Everyone does a happy dance now that Monique is gone, but the bad news is that Melrose remains. She spends a good amount of time talking smack about Anchal, who has some serious body image and confidence issues as it is. Anchal feels bad and cries, when she really should just smack a bitch. There is dinner with Twiggy, who doesn't really dispense any useful advice, but manages not to get drunk and traumatize anyone unlike a certain former judge who shall not be named BUT WHO SHALL BE ON WEEK'S EPISODE!!! YES!!! The girls take a class with a contortionist, and then put their knowledge to use when they serve as living art and model a fashion collection for a designer. Eugena gets her second challenge win and banks $32,000 worth of jewelry. Tyra meets with the girls to talk about their fears, and also to tell a thinly-veiled tale of how mean Naomi Campell was to her. Don't you sometimes wish that cell phones had been more ubiquitous in Tyra's early modeling days? The girls pose as turn-of-the-century circus freaks, and must withstand a number of cumbersome appendages and ugly makeup, with some interesting results. Melrose fortunately rocks her old-lady look, which means that she'll be around for another week. Bearded lady Megg, however, is not so lucky. And that's not very rock n' roll! She is completely gracious when she leaves, and also fills us in on her future plans to be in a two-person band with her friend. And that friend is me, because I totally love Megg.
Previously: Monique and her crusty undies went home. Ten bitches remain!
It is evening in Los Angeles. Melrose, who is yet again in her raspberry beret (the kind you'd find in a secondhand store) tells Amanda that Monique battled Melrose the whole time she was there. Melrose was hoping that Monique would go home, and lo, it came to pass. Michelle interviews that Monique was the only girl in the house Michelle didn't like, and that when Monique was eliminated, everyone pretty much felt that justice was served. True justice would be Monique being locked into an airtight closet filled with a mountain of her own dirty underwear. Melrose interviews that being freed of the burden of wondering what Monique was going to do is a relief.
And then, there are lots of girls in a big shower, getting all steamy and generally making a ruckus. It's a real Porky's 2 (Porking Boogaloo) kind of moment. Melrose, who is lying in bed, says in a moaning way that they're all only going to get three hours of sleep. It is 1:15 AM. Someone else asks how many girls can fit in the damn shower, and everyone gives a big "Wooooo!" Megg goes over and laughs, but does not yell, "Rock N' Roll!!!! Six girls in a shower is so rad, dude!" as one might expect. Melrose stands up against the wall with a sheet wrapped around her, and notes that they're all only going to get three hours of sleep, and can't the others be respectful? We see a bunch of naked legs in the shower, because showing more than the flesh of one perfectly turned ankle is, in itself, a form of disrespect. Megg interviews that she's frustrated with Melrose, and thinks that she shouldn't complain, because they're supposed to be having fun. Megg says that she just wants to rock n' roll and have a good time. Ah, there's our girl. Melrose says that she's asking the other girls to take it down for just one night. Cut to Megg powdering her face -- at 1:15 AM? -- saying quietly, "Bitch." Okay, that is kind of awesome. Brooke says that Melrose is always rubbing people the wrong way because she's a Little Miss Know-It-All. And, also, kind of an asshole. Though I have to say that, in this situation, I feel for her, because some times you just want bitches to shut up so you can go to damn bed. ["Word. Interfering with my sleep is the best way to get yourself murdered." -- Wing Chun]
The morning, Jaeda tells some of the other girls that she has people looking at her like they're not exactly sure what she is -- is she a boyish girl, or girly boy? Oh my gosh, Jaeda is Pat! Seriously, though, who do they see other than the other models and production crew? Jaeda says that since she got her hair cut, she's not her normal self. Eugena tells her that people have seen women with short hair before, and that Jaeda's not the only one. I think that what Eugena is getting around to is, "It's not so much your hair as your face, Jowly McGee." Eugena and Jaeda share a confessional, in which Jaeda says that she's usually good at anything she tries, but that modeling is hard, hard work. Eugena also bemoans the difficulty of staring dead-eyed at nothing (tm Djb). Be glad you don't have to pick up trash off of the side of the highway like Monique, bitches.
