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Previously: something about a granola bar. Also, Kim was eliminated. Four girls remain!
And now, gentle readers, I must veer off-topic for a moment and let you know that my friend Matt and I still need a band name. We're a little bit country, and a little bit rock n' roll, and nameless. We have whittled down the selection of potential names and now entrust you, fans of Television Without Pity, to make the final decision. Unless you pick something that we don't like at all, in which case your vote counts the same as, like, Twiggy's. But anyway, see the poll to the right!
It is night. Nicole confessionalizes that she thought Bre would be eliminated, but instead, Kim was. She says that she doesn't trust Bre because of the stupid shit she's pulled. Well, the "stupid shit" might be a bit of editorializing on my part. Flashback to Nicole's confrontation with Bre, in which Bre refused to pay for or replace Nicole's Red Bull. Nicole is very sad that Kim was eliminated, and will miss her in the house.
The morning, Bre and Jayla hang out in the hotel room. Bre says that she's tired of people taking her stuff and being inconsiderate. Jayla interviews that Bre and Nicole are upset at one another, and that it's all over "a frickin' granola bar." She says it in a way that demonstrates she is fully appreciative of the stupidity of GranolaGate. Bre cries a little and says that nobody there sees her as a good person, but that she is a good person. To which I say, bullshit. She is maybe a mediocre person on her best days. She says with an evil-looking grin that she knows Nicole disliked her before, but now Nicole hates her. And if that is the case -- which it kind of is -- you can't really blame Nicole. Bre interviews that her position in the competition has been tarnished, and all over a stupid granola bar. At least she realizes the dumb-asshishness of the whole situation. She says that she knows she's wrong for not apologizing, but that she guesses she just doesn't care. And that's because she's hardheaded. And speaking of hardheaded, thank you to everyone who emailed to correctly identify the bitchy twig lady whose name I couldn't remember in my last recap as the estimable Miss Hickory, and for reminding me that her head was made of a nut -- hence the literal hardheadedness. And how awesome would it be if a squirrel stole Bre's head, just like what happened to Miss Hickory, and she had to look for a new one? Except then maybe she'd find an actually modelesque one and win the competition, which would be totally unacceptable and maybe even against the rules, on account of it not really being her own head. Anyway, I digress. But Miss Hickory is fierce!
“ Jayla reads aloud only, 'Dress the part: punk.' The first part of that was totally, 'We want to expose you for the poser that you are.' ”
Bre says that she doesn't know why she's still there. You and the free world both, sister. Jayla kind of wonders the same thing, and says that she stopped trying to figure things out when Lisa went home. She confessionalizes that she's extremely confused by the entire competition. And just when you think she's going to show some self-awareness and say, "because I deserved to go home before some of the other girls," Jayla blurts that she's done consistently better than some of the other girls in the final four, and doesn't understand why they're ahead of her now. Ass. Jayla says all that matters is that she's still there and has another chance. But not for long, sucker!
Tyra Mail! But this time, each girl gets her own Tyra Mail. Quelle twist! Bre's reads, "Gear up for school. Find out at 7:00 AM. Dress the part: preppy." Nik's says, "From every twig a fashion movement grows. Dress the part: mod." Nicole's is, "East is West at 7:00 AM. Dress the part: Bollywood." The girls do not know what Bollywood is. Jayla reads aloud only, "Dress the part: punk." The first part of that was totally, "We want to expose you for the poser that you are."
The girls struggle with their dress codes. Nicole is still bewildered about the meaning of "Bollywood." Bre hates the preppy look. Jayla says that she is a punk, so she can just throw some clothes on, and she's good to go. Oh, sweet hubris. Nicole tells Nik to be sure and wear her sunglasses, because that's mod. Nik says that she doesn't think she's the only one who's nervous right now.
The girls go to Carnaby Street, where they meet a tiny elfin man who any fan of ANTM can immediately identify as the irrepressible Simon Doonan, creative director of Barney's. Yes, it's the very Simon Doonan who put the phrase "ho style" on the map, and he's going to teach the girls the history of London fashion. He asks if any of them are familiar with Carnaby Street. Crickets chirp, and the Top Model crew really needs to find another sound effect to express dim-wittedness. It's not their fault, really. It's just that the models are so dumb that any sound indicative of "dumb as dirt" is bound to be overplayed. Simon tells the girls that Carnaby Street was the epicenter of the 1960s London fashion explosion. The girls are going to be tested on what they learn about London fashion. Simon tells them that if they're lucky, they can end up as models on Carnaby Street; if not, they might wind up with the hookers down in SoHo. Jayla gives a silent "Yippee!" Simon insincerely says, "Just kidding."
The girls enter an exhibit about the various ideas that are driving British fashion. Simon explains to the girls that Bollywood is where Indian movies are made, and that it's all about excess, color, and sequins. We see a few Bollywood movie clips. He asks who was instructed to dress in the Bollywood style, and Nicole -- who is clad in a black shirt and jeans -- admits that it was she. Simon gives her a colorful sari to wear. She says that she's not sure how to wear it, and asks Simon for help. He just looks at her. She wraps it cape-style around herself and says that she never does the right thing. Simon goes over and wraps it around her neck like a scarf. It's so big that it looks kind of funny.