Trump reminds us that Kelly is working on the Genworth polo match, and Jen is working on the Genworth charity basketball game, and Genworth (ch-ching!), Genworth (ch-ching!), Genworth (ch-ching!). Genworth is pretty and smart and smells like cookies. I actually started out to count the number of times someone says "Genworth" in this episode, but I realized that I was going to run out of fingers and toes, even if I borrowed yours. Anyway, "helping" with the tasks, in the same way a three-year-old "helps" with the baby by stuffing spinach into its ears, will be three fired ex-apprenti on each team. Kelly has Elizabeth, Raj, and John, known as Team Under-Motivated; while Jen has Stacy, Pamela, and Chris, known as Team Over-Utilized. Kelly learned last week that Tony Bennett was coming (good!), but it was raining (bad!). Jen learned that Chris Webber was theoretically coming (good!), but Chris Webber wasn't actually coming (bad!). Tonight, we will find out how the tasks turn out, and watch for signs of weakness that can be dwelt upon for years to come, causing screaming and fist fights even among the utterly unaffected. Good times.
Credits. You know, the first sign of finale bloat is when you're running credits at minute twelve. I mean, Alias can do it, but they've usually shot a couple of guys and blown up a cargo van by then.
Riverbank State Park, where Jen is on the Space Communicator, still talking to Chris Webber's assistant. And it's not so much "talking to" as it is "haranguing." She's going on and on about Webber's "firm commitment" to the charity as Stacy looks on, Chris pouts, and Pamela, unsurprisingly, is doing work, as she is wont to do. "It basically blows the entire event," Jen tells the assistant. And of course, there are a few problems with this approach, one of which is that the assistant doesn't have the power to make Webber go if he doesn't want to, and another of which is that Webber probably wouldn't be doing this if he gave a holy cannoli about blowing the event, and still another of which is that if you're nasty, he's probably never going to do an event for the charity again, whereas if you would chill out, you might get him to commit to some kind of an alternative obligation. It's also patently obvious from what ensues that Webber's presence, given the presence of a bunch of other NBA players, is not really that big a deal, since one famous guy built like a tree is pretty much like another, and Jen either doesn't fully understand that, or she's not being upfront about it. Chris interviews that he didn't blame Jen for being "aggressive," since "there's no time for nice" in that situation. Which would make sense if she were talking to the person whose decision it was, but she isn't. It looks to me like Jen spends a lot of energy in that situation venting her spleen at someone who genuinely has no ability to provide a solution, and that's pointless. As well as being the kind of thing that gets you a reputation as a The Devil Wears Prada-style bitch and a half. This is even more evident when Jen turns flat-out nasty with the assistant on the phone, saying, "None of us are stupid enough to believe that he can't alter that meeting, okay?" Yeah. If I'm Chris Webber's assistant, you've just lost any possibility that I'm going to try to help you out, either by talking to my guy or by jumping in and, say, suggesting somebody else you might call to fill in. Once you go all petulant with your "I'm not stupid!" display of temper, I'm getting you off the phone and forgetting all about you. Except that if I ever have occasion to speak to Genworth, I'm going to tell them that Webber is sending a donation in lieu of having been able to appear, and while I'm at it, I'm going to drop a hint about just how rude the manager of their event was on the phone and tell them that they might not want that particular person representing them in the future. "She bitch-slapped Chris Webber's assistant," Pamela observes in an interview with a transparent combination of admiration for the audacity and skepticism about the wisdom of Jen's approach.
