Hellbound

A moment of silence, please, for Jack Elam, and props to elishavah and ostentatious.

Tonight's episode contains "graphic and disturbing violent images and partial nudity." What a coincidence, since this recap will contain graphic and violent language. Incidentally, I spent most of a week worrying about this episode, because I think DeKnight is a pretty sharp writer, so I figured that if he couldn't at least make the show watchable, I was going to wind up back in the bad, dark place I was at the start of Season Three. Since there's not much suspense in the show's plot, maybe we can wrangle some kind of tension out of whether or not I'm driven mad.

Fred walks down a high-definition hallway at Wolfram & Hart and enters the lab as a worker leaves for the night. She's got a pretty dress on under the "I'm a geek" cardigan. But I'm still not a fan of the heels-without-hose look. Wear sandals. Fred suddenly turns around because she can feel the camera zooming in on her; she turns back, and Spicule's standing there. Fred fakes an "Aaa!" and drops her books. Spicule complains that she knew he was there, and Fred tries to soothe his incorporeal ego while Spicule complains that he can't "spirit the knickknacks about" or "willie the locals," and I file both items under "expressions that sound dirty but really aren't." Fred tells us all again that Spicule is a very special ghost: "I've never seen anything like you." I think that's implied, Fred, since you keep going on about how he's visible and shouldn't be. Spicule wonders if he's incorporeal because he's "using all [his] mentalies just to keep from slipping into hell." So he's hanging by a thread, then? Also: "mentalies"? Fred says she's got a plan, but she can't explain it because the teaser isn't really the right place for boring technobabble. Save that for the climax! She says she'll make him "as real as a vampire with a soul can be" as a way of sidestepping into a mention of Angel's old Shanshu prophecy. According to her, the prophecy says that "if Angel helps enough people, he gets to be human again." Holy fuck, it does not! If Wesley's translation was accurate -- and let's not even get into the odds against that -- the prophecy is that "the vampire with a soul, once he fulfills his destiny, will Shanshu, become human." It's not about collecting enough tokens and turning them in for a stuffed animal, it's about "fulfilling his destiny." Which could be anything. It could be that Angel's destiny was to bring about world peace, and that Jasmine was going to play Blue Fairy once she got that temple. Okay, Fred doesn't know that, but she should at least pay attention to what the prophecies say if she's going to talk about them as if they still matter. Where were we? Oh right, Spicule was whining. By the way, Spicule, if you wanted to be human, maybe you should have asked for that instead of just a soul. Presumably you didn't do that because you wanted to have the girl and the superpowers. So get over it. Fred technobabbles about the Amulet of Assitude and how maybe she can use it to make Spicule corporeal, and then Spicule moves to lean on a table and promptly falls through it. And the floor. Fred wants to make him corporeal because why?

Spicule lands in a spooky basement storage room-looking place. He walks along a dark hallway as we hear a scritchy noises nearby. Spicule follows the sounds and discovers a man sitting at a wooden table, lit by a single bare bulb. Spicule sees nothing strange about all this, and asks the man for "the quickest way back to the lab." Did you try going up through the ceiling you fell through? Spicule walks closer, and suddenly sees that the man is chopping through his own fingers. The man turns, and -- boo! His face is also cut up and bloody. And then he's gone. Spicule looks around curiously and says, "I'll take that as a no, then."

Credits. I call Johanna to check on how she's doing. As I mentioned, she's easily freaked. If I get bored later in this recap, I'll tell you the story of what happened after she saw The Blair Witch Project. Anyway, Johanna says, "I didn't like it. It was taking secret cutting too far." Then we start wondering how on earth Fred got the amulet from Angel. We finally decide that she must have sneaked into his bedroom while they were up there having dinner last week, and then she found it in a velvet-lined box on his bedside table and replaced it with a cunningly made copy, just in case.

