Previously on Angel, Lindsey became -- oh, come on. There's one burning topic on everyone's minds, and it ain't Darla. So instead of bothering with the recap this week, I've decided to write a 10,000-word essay titled, "Why Spike is my boyfriend." Ready?
Let's start with his coat. I believe that --
[Some time later, a visit from the MBTV attack lawyers results in the deletion of the remaining 9,992 words, along with the repeated use of terms like "breach of contract," "pathetic schoolgirl crush," and "mandated psychological treatment."]
Um. Sorry. So let's get right to the show! And not talk about Spike unless it's actually relevant! Or they'll have to increase my medication! Okay? Great! Previously on Angel, Darla returned, Lindsey implied that Wolfram & Hart had a plan to deal with Angel, Angelus sired Drusilla, and Angel was cursed with a soul. It didn't happen in that order, of course.
Angel is sitting in his room, sketching. We see he's adding the final touches to a portrait of Darla. Perhaps for the upcoming Angel coloring book, just in time for Christmas. My goodness, he has GIGANTIC fingers. I can't decide if it's just the camera angle or not, but I don't think it is. I mean, they're so large, they're actually in proportion to his head. That's just freakish. Wesley appears in the doorway behind Angel. Get this: Wesley's wearing a pale pink shirt, brown pants, and a burgundy and gold striped tie. All of which appear to be several sizes too large for him. Johanna says that he looks like a little kid dressing up in his father's clothes. Without turning around, Angel asks what Wesley wants. Wesley says he's just "popping 'round to see if everything's all right." Angel says it is. Wesley steps into the room and asks if there's anything Angel wants to talk about. There isn't. As Wesley walks further into the apartment, he treads on the crumpled papers littering the floor. Wesley assumes (as do we) that all of these papers are more drawings of Darla, because Angel is Captain Obsession. I suspect that actually many of them are sketches of unicorns and rainbows and fairy princesses. Because Angel is also a big poofter.
Fade up on Darla, curled up in a chair with cuts on her hands. Lindsey enters, fresh from a visit with Dawson's barber. It seems Darla's done some redecorating, if by that you mean she's smashed everything that seems smashable. Lindsey probably feels just like he's walking on broken glass. 'Cause he is. Lindsey goes over to Darla and notes her injuries. "Something happened?" he asks. Darla replies, "Oh, God, yes. So many things. I remember them all. Which one were you thinking of?" She's being a tad literal. Lindsey says that they should have waited before sending Darla to see Angel. Darla dreamily responds, "You never talk about yourself, Lindsey. Got a girlfriend? Boyfriend? Someone special?" Lindsey says, "There's no one." Apparently, Darla affected interest in Lindsey so that she could whine some more, since her response is, "You can be with someone for 150 years, think you know 'em, still, it doesn't work out." She tells Lindsey that he should have seen her and Angelus together. Lindsey says, "He was a different person then." "And so was I," replies Darla, all little-girl-lost. She asks if Lindsey knows what they've become. "Enemies," Lindsey guesses. Darla says, "Oh no, much worse. Now we're soulmates." And she giggles.
During the credits, Johanna and I discuss how Darla and Angel are soulmates in the same way that Joey and Dawson are soulmates. Then we realize that if you compare things like hairstyles and backbone-deficits, the comparison works really well. Then we realize that Lindsey has bad hair and no spine, which I guess makes him his own soulmate. Then the show starts again.
