Makeovers! And this time, the makeovers come to the models. Frederick Fekkai sets up shop in the girls' living room, to varying results. Megg gets some whack extensions, Brooke goes dark, the twins go red, Anchal transitions from a twohead to a three-point-five-head, Eugena and CariDee get big hair, Megan goes even more pixie, Melrose goes blonde (and not without some complaining), A.J. looks mostly the same but complains about it anyway, Jaeda cries and cries like a baby en route to a Halle Berry cut, and Monique has a mini-breakdown because nobody's ever seen her without her weave before. Bitch, please. After seven seasons, the Jays are just about through with the whining. I think we can all take a moment, no matter how we feel about Sirs Manuel and Alexander, to sympathize. The girls have perhaps the stupidest challenge ever, which entails getting dolled up in prom gowns and Cover Girl makeup while riding an elevator. Nearly redeeming the challenge is the radiant Queen Latifah, who really sets the standard for closeted celebrities everywhere. Against popular logic, Eugena wins. Monique is disqualified and doesn't get to meet the Queen, and she takes out her anger by spending three and a half consecutive hours on the phone. Everyone hates her, which I'm sure comes as a huge surprise. Eventually it is mild-mannered Anchal who tells her off. Well done! For the week's photo shoot, a team of weaveologists, one of whom is perhaps Stephen Baldwin, gives the girls some dragalicious hair. In the end it is Megan who is sent home, which should be no surprise to those of you familiar with the "first on the phone gets axed" school of editing. Sad times abound.
Previously: there were thirteen girls. Monique was one of them. She pretended to pee on someone else's bed. Michelle was another. She rocked her photo bulimic-style. Melrose was another. She got a little bit of a diva attitude. Christian was another. She's gone and, honestly, totally forgotten. Who will join her in the land of semi-attractive has-beens tonight? The answer may dismay you.
It is night in Los Angeles. Michelle and Megan practice their runway walks in their in-house runway. I totally want one of those. However, if I had a life-sized runway in my house, I would surely never ever get a recap done. Or go to my real job. Or see my friends. Or sleep. But I would achieve a level of fierceness heretofore not known to man, so it would all be worth it. Anyway, Michelle says that she loves Megan, thinks she has a great personality, and has gotten really close to her. So says the tomboy twin. Mmm-hmm. Megan interviews that even though she and Michelle are competing, it's as it should be that they practice together and try to help each other make it to the top. Of a big lesbian love pile. Not that I'm complaining, except that no one is helping me to make it to the top of a big lesbian love pile, and I'm jealous.
Meanwhile, Melrose cleans the kitchen. What's up with her and the kitchen? She confessionalizes that she's just happy still to be there, and has been thinking a lot about Christian today, and how Melrose is glad she's not her. We flash back to Melrose dropping to the floor at judging. And you know, Melrose kind of sucks, but in all fairness, she really pales in comparison to the abscess of suck that is Monique. So even though I find her annoying, I can't be too harsh on her because there are bigger bitches to fry. Melrose says that maybe the judges saw potential in her. Potential to cause drama and, I am guessing, to spar with Monique. Poor Christian never stood a chance. Melrose says that she's going to work her ass off.
Meanwhile, Monique and Eugena are in the hot tub. There's a meeting of the minds. Also, shouldn't they be punching each other or something? What is there to count on anymore in this world if Eugena has befriended the person who stole her bed under pretense of incontinence? Monique makes fun of Melrose, calls her a baby, and then says that Melrose is the person that she can stand least in the house. That brings the total of that category to Melrose 1, Monique 11.
There is Tyra Mail. "Every morning, I have to have two glasses of fresh squeezed O Jays to get me going. This morn, I suggest you do the same." "Morn"? Is Tyra Mail now being written by Robert Herrick or something? "Ne'er dost I greet the e'er blooming morn/ But that the cock sing'st tales of bitches just for thee/ Arisen that their locks be thither shorn/ They dwell in e'en greater bitchery." week, look for Tyra Mail prepared especially by John Donne. The girls figure out that the Jays are going to have something to do with the whole shebang. For their sake, I hope that "freshly squeezed" is metaphorical.