“ She basically says that she'd like him either to get the bathroom up to par in the fifteen minutes, or else to find a different place for Tony to change. I would have loved it if Kelly had said Tony could change in the stable with the horses. ”
Jen welcomes everyone to what I guess is the VIP reception, although it doesn't look very VIP to me, since there are a gazillion people there. Maybe it's an "SIP" reception. You know, for "Sorta." Among other things, they're operating a silent auction to raise money for the charity. There are a lot of game tickets up for auction, apparently, along with signed items. Like a Chris Webber jersey. Hey, at least the jersey showed up. It appears that the auction doesn't get off to a particularly impressive start until Bob Lanier jumps in and starts working the crowd good and hard, provoking them to bid on shoes and the like. What I find odd is that Jen starts bidding on things herself, apparently in her personal capacity, and...I don't know if that's a great plan. It doesn't really seem like a management solution to me; it seems like a shortcut. And then the person who eventually bids $1000 is a guy we will learn on the reunion is a Genworth guy. So...I mean, this is sort of a cooked-up thing where the people who have an interest in seeing the event go well are giving money, which is all well and good, but not really a show of skill. And if you think the editors didn't do what they could to help Jen look more competent, take note of the fact that they totally don't mention that the guy making the huge bid here is a Genworth guy and not a member of the public, so you wind up feeling like Jen just got some random guy to give $1000, when it's going to turn out later that he's an inside guy himself, so...just so you know.
At the polo match, another Genworth guy goes out to throw out the ball for the polo match. Polo follows, and somehow, they have managed to mount a polo-cam on some guy, so there are lots of horse's-eye-view shots. Kelly talks admiringly about the horses and the polo players, much in the same manner that Pamela talked about the basketball players. I'm not sure I would have spent finale time on this, although I suppose that when you have three hours to fill, you have time to sit back and enjoy the polo. After the match, Kelly comes down and meets Trump, giving a handshake before driving off in his limo.
And now, potty issues arise as Tony Bennett's...local handler or whatever comes to Kelly with news that Tony will be changing in the downstairs restrooms, which she hears are "quite unsanitary." She basically says that she'd like him either to get the bathroom up to par in the fifteen minutes, or else to find a different place for Tony to change. I would have loved it if Kelly had said Tony could change in the stable with the horses. I don't know why it occurred to me, but it did. And yes, I was amused. Asked for his thoughts, the club manager says he doesn't have staff to send off to clean the bathroom, which is extremely difficult for me to believe, but there you go. Kelly thus sends John to work on cleaning the clubhouse up, and when John arrives at Kelly's office, some dude is on the phone complaining to some other unseen dude about how Tony can't possibly change in this bathroom where "it looks like six goats threw up." So...what, there are, like, shirts and chewed-up tin cans on the floor? What does goat vomit look like, anyway? Whatever. This dude appears to be Bennett's manager, because in an interview, Raj says that the manager was "much more in a huff than he needed to be." We watch as John adjourns to the bathroom, which is fairly unpleasant (for fuck's sake, who didn't flush?), but it's not like it's overrun with a family of possums or has moss growing in the urinals or anything. Raj and John are still cleaning as the Tony Bennett limo comes up toward the clubhouse. And then suddenly, John and Raj are outside, shaking hands with Tony Bennett (not a euphemism) and welcoming him to the club. "My hand went from scrubbing garbage juice to shaking the hand of an American icon," Raj interviews. Hopefully, there was a stop in between at a bar of soap, because otherwise, you just introduced Tony Bennett to goat vomit in a highly personal fashion, and that's no way to treat an American icon. They drop Tony inside, and he seems satisfied.
“ Trump asks Stacy whom she would hire, and she says Jen, which would be enough to make me hire Kelly, were I in Trump's position. ”
Trump asks Stacy whom she would hire, and she says Jen, which would be enough to make me hire Kelly, were I in Trump's position. "Ew, get off my side!" yells Jen's tormented soul from somewhere in the universe. Chris is asked what he thinks, and in a particularly pained moment, he seriously looks like he wouldn't hire either of them for anything, ever, including dog-walking. But he eventually says that he "probably" would go with Jennifer. Pamela hesitates, too, and Trump points out that she clearly would get rid of both of them. Which is exactly true. And basically, Pamela admits that, and she commits to neither side. Raj carefully says, "I would hire Kelly; I just wouldn't spend too much time with him." Snerk. Of course, I don't think I'd spend time with any of them, so. Elizabeth says she'd hire Kelly. John would hire Kelly, too. So the count is that all three people on Kelly's team picked Kelly, one person on Jen's team picked Jen happily, one person on Jen's team picked Jen very grudgingly, and one person on Jen's team said, "Feh, ptui." Trump congratulates the six losers on ascending to the positions they did, and then he sends them out, promising that they've been "very helpful." They all walk out, passing through the lobby past a nervous-looking Kelly and Jen.
