Well, Verna's desire to quit didn't wear off last week quite as much as she'd hoped, so this time, she's really quitting. Farewell, Verna. Not really sure what else to say. Anyway, this week's task involves a Nescafé promotion, and because it seems to be about wacky marketing, Magna appoints Danny to be the PM. Net Worth appoints Angie, but she's all professional and has ideas and shit, so there's not much to say about that. Michael proves to be the first person ever to be so stupid about his exemption that he conspicuously, egregiously acts like a total ass, pissing off his team and ensuring that when Trump gets a good opportunity, Michael will be sent packing. But not this week, despite Danny's plea for Trump to bend the rules and send Michael home in spite of the exemption after Magna takes the loss. In fact, Danny goes so far as to bring Michael to the final table, hoping for a miracle, but there is no miracle to be had. Danny takes his guitar and hits the pavement, but not before singing his way through the most painful taxi interview sinceâ¦well, since last week.
Previously on Hotel New Crapshire: Brian chose toilets over carpeting, which is a fine idea in a men's room, but not such a great idea at a motel. He also chose dictatorship over diplomacy, and made even Kristen look cool for telling him to shut up. He made John hate him, which isn't easy, and he wasn't able to compensate for his personal sucking with good performance, so he went down in a blaze of glory by firing himself. And Magna threw a big kegger. (Is that giving Magna short shrift? You have to understand, I'm trying to get this recap done so that I can go to some God-forsaken location in Wisconsin -- booooo! -- to be a spectator at a cutthroat chicken-eating contest. So totally not lying.)
This week's New York skyline porn is accompanied by acoustic guitar, which is quite a change-up, and which makes no sense at all, until you hear a woman singing badly. So apparently, one of the chicks has appropriated Danny's guitar and is using it to lament her old boyfriends or something, not that I can make out any words. And not that she seems to have committed to any particular key, although I'm not one to knock artistic freedom. She's doing it in a very, very off-key fashion, unfortunately. But when we pop up into the L-Pal, we find that -- ack! -- it's actually Danny singing like a woman singing badly. It's these moments when I wish someone would hit me with something heavy, seriously. My kingdom for a candlestick. And he's wearing a salmon-colored t-shirt, too, so it's like he's 37 percent girl, and it's the kind of girl who's 74 percent nail polish. As he continues playing, he voices over that he's happy they're "moving ahead" following the Verna meltdown of last week. "This is going to be great!" he interviews, not sounding very convinced for a guy who likes to make his team yell, "UNBELIEVABLE!" like they've all been drinking the Fool-Aid.
The door to the suite opens, and here comes the entire Net Worth team, with the exception of Fire-Me Brian, who of course put himself so firmly in the line of fire last week that there was no point in a final table. "Count how many people are walking in right now," Kristen (I think) comments. As if anyone on this show can count. Give me a break. "He fired Brian right then and there," someone says, as Kendra's mouth hangs comically open. "What happened?" asks some Magnan or another. "He's an idiot walking," says Audrey of the Five-Dollar Ass. Uh, no offense. In my favorite moment of the episode, even though I will hate Michael by the end, Tara tells the group that Brian basically told himself, "I'm fired," and Michael responds by holding up the Trump-alicious cobra hand in his own face and saying, "He went like this? 'I'm fired'?" And he seems to be serious, that for a moment, he thinks Brian literally fired himself. Tara clarifies that no, she's not saying it was quite like that. Hee. Michael says with great irony in an interview that this means "rules can be broken" in the Boardroom, given the failure to even do a final table.