Virginia Colony, 1609. For some reason, they've elected to left-justify the date/location captioning over to the left on Angel. Which is fine as a little bit of style to distinguish this from Buffy, but since they used to put captions in the center it's a little jarring to change things now. We pan up to Darla, looking pale, wan, and well, syphilitic. Or something. A doctor is removing leeches. The whole thing is straight out of Dangerous Liaisons. And if I hadn't thought that before, I certainly would when Darla moans, "Someone close the shutters." Oh, why doesn't she realize that Valmont loves her? It's all so sad. Darla mutters about how wrong it is to die while the sun is so bright. A robed priest appears in the doorway and says, "You'll not see it again." Ah, her master's voice. Darla complains that she didn't ask for a priest, the priest says she called out for him. We establish that Darla is a fairly successful whore, like we didn't know that already. The priest says, "You should have asked for a priest long ago, child. Your life may have been the better for it." Darla gets a decent line as she replies, "You should have paid me a visit before today, Father. Your life may have been more interesting because of it." He asks whether she'll ask God for forgiveness, and Darla says that God never did anything for her. The priest asks everyone else to leave, noting, "You can't save her life. Perhaps I can still save her soul." As everyone exits, Darla says that her soul is past saving: "Let the devil take me if he'll have me. Either way, I die." The priest finally pushes back his hood, revealing himself to be that batty old nemesis, the Master. He tells Darla that she won't die, but will instead be reborn. Darla asks whether he is Death. The Master says, "I am your savior. God never did anything for you, but I will." And so Darla is sired, with much blipverting of: happy long-haired Angel in a suit, burning Gypsy caravans, and shots from "Dear Boy." Anybody who wants to figure out why the Master felt like making the super-fun Atlantic crossing, feel free. Did he invent the concept of cruising for babes? You tell me.
Angel still wants to rescue Darla. No one else does. Cordelia asks, "And this would be the same woman that you didn't notice was in your bedroom every night for, like, three weeks straight." Angel says that was different. Cordy replies, "Different in the 'sitting right on top of you' sense, yeah." Wesley has put an olive sweater over a red-and-white checked shirt. Why? He notes that Darla wanted to be found last time; now it may be hard to track her down. Cordy adds, "She could be sitting on top of anybody." Tee hee. Gunn lurks in the background, wondering if he really had to show up this week. Doesn't he have Found Boys to lead? Camps to run? Sheesh. Angel insists that since they run a detective agency, finding Darla should be easy, but Cordy points out that they actually run a lousy detective agency, making things more difficult. She says, "Unless there's a website called www.OhByTheWayWeHaveDarlaStashedHere.com, we're pretty much out of luck." Then she suggests that Angel could sniff Darla out if they drove around the city with the top down. No one is enthused about this idea. Gunn, desperate to wind this scene up, notes that a firm like Wolfram & Hart would probably find a way to write off Darla's housing expenses. Darla and Wesley rush to their cache of implausible research devices, and Angel calls after them, "She'd want something with a view." More quietly, he adds, "Darla always loved something with a view." Can anyone else sense a thematic refrain coming on?
London, underground, 1760. And I don't mean the subway. Darla takes Angelus to meet the folks. Or, uh, folk. Or, uh, the Master. Darla catches the Master up on her misadventures with Angelus: "On the way back we cut a bloody swath through South Wales and Northern England." Angelus sucks up (so to speak) by quipping, "Yorkshiremen -- tough as leather." They explain that the Master is head of the Order of Aurelius. Angelus, unimpressed, notes, "And you live in the sewers, do ya?" The Master says he prefers to call it lurking, and that one day they will "arise and lay waste to the world above." Angelus suggests that it's actually rather nice above ground, especially in comparison to the "rat-infested stink-hole" where the Master lives. He says he has to have a proper bed, and then goes on about how Darla needs to have a view. Darla is probably thinking, "Why can't my boyfriends ever get along with my dad?" The Master says, "We stalk the surface to feed and grow our ranks; we do not live among the human pestilence." "Grow our ranks"? Ugh. Kill him. Oh, right, someone will. Good job, too. Angel snarks, "You really couldn't with that face, now could ya?" Angelus makes himself at home in the Master's throne while Darla huffs, "The Master has grown past the curse of human features!" Angelus worries that he'll end up getting a "bat nose" like the Master's. The Master says that few vampires live as long as he does, and hurls Angelus across the room. Angelus laughs, picks himself up, and invites Darla to Naples. The Master tells Angelus to show the proper respect and clobbers him again. They could have done something nice here and implied that Angelus's reaction to the Master is influenced by his relationship with his own father, but it's probably for the best that they don't since I don't need any more anvils just now. Plus, I think we're all well aware that all fathers, and father-figures, are evil. Angelus tells Darla, "You belong by my side, out in the world, feeding as we like, taking what we need." But we can't escape all the anvils, so he adds, "I'll give you that view you crave, darlin'. I'll give you everything." He concludes by asking whether Darla would rather look at the Master's face or his. Wow, tough call. The Master chuckles, "Idiot, I made her!" Then he hesitates, and asks Darla, "You're leaving with the stallion, aren't you?" Stallion? Stallion? I am deeply disturbed. Darla rushes to Angelus, helps him up, and away they go. The Master tells his henchvamps, "It won't last. I give it a century, tops."
