Y Kant Tori Eat

S19E07

With producers angling to find out exactly how dirty and sweaty models can get before they start to complain, the girls are broken into teams and sent out on a road trip to Palm Springs. Their challenge is to practice "Random Acts of Modeling" -- a concept coined by none other than Miss Tyra Banks herself and/or one of her minions -- at various pit stops along the way, and to shoot video segments for Nylon TV, an affiliate of Nylon magazine. The models generally seem unclear on what constitutes a Random Act of Modeling, and instead of doing everyday tasks (reading a magazine, eating chicken wings, etc.) fiercely, many of them just pose alongside random landmarks. There is a bit of a kerfluffle when Victoria seems to have incorrectly filmed one of Kiara's videos for Nylon TV, by not actually filming it at all. The team comprised of Allyssa, Laura, Kristin and Brittany decides to take some photos at a windmill farm, which, it turns out, is very, very, very windy. Nobody gets blown away, sadly. Even though the team of Kiara, Nastasia and Victoria went the extra mile by smearing condiments on their faces, the other team wins the challenge and Laura is named the individual victor. Everyone is a little sick of her being so perfect, but not in an overly hostile way.

Once in Palm Springs, the girls have little time in their motel rooms (and no access to a shower, apparently) before they are whisked off to a photo shoot that capitalizes on their grunge. Basically, they are reenacting scenes from Lindsay Lohan's life in various party girl morning-after scenarios. Spoiled food, bathroom stalls, dumpsters, and milk baths are involved, along with a lot of smeared mascara. Laura has a hard time figuring out how a person should look while puking into a toilet, while Kiara makes the most out of her dumpster Barbie scene. Victoria makes up some crazy backstory in which her character has just lost her virginity and needs to take a pregnancy test. Clearly, sperm-egg specifics are not a big part of the home school curriculum. Victoria stays in character the whole time, and neither Johnny nor the photographer bother to tell her that she just seems crazy. And poor Allyssa has to pretend to lick soda off of a cockroach-laden floor.

And then there's the more general issue of Victoria and her eating habits, or lack thereof. She's a huge stress case, and wasting away to the point where she's getting sick. The other models have noticed, and the nicer ones among them are concerned and wonder if she should voluntarily leave the competition. Victoria blames her problems on the fact that she can't taste food when she's separated from her mom, which in itself seems like a pretty big problem. Nastasia and others confront her in the house, and it also becomes an issue at panel. Though Victoria makes it to another week, Tyra has an eye on her and if disordered behavior is at play Victoria will have to leave. Meanwhile, Nastasia has the highest score for the week, while Laura and Allyssa land in the bottom two. Laura obviously isn't going anywhere, so it is Brazilian beauty Allyssa who is sent home, thus disappointing Tyra and all curvy girls everywhere.

Previously: Pwn pwn steampunk pwn America votes!

The girls return home to find Laura's best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. Laura, of course, is thrilled at herself for being so perfect, with the straight 10s in panel and a challenge victory. Laura says that she's always felt like she lives in the shadow of her parents, given that -- you may not have heard -- her dad was on Dynasty and her mom was a full-time model. But Laura is eager to prove to the world that she deserves this and doesn't need her parents' help. That's probably why she is so low key about the whole situation and hardly ever mentions them. It's very small-town girl of her.

While Laura continues to admire herself, Victoria is the same big crazy mess as always. She was in the bottom two for the first time last week, and says that at the moment Tyra revealed who was eliminated she was losing feeling in her feet and her breathing was getting strained. How much feeling do you think Victoria has in her feet on a normal basis? Are her feet extra sensitive like the rest of her? Does the little toe cry and cry because it's so far away from the big toe and misses it and can't taste toejam without it? We are reminded that Tyra was kind of almost nice to Victoria, giving her a place to lean so she wouldn't actually pass out. Such a nurturer, that one. Victoria tells the other girls that her near blackout was a result of being so stressed out, and they are like duh.