Craig, John, and Kendra shoot hoops (I knew she was the coolest of the women) as Danny comforts a still-lagging Verna. Verna assures Danny that she'll be fine. He voices over that she looks "run-down," but he thinks she'll rally. Ha ha ha, yeah. Probably. Verna tells Danny she has "inner strength to stay here." So she's about to get out all that inner strength and run it up the flagpole. Stand back! Verna's inner strength is flapping! He tells her that if she's feeling sick and needs to lie around, she should just do that and "let [the team] be sensitive to that." Yeah, I'll be counting on their sensitivity. Danny interviews that he wanted to "get everyone together as a support group" for Verna. A support group? What is this, a Dr. Phil special? Gah. Danny gets the team in the living room, where he announces that if Verna wants to stay home from the task tomorrow and lag around the suite, "that's cool." The rest of the team has this expression on their faces: "Um." Erin, wearing a fur-trimmed coat that saps all her credibility, sarcastically characterizes Danny's approach in an interview as "this clearly isn't The Apprentice, this is clearly kindergarten." And if that's true, if Danny does think that, I think all that really means is that he saw last season. Back in the lack-of-support group, Erin speaks up that she's not so sure about Verna staying home from the task. Like, what would happen if she needed to stay home, and then they lost, and they went to the Boardroom? She's also concerned about Verna quitting again in the future, logically enough. Michael opines in an interview that he personally believes Verna is physically fine, she's just not up to the fast-paced stuff. It's the kind of thing guys say when they're struggling to finish a sentence without using the words "she probably has" or "her period."
Ultimately, Verna announces that she feels bad for the team, but she's actually going to just quit now, because she feels bad, and she doesn't think she's going to feel better anytime soon. Only Danny looks crestfallen over this. Verna gets up and gives everyone hugs, as if they cared about her, which they don't. Really, the cold, meaningless, entirely emotionally vacant embraces are the ones you always remember. Erin tells Verna she's "brave." For quitting, I guess. Good one. Very sincere. Bren interviews that while Danny was "bummed out," he thinks Verna lacked the "burning desire." And a reality show contestant is nothing without her burning desire. Verna and Danny share one last Flake Hug, and she takes her leave. Sad music plays as Michael interviews that "it's bullshit that Verna quit." He goes on to mealy-mouth yet again about how Verna doesn't understand the "fast-paced business environment." It's fairly clear that Magna is out of its depth here, not only because Verna doesn't appear entirely well, but also because the task at hand involves genuine empathy, and genuine empathy is in short supply in a house where everyone knows there will one day be a big multi-publicist cage match over who gets to show off his or her apartment kitchen in some trendy-ass decorating magazine. As the team goes ahead with making food and things, Verna rolls her little rolly-case out of the suite. Michael calls her "a nuisance" and "useless." He doesn't understand how anyone can quit, because he's never had to work with himself. "At least get fired with some dignity," he says. I never know whether to grudgingly admire, wistfully pity, or fundamentally hate people who look to this kind of show for dignity. It's usually the last one. The door closes after Verna as she becomes one of a very tiny number of reality show participants to voluntarily shrink his or her minutes of fame from fifteen to something short of that. Weird.
The Trump motto this week is "Lead With Authority." Trump tells us that leaders don't "lead by consensus," because a leader is a person who may go against everyone to make the decision he perceives to be the right one. In a meeting including Boyfriend Bill (oh, hi, Boyfriend Bill!), Trump gets mad at some guy named Pete for something or other. Leading with authority, that's Trump. I suspect Pete is buried in the concrete in the foundation of the Trump National Cement Block Showcase right about now.
The sun comes up, just like in The Lion King, but with less singing, at least for the moment. We return to the suite, where the team has decided to take matters into its own hands, and Danny is calling Rhona on the Rhonaphone to report that Verna has fled the coop. He tells her that they'd appreciate it if she'd pass along to Trump the message that Verna is gone. Rhona agrees to pass along that message, and of course, she has one of her own -- the team should meet Trump in Times Square ASAP. That's all she says -- "as soon as possible." So apparently, Trump's just standing around waiting for them. We watch the team stroll toward Times Square, where indeed, they encounter Trump and the Viceroys just pulling up in their limo. Great timing! Trump and his pink tie talk about how tough the experience is, and give Verna's departure a shout-out. "Verna couldn't hack it. She quit! She left!" He is such a soft touch. Oh, and I am in love with Audrey's gigantic hoop earrings, which I could put around my rather thick wrists without difficulty. Danny looks all sad, but Trump goes on to say that "in life, people quit." He asks whether anybody else would like to leave. Unfortunately, no one does. It really could have sped up the show if they had. They all say "no," though, and kind of emphatically.
