This week is all about modeling in front of a moving camera -- i.e., how to be a video ho. Or, according to teacher Tyra, a video model. Her master class sees the girls wearing nude leotards, much to the chagrin of retinas everywhere, and she imparts several important lessons to keep you on the correct side of the model/ho line. To wit, when you slide down a wall, your legs should be more or less closed, and when you crawl across the floor, you slide your knees rather than pick them up. It is a line as thin as one fine hair from Tyra's wig, but we have no choice but to go with it. There are a few recurring themes throughout the episode. The first is that Bianca really likes to talk trash about Heather. Her basic issue is that people baby Heather, and even the judges cut her a lot of slack and hold back on their criticism of her. Like all of Bianca's verbalizations, it's stank with a grain of truth. The second theme is that Chantal thinks she's really, really awesome. I mean, she thinks she's even awesomer than she previously told us, which is kind of hard to believe. The third theme is that this show has totally given Sarah body image issues. She's really down on herself, and feels too fat and too thin all at once. The girls get to put all of their new knowledge to use when they partake in a video shoot for Enrique Iglesias's new single. Lisa gets picked for a little feature bit, to the disappointment of the others. It's apparently because she's really tall and has the right look, and has nothing to do with any stripper skills she picked up along the way, because that would be ho-ish. The video's vampire theme also favors Heather, and so she gets a featured part as well. However, it all proves to be a bit too much for her, and after being on the hot and sweaty shoot all day with no food, she briefly passes out and requires some on-set medical attention. Some oxygen and a banana later, she's good to go. At panel, Lisa and Heather get kudos for their work, Ambreal is in the middle, much to her delight, and Jenah learns the lesson that she's not always perfect. However, it's Chantal and Sarah who are in the final two, with Sarah sent home to deal with her newfound eating disorder on her own.
Previously: the girls got all horny-like over male model Tyson Beckford, who taught them the fine art of selling popsicles and bananas via simulated fellatio. Ebony and Ambreal failed to impress at the photo shoot, so they wound up in the bottom two. And in a judging first, Ebony -- despite being selected to stay -- totally gave Tyra the metaphorical hand and decided to roll, giving Ambreal a second chance. Or, like, a fourth chance, given all the times she's in the bottom two. Eight bitches remain!
We enter with the girls riding home from elimination, discussing Ebony's departure. Bianca says she thinks that Ebony wanted to be there in the beginning, but then started missing family members. No, Tyra just broke her bony ass down. Saleisha says she's glad that Ebony did it, because if she had stayed another week it would have been a waste, and Ambreal, who really wants to be there, would have gone home. See, it really makes perfect sense. Team Ebony! Ambreal interviews that she's not supposed to be there. To paraphrase .38 Special, when Ebony makes the sound, "Aaah! Get me out of here!" Ambreal gets a second chance. She thinks the judges wanted to send her home because they lost faith in her, and she has to prove to them that she deserves to be there. Doesn't she say that every week, and pretty much every week she lands in the bottom two?
Back in the house, Sarah is having a hard time with the judges' criticism that her body type has changed. She says she doesn't know if she's too small or too big, and whether she should try to stay a plus-sized model or not. She says that sometimes, she just feels like she's wrong. And, sadly, not so wrong that she's right. Chantal interviews that Sarah is struggling. She doesn't feel good about herself, and isn't even pretending she does. This is the time when Sarah needs to start stress-eating, put on twenty pounds, and win the competition. There is a pot pie out there with your name on it, Sarah! If this were a live show, we could totally start a charity food drive to keep Sarah safe and send her fatty treats. I'm in for five pounds of bacon!
In the hot tub, Jenah tells Bianca, Ambreal, and Lisa that she thinks the four of them could do top five. Chantal, who is approaching the edge of the hot tub, does not seem to be included in this conversation, or the mythical "four," but this does not deter her from thinking that she's the bee's knobbly yet attractive knees. She tells the other girls that she doesn't have any doubts about herself. She confessionalizes that the other girls are great and are tough competition, but that she feels whereas they are lacking in certain areas, she has it all. And believe me when I tell you this is one mere ridge on the peanut butter cup that is Chantal's self-confidence. And while I'm all for a healthy self-image, I'm usually not a proponent of delusion and being annoying, so at the moment I can merely cock an eyebrow and wait for Chantal to get her comeuppance.
