It's the final four! The girls meet with a crazy Italian acting coach who makes them project their voices and run around crazily. It's a rough time for Ann, whose screams even sound like silent tears. The acting lesson is in preparation for a meeting with a very important client -- Vogue Italia editor-in-chief Franca Sozzani! ALT is there in a conductor hat to lurk around and watch as the girls show a visibly unimpressed Franca their portfolios and try to chat her up a little. Kayla uses the unfortunate phrase "modeling stuff," and explains nothing about herself. Franca thinks she's pretty, but has no character. Chelsey is chatty and talks a lot about her experience, which leads Franca to believe that she does, in fact, have character. Ann tries to speak up, but is unsure if she should talk or not. She wonders if Franca hates her. Franca doesn't, but does say that Ann is very shy. Jane doesn't go far in proving that she has a personality, and Franca notes that she doesn't have enough character… in her face. Chelsey wins the challenge, and she and Kayla get: 1) a private viewing of The Last Supper with ALT; 2) a night at a seven-star hotel in Milan. Seven stars! And yet it still has twin beds! Meanwhile, Ann draws an anime version of The Last Supper on a napkin and she and Jane celebrate with vodka and Chinese food. That sounds like a pretty good evening, too.
The photo shoot for the week is kind of a video shoot. It's called a motion editorial, and the idea is that it is photos brought to life. Or, a video. It requires just a little bit of acting, and quite a bit of directing from none other than Miss Tyra Banks. She asks for hard-core sexuality, pain and fear and tells the girls that they'll be outfitted in some beautiful couture, courtesy of Vogue Italia stylist Valentina Serra. The girls must writhe around in wedding-ish gowns to start off, then whip their hair up and down, and then sport menswear, and then whisper their own names, and then deliver the line, "What's your beauty?" while making sweet love to a bush. Ann even flashes a boob. Chelsey delivers a surprisingly good performance. Jane is stunning, but once again there's limited emotion behind it. Ann looks crazy, but the judges love it. Kayla's is the most realistic, and she looks really gorgeous. Franca thinks that Kayla is beautiful, but will only work for some photographers. This is apparently a positive. Ann's name is called first at judging, much to Chelsey's chagrin. But Chelsey isn't sad for too long, because she's also a finalist and will join Ann in a Roberto Cavalli fashion show. Kayla and Jane take it all in relative stride. In fact, Jane seems to be a little relieved. The real news of the hour is the premiere of "Modelli Folli," translated as "Model Madness," Tyra's motion editorial directorial debut. Hold out for the moment when Ann's hair appears to eat her head!
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Previously on Top Model: The girls fell apart on Milanese go-sees, but Chelsey's past experience and terrific initiative in going to two go-sees instead of one like everyone else ensured her challenge victory. The girls were transformed into bird-shit receptacles slash statues for an artsy photo shoot, and Jane crumbled under the pressure. Her lack of personality continued to be a problem, while for personality-filled Chris it was the lack of focus that was a problem and led to her elimination. Only four bitches remain! And only one will appear on the pages of Italian Vogue.
Milan! Statues! Street bands with accordions! And the top four bitches riding in a bus back to their apartment. Excitement abounds. Jane reminds us that Tyra saw a crack in the robot that she is at panel. Tears were involved, naturally. This week, Jane is determined to show the judges that she has personality and to rise to the top of the pack. Ann says that she hardly knows anything -- still! -- but she's really trying to study. Chelsey, ever the Ann-hating martyr, says that she lives in Idaho, and there's more fashion in Ann's home state of Texas than there is in Idaho. Ann actually gives a "Bitch, please," look that I love and want to bottle. It's well deserved. Chelsey's been getting a bit of a hag edit this season, in absence of true bitchery. The problem is that she's not really outlandishly awful, and so it all just comes off as irritating rather than entertaining slash terrible. And her continued insistence on going after Ann of all people is like repeatedly pinching a kitten. Leave the kitten alone! We like her!