Angel tries to join in the researching by looking "Darla" up in a dictionary, and concludes that it must be the name the Master gave her. Wesley reports that they're still trying to track her down. Angel can't figure out why Wolfram & Hart would bring Darla back as a human. Wesley suggests that it was the only way they could control her. He tells Angel, "You have all your attention focused on finding this one woman." Angel asks if he thinks that Wolfram & Hart are just trying to distract him. Wesley thinks that it's possible. Have they been ignoring Cordy's visions or something? Because as far as I can tell, there's nothing going on for Angel to be distracted from.
Lindsey escorts Darla into his office and opens the curtains. So she can have a view, y'see. Holland enters and says howdy, then asks to talk to Lindsey privately. Out in the hallway, Holland says it isn't "prudent" to keep Darla in their building. Lindsey explains that he's worried about her. Holland says that "she's cracking up," and before Lindsey can reassure him, continues, "She's way ahead of schedule." He cheerfully says that Lindsey did the right thing to bring Darla back, and advises Lindsey to keep Darla there, and to rid his office of any "letter-openers, staple guns, even ball-point pens."
London, 1880. Darla, Angelus, and Drusilla answer the musical question, "What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?" Apparently, you drink his blood and leave his corpse in the gutter. Dru stares down at the body and says, "When I bit into 'im, I could 'ear the ocean." Darla dryly responds, "Of course you could," while Angelus looks on. Dru says she's all alone, and Angelus says, "You've got us." Dru complains, "You won't even hurt me just a little bit." Yawn. Darla smirks, "All you have to do is ask." Dru calls Darla "Grandmother," which Darla doesn't care for. Catfight! Angelus suggests that Drusilla could "make [herself] a playmate," and Drusilla gets all enthusiastic: "I could pick the wisest and bravest knight in all the land, and make him mine forever with a kiss." On cue, William the Bloodless stumbles into them and rushes off to nurse his broken heart. The vampires stop to watch, and Darla suggests, "Or you could just take the first drooling idiot that comes along." As Angelus and Darla walk on, Drusilla continues staring after William.
Angel sums up the MoG's research efforts: they've found a property owned by one of Wolfram & Hart's clients. With a view. Angel doesn't think they can assume that Darla is there. Cordy says that he place has a view, and Berber carpeting. Angel remains unconvinced until Cordy says that her sister is staying in unit 319. She continues, "My older...way older...like, 400 years older...blonde sister, Darla, no last name. I've been desperately trying to find her because Mom and Dad are in the coma. Sue, the property manager, was very helpful." With a final grin, Cordy adds, "She even cried." I feel like I should make a joke about Cordy's age, especially when it's handed to me this way, but she's looking so pretty lately that I just can't do it. After processing all this, Angel grabs the address and races for the door. But Wesley thinks it would be a better idea if he and Gunn went on a reconnaissance mission first. Cordy seconds that emotion, "since it's one o'clock in the afternoon, and that address is in Sun Valley." Angel gives in, and chuckles, "Right. Sun." Cordy explains, "Actually, I was thinking 'Valley.' I mean, why go there if you don't have to?"
