Noooooooooooooooooooo! Okay, wait, let me back up. So, the four remaining girls have to venture into the forest. Natasha does so in wedge heels, and the other girls mock and malign her for this, because they hate her and everything she does. But more about this later. In keeping with Aboriginal tradition, they must incorporate body art, storytelling, and dance in expressing their own stories. Renee talks about past abuse, Jaslene makes no damn sense, Dionne has stuff about her family, and Natasha speaks so quietly that no one can hear her. This great strategy doesn't pay off so well, and Renee wins the challenge. She and Jaslene, whom she has chosen to share in her prize, get some pearls. Oh, and Dionne is strangely a descendent of John Lithgow in Footloose, and she wants to banish dancing from her own life if not the entire continent of Australia. The girls want to blow off some steam, so they decide to go out. Natasha foregoes this opportunity for female bonding because she is hella-sick. So, of course, the other three talk a lot of shit about her. They really, really don't like her. Her sketchy marital situation comes up, along with the fact that she seems awfully fake. Meanwhile, Natasha is home with a fever and the stuffed nose. It just doesn't seem right. The photo shoot for the week involves more dancing and posing inspired by Aboriginal legends, and while Renee excels, the other girls struggle a bit. Dionne still can't get her face right, and Natasha is, as Jay says, "missssssssssssssserable." At panel, the news that she was sick doesn't really fly with the judges, because Tyra once had snot coming out of every orifice and STILL managed to turn it out, etc. etc. The girls have the annual "Which girl has the most potential? Which girl has the least potential?" quiz, and Dionne has obviously never seen this show before, because she doesn't choose herself in the most potential category. Also of note, Dionne, Renee, and Jaslene all pick Natasha as having the least potential. Twiggy passes this off as jealousy, but nonetheless Natasha ends up in the final two with Dionne. And then -- oh, I can barely repeat what happened, but I must -- Dionne goes home. Say it with me now: What the hay-ell? You are lying! So, ladies and gentlemen, and flamboyant gentlemen, Natasha, Jaslene, and Renee are your final three. You have one week to get used to it.
Previously on ANTM: A go-see challenge disqualification turned Brittany from vaguely monster-esque into full-fledged monster. The girls had to be soft, then sexy, in a dual photo shoot aimed at women's and men's magazine audiences. Despite her great pictures, Brittany is sort of boring and unlikable in person, so none of the go-see designers wanted to book her. She was sent home, sparing our beloved Dionne for another week. So remaining we have: (1) Renee; (2) Jaslene; (3) Dionne; and (4) Natasha. That makes four bitches! Mwah ha ha ha.
Sydney! The girls return home from elimination. To Tyra Mail! "Some of you believe you were born to be a top model, but I sense that only one will have the heart, soul, and spirit to make it too the top. Love, Tyra." The hell? In addition to being the postmodern Oprah, she's now the postmodern ancient soothsayer as well? Is there no market she will leave untapped? Dionne says that she's so tired and so far gone that she can't even bother to think about what the Tyra Mail means. Whatever happens, happens, but she's going to take her ass to sleep. Meanwhile, Renee asks Jaslene and Dionne -- who is really trying to sleep, so maybe should tell Renee to shut her yap -- if they could have predicted that Brittany would be eliminated. Jaslene says she didn't predict it until they got to panel. Dionne tells us that at the last panel the judges told her that she did "this thing called scowling" a lot. If Dionne has never heard of scowling, perhaps what we interpret as scowling is really her just trying to figure out what the heck people are talking about at any given time. Anyway, the scowling tends to make her look mean, and she doesn't even realize that she's doing it -- it's just there. And, kind of, she's just mean. I love her, but it's true.
Renee notes to the others that when you're at panel and your picture comes up and there is silence from the judges, you know you're gong to get it, because they're trying to figure out why they don't like it. We see shots of silence from each of the judges, which is like the soothing balm of Gilead compared to the shrill cries of "You make wrong the new right," and "The camera loves you," and "Blah blah broken down doll," and "Naomi Campbell was mean to me!" that we hear every week.
