Props to AndrewD and georgevna.
Previously on Angel, lots of things happened, most of which made very little sense. Eventually the plot holes were so gigantic that the characters and the story fell through them into another world. As for the story's entertainment value so far, let's just say, "Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end?" Let's find out.
We begin right where we left off, with Angel, Gunn, Wesley, and their captors staring up at Cordelia's spangles. Everyone gasps. Well, everyone with a speaking role gasps. Angel says, "You're...safe." Cordy nonchalantly explains, "They made me ruler." Wesley asks Cordy to order their release. The demon-at-arms, in turn, asks, "Shall we gut the cows now, that you might dine on their ignoble flesh, oh Most High?" Cordelia even has Princess Ardala's old eye shadow, unfortunately for her. Cordy nixes the demon-at-arms' suggestion, but suggests that her pals might want to take this opportunity for "some extended groveling." Angel isn't amused. Cordelia sighs and dramatically says, "Off with their heads!" The guards pull out their swords, the boys make scared faces, and then Cordy giggles, "Kidding!" The plinky-plink of wackiness takes us to the credits.
The horn section in my head plays "The Stripper" as Cordelia descends from her throne. Kane...er, the demon-at-arms advises her against freeing the "dangerous criminals." Cordy asks if she's going to have to use her "important voice," and finally shouts, "Leave us!" at the guards. Her important voice sounds more like the voice of a peevish teenager. But that's essentially what she is, so that's all right. The guards exit, along with the slavish attendants. Attentive slaves. Whichever. The boys turn to look at Cordy, who giggles and stretches out her arms; they race past her and help themselves to the platters of food. Angel stays behind, figuring there aren't any bags of blood in the buffet. He asks Cordy what happened, and she explains, "They jabbed me with hot pokers for a while and then made me a princess." Wesley says that it doesn't make sense to treat humans as slaves and then make a human the ruler. Cary gets an "Ah ha!" expression and asks, "You had a vision, didn't ya puddin'?" Cordy admits that she did, and then Cary starts to explain that there's a prophecy involved. Angel interrupts, "A prophecy. Great. 'Cause those always go well." That's an odd thing for Mr. Shanshu to say. Cary lounges on the throne and expositions that Pylea has been ruled by a group of priests called the Covenant of the Trombli. The Trombli "teach of a coming messiah, the Cursed One. A being with the Pure Sight who will one day claim the throne and restore the monarchy." And he didn't think this was worth mentioning during the 24 hours that they spent killing time in the last episode? Gunn cracks up and asks, "She's the messiah?" Wesley says that as long as the Trombli think Cordy's a messiah, the MoG might be able to stay alive long enough to get home. Cordy asks how the boys got to Pylea, and Gunn explains that they used the same book. Wesley adds, "But we seem to have misplaced it." Cordy asks, "The portal or the book?" and Gunn admits, "Both." What did I say about marking the spot where you came in, guys? Cordy takes this show of incompetence calmly, and mentions that "those Trombonal guys" have some books of their own. And the reason she thinks that the Trombli's books might also contain portal-opening magic spells is... =nope. No reason. Oh, unless they figure that someone must have sent the Drokken that started this mess. I really hope that gets explained at some point. Wesley says he has to see the Tromblibrary, causing Cordy to sniff, "In kind of a hurry to get back to the Cordelia's-not-a-princess-dimension, aren't ya?" Gunn says that even if they find the right book, they still need to find a "hot spot," since they were so very stupid and didn't mark the spot where they arrived. I'm sure I'll overcome my bitterness about this eventually. Wesley starts to ask Angel a question, and then turns as they all notice that Angel is staring at his reflection in a mirror. Cordy gasps, and they all rush over.