Perhaps inspired by all the drama that surrounded her last sojourn in the Tyra Suite, Laura decides that she will not invite a friend to share in the spoils this time. Learning from the wisdom of Victoria! This is a competition, after all, and also there are times when you just want to get away from some bitches. Meanwhile, Allyssa says that she wants to earn her time in the Tyra Suite, and not just be the invited guest of a superior model. She correctly points out that no one remembers the person who comes in second. They are, after all, the first loser. Unless that first loser is Clay Aiken, in which case you could never forget the dulcet tones of "On the Wings of Love" bursting forth from his crooked little mouth. I was so into him on the last season of Celebrity Apprentice, too. It made me feel a little weird inside, to be honest. Allyssa says that that she hasn't found her full potential yet, but once she does, she's not letting go. This is a dead giveaway that she's going home, right? Allyssa tells us that there's a lot at stake for her, representing as she does the much-maligned and degraded curvy Brazilian women. Yes, you NEVER hear anything good about that particular subgroup, or see them gracing the pages of your Victoria's Secret catalog or anything. What a bunch of dogs, says society! Your perfect voluptuous ass just broke the camera!

By Potes

Oh, and then it's dinnertime. Kiara is making chili for the house, and she tells us that even though some people might have the impression that she's a stone cold beeyotch, she in fact is a nurturer. She raised her six siblings, and is a tough love kind of mom. Kiara hopes that the other girls respect her for this. Well, at the very least I'm sure they'll eat her chili. Everyone is chowing down, and then Victoria walks in on her spindly little legs. She takes a place at the table and the others ask her if she'll have any chili. When Victoria says no, the others quickly ask her why not. She says that she doesn't eat red meat. But of course there is more at play. Victoria misses her mom so much, she interviews, that she hasn't really had the desire to eat like she did at home. She says for about the 100th of 1,000,000 times that it's like she can't even taste food. And I have to say that for a long time I, too, would lose my appetite in periods of extreme stress -- breakups, bad jobs, etc. So I actually don't think that she has an eating disorder. I DO, however, believe that she's a fiery hot mess in many other capacities.

Victoria's eating habits or lack thereof have not gone unnoticed by the other models. Kiara says that she's concerned. Kristin notes that Victoria exercises but doesn't eat a lot, and has definitely lost weight since the competition began. We see Victoria, in a bikini, stretching and lifting giant chess pieces in the backyard. In another context this would have been magical, but now it just feels kind of sad. Editing fail! We want to laugh at these ladies without actual concern! There's nothing I despise more than being forced to have a kindness-based emotion in response to a reality show contestant. As Kristin says that Victoria is not stable enough to handle the competition, we head to credits.

When we return, Bryanboy is in the model house and the girls pretend to be excited for about six seconds. He reminds the girls that a feature in Nylon is part of the prize for the winner, and introduces Marissa Montgomery, who is a designer and host for Nylon TV. She says perfectly objectively that Nylon is one of the greatest and most awesome magazines, and that Nylon TV shoots features all over the world -- from the runways of New York to the ice caves of Sweden. Stockholm Fashion Week is held in ice caves, though, so it's not really that unusual. Bryanboy then announces that, in keeping with the college theme, the girls will be going on a road trip to Palm Springs. This is, of course, a challenge, and the theme is "Random Acts of Modeling." This is a term that apparently was coined by Tyra. I mean, you have to give her credit for throwing shit at the wall until something sticks. Tooch that smize H2T! Laura and Kristin explain that Random Acts of Modeling occur when you're doing a regular thing like talking on the phone or pumping gas, but doing it fiercely. And, I would add, someone is there to take a photo of your magnificence.

For the challenge, the girls will split into two teams, each of which gets an RV, and will make three pit stops en route to Palm Springs. At each pit stop, each girl will take a photo capturing a Random Act of Modeling and record a video segment as well. The best model from the winning team will get to do a segment for Nylon TV for real, and also get $10,000 in her scholarship bank. The girls split up into teams somewhat naturally. Allyssa, Kristin and Brittany instantly lock arms and declare themselves a unit, which leaves Nastasia, Kiara and Victoria to be on a team together. Victoria is not particularly fond of Kiara, but knows that when you're a host for the prestigious Nylon TV, you must deal with all sorts of people. Since Laura is the house president, she gets to choose which team to be on, and goes with Team 1 -- Allyssa, Kristin and Brittany.