The twins ask if Anchal wants to come eat with them. She says sure, even though she just ate. Anchal cracks an egg into a frying pan. She interviews that she is the voluptuous girl in the house. She doesn't have a flat stomach, and has larger breasts and hips. She's learning to live with it, she says. Cut to the frying pan, which now has four eggs in it. Michelle asks if Anchal is cooking for a small family, and notes that that's a lot of eggs. But you know, if God didn't want us to fill up on protein and fat for breakfast, He never would have invented bacon. Or sausage casing. Or Canada, which in turn invented Canadian bacon. Hey, I'm hungry. Anchal says that she dealt with many issues throughout her childhood. She was ugly, and had glasses and braces. Um, she just described 85% of the world's pre-teens. Find yourself a chronic illness or family tragedy, four-eyes. Anchal is used to hearing crap about herself, and she takes it in and doesn't say anything about it. Cut to Anchal frying a sausage patty or hamburger or something. It should be noted that someone else appears to be cooking a hot dog. Can't they get these girls some damn vegetables?
Tyra Mail! Caridee reads it. Hi, Caridee! It says, "Don't get it twisted! For some of you, being a top model is quite a stretch. So prove to me that you will bend over backwards for fashion." Did you totally think that the girls would be meeting S5's Ebony? Because I did, and I was excited.
The girls are chauffeured to some sort of studio, where they meet...dude, I don't even know. ["Oh, no. No, you don't." -- Wing Chun] I'm glad they foreshadowed the Pat bit, because, yowsa. The person introduces her(?)self as Stacey McKenzie, model and judge on Canada's Top Model. Stacey saying, "And by the way, the hormones haven't really kicked in yet" might have been edited out. As I said to fellow Canadian Wing Chun, Stacey makes Coryn look like Audrey Hepburn. Mostly, I think, it's the voice. ["Yeah, we'd watched four or five episodes of CNTM before Glark was like, 'What is Stacey's deal?' 'I don't know, she's a retired model?' "Yeah, but a novelty model, right?' 'What?' 'Like RuPaul?' 'No, I...think she's a biological female.' 'Prove it.' 'You win.'" -- Wing Chun]
(Speaking of Canadians, though, just for a minute, I have to tell you that you must buy the CD of and go see the greatest group in the world, The Wailin' Jennys. DO IT. They are gorgeous and talented and awesome and everything else that the Top Model girls are not, and they will make you want to sing folk songs in three-part harmony [more than you already do, that is].)
Stacey says that she's going to help the girls to use some of their edgy quirkiness in high-fashion posing. She introduces contortionist Jonathan Nosan, who does a backbend for them, and then lifts up his legs and does other Gumby-like things. Stacey says that the girls must do these kinds of poses for fashion editorials. Eugena interviews that she's a pretty flexible, but can't do anything like Jonathan's demonstrating. God, I hope not. That doesn't look healthy. Jonathan says that he's doing extreme posing, but that what the girls will really do is just, like, twist their torsos or stretch out their arms a little bit. Melrose says that she's started doing yoga, so she is pretty confident that she'll be able to do this and get a good pose. I hope this means that she falls on her ass.
The girls get dressed in some '80s tights and leotards and get down on yoga mats while Jonathan shows them some poses. As she stretches her leg above her head, A.J. yells, "It hurts so good!" Bryan Adams is all, "It's Canadian Day, eh? Shout-out!" Megg is cracked up by looking around at the other models. Anchal looks to be pretty flexible, and Stacey commends her on her pose. Anchal says that she was able to get her foot in front of her face, much to the dismay of Melrose, who always wants the spotlight. We see Melrose looking perturbed as Anchal excels. Melrose then bitchily interviews, "I think Anchal does good [sic] in the perspective of contorting, but I would just have to see what a picture would look like." Well, from contorting's perspective, I think it would be pretty good, so shut up, Melrose. As the girls all sit around together, Melrose tells Anchal that she surprised Melrose. Anchal gets a little defensive and asks Melrose why she's surprised; did she not think Anchal could do it? Melrose says that she just didn't know if Anchal could do it. Okay, then.
