Credits. I want to thank all of you, by the way, who came out this week as closet chair-dancers. I feel very supported by the community. I'm a little alarmed at the number of you who involve your pets. I just want to encourage you to respect the dignity of all of God's creatures, except for cats, because cats are really funny, especially when you put Halloween masks on them.
Night shots of Manhattan, and then we are with Kwame as he approaches S4, where the others are presumably enjoying the very last Aspiring Corporate Weasel Death Watch of all time. Sniffle! As Kwame enters, Bill is in the middle of discussing the Boardroom with Amy and Nick, but he stops when he hears the door open and close, and he leans to look. "There he is," Bill says simply as Kwame rounds the corner. "Everything I do from now on is dedicated to Troy," Kwame says as Bill semi-hugs him. Nick's like, "Why?", because Nick's brain chokes on the idea of dedicating anything to anyone other than yourself. Kwame tells him it's nothing in particular, it was just intense, and neither he nor Troy wanted to see the other one leave. Nick shakes his hand, and then Amy stands up and gives him a hug, hugging him extra-tight with this big grin on her face, because she is one hundred percent devoted to her role as Cute Girl Everyone Totally Loves, And Does Not Find Annoying At All, Even If It Sometimes Seems Like They Do. "At this point, I'm doing it for Troy," Kwame interviews. "I mean, that's my boy. And even though I've only known him for a short period of time, I know that there's a true friendship there. You know, I wanted to go into this final competition versus him, not without him." I love Kwame's gold tie, by the way. I'll say this about Kwame -- the kid can dress.
"So that's it," Kwame remarks as they sit around. "Final four," Bill adds. Indeed, Boyfriend Bill, that it is.
Traffic footage, the moon, and...morning. The phone rings, and Kwame answers it, as he so often does, providing the weekly Shot of Kwame's Rise-and-Shine Glorious Legs. Hey, I have nothing negative to say about that innovation except that it started too late. Robin tells Kwame that they need to meet Trump at the Esquire Suite in Trump World Tower. I suspect that Robin, in retrospect, is very sad that she didn't drop by to deliver the instructions to Kwame personally, because unfortunately, The Rise-and-Shine Glorious Legs do not really translate over the telephone. ["Or…do they?" -- Sars] We see the final four stroll into the building, as Bill comments that, indeed, as the episode title suggests, things are getting "down to the wire."
They get off the glinting gold elevator and enter a large room where not only Trump, George, and Carolyn, but the Four Horsemen of The Apprentice (tm franabanana) are waiting for them. Trump welcomes them to "the Esquire suite." Apparently, the entire suite was designed by Esquire magazine. It's pretty, but it does kind of look like an issue of Esquire exploded, actually. All it needs is some mature, talented actress sprawled on the couch to a big sign proclaiming that she's the one men really lust after, not the young, nubile, big-breasted types -- they swear. Trump congratulates those who remain on making it to the final four, and presents them with their challenge by introducing the Horsemen. Norma is Trump's executive assistant, and she has some serious dark glasses on. Allen is Trump's CFO, and he will not laugh at any mustache jokes. Charlie is the head of acquisitions, and he works simultaneously in every office building you have ever been in. Bullethead Tom is the head of the Trump International Hotel and Tower, and he has a head like...well, you know. These four will be interviewing the four candidates. Then, they'll be passing along recommendations to Trump about who to fire. After the interviews, not one but two of the remaining candidates will get the boot. "So you'd better do a good job with your interviews," he tells them. The Horsemen have a combined service of over 75 years working for Trump, he mentions. Golly. That's quite a history for four people. A little church chime goes "Dong!" in the background, like it's commemorating all of the important family ceremonies that the Horsemen have missed while toiling away to invent the Trump National Sparkly Building Company. Trump adds that the Horsemen's recommendations will be a yooge factor in whom he fires, because these are the kinds of people they'll have to work with if they actually get the job.
Nick interviews that he's happy to be on to real interviews rather than "lemonade stands." He says this is the point anyway -- "Can you hang and bang with the heavy hitters in the Trump organization?" Um, "hang and bang"? Okay, Nick. The first is kind of dorky and dated, and the second is really not a respectable way for a young man to get gainful employment, all right? Oh, and also, considering Nick's extremely high opinion of his own hanging-and-banging abilities, I would just like to say, getting slightly ahead of myself? Ha. Ha. Ha.
Kwame meets with Allen. Allen asks him about the fact that he's heard Kwame is low-energy. Kwame disagrees, and counters that he thinks he just "wears [his] energy differently" than the others do. Allen asks whether Kwame thinks that Trump, who is a high-energy guy, might perceive him as not pushing hard enough.