The morning...okay, I'm not even sure how to explain this. Okay, yes I am. Picture it: Sydney, 2007. Dionne, Renee, and Natasha are in their bedroom together. Natasha is on the phone with her husband, Stuart. The phone is sitting on her bed. Natasha kneels beside the bed and nuzzles the phone with her nose. Perhaps the concept of phone sex gets a little too literal when it crosses the sea? There is a lot of "Baaaby," and "Baaaaby," and "I love you so much, baaaaby," and "I love you too, baaaaby," and "I'm gonna be soon to you, baaaaby." Renee and Natasha kind of laugh and look around in disbelief. Renee sums it up for us: "Natasha's crazy. She's psychopathic. She's, like, making out with the phone with her husband on it. She's weird." Natasha's response? "Baaaaaaby. Oooh hoo hoo." Wait. Maybe Natasha actually thinks she's having a baby, because sperm can swim through phone lines? Did anyone ever think of that? No matter what the issue, for the love of God, will someone hand her an informational pamphlet?
Natasha interviews that the other girls are very into her behavior, and everything she do, they watch. This is the time to whip out "Why you in my business, shawty?" In all fairness, though, she was acting kind of weird. She says to Renee that she doesn't watch when Renee calls her husband, and Renee is all, "Yeah, well, I don't nuzzle the phone." I mean, touché. Nuzzle the phone all you want, but for the love of decency, keep it behind closed doors. Natasha blames it all on the fact that the other girls are intimidated by the fact that she's such a strong competition [sic], and will judge whatever she does. Why add more phone-nuzzling fuel to the fire, then?
The girls head off to Royal National Park. Sounds fun, right? Well, not so much. Dionne tells us that it's rainy, windy, and cold. The girls trek through the woods and make fun of the fact that Natasha is wearing wedge heels. I mean, seriously. Renee tells her that she's going to get sick. I don't actually get the correlation there, aside from foreshadowing. Jaslene interviews that Natasha can give the heels a rest for a day when they're walking through the forest. I do get the correlation there with common sense. It is my greatest hope that the girls will come upon a gingerbread house in the forest, but that is probably not to be.
In fact, the girls come upon a large bearded guy wearing a flannel shirt and holding a walking stick. And no, it's not Jay Manuel all dressed up. It's Uncle Max, an Aboriginal elder. He introduces his niece Calita, who is wearing a black dress with handprints all over it. She tells the girls that storytelling is a big part of Aboriginal culture. They pass stories on to future generations by word of mouth, body art, and dance. A whole group of younger girls all wearing the same dress waits in the wings. Uncle Max says that they will perform a dance so that the girls can understand their story. In turn, each of the girls will have to do a dance that expresses her journey. Renee interviews that she thinks models are storytellers. Where the Aboriginal folks tell a story through dance, models tell stories through pictures and runway. That story goes like this: "Don't I look hungry? I'm really fucking hungry." Dionne tells us that when you think of dance, you normally think of booty-shaking and the like. However, the Aboriginal girls were picking up berries and that sort of thing, which led to Dionne's understanding that this was more of an acting-like dance. In other words, none of these girls is going to be The Pussycat Doll.
Calita tells the girls that it's their turn to express their stories through body art, movement, and speech. Young girls from the community have been invited to come and watch, in hopes that the models' stories will inspire them. This is really good, because the Aboriginal culture has long been lacking in one specific art -- that of the booty tooch. Carissa Rosenberg from Seventeen will also be there to watch and judge. The girls get fifteen minutes to prepare. They have to paint both their bodies and their dresses, which are similar to the ones that the Aboriginal girls wore, but more revealing. Renee says that she started shaking even looking at the short strapless dresses, because it was so cold out. To wit, we get a shot of the girls half-naked, with Natasha bending over in front of the camera in such a way that we see her red thong quite clearly. I'm betting that thong has a story to tell, too. I thought that they at least provided the girls with corn muffins, but they are actually sponges with which to apply the paint. Ah, well.