It is the morning. Alarms are ringing. Monique confessionalizes in a somewhat aggressive manner that she was upset that four or five alarms were going off, because she needed to get her beauty sleep. Dude...just get up. What is her problem? She says that she woke up on the wrong side of the bed. When it comes to Monique, the only right side is the one teetering dangerously on the edge of a cliff. Anchal can't take Monique's bitchiness. You and the rest of the world both, sister.
The girls head off in their giant gas-guzzler to a restaurant called Olivier, where the Jays await them. Jay Manuel, who is wearing a whole lot of fluorescent pink (natch), says that they're there to chat and have some breakfast. One of the girls notes that they thought they were going to get makeovers. Miss J. says that everyone always talks like they're excited about the makeovers, but when it comes down to it, someone always ends up crying and shit. Jaeda then says, "My hair grows so fast. I don't care, shave it." I imagine Tyra seeing this footage and cackling with glee before flipping through the Star Jones Wigs catalogue for inspiration.
Jay says that he wants to talk about the girls about drawing on their past experiences to motivate their modeling. For instance, when Jay is modeling, he likes to think about how he was wrenched away from Loompaland and forced to work in a factory after his parents were attacked by a pair of vermicious knids. He notes that Megan has a similar tale of woe, and says he admires Megan's strength of character. Megan says that she's always been an optimist, and knows that she will survive anything. Except the second episode of America's Top Model, Cycle 7. Oops, spoiler alert! Jay says that it's hard to tap into a place of vulnerability, but that doing so will help their photos immeasurably. And with that, breakfast is over.
When the girls enter their house, who but Miss Tyra Banks is waiting for them. The girls all scream and shriek, and the volume goes up a full decibel when they discover that a full-scale Frederic Fekkai Salon has been transplanted into their living room. Frederic Fekkai is there, as are the Jays, who apparently utilized some sort of space-age travel to get there well before the girls. We can only hope that one day their newfangled mode of transport goes horribly, horribly wrong.
Tyra tells the girls what their new looks will be. As she does this, she also whips a curtain off of a sketch that shows each girl with her new look. It kind of looks like one of those sketches that you get in that weird booth at the mall. Melrose is going platinum blonde, à la the gorgeous Nadja Auerman. Brooke, who looks like she should be running for class president, is going an edgy chocolate brown. Eugena thinks she is better than everybody else, so she is getting lots and lots of extensions. Megan is staying pixie but going blonde. Anchal is getting some layers and a little bit of length taken off, and with the aid of threaders is going from a twohead to a fivehead. Monique's hair...will kind of look the same. She, of course, voices over a complaint about this. Caridee is getting a big weave. A.J. will go lighter, with a cut that is similar but also echoes 1990 Linda Evangelista. Megg will get long frizzy extensions. Fitting. Michelle will go from mousy to fiery red with a little bit of wave. Amanda will get a slightly different shade of red, and her hair will stay super-straight.
And then there is Jaeda, who in Casting made the terrible mistake of calling herself the prettiest girl in school. Tyra tells her that, in this competition, she is actually the most handsome. Oh, backhanded compliment, how I love thee. Tyra says that the boyish quality of her face photographs very strong. To embrace that, Jaeda is going to get some Halle Berry hair. Jay, of course, brings back Jaeda's declaration earlier that morning. Tyra tells Jaeda that her modeling will have to change with the haircut, and thatshe's going to have to go totally against what she was raised to be. Unless she was raised to be a man, which is actually quite possible. Jaeda doesn't look too excited. The girls learn that they will get their new looks, and then pose in metallic bikinis. Classy!
