It's the Top Model finale! And there are very few surprises. We follow the traditional format, with the final three first shooting a Cover Girl commercial and then an ad for some new sort of staining lip gunk. Aminat manages to be the most natural in the commercial and even incorporates a winning shoulder shrug but, per usual, she has no idea what to do with her face in a still photograph. Allison recoups well from her commercial debacle and does a fine, if not stellar, job talking in front of the camera. Her ad turns out great, and her lips provide a really lovely palate. And then there's Teyona. The bravado and confidence of the past several weeks comes to an abrupt halt as she has a total breakdown while shooting her commercial. She does, however, recover well enough to take a stunning photo for the ad. At judging, Aminat's run finally comes to an end as she is given the penultimate ax. At least she'll have the comfort of looking impossibly hot in her last few moments on the show.
Allison and Teyona, our final two, then compete in a swimwear fashion show for Rosa Cha, who is actually a little bald guy not named Rosa Cha. Brazil! Nuts! In their first pass, they have to wear giant wings and odd-sized top hats. Allison surprises the judges by not being absolutely horrible, while Teyona mostly lives up to relatively high expectations. On the second pass the girls have to add a little samba to the mix, and Allison impresses everyone by getting a little bit of groove on in response to dancing audience member Miss J. And then there's the third pass. The ladies don't actually walk the runway, but rather slither around on it while slathered in what appears to be motor oil. I guess it makes as much sense as "ghost brides." Teyona literally loses her weave in the process, so decides to use it as a prop. This tactic might have been more successful were it not for the one strand that remained connected to her head. Though it's a tight competition, things play out as predicted and Teyona is named America's Top Model, leaving Allison to go home and work on that nosebleed.
Previously on America's Top Model: Thirteen aspiring models came to New York City and began their journey toward becoming America's Top Model. Along the way there was gorgeousness and glamour. There were also glaring errors. And how! And, don't forget, Clay Aiken appeared in what was surely the seventh sign of the apocalypse. But three girls have survived it all, and tonight one of them will be named America's Top Model, spend about two weeks filming My Life as a Cover Girl commercials, and then fade into the ether before showing up on some sort of VH1 show with "celebrity" in the title. Will it be Aminat? No. No it will not. No matter how much we're told that her body is amazing. Will it be Allison, they shy girl from New Orleans who looks like an actual doll and might one day punch Tyra in the nose just for the fun of it? We can hope. Or will it be Teyona? Probably. She's taken good photos all along, even with her denture cream smile.
It is morning in Sao Paulo, and there's a Tyra Mail ready to greet the girls. It says, "Be on point tomorrow or you can kiss this competition goodbye. Love, Tyra." There is another brown envelope containing -- you guessed it -- scripts. Yes, everybody, they're doing Cover Girl commercials! I'd really advocate for them to change the format for the last episode and make the final three do something like, I don't know, cage fighting to determine who will go on to walk in the final runway show. But my dream is not to be. We get a quick shot of the so-called "script," which actually has eleven lines. And most of these aren't even full lines. There is a phrase in Portuguese, which means "read my lips." You know what's connected to the lips? The throat, and Aminat says there's pressure on hers right now. Because Teyona is trying to strangle her to ensure victory? No, friends, it's because she's the underdog and doesn't have room to mess up. She's prepared to know the script like the back of her hand. As the girls get ready for bed Teyona does a little "Easy, breezy, beautiful," dance. She's overwhelmed and excited to be part of the bottom three. As she and Aminat continue to clown, Allison tells us that she's more of a quiet one. That's why her weave has to be so loud. She adds that she's so close now that it would be a shame not to win, so she's planning on giving anything and everything that she's got to make sure she lands at number one.
The girls roll up to a set where Jay Manuel is waiting for them. He asks, "Who wants to be a Cover Girl?" This would be an awesome time for one of them to express a desire to shill for a higher-end product, but alas it does not happen. Today the girls will prove if they can be a Cover Girl with a commercial and a photo shoot. The print ad that the eventual winner shoots today will be a national ad, and will be featured in Wal-Mart stores across the U.S.A. So pop open a Diet Dr. Thunder and gaze upon it for strength as you try to escape the million screaming children and wayward shopping cart obstacle course. Oh, and then McKey is there. She lurches over in her usual way and talks in her boring way about Cover Girl products, cracking herself up at the internal rhyme "smudge or budge" that ends her soliloquy. Jay tells the girls that this is all about delivering their personality. What if their personalities are dull like McKey's? Technicalities.