Darla is staring out at the view from Lindsey's office. She's all about the view. Or is she just hypnotized by the sight of her own reflection in the glass? I certainly am. Because it's around noon in L.A., and we can see that it's a sunny day, and Lindsey's office isn't lit that brightly, yet she can see her reflection in the glass. Not only does she have a soul, she's got some kind of extra-powerful mega-soul, with reflection enhancers! Lindsey returns, and Darla talks about how she doesn't even remember the name she had when she was human. She says, "I was Darla for so long...then I wasn't. I wasn't anything. I just stopped." She asks why they brought her back, and Lindsey doesn't have any good answer. Trying a different tactic, Darla asks why Lindsey hasn't kissed her. Lindsey says that he wasn't sure she wanted him to, and Darla says that shouldn't matter. "Do you think I ever hesitated when I wanted something?" she asks. Lindsey steps forward and kisses Darla, and I am bewildered by the fact that Lindsey appears to be wearing a charm bracelet. Lindsey stops to ask, "Do you like it?" Which is an odd question to ask, but okay. Darla answers, "It's nice, but it's not me you want to screw." Lindsey pulls away slightly, and Darla says, "It's him," and I can practically hear the forums erupt with delight. Darla adds, "You all think you can use me to get to Angel." "Maybe," Lindsey allows, and they kiss some more. As things get hot and heavy, Darla suddenly curls around and sinks her teeth into Lindsey's neck. Lindsey doesn't really like his new hickey. Darla freaks out a bit, asking, "Am I Darla?" When Lindsey says that she is, she replies, "Careful. Darla would snap you in half. Is that who I am?" She stumbles back toward the window while Lindsey insists that he understands how she feels. Darla whines, "Nobody can understand. I can feel this body dying, Lindsey. I can feel it decay, moment by moment. It's being eaten away by this thing inside of it. It's a cancer, this soul. "
Romania, 1898. Angel, looking rumpled, wanders under a particularly dramatic tree on a hillside. Cut to a Gypsy camp, where Darla is complaining that they "stole him away" by giving Angelus a soul. The Gypsy says that Angel must suffer as his victims did. Darla, bizarrely, decided to debate the justice of this act: "Whatever pain he caused your daughter was momentary. Over in an instant...or an hour." Heh. She says that their curse will cause Angel to suffer for "the rest of eternity." Behind the Gypsy, Drusilla grumbles about Angelus's absence. Darla makes me laugh when she adopts a motherly tone in telling Dru, "Go on, kill things!" Dru makes me laugh harder when she worries, "He shall be very cross if he finds we had a lovely mass slaughter without 'im." Darla says that Angelus will return soon, and Dru goes off in search of victims. Darla turns her attention back to the Gypsy, and tells him that his family is in a nearby wagon: "Your wife and daughters will die tonight without my protection. But if you do as I say, your family can live." But then Spike stumbles out of the wagon, burping. As Darla stares at him in horror, he asks, "What?" This episode is a strange mix of horror and French farce. Or as that redundant? So it was actually Spike who killed the girl's family, but the murders were attributed to Angelus. Consider this your obligatory dramatic revelation. Anyway, Darla gives up and snaps the Gypsy's neck, while Dru sings, "They cry out for mercy." Darla thinks for a second, and replies, "Show none," while Spike joins Darla for a quick dance by the fire.
The MoG look over pictures taken of the destruction at Darla's former home. Gunn eats a sandwich. Angel realizes that Darla smashed all the mirrors, and concludes, "The weight of her soul. She's feeling it." Cordy asks, "Then why don't you go around smashing mirrors?" Angel makes a "duh" gesture and answers, "Because I don't have to look at myself in them." But if he could see his reflection, he'd probably button his damn shirt. Cordy goes to answer the phone while Angel insists that they have to track Darla down. Cordy calls Angel to the phone, but he tells her to take a message. Wesley argues that the whole thing could be a set-up. Cordy calls to Angel again, but he snaps, "I'm talking!" Cordy picks up the phone again and says, "Hi, Darla. He can't talk right now. He'll call you back once he's found you. Yeah, okay..." Angel runs to the phone and grabs it away. He asks Darla where she is, and she answers, "Better question: where was I?" Oh, man, it's gonna be one of these kinds of conversations. Darla says she doesn't remember anything, and asks, "Could it be there's no hell?" Angel says, "There's a hell. A few of them. I've been to one." Darla says that she thought no one could understand, but she realizes that Angel can. She says, "It's been four centuries since I've had to be afraid of anything, and now I'm sick with it." The camera slowly turns so that we can see Lindsey standing in the doorway behind her. Suddenly he asks, "Darla, what are you doing?" Angel can hear Lindsey telling Darla to put down the phone, and I wonder what kind of super-sensitive telephones they have at Wolfram & Hart. Darla turns as a guard enters Lindsey's office and says, "Mr. Manners said you might need some help with her." Is Holland's last name Manners? That's funny. Lindsey orders the guard to leave, while Darla insists that she has to go to Angel. Lindsey says, "Don't say that." Darla slides the phone down so that Angel can hear her heart beating. Over the phone. That sure beats hearing a pin drop, eh Sprint? Darla insists that only Angel can help her, while the guard watches suspiciously. Lindsey says he can help, Darla says he can't, and the guard suggests that they all go visit Mr. Manners. Lindsey yells at the guard to leave, and while he's shouting, Darla smacks the phone into Lindsey's skull. Lindsey falls, and Darla rushes for the guard. Angel hears a gunshot over the phone. Okay, that part I believe.