Anchal wonders aloud why, if she could contort so well, she isn't all skinny. Melrose says that flexibility has nothing to do with being skinny. Anchal wonders why it doesn't burn something (I think she means calories and fat), and Melrose jumps in to say that Anchal needs to do cardio. Anchal says that she does do cardio, and Melrose is all, "No you don't," and Anchal is like, "Yes, I do," and everyone else is bored and/or uncomfortable. Melrose explains in an interview that she was just trying to help Anchal by showing her the reality of the situation, which is that she's the house hoss and has to work that ass out to burn off the pound of Crisco that she eats by the spoonful each night. Anchal rolls her eyes at Melrose, and interviews that she doesn't know why Melrose has to concern herself with Anchal's body. It's because Melrose has to concern herself with anything remotely related to bitchery. ["But also that Anchal was clearly fishing for compliments (the response she was looking for was 'What? You're totally skinny!') and also being ignorant (the hell does she think stretching is going to 'burn'?) and kind of has to deal with a response that assumes she doesn't actually know how exercise works, since it sounded like she doesn't. I'm just saying: people, don't fish for compliments." -- Wing Chun]
It is night. Several girls are in the hot tub. These include Jaeda, Melrose, the twins, and Brooke. Someone -- I think one of the twins, I'm sad to say -- says that half of Anchal's issue is insecurity, but that she's also half fishing for compliments. Oooh. ["Totally!" -- Wing Chun] Melrose says that Anchal is putting on a big fat front (no pun intended, because Melrose isn't that smart), and that they can all use reassurance and friends. Jaeda interviews that Melrose has good intentions, and that if you listen to her, you can use her advice. Yeah, but who can stand to actually listen to her long enough to glean something useful? Melrose says that she didn't intend to hurt Anchal's feelings at all, but that she obviously offended her. You know, I don't trust anything said by a woman who wears a beret into a hot tub. Someone else -- I think Brooke -- says that it's a competition, so they should let Anchal eat or not work out if that's how she wants to roll (and roll, and roll, on big pillows of fat).
Meanwhile, what these dumb-asses don't realize is that Caridee, Megg, A.J., and Anchal are standing on the balcony above. Someone says that Anchal is just trying to get a reaction, and Jaeda adds that Anchal is so beautiful, she doesn't even realize it. Melrose then bitches, "She knows it, I'm sorry." Melrose says that all the other girls and the judges have told Anchal that she's the most beautiful girl there, and that Melrose is sick of hearing it. Melrose is seething so hard with jealousy at this moment that I think she's actually causing the water to bubble with the sheer force of it. Caridee interviews that they all heard Melrose talking smack about Anchal, and that Melrose gets her confidence by putting other people down. I buy that. Melrose says that initially she thought Anchal was one of the "stiffest competitions [sic]" there, but that, as the competition goes on, Anchal is not becoming more beautiful to Melrose. Anchal, who has been listening the whole time, runs off and starts crying. She interviews that it sucks how mean the others can be. A.J. talks to Anchal, and calls the other girls fake as we go to commercials.
When we return, A.J. is still comforting a crying Anchal. Anchal is leaning against a wall, with A.J. is directly in front of her, looking deep into her eyes: "Honey, honey, they don't matter. We matter. We got your back, honey. That's all that matters." Methinks A.J. has watched one too many women's prison movies lately. Anchal interviews that she was really hurt by hearing Melrose. A.J. and Anchal hug. A.J. interviews that she hates Melrose, and that it takes all of her will not to retaliate when Melrose says mean things. I think A.J. Light and Dark could cut a bitch, is what I think. Anchal interviews that she doesn't have confidence and doesn't ever really think she's beautiful, but that she is going to do the best she can. I really do buy that she's just genuinely insecure, despite all the praise lavished on her by the judges. All of us have some part of ourselves that we don't like, whether it's skin or teeth or thighs or whatever, and no matter how confident or well-adjusted we might be, it still hurts if someone else makes a mean (or even well-meaning) comment about said area. And when that area is your whole face and body and you're in a modeling competition, you're pretty much screwed.
