This week is all about action and, in some cases, inaction. The girls get a lesson from model/athlete Gabby Reece, who teaches them how to dive in the sand for a volleyball while trying to look remotely graceful and modelesque. The majority of them look pretty stupid, but college volleyball player Jaeda manages to do an okay job, for once. Then it's on to the wild world of Nascar, where the girls have to jump on and pretend to pummel some poor race car driver who is I guess pretty famous in the world of Nascar. No disrespect, but, despite my penchant for country music, I am just not the authority to turn to when it comes to Nascar. Despite poking her stiletto heel into the hood of the car and producing some whack facial expressions, Michelle wins the challenge. She picks Caridee, Amanda, and Melrose to share in her prize, but then is totally punked when a mini-challenge within the prize leads Melrose to win everything. In news that will surprise no one, everyone still hates Melrose and Anchal still has some body and general confidence issues. For their photo shoot of the week, which for some reason involved Cover Girl product in space, the girls go indoor skydiving. This basically involves being blown around by a big fan (under the supervision of an expert, of course, who holds them and prevents them from blowing all the way up into actual space, or at least the top of the indoor skydiving chamber). The results are seriously mixed. Most girls have some trouble keeping their bodies under control, with Caridee in particular flailing around like a fish and almost killing the poor guy holding her. A pretty stupid judging test solidifies the panel's ideas of who is "committed" and "wants" it, and who doesn't, which leads Michelle and Anchal to be in the bottom two. In the end, the twin get to stick around, and Anchal is sent home to eat all the damn eggs she wants to.
Previously: The girls learned sexy moves from burlesque sensation Dita Von Teese. A dinner runway show for the folks from Elite Models left Anchal feeling like a hoss. Fabio and his manly chest posed with the girls for a romance novel cover shoot. Brooke went home on the night of her high-school graduation. The show's very talented writers had jobs. Seriously, if you want to see some real bitches, check out the offices of The CW.
It is night. The girls return home to a letter from Brooke. Jaeda says that Brooke's elimination was a big shock, and everyone was so sad. Caridee strums a guitar while wearing a hat with a tag on it, thus making her look like the exact replica of some sick fuck's Minnie Pearl fantasy, as Melrose swills a glass of Chardonnay and eulogizes Brooke in song. The song goes, "We love you Brooke, and we gonna miss you like hell / You brought to this house a feeling I could feel." A feeling that people could feel, eh? Perhaps it's more than a feeling. Or a feeling that people can't fight any longer. Or feelings, nothing more than feelings. In any case, I think that Bob Dylan should rest assured that there is no new lyricist rising through the ranks to oust him, at least not from the Top Model house. Which makes me think: you know Bob Dylan totally watches this show. In fact, he probably had the Minnie Pearl fantasy.
Melrose says that she saw the biggest improvement in Brooke of anybody. Caridee says that it sucks, because so many people don't appreciate the opportunity. Close-up on Michelle, who is looking all around like, "Oh, huh? Is someone speaking? Does somebody want me to bring them some water? Can't I see that they're burning alive?" Melrose says that she could be a model for TEN WHOLE YEARS and be happy. Michelle finally pipes up and says that she's different than the others, because this was never her dream. She interviews that she has the talent to be the model, but doesn't know if she has everything that it takes, such as knowledge of fashion. And, one would infer, desire. She tells the others that she has no idea what she's doing, and she's not figuring it out. Melrose gives Michelle a little bit of the fish eye. Melrose confessionalizes that she wants to win this and do big things with her life, and she's seeing people stay week after week who don't even want it. Hey Melrose? No one cares, because everybody hates you.
Tyra Mail! "If you could bump one girl out of the competition, who would it be?" I expect a rousing chorus of, "MELROSE!!!!" Caridee deflects the fact that everyone is clearly thinking that by asking why everyone's looking at her. Oh, Caridee, unexpected tactician of tact.
Suddenly it's all sunny and we're at the beach. Hey, the beach! I remember when it was warm and didn't get dark at 4:30, too! Those were good times. The girls run through the sand and frolic until they come to professional athlete and model Gabrielle Reece, who is there to teach them about action modeling. Michelle says that she's really excited to see Gabby, because she's the perfect example of someone who is athletic and can also model. And, also, she's pretty hot. Gabby says that she used to model, and played professional beach volleyball after that. She always did modeling that had a lot of action in it. Jaeda tells us that she plays volleyball in college, and so she was excited to see Gabrielle. It gave her a better attitude about this whole competition. Until she noticed Gabby's lovely, flowing locks, and then it was back to he customary whining.