Angel fusses with his hair in the foreground, while behind him Wesley and Gunn explain to Cordy that, in Pylea, Angel can cast a reflection and walk in the sun. Angel continues trying to flatten his hair as he nervously asks, "This is because of going through the portal, right?" Cordy assures him, "No, it always looks like that." Angel finally turns toward them as Wesley suggests that Angel and Cary look for "portal activity" while the rest of them look for a magic book. Angel shakes his head and says, "I don't get it." Wesley tries to explain again, but Angel turns back to the mirror and clarifies, "No, I mean why didn't anybody tell me about this?" He sounds truly sad, as he goes back to fussing with his hair. Cordy lies, "You look good," and walks off, while Angel wonders, "You're not just saying that?" Wesley pulls Angel away from the mirror and shoves him toward the door, suggesting that they try asking Cary's cousin Landok for information. While Wesley gives his instructions, Angel continues trying to see his reflection over Wesley's shoulder. Hee. Cary whines about having to talk to his family, and Wesley points out that it's either that or never getting back to earth. Cary sighs dramatically and tells Angel, "Come on, gorgeous. You can stare at yourself in my grandmother's glass eye." Johanna reports that this is her second favorite line ever on Angel. Number one is still Gunn's "Three-fifths of the world covered in water, the rest covered in me!" Cary reminds Angel to call him "Lorne," since in his world, "a host is just one more thing to lay your eggs in." Angel asks if they can stop to get his coat, providing some helpful continuity since he has it in later scenes. As they leave, Wesley asks if Cordy can get them access to the Tromblibrary, and she smiles, "Am I not the princess?"
Elsewhere, the Trombli are complaining about letting a "cow" wear the crown. Enik insists, "She is our sovereign, now. And no harm must come to her. At least, not until after the Com-shuk." Enik adds that if Cordy survives the dreaded Com-shuk, then they'll see about decapitating her. Gee, the Trombli are up to no good or something. Who'd have guessed?
Angel and Cary, having hitched a ride in a wagon, arrive at Cary's old homestead. Among the trees a group of demons are engaging in backyard wrestling. Cary nervously calls to them, "Guess who's back?" A big gray-haired, bearded demon looks up in wonder and starts toward them, saying, "I have often prayed that I might look again on your face." The demon then spits in Cary's face, and goes on about Cary shaming his clan. Cary wipes away the spittle and grumbles, "Thanks, Mom." Over his shoulder, we see Angel look up suddenly and inaudibly say, "Mom?" There's a lot of "over so-and-so's shoulder" stuff happening in this episode, by the way. Which I like, because the jokes are better when they're not shoved in my face. Mom goes on complaining, and concludes, "Your father was right: we ate the wrong son." Over her shoulder, a red-haired demon is awaiting his cue. Cary tries to get to the point, and asks if she noticed any unusual phenomena when he vanished five years ago. Mom assures Cary, "We noticed feasting and celebration! Your brother Numfar did the Dance of Joy for three moons! Numfar, do the Dance of Joy!" The red-haired demon begins imitating Lord of the Dance in the background. Joss Whedon, ladies and gents. Angel wanders behind Cary, probably so that he doesn't crack up and ruin the scene. Cary tries describing the appearance of the Transdimensional Collapsatron...I mean, "portal" to Mom, then turns and tells Angel, "Ya know how I said there was no music in my world? Wish I could say the same about the dancing." Mom finally shouts, "No longer do the Dance of Joy, Numfar!" Joss takes a break, and contemplates new and exciting ways to make me loathe the word "franchise." Cary concludes that Mom's not gonna help them find a hot spot. Landok wanders into the background as Mom snaps, "Now take your cow and get off my lawn!" Landok shouts, "That is no cow!" and shoves Cary out of the way as he greets Angel. Landok introduces Angel to Mom as "Angel, the brave and noble Drokken killer!" Angel squirms and pretends to feel uncomfortable as Landok sings his praises. Cary's jaw drops as Mom says, "Then he shall be welcome in our home, and we will do him honor! Numfar, do the Dance of Honor!" More goofy dancing. Cary tries to calm things down, but it's too late: more demons are rushing up and taking Angel's coat away. Landok insists that Angel receive "raiments [sic] befitting a warrior." As more demons drape a big animal-hide cape with studded epaulets over his shoulders, Angel calls after the ones who took his coat: "Uh, no wire hanger, 'cause that's leather!" A beaded necklace is thrown over his head as Angel protests, but when they drag out a mirror he's captivated once again. Landok says that Angel will be the guest of honor at the village feast while Whedon imitates a chipmunk in the background. Cary looks around in disbelief as Angel is escorted to the house.