The girls go to dinner at the restaurant Oasis. Melrose is wearing a crocheted tank top and denim newsboy hat. This alone is reason to hate her. As Anchal stuffs her face, the other girls eagerly await a special guest. And it is...Twiggy. That was kind of anti-climactic. Twiggy says that she's there to talk to them about changes in posing in the world of modeling. Brooke interviews that it was really relaxing to be able to interface with Twiggy as a semi-automated human being, rather than as a judge. Twiggy says that the fashion business is wonderful because it celebrates the individuality of everyone. Who is 5'9" and taller and weighs 115 pounds and is either extraordinarily beautiful or notably freakish-looking. Twiggy wears her sunglasses the whole time she's inside, which I hope is due to recent cataract surgery. In an interview, Michelle makes fun of how Melrose would freak out every time she looked at Twiggy. Twiggy is apparently one of Melrose's icons. Melrose tells Twiggy that she has affected all of their lives more than she even knows, because Twiggy changed the standard of modeling and the whole industry. Twiggy, not impervious to praise herself, says, "...I didn't plan to!" Oh, Twiggy. Melrose thanks her on behalf of the hundreds of thousands of women with eating disorders. Melrose also tells Twiggy that her dad is English and blah blah blah. Caridee interviews that Melrose sucks up really hard to anyone they meet, which is a good strategy, but also annoying. Caridee is tired of seeing Melrose's nose up the asses of others. Hey, some people might find that hot. Melrose interviews that it was a dream for her to hang with the Twigs.
The morning, as Anchal tries to squeeze into her jeans, there is Tyra Mail: "There's some catty bitches in the house." Okay, "There's"? Did they let Miss J. write up the Tyra Mail again? To continue, "She's eyeing you and ready to knock you off your pedestal." Or, probably "pedestool." I'm hoping this means they have to wrestle a giant cat. Maybe a mountain lion! Brooke guarantees that it means they'll have to fight one another on a pedestal of some sort. Hey, as long as blood is drawn, I'm cool with that.
The girls head off to meet sassy designer Bao Tranchi, who says that she is very well known for her decadent collections, one piece of which seems to be a dress made entirely of moth-eaten cheesecloth. Innovative! Tonight, she says, she is having a huge, fantastic event, and in one hour her guests will be viewing the new Bao Tranchi collection on art installations. You guessed it. The art installations are...the girls! They will have to enact their knowledge of couture and dramatic poses while maintaining the eloquence of the clothes. What she means is, keep your boob in this time, Caridee. Bao introduces jewelry designer Erica Courtney, which, get a last name. Erica has brought ten pieces of jewelry valued at $32,000, and the girls will each pick one piece to wear while modeling. Bao tells the girls to go get amazingly beautiful. I don't think that Bao Tranchi is a drag queen, but she disagrees.
Anchal says that she's super-excited to get out there and show her flexible stuff. Bao fixes a scarf on Melrose and tells her to look as if she naturally knows she's the most amazing, beautiful thing in the world. That should be hard. Melrose tells us that Bao wants her to look like a "fanticiful fairy" who is nice and sweet, but also a complete diva bitch. Melrose is like, "Add an IQ of 85 and you've got your girl. Fanticiful!"
The guests file in, and the girls get up on their little round pedestals and pose. They have to hold poses for a while so that they look like statues. Brooke says that her muscles were shaking like a bowl of Jello. Caridee says that you had to step out of the box. Michelle says that a bird in the hand is worth three bitches in a bush. Speaking of Michelle, she's having a bit of a hard time keeping her balance. Eugena says that as soon as she got there, she just started to go with it and pose in a manner that complimented her body shape. Bao says that Eugena was very inspiring, and that the audience loved her. Melrose thinks that she can win the challenge, because as always, she thinks she's the best. Bao tells us that Jaeda has a very strong build and could have softened her face a little bit. In other words, stop being such a man, Stan. Megg says that she was playing it safe, because she didn't want to lift up a leg and fall. I would have loved to have been in the audience for this one, because the girls posing in their romantic-style clothes all look totally ridiculous. It's like if Virginia Woolf posed for Maxim. There are lots of legs up in the air and petticoats.