Gabby says that she's going to teach the girls to dive for a volleyball and look good for the camera. She sends them off to put on the appropriate attire, which is in this case a bikini. Everyone's stripping down and whatnot, and then there is Anchal, who says that her fat is going to jiggle everywhere. Anchal interviews that she's not a sporty person and her body isn't in the best shape right now. She isn't happy to be in a bikini doing action moves. The editors helpfully zoom into her stomach which, in all fairness, is indeed a little jiggly. I'm not saying that mine looks a whole lot better, because Lord knows hitting thirty was not kind to my love handles. But I think Anchal just has the kind of body type that does not lend itself well to a six-pack. It's a curvy and voluptuous and gorgeous body, but I can see how, even though she's not fat by any stretch, she might have some issues standing to all those bony bitches. She tells the other girls that she feels gross and doesn't want to be there. Oh, then quit the show and go eat a Ring Ding. God. Melrose interviews that Anchal doesn't like to be in a bikini because she has a little extra weight on her that, as a model, she can't really have. I say go for being a plus-sized model. It seems like the best deal. You can be, like, a size ten and a totally healthy weight and still work and also eat a big cream puff in front of all those other models who are starving themselves. That would be awesome.
When we return, there is more Tyra Mail. "Are you going to snap when the pressure is on?" Yes, I am going to snap towels at Melrose's head.
The girls ride in their limo out into the desert or something, where there is a race track. Jaeda says that they walked to the race track, where they saw "the crazy guy." It is James St. James. He is wearing some sort of leather jumpsuit with buttons and bows and shoulder pads and a turban. He looks like Norma Desmond as played by a cockroach in the Cockroach Community Theater's Version of Sunset Boulevard. James St. James introduces himself as an author, bon vivant, and NASCAR enthusiast. Seriously, who describes themselves as a bon vivant? Or a NASCAR enthusiast? Amanda helpful tells us that James is really "out there." Well, he can stay there. He also talks just like Carol Channing, and I don't know if it's a legitimate speech impediment or an affectation. He is there to judge the girls for their challenge. He introduces them to Stanton Barrett, who is "the hunk muffin of racing." Stanton Barrett plays it cool, but you know all of his racing friends still refer to him as "the future Mrs. Stanton St. James."
Today the girls are going to shoot action shots. The premise of the shoot is that Stanton Barrett is the girls' boyfriend, and has told them that their career isn't important. They have to be angry with him, and leap and jump at him. They will also have a remote control that operates a camera, which means that they'll be their own photographer. It's kind of cool, if a bit overcomplicated. Each girl has ten minutes to get dressed. There is wardrobe and hair and makeup in the parking lot, and the girls have to strip down in front of everyone, which I'm sure Stanton Barrett brings up every time his friends tease him and buy him a turban with an "SSJ" monogram for his birthday.
Eugena is first. Her first photo is awesome. Overall, she seems to do a pretty good job. Then there's Melrose. Whatevs. Jaeda looks like she is actually going to take Stanton Barrett down. Amanda is wearing a perilously short skirt. Caridee says to Stanton, "This is your last race, bitch. Final lap." She goes after Stanton with the checkered flag. She looks insane. She tells Stanton that they'll have make-up sex later, and then unconvincingly says that she's just joking.
Anchal is , and Melrose comments that she's too pretty for this shot. James tells her to bring her anger, passion, and drama. She's all timid about the whole thing. Just pretend that it's Melrose! Hit him hard! Anchal says that she's afraid she's going to hurt Stanton. Dude, Caridee practically impaled him. Then Anchal says that she's afraid of her boob falling out. James St. James says that he doesn't care about her boobs, which one could have safely guessed. The other girls have really had enough with her. She says that she's not an angry person, and Stanton Barrett then becomes the voice of reason, telling her that she has to be angry, because it's her career. He asks how bad she wants this. Melrose says that Anchal doesn't even show that she's trying, and it's frustrating.
The girls rush in and start grabbing jewelry and piling clothes on themselves. Jaeda, Eugena, and Anchal are forced to stand there and watch, which Jaeda notes is pretty cruel. All of the girls make it back in time, and Kate starts counting their items. Caridee has seven. Michelle has eleven. Amanda has ten. So Michelle is in the lead so far, which is as it should be. And then, there's Melrose. She has thirteen and yells out in glee. Stanton tells everyone to give Melrose their clothes. She does a happy dance of greed. Michelle interviews that she didn't know there was a challenge within her challenge prize, and says that she gets nothing unless Melrose chooses to give her something. This, of course, sucks. All the girls hand over their stuff to Melrose, who says that it's like a dream. Eugena notes that she, Anchal and Jaeda were all laughing, because Melrose understood the rules and the other girls didn't, and so she grabbed everything. Melrose interviews that it was great to get all the clothes, but she's feeling like all the other girls are wanting to kill her right now. Wow, that Melrose is perceptive.