The giant castle looms over the only town in Pylea. Inside, Gunn and Cordy are trying to help Wesley look through the Tromblibrary. Wesley complains that entire passages seem to be missing from the book he's looking at. Then he notices that the book Cordy's holding has an embossed hart on the cover. Wham! I should open a smithy with all the anvils I've collected lately. Cordy blinks at him, showing off her sparkly eyeliner, and says, "It's not a heart; it's Bambi." Gunn tosses his book down and says that all of the books have animals on the covers, and says that they're "probably just a bunch of demon bedtime stories." Wesley looks at the three books in front of him and realizes that "no one of these volumes is complete without the other two. It's really one book broken up into three pieces." Sure is lucky that they happened to grab all three parts in their first attempt. Wesley says it'll take him a while to look through the books for hints on getting home, but he has seen references to the Cursed One. And something about a Com-shuk. Cordy asks if that's something she's supposed to do, and Wesley adds, "With a...'Groosalugg?'" Gunn comments, "Sounds dirty if you ask me." Gunn suggests that, since Cordy is the princess, she can make the Trombli tell her what the books say. Meanwhile, Wesley closes his books and notices the animals on their covers. He shuffles them around until the order goes: wolf, ram, hart. Get it? They stare down at the books as Wesley says, "I'm not sure the priests can be trusted." Color me shocked.
Cary sips a drink while, in the town square, Angel regales the demon kids with a story. He concludes dramatically, "Whack! I chopped off the evil lawyerbeast's hand, and he screamed and he screamed, and then I left." I start clapping in delight a moment before the kids do, because that's the best story ever. Cary jerks his chin in invitation, and Angel swaggers over. Cary notes that Angel is gobbling up the hero-worship with a spoon, adding, "They see you a certain way, you start to see yourself that way. You become that image. I get it. I do. Because I know how they see me. Can we go?" Before Angel can answer, Landok arrives to tell Angel, "You must tell again the tale of the sorcerer who could remove his limbs and re-assemble at will!" Cary drips sarcasm as he comments, "Right, right. 'Cause that's a good one." Cary, stop stepping on my lines. As Landok starts to escort Angel back to the crowd, some new demons join the crowd and Landok says, "It is time for the Bach-nal. Angel, you shall swing the crebbil!" Anybody else out there think that Landok said "bacchanal," and get very, very frightened for a minute? Angel agrees, and as he and Landok walk away, Cary makes concerned noises.