The girls pack quickly without the benefit of a shower, and then head out in their RVs. They have drivers, thank God. Team 2 decides that they are going to have an edgy fashion road trip, and Victoria promises to bring out the weird. As opposed to what has she been bringing so far? Now I am concerned too. Kiara tells us that she likes Victoria, in part because she's such a lost, fragile child. She wants to step up and be "that person" for Victoria. By "that person" I think she means person who recommends a good therapist. For their first pit stop, Team 2 winds up at a replica of the Statue of Liberty. Kiara poses in front of a big eagle sub-statue, but this is deemed NOT a random act of modeling. Victoria's pose against the Statue replica also is not a random act of modeling. I guess you have to, like, brush your teeth while posing on the statue. The girls then record their video segments, and as they are finishing up Victoria starts freaking out because she didn't mention Nylon TV in hers. She wants to re-shoot her video, but Kiara is having none of it and shoos her back in the RV.

Team 1, meanwhile, pulls over at an amusement park. Allyssa poses while getting tickets -- this IS a random act of modeling -- and says that she's a total Nylon girl, and her body type is very relatable. Though we have never heard Allyssa categorized as "fiercely real" before, she tells us that her body isn't necessarily plus-sized. It's awesome-sized. It's hard to argue with that when you see her in her full glory. Kristin and Brittany pose in what are NOT random acts of modeling, but then Laura gets it right by fiercely eating cotton candy. It is apparently quite hot and disgusting, and everyone feels sweaty and gross. I have to give them credit for holding up so well in these grimy circumstances. Videos are filmed, and in a hilarious moment Brittany criticizes Laura's video for being too fake. She's nothing but genuine in hers, she says, before we see her blowing a loud kiss to the camera.

By Potes

, Team 2 stops at the not at all racist Wigwam Motel. For some reason Kiara is making the others run from site to site within the Wigwam grounds to take their photos. Is this also a race? Victoria tells us that working with Kiara was the real challenge, and though she thinks of herself as a mother figure she is in fact not very maternal at all. Though, in fairness, Victoria's conception of what comprises "maternal" may be a bit skewed. Kiara succeeds in fiercely reading a magazine, but Nastasia and Victoria again do not live up to the bar of true Random Acts of Modeling.

Team 1 stops at the Farm House restaurant, where Allyssa commits a Random Act of Modeling by fiercely using hot sauce. Team 2 shows up in the same locale, and the line cook can hardly believe his luck. Laura questions Team 2's wardrobe choices -- they have shown up in long evening gowns, which she says is not very Nylon. In contrast, Team 1 has gone with a bit of an edgier, color-filled look. We see Kristin fiercely washing her hands and Brittany fiercely reading a map, both of which are considered successful Random Acts of Modeling. Team 2 goes for a theme in which they are fiercely and messily eating. Kiara succeeds in fiercely eating chicken wings. Victoria puts bleu cheese dressing all over her face for her shot. I think the other girls encouraged her to do that on the off chance that some would make its way into her mouth. Victoria nibbles one celery stick, but again tells us that her food has no taste. Maybe Victoria's mother actually chewed her food and spit it into her mouth like a bird? In keeping with the theme, Nastasia is concerned about Victoria generally, with a particular focus on her eating habits.

By Potes

With their three pit stops complete, Team 2 heads to Palm Springs. In the RV, however, Kiara notices that her third video -- filmed by Victoria at the restaurant -- is gone. I mean, of course Victoria was probably so dizzy from hunger that she misread the button on the iPad that said "Start." Kiara shoots Victoria some dagger looks, and Victoria tells us that anxiety is starting to creep up. Does it ever creep down and subside for her? I have my doubts. In any case, Kiara says that she's not going to get crazy and yell at Victoria. Rather, they just have to pull over and shoot another video. Kiara has to do a whole bunch of takes of her video, which Victoria finds frustrating since she was only allowed to do one take. Well, if you hadn't NOT FILMED her video nobody would be in this predicament.