Bao announces that Eugena is the winner, and that she gets to keep all of the jewelry. Eugena says that she didn't have any jewelry when she got there, because there are no nice jewelers in Palmdale. But now, she smiles, she has $32,000 worth. I have to say, ever since she stopped being Monique's bitch, Eugena seems a lot cooler. Melrose tells the other girls that she wished she could have had a little more smile. Caridee says that she didn't smile at all, and Melrose does the old Tyra standard: "These are two very different faces. See this...and this [exact same face]." Caridee kind of rolls her eyes. Melrose goes on and on. Megg interviews that she often gets to the point where she just wants Melrose to shut up. You and the world both, Twisted Sister. Megg's hair is a mess in her interview, but she is otherwise totally adorable. A.J. says that Melrose likes to talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, and that nobody likes to hear her voice. She adds that a lot of the girls would like to have Melrose gone. Commercials.
Dani(elle) gets to throw the first pitch at a Baltimore Orioles game. Or, I suspect, their farm team. London, Paris, Baltimore! Who says Cover Girl isn't high-fashion?
When we return, the girls are waiting in some room when who should walk in but Tyra. There is whooping. Tyra wants to talk to them about something deep and very important to her: fear. She feels that a lot of people, including herself, can be led by their fears. Do you think Tyra has a fear that she will inflict her terrible skills as talk-show host onto the world? Because to me she seems to be led by that mission. Tyra asks if there's anything that has made any of the girls feel insecure and instilled a fear inside of them. Melrose says that for her it's "the old thing," because she's twenty-three now and put off modeling to go to college. Tyra really says nothing to alleviate the fear, and just pretty much acknowledges that the fashion industry is crazy and that every girl thinks she's a "ticking time clock" and a senior citizen at twenty-eight. Jaeda says that she's still insecure about the hair, and that sometimes she thinks she looks hot, and other times she misses her hair. Tyra says that she likes putting short hair on strong faces, and that it's a compliment to Jaeda that she got that hair, because it means Tyra thinks she can handle it. Jaeda interviews that Tyra thinks she can be a model, but that sometimes Jaeda looks around at the other girls and thinks that she could go home tomorrow. Based on how she looks in the interview she sure could. Youch.
Tyra asks if anybody is struggling with interpersonal relationships. Oh, that was a natural segue. Everyone laughs, and Tyra picks out Melrose to talk. Melrose says that they each find different things they can relate to in one another, and that helps to make them stronger in the competition. Melrose says that there are things (i.e. issues) in everyday life outside of the house that they still have to work through. Melrose is working through having patience and thinking before she talks. Tyra asks whether Melrose says things that hurt other people's feelings. Boy, is Tyra intuitive! How does she know these things without watching the footage or having a lackey summarize the house drama for her? Melrose says yes, and then Tyra asks if anyone has been hurt by something Melrose said. Anchal says that she heard Melrose talking, and begins to tear up. Anchal says that she overheard the girls talking in the Jacuzzi, and that she tried to let it go. Tyra notes that Anchal stores it inside and that it eats her up. Well, at least Anchal doesn't eat it up like she does everything else. Anchal interviews with a very sad face and the voice of Grover that she never had any friends and always got made fun of, which might be hard to believe because of the way she looks now. But it's really hard for Anchal to believe in herself and have self-confidence.
Tyra says that Anchal doesn't stand up for herself, and that she internalizes criticism, and starts to take it out on herself. Tyra relates, because she is the least confrontational person in the world. What she is, though, is relentlessly passive-aggressive, as she talks about an "awful situation" with another model where she couldn't stand up for herself, and was so intimidated and terrified by said other model WHOSE NAME MIGHT BE CAMI NAOMPBELL OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. Jaeda confessionalizes that Anchal is fake because she says she has no self-confidence, but she knows she's pretty. Tyra says that the fashion industry is dog eat dog, or rather, bitch eat bitch, and that they're all competing for one prize. You cannot let "that girl" get in your head and throw you off-base. Melrose says that she hopes and prays Tyra doesn't see her as a horrible person, but that she does feel singled out as "the mean one." Well, stop being so mean and maybe that won't happen anymore.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. "Models aren't necessarily the most beautiful girls in the world. They tend to be gawky, have eyes that are too far apart, and foreheads that are too big. They pretty much are FREAKS of nature." Awww, Tyra got someone to describe her in text! Everyone goes, "OOOOOOOOOH!" and Brooke yells, "Weirdos!" That clip could probably be used in a lot of contexts on this show.
