Previously: During a mobile TV ad task, Brandy felt sidelined by her male colleagues on Octane. Fortitude's Stephanie sidelined radar under-flyer Liza, and paid the price, though Trump warned Liza to step it up.
We join Octane as they gloat over their task winning threepeat. Brandy acts all cheerleader ditzy to the guys' faces while interviewing that she thinks they're each trying to score the role of Alpha male as they engage in a never-ending dick-measuring contest. Clint's measurement drops significantly when he doesn't know how to pronounce Cristal ("chris-tall" not "crystal") and admits that he's a "hick from the sticks." Steuart thinks he lacks a certain amount of cosmopolitan savvy that is essential for a businessman.
The boys and Brandy welcome Liza into the Final Four. She says the only way she's going to prove herself to Trump is to follow his advice and step up at Project Manager in the task. Apropos of that, Trump joins the F4 in the Apprenti Suite to break up the teams for the last time. It's men versus women in a profit-oriented task at QVC. Clint takes the helm for Octane, and Liza offers herself as PM for Fortitude. Brandy recognizes that Liza is experienced in the boardroom and warns that, if they lose, the claws will come out. Trump tells them he will be advised by headhunters Juan Betancourt and Catherine Roman. The teams bid each other goodbye as Clint obnoxiously claims that he and Steuart will be the final two . Credits.
Steuart claims his reward, a meeting with Cathie Black, Chairwoman of Hearst Magazines. Cathie is impressed with Steuart's entrepreneurial spirit, especially in this economy. She warns him to keep his overheard low and to be better instead of bigger. Now, as a freelance journalist, I could make you suffer through hours of vindictive rants about the ideas of "overhead" and what exactly constitutes "better" these days. (Hint: It starts with a "ch" and rhymes with "leaper.") But I shan't. So it's on to the show...
The teams fly by helicopter to QVC headquarters. Steuart tells Clint he's just like his dad, which Clint considers a Freudian slip. Even though it is patently not, Clint explains that he's somewhat offended because "he's the tall hog at this trough" and that he'll have to root Steuart out because young Steu just isn't mature enough to be The Apprentice. They get to strategizing while the girls have a quiet ride, which worries Brandy.
The girls meet QVC's David Miller and pick their products. Clint emphasizes that the task if not about quantity, but about profit margin. The choices are an Isaac Mizrahi bag, a reversible belt, a mother of pearl watch with a crocodile wrist band, and a printed scarf. Ratcheting up the pressure, the advisors arrive during the selection period. Octane decides to fake out Fortitude by pretending they want the watch, even though they really want the purse. The ladies of Fortitude instinctively zero in on selling either the watch or the belt. Brandy leaves it to Liza to decide, which Juan Betancourt thinks is her way of being manipulative and essentially blameless when and if they lose. In addition to the product, the teams can negotiate the time slot in which they sell their product. The guys decide to continue their fake-out by offering to give the girls first pick on the product if they give up first pick on time slot. They figure selling later in the evening will be more valuable than what they sell.
The teams meet, and the guys carry out their plan. Stewart laughs as Liza takes the watch and relinquishes the later time slot for selling. The guys tell the QVC suits they want the purse, and Brandy immediately realizes they've been duped. Catherine Roman cottons on to Clint's successful strategy, though Brandy wonder how successful Clint will be in up-selling the purse since it's already priced high ($109) to begin with. They decide to sell their watch, which QVC said should sell for at least $30.56, at a price point of $69.50. In layman's terms, that means that, if the guys of Octane price their bag at $200, the ladies will have to sell three watches for every bag. The ladies decide they're willing to gamble on it a.) because they have no choice and b.) because the guys will have a harder time selling something at such a high price point.