Trump introduces the task by saying that Nestle is the biggest food company there is. Worth more than $100 billion. "So that's $96 billion more than I'm worth!" Trump says with shock. "And I'm not happy with that!" The candidates laugh, just the way they would if it were funny. Of course, if he were capable of being funny, he might not have the four billion, so he might want to quit while he's ahead. Trump says that they'll be working with Nescafe Taster's Choice, and adds that "it's really good, believe me," as if he has ever had instant coffee in his entire life, other than maybe espresso powder on his sidewalk whenever it snows. Trump explains that each team will have a $75,000 budget from the two Nestle execs who are present. The challenge will be to "create a marketing campaign" for Nescafe, using big ideas. Big! Ideas! Like...mime! Hold on to that. And again, the winning team will be the one that creates "the most buzz" and "the most excitement." And the losers will go to the Boardroom. Oh, and he reminds Michael of his exemption. Sigh. We hate Michael's exemption! Trump greets a bunch of fans as he's leaving, because he is all mobbed by the common people now. He's like the Pied Piper of Money, except that if anyone tries to follow him, he has them shot.
A sax plays us into the task, which is taking place at Nestle. And you have to admit that Nestle is the most blatantly sexual of all the major grocery brands. There's something going on there that you just don't get from something like Pillsbury, although interestingly enough, it would work with General Mills. Anyway, Bren says in the Magna meeting that because it's a creative marketing task, he would put Danny up as a great prospective PM. Danny accepts. And why wouldn't you put the guy in charge of your marketing effort whose most recent marketing effort last time Carolyn called the worst she had ever seen? Danny re-introduces the task, talking about how they're going to be judged for representing the product well, being creative, and so forth. There is some team chatting about the promotion, and then we watch the increasingly obnoxious Michael explaining to Bren how at cafes in Europe, there's Nescafe everywhere. So Michael wants to promote "a European lifestyle," complete with "European models." And mopeds. I hate him instantly. It's something about the way he says "mopeds." "Trust me," Michael says, "everybody loves a beautiful European model." And also, everyone is a straight man. Stephanie sits with her mouth agape. She interviews that Michael basically didn't take the task seriously, because he was exempt. "He pretty much just sat back and enjoyed the ride," she says. And it's not like it's very much of a ride, either. It's like sitting back and enjoying the people-mover at the airport. When Michael continues to press his hooker/model thing, Erin looks right at him and says, "You're going to alienate women." Michael is confused. "But you're going to attract more men. Double up on the men." HATE. Danny, making a lot more sense than usual, interviews that Michael comes up with a single idea, and then he just brags about how awesome it is and wants nothing to do with anything else. Danny quite wisely points out that Michael "is sealing his own fate" with the way he's acting. He's certainly sealing someone's.
Over at Net Worth, a meeting is going on in which Chris is explaining that they should do a cash giveaway, because if you yell that you're giving away $5000, everyone will immediately come flying over. Angie suggests herself for PM, saying that she has an idea for a concept where they'd play on the "choice" part of Taster's Choice, saying that they could do an All-American "election" theme which would play on the fact that you do have a choice about the coffee you drink. She's saluting, she's thinking Uncle Sam, butterfly ballots...it will be totally life-affirming, dude. Oh, and she wants a marching band. And a "baton flame-girl." Hee. She points out that you have a choice -- "it doesn't have to be Starbucks." Yeah. You should count on people to decide they want instant coffee instead of the real kind. Don't make it about convenience. Make it about free will. Tana interviews that Angie got to be the PM because she "was passionate about it." She thinks Angie will "do a good job." If, that is, Angie can "not have a nervous breakdown in the meantime."
Indeed, Angie is of the Pushy School of Project Managing, directing everyone to put their attention where she wants it for the five minutes. Tana says that Angie, on the day of the task, will be "my mother, Thanksgiving Day morning." Hee hee. She anticipates stress, but says "we'll see how it goes." We will, indeed. And remember: it's okay to burn the biscuits; everyone can scrape off the black parts. Angie does a little nascent freestyle white-lady-rapping as we leave this segment, and the less said about that, the better.
