Shiny Happy People

Previously on Angel, Fred and Gunn discussed baking, Cordy spilled the beans, Connor learned how to make an omelet, and Angel guessed who was coming for dinner.

Gina Torres wraps herself in a blanket and smiles, "It's all so..." "Deeply weird?" I ask. "Unworthy," Angel says. "Of the audience?" I ask. Angel doesn't reply. Gina kneels by an unconscious Cordy, thanks her for the ride, and then goes on about how great it is to have senses for a while. You can tell she hasn't seen a television yet. Angel sadly confesses, "I came here to kill you." He offers Gina the sword, and says that he should be punished. Jeez, Angel, not in front of the kid! He bows his head, and Gina says that she feels his suffering as she takes the sword. She raises the sword and says, "Now that suffering is going to end." The soundtrack swells. Nothing happens. Angel looks up, and Gina is gone. Hey, that was pretty easy.

Credits. This week's Boreanaz quote: "Birds are so unpredictable. Their feathers and their cockiness makes them too jumpy. They're fucking freaks. They cluck and they jive in a freaky way and I don't like it." I like to believe he'd be okay with birds if they would just jive in a normal way.

Fred is frantically tidying up the office while Cary watches, enjoying a delicious beverage. There's a distant whirring sound, which Cary explains: "It's just a buzz-saw." He says that Gunn and Wesley are dismembering Skip in the basement. Presumably so they can dispose of the body more easily, but the reason isn't stated. Maybe it just sounded fun. You know how boys are. Fred complains, "There's been an awful lot of dismembering going on in that basement lately if you ask me." Cary agrees that it's been a busy month. Fred asks, "Why'd it have to be her?" and Cary asks who she's talking about. Fred wants to know why the Forced Evil couldn't have used "some horrible, evil, awful person" instead of Cordelia. Cary points out that an evil person wouldn't have been a great disguise, and Fred replies, "He's been gone so long." Cary is confused again, and now Fred's wondering where Angel is, and whether he had to kill Cordelia. Suddenly she gasps, "Son of a bitch!" and exits with a dagger in hand. Cary follows, muttering, "Not that I was expecting a transition, but still..."

Connor is crossing the lobby, carrying a knife. Fred waves the dagger at him and orders, "Drop it, Junior!" Connor cheerfully tells Fred, "You're always after me to clean up after myself. I was just going to put it away." Fred backs off, confused, and asks Connor if he's "still evilish." From across the room, Angel says it's okay. Cordy has been deposited on the couch, and Fred rushes over to her. Angel explains that Cordy isn't dead, she's just resting, "in a peaceful place." Sounds like "pining for the fjords," if you ask me.

Wesley and Gunn enter from the basement, wearing coveralls with some oddly colored stains. Hee. They all realize that Cordy isn't pregnant anymore, and Wesley deduces that Angel was too late to stop the birth. Genius. Gunn asks if Angel killed the spawn. Angel hesitantly admits, "I tried. I was going to..." He sits down on the steps looking flustered. Connor says, "You've gotta stop torturing yourself, Dad." Angel lowers his head into his hands, and Connor tells the others, "He was like this all the way back in the car." Snicker. I almost wish they'd included that as a scene in the episode. Lord knows they had time for it. Wesley asks if the spawn escaped. Angel moans, "It didn't even say goodbye." The MoG still don't get it, and ask what the spawn was. Fred guesses, "Eight legs? Three heads? Horns?" Cary takes offense at Fred's bias against the horned, and Connor replies, "Two legs, one head, no horns." Cary asks if the spawn was green. Angel says, "No. Kind of...mocha." He adds that they have to find her, and the MoG get ready to roll. Gunn hopes the spawn is easier to kill than Satan was.

