When we return, Spicule confirms that Lindsey sent him the box of recorporealization, and that he was also the one who sent the Amulet of Assitude to Angel. Aw! Lindsey sent Angel jewelry! That is so sweet. Oh, that reminds me: Johanna thinks that Angel hated Harmony so much last week because she stole the amulet from him, or tried to steal it. We have a lot of theories. Sometimes I lose track of them. Lindsey says, "We couldn't leave your spirit trapped in a bauble at the bottom of the Hellmouth." Spicule asks who "we" are, and Lindsey enigmas that there are people who are "powerfully interested" in Spicule. Spicule gets bored and grabs Lindsey's arm, twisting it to show off the runes on Lindsey's skin, and threatens to snap it if Lindsey doesn't start explaining things. Lindsey finally says, "You can call me Doyle." Spicule can, but I'm not going to, because this is all confusing enough.
Back at Wolfram & Hart, Gunn and Wesley are debating how to deal with an evil warlock. Wesley's in favor of assassinating the guy, but as they apprach Harmony's desk, Gunn proposes that they "open a can of Machiavelli on his ass." Harmony -- looking very pretty in a blue top -- sneers, "It's Matchabelli, Einstein, and it doesn't come in a can." Heh. Gunn ignores that and asks, "Is he in?" Harmony duhs, "Is who in?" and so Gunn and Wesley march into Angel's office.
Gunn and Wesley are still arguing, and Angel looks increasingly bewildered by the conversation until he finally snaps, "CEO! Right here! In the dark!" Wesley hands over a folder on one Lucien Drake. Gunn explains that Drake has over a thousand followers who sold their children in exchange for "serious demonic mojo." Wesley adds that the cult is stockpiling WMDs (weapons of magical destruction). But the cult has powerful allies, so they just want to eliminate Drake. Gunn explains, "Then they spend the billing cycle fighting among themselves to hack out the new pecking order." And then when they have a new leader, do you take him out, too? It's not so much a strategy as a delaying tactic. Angel asks, "Are we doing this because it's right, or because it's cost-effective?" Gunn says it's a bit of both, and Wesley admits that it's a grey area. Angel interrupts, "Can we just get through one day without saying that?" He rubs his head and asks them to explain it again.
Back at the Peppermint Stick, Spicule's gotten bored and starts to leave. Lindsey follows, grabbing Spicule by the shoulder as he insists, "You've got a destiny." Spicule whirls and throws Lindsey against a wall. Hey, Spicule, Lindsey only likes that rough stuff when Angel does it. Oh, I can't believe I said that. I blame you all for putting these ideas in my head. As he grips Lindsey's throat, Spicule asks if Lindsey is responsible for their quest for the holy ginger ale. Lindsey rasps that he doesn't know anything, and insists, "I'm just doing what they tell me!" Spicule asks who "they" are, and Lindsey growls, "They! Them!" and points upward. Oh, those. Lindsey explains that he was just an ordinary guy until he started getting visions of "people in trouble, who need a champion." Spicule says that's Angel's shtick, but Lindsey insists that Angel's switched sides, and now nobody's being a meddlesome do-gooder. Lindsey adds that he had a vision right before he came to find Spicule: "If a young girl gets murdered tonight and you didn't lift a finger to stop it, ask yourself, can you live with that?" I'm betting he can. Girls get murdered all the time, really.