Cut to Charlie, who is interviewing Amy. He asks Amy for her description of the Trump organization. She "answers" by telling him what she thinks she has to offer, which as an answer is not even in the same zip code as the question. And that's pretty much what Charlie tells her. He asks her again how she thinks the organization works. She again talks about how you need to be a person who can be a devil's advocate. Again, not the question. Basically, Amy doesn't know dick about the Trump organization, and she's trying like hell to avoid saying so. She admits openly that she doesn't know anything about construction, so Charlie asks her how she's going to deal with some grizzled old contractor who hits her with the old "hey, lady, you don't know what you're doing" line. Now, a lot of people didn't like that question, on the theory that it was sexist for him to imply that the construction guy would call her "lady." I, on the other hand, suspect that Charlie would have asked Kwame exactly the same question, had he said he didn't know anything about construction -- only you'd substitute "Harvard guy" for "lady." I think the issue is handling your own inexperience around people who know more than you do, and Amy seems to have no answer.
We join Bill and Norma as he is in the middle of answering the "tell me about one of your weaknesses" question. He, like everyone who has read Interviewing For Big Stupidheads or whatever, is trying the "sometimes I work too hard" answer, telling her that he's "never satisfied," which "can be a curse." The funny thing is that in Bill's case, that really is a weakness, because he never relaxes and is always unhappy about how things are going. But of course, Norma has no way of knowing that Bill's inner diva really does come out when his perfectionism isn't satisfied. Thus, she thinks he's bullshitting her, and she tells him that she doesn't think that's genuinely a weakness. I think what goes unspoken is that she doesn't even think he thinks it's a weakness, so she'd like to hear a real weakness, please. I don't suppose she'd consider something like, "For a good-looking guy, I have a surprisingly hard time getting my hair to obey the laws of physics."
Nick is laying it on thick with Tom, claiming to be "well-spoken [and] smart" and to "[have] an effect on people that's positive." Someday, I would be very interested in meeting the Nick Nick sees when he looks in the mirror, because he seems like a really different guy from the Nick I see when I look at the television. Tom asks Nick what he has to offer other than charisma, which is a little like asking Stone Phillips what she has to offer other than raw animal magnetism. Nick interviews at this point that the questions were difficult, and he didn't know whether everybody would be able to "handle it." Not everybody! But Nick can handle it! Meanwhile, Allen asks Nick what he would do on his first day. Nick says he'd introduce himself and "present a vision for the organization." Allen is kind of surprised that Nick would lay out his vision before he even had a day of experience. Heh.
Tom says to Bill, "You're getting by on your instincts. You're sure as hell not getting by on your education." Bill stops Tom and says that he's very proud of his education. I almost think that question was kind of a test, because it was so rude that I think he almost wanted to know how Bill would handle something that might make a lot of people feel defensive. I think he came off pretty well -- firm, but not particularly bitchy. Elsewhere, Norma asks Amy if she'd have a problem hiring women, and Amy says, "Not at all." Amy just wants lots of friends! And everyone loves her! And when she steals your boyfriend, you don't even mind! Amy is so awesome! Charlie, meanwhile, talks to Nick about needing to learn on his own. Allen talks about obligations to family and car loans. Tom talks to Bill about the problems he would face as the new "hot shot." In a nicely cut sequence, the interviews speed up and the shots speed up, and you get a very good, tense, interview-y feel as the candidates squirm under the gaze of the Horsemen. "Thank you for your time," Allen finally says, and it's over.
Bill interviews, after the grilling is over, that the questions were tough, and that the Horsemen would have eaten you alive if you were unprepared or not able to handle the pressure. Back in S4, Amy tells him that she knew she wasn't making any sense during part of the interview. "Hopefully, it's the quality of how I deliver it, and not what I say." And then she laughs, because she thinks she's sort of kidding. Which she isn't. Amy tells the camera in a street interview that she's not sure she really did all that well, and she's not feeling confident the way she has before. Yeah. The other...one time she's been to the Boardroom, which was with obvious sitting duck Katrina. This is quite the change of pace from that old tiresome pattern, I suppose. Amy says that the outcome just "depends on what skill set" they want. If they want the giggling skill, for instance, she's got that one. Or the skill of short-skirt-wearing. Or, of course, if they want everyone to have crushes on her. Because she can do that, too. Just ask her.