Heather approaches the hot tub and sticks her feet in. Lisa mumbles that she knows Heather's getting up there somehow. Bianca -- a bit more straightforward in her opinion -- says that Heather doesn't do anything and the judges f'ing love her. Speaking in the third person, as if Heather isn't actually sitting right across from her, Bianca says that Heather's face is already great, and that they just give her some eye makeup, and she basically just kind of sits there. Heather says that she doesn't just sit there, but Bianca counters, again in the third person, that she's never seen Heather do anything extraordinary with her face. No, but she can refer to a person as "you" when she's talking to her. Sheesh. Heather says that she does have to work as hard as the rest of the girls do. She interviews that she does have a natural beauty, but one thing that gives her an advantage is the fact that she's an artist and can visualize what the photo is going to look like before it's taken. She says that modeling isn't just making pretty pictures; it's making art with your body. This last bit ensures us that she's drunk Tyra's Sharkleberry Fin Kool-Aid, but I'm too pleased that she mentioned her natural beauty to give her a hard time about it.
Bianca reiterates that Heather does have a gorgeous face, and that she doesn't have to do as much. Lisa says she wishes she could be like that, and Jenah jumps in and says that Bianca has never seen Heather's film, so she can't make those claims. Bianca asks why everyone is always so protective of Heather, and Jenah says she's not, but that Bianca's being really argumentative. By argumentative, Jenah means "stank." Bianca interviews that everyone babies Heather, and that she refuses to be the person who treats her differently because Heather has a "disability" of some sort. How forward-thinking of Bianca to dole out equal-opportunity stank. The American Association of People with Disabilities is totally getting ready to feature her in its monthly newsletter. Bianca ends her interview by noting that Heather is kicking half of the other girls' asses. So, see, this really is not about not babying her, but rather about breaking her down. I'm glad that the other girls won't stand for it.
Tyra Mail! "This is why I'm hot, and this is why you're not...yet. Love, Tyra." Are the girls going to learn how to become portly pepperpots?
The girls arrive a studio of some sort, where they find seven nude-toned bodysuits and tap shoes. As they put them on, Sarah says, "Oh, these are not flattering." This, perhaps, is supposed to be evidence of her ongoing body issues, but is in actuality something that I like to call "the truth." In stomps Tyra -- not wearing the flesh-colored bodysuit, may I add. Gee, I wonder why she chose to wear a lot of black. As she pounds her cane on the ground, she stagily says, "You got big dreams? You want Top Model fame? Well fame ain't free, and right here is where you start paying...in heels!" Okay, first of all, it's "Fame costs." Second of all, I have seen Debbie Allen. And you, ma'am, are no Debbie Allen. Oh, Fame. I remember writing an essay in fourth grade all about how my goal in life was to go to a performing-arts high school like the one on Fame. And here I am recapping. See, dreams do come true. Tyra does manage to do a major leg extension, which is pretty impressive. At least we are led to believe it's Tyra. Since the shot is from the back, it could just be Miss J. wearing a wig.
Tyra tells the girls that today she's going to show the girls how to move and be sexy for a TV camera or a music video. She makes a "camera rolling" sign with her hands when she says "TV camera," and also says the words really slowly, which makes me think that one of the contestants is deaf and they're just waiting to unroll that for sweeps. Tyra says that she has a long history of this kind of work, and was in George Michael's "Too Funky" video as well as a Lionel Richie video. Which, first of all, "Too Funky" is totally the poor man's "Freedom 90." Second, the Lionel Richie song was apparently so well known that we wouldn't even recognize the name, so Tyra doesn't bother to tell us. Unless she was actually that blind chick sculpting a Lionel bust in "Hello" or is about to teach the girls how to dance on the ceiling, I'm not impressed. The girls, however, are really excited for this master class in video ho-dom.