In Holland's office, Lindsey watches a security-camera videotape of Darla's escapades. The guard falls, and Lindsey grabs Darla and hustles her out the door. Holland stops the tape and says, "You not only allowed her to escape, you facilitated it." Lindsey says that "things were confusing," and Holland observes, "Things are often confusing for you, aren't they?" Lindsey asks about the guard, and Holland says that they've notified the family and that the police have a suspect in custody. As he heads for the door, Holland tells Lindsey, "You're off this project." Lindsey throws back his mane in astonishment and says that he can find Darla. Find her? Didn't he leave with her? Holland says that they picked Darla up within a few blocks of the building. Oh. Okay. Lindsey asks whether Darla's okay, and Holland says that the project is out of control, and that he's terminating it. With his winsome brand of menace, Holland says, "Go home, Lindsey. Get some rest. We'll start fresh tomorrow." I bet Lilah's really pissed off at the number of second chances Lindsey gets.
At the Hyperion, Gunn asks if Angel wants his company. Angel is slipping into a brown leather jacket. Brown! Angel says that he has to do this on his own. So why is Gunn there? Not that I mind, but is he dropping by for another sandwich or something? Wesley starts to whine, and Angel says, "I know, I could be walking into a trap. I get that." Wesley has put a tweed coat over the olive sweater over the red shirt, hoping perhaps that the cumulative effect will help somehow. It doesn't. To be fair, Cordy's shirt is -- as usual -- freakish in design, but at least it's a nice color. Anyway, Angel says that he knows what Darla is going through. He says, "And unlike me, maybe she won't have to go through it alone." Cordy, offended, says, "You're not alone." Angel and Cordy stare at each other in a meaningful way. That is, it's meaningful, but I'm not sure what the precise meaning is. Maybe Angel means, "I'm not alone now, but I was for a while there, y'know," and maybe Cordy means, "I'm 250 years old, I was there the whole time!" Or maybe the director just needed some coverage. Wesley says, "She may be experiencing all of this exactly as you did. But, Angel, you yourself wandered for a hundred years, without ever seeking redemption." I go for the "coverage" theory as Angel's voice is dubbed in for the reply, "That's right. I sought her." Angel looks meaningfully at Wesley this time, and this time the meaning is almost certainly: "Yeah, what that overdubbed voice said!"
China, 1900. More specifically, I'm guessing late June in either Beijing or Tianjin. Boxers are rebelling all over the place. Darla strolls through her house(?) looking very doll-like in a kimono with her hair up. Suddenly Angel grabs her from behind. He's looking particularly unkempt. "You're so warm. You just fed," he observes. Darla notes that he found her, and Angel says, "You could never resist a religious war." Well, the "war" wasn't technically over religion, although a cult did play a significant part in it, but I still wouldn't call it...oh, never mind. Angel says that he just followed the bodies to her, and adds that she's getting careless. Darla says that maybe she wanted to be found. Angel asks after Spike and Drusilla, and Darla says that they're "probably out in the riots. Maybe starting a new one." She fumbles in the package she was carrying, pulls out a knife, and shoves him up against a wall. As she holds the knife to his throat, she says she could kill him, and Angel tells her to go ahead. Darla asks, "Is that why you've come all this way? Too much of a coward to end your own existence; you want me to do it for you?" She says that she can still smell his soul, not to mention the vermin off which he's been living. Angel encourages her to slit his throat, but Darla releases him and demands to know why he's there. Angel says that he wants another chance. "I miss the view," he says, and I sigh, because this running theme is so unnecessary and irritating. Plus, what the hell does it mean? What view? If it's a metaphor, what's it a metaphor FOR? Sigh. Angel says that he's still a vampire, and Darla says that he isn't. Angel asks for a chance to prove himself, and says, "We can have the whirlwind back." Darla, delighted, says, "We can do anything?" as they kiss.
