Dad

Previously on Angel, Sahjhan offered Holtz a hand, Wolfram & Hart hedged their bets, Cary's club was trumped, and Darla folded. I've come with a little naming convention for the baby, which I'm sure you'll pick up on. Just in case, though: if you don't recognize a name, I'm probably referring to the kid.

It's raining and Angel's experienced a life-altering event, but he hasn't fallen down and started twitching. I don't even know who he is anymore. The MoG enter the Hyperion and pause to take in the rubble from the fight between Holtz and the commandos. The bodies have been removed, presumably by Lilah's friend Harvey. Gunn and Wesley are carrying weapons, because they're hunters. Cordy and Fred are carrying bags of baby goodies, because they're gatherers. Fred spots the cages and worries that whatever was in them could be loose in the hotel. Then she sees the neat labels which read "Baby" and "Mother." It's worse than you think, Fred, because the cage labeled "Cringe-Inducing Story Idea" is also empty. Gosh, where could it be? Oh, right there, in Angel's loving arms. Wesley complains, "Some bastard's blown a gaping hole in the lift." Angel says, "Sorry, my bastard." Huh? The baby didn't do it. There's a noise at the door, and everyone except Angel readies for an attack. Turns out it's just Cary, and not some baby-devouring demon. Pity. Cary explains that since the MoG are the reason Caritas keeps getting wrecked, they owe him a place to stay. While Gunn peels the "Baby" sticker off the cage, Cary asks for a chance to hold Cousin Oliver, but Angel's not inclined to share. Cordy explains that Angel's been a bit overprotective so far. There's a scratch on Cousin Oliver's cheek, and Cordy offers to put ointment on it. Angel grabs the ointment and insists on taking care of it himself. He does. And that's a full minute of airtime gone. Cordy snarks at Angel, but her heart ain't in it. Gunn picks up a cleaverish thing left by Dr. Fetvanovich, and Fred asks if Gunn thinks he could throw it. Why? Because there's a demon storming into the lobby. Whoosh, cleaver to the neck. Wesley explains, "Angel's son is part of the prophecy. Everyone and everything will be coming for him." First good news I've heard this evening. Gunn says they need a plan. Since baby hijinks aren't bad enough, how about some misdirection-based comedy? Angel says, "I think I figured it out." The MoG wait expectantly. "He wet himself," Angel explains. No problem, you can use pages from the script as diapers. Oh wait, someone already did. Credits. Thirty-eight minutes to go. Heavy sigh.

We return to discover that Angel is changing Godzookie's diaper on Wesley's desk. There's some symbolism for you. Wesley makes a crack to the effect that Angel also had sex on that desk. Angel grumps that it wasn't him, and adds, "Can we just keep the S-E-X talk away from the baby?" Then Angel has trouble figuring out those darn "newfangled" diapers. Wesley has some pointless dialogue about the diapers. Oh, man. Finally the diaper is changed, and Angel asks how "the list" is coming along. They head back to the lobby, while Wesley explains that they've come up with a list of definite threats to Godzookie: currently on the list are Holtz, Wolfram & Hart, and the vampire cult they ran into at the hospital. Then there's another list of those "who could pose a threat once they get wind of the baby." That list includes the Order of Phillius, Beltar the Cremator, Piper Beast, Frank, and the Scourge. Angel wonders who Frank is, and Gunn explains, "Local mobster. Specializes in kidnapping." Was that supposed to be funny? I honestly can't tell anymore. Godzookie cries. Angel decides that Godzookie's hungry, and tries to give him a bottle. There's been some of criticism of Angel's baby-tending skills, and I'm sure it's justified, but between my lack of interest in babies in general, and my violent antipathy to this baby in particular, I didn't notice. Really, my contact with babies consists of exactly nothing. I understand you aren't supposed to saut them, though. They're better deep-fried. Gunn offers to take Godzookie, since he "helped raise [his] cousin since she was, like, a week old." No dice. Angel carries Godzookie away from the evil menace that is Gunn and says, "We got a list; all we have to do is erase everyone on it." Fred, naturally, starts to erase the whiteboard, because she's the smart one. Cordy points out that Angel often uses "erase" to mean "kill," except that he doesn't, and she doesn't point that out, either. Wake me if something happens. While Angel fusses over the still-crying child, Fred re-inscribes Holtz's name on the whiteboard.