Back at the house, the girls are in the kitchen. Michelle says that she's closest to her sister and Caridee, and that she and Anchal have a love-hate relationship. Anchal is sitting right there, so I'm not sure what exactly is going on in this conversation. Anchal interviews that the girls were all talking about who they liked and didn't like in the beginning. I guess she is not on many people's "like" list, because she says again that she feels like she has no friends in the house. Suddenly, Melrose says that Anchal acts like a child. Anchal says that Melrose doesn't even know her to say that. Melrose says that Anchal has no respect for other people's space. She's walked into Melrose ten times in the house and never thought twice about it. Maybe she was hoping that Melrose had a concussion and would shut up for once. Anchal is an optimist. Anchal interviews that she can't talk to these girls. She just wants to get away from it, because it's affecting her, which is bad. Well, the Democrats are running Congress now. I'm sure they'll take care of it. Commercials.
In Dani(elle)'s My Life As A Cover Girl, she has a giant bouffant. There is no explanation why.
When we return, there is Tyra Mail! Hey, I just realized that we haven't seen Tyra all episode! Awesome. "Tomorrow you'll defy the biggest model stereotype. Don't be an airhead. Love, Tyra." Melrose says that it's going to be something about models being stupid. Yeah, called America's Top Model Season 7.
The girls head to an airport, where they see skydivers. Jay jumps out of a plane, and tells the girls that today is about being in flight. They've got expert action photographer, Patrik Giardino, to shoot the girls. The extra-exciting news it that today is the girls' first Cover Girl assignment. Cover Girl is adding a new foundation to their line of products -- TruBlend Whipped Foundation. It will make your face feel easy, breezy, and beautiful, like the back of a horse's bottom. TruBlend is all about being light and weightless, and so, quite logically, the girls will be playing sexy space sirens. Jay says that they're not going to take the girls up 14,000 feet and throw them out of a plane. Not even Melrose? PLEASE? However, the girls will be put in the air. There is a skydiving training facility at the airport, so the girls will be put over a huge fan that makes them airborne. Anchal says that she's always wanted to take an indoor skydiving lesson, so this is super-exciting.
The girls go in the facility, where they meet instructor Shane Hillyer, who has some cool moves. He tells them that the key to flying with the fan is staying slow and controlled. Remember this. The girls go to hair and makeup, where there is a lot of talk about how awesome and natural TruBlend Whipped Foundation is.
Michelle is first. She is sort of a test case for the fact that it's hard to look pretty when a fan is blowing you all around. She tells us that an instructor holds them the whole time, but once you reach out to change your position, it's really easy to lose your balance and your body flips everywhere. Jay says that Michelle's body language was good, but her body lacked a lot of grace and her hands looked like catcher's mitts. Oh, get an original line! Michelle says that the whole thing was harder than she thought it would be, and she doesn't think she did that great. It all sort of looks like that scene in Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (the original, of course) where Charlie and Grandpa Joe have to burp themselves down or get chopped to bits in the fan.
is Jaeda, who is feeling confident about the shoot because she has a Cover girl face and a Cover Girl attitude. She tells us that when you step into the chamber, your whole face is flapping all over the place. She worked really hard to keep her body and face relaxed. Jay tells us that in general Jaeda is not the most graceful girl on set, but this shoot might save her, because she looked great. Then there is Amanda, whose lanky body is flying everywhere. She says that she had a hard time getting used to it, and that it was a lot of work. Anchal says that Amanda's body was flailing around like a rag doll. If Amanda is Raggedy Ann, Anchal is just raggedy. Amanda says that the whole thing was crazy, but so much fun. Jay loved that Amanda put one arm up and reached the other to her chest. It looked graceful, like a ballerina in the sky. In crappy makeup.
Anchal is , and Sutan tells her to suck it in. Anchal says that she is sucking it in, and Sutan tells her to suck it in harder. Anchal hopes that she gets some good pictures, but is kind of nervous. Melrose, full of the commentary as usual, says that Anchal is doing the same thing the whole time. Anchal saw the other girls looking at her while she was flipping around, and wanted them to stop. Jay says that Anchal didn't come off as graceful, as if that's anything new. Jay hates Anchal! Eugena is , and Jay tells her that if she wants to change arm positions, she needs to do it really slowly. Eugena kind of flails around, too. She says that this shoot is important. The judges keep telling her that she has no face in pictures, so her goal was to have a nice face through the goggles and helmet and the wind, etc. She seems to do a pretty decent job.