Tyra first teaches the girls a sexy walk. It's like a runway walk, but sexier. Wait, wait, this is all too complicated for me! I don't know if I can keep up. Tyra tells the girls to have more eye penetration. This will be particularly difficult for Heather, who so far has only had eye oral. Tyra also tells the girls to look angrier and lift their knees a little higher. The whole group walks across the room sexily, angrily, and with eye penetration. It is kind of like a Beyoncé video, I have to say. The lesson is how to look sweet and coy, because sometimes in a video, the camera represents a boyfriend or a husband. What if you've been hired for a Melissa Etheridge video? Close enough, I guess. Tyra flirts for the mirror and says, "Stop! And hide! And go away!" I do that every week in front of the TV when this show is on. I guess I should replace my "rage" with "coyness." Chantal is a little too posey, and Tyra says that her man would think she's conceited. At the point of coy looks, Chantal's man would already know she's conceited. The girls all stand in front of the mirrors and coo and rub their own arms. It's kind of weird. Ambreal tells us that she has to work hard at being coy to prove herself. Ho hum.
, the girls learn the wall slide. This is when a girl sliiiiiiiiiides down the waaaaaaaaaall. But, lest you are concerned, the girls aren't doing the hoochie music video slide. Well, Tyra is, but just to demonstrate. They're doing the model slide, which is the same thing, except your legs are closed and your arms are up. Those are crucial differences. Jenah interviews that flirting and being sexy and controlling your body all at the same time is all pretty hard. Thank God the human race doesn't have to do an actual mating dance. Or, I guess I should say, that the Lambada craze was short-lived. The girls slide down the wall, and Tyra evaluates. Heather looks possessed rather than sexy. That seems like kind of a usual state for her. Lisa thinks she has sexy down, but then actually doesn't have enough leg strength to push herself back up once she reaches the nadir of her slide. She's like the Mr. Burns of video hos. Tyra says that this is a lesson to us all that even if you're modeling, it doesn't mean you're in shape. Yeah, because previously we all thought that models were the picture of health.
The girls then put on some knee pads and learn how to crawl along the floor. Here's a tip for you at home: act like you're cleaning the floors with your knees. Sex-ay! Someone should slap a Swiffer on those kneepads and begin a career as a millionaire inventor. You could market it to the busy, sexy woman who doesn't think she has time to both practice her music-video crawl AND clean her house. I'll take two! This should leave me with a bit of extra time to learn the proper wall slide technique, which should come in handy in staff meetings. Tyra tells us that the crawl is strong, not coy. The girls get evaluated on their crawls. Chantal looks like Quasimodo when she crawls, which I guess might work for a Céline Dion video. Maybe this means she is also the deaf one? And speaking of Céline, did you guys see the Oprah with Céline on it? I cried, like, three times. Twice because of the touching moments about fathers who have passed away, and once when Céline sang her cover of Heart's "Alone." I mean, it didn't take away my love for Céline, but I did have to push the mute button for a minute there. I had an ex who came up with the brilliant idea that Céline Dion should do an album of all Journey covers. Close your eyes and imagine it for a minute, then join my letter-writing campaign. "So now I cooooome to youuuuuu with ooooopen aaaaarms...nothing to hide, believe what I say [chest thump]." The world would collapse in upon itself, it would be so perfect.
Tyra thinks Chantal is working on a half tank of gas and isn't living up to her potential. Bianca holds back and is self-conscious, says Tyra. She also looks like she is crawling through the screen to kill me. Bianca interviews that she was having a hard time, but that Heather was a mess, and that she thought Tyra was going to go off on her. However, Tyra loves what Heather is doing. It's true that Heather looks like she's going to come through the screen and eat me, then do a zombie dance. Bianca is outraged that Heather can do no wrong as we head to commercials.
When we return, Tyra yells, "Crawl!" and the girls crawl. We hear again how frustrated Bianca is with Heather's relative perfection. To wit, Tyra says that Heather has a certain awkwardness that, when Tyra gives her notes, turns into magic. She enjoys Heather's dark, mysterious, Tim Burton-esque sexuality. Ah, that famous Tim Burton-esque sexuality. It's why I always want to get nailed to the wall by Beetlejuice. Tyra's final advice to the girls is this: "Remember...be beautiful. And use your loveliness." Wow, that's helpful. It's like "Ask not what your country can do for you," but for dumb-asses.