Connor calls a halt: "No killing." "Since when?" Gunn asks. Angel answers, "Since we've all been saved!" Fred figures this is crazy talk. Angel wraps his arm around Connor and observes that the others don't understand. Angel says that they don't want to kill Gina; they just want to find her. He duhs, "So we can worship her." He rolls his eyes at how dumb the others are, and puts the weapons away. Connor smiles brightly and tells them, "She's amazing. You'll go nuts." Gunn dryly says that would help them relate. Wesley glares around and tells Angel that he's under an enchantment. He lectures Angel with some exposition, listing: "The rain of fire, permanent midnight, all the horrors done in its name." "Must be rectified," Gina adds from the doorway. Hey, I think that the more stilted version of that summary is gone from the previouslies at last! Hallelujah! Gina is dressed now, but the sword is gone. I bet she pawned it and bought a new wardrobe. Which is sort of obnoxious, especially when you consider that it wasn't her sword, but on the other hand Angel understands the value of nice clothes. Upon seeing Gina, Angel and Connor immediately kneel, and Cary gasps, "My god." Gina smiles, "People keep saying that." Cary, Fred, and Gunn join in the worshipping, but Wesley keeps standing. Gina says they've been drowning in fighting and pain, and that she wants to help. Wesley falls to one knee and begs, "Tell us what to do!" He really misses Lilah.

Up in Cordy's room, Cary says, "Eternal bliss -- it suits her!" Turns out he's talking about Cordelia, who has been installed in the bed. I guess the bliss is Gina's explanation for why Cordy's still unconscious. So she's dreaming that she's on a better show? Good deal. The rest of the MoG finish lighting candles and hunker down for story time while Gina talks about how honored she is and how happy she is to be back. Wesley asks Gina, "'Back'? Then you've been here before." Boreanaz's body language here is hilarious. I don't know how to describe it; he's just sitting there like a little kid who's expecting a present any second. Gina has a spiel prepared: "In the beginning...." Oh, man, I've heard this one already. She says that, once upon a time, powerful beings walked the earth. Some of them went bad, the earth became a demon realm, and the others left. She insists, "But we remained ever watchful." Gunn asks, "You're a Power That...Was?" Gina sidesteps the interruption and continues her history, saying that then something appeared that wasn't a demon or a god. "Man," Wesley guesses, trying to become Power's pet. Gina says they had hoped that mankind would restore the balance between good and evil. But she got tired of watching people suffer, and that Nietzsche guy pissed her off, so she decided to come back by arranging a miracle. She claims that the life Angel "won" in "The Trial" was Connor's. Oh, it was not!

Dear writers: I'll go along with the retcons that play with loose ends and ambiguity, but this wasn't ever a loose end, years of obsessive fanwanking notwithstanding, and the trials were just stupid anyway, plus referring to it just makes me wonder why Angel can't go back there all the time to save people's lives -- and please try to remember he wasn't trying to resurrect Darla, he wanted to prevent her natural death, so how that would earn him a "someone who shouldn't even exist gets to be born" rain check escapes me -- so lay off the "everything that ever happened was part of this evil scheme" bullshit because I can only accept it if I'm very careful not to think about it, and adding more details makes me think about it, and this is testing the limits of my patience. Not to mention my grammar. Thanks. Yours in exasperation, Strega.

Okay, I feel better now. Wesley guesses that all of the wacky apocalyptic events were just "birth pangs." Angel asks if Cordy will wake up. Gina says, "If we take hold of the world, strip away the thorns, win the battle, then yes, I think she will." That seems like a lot of effort. Could they at least try smelling salts first? Gina adds that there are demons and "forces of hate" throughout the city. "We're going to destroy them!" Fred chirps. Gina agrees: "We're going to change the world." Angel, all aglow, says, "Finally!" He's so happy!

Cut to a bowling alley. Some vampires are bowling with a severed human head. I hate this, too. I have such mixed feelings about this episode. I liked lots of silly moments. But this is dumb, it looks dumb, and also, it's dumb. So yeah, there are vampires. The MoG arrive with Gina. Melee! Gina watches the carnage, and then pulls Fred aside for a chat. Fred worries a little, but Gina is sure they're safe and asks, "What are we going to call me?" Fred burbles about names for a while, and Gina mentions, "There are some rules even I must follow," and apparently being named by someone else is one of them. One of the vampires suddenly runs over and attacks Gina by digging his fingers into her arm. That's not a very effective battle tactic. Angel quickly pulls the vampire away, and Gina calmly looks down at the torn, bloody holes in her sweater. Plot point! Angel gets distracted by some more fighting, and the vampire who attacked Gina tries to escape. Angel gives chase, calling, "Hey, you hurt her! Scum!" Heh.