Lindsey hurries through a garage, dialing a cell phone as he reaches his car. As the phone begins to ring, Angel wraps a cord around Lindsey's throat and proceeds to throttle him. We can see that Lindsey has a cross hanging on a chain around his neck. Nice touch. Angel demands to know where Darla is. Lindsey tries to stammer out something, and finally holds up the phone so that Angel can hear Cordy saying, "Angel Investigations, we help the helpless," at the other end. Angel allows a little more slack into the cord so that Lindsey can say, "They're going to kill her, you've gotta stop it. She needs you, please!" Angel asks where, and Lindsey says, "In an abandoned bank on Figaro and 9th. Wolfram & Hart own the property." Angel chokes Lindsey some more, Lindsey insists that he's telling the truth. Angel says, "If this is a trick, just know I'll be coming back for you." He releases Lindsey, who falls to the ground, and adds, "Hell, I just might be coming back for you anyway." Lindsey says that he'll be at T.G.I.Friday's, if Angel wants to meet up with him later for mozzarella sticks. Well, he doesn't say that out loud, but you can tell that's what he's thinking.
Back in China, a much cleaner Angel looks for Darla amongst the panicking mob. He wanders into an alley and finds a missionary couple cowering with their daughter and baby. A random extra attacks, and Angel quickly dispatches him. Angel stares at the family and backs out of the alley as he hears Darla calling him. Darla runs up, all excited, and for once neglects to talk about the view. Instead she kisses him and asks, "What's over here?" looking at the alley behind Angel. He insists, "Nothing, bodies. Let's find something warm." They stroll through the square and run into Drusilla and Spike, glowing from their post-slayer nookie. Dru passes on the good news about Spike killing a slayer. Spike shows his tongue. One of the attack lawyers growls at me before I can say more about that. Angel offers his insincere congratulations on Spike's accomplishment: "I guess that makes you one of us." Spike says that Angel can have first crack at the slayer. Drusilla steps past Angel and mutters, "I smell feahhhhh." Angel responds, "This whole place reeks of it." Dru says that it's "intoxicating," but Angel says that the rebellion is starting to bore him. I hum "Little Green Bag," as the four vampire stride in slow-motion along the street, Angel's hair billowing in the wind. The great poof. Oh look, there's Spike jumping over a barrel. The attack lawyer growls again. Hey, it happened; I'm just recapping here, okay? And now Spike is carrying Dru. They're so adorable together. All crazy and evil and all. Awww. And there's Angel's big broody forehead. Yawn. Darla's echoey voice says, "Are you with me, Angel? Why aren't you with me?"
Darla is thrown out of a van by two random thugs. One draws a gun and apologizes as he takes aim. Commercial. Wow, that was a short scene.
Still back in China. Angel enters an apartment as Darla demands to know where he's been. He says he's been "out." Darla asks if he's been feeding on vermin. Angel says no, but Darla thinks he's lying. "I've killed men; you've seen it," he offers. His hair is just silly. Darla says that Angel only kills "evil-doers" now. How much time has passed for her to observe this? She complains that Angel promised to prove himself if she took him back. Angel says that he will. Darla pulls the giant doily off a basket and says, "Now's your chance." To our collective non-surprise, there's a baby in there. It's probably a very cute baby, but I'm not a good judge of these things, as a number of my outraged friends can attest. Darla says that she went back and found the family Angel discovered. So it's only a day after the last flashback. But Darla can say that Angel only kills rapists and murderers now. How many people did they kill last night? And isn't it hard to find sweet and innocent victims when you're hunting in the middle of a battle zone? She says, "They didn't know that their only savior was at the waterfront, dining on rats. I won't be made a fool, Angelus." Angel tries to offer excuses, but Darla points out that "while Spike -- Spike! -- was out killing a slayer, you were saving missionaries. From me." Maybe Angel should try to make a joke right now, to defuse the tension. Oh, maybe not. The baby looks up at Angel. Darla says, "No more words. Act."
Darla stares up at her assassins as the Angelmobile drives up behind her. She tries to run, but a baddie tosses her so that she bonks her noggin on a door frame. She sucks. Angel makes with the kicking and punching, and after taking care of the baddies, hurries over to Darla.
