Quickening

Holtz gets ready to storm through the door.

Darla tells Sarah to close her eyes, and then vamps out. Caroline tries to get up, but Angel holds her in her chair and vamps out. He lurks behind her and says, "Tell your husband, Mr. Holtz...Never mind, I'll tell him m'self." The vampires do what they do best.

Holtz and his men enter the house and begin searching through it. We go to a POV shot as we move through the dark, abandoned house. Nobody seems to notice the creepy handprints on the walls, or the slacker kid standing in the corner. Holtz tosses some furniture out of the way and throws open a trapdoor. He sees a piece of paper fixed to the inside of the door and picks it up. It reads, "How do you hope to save others when you cannot save your own?" Holtz leans down to check out the space under the trapdoor again, and says, "They're at my house." He seems pretty calm about it, all things considered.

A baby starts crying, and Angel and Darla look up from their respective corpses. Angel makes a face like he's got something stuck in his teeth, which is kind of amusing if you're sick. Which I am. Darla whines, "Can't something be done about that horrible noise? I think it wants its mother." Angel suggests that they send the baby to its mother, and asks, "Do you want to do it, or should I?" Darla laughs.

Gallop, gallop, gallop. Holtz hurries into his house and sees his wife's body. I find it very interesting that he was hunting vampires before his family was killed. He and Gunn should chat sometime, since they seem to have some things in common. Also, I wonder if Holtz's posse first formed as a result of Angel & Darla's trip to meet the Master in London.

Cut to the Hyperion. Hey, it appears that there are a few balconies on the sides of lower floors after all. I said there weren't. Huh, never noticed them before. Well, I've learned something. Darla is napping in Angel's bed. Angel enters and sits to her, then gently puts a hand on her giant plastic belly. He's wearing a long-sleeved t-shirt, which I like. The more of his skin that's covered, the better. Oh, fine, and his arms aren't bad. Darla stirs and slides her hand over Angel's. Just when you're about ready to puke at the heartwarmingness of it all, Darla says, "Are you going to do it, or am I?" That would be spookier if I was sure what she meant. Did she just happen to be thinking about Holtz's baby? That's quite a coincidence. Credits. Hey, the music from that last scene sort of fades into the opening theme. It doesn't usually do that. Usually the credits start with that quiet "plink-plink." Neat. It's all in the details, people.

In his underground cavern, Holtz is sitting, staring at four television sets showing historical footage. I tried to find out whether there was a proper term for the bowls of fire that are lighting up the room, and it appears that there is. They're called "lamps." Just so we're clear, these are the bowl o' fire kind, not the lightbulb kind. I bring this up because if you can plug in a bunch of television sets, why not use electric lighting? Sahjhan, the demon buddy, steps up behind Holtz and reminds us that Holtz has been napping in a statue for 227 years. So presumably Holtz pulled a Rip Van Winkle soon after his adventure in Rome. Sahjhan provides a poetic summary of western civilization's progress, and Holtz asks how England has handled the march of time. Sahjhan says, "It went through a rough patch about sixty years ago, but it's mostly unchanged: warm beer, boiled meat, bad teeth. That's why I moved to L.A." Holtz asks why it is that, with all the improvements in weaponry over the years, nobody has killed Angel and Darla. Sahjhan wisely skips over the fact that, actually, Darla's been killed, and Angel's gone to hell, but now they're both back. Instead, he non-explains that Holtz's fate is "entwined" with Darla's and Angel's. Holtz is eager to get to the slaying part, but Sahjhan says he hasn't waited this long to mess it up now. He also explains that he can "navigate" through other dimensions, where time moves differently, which is how he's kept track of Angel and Darla. He can travel to other dimensions? And across time? That's not good. I hope he gets killed soon, because if he isn't, I sense all kinds of bad storylines headed our way. Holtz asks whether this dimension-hopping is the reason Sahjhan hasn't aged. The demon says, "Yes. That, and I've had a little work done, mostly around the eyes." Sahjhan tells Holtz to get some rest, then exits as Holtz sits down to watch more TV. Where's he supposed to rest? Those chairs don't look very comfortable.