For their final pit stop, Team 1 decides to go to a windmill farm. This was Allyssa's idea, because she thought it would make a beautiful backdrop. While that logic makes a certain kind of sense, it turns out that areas with windmills are typically very windy. There are plenty of skirts blowing up, and hair blowing all around, and Brittany even says that her contact blew out. Shouldn't Laura be afraid that she's going to get blown into the side of a cliff or something? Once again, the girls seem to have a very loose grasp on what actually constitutes a Random Act of Modeling, though I'd argue that you can't really blame them for that.

Dirtier and stinkier than ever, the girls show up to a hotel in Palm Springs where Bryanboy awaits. He introduces Nylon editor-in-chief Marvin Scott Jarrett, who will be judging. Marvin Scott Jarrett also looks like he hasn't taken a shower in a week, perhaps to make the girls feel more comfortable. He tells the models that a Nylon girl is comfortable with herself, and has her own personal style. He commends everyone for doing a good job, then gets down to the critique. Kristin has a very Nylon look, and Marvin loves her bathroom shot. Brittany's fierce map read was pretty good, but everything else looked like vacation photos. Allyssa has great energy, but her photos seem too posed. Laura did a great job with her props and locations and seemed to most get the concept of Random Acts of Modeling. Laura smiles really widely, and when she does this I can't help but think that she looks like Monica Lewinsky. Does anyone else see this or am I just crazy? As for Team 2, Nastasia has an innate Nylon look but didn't deliver what Tyra was looking for. Victoria had a good tractor photo, but the rest were too posed. Kiara was probably the only one on her team who understood the concept, particularly when fiercely eating chicken wings. Team 1 is deemed the best, and Laura is the ultimate challenge winner. She gets a 9, while Kristin gets an 8, Brittany gets a 6, Allyssa gets a 7, Kiara gets a 7, Nastasia gets an 8, and Victoria gets a 6.

Before the girls even have time to get a shower or put on a little deodorant or something to make them less stinky, Johnny walks in to their motel room and tells them that they'll be doing a photo shoot that will make use of all their grunginess. This is probably the exact moment when I'd storm off the set and quit the show, because you do NOT fuck with my personal hygiene. The theme for the show is basically "Livin' La Vida Lohan," with the girls playing out a series of gross and sad morning after scenes. They've got nasty hair and smeared makeup and ripped stockings, and get to do things like pass out in dumpsters. It's a little like a haute PSA about binge drinking. Douglas Friedman photographs.

Brittany is up first, and has to be quasi-passed out in a chair in a filthy apartment, with gross take-out food all around her. If they were really committed to this theme, the food would have maggots. Brittany does a great job on what I'll call "The Darker Side of Disney," which also fits into the Lohan theme. Laura is , with a very Live Through This look happening. She's trying not to be overconfident going into her shoot, and gets helped out in that capacity when she realizes that her set is a toilet stall. She's supposed to be hunched over in a barfing pose, but clearly has no idea how to do it. At one point Johnny has to lay down on the floor and act out the barfing, even though he claims with a wink to have no such experience in similar situations.

In other news, you may not have heard anything about this yet, but Victoria doesn't eat, and is growing continually more skeletal. It remains a source of concern for just about everyone except Victoria, who is more focused on being really, really weird as a competitive strategy. There's no weirdness that she won't resort to, she says, and we see this in action as she goes on set and tells Johnny and Douglas -- in character -- that she just lost her virginity and is freaking out and has to take a pregnancy test. As befits a student of Liberty University, Victoria obviously has no idea about the details of conception or when a person should use a pregnancy test versus Plan B. Johnny tells us that Victoria is a character, and sometimes in fact it's TOO much. She screams that she can't be pregnant and can't get an abortion, and soon Douglas tells her that they got the shot, I think just to get her out of there. Victoria leaves, still in character, and Douglas tells Johnny that this was a real experience for him.

up is Kristin, who gets to drink-slash-pour a whole bunch of milk over herself for her shoot. Johnny tells us that Kristin was trooper, and was a good sport even when she was choking on the milk or it was going up her nose. Of course she's secretly pissed and proceeds to go backstage and complain endlessly. At least she has learned to stifle her stankness when she's on set. Kiara thinks that Kristin should be appreciative that someone is even asking her to pour milk all over herself for a fleeting chance at notoriety. To her credit, Kiara embraces her dumpster-diving set with genuine enthusiasm. She tells us that the whole thing hit a little close to home, since at one point in her life she would in fact find clothing in dumpsters. Kiara was also homeless at one point, and says that her life has been filled with garbage that she can't control. Johnny notes that Kiara is a real competitor and practically jumped in the dumpster. He says that he saw a model in her today. Kiara, meanwhile, is happy about how her life has evolved and appreciates all the opportunities that are being presented to her. She would have poured an extra gallon of milk on herself just for kicks! Even better if it's spoiled!