Trump meets with the Horsemen to find out what they thought of everyone. Trump asks Norma who impressed her the most. She says that she really liked Boyfriend Bill. She liked both his manner and his content. Charlie says that he, too, felt immediately like he could relate to Bill. He says that Bill "could hit the ground running and would require very little supervision." Allen, asked what he thought of Kwame, talks about the low-energy issue, and about Kwame's claim that energy isn't always worn on the outside. "He may be right about that," Trump comments. He goes on to say something kind of insightful (I know!) about how a lot of people who show a lot of energy on the outside wind up throwing around a lot of "wasted energy." And if anyone knows about wasted energy, it's a guy who uses a retired commercial airliner as a private jet. Tom adds that Kwame has a level of likeability that's potentially very helpful. He says that anyone who people like has an advantage, because they can get just that extra minute or two to negotiate, and that can make a huge difference.
Interestingly, we cut up to S4 at this point, where Kwame is talking about the fact that Tom really got him with a tough question about basically giving Tom a reason to put in a good word for him. Apparently, Tom asked Kwame about his losing record and how he would explain it. Nick comments that he saw Kwame, and felt that Kwame didn't look confident after the interviews were over. He thinks the same was true of Bill. Yeah, those guys are dead meat for sure. Long live Bayonne! The four of them head out of S4 to go see Trump.
Asked what he thought of Nick, Charlie says, "I like Nick a lot as a person." Uh-oh. Heh. Post-interview is the only time you really, really don't want anyone to like you "as a person." Charlie says that Nick, however, is "not a sharp kind of guy" and "clearly doesn't present himself as an intellect." That's a very interesting, and awfully cutting, remark. Allen chimes in that, like a lot of other people, he thinks Nick is a great salesman. Very in your face, very pushy. "But there's nothing behind that," he says. Tom says he doesn't see Nick running a company. "I think he's a little too slick for his own good," Tom says. Furthermore, Tom didn't feel like he knew Nick at the end of the interview.
And now, let's discuss Amy. Norma thought Amy "would get on [her] nerves after a while." HA! Oh, how the flighty have fallen. Norma goes on to say that Amy seems to enjoy being the enthusiastic, super-happy girl with the "big smile and the perfect teeth." Snerk. "Honestly, Mr. Trump," Tom says, "she irritated the hell out of me." Again, HA! Tom says that Amy seems to have a lot of drive, but he's not sure "what her motivation is." Charlie says, "She reminded me of a Stepford wife." Ow. Charlie gets even more blunt: "Within fifteen minutes, I was dead bored with talking to her." I guess now we know why she wears the short skirts. "Her words had no content. Her answers were basically meaningless." Charlie even calls her out for having "an empty personality." Zoiks. Trump, surprised at their strong reactions to some of his chosen candidates, says that he has a pretty good sense of what he's going to do , and he dismisses the Horsemen. As they leave, they pass the candidates, who are already waiting in the lobby. Trump buzzes Robin and has her send the final four into the Boardroom.
Inside, Trump assures them that firing any of them at this point is "tough." Nevertheless, you can't be the big boss if you're not willing to throw worthwhile people out of work, so two are about to be fired. Trump asks whether Nick thinks Kwame is good. "He's good," Nick says. "He's a Harvard guy." Trump starts to elaborate on what he means by this, and George tries to jump in and help him explain it, and Trump's all, "George, George, let me finish." Hey, ease up on George, there, Trump. George is a legend. You can be replaced by Richard Branson, if necessary. You're not the only mogul with stupid hair. "Do you think Kwame is good at leading?" Trump asks Nick. Nick opines that Kwame needs to work on his leadership. Now, Trump asks Kwame about Nick. Kwame says that he wouldn't be crazy about working for Nick, and while he thinks Nick is good, he doesn't think he's great. Now, Trump asks Bill who he would get rid of if he were only getting rid of one person. "At this point," Bill says, finally answering a question like this straightforwardly, "I would get rid of Nick." Bam! Bill goes on to say that while Nick has experience "in a sales capacity," he doesn't have broad, diverse experience. Nick objects to this, but Trump points out that everyone says this same thing -- great sales guy, not much more.
Trump turns to Amy. Who would she get rid of? Well, she would get rid of Nick, she says easily. Trump has a little fun at her expense, telling her, "You're very cold. You're a cold-hearted person." Bill and Kwame laugh, and Kwame covers his eyes. Now, while it's true that Trump probably would have made a different comment in terms of the wording if Amy had been a guy, it's also true that when Troy brought Kwame to the Boardroom, Trump told Kwame, "Your best friend just screwed you." So this is not the first time that Trump has hassled people for Boardroom decisions made at the expense of someone they were supposed to have a personal friendship with. It's also true that Amy's insistence on using the teenage construct that Nick "has a crush on her" has been a major contributor to Trump's stupid fascination with this story, so she has no one but herself to blame. Amy just sits there miserably, taking this in.