Renee -- or should I say NeNe -- is up first. She tells the story that made her who she is today. She was abused when she was very young, and she expresses this through red paint indicating blood on her feet. It disperses as it goes up her legs, because for a while she felt nothingness. She has five flowers painted on her dress, representing her four sisters and her mother. They grew tall together and supported each other through the hard times. She has a heart on her chest -- well, closer to her neck, actually -- that represents her desire for all abused women to stand together. She has tears on her face for those who don't know how, and her heart breaks for those who still walk through the abuse. And I have to say...good story! I thought it would be all, "And then I was a real bitch, and Tyra made everyone sit in a circle and say why they hated me. And then I was less of a bitch. Until this episode." Renee says that of course she wanted to impress Carissa, but what was most important to her was that her story be heard.
Jaslene is . She says that she once was a young girl who was misled into agony, pain, and suffering. Her only way out was through true love, and her true love was her dream. Okay, what? She says she fought through so many obstacles to get to her dream, but now, she stands before us and is really, really happy. And all she does is live, love, and laugh. And dance like no one's watching. I mean, what is this crap? Jaslene's story sucks. When she's finished everyone just sits there in silence until one girl starts halfheartedly clapping. The others join in, and then Jaslene joins Renee in sitting on a nearby tree branch.
And then, there is Dionne. She readies herself, and looks kind of mean, as is her custom. She interviews, "I don't want to do no damn dance! First of all, how the hay-ell do you think I can dance while telling a story? Tell what story? What story do you wanna hear?" Oooh, oooh! I want to hear the story of Weavey-locks and the Three Queers! Please, Grandma Dionne, tell it again! Dionne says that her boyfriend tries to get her to dance for him all the time, and she just does not do it. Well, that's probably some kinky thing, though. Dionne tells us with a healthy heaping of attitude that she does not want to dance, period. However, I think if she digs way down in her heart, she'll find that she's yearning, burning for someone to tell her that life ain't passing her by. But hey, Dionne? I'm trying to tell you, it will if you don't even try. Commercials.
When we return, Dionne still doesn't want to dance. She says that she doesn't think what happened to her in the past was relevant. Ah, so maybe this is more about the revealing of past happenings than about dancing? God, now I feel like Tyra. Anyway, Dionne says she's going to make her dance, like, 25 seconds long. But then her story is pretty good! She says that when she was six, her mom was shot and paralyzed, and has been for fifteen years. She has a line on her leg that represents the line she walked, and whether she should walk right or left. Okay, that part I don't quite get. Dionne has a series of dots on her legs, representing each of her sisters and their kids, including her baby sister who she loves most, because she encouraged Dionne to pursue her dream of modeling. There is a yellow dot on Dionne's stomach, which represents her life. She's trying to make it better for herself and for the pink dot within that, which represents her daughter, through a career in modeling. The audience claps. I should mention that no one so far has really danced, per se. They're more or less just standing there and moving their arms around. But, hey, whatever works.
And then, there is Natasha. She comes out with a couple of branches and waves them around. She says softly, "When I used to be a child, I was very weak." She tells us that she is speaking quietly because she wants everyone to pay close attention to what she's doing. She says that when you speak quietly, people are like, "Huh?" People are like, "Huh?" no matter what the volume of Natasha's speech, quite frankly. Dionne interviews, "I see her lips moving, but I don't hear a thing...What the hay-ell is she saying?" Captions tell us that it's something about being weak and having big dreams. Oh, and going to the forest and listening to the trees. "And then trees tell me I am most beautiful girl in world, and can heal others through power of my face alone, and must look for the Tyra to make all happen." Renee tells us that she had no idea what Natasha was saying, and adds that she's a sweet girl but is a few fries short of a Happy Meal. Natasha's response? "Oh, am so happy, it's true! And am 5'9", not too short. Perfect size for model." Natasha tells us that her dance was very good, because she used tree branches and went barefoot, like the Aboriginal girls who went before her. O...kay.