The girls get made up with Cover Girl product backstage as McKey tries to pretend that she gives a care about the Cover Girl lip product they're selling, which looks like a pink highlighter. Weird. Aminat is first to give her commercial a go, and her hair looks absolutely lovely. She tells us again that she has to be on her A++ game, and doesn't have room for any mistakes. The camera rolls as Aminat reads her first line, "Colorful, original, but never one to get in a sticky situation. That's new Outlast Lip Stain from Cover Girl." Jay cuts, then tells Aminat that having a modicum of expression in your face is actually a good thing. She's normally very expressive in her face and speech, so Jay requests that she not give him Botox-ville, even though he totally just bought a timeshare there. When Aminat continues, she's much better as she tells us that this is not lipstick, but magic in a marker. Mmm, Mr. Sketch blueberry was magic in a marker. I'm getting dizzy just thinking about it. Jay tells Aminat that she did a good job, and she clearly feels like she nailed it. The intonation was there, the excitement was there, and the energy was there, according to Jay. However, she totally forgets to work from the eyes up. Eh, I think forehead muscles are overrated. Aminat's photo shoot is . Photographer Jim DeYonker, who at this point needs no introduction, says that Aminat is friendly, beautiful, tall and thin. Yeah, nothing going for her, that one. Jim thinks she has potential but needs to mature as a model.
Allison is up, looking lovely and fresh on set. She reminds us that she was the absolute worst at the last Cover Girl commercial shoot, so is really scared. Allison delivers her first line relatively competently, then stops a minute and just blinks her eyes like one of those weird plastic babies with three faces and a rotating neck. She grasps for her lines, then apologizes and Jay cuts. He asks her if she totally forgot the script, and she says that she did for the moment. Allison interviews that it's very strange to know something through and through, then draw a blank when you get on camera. She takes a minute, starts over, then continues her tale of magic in a marker. If nothing else, I think Allison can use the lip strain marker to simulate a bloody nose. When she finishes Jay exclaims, "Brava!" and tells her that it rolled off of her tongue and was great. However, to us, he says that even though this was a huge improvement from her first commercial, he's not convinced that she's ready to move on and be a real cover girl. Who's talking about being a real cover girl? Allison has her photo shoot, and Jim says that she has a great face with big eyes and big lashes. He says it's a bit of a Bettie Page look, which I hadn't thought of before. Maybe her pin-up qualities are where that random sexiness that she busts out every so often comes from.
Finally, there's Teyona. She says that she needs to rock at anything she does, because any little flaw or mishap could potentially send her home. And Teyona does not want to go home. She gets on set and looks lovely, though it's just struck me that her bone structure is akin to none other than the Snow Miser's. Throw a weave on that guy and they'd practically be twins. Teyona is not having so much luck with the lines. Jay cuts, and tells her that she's just spitting the words out because she's so caught up in her nerves. She also has the biggest plastered on smile, and it's making me nervous. Teyona told Jay earlier in the day that she made up a song with her lines. He asks her to sing it. Sadly, it does not contain the line, "I'm too much." The song is horrible, and Teyona can't even remember the lines when she's singing it, and eventually she has a total mental crack. She puts her hands on her head and starts to cry. Jay asks her what's wrong, and she tearfully says, "I can do this but my nerves are just..." As those ellipses sink in for a moment, we head to commercials.
When we return, Teyona's mental break continues. She tearfully interviews that, coming into the shoot, she was nervous but still felt confident. Now her confidence is shot and she gets to experience what all the other girls felt after two weeks on this show. She admits that her nerves got the best of her, and it was bad. With a few takes left, Jay tells Teyona that she can make this work. Teyona does manage to get her lines out without too much flubbing, but looks totally demented while doing so. Maybe this is the unusual beauty of which Tyra so often speaks. Jay instructs her to leave this little breakdown behind her as she heads to the photo shoot. He is confident that Teyona can deliver a photo. Indeed, she looks lovely and Jim says that she had great spark and energy on set. She was fun to work with, and that's a plus. With that, we are done Cover Girling for the moment.