Over at Magna, Stephanie is working on getting an event planner, because they've decided to "outsource" the entire thing to somebody who can do all the details. Hmm. But she's having trouble, because she's not even sure what she's supposed to be doing, and there's chaos, because "Danny is not controlling the team." And Bren is chewing on a chair, I believe. No, really. In a callback to shows past, Stephanie seems to be making some of her phone calls from under the table. Scary when you remember things you'd rather forget, isn't it? She gets on the phone with a planner who tells her that his quote for the entire thing is $47,000. Of their $75,000 budget, that is. Alex says that in the face of this decision, Danny basically was paralyzed. When the planner tells them that he's going to fax them over an agreement, and they will have sixty seconds to sign it, Danny balks, saying "that's impossible." I wouldn't deal with anyone who gave me sixty seconds either, I don't think. Stephanie gets pissed off, because she thinks Danny's going to give up the event planner and they have no way to fill that slot, because they have "not even an idea." Unable to figure out what to do, Danny puts the event planner to a group vote. But the group doesn't want to vote, and Alex puts it back on Danny to make the call. Alex tells us in an interview that Danny put them in a bad position with regard to the time limitations by refusing to get on the stick until the time was ticking away. Ultimately, Danny does decide to go with the planner and pay him his exorbitant sum, so they're giving up the great majority of their budget without really even knowing what the guy is going to do. And then in an interview, Stephanie brings back the popular non-word "unorganized," which we know that the candidates always love so much. The fax machine fatefully sends the planner agreement, dun-dun-dun!
Back at Magna after a commercial, Danny explains to the camera that they still needed a big idea, even after signing the contract. So what the event planner is doing, exactly, I do not know. Bren comes up with the notion of iPods, and says that all he sees in New York is people with earbuds and cups of coffee. It isn't entirely nonsensical, although I don't think most of those people are drinking instant. Alex suggests that they give away an iPod every 20 minutes. Everyone seems to think the hook to the world's most beloved consumer product at the moment is probably a good idea, with the exception of Michael, because he hates everything that doesn't involve hot chicks. He also spits out the ridiculous line, "People with money don't walk; they drive." There are so many things wrong with that statement. In New York, it's bullshit, for one thing. And why would you be trying to sell instant coffee to people with money? And why would only people with money like iPods? None of this makes a fucking lick of sense. (I really like the expression "fucking lick of sense," by the way, and plan to use it often.) Stephanie points out that Michael was just pissed off because they didn't use his Festival of Rich, Beautiful European Booty plan. She's not crazy about the fact that he seems to be coasting on his exemption.
Stephanie announces to the team that they have just under $5000 left. Michael sits off in the corner, smirking with a tray balanced on his head. Danny tells him to speak up if he needs a time-out. Heh. Danny then interviews that Michael is "a plain jackass," and then wonders how he got on the show. Which is really silly, because that's how. Duh. Michael makes some more dipshit comments about how it's going to be "a high-school production," at which point Danny finally looks at him and says, "Mike, I want you to stop talking about the promotion." Mike complains that he's just saying he gave Danny a great idea, and Danny didn't go with it. He makes some vaguely threatening comment about how he's "the last person you want to fluster." Whatever. He's not scary, with his "Don't try it, man, don't fluster my ass..." And then some woman whaps him in the head with a purse with a travel iron in it. I'm just guessing. ["I'm guessing said woman is tall and has a tomato tattoo, but I'm just spitballing here." -- Sars]
The morning comes, and Magna moves a bunch of stuff onto carts to take it to the location. Or most of Magna does. Michael sits on his ass, smirking. Danny finally tells Michael to get up and help, and Michael comes over and gets much less vaguely threatening, telling Danny that if he yells at him again, Michael will throw him out the window. Well, that's nice. Danny tells him not to go there, and Bren says that he thought it was pretty lame that Michael responded to Danny calling him an asshole (or something) by threatening "bodily harm." Yep, he's a prosecutor, all right. Michael returns to this theme, though, telling Danny that maybe instead of threatening to put him through the window, he should just have slapped him. Nice. And helpful! Bren looks over a drawing it isn't clear whether he did or didn't created, which shows a very nice literal depiction of the entire task being placed in a lovely basket and sent to a place helpfully labeled, "HELL." Well, really. And with a 2-D graphic depiction, how can you resist?