Darla asks Angel whether he's figured out "a way to do it." I'm not sure what she's talking about. Angel says that he's been reminiscing about Darla's last visit. Darla seems to have found a comb since the last episode, although Johanna pointed out that Darla should have extra-beautiful hair, since she's pregnant. And she should be radiant! I guess it's different when you're undead. Darla says that their last encounter was hard to forget, although Angel admits that he's tried. Darla says, "You were the one who came in here all, 'The world's a cold and lonely place.'" Angel sighs, "I'd had a bad day." Heh. They continue the trip down memory lane until they're interrupted by a knock at the door. I like the way they interact. They convey equal parts of familiarity and dislike, kind of like Lindsey and Lilah. There's a double-date I'd like to see.

The MoG enter to announce a thrilling new development in the scroll-translation plotline. Wesley says that the Tro-clon is "a confluence of events," not a being. Angel frowns, wondering whether anyone will laugh if he asks what "confluence" means. Cordy restates the idea in smaller words, emphasizing the fact that there are probably "other horrible things we don't know about" involved. Angel is pleased to hear that "the kid isn't this evil, apocalyptic thing that we feared." He turns to Darla as he says this, and she gives him a look like, "What do you mean 'we,' paleface?" Wesley isn't ready to clear the kid of all apocalyptic connections, because he still has more action-packed translating to do. Darla announces that something is protecting the baby, and Fred asks how she knows that. Darla sits down and explains, "Because I can't get rid of it." Gunn points his crossbow at her and asks, "So you're saying if I shot this [into] your stomach, it wouldn't do anything?" Darla's willing to give it a try, but Angel intervenes. Wesley says, "Clearly something wants this thing to come to term." Just as I'm about to shout, "Yeah, but you don't know if it's something good, dork!" Wesley adds, "We'll wait for it to be born, then chop its head off." Cordy suggests getting a big mallet, and Gunn points out, "If it skitters, we should have a net or something. Maybe a flamethrower." Heh. Gunn's been watching Alien. Angel pulls out his Xander persona and insists, "There will be no throwing of flames!" He says they aren't going to do anything until they understand what's happening, and adds, "If anybody's got a problem with that, they should leave. Now." Darla cheerfully hops up and heads for the door until Angel grabs her arm. Angel waits for everyone to jump aboard his parenthood train. Cordy steps forward and asks, "You want me to protect the vampire bitch who bit me, and her evil love child?" Given how strong she is right now, I'm not sure Darla really needs protecting. Then Cordy punches Darla. Oh, my mistake. Having expressed her feelings, Cordy grins, "Okay, I'm in." Darla moans in pain, and Cordy teases her until Fred explains that Darla is having contractions. Everyone stares at Darla. Cordy's expression is wonderfully unsympathetic.

In her office, Lilah pricks her finger, squeezes blood into an inkwell, and then uses it to sign her name on a contract. Hey, I didn't know she was working for MBTV now. As she finishes, a kid from the mailroom enters. His name is Cyril. Lilah puts the contract in a folder and asks Cyril to take it to "Penderhook down in Demon Resources." Cyril looks a bit like Henry from Dawson's Creek. What's weirder is that he looks a bit like Caroline Holtz. Wonder whether that signifies something. Anyway, Cyril hesitantly tells Lilah that he admires her. Lilah smirks and says that she doesn't date guys from the mailroom. Cyril chirps, "Oh, me neither!" Lilah looks up at him in a way that's much funnier than the joke. It turns out that Cyril just wants to give Lilah a CD. Aw, I bet it's a mix featuring a lot of songs by Sting and the Goo Goo Dolls. Cyril just seems that type. Cyril slowly moves back toward the door as Lilah pops it into her PC and sees a short clip of her desktop make-out session with Angel. Lilah jumps up and gets in Cyril's face as she furiously asks whether he's trying to blackmail her into having sex with him. Cyril quickly says that she's misunderstood his intentions. He says that he's aware of the different factions within Wolfram & Hart, and that "there comes a time when a guy has to choose a side." Lilah asks whether he's picking her side, and Cyril nods happily. I really like Lilah's delivery as she somewhat skeptically asks, "And who are we allied against, you and I? Who is this common foe?" Cyril doesn't want to say, so Lilah encourages him: "If you don't tell me right now, I am gonna have your skin peeled off and stapled back on inside-out." With that, Cyril is only to happy to name Gavin Park. Duh. Cyril explains that the exterminators Gavin sent to the Hyperion were actually planting bugs and hidden cameras. Lilah grabs the CD and leaves the room.