Carissa tells the girls that it was great being there and hearing their stories, because the girl who is on the cover of Seventeen is going to have to tell her story over and over and over. It's part of being a public figure, and having people connect with you. Which is why we keep hearing about how Tyra is 161 pounds of pure love. And the winner of the challenge is...NeNe! That's Renee for those of you out there not really paying attention. Carissa explains it all by saying that she thinks the readers of Seventeen would relate to her, and care about her, and really want to hear what she has to say. Maybe if they hadn't watched the show from episodes one through six. Stupid redemption arc. Renee gets to pick one friend to share in her prize, and she chooses Jaslene. She tells Carissa this is because Jaslene's story was close to hers, but then tells us that she wanted to pick someone who she legitimately gets along with. Fair enough.
When the girls get home, there is a man named Justin Schwarz waiting for them. Well, actually he's just waiting for Renee and Jaslene. Justin is the CEO of Autore Pearls. Yes, the girls are getting pearls. They are understandably psyched. Renee says that Autore Pearls are the jewelry that royalty wears. Yes, friends, when the Queen Mum wants a pearl necklace, she heads right to Justin Schwarz. That is a lucky man. With their diamonds and pearls, Jaslene and Renee are a happy boy and a girl. Dionne, however, is not so happy. She interviews that it's very important to win the challenges, and she doesn't know why she didn't boost herself up and try harder.
Dionne says to the other girls that she needs to have some fun. They've been cooped up and working for a while, and need to blow off some steam. So Renee, Jaslene, and Dionne decide to go out. Natasha, however, is not going. Turns out she's feeling pretty sick. Shouldn't have worn the wedge heels in the forest! She tells Renee that she's happy that Renee won the prize and is glad that they're going out to celebrate, but she feels too bad to go. Renee gives her some tips for using the old Vicks Vapo-Rub. Dionne tells us that she doesn't know if it's the flu or a really bad cold or what, but Natasha looks a mess. She does, too.
As it turns out, Natasha not being able to go isn't such a bad thing. Because now they can talk all the shit they want about her, and not just the half-shit that they talk about her to her face, figuring that she won't really understand it anyway. Jaslene interviews that they're better off without her, and that Natasha was a funny Russian girl at the beginning of the competition but is now just annoying. As they sit and enjoy a cocktail, Renee tells the other girls that they need to bring it at the photo shoot tomorrow, and that Dionne can't have any of her standard "no contact with the camera" thing. Renee says, "We need to send someone home, and you guys all know who I'm talking about." Oh my God, Renee is SO HAPPY that she is not the primary object of hatred anymore. Way to extend your newfound kindness, Mother Teresa. Jaslene says that she honestly doesn't see Natasha going home now, because she's been improving week after week.
Dionne interviews that she wants to see Natasha go home, because she's just over her. She tells the other girls that something is going on with Natasha, but she doesn't know what it is. Dionne is convinced that she has some lies floating around somewhere. Jaslene is very curious as to how she lives her life at home with her husband. Renee interviews that Natasha doesn't have a wedding ring, and she's never seen a photo of her husband or her daughter. She says it's all very confusing. Well, maybe her husband has leprosy. Or is the Phantom of the Opera. You just don't know. Dionne says that Natasha never talks about her family, for real, and that they don't know anything about her life or her husband. She interviews in a scandalized tone that she doesn't even know his name. Renee and Jaslene agree that Natasha's story has changed a million times, and Renee adds, "If you're gonna lie, at least be good at it." Spoken like a true pro. I will give them that Natasha's situation seems kind of sketchy, but maybe the problem lies with the fact that no one has ever bothered to talk to her or asked her any questions. If there were something really super-sketchy going on, I can't believe that Tyra and the other producers wouldn't have outed it by now. Unless Natasha is the winner, in which case there would be no such outing, and the other girls would be made to look like super catty bitches. Oh, huh.