Which gives us a reason to cut to Holtz, thank goodness. Sahjhan and a herd of demons are trailing Holtz through the sewer tunnels. Sahjhan grumps, "Well, that was a thrilling evening." Maybe he hopped into the future and saw this episode already. It turns out he's vexed that Holtz let Angel go. Holtz asks, "Why didn't you tell me that Darla was pregnant?" Sahjhan says that it didn't matter, adding that now Darla has killed herself and done part of Holtz's job for him. Holtz menaces, "Angel's demise will be a great deal more painful." The demons are munching fast food and sipping sodas. As they reach the blunder-dome, Sahjhan suggests that Holtz stop plotting and start staking. Good grief, the credits are still rolling. There's the writer's name: David H. Goodman. Maybe this isn't entirely his fault, but this certainly wasn't the way to make a first impression. Holtz says they have to get rid of the demon minions, but Sahjhan is unwilling to break the contract he made with them. The blunder-dome is still lit with torches, but the wall of televisions has been replaced by a shiny computer. Suddenly the demons start gasping and collapsing, and Holtz explains that he poisoned their drinks. Holtz says, "I don't need mercenaries who will kill for anyone willing to pay their price. I need warriors who will die for my cause." I guess Sahjhan should have taken advantage of his time-travel to stop and pick up some kamikaze pilots. The last surviving minion tries to attack Holtz from behind, but Holtz kills it without bothering to turn around. Which makes you wonder why Holtz needs any help at all. Holtz turns to the computer and confirms that he can use it to get information. Sahjhan turns it on with a wave, showing the browser open to the old "Demons, Demons, Demons" website last seen two years ago, and asks what Holtz wants to see. "Obituaries," Holtz answers.

At the Hyperion, Gunn suggests that there might be more mysterious ninjas after little Mearth. Fred adds that to the list. Cordy goes to the very same "Demons, Demons, Demons" site and announces, "There are already three websites offering money for the baby." Hey, I'll chip in for that. Angel tells Fred to help Cordy trace the websites. More with Mearth and the crying and the bottle and, now, a teddy bear. Presumably the whole writing staff worked together to come up with this. And then read the finished script and thought, "Yeah! This will be good!" And they taped it, and saw dailies and edited it all together, and apparently no one saw anything wrong with it. Usually when I start wondering "How could anyone let this happen?" like this, Kevin Costner is involved. After a long stretch of nothing happening, there's a sudden flash of blue. Cary wanders out and explains that the Transducing Furies just "put a force-field over the entire hotel. No one, or thing, can get in or out." Fred supposes that they're safe, until she adds, "Unless one of those killers decides to throw a firebomb in at us like they did at your club, which had a similar safety spell around it, as I recall." Everyone stares at Fred. Probably they're all thinking that the spell at Caritas wasn't a force-field, it was an anti-violence spell, and presumably the force-field would keep everything, including firebombs, out. But since Fred's the genius, they don't want to embarrass her by pointing that out. Cary says that, if necessary, they can leave the hotel through an "emergency exit" to the sewers. He adds that the password to open the passage is the Pylean word for "hedgehog." Fred's reaction causes Gunn to guess that "it means something very different in English." No, we'll never find out what the word is. This is another piece of business that seems like the set-up to a joke, but there's no punchline. I guess that fits with the shaggy-dog story they're using for a plot. Cordy says that they'll have to use the emergency exit to take Mearth to a doctor. Angel says that Mearth's fine, but Cordy cites some baby-care book to prove that the kid needs a check-up. Then there's what's going to have to pass for a plot point, as Cary asks whether anyone else hears a humming sound. No one does. Angel asks Gunn to dig up some "serious firepower," and Gunn obediently heads out. Without pausing to get the password for the secret exit. It's not like that's a pesky detail from ages ago, guys; you just mentioned that earlier in this scene! Ah, and I'm interested to learn that for years Gunn has been fighting vampires and demons, with homemade arrows and a hubcap-axe. But apparently that was a stylistic choice, because all this time he could have scared up some really powerful weapons, he just didn't see a need for them. Angel gets vexed because Fred still hasn't traced the websites, and the list of enemies isn't done. He declares, "I promised his mother. No one is going to put their hands on this child." I don't remember him promising anything to Darla. Maybe it was during that horrible rooftop scene, since I've purged most of that from my memory.