Nick makes one last stand in his own defense. "I ask you to look at this specifically," he says. "Why is Trump Trump?" He argues that people come to work every day for Trump because of his personal ability to inspire people, and Nick -- contrary to all indications -- thinks that he has that same ability. I think in the future, Nick's presentation of himself needs a little more "show" and a little less "tell." ["And a little less Nick. Heh." -- Sars] Trump returns to the fact that opinion seems to be unanimous that Nick is a good salesman, but not really a leader. He says that it's important to command people's respect in order to run a business like this, and it just doesn't seem like Nick commands that kind of respect. "Unfortunately, I have to say...you're fired." Nick pretty graciously thanks everyone in the room for the opportunity, and he gets up to go. "You really are outstanding," Trump says to him. "That you are," Carolyn agrees. As Nick heads downstairs to the taxi, he says that at his particular age, he doesn't have the same kind of experience that the other three have, and he seems to think that was the deciding factor, as opposed to his grating personality and lack of substance, which seemed to be what set the Horseteeth on edge. He says he's excited to have done it, and he did his best. He has no regrets, and so forth. "Sooner or later, it's all going to happen," he says. Because destiny has preordained it, after all. In a cave somewhere in Egypt, there is a hieroglyphic of a guy with red hair selling a copier while being slowly lifted to heaven.
Back in the Boardroom, Trump asks Amy if she thinks Bill is as smart as Kwame. She gives one of the most weaselly answers I've ever heard, which is, "I think academically, Kwame would...uh...um, succeed...more." Good grief. Boyfriend Bill takes exception to this, saying that although he chose not to attend business school, that was a conscious choice on his part because he wanted to start his own business, not a reflection of the inability to get into graduate school. Which I suspect is quite true. "Just because I chose a different path doesn't necessarily mean I'm any less intelligent than anyone at this table." "I totally agree with that," Kwame says, without qualification, cutting Amy's shapely and oft-exposed legs directly out from under her by making it sound like even he thinks she's being a snob. Trump moves to the "energy" issue. "It seems to me that Amy has more energy than both of you," he says to the guys. "I respectfully disagree," Bill says. He tells Trump that he thinks Amy "channels her energy in a different way." He says that she "verbalizes her energy to everyone in the room." Zing! Trump asks Amy about the fact that she's been "a superstar" previously, but there have been some real negative reactions to her coming out of the interviews. He asks her what he should do, and she goes for the big wiggle again, saying that it's all just up to him depending on what skills he's looking for. He compliments her on what a great job she's been doing up until today, but today, there were major problems. He brings up the fact that all of the executives seemed to be in agreement that when push came to shove, Amy simply had nothing to say. "It's a tough decision, but Amy, I have to fire you," he says. "Okay," she says meekly. She hugs Bill and Kwame on the way out.
As Amy hits the taxi, she says that she views the show as "a thirteen-week accelerated MBA." Oh, you do, do you? I'm not sure wiggling your ass in front of Planet Hollywood and hustling guys on the sidewalk for lemonade is in any MBA program I've ever heard of, but...everyone has her own definition of smarts, I suppose. Amy talks about how much she's learned, saying how she's discovered that she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. I know it makes me kind of a horrible person, but I'm always struck by people who say that losing taught them that they can do anything. Because that seems incongruous to me. It's a good lesson, but it seems to me that you should claim to learn it at a moment of triumph, not a moment of slinking off to The Island of Misfit Apprentices.
Up in the Boardroom, Trump congratulates Kwame and Bill on not only doing well over the course of the tasks, but on impressing all of the executives. Carolyn looks extremely pleased, and so does George, that they've come down to these two guys, who both have flaws but seem like basically decent guys. Trump sends them up to the suite, instructing them to meet him back in the Boardroom the morning at 10:00.
On what appears to be the morning, accompanied by the Tinkling Piano of Reflection, Bill and Kwame head out on the roof, where they crack open a bottle of champagne. There's no wrong time of day for champagne, apparently. Because nothing says "young, hungry executive" like showing up to work soused. Kwame interviews that they just had a good morning and wished each other good luck. They sip and talk. "To opportunity," they toast. Bill interviews that he's played as well as he could, and he's tried not to act different from the way he really is, because he figures that if you win that way, they're going to find you out soon enough anyway, so there's not much point. I love that sentiment, incidentally, and agree with it.
And now, this Kwame interview. "My mom was the first person in my family to go to college and finish," he says matter-of-factly. "The first person. My grandpa signed his name like a...like a runaway slave, with a X. I went to Harvard Business School, and my grandfather signed his name with a X. If that's not the American dream, I don't know what it is, in terms of access to opportunity." And honestly...that gave me chills, no fooling. I loved that. I almost cried. Because...he's right. And he's awesome, and the more he's on, the more I love him. Moreover, don't forget, Kwame's mom died when he was young, too. You want to talk about a guy who's had some odds to beat? Talk to this guy, because...yeah, those are some odds. And is he complaining? No. What he's talking about is gratitude for access to opportunity, which is probably a lot more gracious than a lot of other people would be in his position. And have been, Assorama.