Angel and the vampire run behind the lanes and out a back door into an outdoor caf. The vampire plows into one guy, and then falls onto another guy. I wish everybody would wear name tags; it's bad enough that Gina doesn't have a name yet, but now I have to deal with this clown. Eventually, we'll find out that his name is John Scoler, so let's skip ahead and pretend we know that already. So, as they collapse onto the ground, the vampire somehow claws through John's shirt and into his chest. Another plot point! And does this vampire habitually sharpen his fingers or something? It's hard to tear cloth by just pressing on it like that. Angel grabs the vamp, and Connor runs into view and tosses Angel a stake. Poof. The other patrons are understandably astonished. The rest of the MoG arrive as Angel announces, "You're safe now." A woman starts to ask a question, but then Gina arrives, and we're back to the kneeling and marveling. Gina tells them, "Please, stand up. If you wish to honor me, honor each other. We are all one." A man notices Gina's bloody arm, because it's a plot point, but Gina reassures him that she'll be fine. She starts to sermonize, and John moves through the crowd, looking upset. Gina says, "The chaos will fade, and harmony will reign." Whoa, Harmony is behind all of this? Explains some of the more whimsical elements of the plan, I guess. Oh, small "H." Never mind. John picks up a knife from a table and says, "Monster. It has to die!" He moves to attack Gina. Angel vamps out, and it seems like it's been ages since he's done that in a fight. Angel knocks John down, and starts punching him in the face.

Is this a good time to mention that, the day after the episode aired, I got a card in the mail inviting me to let the power of Easter change my life? Or that today I got an email from the "Left Behind Prophecy Club," which invites more ridicule than I will ever have time to provide?

After the ads, Angel is still relentlessly punching John's face. Gina finally orders him to stop, and Angel devamps and backs away. John sobs, "Don't you see it?" Gina stretches her hand toward him, and he begs her not to touch him. She strokes John's cheek and says, "Poor thing." Then she turns to Wesley, who volunteers to call an ambulance. Gina tells the crowd that John is "full of fear, anger. So alone. He will always be alone, but we have found each other."

Blipvert to the Hyperion. Gunn and Wesley are, ahem, cleaning their weapons. Gunn suggests that Gina should call herself "Helen." Johanna declares this a shout-out to her, for reasons which are too complicated to go into when I'm already having so much name-related trouble. Wesley suggests "Dianthia," "Iphigenia," or "Aristophila." Gina translates that last as, "Supreme lover of mankind!" I almost picked that as my login name once, but there was this thing with lightning and thunder and I decided against it. Gina has removed her sweater, and is holding a cloth over the wound on her arm. Gunn says that his grandmother's name was Helen. Gina is flattered by all of the suggestions, but doesn't pick any of them. Wesley says, "What about --" "Clorox!" Fred says from the stairs. Gunn considers it, and tries to add a slogan: "'She bleaches away the hate'?" He shakes his head. Wesley says, very seriously, "Probably best [that] we avoid brand names." Gunn nods. Hee. Of course, Fred is just fretting over how to get the blood out of Gina's sweater. Gina says it isn't important, but Fred insists that the sweater is special because Gina wore it. Fred also feels guilty that Gina was injured, and Gina says it's all good. But with more words. Fred finally decides to try club soda on the stains, and runs off just as Connor enters. Wesley explains that Fred can be "single-minded," although I think he's rounding up. Gina observes, "You love her very much. Both of you." Nuh-uh! Gunn loves Gwen! Or, depending on how much beer I've had, me! Connor watches as Gina lectures the others, "You both have the same love! It should bring you closer together, not drive you apart!" Wesley and Gunn look at each other and wonder why everybody always wants them to hook up. Connor steps into the awkward moment and tells Gina that he's sorry she was injured. Gina removes the cloth from her arm and reveals that her wound has healed. Connor wonders why John tried to hurt her. Gina looks genuinely disturbed as she admits that she doesn't know, but then perkily adds, "Some people can't accept change." She says that fear leads people to take their aggressions out on others, "or, sometimes, on themselves." She looks meaningfully toward the door.