Back at the house, there is Tyra Mail. One-third of this bunch is not going to make it to the second half of the episode. Aminat interviews that today she worked, she was prepared, and she was good. In fact, she says, she was better than good -- she was freaking phenomenal. I mean, I might pause at "pretty good," but let's not interrupt her personal narrative. Aminat believes that she will be one of the finalists. Allison interviews that things are getting very close, and she's nervous to see how her commercial and photo turned out. Teyona is still very emotional, and interviews that she feels like she let herself down. She was no kind of spokesperson. In fact, she was not even Star Search spokesmodel quality. She sobs that this is everything to her, and then has a full on bawling mental crack. It's pretty painful to watch.
And speaking of painful to watch...it's Tyra! She welcomes the girls to panel with an ominous, "And then there were three." Tyra tells the girls that this is the most gut-wrenching part of the season before noting that the two finalists will get to walk in a fashion show for Rosa Cha Designs, which is apparently a swimwear line. Ooh, who will get to wear the eye patch bikini bottom on the catwalk? Seriously, Brazilian swimwear designers, why do you do that to us? I just want swimwear that covers three quarters of my butt cheeks and my pubic hair. Is that too much to ask? In any case, the guest judge for the week is Amir Slama, designer for Rosa Cha. He is, like, this little dumpy bald guy. Now I see where the crotch patch mentality comes from. Well played, sir. After Tyra announces the two finalists, they'll go straight to their Seventeen cover try. Ooh! I just got a little burst of glee that we haven't had to face Ann Shoket yet, followed by a burst of dread that she'll likely appear on screen within the four minutes. Drat.
Before the girls get their individual critiques, we see the full, edited Cover Girl commercial, which is destined to never air anywhere else ever again. I am still squicked out by the thought of painting my lips with a marker. I just can't imagine that it would end well. Teyona is up first, and her best take is pretty dreadful. A bug totally tries to fly in her mouth and stop the horror, but it does not succeed. As Teyona says, "This is not lipstick, it's magic with a marker," she twitches like Ramona from The Real Housewives of New York City, which is to say that she twitches like a crackhead. And seriously, did you guys SEE the two-part reunion? Holy crow! If anyone has the unedited seven hours of footage and wants to send it to me, my email is potesypotes@gmail.com. I will give you my mailing address and my first born. Don't call me crazy eyes! Where was I? Oh yes, lip stain. Teyona's terrible commercial. Miss J. says that she's making him use Top Model profanity, which is a series of murmurs. Nigel asks Teyona what happened, and she says that her nerves got her and starts to cry model tear droplets. Paulina tells Teyona that it was clear she was so nervous and suffering so bad. Tyra says that when you're nervous, you have to cover as if you're not messing up. In other words, act like an idiot crackhead and all will be well. Check, and check. Have your mental break with happiness! Teyona's photograph, meanwhile, is gorgeous. Nigel compliments her on her beautiful eyes and her ability to connect. Tyra says that the photo is the epitome of smiling with your eyes, and that if you looked up "smiling with the eyes" in the dictionary, you'd see that photo. Someone get the OED on the line. Tyra adds that Cover Girl has transitioned from super sweet bubbly smiles to more sultry pictures with an element of sweetness, and she thinks that Teyona has captured that.
up is Allison. Her best take is pretty good, I think, if a bit stiff. The judges say it's okay, not bad, all right, which is something much different than good. Tyra tells Allison that she should try talking like a human being. She acts like she's some sort of authority on this, which I challenge emphatically. Paulina tells Allison that her voice was expressive, and she was compelled to listen to what Allison was telling and selling. And can we just take a moment here to note that Paulina totally got fired from the show? The only way I'm in favor of this development is if it means that Janice is coming back. If Ann Shoket becomes a permanent fourth judge, I'm done. DONE. In any case, Allison's still shot gets tempered compliments from the judges. To me, she looks a little buck toothed and crazy, but what do I know. Amir Slama says that Allison's photo is beautiful and also a little bit sexy. It's also an over the shoulder, which I think she has done for several of her photos. I'm surprised she hasn't gotten crap for that. Tyra tells Allison that she did such a good job. She can be a commercial model, which Tyra never would have guessed.