Finally, Trump directs Robin to send in Jen and Kelly. They do not shake hands. They do not smile. They do not wish each other luck. When they get inside and sit down, Trump asks Jennifer about the fact that she greeted him, slightly late, and then disappeared, and that he never saw her after that. He takes a sideways slam at the dirty chair he got from Kelly, who flinches in pain at the memory. And if Kelly loses, chairs are going to become the motif with which to torture him. Poor Kellybot. He's going to wind up more afraid of folding chairs than anyone, ever. (Well, except my parents' dog. Long story, and it's really more about folding card tables, but...what was I saying?) Jen tries to explain that she was working with Genworth and "putting out fires" (oh, not that again), but Trump says that whether she was busy or not, he wound up standing around unescorted after the event, which wasn't appropriate, so he still sees that as a flub on her part. George now takes over for a minute, in which he says to Jen that he saw her as primarily obligated to deal with Genworth and the NBA. She did not handle either of these entities face-to-face at the actual event. Jen protests that she was in contact with Genworth the day and at the VIP reception. George tells her that irrespective of what she felt like she did, she needs to understand that she left the impression with Genworth of paying inadequate attention to their needs. Unable to listen, as usual, Jen goes on the attack, as usual, claiming that she did everything right and that it's all Genworth's fault. She doesn't cite anything she wishes had gone better, she doesn't cite any mistakes she made, she doesn't cite anything she regrets about the way she handled it. Carolyn tries to tell Jen that, whether she likes it or not, Jen needs to understand that this is what Genworth perceived about the event. Jen literally says, "Okay, I hear you, but I don't see how that's possible." Right. George is probably lying. This is kind of what kills her in this Boardroom, to me -- she cannot admit even the slightest, tiniest flaw. She cannot listen to any criticism. She cannot admit that her best intentions might not have worked quite as she hoped, and that basically precludes learning anything. The time Jen does an event, it will go exactly like the last one, because she can't acknowledge that she isn't already perfect, so she sees no need to adjust anything about her approach.
“ George believes that by delegating the responsibilities for dealing with Genworth and dealing with the NBA, Jen made an error. Jen has no comment. Because they don't want to hear her say 'I don't care what the client thought, because the client is wrong,' and that's essentially what she thinks. ”
Carolyn now asks Jen to address the complaint from her team that she turned over much of the major work to them and spent too much of her own time on "minor details." Jen agrees that she turned over "chunks of responsibility" to the team. But she insists that she stayed in charge, and needed to delegate in order to handle the stuff that came up. George isn't buying. He tells her that, in the end, he thought there was still some doubt over whether she can "take the responsibility for areas that cannot be delegated." He believes that by delegating the responsibilities for dealing with Genworth and dealing with the NBA, Jen made an error. Jen has no comment. Because they don't want to hear her say "I don't care what the client thought, because the client is wrong," and that's essentially what she thinks.
Now, it's time to discuss Kelly. Asked how he did, Carolyn says that she felt like the biggest issue was "lack of motivation to the staff." She says that while he came up with the right things to delegate to his three helpers, he didn't do a good job of getting them on the stick, because they weren't naturally motivated, given that they had already been fired. Trump adds that all three of his team members said that there was a fair amount of tension on the team. Kelly tells the story of Elizabeth's "dictator" move on the last day, and explains that it created a lot of tension. Told that Raj is "not a big fan" of Kelly, Kelly says he gets that. Is he surprised? "Not really." Is he a big fan of Raj? "After this task, I am," Kelly says, going on to credit Raj's hard work. Carolyn also tells Kelly that she thinks he hid behind the laptop forty minutes into the event. He tells her that he was trying to operate as a "hub" for the event, but when Carolyn says it was a mistake to do that in the clubhouse, Kelly actually tells her that he agrees, and now realizes it would have been better to take the laptop and printer and move over closer to the event. "I acknowledge that I missed that hit time by about forty minutes," he says. And then there is thoughtful beeping and whirring.