In a dingy basement room, a master technician is tapping a television monitor to make the picture come in. Hitting electronics always makes them work. I'm not kidding, actually. You've just gotta show 'em who's boss. We pan across monitors showing a deserted Hyperion, and hear the dialogue from Cordy's training session last week. It turns out, I think, that we're hearing what a transcriber is listening to over his headphones as he types. Oh, I so feel for that guy. Gavin reads over his shoulder, "'Keeyi, ha, yawa, ow?' Is someone doing an incantation?" The transcriber explains that those are the sounds of Cordy punching Angel in the nose. The transcriber hands over a big book of printouts which he says contains everything up until last week. Then Lilah enters and calmly asks whether Gavin thought he could blackmail her with the CD. Gavin says, "No one cares. From what I hear, bumping uglies with an old man who body-jumped into a vampire is the closest thing you've had to a meaningful relationship in years." They all know about that? Bummer. He says he's got more important things in mind, and then loudly thanks Cyril. Cyril enters, and Lilah is inexplicably surprised that Cyril wasn't totally honest about whose side he was on. Lilah, even if you are surprised -- which you shouldn't be -- you should act like you knew it all along. How did she get to be such a bigwig at Wolfram & Hart if she's this trusting? She quickly regains her composure, though, and asks whether this is Gavin's "convoluted, pathetic way of asking for [her] help." She notes that Gavin needs more money and staff for what he's doing, and starts flipping through the big book of transcripts. Gavin insists that he just wanted Lilah to know what he'd been up to. Good idea, Gavin. At least they're both equally dopey. Lilah spots something in the transcripts and asks who the "unidentified pregnant female" is. Well, Lilah, the word "unidentified" suggests that nobody knows who it is. As she points to the transcript, I try to make out some of the typing. It starts, "Ok, how far is Roswell? Do you know?" and further down the page there's something about "infamous Area 51." So this is an old X-Files script that they found lying around and turned into a prop? That's funny. The transcriber explains that they lost audio for a few days, but he can show them the tape. He pops it in, and Lilah leans down and gasps, "Darla?" Gavin reminds us for the five thousandth time that vampires can't get pregnant. Lilah whips out her cell phone and tells someone named Linwood that she has surprising news for him.

Darla moans and whines about the pain, and Angel gently reminds her, "You like pain." Heh. Darla grabs his arm and gasps, "This is different! I want it out! Now!" Wesley tells her that she's going into labor, and when Angel asks how long it'll take, he says, "On average, about eighteen hours." Darla cries some more, and the MoG quietly flee. I would, too, if I could. Angel helps Darla to the bed, and then he, too, flees the groaning vampire. In the sitting room, Angel tells the MoG, "We've gotta figure out what's inside of her, now. Before it skitters out." Gunn suggests getting a demon doctor, "someone who understands how her vampire girl-parts work." Fred suggests trying a normal hospital, and Cordy none-too-gently points out that hospitals don't admit vampires. She's getting fed up with Fred, too. Welcome to the club, Cordy. Angel says that they don't have to admit Darla, and Wesley burbles, "Of course! We don't need the right doctor, we just need the right equipment." Oh, yeah. Of course. Because of that Obstetrics class Wesley took over the summer, which is where he made friends with the mortician and picked up a police scanner. Darla wails some more in the other room, and I am finally rescued by a blipvert.