Finally, there's Aminat. I have to say that she looks absolutely gorgeous in a long, slinky black dress. She puts the other two to shame. Her commercial is pretty good, and the judges heap praise upon her. Tyra loves Aminat's cute little shoulder shrug, and says that that's how real people talk. I'm shrugging my shoulders right now as I type, in fact! I mean, technically I'm not actually talking, but whatever. Aminat's photo gets a lukewarm reception. Amir Slama says that she has more to put in the picture. Tyra tells Aminat that, as amazing as her commercial was to the judges, her film was "wah-wah." She still doesn't know how to control the muscles in her face, which I guess means that she hasn't been practicing the ear wiggling. Tyra is sad that Aminat's beauty hasn't been captured in a commercial way, because she has a versatile look. Aminat doesn't know how to harness her beauty, to her great detriment.
The judges deliberate. Teyona's photograph was beautiful, but her commercial was dreadful. Miss J., coming full force with the braintrust as always, says that maybe Teyona's strength is in pictures. Wherever did he get that power of critical deduction? Paulina says that Teyona is a wonderful one-dimensional model, but asks if America's Top Model is, in fact, one-dimensional. She's one and a half, I would say. Miss J. then holds up a picture of Allison and asks his fellow judges if they can imagine "this" in a Rosa Cha fashion show. Amir points out that Allison is not so tall. Really?!?! This is the first I've heard of shorty allegations! Nigel points out that Allison is the same height as Teyona, which Tyra believes proves her point that you can think yourself taller. Aminat is a beautiful girl, and very eye catching, which is a strong attribute for being a top model. Paulina says that Aminat has all the potential but hasn't yet learned how to properly photograph her face. Despite the toughness of their task, the judges have reached a decision.
Three beautiful girls stand before Tyra, but she only has two photos in her hands. And the first one goes to Allison! Crazy! She looks as if she might faint, which I think would be fun for her. Aminat and Teyona step forward. They are both beautiful. But Tyra has only one photo in her hand, of the person who is a finalist and will be stomping to the death in a Rosa Cha fashion show. The judges think that Aminat is stunning with a body to kill for. As the weeks went on her photos -- which started out in the dumps -- got increasingly better. What's more, her Cover Girl commercial was the strongest of all three girls. And then there's Teyona. She had strong pictures from the beginning and the judges unanimously voted her as having the best photo for three weeks. However, her mental crack made the judges very nervous. America's Top Model has to do commercials, which you know because you saw some poor girl Make a Wish and get McKey. So who stays? Teyona, duh. It seems all kinds of wrong to boot Aminat when she's looking so damn fine.
Aminat cries and gives Tyra a big hug. Tyra tells her that she's stunning, but has to master her face. Right now she has Novocain in the places where it shouldn't be. This means a whole lot of drooling. The only place that a face should feel like it's been Novocained is in the lips, but everywhere else should have tension and strength. Aminat hugs the two finalists, then interviews that this hurts because she wanted it so bad. She's thankful to have had the opportunity, but this is just the beginning for her. Of course it is. Aminat fades from the group photo without even a commercial break to buffer her. The one in third place always gets the shaft.
With that, and a big, retarded-sounding, "Welcome ladieeeeeees!" it's time for Allison and Teyona to meet up with Ann Shoket and do their Seventeen cover shoot. Ann, master of the obvious per usual, tells them that one of them is going to be America's Top Model. And with that title comes grave responsibility. Kidding! Rather, with that title comes the opportunity to be gazed upon by 13 million teenage girls. Shudder. Allison and Teyona head into hair and makeup, where they have curls galore and brightly colored ensembles. Both women are wildly excited to be in the final two, of course. Ann tells us that she has never witnessed such a tight competition for the cover of Seventeen. She adds, "It is a serious. Championship. Finale. Can someone please start a website called "Ann Shoket, shut the fuck up." Dot com. We see each girl's potential cover, and Teyona's is totally better.
