We start off this episode by getting a little glimpse into Natasha's relationship with her husband via their phone conversation. Apparently, it involves some purring. Yeah, I don't know. Oh, and a kid! Or a puppy that sounds like a baby, maybe? I'm not sure, because I stuck my fingers in my ears during the early sexy-talk, and kind of forgot to take them out. The other girls kind of figure out the mail-order bride thing and think it's creepy. Natasha feels like they're picking on her, and gets upset. In other house drama, Renee pisses off Whitney and Diana with her insensitive remarks about plus-sized models. The girls meet with the director of Elite, who gives them a quick lesson in outfitting themselves in model-appropriate clothes. A pair of modeling twin brothers test them on their learning by having them team up to create store window displays that feature them wearing clothes from The House of Sears. The combo of Natasha, Jael, and Whitney would have won, but a minor violation of the rules gets them disqualified. Thus, Sarah, Renee, and Dionne claim victory. Sarah gets the individual prize for putting together the best look, and takes total credit even though Dionne actually chose her outfit. The shoot for the week -- and I am totally serious about this -- requires the girls to go transgender, with drag queen partners. Sometimes I feel like I dreamed this season. Sarah's bad-ass prize is to shoot her film, then take a look at it with Jay and see what she's doing right and wrong, and then re-shoot the whole thing. This quite possibly saves her, since her first round of photos weren't so stellar. Jay questions Diana's desire and passion to be America's Top Model, which makes her break down. In the end, Natasha excels and ends up getting her photo first. Sadly for those who like big-bottomed women, Diana and Whitney have a plus-sized face-off in the bottom two, with the bland Diana getting sent home.
Previously: Natasha didn't know what the eff she was doing. Despite her best efforts to change, Renee was kind of a huge wanker. At Panel, Dionne's personal style was criticized, but it wasn't enough to get her sent home. Instead, boring Felicia said "au revoir" to the rest of the bitches. Of whom there are now nine!
It is night at the Top Model house. We hear the sound of a phone ringing, then cut to Natasha in the phone chamber. "Do you miss meeeeee?" she asks. Stuart, her husband, says that of course he misses her. In a sexy little girl voice, she asks, "Do you remember me? Everything?" Man, why did they have to get all Cinemax After Dark on us? But then, suddenly, Stuart asks if she wants to talk to little someone or other -- buzzy buzz? I don't know, it's kind of hard to hear him clearly over the phone -- and Natasha sits up from her supine "I touch myself" position and says that ahhh, she gets to talk to her "baby" for the first time in three weeks. "Baby"? Say wha? For a while, I thought that it was a language issue thing, and that her husband would actually put her favorite skanky dress from Bebe up to the phone so Natasha could hear its sequins crinkle. Natasha interviews that, being a model, you have to be away from your family most of the time: "You have to work it." Work that family abandonment! Make it fierce! Natasha says hi to the baby, telling it that it's his/her mama on the phone, and we hear a child cry. I am still somehow in awe of the fact that Natasha has a kid. This scene also makes me ruminate on how children can ruin good phone sex. Natasha interviews that she's really sad because she hasn't bonded with anyone in the house. Out in the world, she and the other contestants would never be friends, she says, because they're so different. To wit, we cut to Whitney asking Diana if she knew that Natasha was eighteen when she married her husband, and that he was forty, and she didn't speak any English. Diana says, "Day-um." Whitney asks if Diana thinks that's weird. Diana does. Shouldn't they have hashed all this out at Casting? We cut back to the phone chamber where Natasha is running her nails along the top of the chair and breathily saying, "I neeeeed you, Stuuuuart, rggggggh. Purrrrrr. Meow!" Well, if she doesn't end up winning this competition, I think that her 1-900-RGGH-PURR business will take off quite well. Cut back to Diana asking Whitney (and Renee) if they think that Natasha was a mail-order bride. Whitney says that she was wondering the same thing. Again, it took them three weeks to wonder this? I thought it was just assumed. Diana says that it's creepy, and Whitney agrees, adding, "Grooooooss." And speaking of gross, we cut back to Natasha saying, "Would you be gentle to me?" and Stuart saying, "Of course." Having phone sex on the communal phone just seems wrong somehow. They need to spray some Lysol on that receiver. Natasha goes, "Mmmm," and then hits a phone button and says sorry. What would Anna Karenina think of all this?