And then it's time for Melrose. Jay says that she always gives them a great shot, and he wants her to make the other girls hate her even more. Before entering the chamber, she says, "I don't know if that's possible," in a really good natured way. Okay, that was kind of endearing. And it's good to see a little self-awareness! Melrose interviews that she thinks because she's doing well, she's intimidating other girls. Okay, forget what I said about self-awareness. Caridee interviews that Melrose is her biggest competition, because Melrose tries as hard as she does. Jay says that, though he wanted Melrose to be great, she was actually pretty flat. Melrose's face read completely blank. He tells her that she lost it. She's not happy. Anchal is overjoyed that Melrose wasn't the best. I was happy about it too, and then I got to panel and that good feeling was lost. But more on that later.
Caridee is raring to go, and says that this is the coolest thing she's ever done. Cooler than Dennis Quaid? How can it be so?!? She was a little apprehensive at first because she gets motion sickness easily, but says that she felt free and light in the air. But watching her, she is like a crackhead in a wind tunnel. She is flailing all over the place, and at one point knocks the instructor who's holding her into the wall. Yikes. Jay says that Caridee didn't listen when they told all the girls to make their movements really slow. But to her credit, she kept reaching for the Cover Girl foundation while flailing. Caridee says that she was twisting and turning and taking the instructors for a ride. They were really tired afterwards. We see them lying down by the chamber, all bruised and battered.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home! Melrose thinks that this week will be a hard Panel. She wears a funny mustache with her beret and mugs. She looks like a Super Mario Brother. She feels like she probably got a good photo, but since there wasn't any positive feedback, she won't walk into Panel as confident as she has been in the past. Anchal weighs in with her opinion that Melrose should go home because she's the most freaking annoying person that Anchal has ever met. Michelle says that she's tired of people leaving, and it's making her depressed. Eugena says that if the judges see a jacked up picture, they'll send the jacked-up model in that photo home. With that bit of profundity, we have commercials.
The photo that brings us into Panel is not one of Tyra in an indoor skydiving facility. And it's a good thing, because I don't think Photoshop is ready for that kind of jiggle. There are prizes and judges. The guest judge is Gabby Reece. Tyra totally wants to get with her.
Eugena is called up first. Tyra tells her that for the judging test today, the girls will have to demonstrate their understanding of modeling and action by acting out a verb and adverb chosen at random. Eugena has to shake flirtatiously. Miss J. notes that she couldn't get a better combination. It's true. Amanda has to ski sadly. Pretend you're Sonny Bono! Jaeda has to skip sensually, which entails a lot of rubbing herself. Michelle has to swim frightfully. Well, that frightened me. Anchal has to dance aggressively. She just kind of stands there, and then moves her arms around a little bit. Oy. And then there's Melrose, who has to box joyfully. Melrose gets a big smile and puts her hands on either side of her head, like a mime in a box. Like, a cardboard box. On her head. Which maybe makes some sense. If you're an idiot. The judges all make fun of her. Caridee has to hide dizzily. She crawls all around on the floor looking...dizzy. There is a montage of all the girls doing their verb/adverb combinations, and it prominently features Caridee, who's clearly the best. Anchal actually runs out of the room when her task is over, which the judges note. Wacky music plays. Or, should I say, the music plays wackily.
So now it's time for the actual judging. Eugena could have shimmied more in her dance according to Twiggy, who thought the whole endeavor was half-hearted. Tyra says that Eugena reminded her a little of Naomi Campbell, who likes to dance at her photo shoots. What she means is that she hates Eugena a little bit, which makes her think of Naomi Campbell, whom she hates a lot. Nigel says that she was photogenic throughout the whole thing, which was good. Eugena's photo is pretty weak. Tyra sees more of an astronaut than a model, and there's not a lot of face in the photo.
Amanda's skiing was scary rather than sad, according to Tyra, but she likes the fact that Amanda committed and tried, whereas some girls -- MICHELLE AND ANCHAL -- didn't try. Nigel thinks that Amanda looks like a dead spider in her photo. He says that her face is pretty and she's got great angles, but her body is so slim that she has to work with it to give them more angles.
Jaeda's sensual skipping gets applause from Tyra, but Miss J. says that she didn't want to be different when it came to the sensual part. Gabby says that she feels similar in being bigger, and that you should use your body every chance that you get. Jaeda kind of balks, I think at being called bigger, but Tyra says that Gabby just gave Jaeda a huge compliment in comparing her to herself. Tyra thinks that Jaeda's photo looks like Michael Jackson. She looks pretty chinny, and her pose isn't good.