Back at home, Lisa steps on the scale and announces that she gained a whole pound. She's been intercepting our care packages for Sarah! HANDS OFF THE SAUSAGE, SKELETOR. Bianca asks Lisa what size she wears, and Lisa says she takes a 0 or a 3 -- it depends on the pants. Okay, first off, Jesus. She's, like, six feet tall. And second, Lisa would do well to stop shopping in the juniors department. I'm just saying. Sarah interviews that she's around really skinny girls all day, and that sometimes when she goes to bed at night she doesn't feel as good as she did when she woke up. Bianca announces that she's the biggest girl in the house, and Sarah tells her not to even play that game. Oh, the irony that Bianca said that to the girl who actually IS borderline plus-size. And seriously, Sarah doesn't even look very much bigger than Bianca. It sucks. Sarah interviews that the size thing is awkward and weird, and that she's sick of talking about it. Poor Sarah.
Tyra Mail! Okay, and this is a riot. Heather is the first to see the Tyra Mail. She stands there and stares at it for a minute, then yells, "Guuuuuys?" No one responds. She tries, "Guuuuuuuuys," again, and again there's nothing. Finally, she yells, "Tyra Mail!" and the girls all come running up the stairs. Heather is so weird. I love her. The Tyra Mail says, "Musicians love models. Do you have what it takes to share the spotlight? Love, Tyra." Well, if all we've heard so far is any indication, Sarah can't share the spotlight because there'd be no room for anyone else.
The girls arrive at a theater in Hollywood, where they are greeted by Jessy Terrero, who is a video director. He's accompanied by his assistant, Lisa Arianna, and producer Billy Parks. Jessy directed "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent, and some Enrique Iglesias song. He says that the girls are going to have the opportunity to be in a new video for an international and domestic star. All I can think about now is beer. One of the girls will get more of a featured role, but Jessy has to determine who that will be in conversation with the artist. The girls get their hair and makeup done and speculate on who the big famous artist is going to be. And then, they find out. It's Enrique Iglesias. Is Enrique in too deep? Has he lost his mind? Well he doesn't care, because the models are there tonight. The girls get their panties all wet again, kind of, but look a little bored, too. The girls make small talk with Enrique. He interviews that the girls are all very beautiful, but that what it really comes down to is personality and how they behave in front of the camera. Well, there's a camera on them right now, as there is all the time, and they're just standing there like tree stumps, so it's going to be a hard call. Te quiero, amor mio.
Oh, and have I mentioned that the girls are dressed like total whores? Like, whores on the streets of Cleveland. Sarah laments the fact that she's basically wearing holey netting, which is tough on a plus-sized girl. That thing she's wearing is tough on humanity. The girls sit and wait to hear who is going to get the featured part in the video. Chantal, of course, thinks it's going to be her. Jessy returns and lets us know that the song they'll be shooting the video for is called "Tired Of Being Sorry," and that it has a bit of a vampire theme to it. And is ghost-directed by Tim Burton. Not that any of this shows favoritism toward Heather. Jessy explains that they're looking for a gothic look, and they came down to picking...commercials.
Hey! It's Jaslene's My Life As A Cover Girl. She has a billboard in Times Square, and is using some eye shadow. Tyra has apparently not yet given her the Eliza Doolittle treatment, because I can still only understand about every third word.
When we return, we learn that Jessy and Enrique have chosen Lisa for the feature spot. Lisa is ecstatic, and Bianca looks pissed. Jessy says that Lisa had the right look and vibe. Yes, the former stripper/bikini dancer vibe, which is kind of what you're looking for in a video bit-part player. And it's undeniable that the girl looks like a natural in a wardrobe of black vinyl tata strips and thigh-high boots. Jessy announces that they are also going to try to squeeze in a little special part for Heather. And if you think Bianca was annoyed about Lisa, you need to triple the annoyance and add a side of Hasselbeck to imagine how she feels about this latest development. Jessy tells us that Heather has a bit of a gothic look, which makes her perfect for the piece. He adds, "You look at her and you get that sort of vampire vibe." It's true praise.