As the strings of imminent comedy plink away, Cary walks down the hall while talking to someone on the phone. Is this telepedeconferencing? Or should I quit while I'm ahead? He reassures the person he's talking to, "It's okay [if] you've put on a couple of pounds since casting." He waves to Fred as he enters the elevator and adds, "Just put the pills down, I'll straighten this out." Er. Sometimes it's hard not to read into things. Oh, and bye, Cary! See you week, I guess.

Fred continues down the hall and bustles into Wesley's office with a list of items she needs. She starts to leave immediately, but Wesley sniffs, "Hello, Wesley, nice to see you." Fred apologizes while he skeptically looks over the list of magic and science reference books. She asks when she can get them, and Wesley says, "If I exploit every connection I've made over the last month as the new head of Research & Intelligence...twenty minutes." Hee hee. Not the twenty minutes joke -- he's in charge of intelligence! Wolfram & Hart is doomed! Wesley says he'll get the boos for Fred under one condition: "Dinner." Ew. Fred starts to "ew" as well, but Wesley clarifies that she needs to eat something and get some rest. And go to a salon -- her hair has been very weird this season. Fred insists that she's fine and turns toward the door, then screams. Because Eve is standing behind her. Eve chirps, "Hey, got a sec?"

Cut to Angel's office. Angel sits behind his desk, having a serious chat with Fred, while Eve watches for no readily apparent reason. Angel somewhat nervously says he understands that Fred's stressed out by her new job. Fred interrupts to repeat that she's going to get some rest and take better care of herself. Angel says that isn't why he wanted to talk to her. Then he flips over his desk, vamps out, and roars, "What did you do with my amulet? I know you've got it -- I can smell it on you!" Not really. It turns out that the Practical Science department is way over budget. Eve specifies that Fred's $800 grand over her quarterly budget, "and the quarter ain't over yet, sweetie." They're really taking all of the glamour out of being evil, here. Fred explains that she's had to spend a lot of money because giving Spicule his body again is a tricky problem. Angel whoas, "Whoa!" He says that he just wanted Fred to get Spicule out of the building, not make him corporeal. You know, I think that from now on, whenever they do obligatory exposition about the show's premise, I'm going to substitute some explanation of this site. Which is at least, if not more, necessary, judging by some of the email we get. So Fred says, "Television Without Pity provides highly detailed summaries, or 'recaps,' of television shows." Fred lists the reasons to help Spicule: "He just saved the world; vampire with a soul; fighting for the good of humanity -- ring anything?" Yeah, a death knell. She adds, "He's just like you, a champion." Angel folds his arms and grumbles, "God, I really hate that word." Heh. Fred argues that Spicule would be a huge help if he fought on their side, and Angel points out that Spicule only cares about himself. "And Buffy," Fred adds. Eve mews with interest, and Angel grumpily agrees, "He does care about Buffy, so where do you think he's gonna run off to as soon as his fresh new feet hit the ground?" Wait, if Spicule gets a body, he might leave? Where's the problem? Frankly, I'd be totally supportive of his relationship with Buffy as long as I don't have to watch it. Angel warns Fred against falling for Spicule's charms, but she insists, "I'm not some idiot schoolgirl with a crush." Unlike...well, why don't you fill in your own punchline there, and save me from picking just one. It's like Mad Libs. Fred claims, "It's about doing what's right. Remember?" Angel ponders that, or else he just decides he doesn't really care enough about the budget to argue with a crazy girl about this stuff, so he tells Fred that the decision is hers. He stands up and adds, "Just don't be disappointed if it doesn't work. Some people can't be saved."

Spicule returns to the empty lab and spots the amulet and Fred's notes. Then the lights start flickering. He assumes that this is the work of the ghost he saw downstairs, and the thought that there might be someone invisible there listening to him causes him to start yammering away as usual. I decide that I like whatever spooky presence is turning the lights out, because the darker it gets, the more it starts to look a little bit like Angel again. Sigh.