Chelsey tells us that the competition is getting very intense very quickly and Ann is just coasting through it. And really, that's Ann's good fortune. Back in the bus, Chelsey continues to lecture Ann by saying, "If you're passionate about it, you make time." A super chill Ann interviews, "Chelsey is steppin' up her game. So I've gotta step up my game, I guess. Heh heh." In the bus, Chelsey continues that she saves up money to buy "The Vogue." Her parents won't buy it for her because it's too expensive. Well, yeah, she's 22, and cobbling together the $15 for a subscription to Vogue should actually be an achievable goal. God. Chelsey interviews that before this competition she was indeed planted in Idaho like a sprouting potato, and there's not so much going in on terms of the fashion world. But pursuing a career in high-fashion is what she's been doing all this time, and all that she's ever wanted to do. I thought she lived in L.A. for a while? Isn't that where she racked up all this experience that she talks about all the time? I feel like you can't say that you're so experienced at go-sees AND at the same time say that you had to, like, sell a hog to get a subscription to Marie Claire.
Chelsey is , and if there's one thing she knows how to do, it's talking about herself. She tells Franca that she's been pursuing modeling for a few years now, and has worked a bit in New York and L.A. She points out her Carolina Herrera photo, and her drag queen photo shot by Matthew Rolston. Franca doesn't seem impressed one way or the other, which I guess is kind of her shtick.
Ann is , and tells us that her strategy is to try to speak up and even scream. She can get away with this because her scream is a choked whisper. For normally-voiced humans, I would go a different room. She tells Franca that she's 19, and that her attempts to model in her hometown of Dallas never worked out because she's so tall. Ann is confused as to whether she should talk, or just let Franca look through her portfolio. She seems to opt for the latter, and tells us that she's not sure if Franca hated her. Franca seems nonplussed, per usual. I think she's not as quick to hate as Anna Wintour would be.
Jane is , and tells Franca that it's an honor to meet her. She announces that she is from Baltimore, and only started modeling in this competition. Impressing Franca is a big thing, and Jane tells us that other than getting into Princeton, modeling is the biggest thing she's ever wanted in her life. She thinks she did an okay job with Franca, but there were moments when she stuttered over her words. I'm guessing she probably came of as pleasant, pretty, and dull per usual. But to be fair, none of the others seemed to burn down the world with their personalities, either.
Franca and ALT talk about how the girls did. Kayla is very pretty, according to Franca, but she says that if you want to go on you should really have more character. "Character" is the Italian word for personality. Chelsey has strong character, and seems to have the temperament to be in the business. ALT was impressed that Chelsey made the effort to talk about herself and her modeling experience. "The tall tall tall one" -- that's Ann -- is interesting in the pictures, according to Franca. ALT quickly jumps in to agree, because Ann is his favorite. He says that she's in fact the most interesting in pictures, and really comes alive. However, Franca points out that she's very shy. ALT says that you can be shy and still be successful. There's no way that Ann is losing this thing given how strongly ALT is gunning for her. Jane is pretty, but Franca doesn't know if she has enough character in her face to become a model. Even her face is bland! Poor Jane, no wonder she's having an identity crisis.
ALT lets Franca get back to work and meets with the girls outside to announce the winner. The prize for this one is a doozy -- a private viewing with ALT of The Last Supper. The winner will get to pick a friend to accompany her, and the two will get to spend the night in a deluxe Milan hotel. Jane reminds us again that she's a history major, and says that she really wants to see the painting. And the girl whose personality impressed Franca the most is...Chelsey. Chelsey is understandably excited, and chooses Kayla to share in her prize. Ann is frustrated once again by her inability to project herself. She tries to work on it, she says, but doesn't seem to get any better. She and Jane ride the bus back to their tiny apartment in silence.
Meanwhile, ALT puts an even more giant cloak over his cloak -- cloak layers are important when you're in the sweltering Italian summer -- and takes the girls to see some DaVinci. As they look at it, ALT asks the girls what they feel. Chelsey says that she's Catholic, and her family is very Catholic, so there's some resonance for her. She starts to cry, but I think it's more because she's ruminating on how awesome she is. In a tearful interview, Chelsey says that she's worked really hard and for a really long time to get there. That's totally an interview that was filmed after she loses in the finals. There's too much crestfallen misery for it to be anything else.