Net Worth. They're raising a big balloon arch, and Chris is yelling about giving away $10,000. Interestingly, despite the fact that he's giving away twice as much as he proposed earlier, people are not, in fact, running right over. I think Audrey says she's "sweating balls," which I don't even entirely understand, not that I'm not always up for a good "ball sweat" story. On the other hand, for the purposes of sending me email, you can assume that anything with "ball sweat" in the subject line will be deleted. Anyway, Chris continues screaming about the giveaway; Audrey continues giving away coupons for free coffee. Chris is being scary. That much yelling would totally drive me away. They desperately need Troy. Like, desperately.
John (whom I miss) explains that they set up a faux-rally at which they're going to have a debate over hot coffee drinks versus cold coffee drinks. The faux-debate is actually passably entertaining, or so it appears, and it even seems to make George and Carolyn laugh. A woman gives her opinion that she loves both the hot and the cold. A woman named Linda Cook takes home the $10,000. Applause! Angie says that she was very excited about the concept, and the team was excited, and it seemed to go very well. I'm not sure what she was expecting -- it would be a surprise indeed if they had to say, "Well, we gave away the money to this woman, but she was really pissed off."
Magna. They've got people lining up for their coffee and the iPod drawings. Danny says that they were planning to give away an iPod or two every half-hour, so that you'd have fresh customers all the time, and people would hang around and stay. The Nestle executives look on as Danny starts in on an iPod giveaway. We see Michael trying to hand out flyers as Danny voices over that he relegated Michael to "menial" stuff, because Michael was being such a dick about everything. He says that they're depending on their planner, who probably wouldn't hire Michael either. Heh. Oh, and Michael explains in an interview that he thinks he's filling his role just fine. As we see him frolicking with a mime. Their $47,000 event planner sent a mime? In a red sparkly jacket? Give me a fucking break. The big idea is mime? That is not the big idea. That's revenge on your parents for not taking you to The Nutcracker when you were little. Oh, and there's a guy who...I guess is dressed like a cup of coffee? Or something? God. That guy's parents and the mime's parents just turned to each other at the same moment and said, "I'm glad I don't have your kid."
In one of my personal highlights, Michael complains that he's not "happy with metea-ocracy," approximately. Man, some shit you could not make up.
Later, the teams -- Magna mostly in black, Net Worth in red -- return to what looks like it's the International House of Nestlecakes to receive the task results. Ominous music follows Trump into the room. He reminds them what the task was, and turns it over to the executives to evaluate the teams' performances. The woman exec tells Magna that they did very well delivering the premium brand message. On the other hand, they had no concept at all. Nothing "tied it all together and made sense thematically." The male exec congratulates Net Worth on incorporating both the hot and the cold options, and for having a "very creative idea." Based on their "creative idea," the winning team is Net Worth, as the guy explains. Danny looks crestfallen. Trump grants Angie her exemption for week, and tells the team that their reward will be big -- a 12-seater helicopter ride, circling Manhattan with champagne and whatnot. Oh, and Magna is in for a firing. That team is dropping like flies. Stupid, self-important flies.
Helicopter reward. Have I mentioned I hate rewards? Net Worth climbs into the helicopter. They go, "Woo!" They drink. They chitchat uninterestingly. Chris congratulates the team on "keeping a smile on their face." Angie picks her nose, and then they toast. They all spot various Manhattan landmarks from the sky. Have we mentioned that Manhattan is very pretty? Because it totally is. The word "beautiful" is used. Chris rallies for some excitement again, congratulating the team in his interview for beating "a team that has a collegic education." Yep. "Collegic." And "it would appear that they should be more promising." But they're not. Down with Magna! Up with Net Worth! Angie's glass is empty! What's up with that? Someone fill Angie's glass!