And then, video shoot fun times! Everyone is dressed like a total stripper mid-routine. Make that a stripper mid-routine in an underground club, where Enrique finds himself. Jenah says that she felt confident and was trying to give a look like, "Hey, what's up, Enrique?" Basically, Jenah is behaving like Enrique is the Fonz. We'll see how far this gets her later. Heather, meanwhile, says that she felt like she had to up the fierce ante. She grabs Enrique's face and gives him her best vampire eyes, which seems to go over well.
, Chantal has to stand in front of a pole. Jessy tells her to dance and stuff, and be rocking out, and every once in a while throw a look like the camera is Enrique. And then, let's quote Chantal. "It sucks to not win, and I think that kind of got me down a little bit. Until I get in front of the camera, and have this natural talent for modeling. So, I mean, I was confident." And then she stands there like a tree trunk! Jessy told her to dance! Jessy is disappointed. He says that she's a sexy girl but didn't own it in the scene.
is Ambreal, and she actually has to do the wall slide! But on a pole. The wall slide is like calculus. You think you're never going to use it and then boom! You find a way to incorporate it in your everyday life. Ambreal feels extra pressure since she's not really supposed to be there, but she's just glad to still be hanging around, undeservedly or no, and is trying to prove herself. Her wall slide gets a round of applause.
is Lisa, who basically has to sexually assault Enrique in a hallway. She halts his progress with her leg and caresses his face, while he continues to look befuddled. I mean, I know that's the way he looks generally, but it really works with this storyline. Lisa says that because Enrique is so sexy she got into it...a lot. Say no more, my friend. Jessy tells her that she was good.
Sarah, Saleisha and Bianca are . They're basically background furniture in a scene involving Enrique and the main vampire girl. Bianca has to sit on a sofa and eye Enrique down and give a lot of attitude. What a challenge for her. Saleisha and Sarah sit together and eye Enrique. Saleisha tells us that it was all about being sexy and flirty, but not video sexy and hoochie -- more classic model. In a teeny vinyl bikini top. Sarah laments the fact that she's pretty much naked, and that it's making her very uncomfortable.
And if you thought Sarah was naked, get a full-body eyeful of Heather and Jenah, who have, like, nothing on. They work their assets in a big crowd scene, where everybody's jumping around and dancing while Enrique continues to look befuddled. Heather interviews that she hadn't eaten since breakfast, and that it was now 8:00 at night, so she basically was running on empty. What, Enrique Iglesias can't afford to give the girls a nibble of beef jerky, at least? There's no time to let them snap into a Slim Jim, even? Heather says that she kept pushing herself as hard as she could, because she didn't want to be a problem. To add a little context to what hard work being a video ho is, Jenah tells us that jumping around in five-inch heels really takes it out of you. If she thinks this is tough, she should talk to some of the fine ladies who worked on "Baby Got Back." Sarah tells us that it was so hot, she thought she was going to die. And then, she saw Heather, who was curled up on the floor. Sarah goes to ask Heather if she's okay and whether she needs some water. Heather looks at her and is deathly pale, so Sarah takes her near the fan. Gil, the on-set medic, comes to take a look at her. I guess his day job at Mad Ave Advertising doesn't quite cover the bills, so he had to get part-time work. Hmmmm.
Gil asks Heather whether she can walk outside, so that they can get her some fresh air. They pass Enrique in the doorway, who looks like he thinks he might catch Asperger's. As soon as they get by him, Heather crumples to the ground. The other girls look on with concern. She gets up, but is still having trouble walking. Sadly for her, in this moment her dignity is further compromised by the fact that her butt checks are on full display. Lisa interviews that it was a scary sight, and that she thought Heather was having a seizure. It would be just like one of these morons to shove a wallet in her mouth while she was passed out. Heather sits in a chair and basically looks like the undead as her eyes roll back in her head. She gasps for air, and the crew wonders if they should call an ambulance as we head to commercials.