Then there's Anchal, who gets roundly scolded for being so embarrassed and timid about everything they ask her to do. Tyra tells her that her exit from the judging Panel was one of the weirdest she's seen on Top Model, aside Jade's exit last season. Dude, no one is weirder than Jade, in any circumstance. Gabby tells Anchal that she needs to commit and be professional, and Tyra adds that this is a lesson not just for modeling, but for life. Anchal's photo is pretty in the face. Tyra says that Jay said that Anchal had some great shots, but in person she's not graceful. Nigel thinks that Anchal could have done more. Tyra thinks that she looks like Michael Jackson, too. Tyra is obsessed.
Melrose is , and the judges laugh at her boxing joyfully. Melrose says that when she walked out of the room she realized how dumb she was. Nonetheless, the judges loved that she committed, even to the wrong idea. It was so wrong it was right, and the judges note to Anchal that she should take a lesson from it. I bet Anchal loves that. She also must love the way that the judges rave over Melrose's photo. I have to say that it's good, but I don't loooooove it. Tyra says that she had been thinking that maybe the photo shoot was too challenging and she shouldn't have had the girls do it, but then Melrose came along and proved that the other bitches just suck.
Then there is Caridee, who is widely loved for her dizzy hiding. She gets a round of applause from all of the judges. Twiggy says it was fantastic and brilliant, and the judges relive the highlights from her performance. Caridee's photo also gets raves. Tyra says that she looks like a superhero propelling forward. Tyra does bring up, however, that Caridee was out of control on the shoot, and that she could have hurt herself. This is a bad thing, even though Twiggy totally laughs. God, Twiggy, be serious! Someone could have poked out an eye!
Then there is Michelle. The judges say that she was supposed to swim frighteningly. Nigel says, "And it was pretty frightFUL, I'm afraid." Well then she should get kudos, because her mission was to swim FRIGHTFULLY. Bitches. Michelle should kick them all in the teeth. Except for Gabby Reece, who deserves none of our ire. Michelle gets flak for not committing. Tyra says that when she sees girls like Michelle and Anchal, it makes her think about the girls from casting who would have done anything to be in the competition. When Michelle doesn't commit, Tyra feels like she's wasted space. Yowie. Tyra notes, however, that Michelle is the challenge winner, and says that she's got some issues around guys not thinking that a woman's career is as important, and that she came up with that shoot for personal reasons. Tyra, please don't try to humanize yourself. It only makes us uncomfortable. Twiggy likes Michelle's shot, and Tyra says that it's Michael Jackson again. Nigel likes the shot, too, but Tyra notes that Michelle's hands looked like catcher's mitts. Hey, the lady has some big hands. Some women would find that appealing.
The judges deliberate. Caridee photographs like a dream and makes the judges laugh. She's wonderful but she's crazy, and her tendency not to listen could be a liability. Anchal's photograph isn't bad, but overall she sucks. Melrose is dumb, but photographs amazingly and has a good attitude. Nigel says that the competition is separating into the girls who commit, and the girls who don't, and Melrose really commits. Amanda is good. Gabby loves Michelle's photograph, but Tyra doesn't know if she really wants this. Twiggy doesn't like Jaeda's photograph, but her attitude is improving. Eugena still isn't taking great pictures, but there's something very graceful and elegant about her. She needs to try harder.
Seven young ladies stand before Tyra. But Tyra only has six photos in her hands. And the photos go to: Caridee, Melrose, Jaeda, Amanda and Eugena. This, of course, leaves the girls who don't try -- Michelle and Anchal. Anchal's face is so beautiful that it's scary, but if she doesn't believe that and commit, the judges wonder why she's there and why she should continue in the competition. When you really want something, you show up hard and strong. And Michelle has natural talent. Some girls have it, even if they don't want it, and Michelle is one of those. But she has to want it, and then go on The Tyra Banks Show once every three months for the rest of her life to talk about what a fantastic, life-changing opportunity The Great and Powerful Tyra has given her. And also about how she's a lesbian. In any case, Michelle stays, and Anchal gets sent on the Gravy Boat home. Anchal and Caridee cry together. Anchal tells Melrose that she still hates her. Melrose laughs and jokes, but I think Anchal actually meant it. Anchal is disappointed in herself, but in a way she was expecting to be cut. She needs to get rid of her self-consciousness and then she'll be okay. She says that she believes that God has something planned for her. Yeah, like a big chicken pot pie. Hey, save some for me!