In an office hallway, Lilah and Gavin chat with Linwood, who I think we can assume is their newest boss. They're all a bit tense. Linwood says that "heads are gonna roll if the senior partners hear about this." Lilah says that she's sequestering all of their psychics, and adds, "We will get to the bottom of this." Linwood pontificates about how terrible this is, and then Lilah insists that no one could have known this would happen. Then why are you interrogating the psychics? Gavin agrees with her, though, and they walk on. The camera lingers to show us that Cyril was hiding in a nearby office, eavesdropping on their conversation. How'd he happen to know that they would stop in that part of the hallway to chat? Cyril walks deeper into the office as he dials a phone. We hear a woman's voice say, "Hi, you've reached the Titles." She says that you can press one to leave a message for Christine. A man's voice adds, "For Bentley, press two." Then a deep, hoarse voice says, "Or to speak to, or worship, Master Tarfall, Underlord of Pain, press three." Ha! I think we can assume that Cyril presses three. His message is, "Master, it's happened! The thing you have foreseen has come to be. We must tell the others."

We're back in York, but now it's 1773. Holtz is dozing by the fire, visions of blipverts dancing in his head. A spooky blur solidifies into a dark shape behind him, and...oh, we know it's Sahjhan. Holtz tells the demon, "Be a man and show your face." Sahjhan steps forward and admits, "I'm not a man." A moment later, he clarifies, "But clearly masculine. You get that, right?" After some back and forth, Sahjhan tells Holtz that he'll die without ever avenging his family unless he accepts Sahjhan's help. But he'll have a chance to kill Angel and Darla if he'll just let Sahjhan transport him two hundred years into the future. Holtz sniffs, "Through black magic and sorcery." Sahjhan responds, "No, on a mule cart. Of course through black magic and sorcery; I'm a demon!" Holtz asks what Sahjhan wants in return. Sahjhan answers, "I want your word that when the time comes, you will show them no mercy." Gee, I wonder if that part of the bargain will become important. Particularly since we already know that Holtz accepts the offer, so the only reason to show us this scene is to learn the specifics of the deal.

Angel wheels Darla through a hospital. Darla whines about how hungry she is. Cordy waves them into an operating theater. Wesley expositions that Fred and Gunn are off looking for ultrasound equipment. Because nobody would stop them from just snatching expensive medical equipment. Angel eyes the gallery as Wesley explains that it's a teaching hospital. And I suppose classes are open to the public, which is why Wesley knows how to use all the equipment. Darla says that the contractions have stopped, and Wesley hesitantly feels her tummy. He speculates that she was experiencing false labor. This is just fascinating. Gunn and Fred arrive with the equipment. They didn't even dress like doctors or do anything to make this easier to swallow. Sigh.

Cityscape-vert. Sahjhan returns to find Holtz angrily pacing about. Holtz shouts that he's tired of waiting, and reaches out to grab Sahjhan, but the demon's body seems to be mist or smoke, and there's nothing to grab. Sahjhan asks, "Do you think I'd go to all this trouble [sic] of transporting you two and a half centuries if I could just walk up to Angelus and stake him myself?" He says there are "rules and timetables and forces at work," which I sure hope are explained eventually. Because I wouldn't want to think we're just supposed to say, "Oh, sure, rules," and accept that as an explanation for why Sahjhan wants Angel dead, and why he can't do the deed himself even though he seems to be pretty well invulnerable to physical violence. I'm sure there are reasons. Good, interesting reasons. Which we will learn. Anyway, Sahjhan gestures and his demon makeup disappears so that he can roam the streets unnoticed. He gives Holtz a coat and says he's arranged for some outside help.