Cut to a giant monitor which shows Angel marching upstairs. Linwood, Gavin, Lilah, and some nameless flunkies are watching the fun from a boardroom. Linwood complains that the Nyazian scroll said that the child wouldn't be born, and Lilah cites Macbeth as an example of the tricky wording prophets sometimes use. Gavin says he has a team working on "intercept scenarios." Linwood says that they need to figure out who Holtz is. Only, obviously, he doesn't refer to him by name, because then they'd already know who he is. Linwood looks at the monitor and coos at the baby. He sing-songs, "Your daddy is a vampire with a soul, and sometimes he reverts to a creature of pure, malevolent evil, who could rip your tiny throat out. Yes he does!" Thanks for taunting me with that idea. Linwood apologetically explains, "I like kids. The Senior Partners took mine before I really got to know them."

No matter how many times I pinch myself, I can't wake up from this horrible nightmare. Pebbles cries. Angel plays with teddy bear to entertain Pebbles and the audience. Pebbles and audience scream in mindless agony. Angel sings "Too Ra Loo Ra Loo Ral." I know it sounds as if that's something I threw in as a joke, but no, I swear, that actually happened. Cary enters. Cary sings "Ooo Baby Baby." Pebbles cries. Cary suggests that Pebbles is picking up on Angel's anxiety. I suggest that Pebbles just has a better sense of story than the writers. Exit Cary. Angel makes faces. Finally, he vamps out. Pebbles stops crying. Twenty-five minutes to go. Kill me.

During the commercial break, I talk to Johanna, who is trying to come up with ways they could get rid of the child. She suggests that maybe they could just send the kid into hiding somewhere, which has certainly been suggested in the forums. But I don't like that idea because at this point, just knowing the kid exists, even if we never see it again, is bad. I went along with the pregnant Darla thing, I was willing to see where it went because I thought maybe there was a plan. But twenty minutes of baby hijinks seems to be the payoff, so now I'm stating, for the record, that I want to see the kid die in a gruesome manner on-camera, just so I'm sure that it won't come back. I need to see tiny little severed limbs. In fact, they could do a whole episode just about the dead baby, and call it "The Teeny Little Mutilated Body," or something. Johanna objects to my blood lust, because she thinks that if the kid dies, Angel will be moodier and gloomier than ever. Honestly, if it's that or seeing him act like a giant buffoon, I say bring on the angst.

Lilah enters a file room at Wolfram & Hart and asks the clerk for Angel's case file, in the hopes that she can figure out who Holtz is. The clerk pulls out a massive binder and announces that it contains everything, "right down to the baby that wasn't supposed to be born." Lilah asks the clerk how she knows about the baby. The clerk smiles, "I'm Files and Records. It's my job." Lilah starts to head out with the binder, and then the clerk explains that the binder is just a reference key to the complete file. Lilah sighs and asks where the file is. The clerk flips on some overhead lights to reveal long rows of file cabinets, and explains that the first thirty-five cabinets are devoted to Angel. Lilah takes this in and asks, "Does China Palace deliver down here?"