The morning, Diana is eating some tuna. That is not a metaphor, even though she appears to be on Whitney's bed. She says that the tuna is gross, and that she needs some real food. Whitney asks if she's still on that "I gotta lose ten pounds" thing. She is, and Whitney says that she should get on that, too. She interviews that having Diana around makes it easier, because the two of them can relate. She adds that you can get a distorted perception of reality when you live with a bunch of girls who are 5'10" and only weigh 125 pounds. It's true that Whitney and Diana aren't even that big, but to the likes of Jaslene and Renee, they look elephantine. This is also some messed-up shit.
Tyra Mail! Sarah, who has a serious case of bed head, reads it: "Looking your worst can be the best thing that ever happened to you. Love, Tyra." Jael raises her hand and says, "Well, I win this one!" We cut back to Sarah looking insane, which indicates that maybe Jael spoke too soon.
The morning, the girls head out to meet Cathy Gould, director of Elite Model Management. The girls are all excited. Upon seeing them, I imagine Cathy's reaction was exactly inverse. With Cathy is Elite model Claudia Mason, who is all tall and skinny and pretty and shit. We cut to a shot of Jaslene standing there with her mouth open, and the disparity between Claudia and the rest of these girls just hits you like a really heavy ugly stick. Claudia says that she and Cathy are there to help the girls learn how to dress, which is really important for a model. Dionne interviews that, at the last Panel, Tyra and the rest of the judges didn't like her outfit, and chewed her ass out. Have I mentioned that I love Dionne? Because I do. She says that she was "shocked as hay-ell," and so is just going to try to listen and pay attention today.
Claudia and Cathy have pulled out some clothing examples for the girls to showcase. The girls put them on and come back out. The outfits are obviously hideous. I mean, Diana is practically wearing a tent. Claudia asks the girls to tell them what they think. Natasha says that she likes her hideous outfit very much, because she really likes the skinny jeans and tight shirt so that people can see her body. Meow! Whitney loves her awful accessories. Jaslene thinks that her plaid pants and non-matching Purple Rain t-shirt are young and hip, and that she can wear it out for a casual night, or go for lunch. At this point, Cathy tells the girls that the outfits that they have on are examples of how not to dress. And, I mean, no shit, dumb-asses. The girls kind of laugh stupidly. My hero, Dionne, interviews, "I was like, oh, snap! I was like, we were looking kind of jacked-up and busted, here!" That pretty much says it all.
Cathy and Claudia tell the girls why their outfits suck. Diana's top is like a potato sack, so she's told to throw it away. Claudia tells Natasha that she has a nice thin frame, but that the skinny top and bottom together are just too much. Natasha says, "But I'll make it work." Jael kind of shakes her head. Natasha continues: she says that all the girls said that they like their outfits because, as a model, you should always like the clothing that the client puts on you. She gives this huge smile, and Cathy and Claudia don't know what the fuck to do with her, so they just stare at her blankly. Renee interviews that Natasha frustrates her, because if somebody's trying to give you a lesson, you should just listen and soak it all in. I do think the judges encourage Natasha too much with the jawing. Purrrrrrr. Claudia has girls swap certain items with each other to make their outfits better. This involves them undressing right in front of our eyes! Good times. Dionne says that she learned today that simple is all you need. She's in luck, because there is PLENTY of simple in the house.
Back at home, Renee sits on Whitney's bed and asks if she honestly thinks that there's ever going to be a plus-sized model on the cover of Vogue. You know, I wish that Renee had said that to Aretha Franklin, because Aretha would have picked her up, snapped her in half, tossed the torso out of the window, and used her legs as a back scratcher. Jael, from her own bed, gives a look that says what we're all thinking: "Shut up, Renee." Renee says that, even though she wants it to happen, she doesn't think it ever will. Whitney interviews that Renee says a lot of things that she doesn't understand, and that she can be on the cover of Vogue wearing a size 8-10 and look darn good doing it. It is so sad that getting a size 8 woman on the cover of a magazine seems like an insurmountable feat. Whitney tells Renee that she will show her that she's a model. Renee says, "Waitin' to see it," and Whitney tells her to shut the heck up and get out of her face. Awesome. I am going to start saying that to people all the time.