Lindsey enters the Wolfram & Hart building, having made the daring fashion choice of allowing his shirt collars to flop on top of his jacket lapels. Dude, Doyle dressed that way, and look at what happened to him. As he reaches his office, he turns in time to see the security guard shaking hands with Holland. I would expect Wolfram & Hart to be a bit more subtle in their plotting, somehow. After the guard walks away, Holland looks up and sees Lindsey staring at him. Lindsey, maybe they wouldn't be so mean to you if you'd get a haircut. Holland walks into Lindsey's office and closes the door. Lindsey whines, "You played me." Holland says that they had to make Lindsey believe it, "because she had to believe it. Because Angel has to." Lindsey asks if Holland thinks that Darla will give Angel a moment of perfect happiness. Lindsey says, "It won't happen. He's noble. He'll never take advantage of her, not in this state, not now." Holland says that they know that "there's no prospect for physical intimacy here." Lindsey wants to know what they do expect, in that case. Holland says that Angel will save Darla's soul. The audience collectively looks at each other and says, "Huh?"
Darla sleeps on the sofa at the Hyperion. Cordy suggests getting a doctor, but Darla doesn't like that idea. She looks dreamily at Angel and sighs, "Angelus." Cordy intercedes: "I know you're Concussion Gal and all, but around here it's 'Angel.' Just 'Angel,' okay?" Angel asks everyone else to leave. Wesley, Cordy, and Gunn leave. Backstage, Gunn again asks why he even had to show up this week. For me, Gunn. For me.
Darla puts her hand on Angel's and says, "I'm so lucky to have someone who understands." I'm forced to acknowledge that Angel is a better person than I am. If an ex of mine showed up saying, "Oh, y'know how callous and unsympathetic I was before? Well, now I truly understand how you felt, and I could really use some help," I would laugh and laugh and laugh until I asphyxiated, because that's how funny it would be. I'm at peace with my bitterness. Anyway. Angel says it wasn't Darla's fault, and that it'll all be okay. Darla says, "I knew you'd help me, if I could only get to you. Funny, that's why they brought me back. To get to you. Now I find [that] I need you. Just as I've always needed you. " She asks whether Angel will make the pain stop, and Angel says that it takes time. She tosses back her hair and says, "It takes moments. Do it. Now." Angel, horrified, jumps up and backs away. He really does seem startled and frightened, so props to his acting coach. Darla asks him to make her a vampire again. Angel says he'll help her, "but not like this." Darla bursts into tears and says, "I can't bear this pounding in my chest for another instant!" Angel holds her and says, "It's a gift. To feel that heartbeat. To know, really, and for once, that you're alive." "And for once"? To know you're alive, "for once"? Was this dialogue translated from some other language? Angel asks if she knows what it means to be human. Darla says, "It means pain, suffering, and disease, and death. I released you from this world once. I gave you eternal life. Now it's time for you to return that favor." Angel releases Darla and steps back before saying, "Favor? Is that what you think? You think you did me a favor? You damned me." Darla, always ready to switch tactics, suggests that if it was a punishment, Angel can pay her back. Angel says he can't. Special note to the Buffy makeup department: Darla looks much prettier in this scene, with no noticeable makeup on her face at all, than Buffy does when she's got the ultra-reflective lip gloss of doom. Please tone things down over there. Thanks.
Back in China, Darla asks, "Whaddya mean, you can't?" As the baby gurgles, Angel says, "I can't seem to be what I'm not. I'm sorry." Darla says that he disgusts her. Then she stares as, in slow motion, Angel grabs the baby and leaps out through a window. Couldn't he have at least tried the door? Or is this thematic, because in breaking the window he's ruining her special "view"? Something about "hero rescuing helpless baby in slow motion" causes me to snicker. Too much melodrama for me to process.
At the Hyperion, Darla runs for the door as Angel begs for her to wait. She turns and looks back at him before saying, "Don't look for me again!" Hey, you called him; don't act like he was stalking you. But given how much stalking he does, maybe that's only fair. Darla rushes out as Angel stares after her sadly.
week, Angel wears a green shirt, Kate has a neato combination stake and cross, and Cordelia's haircut may finally reveal itself.