Cut to Holtz, who's lurking. He pulls out a printout of an obituary notice for a redhead named Julia Cooper. Then he looks up and watches a redhead stroll out of a building and light a cigarette. Hey, it's Lyta Alexander! Lyta's wearing a leather jacket, jeans, an artfully torn shirt, and a giant belt buckle that she must have stolen from a professional wrestler. Lyta strolls along. There's a shot of Holtz's feet following her. Usually, when you just see someone's feet like this, it's because the director wants to keep the person's identity a secret from the audience. But we know it's Holtz, and even if we didn't, his duster is kind of a give-away, so I don't know what the idea was here. Lyta walks. Holtz follows. Lyta disappears around a corner, and Holtz finds her cigarette smoldering on the ground. This is every bit as exciting as it sounds. He turns, and Lyta attacks him. Fisticuffs, quippage. Holtz observes, "You stick to the shadows," and Lyta says she's not a day person. It seems like we're supposed to believe that this is a vamped Julia, doesn't it? Maybe if this conversation had taken place at night, or indoors, that would have helped. Holtz slams Lyta into a wall and says, "I know you're in pain. I know what it's like to grieve." Lyta turns to leave, as if that answers all of her questions, but then Holtz calls her back by giving her a name. She's Justine, and I bet Holtz can teach her a thing or two about the misfortunes of virtue.. He fills in her backstory, telling her that her twin, Julia, was killed by vampires six months ago. That would be the triumph of vice for you. The obituary is dated June 6, so presumably this episode and the two before it are all taking place in November or December. Just mentioning that in case the timing gets goofy later. Holtz says that he wants to help Justine, but she's not interested, and leaves.

The Hyperion. Fred and Cordy are still practicing their web-fu. Angel comes downstairs with Little Ricky. Soul-numbing discussion of the wee bairn commences. Cordy offers to watch Little Ricky and let Angel rest, but he announces, "I'll sleep when he's safe." Cordy tells Angel that it takes a village, blah blah blah babycakes. She leads Angel outside and reminds him that he's got that pesky sunlight issue. Angel pouts, and then sticks his hand out into a ray of sunlight. His hand starts to smoke, although not as much as you'd expect if you believed in continuity, and Angel intones, "If he has to get to the hospital at noon, on the sunniest day of the year, he'll get there, even if I don't." Well, that seems perfectly reasonable. Cordy finally shoves Angel's hand down, and he turns and sulkily goes inside.

Back in the lobby, Cary enters and sniffs, then asks, "Is that bacon I smell, or did somebody fall asleep with the curtains open?" He leans over the baby and tells Angel, "A guy like you, a place like this, the only truly safe room would be the janitor's closet." As he leans over Angel's shoulder, we aren't supposed to notice that he sneakily slides a piece of paper into Angel's shirt pocket. Angel says, "Thanks for the tip," and walks away. Gunn enters from the basement with a bag of weapons. Gunn mentions that there are two cars with blacked-out windows outside, so he figures the vampire cult has returned. He adds that he spotted some bikers that he knows are into kidnapping and extortion, and also some hooded demons in a van. Wesley identifies the last threats as Lilliad demons, who "make a magical broth from the bones of human children." Wesley figures the Lilliad demons want to see if a baby with vampire parents will make a new taste treat, and adds that they may be able to use magic to break the force-field spell. Angel asks why the demons haven't already attacked, and Wesley says that the demons' power are linked to the moon, so they'll wait till night to make their move. Everyone frets.

Lilah is sitting on the floor of the records room, with files scattered around her. She talks to herself, trying to remember what Angel called Holtz when they all had a chat at the Hyperion. "Hose...Hope?" she mutters. The clerk offers, "Holtz?" Lilah turns, and the clerk announces, "Holtz, Daniel. Vampire-killer, circa 1754. Hunted Angel and Darla halfway around the world until his mysterious disappearance in 1773." Lilah wonders how the clerk knows that, and the clerk repeats, "I'm Files and Records. It's my job." Lilah grumps that she's been wasting her time looking at the files when the clerk knows everything that's in them. You would think that Lilah would have encountered the records room, and the clerk, before now. Like, when they were researching Darla prior to raising her, maybe? Lilah asks the clerk why Holtz has "the big hate-on for Angel." The clerks' eyes flash like little slot machines for a moment, and then she fills Lilah in on how Angel and Darla killed Holtz's family. She continues, "Holtz vows to avenge their blood, May, 1764. Pursues Angel and Darla relentlessly for nine years, racking up an incidental body-count of three hundred and seventy-four vampires in the meantime." You'd think the Watcher's Council would have picked up on Holtz at some point. Actually, maybe they did. Or maybe he founded the Watcher's Council. That would be neat. Lilah says, "So what we're dealing with is a single-minded vengeance machine with the blood lust to match. That's just...awesome."