The girls travel to the middle of the desert, about two hours away from their house. They come upon a circus ticket window operated by Jay Manuel. I'm glad that he's embarked on a more fitting career. He tells the girls that they're going to do a dark and moody shoot based on turn-of-the-century freakshow circuses. The judges will be looking for the girls to adapt and perform in this situation. I have to say, it's kind of a cool concept, which probably means Jay didn't think of it. He introduces Mike Rosenthal, the photographer for the shoot. Jay tells the girls to embrace the characters he gives them, which are: the bearded lady for Megg; the strong woman for Jaeda; the cannibal for A.J.; the giant lady for Anchal; the elephant woman for Caridee; the bird lady for Eugena; the rubber girl for Brooke; the woman with the old face and young body for Melrose (HA!); and, of course, Siamese twins for Michelle and Amanda.
The girls head into hair and makeup, where they are done up all crazy-like. Makeup artist Sutan mugs with Caridee's trunk as Caridee makes an elephant noise, and A.J. walks around like she's going to claw people's faces off and then eat them. I bet she got a lot of her inspiration for this character from Monique. Jay calls the girls outside and they meet Atoosa Rubenstein, Editor-in-Chief of Seventeen magazine, who really should have better things to do. She is excited, because careers of many top models were launched at Seventeen. Atoosa has barely said anything, but I find her mysteriously annoying.
A.J. is first up, and she tells the male model she'll be posing with that he'll get eaten and love it. I thought this was a family show! Well, if your family is composed of tramps and transvestites. There are fake disembodied limbs in the cage where A.J. will be posing. They really bring out her eyes. Jay tells her that the shoot should be sensual but also dark, because she's a cannibal and she's hungry. A.J. grabs at the bars of the cage as she poses. She interviews that there was fake blood and raw meat in the cage with her; it was sick and twisted, just like her, she says. I wonder if a person can get salmonella just by posing in a cage with raw meat. We'll wait for the CDC to issue the final word on that one.
Brooke is up as "Rubber Girl," which I guess is just a really flexible, long-limbed girl. Jay tells her she looks like she's getting ready to step on a toilet. Is stepping on a toilet some new sanitary rest stop technique that I don't know about? Atoosa tells her to look like someone who does a lot of yoga and is elongated and elegant. Brooke looks like she really doesn't know what she's doing.
are the twins, who are joined by their big red afros. Jay says that they started off a little awkward, but ended up embracing one another and becoming more intertwined, which made the whole thing more interesting and complex. In other words, they looked like the incestuous circus freak Siamese twins that every man has fantasized about at one time or other. Sharing a skull is hott!
Then there is a mini-makeup montage. Melrose says that she's looking at herself and thinking she looks really ugly. Well, now she knows how everyone else feels when they look at her in a normal situation. But she knows she has to go out and rock it. Caridee holds up her elephant-trunk nose as Jaeda gets abs painted on her. Megg is sporting some serious facial hair, and helpfully notes that she's never seen herself with a beard before. Hey, at least it's not a handlebar moustache. I bet Tyra has never seen herself with facial hair either. Jay says that he doesn't want to overdirect Megg, but that he does want her to be natural and effortless like she was at the nude casting shoot. Unfortunately, Megg's performance is disappointing once again, and doesn't display any of her bubbly personality. Megg notes that when she thinks too much, it's all over for her. She goes backstage and tears up, saying that she knows she has potential to be a good model, but is too worried about looking perfect in her shoots.
You know who is effortless, though, is Caridee. She is fierce with the elephant snout. Atoosa and Jay are both impressed.
Continuing on the animal theme is bird-woman Eugena, who also appears to do pretty well.
Anchal is a giant lady. You know that she's a giant because she's playing a very tiny violin -- perhaps, in fact, the world's tiniest violin, which she's been playing the whole episode. She struggles a bit. As Anchal gets a makeup touch-up, Atoosa tells her that the best fashion photos always have a "real thing happening." Often that real thing is "boob poking out." Atoosa tells Anchal to get to that place. In other words, she shouldthink about how fat she feels all the time. Atoosa's pep talk seems to have helped Anchal, and Jay tells her that this is the most creative he's ever seen her.
is Jaeda, who poses with a big dumbbell. She looks kind of scary. Jay tells her to draw inspiration from the picture of a strong-looking Tyra on display in the house. Jaeda lets out a strong-person scream. Jay tells her that if they could spend less time pulling her out of her shell, they could spend more time making the shot amazing.