Cut to Jaeda bawling and saying that she's never had her hair so short before, and doesn't know if she can pull it off. That's a legitimate fear, given what we see later in the episode. The nicer girls try to encourage her by telling her that it will look awesome. Sometimes lying is nice, and situationally appropriate. Meanwhile, Monique says that she doesn't want to look the same, and that they should chop her hair off. And her head, while they're at it.
Megg's finished hair is...bushy. She calls it her new signature hair, and says that she'll be able to do a lot more headbanging -- in close proximity to a metal spike, one hopes. Her photo is actually pretty good. Anchal gets her forehead threaded, and though it hurts a little, she feels great about the whole thing. The shorter hair with layers looks great on her; Anchal really has a good head of hair. Meanwhile, Fucking Melrose tells Jay Manuel that blonde hair isn't going to look good on her. I mean, I agree, but suck it up. Jay tells her that she will look younger and fresher with the blonde hair. The other girls discuss Melrose's reluctance to go blonde with some puzzlement, with the exception of A.J., who says that if she were Melrose, she wouldn't want to go blonde either. Frederic Fekkai looks half bewildered and half pissed. Jay looks all pissed. One member of the hair and makeup team compliments Brooke on her chocolate locks. Brooke has never had brown hair, but says that Frederic Fekkai is the master, and she thinks it looks beautiful.
Michelle is nervous about being able to work with her look, because she is bad with hair and anything girly in general. I would say, "Call me, Michelle!," but she is eighteen and that would make me gross. Amanda says that she and Michelle were upset about having different looks, because now they can't switch and fool people. She is kidding. She looks fine. Jay snips off the first of Jaeda's locks, and Jaeda starts to bawl. Like, seriously. Jay gives her a big "Whatever," because he has had it. Jaeda says that she feels masculine, and like she's lost the girlish thing she had going on. I don't know what girlish thing she could have been talking about.
Caridee's hair is crazy-looking, but she likes it. Eugena is also pleased. The girls who get the extensions always are. Megan says that it was amazing to have Frederic Fekkai work on her, and that he cut her hair in two minutes. You know Tyra was all, "This bitch is going home; give her the Supercuts version." The blonde looks pretty good, though. Meanwhile, Melrose is crying. Jay says that she's a control freak, and that a lot of young girls who try to over-control a situation don't go too far. Well, let's hope so. ["Except, I don't know why Jay is talking about things 'young girls' do in reference to Melthuserose. Bitch old!" -- Wing Chun] As Melrose is getting her eyebrows bleached and has big curlers in her hair, Eugena comes in to laugh at her and say she looks crazy. Melrose says that's her new look. Except for the "crazy" part, which is the look that God gave her from the start. The blonde looks...kind of bad, I have to say.
Then there is Fucking A.J. After getting her hair dyed, she says that they have to make it darker, and that she hates the color. A.J. says that she was in shock when she first saw her new look, that the color is still too light for her, and that she's not a smooth girl -- she likes spikes. Okay, her hair looks almost exactly the same, but less ratty. Which is totally an improvement! Shut up, Emo Philips. When did she get so annoying and whiney?
Jay is totally pissed, which you can tell because he has turned red-orange. Then there is Monique, who yells out, "Why?" in a dramatic fashion (quelle surprise) as the stylist takes out her existing weave. Miss J. notes to Jay Manuel that Monique is upstairs crying, and that if she wants to cry, they should just let her cry. Another guy tells Jay that Monique said that nobody's ever seen her without her weave. HA! Jay is all, "Bitch, please," and points to a cornrowed picture of Tyra without her weave. Eventually, the Jays go upstairs to deal with Monique. She says that she's having a bad day and something about the alarms going off in the morning and blah blah blah same-old-shitcakes. Jay tells her that she's getting a French hair weave from a master stylist, and that if she doesn't want to hear the alarm, she should wear earplugs. I never thought I'd say this, but I kind of love Jay right now. ["I said that too! He's totally grown on me; the more they keep him away from Tyra, the more he's a total bitch and not just a sycophantic toady." -- Wing Chun] Jay tells us that it disgusts him to see these girls who supposedly wanted to be here so badly toss off insults about their new looks. It also makes Jay not want to be there. And despite loving him at this minute, I just got a little flicker of hope for Season 8.