A little while later, Whitney tells Diana what happened, and Diana is all Jersey and incensed about it. Whitney says that Renee was trying to say that they weren't really models. Diana interviews, "Renee...she's, like, the bitch. You just...don't want to listen to her anymore." Why would you listen to her in the first place? She's obviously full of crap all the time. Back in the room, Diana says, "I'm mad. Ho ho ho ho, my God." And Diana, here's a tip: plus-sized girls shouldn't invoke Santa Claus to express their outrage. Commercials.
We return. Or at least I think we return. And then we appear to be in the middle of a Sears commercial. But there's Renee's voice. Is it all a dream? Ah, no. It turns out that the girls took a trip to the Sears warehouse, where they encountered two mannequins. Renee thought that they were realistic-looking mannequins. And it turns out...they're actually twin brother male models Lawrence and Gregory Zarian. They have worked in the fashion industry for over ten years, and are apparently Sears spokesmodels or something. The Zarians say, "Ladies, we heard that you learned how to dress yourselves." Once they learn to tie their own shoes and spell their names, they'll be unstoppable! The challenge for today is to create some fashionable looks for an in-store display. Their major problem, of course, is that they have to use Sears clothing. Not that there's anything wrong with Sears. If you are getting tires. The Zarians point to their own display, which is cleverly titled "Zarian²." Creative thinking, there, Zarian brothers. At least they didn't say anything about doubling our pleasure.
Anyway, the girls are split up into three teams, with three members each. Dionne interviews that when she found out that her teammates were going to be Sarah and Renee, she was like, "Mmph. Sarah and Renee." I want Dionne to follow me around and just narrate my life as it happens. I love her so. She really will make the best dentist ever. Can you imagine her finding a giant cavity in one of your molars? "Day-um! How the hay-ell did you get that big-ass crater in your tooth? Girl, I thought I told you that floss is boss!" In any case, she doesn't talk much to Sarah and Renee, so she isn't thrilled. If she talked to them a lot, she'd be even less thrilled. And speaking of Sarah, she apparently thought that they were going to an Indigo Girls concert, given that she is rocking her pixie haircut with a plaid flannel jacket. Each team has two racks of clothing, and "everything they could want" in terms of accessories. What if they want something that isn't cheap and tacky or a plastic squirrel? WHAT THEN, Zarian twin? Seriously, there are plastic squirrels. The girls will be evaluated both independently and as a group; their looks have to look good together. Natasha says that she's with Whitney and Jael, and that the three of them are so different that she doesn't know how they're going to do it. The teams each have twenty minutes to get their display ready. At the end of twenty minutes, they have to be in place and on their display platforms, or they will be disqualified.
The girls begin the challenge! There is running around and hoedown music and lots of chaos. Dionne tells us that, because she had experience in retail, she set to task picking the girls' outfits. And it makes perfect sense to let the girl whom the judges ragged on for dressing so bad, and who is currently wearing a denim shirt with jeans, pick the outfits for the display, you know? But still: Dionne = love. She interviews that Sarah is running around getting all kinds of crazy shit for the display, like fake flowers and flowerpots. More running around! More craziness! Jaslene says that she's never won a challenge, and because of that, she's dying inside. It's too bad Jaslene doesn't have a flair for the dramatic. Five minutes left! The girls are told to wrap it up. Sarah runs over and asks her teammates which outfit is hers. Which, of course, indicates that the outfit has already been picked out for her. This information becomes important later. The girls run to their platforms, and time runs out. We cut to Natasha whispering to Whitney that she should be on the podium. She says it again, and Jael tells her to shush. Poor Natasha gets no respect, man.
The Zarian brothers look at Sarah, Dionne, and Renee first. They are called the Spring Monarchs. Or, rather, the "Spring Monarch's." The misuse of the apostrophe is really one of our biggest problems in this day and age. The Zarians like that each girl picked an outfit that complements her skin tone and hair color. Sarah gives a big smile.
is Tres Flores or, as the Zarians translate for us, "Three Flowers." The Zarians are not only models, but bilingual as well! Can you say dream guy...squared!!! And before I go on, I have to mention that Miss Itty, my soon to be fourteen-year-old cat, is cleaning her paws to me, and her breath appears to have been drawn from some otherworldly festering pool. It seriously makes me want to vomit. I hope that Dionne becomes a cat dentist and makes house calls, before it is too late. She'd be all, "Day-um, cat! Your breath is bangin'!" But where was I? Ah, yes, Tres Flores. The colors complement their looks, but the girls don't complement each other. Basically, they suck. Sorry, Jaslene, Diana, and Brittany!