"May the best man win," Kwame says to Bill. "I think we already have," Boyfriend Bill says. Seriously. Two good guys, I think. Not perfect guys, and not always guys I would want to work for (particularly Bill), but good guys, I think, for the most part.
When we return from commercial, the week's business motto title card says, "Dog Does Not Eat Dog." Trump explains to us that the best thing you can do as a businessperson is to be surrounded by "talented people who also happen to be loyal." He also adds that if someone isn't loyal to you once, you shouldn't give them a second chance, because they won't be loyal time, either. We watch Boyfriend Bill and Kwame walk into the Boardroom and greet George and Carolyn. Trump joins them. He opens with a lame remark about how everyone thought he'd pick a pretty woman. Good God, who thought that? I certainly didn't. "I'm stuck with two guys," he says, in a way he thinks is endearing. "The fact is that you guys were the best, and when it comes to business, I don't play games." Trump explains to them that their final task will involve overseeing a pair of big events. Bill will be running the Chrysler Trump Golf Tournament, while Kwame will be running the Jessica Simpson concert at the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Hey, that's not fair. Whoever has to deal with Jessica Simpson should get a head start or be spotted five points or something, because golf balls are far more self-reliant than Jessica. I'm serious -- compared to Jessica, golf balls live by their wits. Trump says that their last test will be how they do running this event. And only one person will become the Apprentice. As bosses, they're going to need employees, so Trump is going to bring in some people from whom they will select their staff. He buzzes to Robin to let "the people" come into the Boardroom, and she tells the unseen visitors that they can go in.
The Boardroom door opens, and Troy is the first through the door. Somewhere, I envision Sars yelling, "TROOOOY!" ["That's more or less what happened." -- Sars] Heidi, Katrina, Nick, Amy, and Assorama follow. Heidi seems particularly fixated on touching Bill and Kwame a lot, with the arm-rubbing and the shoulder-clasping. "See how they're kissing your ass already?" Trump observes. Snerk. George and Carolyn laugh. Trump tells the guys that they'll be picking who they want on their team. Bill will get the first pick, and who does he pick? Amy, of course. Could my eyes roll any more? Will these guys ever stop throwing hunks of buffalo meat into the gaping maw of her enormous ego? Jesus. Kwame, predictably, picks his "main man in combat, Troy McClain." Awww. I was so happy to see them together again, it was a little bit wrong. Bill's pick is Katrina. Really? Before Nick? Or Heidi? Does Bill not remember how horrible Katrina has been to him on certain occasions? And also...well, Sars will share her now-famous sentiment regarding Katrina with you right about here. ["HATE!" -- Sars] Kwame picks Assorama, which is completely preposterous, but which makes me laugh, because...take that, Heidi. There's also an interesting theory floating around on the forums that Kwame knew he was stuck with her because he had the last pick, and it would be better not to pick her last, since she's such a horribly bad sport and probably carrying a grudge anyway. It's an interesting theory. I'd like to think that was why he picked her when he did. At any rate, left with Nick and Heidi, Bill picks Nick. Kwame is stuck with Heidi. She smiles tightly. Looks good on you, loser.
Trump tells the staff that now, they are the employees. They'll be taken to their respective destinations separately, while Bill and Kwame ride in style in private limos. Oooh, nice. Trump hands out instructions to the guys, and sends everyone on their way. As they all leave the building, Kwame interviews that interestingly, when they had the opportunity to choose their teams, they both chose exactly the same teams they had before -- and indeed, this is the same configuration that was in play during the art task, which Kwame PM'd and lost by a factor of about fifteen, so...it's like "don't mess with success," only in Kwame's case, the opposite of that. Kwame comments on how odd it was to have the rest of his team travel by SUV while he traveled by Town Car. He apparently enjoyed it, though, as he explains how he spent the drive figuring out how to "deploy" the members of his team so that they could "hit the ground running" once they got to Atlantic City. That fascinates me. I've always wanted a job where I could be "deployed" without encountering any physical danger. You don't really "deploy" writers, though. Except in the case of recapping American Idol. (Rimshot!) Kwame talks to his people on the Space Communicator, and tells them what their assignments will be. He tells Assorama she's going to be on logistics, because he thinks they'll be good at that. "Oh, completely," she says. "We've got to make sure that you shine." Kwame tells her he appreciates it, and he thinks they'll do the task as a team. He repeats in his interview that micromanagement is not his style -- he gives the plan, and then he follows up and makes sure people are executing it.