Jay calls the girls together and basically tells them to shove their whining in their collective skinny ass. He says that A.J. and Monique and any other whiners are being insulting to Frederic Fekkai, master stylist, and that they are not only insulting their guests, but also Tyra. He says that he's over it and is going home to sleep. Oh, come on! Slap someone before you go! And make it A.J., who sees fit to snicker at this moment. Commercials.
When we return, Megan is in a bikini and on the phone with her girlfriend. Yay, girlfriend! But boo first phone call home of the episode! As soon as I saw this, I was distressed. But no matter, because Megan looks kind of hot and porny. Megan's girlfriend says that she's always wanted Megan to have white-blonde hair, and that she's proud of her. Awww, lesbian love is the best! Megan tells her girlfriend that several of the girls were crying and complaining, and got bawled out.
Meanwhile, Jaeda is trying to do her hair and is complaining that it's tore up. It does kind of look like shit. A.J. says that she's angry. Oh, shut up and go...I don't know, do whatever emo kids do. Cut yourself, maybe? I am too old to understand or care about anything emo-related. Megg looks in the mirror and says that she loves her hair, and that it looks hot with every outfit. Okay, right then I liked her a little. I am not made of stone. Rock n' roll!
There is Tyra Mail! "True queens are natural beauties that don't need make-up to make it to the top...so don't wear any tomorrow. Got it!!!???" I will have you know that that "!!!???" is verbatim. I'm surprised they didn't dot the "I"s with little hearts. It's interesting to note that when Caridee reads this, she says, "...don't wear any today," though when they show the Tyra Mail on screen, it clearly says "tomorrow." Hmmm. It is also interesting to note that when Caridee gets to the ellipses, she actually says, "Dot dot dot." And that she has the reading comprehension skills of a fifth-grader.
The day (or perhaps the same day), the girls go to a building with a giant elevator, where they meet Jay, who looks more like a gay Ken doll than ever in a patterned blazer with non-matching shirt. Jay say that yesterday was rough, what with all the making over and complaining, but that the girls have a chance to make it all up to him today by impressing him with their knowledge of makeup. Oh, I'm sure that's going to happen. He has the whole Cover Girl collection with him today, along with the Queen collection, developed by Queen Latifah for women of color. The girls get thirty seconds to grab the makeup that best suits them, and then they'll meet him in the elevator. They have to get off the elevator twice -- one floor has wardrobe, and one has shoes and accessories. With all of these stops, they will be putting together their own "new young queen" look. At the building's top floor, they'll meet with a Cover Girl executive and will have to sell the executive on their look. If a girl misses the elevator doors at any point, she is instantly disqualified. This has to be the stupidest challenge of all time.
Jay yells go, and the girls rush to the makeup table. They grab lots of stuff, and then crowd into the elevator. Except for Megg, who doesn't even make it on. Disqualified on the first floor! You have to be kind of a dumb-ass to let that happen. The other girls go to the floor while putting on makeup. Some of them have whipped off some clothes already. They get to the fifth floor, where a rack of hideous prom dresses awaits them. They have thirty seconds to get back on the elevator. Everyone makes it. On the fifteenth floor, it's time to get some shoes and accessories. Jay yells that the shoes and accessories have to be on, and not carried. Again, they get thirty seconds. And you know who misses the elevator this time? Monique! Yes! The only thing sweeter would have been if she had stuck her arm in the closing doors only to realize a moment too late that they had been fitted with spinning metal blades. Melrose says that as soon as they noticed Monique didn't make it, they all feared for their lives.