Natasha interviews that throughout the whole competition she has been talked about, and she's in the middle of every conversation. She says that the other girls are nice to her face, because they don't want to let on to her that they're jealous. She doesn't let it touch her, because it would distract her from the competition to let the other girls get in her head. I have to say, Natasha is a tough Russian tea cookie. The other girls return home, and find Tyra Mail awaiting. "Sorry girls, you're history. Love, Tyra." In another week, they actually will be history! Top Model history. And, well, just history.
The morning, as Jaslene irons her tank top (??????) Natasha blows her nose. She tells us, "Today, I woke up and I was having the fever, I have the stuffed nose and the sore throat to the point where it's really, really hard for me to swallow." Natasha feels a lot of pressure, because the competition is getting harder and there are not many girls left. She says, "I'm really scared that I'm not going to be a-rocking in this photo shoot today." And if Natasha's not a-rocking, well, the girls will still keep knocking her. She cries and looks generally miserable as we head to commercials.
When we return, the girls meet up with Jay at another outdoor locale. He tells them that today they'll be incorporating Aboriginal culture into their shoot, and will work with members of the Ngemba tribe to act out a story. Kane Skennar is the photographer for the day. Sharon Williams, a member of the Ngemba tribe, tells the girls that each one of them will be acting out a tribal legend. They'll also each have to learn a dance that they'll perform in the context of the shoot. Dionne, enemy of dancing with unparalleled vigilance, is not happy about this. The girls get made up and outfitted, and Natasha tells the makeup person that she is still really, really sick. The other girls probably gave her raw, salmonella-laden chicken and told her it was sushi. I wouldn't put it past them.
Jaslene is up first, and she has to learn the dance of the Red-Breast Robin. She tells us that it involved a lot of turning and shaking her knees like a chicken, and she doesn't plan on taking those moves home. She gets a lot of positive feedback as she shoots, but Jay tells her not to tilt her head up because he and Tyra can't use all the shots where they're looking up her nostrils. And believe me, you don't want to see what's in there. Jay tells us that he liked how Jaslene understood the spirit and the movements of the legend, and also that she brought her own beautiful, graceful interpretation to it.
Dionne is , and learns a food-gathering dance that involves gathering berries, shaking some twigs around, and giving thanks to God. She seems okay with that, probably because it's not really dance-like. Jay reminds Dionne that she needs to stop making her mean face. He says that the group of women dancing with her in her shot have a beautiful energy about them, and he doesn't want her "scowly energy" to misrepresent who they are. The problem with Dionne is that when she doesn't look mean, she just kind of looks tense and confused. Jay loves her body language, but tells her to give more in the face. When she tries, he tells her that she got more mean-looking. Dionne tries to relax herself, and Jay tells her not to overthink it. Jay tells us that working with Dionne is really frustrating, because though she has a beautiful spirit, when she gets in front of the camera she turns controlling and mean. Jay has to coach Dionne through every single shot. Though this yields good results, he isn't happy about having to do it at this stage of the competition.
up is Natasha, who does a dance about the willie wagtail. Or, as Natasha says, the wiggly wagtail bird. She is psyched, because she has historically been very successful when asked to be wiggly. The bird is always jumping and is happy, she says, so it's a happy dance. But you know what culprit might impede on all this happiness? That's right. The red-tinged stuffed nose. She hands a snotty Kleenex to a lackey and then begins her shoot. Or, I should say, she tries to begin her shoot, but hackingly coughs instead. Jay notes under his breath that she's miserable. Natasha stands there like a dead person. Kane tells her to lighten it up and look happier. It does not help. Jay pauses the shoot for a minute and says that this is a really important lesson, because one time he was in St. Bart's with Tyra, and she was really sick. But as soon as the photographer started shooting, she was like, "Oooh, bam bam bam bam bam bam." Yes, and Tyra once climbed Mount Kilimanjaro for a shoot after having three toes amputated because they wouldn't fit into her Manolos, and she swam in dolphin-infested waters for a shoot despite having an enduring fear of dolphins, and the dolphins were so impressed that they jumped up in a heart shape around her and changed their name to "Typhins," and Tyra removed all of her skin for a shoot about musculature and turned it inside out, literally, because that's what a supermodel does. And you know how Heather Mills bravely went on Dancing with the Stars and kicked ass even though she only has one leg? That was actually Tyra. WE KNOW.