One phrase I never expected to write in an Angel recap is, "Meanwhile, back at the castle..." Other examples include, "Emmy Award winner David Boreanaz..." and "Johanna wants to sell her monkey." Nevertheless, meanwhile, back at the castle, Cordy is marching into the throne room while arguing with Wesley. She asks, "You want me to go back where we'd be slaves? Sorry, not seeing the upside to that." Wesley insists that the Trombli are up to no good. Cordy wants to continue performing her royal duties, like finding new and terrible things to do with sequins. They continue bickering as Enik and two other priests enter and ask Cordy if everything's all right. Gunn asks Enik for "the 411 on this Groosalugg." Stop the slang. It never sounds right, and is especially insane when Gunn's smart enough to understand that he's talking to the residents of another dimension. Even if they do speak English for some reason. Enik, startled, asks if Cordy has had a vision. Wesley smirks with self-satisfaction and imitates Tommy Flanagan, saying as unconvincingly as possible, "Yes, she has had a vision. So you may as well be candid with her, or she'll know." Enik reluctantly reports that "the Groosalugg has been summoned from the Scum Pits of Ur." Ur? Is that located anywhere near Mu and Waka-Waka? Enik says that the Groosalugg will arrive before nightfall, and that everyone's anxious for Cordy to Com-Shuk with it. Cordy tells Enik that Gunn and Wesley don't even know what the Com-Shuk is, and orders Enik to explain. Enik says that it's a mating ritual, and Gunn mutters to Cordy, "I told ya it was dirty." Cordy pretends to be delighted at this news, adding, "It's been a long time since I've had a good...Com-Shuk." Poor Cordelia. Always a demon's bride, never a demon's bridesmaid. Or something like that. Cordy heads for the door, explaining that she needs to buy a gift for the Groosalugg, and they're always hard to shop for. The other priests block the door as Enik explains that Cordy has to stay put, since there are rebels to worry about. He adds that the Palace Guard has been doubled. Cordy reluctantly returns to the throne and tells Enik to let her know when the Groosalugg arrives, then dismisses the priests. The Trombli withdraw, and Cordy tells the others, "Let's get the hell out of here."
Cary looks nervous as the rest of his family chants, "Swing the crebbil!" and Angel is carried toward the platform in the town square. Fred is also being carried around by demons, although she doesn't seem to be enjoying it as much as Angel is. Angel is placed on the platform and handed an axe. Landok tells him, "Strike quickly and true, Angel. Then we can eat." Angel looks down to see Fred kneeling over a chopping block. Angel looks puzzled, so luckily there's a commercial break to give him time to figure this out. When we return, Mom's bored enough to clear things up by shouting, "Sever the cow's head from its body!" Fred begs Angel to make it quick. Angel rather sadly pulls off his cape and necklace and whines, "You want me to kill her?" Landok asks, "Will you not swing the crebbil?" Angel grabs Fred and takes a defensive posture with the axe, saying, "Only if you force me to." The crowd isn't pleased, and Angel tells Fred, "We're gonna back up, nice and slow, and these good folks are...probably gonna kill us!" Landok rushes the stage and pulls the axe away before Angel can push him back, and then two more demons hurry up. I suddenly notice that one of the demons seems to be holding a wooden television antenna. And I thought it sucked to make do with basic cable. From the middle of the mob, Cary shouts, "Stop!" Everyone does for a second, and then Cary continues by singing, "In the naaaame of love!" The other demons cover their ears and squeal in distress and Cary continues to sing a cappella. I totally called this last week! In the sense of thinking it should happen, but not really believing it would. So, hooray! Angel picks up Fred and hurries away while Cary sings. Mom wails, "It burns! It burns!" and falls to the ground. Hee! Angel, having untied Fred, hops onto a horse. Fred swings up behind him as a soldier's chariot approaches. Cary sees the chariot coming up, and a soldier leaning out with a weapon I can't identify. The chariot rolls past to the platform, and Cary manages to say, "Shii--" before he's knocked down by the soldier. Which is odd, since a moment ago there were a dozen villagers collapsed all around the platform. Yet this didn't prevent the chariot from getting within an arm's length of Cary. Clearly, the lack of cable television is balanced out by tremendous gains in independent suspension technology.