At Wolfram & Hart, demons and psychics and weather forecasters are being questioned in a conference room. We hear someone asking, "Are you now, or have you ever been a vampire? Are any of your friends vampires? Have you attended any meetings, gatherings of vampires?" Linwood is interrogating a psychic who looks like Michael Stipe. Since Stipe didn't foresee the baby, Linwood has Stipe suffocated with a plastic bag. Lilah finishes chatting with the Wolfram & Hart mind-sweepers and reports to Linwood that no one knew about Darla's pregnancy. She says there's a scroll prophesying a vampire birth, but it is, of course, missing. Linwood mentions that all sorts of "groups and cults and organizations" would love to have some vampire spawn to hold and pet and love and call "George." Linwood insists that they have to get the baby, "dissect it, and find out what it means." "Dissect it"? I thought Wolfram & Hart was a little more industrious than that. You find out about a miraculous child that all kinds of groups are interested in, maybe you should find out what it means before you kill it. Because maybe it's useful. And if it isn't inherently useful, you can use it to control all those other groups. Nope, don't buy the "We must find it and kill it!" response. Gavin pops up to report that Linwood has a call from Berlin. Linwood gripes, "If they've heard about this in Berlin, Singapore and Muncie can't be far behind." Then there's a bit where Lilah is surprised to learn that, if the senior partners get vengeful, Linwood will say it's all Lilah's fault. Why is she surprised? That's twice this episode that Lilah seems to have forgotten that the people she works with aren't terribly kind and trustworthy. Linwood tells Lilah, "Darla was resurrected on your watch. I can think of no better scapegoat." What about Holland, who presumably came up with the scheme? It's always safe to blame the dead guy. Or Lindsey, who hid Darla from Wolfram & Hart? Come on Lilah, you've got to learn to shift the blame. Linwood wanders off, and Gavin chuckles at Lilah's problem. Lilah tells him to "watch and learn," and pulls out her cell phone.

A ninja meditates. Or something. He does a little magic trick with candle and flash paper, and then his phone rings. He listens for a minute, says, "I understand," and hangs up. Then he stands up and uses the force -- or perhaps fishing line -- to make his sword fly across the room and into his hand. Gee, Lilah's got an amateur magician on her side. I'm sure Gavin is trembling in fear.

Wesley does ultrasound things. Everyone looks at the monitor and plays "spot the head" for a while. Darla looks at the image and mutters, "My little parasite." Wesley announces, "It's human." How does he know that? We're never told. He can just tell. I guess they covered that in his Obstetrics class: "How to distinguish mutant hell spawn from normal human babies." Actually, that would be useful. Gunn asks, "'Human' as in humanoid? As in, Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers?" I love Gunn. Wesley clarifies, "Human as in...a boy." "A boy?" says Angel. "A boy. A boy," says Wesley. Wesley tells Darla, "You're carrying a boy." It's like a My First Aaron Sorkin Script here. Fred tries to interrupt, and of course Angel is whelmed by the wonder of it all, so finally Fred has to burst out, "We're surrounded by vampires!" Sure enough, there are vampires up in the gallery and all around them. These people need to work on their peripheral vision. Or at least realize that when someone's trying to interrupt you, it's usually to tell you that you're about to be attacked by a monster. One vampire announces, "Behold the miracle child, for his time has come." All the vamps (well, not Angel and Darla, but you probably guessed that) raise their arms and kneel, chanting, "Praise be."

City-vert. Holtz and Sahjhan are strolling down the street. Either Sahjhan is very tall, or Holtz is very short. I guess it could be a little of both. Sahjhan pontificates about this modern world of ours, and I suddenly realize that he's like the Anti-Doyle. Holtz spies a poster of a happy couple with two children and wonders, "They have families?" Sahjhan confirms that they do. Well, that wasn't quite as skull-crushing as an anvil; more like a spare tire. From a semi. They head across the street and towards a dingy building as Sahjhan explains, "This is where we'll get your men."

The building turns out to contain a demon gym. As he stares at the various demons lifting weights and boxing, Holtz observes, "These aren't men." Sahjhan, who has gone back to his demon guise, explains, "Once again, gender, not species. I should have said 'minions.'" When you're dealing with beings whose forms of reproduction are radically different from ours, is it truly meaningful to assign gender roles, which are based largely on social norms rather than sexual functions, especially if...Sorry. Still suffering from the after-effects of "Billy." Sahjhan calls all the demons over to meet "the new jefe." Holtz asks if Sahjhan has any other surprises for him. We cut away before Sahjhan pulls out a kazoo and balloons drop from the ceiling as the demons all sing "Happy birthday to you!"