Jay tells Natasha that he knows she's not feeling well, but she needs to push it away, because he can see it in her eyes. Natasha tells us that it was hard to hide how miserable she was on the shoot, and all she could think about was how she wanted to go lay in bed and forget about everything for one stinking day. She really appears to be doing a terrible job. Jay halts the shoot again and tells her that it's do or die, and he would hate to see her throw the competition away because she couldn't push through this one shoot. He tells her to try a little harder. She in turn looks constipated. Jay says that he's never had a girl fall this flat at the end. He actually cringes at her last frame. All the other girls must be in a land of delights over this.
Finally, we have Renee, who gets to do The Flight Of The Butterfly. Renee interviews that the dance was very beautiful and she loved it, and as she was learning it, she could see a lot of ways to work it. And work it she does. She asks Jay if she can do a move that isn't a part of the dance, and Jay says, "Sure, as long as you're still bringing part of that dance, that's great." O...kay. She puts her arms up in the air, and Jay says that the shot was glorious. Renee is sure as hell not going anywhere. She feels great about her shoot, and she should. Good on her for not sucking.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is being thrown to the willie wagtail. Natasha asks the other girls if they have any idea what will happen tomorrow, and Renee snots, "Uh, I think we'll meet with the judges." Dionne adds, "Uh, yeah, and one of us is going to be eliminated," and then Jaslene actually adds a, "Duh." Wherefore the "gag me with a spoon," ladies? I hope Natasha fucking pounds them. Natasha confessionalizes that in today's photo shoot, she did a great job even though she felt very bad. Oh, okay, so she's weird and annoying. I still hope she pounds them. Renee interviews that she hopes Natasha doesn't use her sickness as an excuse, because the judges will eat her alive. She says that there are plenty of models who have been sick and gone to work and gotten good photos, and we head to commercials. What, they're not even going to tease us with the possibility that another model might be sent home? In the words of Dionne, "Day-um."
When we return, we are at panel. Tyra tells the girls that the competition is getting stiff, which may or may not be a double entendre given that she looks like the madame at The ANTM Ranch brothel. There are prizes, there are judges. Carissa Rosenberg is the guest judge for the day. Dionne is up first for her individual evaluation. Tyra says that she thinks Dionne's photo is really strong and beautiful. Carissa has concerns because Dionne's eyes aren't looking at anything in particular. Twiggy says that lack of eye contact has been a problem in a lot of Dionne's photos. Tyra says that in looking through Dionne's photos, she noted a lot of scowls and a lot of sort of fake happy smiles. Dionne needs to find a middle ground. Mr. Jay reported that directing Dionne is frustrating because she still tends to look really harsh and mean in front of the camera, and also needs a lot of coaching. Dionne looks surprised at this.
And then, the kicker. Tyra announces that there will be a judging test today. We haven't had those all season! But let me assure you, the wait was worth it. Each girl is going to have to evaluate her competition and tell the judges who has the most and least potential. Tyra asks Dionne to first tell her who has the most potential. Dionne, who has obviously never watched the show and/or is dumber than we think, names Jaslene. You should see Tyra's eyes bug out. This is when I knew Dionne was going home. You ALWAYS say yourself, fool. But Dionne thinks that Jaslene has a really striking look and a great personality. On who has the least potential, Dionne names Natasha, saying that something's missing in her personality, and she just doesn't believe it. Natasha just kind of gives a look like, "The dark one always gets so jealous." Tyra gets a funny, Stepford-ish look on her face and says, "All right, thank you." Either the meds have finally kicked in, or she thinks there's something foul in Dim-mark.