Gunn, Wesley, and Cordy sneak through the castle halls. Cordy's arms are full of jewels and crowns and other sparkly things. As Gunn and Wesley find a trapdoor and begin to pry it open, Cordy gets a little monologue to establish that she, like the audience, is getting a bit tired of demon-impregnation as a plot device. She asks, "What is it about me, anyway? Do I put out some kind of 'Com-Shuk-me' vibe?" The trap door finally opens to reveal swirling brackish goo under the floor. Wesley says that the sewage system will take them outside the castle. I thought castles were required to have secret passages and stuff. Or am I getting my gothic castles confused with my fairy-tale castles? Cordy whines, "Why can't we use the front door?" Gunn snaps, "Do you really think you'd be able to get your booty out the front door?" Cordy looks hurt until Gunn explains that he's referring to her armload of treasure. Heh. Gunn climbs into the sewer, groaning in disgust. Wesley kneels to help Cordy down, but she makes a face and says, "You first," and she's just adorable. It's really wrong that Cordelia's princess outfit seems less freakish than her normal clothes, isn't it? Speaking of odd wardrobe decisions, Wesley tosses his sweater over his shoulder and descends into the sewer. If, for some reason, I had to descend into a demonic sewer, I'd want as many layers of clothing between me and the muck as possible. One of Cordy's treasures drops onto the floor, and she hobbles over to pick it up without dropping more. She kneels down, and then looks up at Enik, who's entered with some guards. Enik says, "Someone must speak to the servants about leaving that door open." Cordy makes a face and agrees that "it's kinda whiffy in here." She explains her armful of loot by saying that she planning to get it appraised. Enik says that the Groosalugg is approaching. Cordy's face goes blank as she says, "Oh, good."
Outside, Wesley climbs out of the sewer, and we discover that he was using the sweater to cover his mouth and nose. Oh, okay, that makes sense. I take it back. Wesley tells Gunn that Cordy didn't make it out with them, and suggests that they look for Angel.
Angel and Fred ride up into the hills. I'm betting that Angel feels okay about trading his demonic fan club in for a human damsel in distress. On the other hand, he's probably upset about leaving his coat back at Mom's. I wonder if Angel will insist on rescuing his jacket before they leave Pylea. That would be amusing, unless it means that they'll still be in Pylea season, because I've had about enough of this. Angel and Fred dismount as Angel says, "I don't think we've been followed. We should probably stay on foot, in case they try to track us down." Angel practically has to shove the horse out of the frame, which entertains me. However, I'm not entertained enough to ignore that Angel's still a victim of Pylean story logic. It's better to remain on foot, rather than keep the horse, in case anyone tries to follow them. Er, because they'll be faster on foot? I suppose it might be marginally easier to follow a horse's tracks, but you'd think that in his travels with Darla, Angel would've learned how to throw off a posse. Fine, whatever. Fred stares at Angel with wonder as he asks if she's okay. She presses a hand to her head and says, "Handsome man. Saved me from the monsters." Repeat after me: Fred's crazy. Angel looks as confused as the rest of us are, and Fred suddenly looks scared and says, "Baaaah," before running away. I think that's meant to be, "Bye." Or else she's doing a sheep impression. Angel waits a second before hurrying after her.