In the L-Pal, Michael is bitching about all the money that was wasted on the six-hour event. Michael insists in an interview that nobody did anything wrong except for Danny, who fell down on his obligation to "be the mastermind" of what they were trying to do. Erin and Danny are talking about Michael, though, and the fact that he so obviously rode his exemption and did no work. "Michael was dead weight and a negative presence," she sums up nicely. Good work for an attorney, in terms of the words-to-message ratio. She tells Danny that she just thinks Michael has no integrity. She thinks that they need to get this across to Trump. And indeed, in a team meeting, they all agree that Michael was a complete drag, and that he's the one who should go. Erin says that they need to find out whether there are any exceptions to the exemption issue, and Danny insists that Trump can make whatever decision he wants, including the revocation of an exemption. Danny tells us that the team unanimously agreed to argue to Trump that Michael should be fired in spite of the exemption. Oy. Interesting plan, that. ["I'd have tried it; I think they had a legitimate claim as to the spirit of the exemption rule being broken, and if Erin had argued it better they might have put it over." -- Sars]
Magna comes to the Boardroom. Robin tells them to drop their bags and head in. They await Trump, and then he enters without his now-usual "Hell-o." He must be mad. Or chewing gum. When he's seated, Trump asks Danny about the reason that the team lost. Danny says that the team worked hard and tried to win. But before they talk about the task, Danny has something else he wants to talk about. He says that the team understands about exemptions. But the team also is aware that an exemption -- "especially a gift from you" (barf, suck-up, that doesn't even work on people you're dumping) -- is something that should not be taken for granted or abused. Danny argues that Michael abused the "gift" of the exemption. Trump argues back that Michael didn't get a gift, really -- he earned the exemption, after all, for winning last week's task. The team resists, even after Trump basically tells them that Michael has an exemption, and the rules are the rules. Erin goes all cutesy as she tells Trump that all contracts have out clauses, and all language is subject to interpretation. And this is no exception, and she thinks there are built-in exceptions to the idea of an exemption. It's probably the best argument they had, but it's fairly clear, at least to me, that Trump isn't buying. Erin tells Trump that frankly, she thinks Michael lacks "personal integrity," and shouldn't get the job for that reason. She argues that Michael "did nothing on this task."
Trump now turns his attention to Danny, questioning the decision to pay one firm $50,000 from the budget. "That was idiotic," Michael mutters, having absolutely no idea when to shut his hole. When Trump asks whose idea the planner was, Stephanie says that she's the one who found the planner, after calling several. Trump asks how the planner did for them, in terms of performance, and Stephanie says that she thinks they were great, and "pulled off a wonderful event." Erin puts in that without the planner, they would have had no concept at all. Of course, that admission does not exactly cover them in glory. "It was that or full-frontal nudity" is not a great defense of your "big idea." When Trump asks her what she thought of Danny as a team leader, Stephanie claims that she didn't like the fact that he had such a hard time making decisions. George presses for a real answer, but she just says that she wishes the decisions had come more quickly.
Now, Trump asks Bren for his position, and Bren can read the writing on the wall about the Michael situation, so he answers what he was actually asked (a novel approach) by saying he would tend to place the responsibility for the loss itself on Danny. He does say, however, that if he could fire anyone at all, it would certainly be Michael, basically for being exactly the dipshit that everyone has been saying he was. Bren thinks that Michael showed a "total lack of integrity by his actions yesterday." Trump pushes on the fact that everyone obviously thinks Michael is a shit, but is Michael the reason why they lost? "Ultimate responsibility should fall on Danny's shoulders," Bren says, giving Trump the point. Trump gives the team a huge opening when he asks them whether they're arguing that Michael was so bad that he "violated a certain trust" and should be fired in spite of the exemption. Erin, not doing too badly except for the hair these days, jumps in and says that Michael violated Trump's trust and everyone else's by slacking off just because he was exempt. "I feel very strongly about this," she says. She strenuously objects!
George now asks Danny why he didn't manage Michael better -- why he didn't basically throw Michael off the task. Which I think Danny would argue he tried to do by reducing Michael's responsibilities and telling him to shut up with the snotty comments. Danny argues, unwisely, that he "handled it like a gentleman." George points out that that isn't the function of a boss on a project, and I could not agree more. Bosses who insist on being polite and not hurting anyone's feelings let the assholes run roughshod over everyone else; that is totally true. ["I would point out, though, that George has asked this before, and it is still not clear to me how a PM is supposed to 'throw' anyone 'off' anything, or why they never tell George they didn't know they could do that. I would like to know the answers, but if we're not going to get them, George should stop posing that as an obvious alternative, and whoa, who's writing this recap? Sorry, going now." -- Sars] Danny claims that he tried to "stay focused on winning the task." Michael, still not knowing when to shut up, claims that Danny was obviously "lost," so how can he be claiming he was focused on winning? Trump asks Danny who he's going to bring to the final table. Danny says that he has a question, and Trump says he knows what it is. And the answer is yes, he can bring someone to the final table who's exempt. But as to whether a person who's exempt can be fired, he's basically not answering. Danny is going to have to decide whether to take that gamble.