And with that, it's final runway day! The girls meet Jay Manuel who is wearing an especially colorful shirt. He tells them that the Rosa Cha fashion show is going to be huge, and so they had to come to a huge location. The physical representation of Tyra's ego? No. It's something called, I believe, the Auditoria Y Bita Puera. At least I think that's what it's called. I tried Googling for the correct name, to no avail. The building holds a school of music for young people, and is also the home of the Brazilian Orchestra of the Auditorium. My middle school orchestra was of the auditorium as well. Jay says that the who's who of fashion will be at the runway show watching them, which is lies. But this is all a preface to the advice that they need to be sexy and stomp it out. To the death! Metaphorically, sadly.
The girls, along with McKey and some other models, get their makeup and hair done. Teyona says that it's D-day, it's do or die, so she needs to think positive and be confident with her walk. McKey asks Allison if she's excited or nervous or scared. Allison replies that she gets nervous about runway stuff, but at this point there's not much that she can do about it. She interviews that she has a very weak walk, but she's practiced a lot and gotten over feeling lame. With a bit of a disparaging face, she says that she can totally do it and she hopes it works out. Last minute details are put into place. Tiny hats are affixed to heads, bootys are tooched. Allison tells us that it's really important to do well because she's in the final two and everybody's watching. It's scary, but she needs to pull it together, stat. She actually seems oddly calm, which I think is good. Tyra comes backstage for a perfunctory visit. She hugs each of the girls and asks them if they're ready to do the Brazilian stomp. Teyona has feather wings, which I think lend themselves to stomping. Tyra says that she'll be watching, so they should make her proud. With that she sashays off, and it's time for the show to begin. Teyona interviews once again that she needs to rock everything she does, because anything that's not good or strong can get her sent home. With that, we head to commercials.
When we return, the show is about to begin. We get a glimpse of Fernanda Motta, supermodel and host of Brazil's Top Model, who will also be walking. Jay tells everyone to walk fast and strong. The amount of feathers in this show is truly staggering. I wouldn't be surprised if Big Bird stomped down the runway in a bandeau. Allison reminds us that this fashion show consists of all swimsuit attire. She's a bit panicky because she has to do a stellar job. And also is wearing a bikini in front of all of America. I mean, these girls have great bodies, but let's take a moment to feel for them. They've been put through the paces of humiliation week after week, and soon they'll be writhing around in car grease. Um, spoiler. They've been through a lot, and both of them seem like pretty lovely people, so they deserve a modicum of respect even though they chose to go on this show of their own free will. Allison and Teyona, we salute you. Now go to college. Teyona is also trying to stay calm. Let's hope she succeeds because that mental snap earlier was very uncomfortable to watch.
Finally, the stomping to the death commences. Tyra, Paulina, Nigel and Miss J. -- who is wearing a caftan in tribute to the late Bea Arthur -- walk down the runway and take their places in the front row. Then some folks do capoeira as rhythmic music plays. The audience claps politely. And then the show officially opens! McKey, in a sapphire one-piece swimsuit with black angel wings, is first down the runway. That bitch still cannot walk. And then there's Teyona, who is instructed by Jay to "make those wings work." I am totally going to shout that to the bluejays in the birdbath every morning. Teyona is wearing a white bikini with orange angel wings that make my TV go all crazy for a minute. Her walk is good, she looks very shapely, and she manages not to lose her tiny top hat. She tells us that their first walk is supposed to be hot and fierce, so she worked it as best as she could. Overall she thinks she did great. We get a bit of a bonus as Maira Vieira, winner of Brazil's Top Model cycle 2, heads down the runway. And then it's time for Allison! She sort of shimmies as she walks, and is not totally dreadful! Paulina and Tyra both agree that she looks awesome. And totally like a weird undead dominatrix ringmaster. I feel like that's her thing a little bit, so yay.
With round one over, the girls prepare backstage for round two. They have to change outfits and remove some feathers, and some of this involves an elevator trip. Oh, wait, there are more feathers! They are outfitted in big feathered headpieces, and Teyona tells us that they'll be samba dancing down the runway. And you know, at this point I said to myself, "Wow! This runway show is relatively normal! No crazy catwalks, no weird themes." In other words, Tyra fooled me. But we'll get to that in a minute. Teyona interviews that she told herself to find her soul and her rhythm. Sadly for her, it was lost in 1997 and she'll have to invent a time machine to go back and get it. Poor Teyona who can't dance.