Cut to Darla's tummy. Yikes. Angel asks the vamp leader what he wants. The leader says he wants to protect the child. Angel is relieved, until the mysterious ninja crashes through an observation window and lands among them. The ninja lands, sword in hand, and looks around; before he can explain that he's just looking for the Thorn of Oblivion, he's tackled by a dozen vamps. Heh. We hear a scream and some thumps, and then we see the lead vamp get up from drinking the ninja's blood. Lilah's going to be so vexed. The lead vamp explains, "As it has been prophesied by our great potentate, Uthar, we vow our lives to protect this special child." Angel mutters to Darla, "Hear that? Our kid! Special!" I'm sure we're all making our own jokes about how the kid will be just as "special" as his father. And credit to Boreanaz, who hits "special!" in a way that makes me giggle. The lead vamp goes on to declare that his horde will kill the humans and use their blood to feed Darla and the baby. Darla joyfully exclaims, "Guess I'm gettin' dinner after all!"

Gavin is showing a military commando-type guy blueprints of the Hyperion. As Linwood wanders over, the commando says that he's sure they can "retrieve the target," but he's less confident about the "extraction of the target's cargo." For Linwood's benefit, Gavin translates, "Getting the baby from Darla." Linwood says he has an expert for that, whereupon the heavily-accented Dr. Fetvanovich hobbles in. He's wearing a long leather coat that sweeps the floor, which is the set-up for a very stupid joke later. Lilah says that the doctor is a specialist in "paranormal obstetrics." Maybe he teaches the class Wesley took. Fetvanovich expresses excitement at the prospect of dissecting Darla and the baby. He knows Darla's a vampire, so it seems as though he ought to realize that dissecting her will be a problem. Unless he means he'll sift through her ashes very carefully.

Angel is urging Darla to help battle the vamps. Darla asks the lead vamps, "You did say you were just going to kill the humans, right?" The lead vamp confirms that, adding, "Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt, and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child." Darla takes that in, hops off the table, and declares, "Okay, I'm in!" These vampire cultists aren't skilled at strategy. Maybe they should have told Darla that after killing everyone else. Angel, Darla, and the MoG begins backing toward the door, and the vampires helpfully allow them time to discuss battle plans. Because the vampires are extraordinarily dumb. Fred asks Gunn for a spare dagger. As Angel loudly starts to give the "everybody fight" signal, Fred interrupts by grabbing Darla and pointing the dagger at her stomach. She threatens to "slice the miracle kid into triplets" unless the vampires back off. The vampires freeze, and Fred whispers to Darla, "They don't know that the knife can't hurt the baby." Darla tells Fred, "They do now! Vampires have great hearing." Fred is dumb enough to join the vampire cult. Not for being unaware of vampire hearing, but for thinking it was necessary to clue Darla in on the plan. It's not like Darla was struggling to get away. I wanted to like Fred, but I officially give up. The vampires attack, and the fight scene is fairly incoherent. Vampires stand in the gallery watching, like they don't want to run the risk of outnumbering their opponents. One leaps down, and there's a ridiculous slow-mo shot of Wesley moving toward it with a stake. Not staking it -- just gesturing near it. For quite a while, there's nothing between the MoG and the doors, but they keep on fighting pointlessly until Wesley gives the order to clear out. On his way out the door, Angel realizes that we haven't seen a single dusting yet, so he breaks off a mop handle and stakes the lead vamp.

Battle-vert. There's one really amusing shot that makes it look as though Wesley is levitating a stake with the power of his teeny-tiny mind. We cut to the deserted Hyperion -- deserted except for the commandos that are rappelling down into the lobby and storming through the doors, of course. I don't know why they need to rappel in; maybe they had the gear and they've been dying for a chance to use it. Fetvanovich enters, and his flunkies carry in two large matching cages for Darla and the baby. Well, that's thoughtful. The music is very ominous, which is odd, because from what I've seen, the viewers aren't going to be terribly sad if Darla and the baby die horribly. I'm interested in all the factions who are after the baby, and their various motives, but I'm not biting my nails hoping the kid will have a long, healthy life, y'know?

City-vert. This episode is vert-tastic! The Angelmobile is tooling along down the street. Darla's in the back seat, between Wesley and Gunn, and I'm pleased to see that Wesley is holding a stake at the ready in case Darla acts up. Darla is oddly quiet, and Angel asks, "It's the kid, isn't it? Seeing him on the monitor." Darla insists, "I'm just disappointed [that] the vamp cult didn't kill all of you." Let's all pretend that we don't notice the tear on her cheek, because ugh. I don't want a sentimental Darla. Maybe her vamp-hormones are acting up. She asks where they're going now, adding, "I'm famished, and we all know how ugly that can get." Angel wants to go somewhere safe. Well, that's a good idea. Gunn gets as far as, "How about if we go to --" before Angel nixes Vegas. Heh. Aw, Gunn, I'll take you to Vegas. Wesley says that they need to know why everyone is so interested in the baby, so they need to retrieve the scrolls from the Hyperion.