Flutes and guitars do a generic fairy-tale riff as Angel follows Fred to a cave in the woods. Inside, Fred grabs her cat's-eye glasses and a lump of chalk. Angel looks around at the walls, which are covered in mysterious notes, and says, "Hey. Great place." He even sounds sincere, but then he's probably seen a lot of gloomy caves in his time. As Angel insists that Fred doesn't have to be afraid of him, we see his reflection in a pool of water. The first time I saw this, it bugged me a lot, because it seemed overly artsy and the camera stayed there much too long and really, we got the bit about his reflection quite a while ago. In retrospect, it makes a bit more sense, but it's still too long and anvilly. Especially since we see it again a moment later, to better effect, as Angel tells Fred, "I would never --" and then spots the reflection and smiles down at it before concluding, "-- hurt you," in a satisfied tone of voice. Angel asks why Fred won't talk to him. Fred speechifies: "Because you're not real. Or I'm not real. Somebody here isn't real, and I suspect it's you. So if you're not real, then that means that my head came off back there and I'm dead now. Dead. And with me being dead and you being not-real I can hardly be expected to have some big conversation with you at the moment because it's just a little too much pressure, all right?" Angel agrees, and pokes around a bit, finding Fred's driver's license. Angel reads, "Winifred?" Fred hurries over and grabs the license away as Angel exclaims, "You're that girl from Cordy's vision!" Fred babbles about her dreams of another world, and Angel insists that earth is real, not a dream. She asks, "It's not? And my head's still on?" Angel pushes her glasses back up on her nose. Fred giggles, having lost all concept of personal space. After a moment, she backs away and whimpers that she doesn't want Angel to be real. Angel asks why, and she says, "Because you're nice, and you saved me, and bad things will happen to you here. Bad things always happen here." Angel assures her that it'll be okay, and that he and his friends will take her home. Fred says that there's no way to go back. Angel says the magic word "portal," and Fred starts babbling about "that other girl" who fell into Pylea. Angel figures it out, and says, "Oh, Cordy! She's fine. They made her a princess." Angel says this with a wonderfully matter-of-fact air. Fred stops and stares at him, puzzled. Finally she responds, "They...really? Oh. When I got here, they, they didn't do that." She hesitates for a minute, and I giggle and speak for Fred: "How nice for her." Then Fred says all Church-Lady, "Well, that's nice for her." Bwa!
Cordy worries that her new golden bikini might be a little daring for her first date with the Groosalugg. Enik announces that the Groosalugg has arrived. The doors open, and a big hairy horned beastie enters, lugging sacks of goodies. Cordy ain't happy. Then a muscle-bound Prince Charming strides in past the beastie, telling it, "Just put those anywhere." The Groosalugg turns out to be the long-lost brother of Ator. He marches up to Cordelia and kisses her hand. I guess he's attractive, in the most boring way possible. Which explains the strange Riley-vibe I'm getting from him.
Angel and Fred are up on the hillside again, headed for the castle. Suddenly, a soldier appears on horseback. Angel shoves Fred to the ground as the horseman gallops past, and someone starts stealing alternate frames from the camera in order to create a jerky quality that vexes me. Angel tells Fred, "You may see something that might frighten you, but I'm your friend, okay?" Angel hops to his feet as Fred moves to cower by a boulder. Another horseman has appeared. Angel looks at the second horseman and vamps out in a new and different way. He turns green, horns pop out all along his hairline and jaw, his ears get bigger, and something more unfortunate than usual happens to his hair. I recommend watching it frame-by-frame, 'cause it's fun. Fully transformed, Angel pulls one guard off a horse and starts digging in. He pulls the guard's leg off at the knee and tosses it away while the other guard gallops away in terror at the continuing inexplicable artsy camera-work. Quit it! Is this the Pylean version of blipverts? Angel suddenly pops his head up from his victim and turns to look at Fred, who moans, "Bad things always happen here." Angel advances on Fred with much snarling. Ooo, he's got long claws on his green fingers, too. The mask is nice and all, but it's kind of a shame that it seems to be totally immobile. Although that's not much of a change from Angel's human face. Angel leans in toward Fred, then suddenly whirls around and runs off.
Groosy the big lug is explaining to Cordelia that he's a deformed freak in this world, with his bulgy muscles and shiny teeth. He tells her that the Covenant decided he was part cow, and adds, "I was incapable even of performing husbandly duties with any of the females of my tribe," since he was, ahem, only "equipped" for sex with humans. He was cast out of the tribe, and decided to seek death. Cordy says, "Get out!" in wonder. Everyone takes her literally, of course, and heads for the door, so Cordy amends her order and says that Groosy should stay. Groosy tells her that entered contests and battled monsters, but alas, he won every battle, and so the Covenant named him "Groosalugg -- the brave and undefeated." Cordy's smitten. I'm kinda bored. The demon-at-arms enters to announce that there's a prisoner awaiting sentencing. Cary is gagged and bound behind him. Cordy doesn't even look up, telling the demon-at-arms to handle it. The demon-at-arms shouts, "Execute the prisoner!" That wakes Cordy up, and she sees Cary and rushes over, declaring that he's pardoned. She removes the gag and asks Cary if he's okay. Cary looks at Groosy and says, "Not as good as you, obviously. Should I call [the guards] back? You could borrow the cuffs." Ack. Cordy laughs and quickly hustles Cary out, closing the doors. Cary quickly asks where Wesley and Gunn are, and Cordy replies, "Oh, I'm sure they're fine."