And last but not least are Jael, Natasha, and Whitney. They are "Aphrodity's Box." Oh, dear. Even the Zarians have to ask who spelled that. And I mean, Whitney goes to Dartmouth! I think it was Jael who spelled it, but still. I think the bigger issue of the whole thing, however, is that the name makes it sound like you'd be going to Sears to get a big ol' box o' vibrators and tangerine-flavored sensual massage lotion. Or, like, that Aphrodite can fit three live mannequins in her vagina. Which, hey, goddess of love and all. Anyway, Natasha tells the Zarians that when you name something, you can spell it as wrong or as right as you want. Sarah interviews that Natasha is the used-car salesman of America's Top Model. It's true, man. The Zarians really like the display. It's a lot simpler and cleaner than the other ones, despite the wall of butt plugs.
But! There is a problem. A Zarian Twin says that if you're going to be in this business, you have to listen. They would have picked "Aphrodity's Box" as the winner, because their look was the best, but they told the girls that they had to be on their spaces. Meaning that all of the girls had to be on the little podium. And Whitney, the Dartmouth student, is sitting on the floor. And Natasha, who said herself that she doesn't even speak basic words, totally knew that and tried to tell her! Thus, the girls are disqualified. And Whitney would have been the individual winner, too! Whitney feels pretty dumb about the whole thing, as she should. So, the actual winners are the "Spring Monarch's" -- Sarah, Renee, and Dionne. And the person who picked a look that complemented her body type, skin color, and figure perfectly is...Sarah. She wins the challenge. Sarah is overjoyed. Cut to a death glare from Dionne. A pissed Dionne interviews that she dressed Sarah, so should be getting a little recognition. She adds a "day-um," for good measure. Renee then interviews that she picked out all the jewlery, and picked out Sarah's shirt, and Dionne picked out the pants. Basically, Sarah did nothing except manage not to get a plastic squirrel for their display. Cut to Sarah saying that she saw the blue shirt and loved it, because it complements her hair color. Dionne is SEETHING. And seriously...it's kind of whack of Sarah not to toss some credit to the people who dressed her. Then again, the whole set-up of the challenge is pretty stupid, and they should have told the girls that the individual winner would be chosen on the basis of the outfit, so that each girl would have dressed herself. Sarah's prize is awesome: she gets to do the photo shoot twice. She'll shoot it once; then sit with Jay, who will go through her film and tell her what worked and what didn't; and then she gets to do the shoot again. Sarah is duly excited and oblivious to the fact that she really isn't deserving. Dionne wants to stab her in the head with a tongue scraper.
Whitney is sick to her stomach that she could have won the awesome prize but was disqualified. She interviews that Natasha was, in fact, telling her a valuable piece of information, but that she tends to tune Natasha out because of how much she talks. You'd do the same to someone trying to purr in your ear all the time. Natasha points out to the other girls that she was right. She interviews that Whitney heard her, but didn't pay attention. None of the girls listens to her, she says, or even give her a chance to speak up. Back at home, in the kitchen, Whitney whispers to Renee that nobody knows whether Natasha is really married, because she doesn't have a wedding ring, and she and her husband have been married for three or four years. Whitney thinks that it's suspect, and Renee agrees. And I agree with them, but I do feel a little bad for Natasha at the same time, and kind of think everyone should get out of her business a little bit and just wait with the rest of us for the big reveal later in the season.
Natasha says that all of the mean girls have stayed in the house, and that they have no respect for her. And that's not making her happy. Cut to Natasha on the phone with Stuart again, except instead of meowing she is now yelling, "Why are they picking on me now?" Stuart says that he thought she was getting along with the girls, and Natasha says, in the saddest voice ever, "Yeah, I thought so too." Stuart tells her not to get upset. Natasha asks in a small voice if he doesn't understand, and says that maybe she didn't explain it right, or he just doesn't take it seriously. Stuart says that he does understand, but that Natasha has to be tough now. Natasha starts bawling and says that if everybody picked on him every day, he wouldn't be tough. Just before we get to hear Stuart tell Natasha that she's good enough, smart enough, and doggone it people like her, we head to commercials.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail. "Dude! Where's my lipstick? Love, Tyra." The girls think that this might mean they're posing with guys, and get all atwitter. Natasha sits in bed with some magazines, saying that Tyra and Jay asked her to buy a lot of magazines and study posing and facial expressions. She thinks that she's getting better, and that it will help her at the photo shoot. Too bad her limited English skills led her to the purchase of National Geographic. That shit is not always fierce, yo.