Back in the Milan apartment, Ann and Jane decide to have a party of their own featuring Chinese food and vodka. It actually looks like a lot of fun. They view in amazement a napkin upon which Ann has drawn an anime version of The Last Supper that's pretty great. Underneath it all, however, they are sad that they're not having a pimping, real art-seeing day in Milan. Chelsey and Kayla, meanwhile, check into a big-time luxury room. They look out of their window and discover that Gucci is right across the street. Somehow, their luxurious room still has two twin beds pushed together. A waiter brings the girls champagne and treats and announces that the place they're staying, which I think is called The Galleria, is the only seven-star hotel in Europe. Kayla yells out, "I've only ever heard of five!" She and Chelsey toast to themselves, and to hopefully being the top two.
Back at the apartment, there is Tyra Mail: "Movement creates energy. Tomorrow you'll be models on the move. Love, Tyra." Ann and Jane emote the hell out of that Tyra Mail as they read it aloud, and then high five. The day, Ann and Jane pick up Chelsey and Kayla at their fly hotel, and the bragging commences. Jane seems unimpressed that they didn't even get massages, and then says, "You got really practical prizes." So jealous! Kayla points out that seeing The Last Supper isn't exactly practical. She and Chelsey give each other annoying looks, and Ann tells us that they're getting really competitive. It makes Ann uncomfortable, but at the same time she's like, "Bring it." It's my favorite Ann interview moment yet! So great. Ann then points out that she did get top photo five times in a row, and a silent "Bitches" lingers.
The girls arrive at another crazy mansion, this time in Verona. Jay Manuel greets them and notes that Verona was the setting of Romeo and Juliet, which is appropriate since the girls will be doing just a little bit of acting today. Everything that they've learned throughout the competition will be put to the test, which makes it only fitting that after today's shoot two girls will be eliminated. Jane, ever the scholar, tells us that two out of four is 50%, which means the chances of staying are significantly reduced. It's a make-it-or-break-it moment, and we head to commercials.
When we return, Jay tells the girls that they need to bring their A-game to the table. This is especially true because none other than Miss Tyra Banks is on hand, braless and free, to announce a first for her and the girls. She will be directing the girls in what is called a motion editorial. A lot of fashion houses are bringing their photos to life, she says. In other words, this is a video. Kayla tells us that she's just starting to master still photographs, so to have a motion editorial thrown at her is kind of nervewracking. Tyra asks for hard-core sexuality, pain and fear, which the girls will display while wearing some of the most beautiful couture in the world. Chelsey wants to kick ass, impress Tyra, and make her proud.
Tyra introduces the girls to Valentina Serra, who is the stylist for today's motion editorial and also for Vogue Italia. Her assistant is Francesca Berardi. The girls get outfitted in ensembles by Roberto Cavalli and other top designers, as Tyra gives her feedback. Kayla tells us that the situation was a little bit of a bummer, because a lot of the dresses that she liked were too big for her and were then given to Ann or Jane. Tyra brings the girls in their first set of outfits to a great hall, and tells them that she wants a bit of an Alice in Wonderland vibe -- like they're thirteen years old and discovering this ornate place for the first time. Given that they are discovering this place for the first time as well as the fact that most models are actually thirteen, this doesn't seem like much of a reach.
Chelsey is first, and Tyra yells instructions to her as she moves around and looks crazy. Tyra cuts, and tells Chelsey not to leave her mouth gaping like a codfish. She's putting the sense of wonder in her mouth as opposed to her eyes. Chelsey tells us that the whole thing was awkward at first, but as she kept going it got more fluid and natural. Tyra yells, "Now I'm coming to get you! I'm coming to get you! Ragh!" while doing a monster crawl that is straight out of my nightmares. Ann watches Chelsey, and says that she's her biggest competition. Ann hasn't been doing well lately, and so wants to bring a lot of energy to this shoot. She looks surprisingly natural in her first shoot, and Tyra loves what she's doing. Jane is , and says that it was great to work with Tyra. She's also happy that Tyra finally got a taste of her personality, such as it is. Tyra directs, and Jane looks totally gorgeous. She says that, while the other girls have plenty of assets, she's shown that she can improve in a very short period of time and really wants to be America's Top Model. Her shoot seems to have gone well. Kayla stands in the doorway by the balcony, then has to walk from inside to outside as she is filmed. She says that she's won two best photos in a row, so thinks she's toward the top of the competition at the moment. Her performance in the first part of the motion advertorial causes Tyra to give orgasm screams, which also has to be good news.