Jaslene is up . Nigel thinks her photo is beautiful, but he's seen the same striking, strong face from her before and would like to see something different. Tyra says that when you're a model who has one really strong look, you'll get booked on that, but there's not going to be a lot of longevity in your career. I can't believe they don't mention how huge her jaw looks or, actually, the fact that she appears kind of mean. It is not a great photo. When it comes to naming who has the most potential, Jaslene of course says herself. Good move. She says that the other girls entered the competition to take a chance or to be part of the experience, but her heart, soul, and spirit are there. That is precisely the way I feel about recapping this show! It is so.....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. What? Oh, sorry, I dozed off for a minute. Where were we? Oh, yes, least potential. As should come as no surprise, Jaslene also says Natasha. She says that she respects and cares for Natasha dearly, which, lie, but Natasha comes off as phony. Tyra gets that same look while Natasha's expression reads, "The half and half one is bitches, too."
Renee is . Twiggy finds her photo very evocative, and Nigel praises her for finding the light with her eyes. Carissa says that Renee looks beautiful and strong and pops out of the photo. Tyra adds that pose-wise, Renee gave the most and thus she had more photos to choose from than for the other girls. Renee, of course, thinks that she has the most top model potential, because she wants to make things better for her family. She eloquently says, "They are the fire that's under my butt." Little Troy will always know that he's responsible for his mom's crispy ass. Tenderoni. Least potential? Say it with me now: Natasha. Renee says that she's a beautiful girl, but she plays games and has a fake personality. Tyra dismisses Renee, and though we don't see Natasha's expression, I imagine that it would read, "Ghosty one is not so friendly after all."
And then, it is Natasha's turn. Her photo is not good. Nigel says that she has an extremely strong face, but the photo is an example of how if the wrong make-up is put on her, it doesn't work. He adds that she's not connecting with the shot, and Carissa says that it seems awkward and uncomfortable. Ms. J. tells her that when all else fails, she should give it in the face, because then at least the judges will be able to say something was great. Tyra says that Natasha's film in total was worse than that from the very first shoot. She notes that Jay told her that Natasha was sick, but the sickness doesn't account for how bad she was. Natasha says that she had a fever, and had to really pull herself together just to get to the photo shoot because she felt so bad. Tyra gives a school marm-ish, "Hm." Uh oh. Tyra repeats Jay's note that even though Natasha showed up, she couldn't push through her illness. She reverted back to her initial weaknesses and was very awkward. Tyra agrees. She asks Natasha who has the most potential. Natasha, of course, says herself, because she has the Eastern European features that are in fashion right now. See, I like how she went for the purely physical stuff, without any of the, "I need to feed my family blah blah spirit" bullshit.
Natasha adds that she's thankful for the critiques that the other girls gave her, and that she still likes them. Twiggy says that she's really surprised by the reaction of the other girls to Natasha, because every week she's one of the warmest girls. She makes the judges laugh, and also takes their critiques well. Twiggy had the thought that maybe because Natasha is so beautiful, there might be an element of slight jealousy to what the other girls are saying. There is a weird cut to Natasha saying that if Gisele Bundchen were behind her, she would say that Gisele has the least potential because she's her biggest competition. Ah, I guess Gisele: Natasha :: Natasha: Renee, Dionne and Jaslene. Tyra asks what Natasha's reaction is to the other girls saying such negative things about her. Natasha says that she feels like she's always been talked about, but being talked about is better than not being noticed at all. True enough, but it still doesn't feel good. Tyra dismisses Natasha, and we head to commercials.