Spicule steps out of the elevator and back into the spooky basement. It's dark. Water is dripping. Spicule is almost as bored by it as I am. We hear the chopping noises again. Spicule returns to the room with the table. The ghost isn't there, but the table does have some severed fingers resting on it. One of them shivers a little, which sets off some "Yikes!" music but is actually kind of anticlimactic. Maybe it would have been better if it had just bent up to give him the finger. A woman sing-songs, "It's gonna get you," and Spicule turns to see a woman from the 1940s with a big hunk of glass sticking in her eye. Spicule asks what "it" is, and she giggles and amends her song: "Reaper's gonna take you." Spicule chuckles and asks, "Tall, grim fellow with a scythe? Is that what all this boogie-boogie's been about?" Aw, he kind of reminded me of Spike there for a second. That's the guy who put the Annoying One in a cage. Dreamy sigh. The girl keeps trying to be spooky, and Spicule keeps not caring until she says, "Don't worry, William." She pulls the glass out of her eye and either says, "Haven't forgotten you," according to the captions, or "Gotten you," if you're just listening. There are quite a few spots where the dialogue fades out this week. Seriously, what is up with the sound this year? Then the girl whips the glass across Spicule's cheek, cutting him, and vanishes.

Fred's back in the lab, saying dull things about math to herself. Spicule wanders in and says that the things he's been seeing are "the welcoming party." He says, "Guess hell got tired of waiting." Yeah, I know how hell feels. Fred, of course, can't hear him. Spicule goes on to confess that Fred's attempts to help him meant a lot. Fred exclaims, "Damn, I'm good!" and Spicule goes from fatalistic to exuberant in five seconds. Until Fred tells herself that her solution would cause a feedback wave that would liquefy half of Los Angeles. Well, who'd notice, really? Fred moans that she's not going to figure it out, and starts to walk away. Spicule tries to encourage her and reaches out to grab her arm. An electrical zap passes between them, and Fred jumps. She asks if Spicule is there, and then the lights go out as Spicule yippees about making contact instead of trying to do it again. Fred tells Spicule to give her a sign, then turns around and jumps as she sees Angel. "Would everybody please stop doing that?" she gasps. Angel says that the mystics did another sweep and didn't find anything. Fred points out that somebody just turned out all the lights, and it presumably wasn't Angel. Wait, no, she doesn't actually, because that would be sensible. Instead, she just says that they have to contact Spicule.

Cut to Wesley, expressing skepticism. He and the rest of the MoG are in the conference room as Eve enters with a girl in a form-fitting red dress with an extremely silly and overly-complicated collar. The girl is a psychic, and all business, and it seems that Eve has pulled her in after hours to contact Spicule. Why is Eve in this scene? She doesn't say anything, which is nice, but why is she here at all? The psychic sits at the head of the table and briskly says, "I have Pilates at the crack of why-am-I-awake? So we're gonna move this right along." She orders, "Clear your minds...which, judging by the looks of you, won't be that hard." I like her. Lots more than Eve. Fred asks if they should hold hands, sance-style, and the psychic gives her a look and replies, "Only if you're lonely." Hee! No, I really like her. She orders them all to "zip it" and makes with the mystic incantations. After a moment, she says, "I sense a presence." Spicule -- still with a cut on his cheek -- tells her, "Skip the claptrap and tell them to get me out of here." The psychic goes on about a "dark soul" approaching, and suffering. Spicule is really slow on the uptake, and just says "I'm already here!" The psychic, increasingly nervous, gasps, "It's...it's the --" "The Reaper! The bloody friggin' Reaper!" Spicule snaps. The psychic suddenly gasps and claws at her throat as if she's choking as blood drips from one nostril. Angel jumps up from the table and orders Spicule to let her go. The girl suddenly sits back more calmly. Fred asks, "Are you all right?" The girl promptly spits up a lot of blood and collapses on the table. Okay, that made me jump. And then, when we got the after-shot of Fred with blood all over her face, it made me laugh. Hee.

Some time later, Gunn enters Angel's office (desk over to the right, y'see) and asks Wesley why Spicule would have killed the psychic. Wesley says he wouldn't have: "No advantage in it to kill someone trying to help him." He suspects that the "dark soul" wasn't Spicule at all. He rasps, "There's something else here at Wolfram & Hart. Something else a hell of a lot worse." Are they ever going to wonder why all of the lights in the building are at 20%? Johanna says, "I want someone to have a conversation with Wesley and suddenly interrupt to ask, 'Why are you whispering?'"