Asked whether Jen is a good leader, Kelly says that he hasn't seen Jennifer lead. Asked whether she thinks Kelly is a good leader, Jen says, "I question Kelly's integrity." And on what basis? Well, she's overheard him talking about her, and when she goes up and tells him that she's overheard his private conversations, he won't discuss them with her. You know, I really don't see what this has to do with integrity. I've heard this a few times recently on different shows, that you lack integrity if you say bad things about people behind their backs. But you really don't. You don't lack integrity for not liking someone, or for discussing with someone else the fact that you don't like them. Now, if Kelly were claiming to be Jen's best friend and then were talking about her to other people, that's a lot more sketchy. But just not liking people is not a blemish on your integrity. And if they happen to overhear a conversation in which you say you don't like them, well, that's very unfortunate. And they're not going to like you for it, because nobody likes people who say unkind things about them. But that is not, in itself, an issue having any discernible relationship to integrity, that I can see. And it's not like Jen has a right to demand that Kelly share all of his thoughts "to her face" if he chooses to keep them to themselves. This whole thing -- this idea that people are only selective about what they choose to say for reasons of "cowardice" -- strikes me as so dumb. Sometimes people choose not to tell you what they think of you because they know you won't change the behavior, or because they don't want to hurt your feelings, or because they know you'll throw an apoplectic fit, or because they don't consider you worth arguing with. It's not a character flaw not to shit-talk people to their faces, provided you're not pretending to be their friend or using them for money or free movie tickets or job opportunities or something.
“ Jen: 'I had employees that I inspired even though I had previously fired them.' Okay, first of all, Stacy is the only one even arguably 'inspired' by Jen. Second of all, 'I had previously fired them'? HAHAHA! ”
Kelly basically says this, telling Jen that it's her own problem if she's going around the suite eavesdropping on other people's conversations. In other words, the fact that you overhear something doesn't make it any of your business, even if it's about you. When he explains that this was happening in the suite partly because people did come to him and talk about her, she tries to attack him about why other people would be coming to him to complain about her, which...well, because they don't like you, Jen. People talk. Especially when you don't have any friends to stick up for you. It's not that complicated. Her whole approach is so weird. It's like...you can decide you don't give a shit about what people think of you, but you have to accept that, sometimes, that means people won't like you, and you can't be this precious about it, it seems to me. "Kelly is manipulative, and he's doing it right now," Jen declares, in spite of the fact that she's the one who brought this entire thing up, so it's not clear to me how Kelly is manipulating anything.
Trump moves on to asking Jen why he should hire her. "I think you should absolutely hire me," she says. "I have the passion and the drive...I stayed up for almost two nights straight -- three days straight, excuse me -- and I had employees that I inspired even though I had previously fired them." Okay, first of all, Stacy is the only one even arguably "inspired" by Jen. Second of all, "I had previously fired them"? HAHAHA! See? You can see it. Jen believes that she manipulated who was fired at various points in the game, which is exactly what people have accused her of. She sits back and figures out how to blame a particular person for something that went on, and then she sees that as her accomplishment in effectively "firing" that person. It's a Freudian slip, sort of, but I think it speaks volumes. Jen believes that she has manipulated the outcome, and it makes her look like exactly the sneaky-ass operator that other people have continually said she was. She spends every task not figuring out how to win the task, but instead figuring out how to get someone else fired. So she sees Pamela's firing and Chris's firing -- both of which happened on teams she was on -- as accomplishments of hers. See? She's an evil genius, but evil geniuses are still evil.
Anyway, Jen says, "I have what it takes. I don't think Kelly does." Very convincing response, there.
Now, Trump asks Kelly why Trump should hire him. He says that he's stepped up on the tasks, and that he seeks, rather than shirks, leadership positions. The montage speeds up as they go back and forth praising themselves, and then finally, Trump tells them that he congratulates both of them. They're both good folks. But now they have to leave, so that he can talk to George and Carolyn about the myriad ways in which they suck.
Tune in to our recap for the tale of Who Gets The Job, as well as the Pro-Kelly Pile-On, the Confusion of the Jennifers, John Tries To Set Himself Up With Lots Of Chicks, and Robin Claiming She Doesn't Think Raj Is Cute When She Totally Does.
What, you thought three hours was going to be covered in one recap? Are you new?