When we return, it is not to the judges' deliberating. Rather, we see the girls in the judging holding room. Natasha tells the other girls that she truly wishes them luck, and that's just how she is. Jaslene says that at times they don't accept who she is, and Renee pipes in that Natasha seems fake. Natasha says she's not fake at all. Jaslene says that they're just letting her know how they see her from the outside, and how she's been with them. Natasha, who seems kind of hurt, says that she doesn't understand what they mean by saying that. Jaslene says that she's just speaking to Natasha's assertion that the others find her to be a threat, or are jealous. She says that she's not jealous and that Natasha's not a threat. Poor Natasha is beat on this one, and can only say a meek, "Okay." Renee smirks in the background, per usual. I have never wanted Natasha to win more, I have to tell you.
And then, the deliberation. Twiggy say that Dionne has given the weakest photographs throughout the competition, though this one might be her best. Carissa says that she's a beautiful girl, but doesn't seem like a top model. Tyra brings up the fact that Dionne is the only girl who didn't name herself as having the most top model potential. Jaslene always produces great photos, says Nigel, but he worries that she gives the same look over and over. Tyra says that it seems like this competition is Jaslene's life. Though she wants the girls to have drive and determination and tunnel vision, she's worried what will happen to Jaslene if she doesn't win. Ms. J. clarifies that Tyra's concerned that if Jaslene doesn't make it eventually it might destroy her. Tyra says that then Jaslene might be stalking his ass. Ms. J. looks afraid, as well he should. There's nothing like a scared man in ever increasing sizes of ruffles around his neck, I'll tell you that much.
Twiggy loves Renee's photo. Nigel says that everyone loves Renee, and she's really beautiful, but she just doesn't look like the youngest, freshest face on the block. Tyra says that the other judges might not know this, but she practically had to hold an intervention because the other girls were all against Renee, and then this week it's all about hating Natasha. Tyra asks what that means. It means they're catty bitches, which we already knew. Twiggy asks if the others think it's jealousy, and Nigel says not to ask him because he's a guy. Tyra shakes her finger in his face and tells him that guys are just as catty and shady as girls are. In any case, Twiggy loves Natasha. She thinks that this week's photo is her weakest, but also thinks that Natasha dealt with the other girls' negativity miraculously well. Tyra asks if the other judges really think that the other girls are threatened by Natasha, and Carissa and Twiggy both agree that they were really ganging up on her. Tyra says that might be the case, but doesn't negate the fact that her photo shoot was a disaster. Eep!
The girls return. Four girls, three photos. Renee is called first, with high praise. is Jaslene. She is surprised, and says she thought she'd be in the bottom two because the judges want to see a different face and she hasn't brung it. Tyra says that she'd better brung-did-id it week. Or, leave it at home with your catty bitchery. Either way. This of course leaves Dionne and Natasha. Dionne started off rough, and got better and better. But the judges feel like her ascent is too rocky, with lots of backsliding. The fact that she didn't name herself as having the most potential also concerns the judges (read: Tyra, who is the only person to really pay attention to that stupid shit). Because, after all, who will believe in Dionne if she doesn't believe in herself? ["I have to say, I wondered whether she knew she was even allowed to name herself, since they told her the job was to 'evaluate her competition.' I wondered if she thought they meant 'out of the other three girls.'" -- Miss Alli] Meanwhile, Natasha is the girl with the beautiful face and great personality who was awful at first. But she got better and better, until this week, when she sucked. And the "boo hoo I'm sick" story is the oldest top model excuse in the book. Tyra adds the fact that the other girls all were very negative about Natasha and, given the fact that the judges don't live in the house with them (but if they did, wouldn't it be interesting and also make all the judges quit?), they have to listen to what the other girls say sometimes. Is there something about Natasha that she's hiding? Is there something that's manipulative? Is she fake? Tyra asks those questions, and notes that there has to be a reason why the other three girls have ganged up against her. They're mean. Isn't that reason enough?