Cut to a graveyard at night. At night? That day went quickly. Justine is fighting a vampire while Holtz lurks and watches. He stops lurking when Justine is knocked back into him. He catches her and shoves her back toward the vampire. More fighting. Justine tries to stake the vamp, but he knocks the stake away and tackles her. Before he can bite her, Holtz stakes him. Justine insists, "I would have kicked his ass if you hadn't distracted me." Holtz goes all Jedi-master on her, comments on her passion and lack of strategy, and offers to teach her how to fight. He explains that in return, he needs Justine to help him kill a vampire. Holtz says he can "hone [Justine] into an instrument of vengeance." Justine glares at him and says, much too threateningly, "Sounds like fun!" Holtz proves that he is equal to her cheese by responding, "It won't be." He turns and walks away, and Justine follows hesitantly, thinking, "I can't believe I said 'sounds like fun' that way. That was so lame. I bet he teases me about that forever. Ugh."

The Lilliad demons approach the hotel, chanting an incantation. Gunn watches from an upstairs window and tells the rest of the MoG that the attack is beginning. Fred and Wesley start pulling out weapons. Gunn continues to narrate as the vampires come out and start to rumble with the bikers over who's got dibs on the baby. Wesley says that they'll try to hold their ground, and if necessary they can retreat through the sewer tunnels. Angel announces that the plan isn't going to work. Cary agrees, and asks what Angel's plan is. Angel thinks he can take Robin T. Frog and run. The MoG get angry because Angel is abandoning them, and I start muttering, "What the hell?" Because why exactly couldn't they all escape through the sewers? And, for that matter, why did they decide to stay at the Hyperion instead of leaving at some point in the twelve hours? Cordy confirms that Angel's just going to leave, and Gunn asks, "Why not? It's what he's good at. Sure you don't want to fire us first?" Fire you from what? There haven't been any actual cases in forever. Angel continues packing up a bag of stuff as he insists that once the attackers discover that Robin T. Frog is gone, they'll leave. He adds, "Wesley, stall them if you can." Angel stomps off as everyone stares after him, and Fred moans, "Angel, don't leave us." But he does. Twelve minutes left.

So, if you're following this, and I certainly don't blame you if you aren't, Angel is insisting that only he can protect the baby, and that's why he's abandoning his friends. Leaving them to, well, protect the baby, by stalling the attackers. See how that doesn't make sense? There's no reason that the MoG have to stay at the Hyperion; they could follow Angel out through the sewers, and go their separate ways if they feel so betrayed that they don't want to help Angel. Yeah, I know, it's all a big fake-out. But the audience is supposed to buy it, which means there's got to be some plausibility to it. I didn't think it was a "clever plan," I just thought that the characters were reacting in nonsensical ways so that the story could go where the writers wanted it to. I know, that's hardly unusual, but for some reason prolonged exposure hasn't made it any easier to cope with.

Gavin and Linwood watch on the monitor as Angel exits through the sewer. Gavin orders "Alpha team" into the sewers in hot pursuit. Linwood pauses to remind us why, exactly, they care about the baby: "This child could grow up and hunt every one of us down. Let's not let that happen, shall we?" Huh? That's even worse that the stupid motive they had originally, which seemed to be idle curiosity. Now they're worried about what the kid might do to them in twenty years? So worried that they can't wait a minute to see if any of the other threats might solve their problem for them? So worried that they want to join the herd and attack now, while Angel is on high alert? Gavin says they'll retrieve the baby, dead or alive. Lilah proves her superior suck-up skills by noting that they want the baby alive, so they can "cut him open while he's still breathing and figure out how the hell he's alive in the first place." Oh, there's the idle curiosity motive! That's right, they figure some vivisection will reveal something about supernatural events. Hm, maybe they should stick with "the baby's a threat" after all.

Angel hurries through the sewers.

A pair of Humvees pull up outside the Hyperion, carrying Wolfram & Hart's latest batch of redshirts. The Lilliad demons are still chanting, and there's finally some crackling lightning around the hotel to show that the force-field is down. Everyone hurries for the hotel.