Then there is Melrose, who gets accolades from Jay. Atoosa says that Melrose did a phenomenal job, even with her ugly face. Melrose is typically pleased with herself.
Back at home, there is Tyra Mail. Someone is going home. Cut to Anchal eating an ice-cream pop. Megg and A.J. sit outside on the smokers' porch. Megg says that she has intense feelings that she'll be eliminated. A.J. sort of tears up and says she'll be sad to see anybody go. Except, of course, Melrose. Megg says that the element of being there that involves being in the house with catty bitches trashes her soul a little bit. However, even though some other girls there annoy her, she doesn't want to go home because she thinks she has a good chance. Anchal is feeling good about her performance, but says that now everyone in the house is taking really good photos. Anchal is, of course, preparing herself some food. WE GET IT. Jaeda says that her thoughts on the competition have changed. She could go home tomorrow, and in fact feels like she is going to. I totally thought she was going home, too! We were both wrong. Commercials.
We enter judging with a photo of Tyra as a ringmaster. Dude, don't even try it, amateur. Regular Tyra actually looks kind of good, for a change. She commends the girls on all being dressed like real models, which means that they are all wearing jeans and tank tops. There are prizes, there are judges. Atoosa from Seventeen is the guest judge.
A.J. is first to be evaluated. Her photo is really strong, in part because of her contorted body language. It looks like she's about to rip off her male conquest's penis, but I guess that's beside the point. The photo is pretty freaky in a cool kind of way. A.J. wants to eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.
Eugena was, of course, the challenge winner, and also gets really good feedback on her bird-woman photo. Worth a little bit more than a tuppence a bag, that one is. Tyra says that theoretical people will want to buy the feathers and the nose because that's the new look for the season. She adds that the fashion industry is just brainwashing people into thinking something's fabulous. LIKE SKINNY JEANS AND LEGGINGS FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP IT. Sorry, but I live near a college campus and every time I see a pair of leggings, which is often, I want to inflict pain on someone. Usually the person wearing the leggings. ["High five!" -- Wing Chun] Nigel says that he'd book Eugena for a job, and Tyra says it's funny that she had to put on a nose and feathers and pose in a cage to push through. Yeah. (Sorry, I don't know what else to say to that.)
Rubber Girl Brooke is , and Twiggy says that she looks taller in the photo, and that her body is great. However, the face isn't so great. Brooke's face always looks terrible in her photos. Tyra likes the photo and says that it's haunting.
The twins look delectably freakish in their Siamese twins photo. Amanda looks a little chinny due to the shot's lighting, but that's really the only criticism it gets.
Giant Anchal is . Nigel says that, as a shot, Anchal looks beautiful, but that as a giant, she looks tiny. Tyra tells her that she should have been thinking, "Fee Fi Fo Fum." That's what Tyra thinks every day as she walks down the street. Sometimes she even says it aloud. Miss J. suggests that Anchal should have gone toward the camera a bit more to make herself look bigger.
Strong woman Jaeda is snarly, and Twiggy likes her photo. Twiggy then says, with surprise, "Your body is extraordinary!" More on this later. Atoosa says that, on the set, Jaeda was stopping just short of really putting it out there and being ferocious. Jay had to spend so much time coaching her, he didn't have much time to direct. Jaeda gives Atoosa a little bit of the fish eye. Tyra would rather see Jaeda be an aloof strong woman, and says that what she's doing looks like bad acting. I have to say, though, that Jaeda was acting more aloof, and then became more ferocious-looking when Jay told her to. The picture isn't the greatest, but the panel is being really annoying right now. That is to say, like, level 9 annoying as opposed to the usual level 5. I think at least two points of this can be attributed directly to Atoosa.
Melrose is , and says that she was the old-faced woman with the hot young body. I think that last part is somewhat subjective. Tyra likes that Melrose looks like she's so wrinkled but still so hot. Nigel notes that there's something extremely disturbing about the picture, and part of that is because he likes it. I'll bet Nigel downloads weird porn.