A troupe of dancers opens the second pass, and then Teyona and Allison walk. Allison says that she can't dance, but improvised enough to figure out something. She has these little sashes hanging off of her bikini, so she twirls them around. She thinks her samba walk was pretty stellar. Those headpieces look like they came right out of a video for "Half Breed." Teyona stomps pretty well, though looks a bit severe and like she's marching. Miss J. acts a fool as each girl passes him on the runway, standing up and dancing with the makeshift feather headdress he's fashioned for himself from zoo birds. Teyona ignores him completely, but Allison engages and does a little shimmy. Tyra says that was cute. Fernanda walks and shows us all how it's done, and round two is over.
And then. Backstage, the girls are slathered in what appears to be motor oil. Seriously, all over their bodies. Jay Manuel warns them not to touch him. Allison says this is the final thing in the competition, and though whatever happens, happens, she wants this more than anything. Jay tells the girls that this is the big finale, so he wants energy. Maybe that's energy grease? And then. Teyona and Allison walk out onto the runway with some similarly greased up male models. Well, "walk" isn't really what they do. Rather, they crawl out and then writhe around on the catwalk in their own grease. W.T. Fuck? Is it the anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill? I mean, granted, it's no ghost brides. But we get absolutely no context for it, which I think indicates that they ran out of ideas and someone was like, "I don't know, there's a Lubio da Jiffica down the street." Allison interviews that she did feel sexy writing around on the floor, and says that it felt more like a live art installation than anything. Teyona starts writhing around so hard that she actually -- literally -- loses her weave! Ha! She decides to play with it, and so spins it around in the air. The one thing that prevents this from being fully successful is that there's one strand that's still attached to her head. It's pretty hilarious. And really, "I lost my weave" is a great saying. For example, "Girl, did you see The Real Housewives reunion? When Ramona told the Countess not to call her crazy eyes I almost lost my weave!" The girls writhe all the way to the end of the catwalk in their own greasy mess and blissfully the show has ended. They get a standing ovation for their efforts.
Backstage, Tyra tells both girls that they did really well. They're going to get cleaned up and re-weaved, and the time they see Tyra one of them is going to be named America's Top Model. Allison interviews that this long journey has come to an end, and she feels like she's come a long way. It's true.
And then we're at panel! Both girls have to stand there in swimsuits. Let the bitches put on a wrap, at least. You know that room is cold, too, because Tyra's going through The Change. There are prizes: a contract with Elite Model Management; a six-page spread and cover of Seventeen; and a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl. The judges don't even get introduced! Sorry, suckers. They're there, though. And there is no guest judge -- suck it, Ann Shoket! It is then time for critique. On the runway, Allison surprised Miss J. by coming through. Nigel was also surprised at how good her walk was. Tyra was shocked and amazed. She thought Teyona was going to kill Allison, and that Allison was going to be a buckeyed mess. But she wasn't! Victory. Teyona was amazing, according to Miss J., but that was expected. Well, shit on her for living up to high expectations. Jerk. Nigel tells Teyona that she has a good walk, but the problem for him was her body language. Tyra adds that she felt robotic at times, but really came to life when she put her hands on her hips.