There is a costume change, and the motion editorial continues. Ann wears a sequined tube dress and whips her hair back and forth, she whips her hair back and forth. Tyra loves how Ann worked her shoulders, and Jay loves the whip-boom-boom-snap of Ann's head. It was a magic moment, he says, Tyra then sits in a chair and shows Chelsey how to flip her head like she's in Flashdance. Jane does the same thing, as do Kayla and Ann. If only a bucket of water were suspended above them and they could truly be maniacs, maniacs on the floor, hair flipping like they've never flipped before. Daylight is running out, so the girls rush to get themselves in menswear and walk down a balcony. Tyra tells us that Jane, who has a stiff walk, has trouble conveying any type of emotion and is hanging on to the handlebars of control. Ann also has a stiff walk, and Tyra tells her to just work the weirdness. That's actually really good advice for Ann. Tyra's direction consists of, "Just weird! Stop! Stop! And turn! And weird! And yes! There ya go!" "Stop, turn and weird" is the new "Stop, drop and roll," but for being on fire metaphorically.
Chelsey is to walk on the balcony in full Chita Rivera glory. She does a fine job. Once she's finished, the girls get a tight shot with their face covered in netting. They have to whisper their names to the camera, because they've run out of other dumb things to do. Oh wait! No they haven't! The girls rush to some giant nearby bushes, and for a minute it kind of looks like the maze from The Shining. If only, man. Maybe they'll have to pose with a furry in an assless bear costume. The models are instructed to ask the girl who will theoretically be watching this motion editorial, "What's your beauty?" And then make sweet rotating love to the hedges. Ann gets so into it that she flashes everyone. Kayla does a final spin, and it's a wrap! Tyra rolls around on the ground, because she's insane.
The girls take the bus back to their apartment and talk about how exhausted they are. Ann has no idea if she did well today. She thinks that she did, but others might still think that she's awkward. Chelsey, who has some ill-advised tats, says that she let her personality shine through today, and now is totally freaking out. However, she's feeling pretty confident that she's in the top two. Jane thinks that having some face time with Tyra probably helped her, while Kayla thinks she did a fine job but is freaked out that two girls are going home. Her nerves are wracked, and she doesn't want to go back to the tough neighborhood she comes from, where sleeping bags count as beds. Commercials.
When we return, we're backstage pre-panel. Tyra hates her red outfit, and so decides to change. She comes out in a rather slinky dress, and Franca gives her approval. As Tyra hoists up her bosom, we fade into the girls' entrance. There are prizes, there are judges. Franca Sozzani is the guest judge. Chelsey is first to have her motion editorial reviewed. She looks aged and cross-eyed, per usual. However, Nigel loves it. He says he hasn't seen this diversity in any of her pictures. Franca says that Chelsey's performance is surprising, in a good way. When she met Chelsey previously, she didn't realize that she could perform like that in front of the camera. Tyra was very impressed with Chelsey and loved the rock poses she was doing. What Chelsey has to be cognizant of is what to do with her arms and body, as evidenced by her awkwardness in the initial great room portion of the editorial. She needs to not freak out when she doesn't know what to do.
Jane is , looking adorable yet prepubescent in a romper. She looks totally gorgeous in her motion editorial, and her teeth can really handle a close-up. Nigel says that the camera loves Jane, but the fluidity and believability don't work for him. Franca says that Jane is too much concerned with being and appearing beautiful. ALT agrees, saying that it's like Jane is editing herself in the frame. However, Tyra thinks that Jane was absolutely stunning, and her face is strong enough to stand out even when it is covered by hair that has whipped back and forth. Jane was memorable, finally, and that's a good thing.
Ann is up , and ALT commends her for finally embracing her extravagant uniqueness in a white corset and black ruffled shirt. He'd actually want to take her to a party. Not quite as fabulous as being hung in his salon, but still cool. Ann's motion editorial features her collapsed and crying on a balcony. Dramatic! Franca tells Ann that, although she seemed terrified at their earlier meeting, she's very photogenic and good in front of the camera. Nigel tells her that her head was very high in some of the shots, and if she'd angled it down it would have worked. Tyra loved Ann's shoulder whip, but doesn't love her crunk walk. She tells her to practice it and work to develop something perky and signature. Perky?