At Briarcliff Manor, Bill and Team Bill arrive, as Bill voices over that he "wasn't going to be able to rest until [he] blueprinted a plan." Ick. "Blueprinted a plan" is the kind of thing that gives me unpleasant visions of PowerPoint presentations where the words "strategic partnering" come spinning out of the center of the screen. Bill says that he wanted to meet with Lesley Rey, who's the director of sales and events. He tells us that the team immediately went into action, but he tells us this in an interview in which he is wearing shoes and no socks again. I am still against the ankle porn. I'm telling you -- jeans and bare feet good, shoes and no socks bad. BAD. Anyway, inside, he meets with the rest of Team Bill, as well as Lesley, who's sitting in on the meeting. He gives out tasks to each person -- Katrina is in charge of gift bags for players, and so forth. Bill voices over that it wasn't an easy transition, both because teammates were now employees and because the environment was unfamiliar and they were taking over people's office space. He says he had "a lot to prove," and then we see him ask Amy whether the plan sounds good. She nods. He asks Nick, who gives him a noncommittal "yeah." Nick interviews that he's helping Bill...and then he yawns. "I'm an employee and...yeah, that's great." Prick. Well, it's nice to know that Nick, called upon to do anything that isn't about himself, can barely stay awake. Hmm. That reputation isn't going to help you with the ladies, you know, Nick.
Atlantic City. We are back at the Taj Mahal, with its elephant sculptures and neon signs and other incredibly lifelike simulations of everyday life in India. Kwame is leading a meeting with a bunch of folks, including Secondary NotGeorge, who has returned for this special event. Kwame asks Secondary NotGeorge how he defines a successful event at the Taj Mahal. Ooh, great question. Secondary NotGeorge probably mentions several things, but the one we hear about is that the artist has to be taken care of from the time they arrive until the time they leave. You don't suppose that will come up, do you? The meeting breaks.
That night, Team Kwame eats dinner somewhere in the Taj Mahal. Kwame is running down a list of action items from a steno pad. As the team talks, Assorama receives a phone call at the table on the restaurant's cordless phone. She takes the phone away from the table, and as she paces, she talks to Diane, who is the entertainment coordinator. Diane explains that she called Assorama and "told her to make sure" that Jessica Simpson and the band were taken care of as far as their arrival. Assorama asks Diane on the phone whether she (Diane) can make the arrangements. Then Assorama says, "Unfortunately, we're sitting in the middle of, uh..." Her voice trails off so that she doesn't have to say "dinner." In an interview in her office, Diane says that Assorama's response was that she was having dinner, and could Diane take care of it, and so forth. "All righty, I'll see you tomorrow, bye bye," Assorama says. I'd point out that we didn't get video of Diane's side of that conversation at all. ["Possibly because it consisted almost entirely of curse words." -- Sars]
Troy interviews that when Assorama got the phone call, they all assumed it was something to do with the task. But when he asked her about the phone call, she refused to tell them what it was about. The problem is that it isn't clear that she even admitted that it was business-related, so if she's saying she received a phone call and won't talk about it, I'm not sure what you can do. I mean, if it were personal, you can't make her tell you about it just because you were sitting there when she received the call.
The morning, we are still in Atlantic City. Team Kwame is hanging out in his room, eating breakfast. (Ah, room service. LOVE room service. For those of you going to Vegas, have the continental breakfast at the Aladdin. It's the best thirty dollars you will ever spend on coffee, juice, and three pastries as big as your head.) Assorama tells the group that "Jessica" arrives at midnight, and she thinks they should all be there to greet her. Kwame says he agrees. The phone rings in the room, and Assorama answers it. "Kwame Jackson's room, how may I help you?" Assorama says broadly, laughing her ass off at the sheer idea that she might be working for Kwame. Because ha, ha, ha. It's Diane on the other end of the line, and she asks for Kwame. Instead of handing over the phone, Assorama just keeps up the conversation. Diane explains that the van is still at the airport, and doesn't have the correct information for the people it's supposed to be picking up. Kwame interviews that indeed, this call was about "some wrinkle in the travel." He takes the phone in the hotel room, and Diane explains that the travel wasn't properly taken care of, despite the fact that she got in touch with Assorama during dinner. During a break for Diane to go off and do something, Kwame leans away from the phone and says to Assorama, "She says she tried to get in touch with you last night." Assorama's face says it all, and by "all," I mean, "Busted." Diane explains that the van is at the airport, but the arrangements are wrong and it doesn't have the right information about the band's arrival. Kwame double-checks with Diane that she's saying she called Assorama last night about this. Kwame hands the phone back to Assorama, who says she doesn't understand what the "misunderstanding" is. A frustrated Diane says that Assorama needs to find out about the flights and when people are arriving, and she needs to make sure that the right information gets to the right people. "I'll call you right back," says a cornered Assorama, and she hangs up.