Gina steps out into the courtyard, where Angel is getting in his evening mope-out. She enthuses about a scent in the air, and Angel guesses it's the jasmine. Angel looks so much gloomier than usual that I start giggling as he says, "I shamed you." He's guilt-ridden about almost killing John. Gina says that Angel was trying to protect her, and advises him to "let go of [his] anger toward that poor soul." Angel looks up at her and explains that because of her, he doesn't feel anger, but happiness, and that's not a good thing. He says, "If I get too happy...If I allow myself to feel what I'm feeling...Angelus might..." Gina says that she understands, but adds that when they've driven all of the evil away, he won't have to worry about Angelus anymore. Angel wonders if it's possible to eliminate all the evil. Gina says that's why she's there, and lifts Angel's chin to say, "You are my general. I have faith in you." Angel says, "You? Have faith? In me?" but with more epic pauses. I was watched this while I was on the phone, and was amused when the closed captioning started to resemble lines of Haiku. Gina says, "I have faith in all my warriors," and Angel turns to see the rest of the MoG, minus Cary, behind him. Gina goes on with the inspirational speech as a drumbeat is cued up on the soundtrack.

Gina voice-overs, "You're not alone anymore," while the MoG enter a warehouse-y place. Angel is wearing what seems to be a white shirt under his jacket. The true horror will be revealed later. The MoG fight some people who I guess might be vampires while Gina continues, "Everywhere you go, I'll be at your side." Although not literally, since she's not actually there for the fight. Neither is Fred, who's at the hotel, still trying to scrub the blood out of Gina's sweater. It's like her whole existence is flawed.

The MoG, in different clothes, kill some demons. Gina says she'll be "guiding [their] hands, giving [them] strength." Fred keeps scrubbing. Gina says, "There will be no doubt, no worry, no fear, for you will know you cannot be beaten."

As the montage ends, a newscaster reports that the homicide rate in Southland has suddenly declined. The MoG are watching television in the lobby. The anchor adds that the cops are crediting their new "tough on crime" policy. I'm always hoping that someday I'll hear about a new "lax on crime" policy. It's worth a try, isn't it? Angel turns the TV off, and the full weirdness of his shirt is now apparent. It's white with lots of pale yellow stripes. Yellow? Angel. Wearing yellow. I can't cope. Angel complains that the "divinity behind the scenes" should get some credit, but Gina says that the credit isn't important. Angel marvels that Gina never doubted them, and she replies, "There's no room for doubt, Angel: only love!" Cary enters, and I can't tell if his clothes are weirder than usual or not, because it's Cary. But they're pretty weird: a tan suit over a I-don't- know-what's- happening-there shirt. Cary has a surprise for Gina, and leads her upstairs. The rest of the gang watches Gina leave and marvel over her some more. Fred enters, holds up the sweater, and asks for opinions. Wesley says it looks "good as new." Fred promptly bursts into tears and says, "It is! I bought a new one." She crumples onto the stairs, and Wesley looks bewildered and says, "Even better?" Heh. Angel and Wesley sit on either side of Fred and ask what the problem is. "She's not here!" Fred sniffles. Gunn says that Gina's upstairs. Fred says, "When she's not around, I hurt!" and clutches the sweater to herself. We all need a big reduction in amount of tears.