Octane. Clint jizzes all over the versatility of the purse while Steuart tries to establish a price point. Eventually Steuart can't help but laugh at how jazzed Clint is about the purse, which only confirms Clint's ideas that Steuart is just a little brother figure. After some debate, the guys decide to price the bag at $194.97 or three installments of $64.99. As Clint sniffs and fondles the bag, QVC host Gabrielle comes in to meet them and ascertain who will be guest host versus who will be the director of the show. Clint thinks Steuart is a pretty boy and makes an innuendo about his "Isaac Mizrahi pink tie." Steuart affirms his ambiguously gay aesthetic and decides he'll be the on-air personality. And then Steuart makes an off-color comment about fingering the bag. As he dissolves into giggles, Clint grows impatient, and it looks like the guys' approach may not be as foolproof as you might hope.
Fortitude. The ladies meet with on-air host Albany and decide that Brandy should be in front of the camera because the demographic is 85% Caucasian. Brandy thinks it's ridiculous and that Liza is shying away from responsibility, but I think it's an absolutely fair point. With about five minutes to go, Liza heads into the control room to learn the ropes as Brandy and Albany rehearse. With so little time, Liza gets obsessed with the location of some signage, which Brandy deems silly and a waste of time.
As the ladies go to air, Trump joins Isaac Mizrahi in a viewing room. Regardless of a rather fake start, Brandy is pretty amazing at taking an endless stream of rapid fire verbal cues from Liza. That is, until she decides to completely ignore Liza and fouls up the cue to end the segment. It ends abruptly, and Liza worries that they didn't do as well at selling the watch as they could have.
up is Octane, selling the handbag. Clint has complete confidence in Steuart and gives him a few bullet points as he goes, which is a stark contrast to the frenzy of direction happening with Fortitude. Isaac Mizrahi is impressed with their delivery but a little concerned with the price point. As the segment goes on, Steuart also decides to ignore some of Clint's verbal cues, including "cavernous" and "snuggly." Snarks Steuart, "I mean, we might as well have said 'moist.'" Amazingly, he does call it a "sassy satchel for a woman on the go." The guys end the segment cleanly and are completely secure in their performance.
After the presentations, Isaac Mizrahi tells him that Brandy is a natural but worries that she underpriced the watch. On the other hand, he worries the price point on the handbag may have been too high.
Boardroom. Trump turns to the girls first. They both agree they did a brilliant job. Trump asks why Liza decided to produce rather than going on air. Liza, the only non-white competitor still standing, explains that, considering the demographics (85% Caucasian women viewers), Brandy was a better fit for the shoppers. Trump makes it about discrimination and questions whether Liza would have done as well. Liza insists she would have but says she made an "informed decision" based on research. Trump asks Brandy if she thinks Liza would have done an equally good job. She says they both would have done well. Trump keeps going on and on about it, as if he's completely unaware of this thing called race. It's kind of ridiculous and kind of sad and maybe a little telling that they have nothing else to complain about at this juncture in the game. Regardless, Brandy says she's just being honest that this is how marketing works. And yet, because of Trump's refusal to drop it, she also kind of looks like she's about to cry. Which just makes it even worse because as Trump is all, "Wow, this racism really sucks!" he's trying to turn it on her, like, "Why are you bringing this up?" As if it's only an issue because she factored it in. He's simultaneously telling her to ignore it while talking her ear off about it. It's a shitty position to be in, is all I'm saying.
The guys tip-toe around the topic, hoping Trump will move on, and eventually he does. They think they definitely won, and Clint says he considered every step they took carefully. Catherine Roman asks what the guys' strategy was. Steuart asks if he can take it, and Clint concedes. Steuart proceeds to be about as snaky and gross as possible, saying (and I'm not paraphrasing) that their entire strategy was to dupe the girls. Clint tries to recover, explaining that they liked the purse because his own wife has at least 20. Trump asks, "I thought you were doing poorly." Ha! Clint glosses that they're selling the purses as they need the money. Clint says that purses tend to be marked up 100%, so they thought that, in combination with the time slot, would make their purse a top seller.