“ Lindsey suggests that normally Spicule 'only does good deeds to impress... women.' Spicule gets all offended at that, because it's true. ”
Cut to a girl screaming and running from a vampire in an alley. The vamp shoves her against a wall and prepares to bite her when Spicule approaches with his hands hooked in his belt. Does he think he's Fonzie now? The vamp turns to face Spicule, and is still making threats when Spicule punches him in the throat, knocks him through some convenient wooden fencing, and stakes him. Spicule, looking disgusted, brushes the resulting dust off his coat. The girl starts to thank Spicule, but he snaps, "What do you expect? Out alone in this neighborhood? I've half a mind to kill you myself!" Heh. The girl is confused, and Spicule continues, "What kind of retard wears heels like that in a dark alley?" The girl stammers that she was trying to get home. He points her toward the street and says, "Then get a cab, you moron." She heads out, and he calls after her, "On your way, if a stranger offers you candy, don't get in the van!" Tee hee. Spicule's harranguing is interrupted when Lindsey, perched on a fire escape, asks, "Believe me now?" Spicule is underwhelmed by the accuracy of the vision, pointing out, "You can't throw a stone in this town without hitting some bimbo in trouble." Lindsey compliments Spicule for saving the girl's life, though he suggests being nicer time. Spicule doesn't like the sound of "time," and claims that he was saving people long before Lindsey turned up. Lindsey disagrees: "You just helped a person when there wasn't anything in it for you." He suggests that normally Spicule "only does good deeds to impress...women." Spicule gets all offended at that, because it's true. Lindsey placates Spicule by adding, "From what I hear, Angel didn't save the girl on his first mission." Spicule asks what Angel has to do with this, and Lindsey says, "Nothing. Not anymore."
Gunn and Wesley are still arguing strategy when Fred slips past them to give Angel a lab report. She's wearing a ruffly red blouse and, I swear, a gold lam skirt. Is Cary picking her outfits? That would at least give him something to do. Fred gets drawn into the argument, and I zone out briefly as she takes a very long time to confirm that they have a "microwave cannon" that could kill someone in an untraceable way. Well, hell, why don't they use that all the time? Angel's zoning out too, but he's also looking tired and sweaty. We zoom in on him, closer and closer, and pull back! Eek! Angel suddenly says, "Let's kill them all." The MoG pause as Angel rants, "Warlocks, minions. They're all evil. Sold their kids to the devil. Let's just wipe them all out. We've got the power to do that, right?" Wesley starts to interject a "but," and Angel stands up to say, "Why don't we?" Yeah, really. The first time I watched this, I thought he was being sarcatic, and was about to lecture the MoG about how they couldn't do that. But on review I think he means it, and I also think he's right. Angel shouts that they should get back to basics: "Good versus evil. Offing the monsters where we find them." Gunn starts to explain why that's a bad idea, but since there aren't any convincing arguments to muster, he switches to asking if Angel's all right. Angel rubs his head again and sighs that he's tired. He tells Gunn more calmly to talk to "[his] best Judas," and that if they think Drake will find out, they'll go with Wesley's plan. Fred and Gunn are still concerned about Angel, and Fred tells Angel that maybe he should sleep in tomorrow. Angel says there's too much going on, but the MoG are quick to say they can get along without him. Wesley watches intently as Angel heads for the elevator.
“ Spicule stares at his stake- cuffs, and as the rescued couple stop cowering behind a car, the guy asks, 'What were those things?' I expect Spicule to say, 'They're stakes. Sharpened bits of wood.' ”
Angel steps out into his boring-ass apartment. Wesley suddenly walks in and starts to help Angel into the bedroom. Lindsey will kill him if he tries anything. Ack! Dammit, get out of my head! Angel sits on the bed and explains that he feels weird. Wesley guesses that Angel's having a hard time adjusting to the situation: "Finally adjusting to the truth. That you're irrelevant. It's difficult to face, I know." Well, you would, Wesley. Wesley adds that Spicule's arrival makes things simpler, and pulls out a stake. Angel "Wha?"s, and then Wesley stakes him. Angel screams.
And then Angel's alone in his bedroom, gasping.
