diffidence and says, "Let me cut to the chase, just flip the boardroom table over so we can move on here, please. Can't you see where this is heading?" Teresa gets a little more fired up at this point, insisting her participation has been critical in driving forward most of the first few tasks. Debbie tells her everyone's participation has been critical. Sit down, table-flipper.

Trump moves to Tia, who had no delusions about Debbie's feelings toward her. She thinks Debbie set it up to marginalize her and Teresa and didn't entertain her ideas because she was busy favoring the other girls. Debbie gives a clear, calm justification why she didn't incorporate Tia's idea. Trump asks Tia how she felt Debbie was as a PM. Tia calls Debbie "off-putting," "dismissive," "condescending." Teresa agrees. Trump suspects Debbie doesn't respect her teammates. Debbie stifles a chuckle and shrugs her shoulders, like, "May I don't... and maybe I don't!"

Time for the executive feedback. Don Jr. says they liked Forte's "THOUGHTFUL" banner, Lisa's humor and Aubrey's passion. They didn't think the branding was strong enough, nor Tia's role and they didn't fully grasp the "reflection" theme. That's without mentioning Aubrey's name screw-up. Trump deems that a fireable offense. Lisa says Aubrey got it right three times. Yeah, 60 percent is still a failing rate. And probably Aubrey's high school GPA. Arsenio kicks in, "We could never say 'Donald Tramp!'" That should totally be a contestant on season of RuPaul's Drag Race. Or maybe a roller derby alter ego. Debbie insists the theme was spelled out pretty clearly, but even Teresa doesn't seem to get the concept, which troubles Don Jr.

On to the men, Adam claims he's positively tumescent. (That makes two inappropriate erection references tonight -- three if you count Adam's virginity story. Thanks, pervs.) Trump is all, "Huh?" Adam snarks, "It's a big word, look it up when you get home." I'm surprised he didn't get fired right then. I'm sure there are plenty of words stashed away in Trump's blonde bouffant. He brushes off Adam's sass and turns to Ivanka. The execs commended Adam's stage presence, his command of the car specs, and the overall Q&A portion. They didn't care for Michael's reserved personality. He seems to start criticizing Adam for cutting him off when what does Adam do? Cut him off! "The guy's not Al Jolson, he's a race car driver!" Well there you go. Ivanka adds that Buick's voice and the other teammates (besides Penn in the trunk) got lost in Adam's shtick. The lack of community on the team showed in the presentation, she concludes. Trump asks for any closing thoughts from the celeb-pprenti. Penn and Arsenio both think Adam could very well become Buick's spokesperson. Trump says that's unlikely because the men lost. Adam is speechless, and Debbie is brought to tears that she can give the $50,000 prize to Children's International.

By Lady Lola

Trump wonders who would Arsenio would fire? He leads with his love for Lou but says the team is having a hard time placing him. Trump thinks hard work should win out and blames everyone else for failing to recognize Lou's ability. He tells Lou to take on PM week to prove himself, and Lou accepts.

Adam jumps in to say that each player has earned his reputation over the last four tasks, so if Lou isn't considered a strong, versatile team member, that's on him. After that, Dee calls Lou the weakest player but argues that Adam should be fired because he was the show, and it has to be all or nothing in this case. Trump asks who Michael would fire. Michael says Lou because he doesn't bring any business skills to the table. Trump finally cottons on to the fact that Lou is full of complaints but low on solutions. Michael calls out Lou for saving all his firepower for the boardroom and essentially snaking his teammates when it's judgment time.

Trump tells Adam to pick two teammates to return to the boardroom, but Adam refuses. Trump tells all the guys to go outside and warns them he's going to fire two people tonight instead of one: "You didn't give me a choice." In the waiting room, Penn notes that Trump is retaliating for Adam's rebellion by ruling with an iron fist, adding, "A lesson has been taught." The guys also hash out their anger with Lou for turning on them in the boardroom. They call him two-faced and accuse him of being a one-trick pony who can only flex his muscles. Penn urges him to offer something different time around, and Clay tells him his learning curve is over.

Back in the boardroom, Don Jr. admits his surprise at the double elimination, and Ivanka notes that Unanimous's weak links are finally emerging. With that, Trump calls the team back in. Amanda interrupts their angry caucus to send them to her their fates. Trump wonders why Adam didn't just play by the rules and bring two people back. He could understand not bringing Arsenio or Penn back, but Michael and Lou seemed obvious choices. Adam insists he was responsible. Trump understands and fires Adam anyway for his piss-poor survival instinct (at least that's what I'm pawning it off to). Adam is at peace with the decision.

Boardroom. It's down to Lou and Michael. Trump says the team unanimously named him the weakest link, which is patently untrue. Michael's all, "Wait, what now?" Except it's more like, "W--" because Trump keeps talking over him. And Michael lets him. Much like George, I'm sure there are many areas of life in which Michael would not be classified as meek, but a reality TV competition is not one of them. Michael continues to affirm the obvious point that he's a driver, not a car salesman or a performer. It's such an obvious basic point that Trump absolutely refuses to hear. Arsenio finally says out loud that Trump felt snubbed because Michael ignored his wishes. Michael's all, "I didn't know we weren't allowed to have feelings here, sorry."

By Lady Lola

What does Clay think? That Michael did the best he could, serving as the "expert." Don Jr. says that wasn't enough and that Michael should have been more strategic by stepping up in the one instance that a task fit his experience this well. Adam, he says, has more versatility and could plug himself into a variety of tasks. This was the for Michael, and he punked out. At this point, it's quite obvious that they designed this challenge specifically for an Andretti and are insulted that he messed up their planning. They walked into this boardroom today dead set on firing him. Sorry, Michael. Thanks for playing (sort of).

By Lady Lola

As the foregone conclusion nears, Michael can only smile and realize what bullshit this is. So, despite everybody telling Trump to fire Lou, he commends Lou's team-screwing eagerness and fires Michael for standing up for himself and being a team player. Of all the eliminations thus far, this is the crappiest elimination because Trump fired two valuable team players for not being his passive drones and essentially rewarded Lou for being a self-centered loose cannon. To be fair, Michael probably doesn't care, and he was so under-the-radar that he probably would have been fired soon enough anyway. Michael actually thanks the doorman in his pre-taped walk to the Limousine of Shame, which I don't think the Apprenti (celebrity or not) usually do. All in all, he's just a good guy, so you can understand his exit interview feeling that it's a whole lot of hooey for him to be fired when he did absolutely nothing wrong. Alas, this is Trump's world, and we're just living in it.