We pan through the lab. And over to the glass-enclosed safety showers. And I can still win R.E.M. tickets! Fred is in the shower. Because she got blood on her face. And instead of wiping it off with some paper towels in the bathroom, she'd rather go to a different part of the building alone. Fine. She turns around suddenly, and of course nobody's there. Except, equally of course, Spicule is there, but she can't see him. Spicule has apparently decided just to follow Fred around and gaze upon her naughtiness while talking to himself. He wonders why the mysterious Reaper killed the psychic, and says, "If it's come for me...couldn't have been worried she was gonna help. She didn't even know I was there. Unless it wasn't about me." Not about you? Well, that's just crazy talk! Still terribly slow on the uptake, Spicule tells Fred that the Reaper was trying to hide something. He reaches out toward the glass and is startled when he touches it instead of passing through. He reaches out again, and this time his hand goes through. He concentrates, and is able to write something on the condensation covering the window. That's one hot shower if the condensation is on the outside.

Fred turns the shower off and turns around, whereupon she notices the window. We see the word "REAPER" written on the glass. Backwards, from Fred's perspective, so I guess it says "R3QA3R" as far as she's concerned. Spicule watches hopefully, then the glass shatters and he is hurled through a wall and out into the hallway.

Footsteps approach, and Spicule picks himself up and blusters, "No more hiding in the shadows. Let's do this right and proper." A suited man carrying a briefcase appears at the top of the stairs. He turns to Spicule, revealing that half of his face is coated with blood, and I'm afraid it just looks a bit cheesy. As the latest ghost passes Spicule he whispers, "William..." Spicule backs away, and the armless woman appears behind him and gasps, "Please..." Spicule retreats down the stairs to the lobby. The 1940s woman has put the glass back into her eye for safe-keeping, and stands on the landing moaning that it hurts. Well, it's your own fault for putting it back in your eyeball, lady. Spicule reaches the lobby and snaps, "I'm not talking to flunkies anymore!" He taunts the Reaper, accusing him of being "some little twit of a spirit," and there's something about a pot and a kettle and then Spicule suddenly wails and collapses. Blipvert of Spicule's head twitching, with barbed wire wrapped around it like a Christmas garland. Festive! Spicule twitches on the floor as a spooky voice says, "Yes, take you screaming." This would be the Reaper, I take it. Another bloody blipvert. And then a disheveled looking eighteenth-century guy with cool boots stands over Spicule and says, "An eternity of suffering for your sins. But first, I get to play." Aw, as part of his ongoing quest to be just like Angel, Spicule got his own Holtz. But without the cool voice. The Reaper holds up a knife, and hey -- this is the Jack the Ripper episode! Hooray! All SF shows are required to do this, you know. I'm amazed they've held out so long here.

Commercials. It's that Sprint ad with the dorky guy spilling his sandwich! I'd just been telling Johanna about it a few days ago because she hadn't seen it. I hated it the first time I saw it, because I thought they that girl was a bitch for picking on this dorky guy just for being a dorky guy, and I was so irritated by the "we are superior and must laugh at the dorky guy" tone, but then the end totally redeems the whole thing. And when I described it to Johanna, and how at the end Gina says, "I do love him," she said "Aww," and I love him too, by the way. And the way she says "I do love him" makes me happy every single time. I want a whole series of ads about Gina and the dorky guy getting together, and also an ad where the bitchy girl gets her comeuppance for being such a snot.