A commando checks out the Hyperion's courtyard, but doesn't notice Holtz lurking in the shadows. Holtz then whacks him with a sword.

Inside, Fetvanovich is laying out a selection of instruments from the Dead Ringers collection. Commandos are stationed everywhere. Suddenly there's a noise, and they turn to watch as Holtz enters, looking smug. Fetvanovich asks the commandos, "Is this man with you?" Holtz asks, "Where's Angelus?"

Linwood, Lilah, and Gavin watch on the monitors and try to figure out who Holtz is. We can hear the commandos shouting at Holtz, and then we hear static. Lilah notes that Holtz referred to Angel as "Angelus." The tech guy fiddles with gadgetry, and we hear the commandos and Holtz still talking. Linwood picks up a walkie-talkie and tells the commandos to get rid of Holtz. On the monitor, we see two commandos move toward Holtz as he raises his sword, and then there's more static. What cruddy cameras. I guess the Wolfram & Hart supply department was taken in by those damned pop-up ads. Tech guy tries to get a picture again, and we hear clangs and yells and one dramatic scream. Linwood tries the walkie-talkie again, and gets no response. Oh, the suspense -- the suspense of wondering whether the writers really expect us to think it's remotely possible that, after all that build-up, Holtz is now dead.

The Angelmobile pulls into an alley and stops. Angel explains that he'll go the rest of the way on foot while they wait where they are. He gives the obligatory "If I'm not back in five minutes, leave without me" instruction. Cordy asks where they should go, and Angel suggests "somewhere safe" again. That's helpful. Darla calls Angel's name, but then tells him to leave. At least she didn't tell him, "Be careful." They were doing okay and suddenly we get this scene o' clichs. Angel backs up and hops onto the car's hood, then up to a fire escape, and climbs on up. Nifty.

Moments later, Angel is running down a corridor at the Hyperion. He races to the atrium and leaps down to the lobby's floor, then stops. He is, of course, surrounded by smashed equipment and dead commandos. Perhaps foolishly, I assumed that the demon minions helped Holtz take care of all the commandos, and that the point of the camera outage was to ensure that Wolfram & Hart didn't know that Holtz has help. Because if Holtz did all of this himself, he's got some new superpowers, and that's lame. I'm taking a whole lot on faith in this episode, I know. It's not a good thing; it's just how I manage to cope. Angel wanders over the Fetvanovich's body, and the camera pans down, then abruptly jumps away to Angel, then jumps back to a reversed shot revealing that Fetvanovich had chicken feet. Which isn't all that funny to begin with, even if you know about Boreanaz's chicken phobia, but it was particularly awful because of the inexcusably bad editing. Or maybe the directing. Or possibly both. We're mercifully distracted when Holtz says, "Angelus." Angel turns and sees Holtz, who is unharmed except for a small cut on his forehead. Holtz explains, "I've been looking for you."

Darla and the MoG wait in the alley. Cordy starts the car and says they've been waiting for more than five minutes. Fred suggests that they wait another minute: "What's the worst thing that could happen?" So of course, that's when Darla goes into labor. This alley must lead right to the Warner Brothers back lot or something, and so it's filled with the spirit of thousands of hackneyed situations and clichd dialogue, which seep into the minds of anyone nearby. Wesley announces that Darla's water has broken, and I wonder if Angel's going to be so delighted by fatherhood that he won't mind having Darla give birth in his car.

week: the time has come. Darla asks Angel whether he'll "protect it." That doesn't sound good. Lightning flashes, rain pours down, and Holtz holds a crossbow on Angel, who's cradling the baby. Or at least, a baby. Then anvils crash down onto them all. Oh boy. Get the hell out of that alley! It's a bad, bad place!