When we return, Heather's eyes have at least rolled back to their rightful place. Jenah tells us that Heather looked dead, and not in a sexy vampire way. Dead-dead. It was scary. Gil takes Heather's pulse, and she gets an oxygen mask. He tells her that she passed out for a minute and has to be on oxygen for a little while. Saleisha tells us that Heather's body just gave out on her, and that she really just needed to take a load off and get some water and food in her body. She adds that the whole thing was very overwhelming for Heather, and that she doesn't think Heather parties until 2:00 in the morning just on high energy. Who does party until 2:00 in the morning just on high energy? Sometimes the energy has to be chemically manufactured.
Gil tells Heather that she has to eat, and gives her a banana. She interviews that she just pushed herself way beyond her limit. Chantal asks if she's okay, and then tells her never to scare the other girls like that again. Heather says it warms her heart that the other girls were all so concerned about how she was doing. Apparently, she hasn't noticed Bianca in the corner rolling her eyes. Bianca interviews that she hates to be the bearer of bad news, or the bitch, but the truth is that this is all too much for Heather. She adds that Heather is gorgeous, and can take a gorgeous picture, but, and I quote, "Her being able to live a model's life without people telling her what to do? It will not happen. She will really have a nervous breakdown." The thing about the shade Bianca throws is that there is usually at least a teeny tiny speck of truth in it. But then again, a lot of people probably never thought Heather would be able to hold up well even being on this show, and she's coming through like a champ, so who's to say.
The girls return home to find Tyra Mail. Someone is going home! They all seem pretty sad, except Saleisha, who just shrugs her shoulders. Later, Chantal and Saleisha discuss who might be going home. Chantal isn't nervous about eliminations. She says that she was nervous at the video shoot at first, but that she can dance and act, so she was confident in the end. She interviews that she's not nervous, because this is what she was born to do: "God just gave me this body and this face to do this." And really, with all the attention He paid to these two elements, it's understandable that he might have been a little slack when it came to formulating a higher purpose for her brain. Ambreal is really nervous, and tells us AGAIN that she's not really supposed to be there. She hopes that she can stay.
And then...stop! Panel time! There are prizes, there are judges. Miss J. "Tito" Alexander has once again put some Miracle Gro on his 'fro. Jessy Terrero is the guest judge, and takes this opportunity once again to tell us the name of Enrique Iglesias's crap song. Enrique is tired of being sorry about the quality of his music, I suppose. Well, then, he should do a better job with it, I say. This week there is no photo -- the girls will be evaluated on their video footage.
Lisa is up first. Her long leg gets a shout-out from Tyra, as does her bitchy attitude on film. Twiggy notes that it's scary to get all up in the grill of a pop star, and Lisa says that she had a good time. Jessy says that Lisa only had three takes, and really nailed it.
Then there's Ambreal. Tyra thinks that Ambreal was sexy and hot sliding down the pole, but hoochie. She says that this is exactly what she taught the girls not to do. What? Ambreal's legs are together and her arms are up! Nigel does bring up the legitimate point that she licked her lips, which is pretty ho-riffic. Jessy, however, disagrees with everyone. He says that there were a few moments where Ambreal really connected with the camera. Like the time when she was licking her lips, probably. It's a video full of maybe-vampire hos! The girls can't exactly try to emulate Nicole Kidman in a Chanel ad.
Saleisha and Sarah are . At Panel, Sarah is wearing really unfortunate hot shorts. Tyra praises Saleisha for her devilish cheekbones and eye contact, which belie her girl--door exterior. Tyra also saw some wicked sexiness in Sarah. Nigel tells Sarah that the camera loves her, but that it appears as though she might be a bit nervous about her body. Gee, I wonder why. She's awkward about her fig-ger. Twiggy agrees. Nigel says that Sarah seems to be disappearing in front of them, and mentions the weight loss again. Sarah says that she hasn't been trying to lose weight, but that people have told her that she looks thinner. Tyra says that they all think she has. Well, put her on an f'ing scale and weigh her and find out for good! Argh. Nigel says that you have to be the size to be a plus-sized model. Sarah is screwed.