Danny does choose to bring Michael, along with Stephanie, the only person he can place any responsibility on, other than himself. I think he's well aware that if he loses the gamble on Michael, it's going to be him, so I'd think he might have been better off to bring Erin, so they could at least have a united front.
Trump chats with George and Carolyn. Carolyn says that she thinks Danny has bad decision-making skills, including the decision to bring someone who's exempt to the final table. "Rules are rules; he's exempt," she says. George says he agrees, in that not only is Michael exempt, but he's not the reason they lost the task. "It's just a question of him and Stephanie," George opines. Trump says he agrees, and he's ready to bring the folks back in.
Robin sends the three final-table candidates back in. Trump starts with Michael, saying that the team was obviously totally dissatisfied with what he brought to the table. "Did you do badly because of the fact that you were exempt, and you figured, 'Why should I...' which is pretty terrible, or did you do badly because you're incompetent." Michael makes up an entirely new idiom when he says, "Neither or." He insists -- against all evidence -- that he did his best on the task. In fact, he gave the team a great idea, and now he thinks he shouldn't have shared his awesome ideas, because "they were not reciprocated." "Reciprocated"? Does he mean "used"? Shut up, ass. Michael argues that he was against the contract being signed, and the team argued it out for a long time. Trump brings up to Danny the fact that he apparently put the decision to a vote, or tried to. Danny says he knows that wasn't necessarily the greatest option, but that he wanted to get consensus on the team.
Michael decides to throw in a little personal shit when he says that Danny's wearing polyester suits and playing guitar doesn't make him a crazy genius. Which I agree with, and which I really wish had been said by someone I don't dislike so intensely. Trump calls this "pretty insulting," but it's hard to tell whether he's saying that unhappily or admiringly. Trump asks Stephanie about Danny as a leader, and she says that indeed, as far as making decisions, she thought Danny was pretty poor. But she also didn't like Michael. "You think they're two male losers!" he offers up, really missing all the boy-girl bullshit of past seasons. "Co-rrect," she says. Stephanie says that she just really was aghast at someone putting a $50,000 contract to a vote. Of course, she only says that because Trump said it first. "It was ridiculous! Take ownership!" she says. Danny argues that she was the one who was supposed to be in charge of the planner in the first place, and he kind of lost me there. Michael starts bitching again about the promotion, and the cost of the contract and so forth, and Trump's like, "Do you think you should be fired?" Michael, seeming somewhat caught off guard, says that he thinks he did a great job. Carolyn smiles at the absurdity. "A great job in what?" she asks. He says he gave them great ideas. Again.
Trump informs Michael that he "did a terrible job." He tells Stephanie that she's actually better than he was thinking previously. He says that her getting the planner seems to have been a good idea in general, and that the planner did well. He says that she's probably not going to be fired. He says to Michael and Danny that they should both be ashamed. Which I'm sure they aren't, because if you had the capacity for that, you'd do something besides go on this show. He repeats how much ass he thinks Michael sucked, but then says that Danny sucked a fair amount of ass also, and doesn't exactly have anything to be all crowing over. He calls him out for the indecisiveness and such, but then says that he "hated" the fact that Danny chose Michael, who was exempt, because that's just stupid. "Michael was terrible," he says, "but Michael is exempt." So Danny is fired.
The three fools head out into the lobby. Stephanie and Michael go up; Danny goes down. I'm surprised he's out that early, being such an attention-getting whack-job. With guitar and everything. Trump and the Viceroys talk about the fact that they like Danny, but he fucked that one up seriously. Danny heads out to his cab. Stephanie and Michael go back to the suite.
In the cab interview, Danny sings. No, seriously. Sings. Jerk. He is not clever. At all.
week: Commercials! Yelling! Donny "Nipples" Deutsch! And something really offensive in one of the ads, obviously. Yay, something offensive!