Jay Manuel meets the girls the day, and tells them that -- given all their learnings of the past few days -- they're going to have to style themselves for the shoot. They race to a few racks of clothes, undress and redress, and stand before him. Yeesh. Jay tells them that they look a mess, and need some help in the style department. And who will help them? Male models! Jay says that it might be fun if the girls wear the guys' clothes. And, conversely, if the guys wear the girls' clothes. Which they will do without incident, because they are drag queens! I'm sorry, but I totally dreamed this season. week's photo shoot will have them dressing up like pork products.
The girls and the guys get made up. Renee interviews that it's confusing when you see dudes looking like ladies, and vice versa. A mustachioed Jael stands in her bra and says, "I'm a hot dude."
Jaslene is the first to shoot. Her character is "Nautical Boy," which she says means that she's a man in his yacht enjoying the beauty of nature. We get a quick glimpse of her drag queen's pixilated package, and then we are off to the races. The boat races! Jaslene seems to do well, despite the fact that she looks like I did when I dressed up as a hobo for Halloween in the fourth grade. This is not her fault. Jay says that Jaslene commanded the set, and is stepping up her game. And, I mean, this photo shoot is kind of tailored to her strengths, is it not?
is Brittany, who is one half of an outdoorsy couple. She looks like a big ol' redneck. Her partner, who is a big black drag queen, lays his head in her lap, which cracks up everyone on set. It even is a struggle for Brittany not to laugh. Jay says that not only did Brittany have great shots, but the whole thing was entertaining as hell. Or, as Dionne would say, "entertaining as hay-ell."
Renee is as a glam rocker. Jay tells her to clench her jaw to get a more masculine look. She has Jaslene's chin dimple drawn on her for extra masculine effect. Jay likes Renee's energy, attitude, and variety.
Jael is as part of the "bohemian couple." Diana laughs that she looks like a crackhead. And seriously...I don't even know how to describe how Jael looks. Maybe like a French crackhead. Who likes to combine houndstooth with Navajo prints. It's weird, man. Jael tells us that she allowed her soul to be captured in a photograph, and is actually turning herself inside out. I don't know if she's in crackpot character, or if that's just her normal crackpot self speaking. The line, it is fine.
is Dionne, who is part of the "power couple." Dionne looks kind of like a young, sleek Al Sharpton. Then again, I think everybody looks like Al Sharpton. Jay wants Dionne to have more interaction with her drag queen. He asks where she's getting her inspiration from, and she says she's thinking of ads with male models in business suits, and how they just look sort of stoic and like they're just standing there. Jay doesn't want her to think that she can do nothing on this shoot. He interviews that Dionne needs to learn how to step up her game and become a top model.
Sarah, the challenge winner, is the "rocker." She looks like Oliver. I'm sorry, but the styling for some of the girls is really terrible. Her initial round of shots is too pose-y, and she gets a lot of criticism from Jay. As her prize, she gets to go look at her photos, and Jay tells her what's wrong with her poses. Meanwhile, Renee whispers to Diana (who, because this show is intent on spreading sexual confusion throughout the world, is wearing a drawn-on beard and tiny t-shirt that reveals her plentiful cleavage) that Sarah didn't pick out her outfit at the challenge at all. Renee says that if she were Dionne, she would be pissed as hell. And Dionne, in fact, is pissed as hay-ell. Sarah does a lot better the second time around, and Jay tells her that the challenge victory might have saved her in the competition. She does a dorky happy dance.