When they get off the phone, Kwame presses Assorama. "What was the call about? Was the call about logistics?" Assorama begins to dance: "No, I called her before we ever went to dinner." "No, I'm talking about at Mark Anthony [the restaurant where they ate]," Kwame comes back. She momentarily freezes. "What do you mean?" she says, as she tries to think of something to say. "You got a call at Mark Anthony, at the table, she says that's when she called you and talked to you about something." "But I didn't get her when they called me at Mark Anthony, they just told me I needed to call back the office. She had already left." Troy and Kwame press her on why, then, she didn't tell them last night what the call was about. "The call was just to call her," Assorama insists. Kwame picks up the phone and calls back Diane. In an interview, he says, "I'm just used to dealing with really competent people, so if you say you're going to do something, it gets handled. And it's rare that, you know, in my experience, folks just totally drop the ball." In the hotel room, Kwame is on the phone with Diane, telling her that he apologizes for the problems. He explains in an interview, "If I'm running the show, I would fire people who weren't competent, and get competent people. But I didn't have the luxury of doing that." Back on the phone, he apologizes to Diane again, says, "Take care," and hangs up. As he turns away from the phone, he says to no one in particular, "That's just silly." And my feeling about that line was that in real life, she is so fired. I think he knows she fucked up, I think he knows she's lying to him, and I think in a real world situation, he would have cut her dead. Kwame strikes me as one of those guys who could shake your hand, tell you it's nothing personal, and fire you on the spot.
There has been, of course, plentiful speculation about whether this was somehow planned, given that it's such an egregious, unambiguous, and demonstrable lie. There are those who believe that this was behavior she was somehow told to engage in -- that Assorama is a mole, or a plant, or represents a special kind of test as part of the final task. Most of this speculation arises, I guess, from the belief that no one would be shitty enough to just lie through her teeth about what happened in order to avoid being blamed, and that no one would be stupid enough to expect to get away with it in this setting. I don't believe the plant/mole theory for a minute, for several reasons.
First, if she were a mole engaging in planned sabotage, it would be better television if they told us that. It would be better television to watch her scheming to undermine him after being directed to do so. All you'd have to do is show her receiving a separate set of instructions and explaining them in an interview. Easy to do, and much more tension-creating, because you'd see every mistake Kwame was making in not dealing with her, and you'd know what the stakes were. Second, her lying to save her own ass isn't really sabotage of Kwame. By then, Diane had already told Kwame that she talked to Assorama, and there's no doubt in my mind that Kwame knew by the end of that scene that Assorama had screwed up -- witness his "I didn't have the luxury of firing her" speech. I can imagine Assorama screwing up the transportation to "test" Kwame, but lying about something like whether she talked to Diane? That does nothing but save her own ass. It doesn't hurt him any more than he's already been hurt by the screw-up itself. Third, they showed things that just don't make any sense if it's planned. Why would they show Diane explaining what she told Assorama to do? Why would Diane have called and yelled at Assorama about it instead of going right to Kwame? Is the theory that Diane wasn't in on it? They arranged to sabotage the transportation of the entertainer and the band, and they didn't tell the director of entertainment? I think that's impossible. These are real events, and I don't believe that the show would or could arrange to have them genuinely fucked up, and if it did, the very first thing it would do was tell everyone who needed to know, in order to make sure that no actual harmful screw-ups took place. And the first person you would tell? Would be Diane, meaning that the conversation between her and Assorama on the phone at Mark Anthony's would never have happened, because Kwame wasn't aware of it and it therefore wouldn't benefit the charade for them to go through the motions of having that chat.
And finally, I don't believe she's a plant because it's completely consistent with everything else Assorama does. Even putting aside the "n-word" story that I promised to never touch again, she has been nailed for lying about a whole pantload of stuff since she got off the show. It's very sad, but it appears that this is what she does. I don't see any reason to think this is some kind of planned sabotage rather than a continuation of her normal pattern, which quite frankly is getting pretty creepy. And the show can't really be exploiting that pattern, because they didn't know about it when they shot this. It's not like they knew that she was going to get off the show and immediately make up all kinds of shit about the show and everybody on it, so that seeing her lie would make sense. I really don't think she's a plant. I think she just sucks.