Cary leads Gina into the suite he's redecorated for her and asks, "It's too diva, isn't it? Diva, deity, it's a thin line." Gina insists it's perfect, and notes that some of the flowers he's decorated the room with are jasmine. Cary leaves, and Gina suddenly tells the wall, "You're troubled." She's actually talking to Connor, who was walking past her door. Gina asks what's bothering him, and insists that he can tell her anything. Connor half-smiles and says, "Cordelia used to say that to me." He continues, "I finally know why I was created. For you, to help bring you here." But he doesn't feel entitled to happiness, because he's lied and hurt people and all that. Gina insists that she knows everything he's done, and that he deserves all the happiness she can bring him. Blee and unique souls and blah and transforming the world. Connor says that Angel is the champion of the house, but Gina argues, "Everything has its season. It's your time, Connor. Your destiny." Fred marches into the room to announce that, while it's not the same shirt, it's close. She says, "I scrubbed the other one till my fingers bled but I couldn't get out the --" Plot point! She looks up from the shirt to see that Gina has been replaced by a maggot-filled dummy head. "-- blood!" Fred gasps. So that's what happened to Xander's new best friend.

After the ads, Fred stares at Gina, bewildered. There's a shot of the maggoty dummy head having its lips moved to match Gina saying "Fred, is something wrong?" which so doesn't work, and I can't understand why Fred doesn't know what to say in response because it looks ridiculous. Fred stares, then starts to fake-cry and apologize. Connor offers to get Fred some water, but Fred quickly begs him to stay, insisting that she'll be fine. She also turns away to look at Connor instead of the silly dummy. The rest of the MoG arrive, wondering why Fred's upset. Wesley insists, "There's no reason to cry! She's right there!" He smiles reassuringly. Hee. Fred finally turns back to Gina and claims that she was thinking what it would be like if Gina wasn't there anymore. Gina insists that she's not going anywhere. Fred keeps on quivering and clutching the shirt toward her face and finally says, "I just need some time alone to, y'know, count my blessings, 'cause there's so many, and it's good to, um, take stock." She hands the shirt to Wesley and hurries out.

Naturally, Fred turns for help to Cordelia. Who is still unconscious. Why does Fred want to talk to Cordy? I don't know. Why do the writers want Fred to talk to Cordy? I don't know. If it's a way for us to learn what Fred's thinking, I'd understand it, but here's what we learn: Fred's confused and scared and she thinks maybe Gina is evil. I would have guessed that. But then the scene is sort of redeemed when Angel enters and tells Fred, "I know what you're thinking. Sometimes when I look in her eyes...I've seen it, too. It's overwhelming: the lies, the deceit --" and then just as Fred looks hopeful he adds, "It just melts away!" Fred unconvincingly agrees, and observes that things are a little different from what they expected. She hesitantly asks, "Have you noticed how we all just kind of do what she says? Don't ask questions?" Angel's expression is very serious and very happy and quite creepy all at once as he says, "Isn't it a relief? The constant questioning, it's finally over." Aw, Gina's got the answers to ease their curiosity. Angel smiles a little, and I find this little scene with him much scarier than all of the Angelus stuff.

Blipvert to the hospital. Fred marches up to the information desk wearing a red jacket that looks like something handmade by a loving mother for a kid who wanted to be Michael Jackson for Halloween in 1983. Epaulets? What the hell? Fred says she wants to visit a patient named "Stover" who came in on Thursday. How does she (almost) know his name? Were they going through his wallet while waiting for the ambulance? Seems odd. The nurse asks if she's a relative, which means that Fred has to babble for a while with a lot of unconvincing lies. The nurse finally finds the records for a John Stoler, and Fred says that's the guy. The nurse gives her a dubious look, but Fred looks plaintive and the nurse gives in. Or maybe the nurse realizes that if she tells Fred what she wants to know, Fred will go away and babble at someone else. That's good thinking. The nurse looks at Stoler's file and says, "He was transferred to -- oh!"

"Oh," indeed. Cut to the psychiatric unit. Which has a locked door with a keypad entry. Wow, tight security in this place. Fred ducks out of sight as a doctor exits the unit, and pops through the door before it closes. Okay, not that tight after all.