Nastasia is , in a shower scene. She lets the water run over her in a sequined dress, and is worried about looking tiny as Douglas continues to tell her to scrunch down. Then there's Allyssa, who has to act like she's drinking soda off the floor of a really dirty industrial kitchen. Douglas and Johnny keep telling her to lift her butt in the air, and at one point they have to instruct her not to actually let her tongue hit the ground. But alas! It is too late. Allyssa now officially has cooties. Johnny tells us that Allyssa is a beautiful girl with a great body, but he doesn't see her as a high fashion model and today she was a little spaced. Douglas thinks that Allyssa kind of got it toward the end of the shoot, but doesn't seem thrilled about her performance. When a roach crawls out from under the stove, Johnny calls it a wrap.

The girls head back to their motel rooms, and Victoria tries to channel some inspiration and encouragement from her mom via psychic mind meld technology. She's generally sort of freaking out at a low-level, and gets upset when she can't find her toothbrush. Kiara and Nastasia tell Victoria to calm down, but she will not. Nastasia tells us that Victoria is about to crack, and that something is a-brewing. And it's not savory broth filled with calories that would counter her obvious malnourishment!

The models return home to find Tyra Mail of Doom. Someone's going home! Allyssa reminds us that she wants this more than anything else in life. Laura, meanwhile, theorizes that Victoria is going to be sent home. Not only did she get a low challenge score, but she's really sick. Laura doesn't explain how, exactly, Victoria is sick, probably because they don't get enough time in the confessional room to even start the list. Victoria then interviews that being away from her mom has been very hard, and adds that with the losing weight and not being able to eat her food, she doesn't want to drop dead over this competition. If we were in the old Janice Dickinson days, she'd just recommend inserting a feeding tube and moving on with the challenge. Or maybe not even the feeding tube part, really.

Oh no, and then Victoria calls her mom. She instantly bursts into sobs when her mom picks up the phone and says quite loudly how hard being away from her is. All of the other girls can hear it and look a little alarmed at the whole situation. Victoria's mom suggests that she just leave, which is an interesting tactic. I sure do hope Victoria sticks around long enough for some sort of parental visit to take place, because I am quite intrigued to meet this lady. Kristin tells us that you can't be in a competition like this and endure stress if you feel the need to talk to your mom every day to get through it, and Allyssa simply calls her obsessed and cray. She adds, "She's one confused home-schooled human being." As Victoria tells her mom yet again that food has no taste, the other girls talk amongst themselves and seem to agree that she needs to go home and/or to the hospital. Victoria asks for words of advice and encouragement, but before she can get them Kristin yells that her time on the phone is up. Kristin's lack of sympathy is such that she stands there hounding Victoria until she actually hangs up. Victoria's main problem, I think, is that she spends too much of her precious phone minutes crying and freaking out. It's moments like these that make you wonder exactly how rigorous the psych test for this show is.

Once Victoria is off the phone, Nastasia walks up to her and asks if she might need to go home. She tells us that Victoria isn't strong enough to handle the competition, and visual evidence seems to bear out this theory. Nastasia tells Victoria that they never see her eating, and that she works out all the time. It's not good. I would add that Victoria looks REALLY tired, probably because she isn't getting much protein. Victoria argues that all of her calisthenics are for purposes of stress relief, and Nastasia again tells her that she needs to eat more, and that's what's making her sick. I am so sad that the calisthenics ended up being a nefarious factor in this equation! They were my one true joy of this season. Victoria says that she's not trying to lose weight, and Brittany tells her that she looks different from when the competition started and it's concerning. Victoria didn't want this whole issue to be turned into a big scene -- the "on camera" is implicit -- and feels ostracized. Allyssa then brings up her potentially unhealthy attachment to her mom, which doesn't really go anywhere. As Kiara says that Victoria is withering away and that she feels like something big is about to happen, we head to commercials.