Bearded Lady Megg is . Twiggy says that she looks like she's waiting to start her session, not only in her face but in her body language. Nigel asks Megg what's wrong, because she seems a little down. Megg starts to cry, and says that she's so worried about what she looks like in her photos, and that it shows in the shoots. She says she knows that she's capable of giving much more than that photo, and that it's disappointing to look at. Nigel says that if Megg has a shoot where part of her beauty is being covered by a beard or the like, she has to compensate with the rest of her look. He tells her not to lose faith, but just to keep it up and practice. Megg says that the picture is a mess, but Miss J. disagrees. Tyra tells Megg to use what she's feeling in her photos. For example, a bearded lady is probably pretty insecure. As is a lady beard. Just ask Katie Holmes. Put it all into her story, Tyra tells Megg.
is Caridee, who gets complimented on looking very chic. (Megg is still crying.) Caridee's elephant shot gets raves all around. Nigel loves how she's working the nose. See above comment re: weird porn. Atoosa says that, by the end of the shoot, she wanted an elephant nose. Lady, look in the mirror. Tyra tells Caridee that she would have liked to see her catch the light more, because she's almost losing the nose. Tyra then does an elephant impression, which basically involves just sitting there.
The judges deliberate. Melrose is awesome, yes, we know. Tyra says that she assigned Melrose the old face because she thought she could handle it. Don't you hate it when the annoying people are actually kind of good models? Sigh. Atoosa says that Brooke is so much like a Seventeen reader, and that you just want to put her on a cupcake. Maybe Atoosa is a cannibal too. She does look like she at least drinks the blood of young virgins, which of course means that she has the perfect job. Twiggy still hasn't seen a great photograph of Brooke's face, and doesn't know if she's capable of having one. Atoosa says that Eugena was dead in her eyes for the bulk of the shoot. I thought she did really well! Shut up, Atoosa. Nigel says maybe it was just a lucky shot. Miss J. loves A.J., and Nigel says that she's pretty much the only girl who has a full fashion idea in the old-timey shot. Twiggy bemoans Megg's disastrous photo, and says that there's something about her instability (or, as they apparently say in England, "unstableness") that's quite scary. Atoosa wants to stick up for Megg, because she's the kind of girl who would sell copies of Seventeen. Nigel says that personality is one thing, but that if you can't take a good picture, what good is it? Miss J. does the rock n' roll impression. He's just jealous because she's a better bearded lady than he is. Tyra tells the panel to judge the twins separately. Nigel thinks Michelle has the better angles. Twiggy likes Amanda's quirkiness. Twiggy also thinks Anchal is a beautiful girl, but is not a model, and that her personality bores Twiggy stiff. Nigel says that Anchal turned in a beautiful picture because she's a beautiful girl. Caridee's shot is the best of the group, according to Twiggy, and Atoosa says that she had one amazing pose after another. Tyra likes Caridee, saying that she wants this, but doesn't lose herself in the process. Caridee is officially a contendah! Atoosa is down on Jaeda based on her performance at the shoot, and wishes she could just do her job. Twiggy says that Jaeda is sometimes too masculine, and adds in a concerned voice that she finds Jaeda's abs a bit scary. Tyra tells Twiggy that the abs are drawn. Twiggy is much relieved. That is classic.
There are ten girls, but only nine photos. The girls who are in are: Caridee, Eugena, A.J., Melrose, Michelle, Anchal, Amanda, and Brooke. This of course leaves Jaeda and Megg. Both of the girls have potential, but aren't bringing the goods to the table. And in the end...Jaeda gets another chance. Noooooooo! Just when I started to like Megg. Megg is awesome and thanks everyone for this wonderful opportunity, saying that she's going to take this and use everything to make her stronger. She hugs Tyra and all the girls as she cries. Megg wants to hang out with all the cool girls some more, and says that it's hard to say goodbye. And then Megg quite awesomely says, "Me and my friend, we're going to, like, start, like, a two-person band. You know, I'll be, like, a musician-model and we'll see what happens, man." Megg feels that even though she lost the competition, she won the whole experience, and that's good enough for her. Why can't everyone be as awesome as Megg? Booo!
on ANTM: Michelle thinks she might be gay! I told you! And Janice Dickinson is back, baby! Rock n' roll!!!!!!