Heather and Jenah are . Heather looks like she's about to eat the befuddled Enrique alive, whereas Jenah doesn't look nearly evil enough. She has a little smiley smirk, which doesn't work. Nigel says he's not surprised that Heather got a shout-out, because her fierceness works. Jessy says that Heather had such a great face for what they were doing that they were willing to give her a shot. Miss J. says that Jenah looks like she's still rehearsing, and Tyra tells her that she looks more like a vampire now, in front of them at Panel, than she did on camera. God, this show is like the anti T-Zone Camp. Once they break down Chantal's confidence, there will be no stopping them. It's like the holy grail of high fashion ass-whoopins.
And speaking of Chantal, she's . Tyra thinks her film is almost there, but that it seems like she's pulling back. Jessy agrees. Tyra says it looks like she's modeling, and going, "I'm hot. I'm hot. I'm hot." As opposed to eye penetration and finger pointing.
Last is Bianca. Jessy says that she has a cool confidence and did a good job finding her sexy pose. Nigel, however, says that Bianca forced the camera man to pan away with her continual lip pushes/kissy face. Tyra says it's okay to do things like that, but that you have to make it fluid. Tyra reminds them of the lesson she gave them in fluidity. It's all about the cabbage patch. It's smooooooth. Smoooooooth. Tyra has lost her f'ing mind.
The judges deliberate. The camera loves Lisa. She was one of the weaker girls that Tyra taught in the video ho master class, but she really popped on screen. Ambreal doesn't have any magic for Twiggy, and Jessy thought she got intimidated on set. Jenah was beautiful when she came out of hair and makeup, but Jessy didn't get that beforehand because she's not in control of her sexy. Nigel says that you can't rely on everyone giving you great makeup and direction; sometimes you have to walk in and be the part. Twiggy thinks that perhaps Jenah needs a little shock. Twiggles Twiggles Twiglet! Heather seemed a little off to Jessy, but stepped up and was much better than they anticipated. Tyra says that Heather is awkward but very coachable. Saleisha has a beautiful face, and there were moments when she caught the camera and it really worked. Nigel doesn't see a lot of improvement in Sarah, even though she's had consistently good pictures. Miss J. looks at Sarah and wonders if they ever had a plus-sized girl in the competition. Nigel says that she doesn't look like a plus-sized model, and that's how she was brought into the competition. You can't just say you're a plus-sized model when you're not. Chantal was stiff and flat. Twiggy asks if that's because she was nervous, and Tyra says that it probably was, but that when you get the job, you've gotta do it. Bianca has a cool, bad-ass confidence that Jessy likes, even though she wasn't very fluid. Nigel says that Bianca also "fitted" in the role, and Tyra makes fun of the fact that he said "fitted." Maybe she should point him "towards" a dictionary.
The girls return. Eight bitches, seven photos. The first name Tyra is going to call is....Lisa's! Then Heather. Then Saleisha, Bianca, a very relieved Ambreal and Jenah. This leaves Chantal and Sarah. Both of them are very good models, but the judges continue to say that neither of them is at the top of the pack. Sarah is coasting. She's good, but her place in the industry is confusing right now, because models are either extremely skinny or fully plus-sized. With Chantal, the judges see a beautiful girl, but think she's coasting in the middle. They think her performance on video was a waste of film. Ouch. Nevertheless, Chantal gets to stay. Oh, and then Sarah really starts to cry. I mean, like, practically heaving crying. It's really sad. I liked Sarah. Tyra tells her that she had a big transformation, and to wit, we see Sarah pulling paper out of her nose at the semi-finals. Ah, memories. Tyra gives Sarah a hug, but in the way that indicates she really doesn't want her to get snot on her wig. Sarah leaves, and it's a tear party all around. As she packs, she tells us that she really wanted this, and is glad they chose her, and that it's a step. She hopes that time maybe someone who looks like her will win. Awww. And to add insult to injury, Sarah barely gets any time for her outro because we have to watch the sneak peek of Enrique's crappy video. Maybe we were right, maybe he was lonely. Maybe we were also right that he really can't sing very well.
week: Heather reaches her breaking point. This apparently comes when she's naked in the shower. With Saleisha. I don't know, you guys. And the girls get stranded in the desert! Whee!