Wesley and Gunn are lost, of course. Wesley says that he's following the sun, and that they're headed west, toward the village. Gunn asks, "Which one?" and Wesley, confused, says, "Which village?" See, he's confused because there's only one village in this entire dimension. For that matter, they can't possibly get too lost -- Pylea is only about a mile wide. Wesley distracts Gunn from his incompetence by suddenly insisting that they're being hunted. They stand back to back and look around. Then Angel leaps out onto a boulder and attacks them with a roar. Wesley starts to back away and trips over something. Angel heads toward Wesley, and Gunn starts throwing rocks and shouting to get his attention. As Angel turns, Wesley sees an extremely convenient rip in Angel's shirt, exposing the tattoo. Wesley shouts, "It's Angel!" Angel leaps on Gunn while Wesley helpfully shouts, "Angel, can you hear me?" Gunn's doomed. Thanks, Wesley.
Suddenly, the music gets mystical, and on a nearby hilltop, Fred pulls her hand out of a pouch and raises her fist, dripping with blood. Please don't ask me to explain why, upon seeing a mutilated corpse, Fred thought, "Hm, I might get thirsty later," filled it with blood, and followed Angel. I don't know. Angel hears the flutes and releases Gunn. There's what would be a lovely shot of Angel slowly walking toward Fred through the sun-dappled trees, except that Fred totally blends into the background so that I really didn't notice she was there until the close-up. I do have a small television, though. Anyway, Fred backs up, leading Angel away. Wesley helps Gunn up and notices some wounds on his shoulder. Gunn speaks for us all by asking, "What the hell just happened?" I almost feel sorry for Wesley when he's forced to say, "That strange, wild girl saved us from Angel." While georgevna made some excellent points about all the fairy-tale aspects of this episode, that doesn't make stilted dialogue any less jarring. While smearing mud into Gunn's wounds, Wesley theorizes that Angel "accessed his demon, but he can't find the balance he normally would in our world. His demon self has totally overcome his human side." Wow, good guess. Wesley helps Gunn up and says they have to help Angel. Luckily for Angel, they're immediately attacked again, this time by raggedy men swinging down from the trees. I was going to call them Merry Men, but they look pretty grim, actually. A bald Robin Hood eyes them as Gunn says, "Oh good. More fun."
Fred leads Angel back into her cave, which doesn't seem like a very good plan, but she is crazy and stuff. She cowers in the back and slowly drops the knapsack of blood. Angel lurks, and does a good job of skulking about creepily. Angel creeps toward her, and once again spies himself in the pool of water. This time he's less happy about it, attacking the image in the water before he figures out that it's his reflection. "My hair's even worse now!" he growls to himself. With a scraping sound, he de-vamps and stumbles away from the water. Immediately, he falls down on the ground and starts twitching in that way that he does whenever he feels a strong emotion. It doesn't matter if he's happy, sad, or scared -- he falls down and twitches. Johanna thinks that the MoG must get really tired of this reaction. "He collapsed and started twitching again!" "What did you do?" "We were just watching Old Yeller…" Fred walks over to twitchy Angel and almost strokes his head before realizing that her hand is still covered in blood, and who knows how that will interact with his hair gel. Twitch, shudder, gasp. Maybe he's suffering an epileptic fit as a result of blipvert withdrawal.