The girls arrive on the thirty-first floor, where they will meet with a Cover Girl executive...who is Queen Latifah! Hey, Queen. The Queen says that the girls had to do their own makeup today, but when they get to baller status (HA!) like her, they get to have their own makeup artist. She introduces her alleged makeup artist, Roxanna Floyd. Queen asks the girls to explain their young queen looks. I would love it if someone said, "I tried to look like you did back when you were only a baby dyke." But rather, Michelle says that a young queen should look good both with and without makeup, and basically admits that she didn't know what she was doing. Queen tells her to have confidence, and that will carry her far. Melrose looks like a crack whore. Queen merely insults her shoes. Caridee -- who looks like a crazy homeless person -- says that she was going for a beach queen look. Queen says that she looks "'60s." I think she means that Caridee, who has the weirdest do-rag on her head, looks like she's IN her sixties. A.J. gets weirdly faux-perky and says that a young queen should look fresh, confident, and regal. Queen Latifah wishes that A.J. had worn some more damn makeup. Eugena talks about being a woman of color, and how it's hard to wear colorful shadow, unless you're using the Queen collection. I'm not crazy about Eugena, but I have to give it to her for working that angle. Queen Latifah loves the fact that Brooke has a clue. Brooke plays up the prom queen aspect, which the Queen enjoys. Queen Latifah wants Anchal to let her personality out so that they can share it with her. Yeah, I'm sure all that Queen Latifah wants to share is Anchal's "personality." Megan says something about going to the movies with her crazy hair. Queen Latifah thinks that Megan has gorgeous lips, and wishes she would have used more product on them. Amanda says something about hiding blemishes, and Queen commends her knowledge of the product. Jaeda says that she went natural, and Queen Latifah seems to like what she did.
Queen and Roxanna give everyone compliments, but award the victory to Eugena, probably because she is the only one who used any damn makeup, and despite the fact that her skin is terrible. Maybe the Queen was just feeling charitable and thought Eugena could most use the lifetime supply of Cover Girl foundation that is part of the prize. Eugena gets to pick two friends to share in her prize, and chooses Caridee and Jaeda. They will get to take a photo that will be on the Cover Girl website, in an insanely airbrushed format. On the ride home, Monique is pissed. Megan plans to avoid her for the rest of the day.
When they get home, Monique heads straight for the phone. As she's entering the phone room, Melrose asks her how long she's going to be on the phone. Monique does not answer and slams the door; she then bitches on the phone to her mother that the other girls got to meet Queen Latifah. Melrose interviews that she really needed to get on the phone to talk with her landlord about getting her deposit back. $1,000 is at stake! A caption tells us that Monique has been on the phone for forty minutes. The door to the phone room is glass, and Melrose gestures that she'd like to use the phone for five minutes. There is no response from Monique. A caption then tells us that Monique has been on the phone for one hour and twenty-three minutes. Jesus. Monique complains to her mother about the "raggedy, untalented models" who got to the competition and suddenly think they're the stuff. Raggedy, Untalented Model is the name of Monique's autobiography.
Monique has now been on the phone for almost two hours. The others try to get her attention in funny ways. Michelle holds up a sharp knife, and Caridee moons and flashes her. Finally, Monique emerges to say, "I'm really enjoying this phone call! It's great!" and then heads right back in. She is not even bitchy in an interesting way. I miss Jade. Michelle eats Doritos. Amanda mocks Monique in the confessional and says that she's acting like a two-year old. The two-year olds I know are actually better behaved than that. Someone -- A.J., I think -- tells Monique that it's not their fault she couldn't get on the damn elevator, so she has no business taking it out on them. This is true. Monique has now been on the phone for two and a half hours. And then, everything becomes clear. Monique's mother actually says, "When they mess with a child of God, they've got trouble on their hands. You tell them, 'I am a Princess of the Throne.'" Okay, Princess of the Throne? I'd love to see what Monique's mother tells the children she actually likes.