Fred is writing all over the windows in her office when the rest of the MoG enter. They worry that she's having a relapse, and I worry that someone watched A Beautiful Mind too much, but Fred claims she just ran out of whiteboard. And she just happened to have a special "writes neatly on glass" pen handy. Fred technobabbles that she may be able to bring Spicule back, but that she needs "a massive surge of dark energy to catalyze the process." When Angel asks how massive, exactly, she sighs, "The equivalent of nuclear evil." Angel asks where they can find that kind of power. Rising music starts up to underscore the significance of it all as Wesley admits, "There is a legend that tells of a volcano deep in the forbidden jungles of South Africa --" "Or," Gunn says, cutting off Wesley and the significant music, "I might know a place a little closer to home." Heh.

Gunn and Angel stand in the White Room. Angel expositions that TWoP is not a fan site, and that fans who just want to see their own opinions repeated back to them should probably look elsewhere. Gunn adds that everyone should read the FAQ. With that settled, Angel reminds Gunn that his plan is to "snip off a piece of the conduit that connects Wolfram & Hart to the other dimensions." I'll bet Gunn already knew that. Angel wonders what the conduit looks like this time, and Gunn says, "It's not that bad." There's an off-camera roar, and Gunn adds, "...If you like cats." Angel confesses to being a dog person, and who didn't know that? Another roar, and Angel holds up a canister and says, "We were just wondering if we maybe could borrow a couple of whiskers?" Roar again. Gunn takes the flask and says that he's asking for a personal favor. The panther comes running up to Gunn. Aw. Kitty! Gunn reaches out toward the cat's head and we cut away before tragedy ensues.

"Disappointing," Pavayne says, and I didn't hate this episode when I watched it the first time, but on review I kind of agree. It's not bad. But that's about it. Though I still think this would have worked better if it had been the first episode with Spicule, instead of "Just Rewards." Pavayne crouches over a fetal Spicule, and wonders if his conscience is weighing him down. Or something. It didn't make a lot of sense, to be honest. Then a big hole in reality starts creeping open in a corner, and Pavayne chortles that hell is ready for Spicule. Pavayne says, "The soul that blesses you damns you to suffer forever." Another blipvert of barbed-wire Spicule, spiced up with some fingernail-ripping and something being yanked out of his back, or maybe his front, I don't know, but it's pretty ooky. Spicule makes a shocked face like he just realized that he locked his keys in his car, and Pavayne grabs his head and says, "You go now, William, so I can stay." I don't know why Pavayne is so keen on hanging around. I mean, it's not much of an unlife. And maybe he'd like hell. How can he be sure, if he hasn't tried it?

Commercials. Johanna repeats that they should just incorporate Spicule into the group and have done with it. I declare that they should just make his outsider status part of the premise: "He should be like Rygel on Farscape. They don't like him, but they have to save him because he's got something they need. Like in 'Throne for a Loss.'" Johanna asks if Spicule should swallow the amulet so that the MoG have to rescue him. This leads to me declaring that Angel should do a shot-for-shot remake of "Throne for a Loss," and then we start discussing who would take the different roles, although I think the most noteworthy item was that Angel would be Aeryn.

When we return, Pavayne is still going on about the swirling all-consuming hole eating through the scenery. And plus, there's that portal to hell. He tells Spicule that he's getting what he deserves. Spicule admits, "I do deserve to go to hell. But not today." He knocks Pavayne away and stands up, and that little "You are X!" "Yes, I am! And that's why I'll win!" exchange gave me flashbacks to "Room w/a Vu." Pavayne gets huffy, and Spicule repeats Pavayne's lessons about how it's all about will-power. First things first: he re-clothes himself, then asks, "Guess what I want to do now, you prissy son of a bitch!" Have an extremely long fight scene?

Pavayne is knocked through a wall into an office. Spicule follows, summarizes the premise of the story, and then punches Pavayne some more. Pavayne tries punching back but keeps missing, possibly because he's distracted by the fact that he might win R.E.M. tickets. There's a nice bit as they wallop each other while standing in the middle of a desk, and the FX crew must have worked really hard on that because sometimes folds of Spicule's coat pop out of the desk's sides. And it's nice work, but it's not dazzling, and I'm not sure it was really worth the effort. Spicule quips, "Not so much fun when we hit back, is it?" Pavayne blocks Spicule's punch and replies, "It's starting to be," and knocks Spicule through a wall.