Finally we have Kayla. So pretty. Nigel says that, out of all of the motion editorials, hers was the most believable performance. A director looks for that. Franca says that Kayla is photogenic in a certain kind of way, but only for some photographers. She says that this is a positive, and Tyra goes on to explain that Franca doesn't like cookie-cutter girls, and it would take a top photographer to truly capture Kayla's beauty. She could then become the big thing. ALT says that Kayla was stunning in certain instances, but has to grow into more confidence. Tyra tells Kayla that she's a chameleon, but has to really watch her angles and know where it hits right, and where it doesn't. With that, the judges are ready to deliberate, and Tyra drops that the two survivors will be walking in a Roberto Cavalli fashion show. Roberto Cavalli presents Ghost Brides!
The judges deliberate. Chelsey was sexy, believable, and raw. Franca says that she really wants to be a model, and want to please people. You can tell by the effort she put into her bush-molesting motion. Tyra says that Chelsey gave her face, which is a good thing. Jane looks incredibly beautiful and very sexy. ALT thinks that Jane had some beautiful moments, but needs to be taught how to express. Tyra points out that Jane has a big ol' million dollar face, and is the type of girl who can go far. Nigel is amazed that Ann can do sexy, and Tyra loved her intensity. ALT says that there is some superpower pushing Ann, and a force of nature that's propelling her. Everything was big on Kayla, which I guess is somehow Kayla's fault. ALT isn't sure that Kayla is high fashion, but suggests that they should give the girl a script. Franca says that, judging by the video, Kayla can model. Nigel notes that they've seen Kayla have some best-of-week photos, and that she is what they call in Italy "particular." This means special. The judges are particular too, aren't they? They've reached a decision.
Four beautiful girls stand in front of Tyra, but she only has two photos in her hands. And those two photos represent the two girls that are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. And the first girl who will make it to the finals and walk in a Roberto Cavalli fashion show is...Ann. Ann looks totally shocked, and Chelsey is pissed. Tyra tells Ann that she blew her away in the motion editorial, and should continue doing what she's doing. Chelsey, Kayla and Jane step forward. The judges appreciate Chelsey's love for and knowledge of fashion. She brings the passion, which is inspiring. But, though her pictures have been really good, they're not kick-ass. So her past experience hurts her, because if she's been modeling that long, she should be stronger. Then there's Kayla. She's different and interesting, and a photographer like Steven Meisel could scoop her up and create beautiful imagery. However, Kayla hasn't mastered her body or the angles of her face. And finally there's Jane. She started the competition with pretty pictures and a big gorgeous face. However, she lacked personality. Jane was forgettable...until yesterday. Tyra hasn't seen someone who looked so great while covered in hair since Cousin Itt. She wants to buy whatever Jane is selling.
So who is in the running? It's Chelsey. And, I mean, boo. She cries as Tyra tells her that she's come a long way. Tyra was very inspired shooting Chelsey, and the judges have looked at her body of work and said that she has what it takes. Tyra tells Kayla that she has something very special, and that both Franca and ALT suggest that she act as well. Kayla is upset that she didn't make it to the top two, but she's happy that she's come so far. I'm happy that her crazy curly blonde hair only lasted for one episode. Remember that? Kayla is going to go home and kiss and hug her girlfriend like she never has before. She wanted to win this really badly, but is proud of who she is, and is repping her community. Kayla's going to keep going and going, she says. I am quite sad that it's not Kayla in the final two, but hopefully she'll be able to get some work after this.
Tyra tells Jane that though she's proud of the images they captured in the motion editorial, she needs to push through more. She needs to get signed with an agency, test test test, and then make a splash. Tyra predicts that Jane will make a lot of money. Jane is disappointed, but proud that she's come this far. She entered this competition wanting to pursue modeling, but she's exiting it as a model. And judging from the feedback she's received, she thinks she could have a career. Graduating from Princeton is not up for debate, but she has some flexibility about the year when she does it. Gather ye rosebuds and ye cash while ye may, young 'un. The books will wait.
And with that, we get the debut of the fully edited motion editorial. It is entitled "Modelli Folli" (translated as "Model Madness") and is like the "Shake Ya Body (Body)" of motion editorials. It also lasts forever. I don't know what else I can say, except that the gargoyles are giving spectacular face. Also: redrum. Directed by Tyra Banks!
week: Clip show! And the week after that: Ann wins. I mean, right?