Whitney is as part of the "collegiate couple." In some unquantifiable way, she looks like the Monopoly guy. Whitney wants to prove to Renee -- and, I'm sure, to all the haters out there -- that she, and anyone over 120 pounds, is good enough to be in the competition. Jay says that when Whitney steps on set, she overanalyzes, and is guarded and awkward. He tells her that she has a great face and body, but that he wishes he could throw somebody else in there to use it.
there is Natasha. Her role is part of a "hip-hop couple," and so she does what any thinking person would do: goes to the black folk. She heads to Dionne and Whitney for advice on how to act, and they tell her to say "What it do, shorty?" She does, to hilarious effect. Maybe this is what hip-hop is doing to white people in general -- making us unknowingly sound ridiculous, and then laughing at us in front of our faces. Dionne says that Natasha is bringing her A-game, and that she practiced her character from the time they were in hair and makeup until she got on set. She also puts some foil on her teeth to make a grille. The makeup people love it. When Natasha goes to shoot, Jay says that he doesn't have anything to say to her because she scares him. And then, she is awesome. Everyone is dying because she's so hilarious. She says that it was great to have all the positive energy around her, and that she loves having an audience. Jay interviews that Natasha knows how to impress people. What it do, shorty. What it do, indeed. Sarah tells us that Natasha has blossomed in the competition. Natasha interviews that she loves modeling, because you can play characters that you'd never be in your real life. Like a mail-order bride! Oh, wait.
In sharp contrast to Natasha's awesomeness is Diana, who is part of a "red-carpet couple." Jay tells her that the drag queen is outshining her. It's true. Renee pipes up to say that she thinks that Whitney and Diana feel pressure from looking around at the thinner girls, and that they think they have to step it up, and that the pressure is actually bringing them down. Jay tells Diana that he knows she's trying, but that it looks like she's bored. He asks her why she wants to be America's Top Model, and she quite ill-advisedly answers, "Just 'cause." Oh, dear. Jay is not about to let "just 'cause" fly. He wishes that Diana knew why she wants to be there. He says that she has the body and looks for modeling, but he doesn't know if she has the passion. I actually don't know if she has the command of language. She's just not the most articulate. See, "Ho ho ho ho, my God!" above. Whitney gives a crying Diana a pep talk, telling her to be strong and get it together, saying that they face enough obstacles as it is. But they get to eat actual food, which I think would be a plus. Diana worries that this is going to get her sent home, and her tears roll us away to commercials on a yacht piloted by Jaslene.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home! Whitney says that she didn't perform to the best of her ability, and is really nervous. She knows that the judges like her personality, and she hopes that she's able to convey that she has supermodel tendencies. Diana is also worried. She understands that she needs to be strong and confident at Panel, because if they see her break down, they'll think she's not strong enough to handle this. Well, I think we just got a preview of our bottom two! Subtle, my editing friends!
A photo of a slick-looking Tyra-man leads us into judging. And there is Tyra, looking so pretty! Seriously, she looks lovely. I think it's no coincidence that her hair is back and she's wearing clothes that actually cover her body. The whole ensemble is very demure. There are prizes, there are judges. Cathy Gould is the guest judge, and gives an ominous "Good evening, ladies."
Dionne is up first. She is sporting a pompadour, perhaps in homage to the week's photo-shoot theme. The judges note how much better she's looking in her black tank top and jeans -- she's head to toe a model. Well done, Dionne! Twiggy says that her photo is amazing, and Nigel says it's so wrong it's right. He says that about everything. Ms. J. loves how relaxed her body is, and Dionne says that she learned that from him. Tyra jumps in saying, "You learned how to be a man from Ms. J.?" and everyone laughs. She then says, "And the drag queens learn how to be women from me!" Strike that, reverse it, and we're in business.
Jaslene is , wearing a giant red-rimmed leopard-print belt that the judges make her remove. Jaslene is a stunning boy. Twiggy says, "You look like a fella!" And a good-looking one at that, says Nigel. Tyra says that the whole thing is effortless -- Jaslene didn't have to act like a boy, it was coming from inside. Um, well, yeah.
Then there is Whitney, whose chest is huge. They couldn't airbrush that out? Cathy says that Whitney looks uncomfortable. Whitney says that she was going for a pompous, chin-up look. Tyra says that she thought Whitney was doubting herself and was confused, and adds that Mr. Jay said she was the worst of the day and needs to let go.
Jael's shot is ridiculous, and gets a laugh from everyone. Nigel says that Jael looks too feminine, and Twiggy thinks that the drag queen steals the scene. Tyra notes that Jael is popping her hip out, and couldn't break her femininity, which she found shocking.