And then, finally, Anchal of all people marches into the phone room. Anchal interviews that Monique is a drama queen and a stupid little bitch. It's taken me about 4,000 words to say that very thing. Well done, Anchal! Anchal hangs up the phone. Monique screams at Anchal not to hang up the phone, Anchal screams back at Monique, and so forth. Michelle comes in and just kind of stands there, I think in case there's trouble. Michelle is totally Anchal's lanky bodyguard! Monique yells that she's not there to make friends, and could care less. Anchal says that Monique needs to learn to respect other people. Meanwhile, Megg cooks a veggie burger or something, which is very rock n' roll. Monique says that this is her time and that she's not getting off the phone. She actually just sits there with the phone up to her head and no one on the other end and flips through a magazine. She then confessionalizes that the other girls can all kiss her grits. Okay, she's horrible, but she gets at least fifty points for saying "kiss my grits." She finally gets off of the phone after three hours and thirty-one minutes, and then yells to an empty kitchen that she's done and the other girls can use the phone. She also sees Tyra Mail and runs in an exaggerated fashion. Would that there had been a strategically placed banana peel. Commercials.
In Dani(elle)'s life as a Cover Girl, she has a go-see at new ANTM sponsor Seventeen magazine. And what does an aspiring model wear to a go-see? Why, Cover Girl Wetslicks, of course. Dani(elle) says, "It gives me a high-beam shine, but at the same time it feels like a balm." Feels like a balm, shines like a beacon. Nothing about smelling like cupcakes? I'm disappointed. As I'm sure you predicted, Dani(elle) is going to be in the magazine. She says in a Ben Stein-esque painful monotone, "I'm so excited, you don't understand." What happened to the charismatic Dani(elle) we loved? I think that the little-publicized fourth component of the Top Model winner's prize is actually a lobotomy.
We return to more bitchery about Monique. Melrose says that everyone needs to stop responding to Monique. Brooke says that eventually she'll get so fed up of being the most hated girl in the house that it will be miserable for her to be there. Oh, please. Monique feeds off of that shit. Monique interviews something unintelligible, but infuriating nonetheless.
There is Tyra Mail. "It's time to wig out, pump up the volume, and get amped. Can you handle it, baby?" Anchal looks unsure as to whether she can handle it.
The girls guzzle their way to Siren Studios, where they meet Jay Manuel. He notes that Eugena won the Queen challenge, and that she, Jaeda, and Caridee will have a photo shoot. This happens. Jaeda ironically looks even more manly in a girly white dress. Eugena notes that the others might be a little jealous, but that she really doesn't care. Eugena's half-hearted efforts to be the season's biggest bitch really aren't panning out so well.
Jay says that it's time for the funnest photo shoot ever. They have flown in some special guests to do some of the most crazy, outrageous hair that the world has ever seen. Jay tells us about hair shows, like Hair Wars, that feature giant, crazy wigs, often with moving parts. This is what the girls must face today. The theme for the day is "Does the hair wear you, or do you wear the hair?" Jay introduces the team of Weavologists: Mr. Little, Lisa B., and Weavin' Steven, who in fact looks like a gayer, whiter, yet wanting to be blacker Stephen Baldwin. The weavologists set to task, with some crazy results.