After the ads, Spicule is re-enacting the fight from the teaser of "City of." Only this time he's protecting a guy and a girl instead of two girls. There are also some prolonged slow-motion shots, and while I'm sure everyone reading this is as sick of my complaining about this as I am...I just caught "Five by Five" earlier today, and not only is the fight between Faith and Angel cool, but I don't think that there's any slo-mo. I'm sure there's a nifty stunt or two in there that I miss because it's not shown frame-by-frame, but seeing all the punching and kicking without a pause to process it makes it feel a lot more brutal. When you see the moves in slow motion, you start admiring the stunt work instead of feeling the intensity of the fight. And I'm pretty sure the latter is what you want. Where was I? Oh yeah, fighting. Spicule winds things up by using Angel's old dual-staking move from the pilot, which is just hilarious. Spicule stares at his stake-cuffs, and as the rescued couple stop cowering behind a car, the guy asks, "What were those things?" I expect Spicule to say, "They're stakes. Sharpened bits of wood." But in fact, the guy is asking about the vampires. Spicule says they're better off not knowing, and starts to walk away. The girl asks Spicule who he is. With his back to them, Spicule says, "I'm the hero." I kind of wish we'd seen his face for that line, because I'd like to know if he was being sincere or sarcastic. Although maybe it's intentional that we don't see his face, so that we don't know how he means it.
Blipvert. The day, Wesley gives Harmony something to pass on to Accounting. Can't he give it to them? He just put it in an inter-office mail envelope; it seems like that ought to be enough to get it to them. Harmony says that she needs Angel's approval to talk to Accounting: "I accidentally authorized a few Bath of the Month subscriptions." Wesley stares. Harmony insists, "On accident [sic]!" Wesley tells her to use his authorization code. Harmony grabs the envelope and leaves just as Eve enters, holding a broken bit of stone. Eve says she's looking for Angel, but Wesley says that Angel is "indisposed." Eve hesitates, but Wesley says, "Angel's just going to hand it off to me anyway, so you might as well show it to me now." Eve hands over the rock, which has some runes inscribed on it, and says that the Senior Partners want to know all about it as soon as possible. Eve strolls off, and Harmony rushes over to tell Wesley that she's supposed to tell Angel about anything to do with the Senior Partners. Wesley says he's got it covered. Harmony adds that she's also supposed to tell Angel about anything with runes on it. "And not try and read the runes myself. 'Cause that can cause a fire." Heh. Angel's sudden hatred for Harmony is starting to make more sense. Wesley says that when they know what it is, they'll tell Angel, but for now they'll let him rest.
“ Fred pulls out a long string of beads, or possibly pearls, depending on how Freudian you're feeling. ”
In his apartment, Angel's still in bed, panting and sweating and so on. He opens his eyes upon hearing Fred call his name. Fred, still in yesterday's outfit, enters the bedroom and tells Angel he looks awful. Angel moans, "I think something's wrong." Fred reassures him nervously, and then pulls a latex glove on while menacing, "Let's take a look under the hood."
Fred gloves her other hand, and now she's in a lab coat, and Angel's bedroom has turned into the lab. Angel looks increasingly nervous as Fred wheels a cart with a bucket on it to the bed. She picks up a scalpel and starts to slice open Angel's chest while he gasps. She looks down at the cavity she's opened and cheerily says, "Let's get these out of the way." Angel begs her to stop as Fred pulls out his liver and kidneys, and drops them in the bucket. They don't look like a real liver and kidneys -- well, it looks like a nice slice of liver, and maybe those look like kidneys you'd buy at the butcher's? I don't know what kidneys look like, really. I should have gotten Keckler or Sobell to help out here. Fred reassures Angel, "You're a vampire; you don't need this stuff anyway." She reaches deep inside and pulls out a walnut, cheerily saying, "There's your heart!" Tee hee. Angel looks so sad and worried during all of this, it just kills me. Fred pulls out a long string of beads, or possibly pearls, depending on how Freudian you're feeling. She loops it around her neck and reaches back in for something else. "Raisins!" she says, and eats a few. , a bent licence plate. Fred hms, "Came up the gulf stream, huh?" Fred plunges her arm back into Angel's chest and pulls out a large fishbowl with a dead golfish floating at the top. "There's your soul!" Fred exclaims. She looks more closely at the fish, and sighs, "We're gonna have to flush this." She turns and hands the fishbowl over to a guy in a bear suit. "Thank you, bear," she says, and the bear takes the fishbowl away.
