My, my. The whole formula here is completely wacky! We start back in the past, with a redux on the glorious Alla/Felisha meltdown from last week, and jump back and forth from that to Randal and Rebecca hanging out against the ugly abstract expressionist painting that greets you on entering the suite, talking about how clearly it will be Alla that comes back, Felisha having found herself under a bus. They're watching the door like hawks and there is much discussion and interview footage about the whole Alla-Is-The-Winner thing. It's nice as an editorial nod to Alla's rocking awesomeness, but because the narrative is a bit less sophisticated than one might think, Burnett-wise we're actually gearing up for the hilarity of neither of them coming back. That's it, and underscored one hundred times. The flashback footage is mostly about how horrified Trump was by Alla's openly abusive takedown of Felisha, and by the boner it gave him.
Alla licks her lips and tiptoes out just like she's on Scooby Doo and you can hear that squinkly-squinkly sound effect, and then Trump informs her she is too vile to be a part of the Trumpanies, and then gets all excited about getting to go inform Rebecca and Randal about this latest turn of events. He goes about it in the less normal fashion of heading back into the chthonic depths of that secret door of his in the Boardroom that he always comes out of, and you always expect like steam or smoke or Halloween screams or a scary red glow or whatever. If that creepy black room leads to the suite, it's through some kind of icky secret passageways and that makes me so scared I might cry, like, you're going to see paintings in the suite with the eyes going back and forth and creepy suits of armor or whatever, bookcases that swing open in the dead of night when you twist the candlesticks and the Heir of Slytherin and whatnot.
The door opens, and Rebecca and Randal smile gorgeously at the creepy sight of Trump walking in, and he's like, "You're expectingwho?" and they admit it's Alla. He makes a funny Martha noise, like this oh mm-hmm sound, and then congratulates them both. They already know what's up, since it's obvious, but pretend to be all, "What? What is it, Mr. Trump?" so he can blow their minds with a fake surprise, which is very sweet of them. "I fired them both," he says, and there's a weird snake rattle sound, and they are both astounded to learn that they are the Final Two. You guys, they look so tired. Like they haven't slept in weeks, which is exactly the case. I want to cuddle them both in my lap and sing until they go to sleep because that shit is not good for your skin. I think a good lullaby for Randal would be "Superman" by Five For Fighting due to its quiet yearning. I think for Rebecca I would sing "The Official Ironmen Rally Song" by Guided By Voices so she would learn about sophisticated, intellectual tunes, or maybe something from the Belinda Carlisle oeuvre.
“ Carolyn's so excited right now, it's hilarious. It's like she's at the circus! But not the fun one with clowns and bears on bikes, the other one. With the lions and Christians. ”
Rebecca -- neither of them are all that coherent at this point -- interviews that she "wanted to laugh, like WHAT?" and they both laugh and shoot finger guns at each other and blow up their cheeks like Dizzy Gillespie and make inappropriate Redskins sounds and then they start crumping, which is hard with crutches, and they don't say anything that makes sense, and Trump watches them, thinking, "Yes, this is exactly what I wanted." He reminds them that this process began with over a million candidates, and now there are just two of them, and they giggle and smile and breakdance and make origami.
Trump sends them to his "favorite restaurant" which is a "wonderful restaurant" and whatever, Megu, where they will be having dinner with George and Carolyn. The timing on this is weird, because he just crept through his secret passageways from Bill and Carolyn, but now George and Carolyn are over at Megu waiting on them. Trump points out that this a good opportunity to get inside his head, like that's a place you'd ever fucking want to visit, and Rebecca breathes, "Wonderful!" He tells them that one of them will win, again, just in case they weren't clear, and then warns them that tomorrow will be hell, so they should have a great meal while they still can. Trump leaves and they shake hands and grin sweetly at each other, and Randal's like, "It's about to get crazy." Rebecca shoots him a snaky look, that super-spy look she does with her gorgeous hair in her face and they glare at each other like they're going to get into a knife fight, and then they fall all over each other giggling, and that's the best part of the entire episode.
George has his first sashimi and makes the obligatory joke about how it's going to climb off his plate, and Carolyn smiles affectionately and quips that "It's all about adaptability." First of all, word, but second of all, is this how high-powered executives really talk all the time? "I've never had sashimi before." "It's time to step up to the plate, my friend." Randal interviews how lucky they are to have this opportunity, of course, and then asks for some final advice from Carolyn and George. Instead of an answer, we clip to George explaining that they need to pick their teams. They're like, "This evening?" Yeah, by the end of dinner. This is clearly the most fun Carolyn's had in a while, and she smiles intensely throughout this entire scene, asking brightly, "Have you thought about your teams yet?" Rebecca has, of course, and then fills us in interview that she's thought "long and hard" about it "long before this" and just goes all crossword-with-a-switchblade on the concept of team-picking, finishing up that she "will get them" and she will not "take no for an answer."
Carolyn's so excited right now, it's hilarious. It's like she's at the circus! But not the fun one with clowns and bears on bikes, the other one. With the lions and Christians. Randal says that he wants Josh, James, and Mark. Rebecca -- with that intense "my integrity Mr. Trump" face that makes you think she's got a gun on you -- calls Josh, James, and Chris. I pick Josh, Chris, and Alla, but Carolyn doesn't care who I want because she's so excited there's a conflict here. "Well, you have a problem!" It's so delightful, this, that she says it like she's saying, "Well, you have an annuity!" or "Well, you have a package waiting from Dean & DeLuca!" They look at each other, and Randal interviews that once he saw Rebecca with her game face on, he realized, "It's on!" So I guess he's seen her with her game face not on, which concept I cannot fathom.