By Potes

And then there's Victoria. Kelly says that Victoria's shot shows her being intergalactically out of it, in the best way possible. Rob loves it too, and Tyra says that the photo is amazing. She has an amazing set but it's not drowning her out. Kelly and Tyra both give Victoria 8s, while Rob gives her a 9. At this point, Bryanboy asks when he's going to see Victoria standing there and being confident in herself. If she makes it through this round, he says, he wants to see her with a happy face. Victoria talks about how she tried to step it up this week, and how she wants more of an opportunity to show the judges what she's capable of. At this point, some looks are thrown around amongst the models behind her, and Tyra asks what's up. Kiara speaks up and says that, as a group, the rest of them are concerned about Victoria and her health. Victoria is incensed, and when Tyra asks if she's sick, Victoria says that she's fine.

Tyra digs a little more, though, and Kristin says that although Victoria claims that she's eating, the rest of them aren't so much seeing it. Victoria says that she eats at shoots, but when she sits down with the other girls it seems like they're all trying to gang up on her. Tyra acknowledges that it must be very difficult for Victoria to stand there with people saying things about her, but at the same time health for a model is one of her priorities not just in this competition, but in life. After all, she says, she's written open letters to every single girl in the world! She has to keep doing this show just so she can afford the postage! Tyra acknowledges that this might all be hearsay, and Victoria says that she misses her mom and doesn't have much of an appetite, but at least is eating enough to technically stay alive. Tyra tells Victoria that it's up to her -- if she survives this week, Tyra will be keeping an eye on her, and if she restricts, she'll have to go home. But what if she restricts her craziness to a manageable level? Well, then she'd probably have to go home too, actually.

Seven beautiful young ladies stand before Tyra, but she has only six photos in her hands. And those photos represent the girls who are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. The girl who has the highest total score for the week is Nastasia, with a 42.2 overall and a fan vote of 5.23. Now she gets to be the house queen or whatever. The runner up is Brittany, with a total score of 39.2 and fan vote of 6.4. Kristin is called , with a total score of 38.1 and a fan vote of 6.13. Then there's Victoria, with a 36.7 overall and a fan vote of 5.7. Tyra respects what everyone in the room has said, including Victoria, but still plans to look into the situation. Victoria assures Tyra that she does not have a disorder, and Tyra congratulates her for still being in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. Kiara is called , with a total score of 35.9 and a fan vote of 4.89. People of the world really do not enjoy her.

By Potes

This leaves Laura and Allyssa in the bottom two. I think Allyssa cries more beautifully than anyone I've ever seen. Laura tries to squeeze out a tear, but she has to know that she's safe. Tyra asks Laura what she's doing there. Last week she blew everyone away with her fierce photo, but this week the model has left the building. Then there's Allyssa, who's beautiful and statuesque, but from week to week something is happening. Something that is not good. And this is a disappointment because Allyssa is the only fiercely real girl left. I mean, of two. If she goes home, Tyra will be personally upset, and millions of fans will be upset. Well, as it turns out, Tyra is going to be upset. Laura has the better score, with a 32.9 overall and a fan vote of 4.94. Allyssa, with a 29.0 and a 5.01 fan vote, will be going home. Laura clutches her blotchy chest and says that she wants this so bad and tried really hard. Tyra encourages her to rip up her photo, and says that she can do better than that.

Tyra hugs Allyssa and actually gets a flicker of emotion as she says that as a black girl with a big butt, she had to try harder. And so Allyssa is going to have to try harder as well. What is waiting for Allyssa, however, is a chance to come back. Tyra wants her to work extra hard in the photo shoots and show that she's representing the curvy girls. Having never modeled before, Allyssa is proud to have gotten this far in the competition. She tells us that fiercely real is more than just a body type -- it's a personality. I mean, technically it's a completely meaningless phrase, but I get her point.

week: The models seem to go from concern for Victoria to active dislike of Victoria. Also, go-sees!

Potes would like to make Victoria a delicious pot pie. Tweet her @traciepotes or email potesypotes@gmail.com.