Monique has a big swoop and a trophy on her hair, which she says is because she's a winner. The trophy probably has one little person clawing another little person's eyes out. Jay tells her to sell herself, and not the wig. The photographer is Tracy Bayne. Monique does confoundingly well. Jay is surprised about this. Anchal is , and Jay gives her kudos as well. Brooke has an American-themed wig, and Jay tells her to do something crazy or zany. She screams, and Jay likes that she did something that wasn't safe. Jay tells Amanda to use her great features to her advantage. She makes some crazy faces. Michelle says that, in her bird-like wig, she seriously resembled Toucan Sam. Heh. And also, true. Megan gives a wink. And speaking of Megan, she has spinning hair. Jay tells her to drop her shoulder, because it makes her look longer and leaner. He asks Megan what she's thinking. NOT ABOUT HER MOTHER DYING IN A PLANE CRASH, THAT'S FOR SURE! He tells her to recall their earlier conversation, and to find a vulnerable place. ["She doesn't need to find a vulnerable place. She's in one. She has hair with motors!" -- Wing Chun] Megan interviews that she didn't realize how hard it was to show emotion in your face, but that you really have to put yourself back in a certain time where you felt a certain way. Is it really necessary to take yourself back to a place of horrendous and painful personal tragedy when you're modeling a kicky wig with spinning parts? I mean, really? ["I'm saying." -- Wing Chun] is Megg. Jay would like to see her do something a little more quirky. A.J. apparently does well, despite the fact that she's been kind of a shit-slice this episode. Tracy says that Eugena had the attitude of knowing exactly what she was doing, but in actuality knew nothing. Jay loves Caridee's shots. Melrose does well, to the surprise and pleasure of Jay. He asks her where it all came from, and she says that's what she's really got. Jaeda, whose boobs look massive, struggles. She says something about getting angry, and thinking that showed in her picture. Jay notes that she isn't listening to him. He asks if she wants to go home, and says she has four frames to make a change. The four frames happen, but the necessary change does not. Eep!
Tyra Mail! Someone is going home. But meanwhile, something really weird, and that I don't quite understand, or don't want to believe, happens. Anchal interviews that during the Tyra Mail, Melrose started freaking out. We see Monqiue sneak up behind Melrose, and then Melrose yells and runs away, and then walks down the hallway saying that she's going to vomit. Melrose interviews thusly: "Monique puts her hand up her wet towel, and, like, goes like that onto my face." "Go[ing] like that" seems to entail some sort of wiping motion. Melrose rinses off her face, which is -- I guess???? -- now defiled with Monique's cooter juice. I say "I guess" because I just can't bear to think that this is what actually happened. The other girls laugh. Melrose says that it smells like eggs, and like a seventeen-year-old spoiled pumpkin. Okay, gross. Brooke says that this is just unhygienic. And also really, really, really weird. Jaeda interviews that none of the girls wants to see anyone go home except Monique, who is crazy and impossible to live with. Melrose rolls on the floor and kind of cry-laughs, I guess because the fumes have gone to her brain. Commercials.
When we return, it's time for panel. There is a pretty great shot of Tyra in a crazy wig, followed by in-person Tyra wearing one of Mrs. Roeper's cast-off caftans. She says that she doesn't recognize any of the girls, presumably due to their makeovers and not the fact that she's losing her vision to the point that she can't dress herself in anything decent. There are prizes, there are judges. Tracy the photographer is the guest judge. Tyra notes that Tracy has a storied history with the show, having done the Horoscope shoot from Season 4, and the fairy tale shoot from Season 6.
Melrose is first. Tyra and Nigel love her blonde makeover and say that it makes her look younger and fresher. The judges love her photo, even though I think her face looks hideous.
Anchal is and gets raves. Her photo is really good. Tracy notes that she has such tiny features that she needs to exaggerate her facial expressions.
is Jaeda, and Tyra notes that she looks like she's scared of the hair. Jaeda says that she's still getting used to it. Tyra says that she doesn't want to see that, and that it makes her wonder if Jaeda can't handle the hair and needs to go home. Tyra haaaaaaaaaates Jaeda, and thus tells her that she's no longer the prettiest girl in school. Tyra is going to tell her that every week until she goes home. Jaeda says that she just has to get used to her new look.
Tyra loves Megg's hair, despite the fact that the weave is looking ratty. Of her photo, Nigel tells Megg that she needs to watch her underbite. Tyra says that the minute Megg relaxes, she turns into a normal girl and needs to pull the model out.