Quick aside: while I'm not usually that keen on finding meaning in every little oddball thing, it's difficult for me to see the bit with the fish as anything but a shout-out to Sam Keith's The Maxx. Here's a sample from one of The Maxx's hallucinations: "That fish is your conscience, and she's wheezed her last wheeze! You're all alone, Maxx...your misson's forgot. The only one who can remember is Snot. Your face is a figment of a man with no head! Your mask, it is evil and your fish...it is dead!" And it's a goldfish in a little glass bowl, too. I probably didn't need to quote all of that, but I hate to ruin the rhyme scheme.
Anyway. Fred turns back to Angel and sadly reports that she can't find anything wrong with him. She peers down into the cavity in his chest and sighs, "You're empty. There's nothing left. Just a shell." She leans down over him and says she thinks she can hear the ocean. Heh. Then we cut to a, uh, intestine's-eye-view? Well, a shot of Fred from inside Angel. She says "Hello?" and we pull back, or sink, until the screen is black except for the tiny image of Fred's face at the distant opening. And then we pull back even further, and it's a close-up of Angel's pupil. Ooo, fancy. Angel twitches and mutters restlessly in bed.
In his office, Wesley is showing Eve's runic rock to Fred. Gunn enters and says that they've gotten reports of a vampire vigilante rescuing people. How do the people who were rescued know that Spicule's a vampire? He didn't vamp out in the fights we saw. Wesley reads the report: "Vigilante reportedly killed two vampires at a gas station, then asked the women he'd saved if they'd, quote, like to get a bottle of hooch and listen to some Sex Pistols records with him." I'm having trouble imagining Spicule saying "hooch." Fred asks, "Are we sure Angel's just tired and not, um, crazy?" Gunn points out the description of the rescuer, and when they hit the "platinum blond" part, they realize that it's Spicule.
Lindsey leads Spicule into a basement efficiency apartment, explaining that it's Spicule's new home. Lindsey says that the place has all the mod cons (he doesn't put it that way, but I've always wanted to say "mod cons"), and that the windows don't get direct sunlight. I don't see any windows, period. Which is fine, and mimics Angel's batcave from the first season, but they should have dropped that line. Spicule says he doesn't want to be Lindsey's "kept boy." Does Spicule know that there are motivations other than sex? Maybe not for him, but for other people. Lindsey points out that Spicule doesn't have a lot of options, because I guess he's used up all of the proceeds from selling the Viper. Spicule complains about the twin bed, and Lindsey says that Spicule won't be sharing it with anyone. Hooray for Lindsey!
Angel opens his eyes, and then turns as someone starts moving on the other side of the bed. It's Spicule, screwing someone. Someone blonde. Guess who? If you guessed, "some girl with her hair all over her face so we can pretend it's Buffy," you're right! Spicule tells Angel to hush, and adds, "You've got something on your shirt." Then there's a jarring snippet of Buffy's dialogue from "The Prom": "Every time I say the word 'prom,' you get grouchy." I like the concept of using old Buffy dialogue, because it sort of makes sense that Angel would replay things she's said to him. But maybe they should have distorted the sound or something, because it's such an obvious cut-and-paste job. Angel frowns and asks Spicule if he's taking Buffy to the prom. Another Buffy snippet replies: "Can you say jumping the gun? I kill my goldfish!" Angel stammers that he thought he was taking Buffy. So to speak. Get it? Spicule hisses, "Shhh! I can't be a marathon man with all your yammering!" I'd have thought that would help. If it doesn't, that suggests -- ew! Angel must have had the same thought, because he wakes up, and then starts to get out of bed.