Inside, the MoG ready for battle by, uh, standing up. Wesley says, "[I'm] trying to imagine myself as John Wayne in Rio Bravo. You?" Gunn replies, "Austin Stoker, Assault on Precinct 13." Me, I'm imagining myself as Peter Finch in Network. ["I'm Gabrielle Union in Bring It On, as usual." -- Wing Chun]

The demons and bikers and vampires start fighting each other. Maybe when they returned from Pylea, they accidentally ended up in a parallel universe where Earth is almost exactly the same except that the average IQ is about fifty points lower.

Angel reaches a ladder and climbs. Up top, he shoves a manhole cover away from where it had been placed neatly over a square hole in the street. Good grief. If you look closely, you can see that on the manhole cover there's an inscription that reads, "We just don't care any more. Signed, the cast & crew." Angel walks over to his car and hops in. Team Humvee spies the Angelmobile pulling away, and follows.

The demonpalooza mosh pit has moved to the courtyard, and a couple of Lilliad demons and bikers make it into the lobby. One of the demons asks, "Where is the child?" Wesley says, "Upstairs, room 312. Why don't you go and get him? Oh wait, I have a better idea." Then he ignites the blowtorch, figuring that having stunned the baddies with leaden dialogue, now it's time to put them out of their misery.

Out in the courtyard, a couple of baddies notice the Angelmobile and Humvee parade passing by. A vampire runs into the lobby and announces, "Master, it's a trick! They've taken the child." He looks down at a smoldering Lilliad corpse, and then Wesley incinerates him.

Back outside, the kidnappers hop onto their motorcycles and set off in pursuit of the baby. I just cannot believe I'm typing this. The vampires and demons join the chase. Wesley hopes that they stalled the baddies long enough for Angel to get away. Gunn grouses, "Whatever. Running away was his call."

Lots of vehicles squeal around corners into a crazy car chase blipvert of doom. The Angelmobile tools past a sign that suggests he's heading for the Mojave desert. Vampire. Desert. Bad combination. Angel talks to Chachi while one of the Humvee bumps into the car. Angel is holding Chachi in one arm, and steering with the other. And talking. During a car chase. The baby has made a car chase boring! That's its superpower. Anyway, Angel expresses some stupid fears about his stupid ability to parent the stupid baby. Then he steers the car over to the abandoned mine. At this point, sure, why not have an abandoned mine? The car crashes through some fences and into a building that covers the mine entrance. All of the baddies dutifully follow with their vans and motorcycles and cars and Humvees. I'm waiting for a mobile home and a group of knights on horseback to join the chase. Oh wait, that was the other show.

Angel carries Albert Ingalls with him as he climbs down into the remarkably cavernous mine. Outside, the baddies resume fighting each other. Why weren't they knocking each other off the road during the chase, then? Wait. It's the baby! The baby doesn't induce boredom, it induces furious anger! So when the baddies get close to it, they get so riled up that they start fighting each other. And that's why Angel was so grumpy, and why he and the MoG had the fight! And that's why every time I see the baby I get furious and want to smash the television! It's all so clear now. Some of the baddies finally make it into the mine. It's sort of hard to tell what's going on, since...well, it's awfully dark in there. It looks as though Angel has run into a cave and found his escape route blocked with a metal gate. The baddies approach, and he's cornered. Angel tells Albert Ingalls, "Could be worse. At least you're not crying." But I am. Because there's still six minutes to go.

Then there's one of those "The Truth" ads, which I only mention because it happens to feature toilets prominently. And so I taped it, because it seemed so symbolic of the current storyline.

When we return, a Lilliad demon demands the baby. Angel shouts, "You want the baby? You can have the baby!" and tosses it into the crowd. Since none of these baddies has ever seen Prizzi's Honor, they dutifully scramble to catch the baby while Angel does something clever that allows him to escape. I'm not sure what, exactly, because did I mention how dark it is? Something with a rope and a sandbag and a vertical tunnel so he goes whizzing up to the surface. The demons, who are astonishingly dumb, eagerly pull away the kid's blanket while the Angelmobile drives away. Guess what? It's not the baby at all! It's the teddy bear, with a bomb attached to it. If I was expecting to catch a baby, and caught a teddy bear instead, I bet I'd immediately notice the difference in weight and squishiness. Whatever. Boom.