Tyra notes that Caridee has wet hair, and Nigel basically tells her that she looks a mess. She really needs some styling help. Miss J. tells Caridee not to lose her neck. Nigel says that she looks a little mannish in the photo, and that she has to watch her strong jaw, which can make her appear a little drag. Miss J. says, "Drag on, girl, drag on," and Caridee laughs.
is Eugena. Twiggy says that she looks masculine. Tyra says that photo was the only one in which Eugena gave anything. Tracy says that she gave Eugena so much direction, to no avail, because Eugena thinks she already knows everything. Tyra basically tells Eugena that she ain't all that and needs to eat some humble pie. Doused in Proactiv, I would add.
Michelle's photo is now and contemporary, and she really nailed it, according to Nigel. Tyra notes that Michelle had a lot of photos to choose from, which is great.
Tyra compliments Amanda on her giant elfin ears. No, I am serious. Amanda's shot is also stellar, and Tracy notes that Amanda has been practicing and knows her angles.
I think that Brooke's photo is terrible, but the judges love it. Nigel worries that she's too cutesy in person, but looking at her photo, he has faith. Argh.
I think that Megan's photo is pretty, but no one on the panel likes it. Miss J. says that she has no neck. Nigel says that it's the weakest of the bunch, and Tyra says that Megan seems to have gotten lost with the hair. ["Yeah, that's what happens when your hair has moving parts." -- Wing Chun]
is A.J., and Twiggy likes that her new look takes away her "gothy thing." A.J. once again smirks. Twiggy says that her photo is very peculiar, but I think she means it as a compliment. Tyra says that her body looks great, but that her nose looks big.
is Monique. Nigel likes the picture, but not Monique in it. Tyra notes that Mr. Jay said that Monique's shoot was a huge improvement from the first one, which in all fairness wasn't that hard since Monique sucked on the first shoot.
The girls leave as the judges deliberate. Twiggy thinks Michelle is one of the strong ones, and Tyra agrees that she knows what she's doing. Tracy loves Amanda. Twiggy thinks that Michelle is stronger, but as a pair, the twins are very distinctive. Nigel says that Eugena is never going to make it with her amateur modeling. Tracy says that she wouldn't take direction, but Tyra says that she does have potential. Miss J. says that Brooke looks like a cute cheerleader, but not a model. Twiggy bemoans Megg's terrible posture, but Tyra says that she's really struggling and trying. Nigel says that A.J. has the awkwardness, birdlike qualities, and great skin that fashion people love. Miss J. wants A.J. to want it more. Tyra says that Jaeda gets lost if she has anything to distract her, and Tracy agrees that shooting Jaeda was painful. Miss J. says that Megan is boring. Nigel says that she has a great body and bone structure, but that her picture is bad. Twiggy agrees. Anchal is serving it. Miss J. loves Melrose's makeover and body language, and Nigel says that Melrose has done a 180 and is now up and together. Miss J. thought that Monique was beautiful when he saw her, but that her photos aren't doing it for him. Nigel agrees. Nigel thinks that Caridee looks quite drag, which could be a problem. Tyra says that she loves Caridee looking like a drag queen, and Miss J. does a little "Well, look who's talking" kind of thing that Tyra seems oblivious to.
Twelve young girls stand before Tyra, but she only has eleven photos. The first name that she's going to call is...Melrose. Followed by Anchal, Amanda, Michelle, A.J., Caridee, Brooke, Eugena, Megg, and Monique. This, of course, leaves Jaeda and Megan. Oh, dear. Tyra notes that both of the girls have short haircuts, and both look strong to the eye. However, they both failed miserably at the photo shoot, and were lost underneath all the crazy wigness of it all. But maybe Jaeda can be found. Tyra tells her to go home and throw a mop over her head and see if she can model through that. That is really stellar advice. This, of course, means that it's Megan's time to go. Sad! She hugs the other girls, and then Tyra. Michelle looks very disappointed about it all. Megan says that she's surprised to have gone this early, and thought she would have lasted longer. However, she acknowledges, in modeling, a person isn't given many opportunities. She wishes that she could have shown more of herself and her character to the judges. And, may I add, to us.
on ANTM: Miss J. walks a tightrope, and Melrose and Monique appear dangerously close to fisticuffs.