Sarah, of course, was the controversial challenge winner, and she really benefited. Twiggy loves the shot, though Cathy Gould pipes up to say that she looks like a girl. Nigel agrees with Twiggy, saying that it's a good, cool, sexy picture. Cathy says that it's beautiful, but that it doesn't work. Tyra tells Sarah that it's a good thing she won the challenge.
Renee is up . Ms. J. says that glam rock is a bit soft and feminine, and so is Renee's picture. Nigel says that he likes this look -- the women are women, and shouldn't ever really look like guys. Twiggy loves Renee's jawline and nose, and the other judges commend her clenched jaw. It's good to have accomplishments.
Diana's face in her shot is slightly dead, according to Twiggy, and Nigel thinks she looks like a mannequin. Tyra says that Diana rests on pretty, and brings up the "just 'cause" incident. Diana says she's so mad that she said it like that. Tyra tells Diana that it's important to have a passion for fashion, and that Mr. Jay didn't see that in her eyes. Say it with me now: passion for fashion, passion for fashion, passion for fashion!
Brittany is and does a bang-up job as usual, despite the fact that her weave is way beyond economical repair. She gets love love love from the judges.
And last but not least is Natasha. The judges laugh at her photo, and love it. Twiggy says that Natasha's wonderful, joyous spirit and sense of humor appear in her photographs. Tyra says that Natasha's study of fashion magazines has paid off, though Nigel notes that her head is once again upside-down in her photograph. Mr. Jay passed along the fact that Natasha was one of his favorites for the day, and entertained the entire room. Natasha tells everyone that the foil grille was her idea, and Nigel says that Natasha is the only person he knows who can boast about herself and be charming at the same time. It's true that she possesses a rare gift in that department. Now she gets to tell the other girls to go fuck themselves. Hooray!
The judges deliberate. Natasha lights up the room, according to Twiggy, who loves her to bits. Nigel agrees that she's improving by leaps and bounds, but thinks she's a big weirdo. Jaslene's photograph is great, and Nigel thinks she's the most photogenic girl there. Dionne wins the Most Improved award. Ms. J. loves Brittany, and Cathy has something nonsensical to say about her needing to be more than pretty. I am not feeling Cathy. Twiggy loves Renee, and thinks she looks like a model. Cathy likes Sarah and thinks she has model potential, but didn't think she got the photo shoot. Diana is a great-looking girl with incredible potential, and has a perfect full-sized figure, but she doesn't have any oomph or fire. Twiggy says that Diana is boring and bland and doesn't understand what they're trying to find. Whitney is a sweet girl, but Twiggy still doesn't think she's a model. Nigel also thinks that she isn't delivering great photos, and mentions her inability to hide her boobs. Tyra tells them to give her a break. Jael's is the worst picture of the bunch, according to Nigel, but he believes that she's improving. Cathy just laughs and says that if Jael came in for an open call, she'd just say . Day-um!
The girls stand before Tyra. She calls Natasha's name first, and Natasha is overjoyed. are Dionne, Brittany, Jaslene, Sarah, Renee, and Jael. Oh no! This means that Whitney and Diana are in the final two. Oh, it's kind of sad. Tyra even looks a little choked up. Tyra has wanted to have two full-figured models on the show for cycles and cycles, and finally her dream came true. It's disappointing to her, because she sees such potential in both Diana and Whitney. Diana is strong and beautiful, but lacking fire and passion. Whitney loves herself and knows that she's fine, but it's difficult to capture this in a photo. So who goes home? Well, Diana, clearly. I mean, I thought she had a chance early on, but she really is personality-deficient. Whitney cries and cries. Awww. Diana gives Tyra a big hug, and Tyra gives Diana a big pep talk. Jael runs up and hugs her, and then everyone else follows suit. Top Model group hug of sadness!
Diana says that she will miss Whitney the most, and that it was very hard to be in the bottom two with her. She cries and says that she's glad Whitney can stay and represent for both of them. Diana tells us that she's not going to be America's Top Model, but that we'll see her again. She offers the eventual winner congratulations, and that's that.
week: special guest stars Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, and 50 Cent! Also, Jael smacks down Renee. Day-um!