Night falls, and the plot, which had been galloping along at a decent pace, suddenly stops dead for Cordy's character growth. Ow, my neck. Groosy finally finishes telling Cordelia the story of his life. I'm starting to wonder if he won all those battles by talking his opponents to death. Cordelia sighs and admits that she's not really a princess. She tells him that, back home, she was an actress, and complains about the "tiny, skimpy, exploitative" outfit she had to wear for her commercial. She suddenly looks down at herself and uses her powers of denial to insist, "Nothing like this." Groosy says that Cordy is a princess because she's pretty and merciful and blah blah blah ego-cakes. Cordy sighs, "It's a beautiful dream. Really, it is. But it's not real." Groosy says, "Why not?"
In the Tromblibrary, Enik says that Cordy has asked for parchment in order to make proclamations. The Trombli don't like the sound of this. Another priest asks, "Then the Com-shuk has not yet taken place." Enik declares that it's time to send Cordy a message.
At the rebel camp, Will Scarlet tells Robin that they could send a message by storming the castle. Robin notes that his troop would be killed within minutes if they did so. Will Scarlet admits, "Yeah, but it'd be a message." From the pole where he's tied up with Gunn, Wesley starts calling out to Robin, claiming that he can help them. Gunn tries to get Wesley to shut up. Will calls Wesley "Reconnaissance cow scum." Heh. Reconnaissance cow. Makes me think of Top Secret. Heh. Wesley proudly declares that he and Gunn are friends with the princess, and tells Robin to pull out Wesley's wallet and look at the photo inside. Robin looks and finds a photo of Angel, Cordelia, and Wesley. Wesley goes on to say, "If your organization would just draw up some sort of list of demands, we'll be more than happy to present it directly to Her Majesty!" Robin agrees, and gives orders that someone write up a list of demands and then "shove the list in their mouths, put their severed heads on sticks, and display them outside the princess' window. If it were only Wesley, I'd be fine with that. Gunn tells Wesley, "Have I mentioned just how glad I am [that] I decided to leave my people behind in LA so I could come here to die?"
Fred fills a pot with water and carries it over to Mr. Twitch. Angel's progressed to just the occasional spasm. And no wonder; I'm sure shaking like that for hours would be tiring. Fred dabs a wet rag on the back of his neck, which doesn't seem like it would be particularly soothing. It would probably be better to pour the water on him, since he normally tries to run out into the rain when he's feeling twitchy. I assume that improves the recovery time somehow. Fred tells him, "You don't have to talk. I'm used to it." Angel whispers, "They saw it. They looked right at it." Fred asks what they saw, and Angel sniffles, "The monster. They saw what I really am. I can't go back now. Not now. I can never go back." Fred looks around at her cave and suggests, "You could stay here."
In the throne room, Cordy and Groosy are lying on the floor, writing proclamations. Nothing sets the mood like royal fiat. Cordy says, "This one will free the slaves and outlaw polyester. I know it hasn't actually been invented here yet, but I'm a forward-thinking monarch." Enik and another priest enter with a table and covered platter. Enik tells Groosy, "Get out, cow." Groosy heads for the door. Cordy protests, but Enik doesn't care. Cordy starts getting her attitude on, and tells Enik that she's made proclamations. Enik grabs her and growls, "Foolish girl." He goes on, "The Powers have seen fit to place their gift in you. But let us be clear: you have no authority here." He says that she and Groosy are tools of the Covenant, and will do whatever they're ordered to do. "If we tell you to mate, than you shall mate." Cordy tries to interrupt, and Enik shouts, "And if we say 'silence,' you shut your cow mouth!" Cordy folds her arms and gets all Dirty Harry as she says, "Pardon me?" Enik replies, "Don't you feel you've done enough pardoning for one day?" Enik lifts the lid off the platter and reveals Cary's severed head.
week, the season finale. Cordy has more Trombli-trouble, and Angel engages in beastly behavior and then says, "I'm not an animal," which cracks me up.