We cut to a hospital waiting room. A doctor leads Wesley, Fred, and Cordy into another room. Cordy's holding little Adric.

At Wolfram & Hart, the monitor shows the scene where Cary slides a note into Angel's pocket. Linwood has them zoom in so he can spot the note-passing. On the monitor, Cary says, "The only truly safe room would be the janitor's closet." Linwood notes that Cary was telling Angel where to read the note. Because there aren't any cameras in that closet. There are cameras everywhere else? Even on the unused floors? They covered every inch of the place and then ignored one closet? And then they didn't think anything strange was going on when Angel actually spent some time in there? Linwood says, "All that sturm und drang about Angel running out on them? Just a performance." Lilah admires Angel's acting skills, and Gavin insists, "It was one-note, it felt forced." Yeah, how meta, we get it. Linwood says that the plan worked to Wolfram & Hart's advantage, since now there are fewer groups competing for the baby. He asks if there's any news on Holtz, and Lilah explains that Holtz is an enemy of Angel's from two hundred years ago. Linwood's surprised to hear about the time-travel bit, and Gavin adds that Holtz's arrival was mentioned in the Nyazian scroll. It was? He's mentioned if Holtz is the Tro-clon, sure, but you'd think they'd have learned by now how tricky it can be to interpret prophecies. Linwood says they need to find out what Holtz is doing. Suddenly alarms go off. Angel marches into the room and slices Linwood's cheek with a knife. Angel explains that the cut is to match the one on his son's cheek, and says, "I'm holding you personally responsible for anything that happens to him, whether it's your fault or not. A cold, sunburn, a scratched knee -- whatever happens to him happens to you and then some." He pulls Linwood up and says, "Not only are you not coming after him, you're gonna make sure [that] he lives a long, healthy life. You just became his godfather, understand?" Some guards finally rush in, and Linwood tells them it's okay. Angel makes a final quip about saving for a Notre Dame college fund, and exits. Hm, a guy in black and his corrupt adversary, arguing over the fate of a character that they're both somewhat responsible for bringing into the world. Maybe the kid's name is Miracleman.

The doctor returns to the waiting room and says that the baby is perfectly healthy. Then there's some wild merriment because first she thinks Cordy is the mother, then she thinks Fred is the mother. But they aren't! So it's very amusing! Ha! Wesley finally explains that the baby's mother is "no longer in the picture." The doctor accepts that, and asks the baby's name. From off-screen, Angel announces, "Connor." The doctor writes that down as Angel takes the baby. Angel coos at the baby. Fred babbles at the world. Gunn strolls in with a, um, stroller, which Cordy puts the baby in. Fred nervously asks if anyone else will be coming after them now. Angel assures her that they're all perfectly safe. Plaintive music plays as they all walk down the hall, Angel pushing the stroller. This is wrong beyond the telling of it. I wait for a quick shot of Holtz doing something evil, just to give us some reason to hope that the kid is toast, but there's nothing but credits.

So, Angel's character growth, his discovery that he needed to trust his friends and let them help care for his son, happened off-camera. Let's say that again. A major change in the title character's attitude, which was the focus of half of the episode, happened off-camera. What the hell? And about that plan...what was it, exactly? I mean, what part of depended on faking a big fight between Angel and the MoG? The only people who knew about that were Wolfram & Hart's team, and that affected their plans not at all, as far as I can tell. If Angel had said, "I'm going to leave, you hold them off here" with no fake abandonment angst, what would have happened differently? Wolfram & Hart would still have seen him leave, and they still would have sent the Humvees after him, and the other baddies still would have given chase. Switching the baby for a bomb needed to be a secret, sure. But the fight? Pointless. When the only way to make the story interesting is to intentionally mislead the audience about what's going on, you might as well start wrapping things up with "It was all a dream!" Or, if there's a baby involved, "It was all just a horrible nightmare."