And now it's time to review each girl's photo shoots. On the self-lighting shoot, Allison photographed well and understood what to do with her hand-held light. Tyra thinks that it seemed like she knew what her look was and was working it. Paulina says that Allison's picture was much better than Teyona's for the same week. Teyona's photo was a bit sad and stiff. Tyra says that Teyona has a certain passion and fire that can come out in a very simple shot of her, and so her photo was beautiful. I think Paulina got fired because Tyra wasn't able to colonize her brain, and thus Paulina continued the egregious offense of having her own opinion. We then look at the colored powder photo, where Allison was pink and Teyona was yellow. Paulina says that this photo made her realize how beautiful Teyona's face is and how extremely well it photographs. Nigel says that Teyona's photo was pretty and natural, while Allison's was more startling and weird than beautiful. He wondered if it was her one look, but Miss J. says that Allison stood out to him because of this look. Then there was the photograph with Ciara, which was one of Nigel's favorites for both girls. Allison specifically looked sexy and passionate, and was different than they'd seen her before. Tyra agrees, and says that it showed versatility. Teyona looks hot and gorgeous and powerful and strong, and Tyra says that she did a beautiful job. Then there was the Carmen Miranda shoot. Teyona's photo was the most editorial Nigel had seen her, and Tyra loved her take on Carmen Miranda -- sexiness and a cool chill. Allison looked like a 1950's pinup, and proved that she could look pretty. And then there was Tyra's bird nest photo. She says that she enjoyed photographing Allison more. She expected Allison to be a jittery mess, but she wasn't, and she nailed the shot in six frames. Nigel agrees that it's a stunning shot. Paulina thinks that Teyona looked beautiful and like a slightly caught off guard bird. Of course. However, Nigel says that she looks hunched and worried and that it wasn't her best photo. Tyra thinks that it was a stunning photo, but Teyona could have done more. Miss J. thinks he's amusing. One of these people is wrong.
Tyra tells the girls that they are neck and neck, and that it's going to be a difficult decision for the judges. She sends them off so the judges can deliberate. Tyra says that they have two very strong portfolios, two amazing models, and two very different and distinct looks. On the runway, Miss J. thought that Teyona was great but not as strong as she could have been. Allison, however, was great because she was unexpected. Paulina also didn't have high expectations for Allison, but Allison blew her away. Conversely, she expected a lot from Teyona, but she ended up being merely satisfying. Nigel agrees, and says that though Teyona was the best walker, Allison was the most improved walker. Tyra loved Allison's playfulness on the runway as she engaged with the "Miss J. thing." Teyona did not engage. On the oil slick, Allison showed cute, sweet sex appeal, but Teyona won Tyra's heart as she crawled on the runway with her weave hanging by a strand. Nigel likes both girls for different reasons, and says that they have both shown huge transformations. Miss J. agrees, but adds that one of them wants it a little bit more, and that is Teyona. But he loves Allison because she'd be amazing on an international level. Paulina says that Allison has traveled further, from little stiff weirdo robot to hottie pterodactyl bird owl. As for Teyona, she's a great photo model but Paulina wonders if she has personality outside of the picture. Tyra says that it was difficult to choose Teyona's photos, because her face photographs very long. However, this works with high fashion photos. Paulina loves Teyona's honesty and accessibility. Nigel thinks that Teyona deserves to be there and has been consistently good from week to week. And with that, the judges have reached a decision.
Two girls clad only in bikinis stand before Tyra. They are truly the strongest two in the competition, she says. But the judges see a little something more in one of them. And with that, America's Top Model is...Teyona. I mean, I did think that Allison could take it for a minute, but overall this wasn't unexpected. Allison hugs her, then crosses her arms in front of herself and prays for a wrap. Teyona is thrilled and bawling, as Allison is sweet but subdued with tears in her eyes. Tyra tells her that she's had a transformation -- from weird girl to weird COOL girl. Wow, thanks, Tyra. She looks different, and it's special, and it made her a finalist on Top Model. Allison -- still in her bikini -- interviews that she wanted it and wanted it badly, but it's huge that she made it so far. What she's taking away from this means more than anything. She's super disappointed, but also really proud that she made it so far. And then Teyona does a photo shoot with Nigel and Tyra. She tells us that she's come from the little country streets of Lipscombe, New Jersey, where she played in cornfields and in the woods with boys. And now she's America's Top Model. Her hard work paid off, and it's amazing. Jay Manuel gives her a big hug, Nigel snaps some photos, and we're out. Tyra closes us down by saying, "Teyona came into this competition unaware of her modeling potential. I spotted this photogenic beauty with wind in the face when she was a diamond in the rough. But look at her now as she poses for her winner photo shoot with me. She's evolved into a precious gem. Congratulations, Teyona!"
And with that, another season has come to a close. May the wind be at your back, and in your face, I guess, and may your booty tooch without encouragement. Thanks for reading, all, and have a fierce summer!
Potes is going to be losing her weave all summer long! She can be reached at potesypotes@gmail.com.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see why vloggers Val and Beth think Tyra should accept even older models than Celia in TV is the Answer!