Trump asks how they ran the presentation. Clint explains they worked it out so he would feed keywords to Steuart. Trumps asks what key words, so Clint starts in on the "supple" and "cavernous." Steuart can't hold in the giggles, and even Brandy is, like, "Cavernous?!" Clint really thinks he was on to something with the word "snuggle," but Steuart admits he had a hard time not laughing on air. Catherine Roman joins in on the hysterics. Of course Trump likes these grandiose, theatrical terms. Trump moves on to the ladies. They also think they won and don't agree with the guys' theory that purses are an impulse buy. Trump congratulates them, but reminds them it's all about the money.
Trump turns to the advisors for the results. Juan Betancourt says the women sold 77 watches for a profit of $2,998.38. Catherine Roman reports that the men sold 25 handbags for a profit of $2,174.25. Says Trump, "In other words, you got your ass kicked." Brandy and Liza immediately start rejoicing, but Trump tells them not to be so happy because two people will get the ax tonight. He dismisses the ladies to the lobby so he can make his decision.
The men remain, certain that one of them will be fired. Trump asks Clint why he shouldn't fire him. Clint tells him he's a CEO and a renaissance man. Steuart argues that he, too, is a tried-and-tested CEO and that he can do anything. Trump asks Steuart why he shouldn't hire Clint. Steuart thinks Clint isn't metropolitan enough, which seems to be of little concern to Trump. Steuart takes the very same stance that Juan Betancourt pinpointed earlier, saying that an underling is likely to manipulate by placing all blame on a PM. Clint argues that he actually fought for a lower price point than Steuart, which earned more sales in the end. Catherine Roman equates their price point to selling a six-pack of beer for $40. Trump rubs it in their faces, saying they needed to sell only 10 more purses to win. He thinks that fault lies in Steuart's court.
Trump asks Juan Betancourt for his input. He says, from a headhunter's perspective. Steuart would fit into a corporate environment better than Clint. Clint says he, as a 40-year-old, has more experience than 27-year-old Steuart. He brings up the "backhanded compliment" of Steuart comparing him to his father as support for this claim. Trump questions Clint's educational credentials. Clint says he was Magna Cum Laude at Texas Christian and has his law degree from Southern Methodist University. Trump asks if Steuart thinks Clint's credentials are impressive, and amazingly, Clint's all, "But I'm not done yet!" He says he's also a CPA, a real estate broker, and a mediator.
Trump asks for Catherine Roman's opinion. She says Clint has "a greater tool bag." Word up, sister. She says his breadth of experience would be suited to a greater variety of locations than Steuart's. Trump inquires about Steuart's education. Steuart says he got a business degree from Purdue, with a double minor in finance and marketing. Steuart adds that, after graduating, he financed his own company and made a million dollars in the first year. Clint chimes in that he's had five million-dollar companies. "At 23 years old," interjects Steuart. Clint claims he did all that at 23 years old, before graduating from law school. At which point things turn a little bit Penelope. Clint claims he is the quintessential entrepreneur. He and Steuart both acknowledge that they love one another, and Clint says he'd hire Steuart in a minute.
Trump tells them they're both outstanding, tremendous people. Also? Supple, cavernous, and snuggly! Trump tells them there is no loser tonight. Regardless, Steuart is fired. So I guess there actually is a loser. Sorry, Steu! The non-loser loser takes his leave, and Trump calls in the girls for the firing.
In the non-loser loser cab, Steuart (who I've just realized sounds exactly like Patrick Dempsey) says losing sucks but he kept his integrity intact. In the sponsored "Steps" segment, Steuart tells us he's returned to his business and, with the knowledge he secured from the show, been able to focus and get more out of his business.
week: Clint and one of the ladies throw down! Trump brings back several former competitors, including Mahsa and her assertions that Clint "is not square with Jesus." The F2 coordinate various parts of golf tournament-slash-dinner for 500 involving Liza Minnelli and Kathy Griffin. And Don appoints Anand to the cheating oversight committee. Well, as they say, takes one to know one!