Heidi interviews that Kwame lets things slide too much to avoid conflict, which is probably true, but in this situation, it's hard to say what he could have done. He did press Assorama on the phone call, and on what Diane told him. Beyond that, it's hard to say what would have helped. In her office, Diane is making a phone call. "The band got their own transportation," she says unhappily. "Not good." She tells whoever it is on the phone that they can bring the van home, because the band set up their own transportation to the hotel. Again, if this was planned, what's the point of that?
Briarcliff Manor. People are playing golf. In the manager's office, some lady is bitching to Lesley and Carolyn, "Somebody's storing stuff in my garage." She complains that among other things, she "can't be responsible" for the stuff. Lesley takes her in to talk to Bill, who's behind a desk on the phone. He puts the person on the phone on hold. Lesley says that she just found out that the garage of the model home has the inventory for the goody bags in it. Katrina comes up during this part of the conversation, and she seems to have told Bill that there was already stuff in there, because Bill expresses his understanding that "this isn't the first time that was used for storage." When Lesley takes issue, he corrects himself, saying, "Oh, it is the first time." "Well," Lesley says, "it was the first time except for this event." What? Oh, stop being so persnickety, Lesley. Katrina explains that there was already stuff being stored in the garage and she just added some things. "That doesn't seem unreasonable to me," Bill tells Lesley. "But did you get approval?" Lesley asks Katrina. She tells her that it's more "considerate" to get approval from the manager before you use space. And I mean, I hate Katrina and everything, but I seriously doubt that she came up with the idea of storing the goody bag stuff in the garage of the model home, of all places, entirely by herself. (I'm not confident Katrina can make a grilled cheese sandwich entirely by herself.) It seems far more likely that what you had here were two people at the golf club with different understandings -- that somebody told Katrina it would be okay, but it wasn't the person she should have asked. And in that particular situation, Bill wasn't especially rude to Lesley -- he told her it was his understanding that stuff had been stored in there before, which turned out to be true, and I think he backed up Katrina's decision as "not unreasonable" when Lesley twitted at her. He could have been more diplomatic, but I have a feeling he had a difficult day with Lesley.
And part of the reason I think so is his interview, in which he says that Lesley "doesn't have a clue what [he's] capable of doing," and treated him like an idiot from the beginning. So I think that interview is not about storing the stuff in the model home; it appears to come from something else. ["'A disproportionate sense of entitlement' gets my vote." -- Sars] , we see the supplies for the goodie bags being brought into the offices, as there is apparently nowhere else they can be stored. Bill interviews that he's aware that the stuff has "displaced Lesley," but he's not going to worry about what Lesley thinks. "Because what Lesley thinks is irrelevant...I mean, I hate to be a prick [prick? I think so...it was bleeped], but I've got a job to do tomorrow, and I've got to get it done." Lesley and Carolyn look on at the boxes now filling the offices. That is not smart, Boyfriend Bill, even if she's being snippy with you, which I suspect she is.
At the Taj Mahal, Team Kwame sits down for dinner with Joe Simpson, Jessica's father. Heidi claims to be excited about the show. Assorama leaves the table as Joe and the rest of Team Kwame discuss the fact that Jessica is expected around 11:30 to midnight. Assorama says that in the office, she "received a frantic call from Diane." So again, the only way Assorama is a plant is if they haven't told Diane. Which...I'm just not believing. Anyway, Assorama learns on the phone that Jessica is missing. Her driver is there, and she's not there, and there's no luggage. She calls Kwame at the table, where he's eating with Joe and the rest. She informs Kwame about what's happened, and she asks Kwame to "report to the office" (um, he's your boss, dear) so that they can work on finding her. Kwame interviews that he thinks it's very important to "project confidence" and show some "composure" in dealing with issues like this. "Never let 'em see you sweat," he says in an interview. Not sweating is one thing, Kwame. Not kicking ass when there's ass that needs kicking is something else. He and Troy do leave to go speak to Assorama, who tells them that the logistics are all "sloppy." Kwame interviews that he would never hire Assorama in the real world, because it was her job to take care of the transportation, and he assumed she could do it -- wrongly, as it turns out. Kwame tells Assorama in the office that he needs to know where they are and what she needs , because he can't leave Jessica's dad and manager sitting at the table all night. Troy offers to stay and "help" (that is, baby-sit Assorama) so that Kwame can go back to dinner. Assorama interviews that Kwame "was not hands-on, and it turned out to be a huge, huge disaster." She and Troy sit in the office and make calls trying to track down Jessica. "How do you lose a rock star?" she wonders aloud. Um. When it's Jessica Simpson? By allowing her leash to become unclipped, I suspect.
week: the finale. No, really. And then it will be over. So you'd better get ready to start firing your friends for entertainment.