In the lab, the MoG are working on Fred's contraption. Gunn and Angel return with the canister, which is full of a black substance. Don't touch it, it's evil! Gunn tells Fred, "Make it count. It told me we ain't getting any more." Fred fusses over her machinery while Angel asks how they'll let Spicule know what's happening. Wesley says they don't need to. Fred says, "This baby puts out enough juice to light up ghost city. Anything remotely spectral around here is about to get the tinglies." Oh, I see. What the hell does that actually mean? As the machinery whirrs, a magic circle of gadgetry on the floor starts to light up.

Back in the lobby, there's a low throbbing noise as Pavayne beats up Spicule. But he makes the usual mistake of spending too much time taunting, not enough time kicking. By the time he's done speechifying and has yanked Spicule upright, the throbbing is louder, and then a burst of FX passes through them both. Pavayne looks around, distracted, and Spicule takes the opportunity to escape.

In the lab, Fred looks at a ghostometer and announces that Spicule is there. She yells, "Step into the circle, hurry! We've only got one chance at making you corporeal aga--" And then she starts gasping. The camera spins back around to show that Pavayne is choking her. The boys try to charge to the rescue, and are immediately knocked down to the floor by Pavayne's magic powers. Spicule runs into the room and eyes the situation. Pavayne chuckles, "The girl or the flesh? There's no time for both." Spicule pauses, and Pavayne says there's hope for him after all. Suddenly, Spicule is standing to Pavayne. Spicule says, "Not really," and clobbers Pavayne. What? That's your big comeback? Fred falls to the floor, and the magic circle gets all big and bright, then fades out as we see Pavayne has fallen into the middle of it. Wesley and Gunn get up and run over to Fred. Pavayne leaps up and hisses threats at them all until Angel wanders over and knocks him out. I think I'd have liked this better if we didn't see Pavayne until he was solidified here at the end. Because then it'd be a lot of spooky voices and wondering what he looked like, and then at the end the reveal would be that it's just a sad, messy little man shouting about things he doesn't understand. Just a thought. Spicule tells Angel, "Don't kill him. If he becomes a spirit again, we'll never stop him." But he's not really doing much that needs stopping, is he? I mean, he's sending evil people to hell. And sure, he should go to hell himself, but he's not really accomplishing anything they care about. Y'know? Angel just says, "Fine. No killing. Just a whole lot of bruising," and wallops Pavayne again.

Some time later, Fred, Gunn, and Wesley are cleaning up the rubble in her lab. Fred is moody, so Gunn tells her to take a break. She steps into her office, where Spicule joins her to ask if she has a spare recorporealizing machine. Fred explains that most of the parts were "practically nonexistent to start with," and that she doesn't have another power source anyway. Spicule says he doesn't regret his decision, and insists, "I'm not gonna end up like Pavayne -- cheating hell any way he could, no matter who it hurt." Fred says this proves what she's been saying: that he's worth saving. Spicule cheerfully says that it's not so bad, adding, "Even picked up a few new tricks." He carefully lifts up a coffee mug from the desk. Such magic. He concludes, "I guess there's worse things than being a ghost."

Segue to Pavayne, who is imprisoned in a little box with bars holding him, and an electrode doohickey attached to his face. He stares out, unmoving, while Eve tells Angel, "If there's anything Wolfram & Hart excels at, it's keeping their unmentionables unmentioned." But you just mentioned them! You're so fired. Angel turns to Pavayne and explains, "You get to live forever, unable to move, to touch, or to feel, or to affect anything in the world around you. But don't worry -- I had 'em give you a window." Angel closes the door on the box, and we get a Pavayne's-POV shot of Angel looking in through a narrow window. Angel says, "Welcome to hell." Angel and Eve walk away as Pavayne stares out at them without blinking. Well, that sucks, but if they wanted to be really sadistic they'd put a television set in front of him.

time, Cary throws a party, Angel takes a shower, and Eve learns the horrible price she must pay for her evildoing.