Previously on America's Top Model: some of New York's "Top Designers" (and we give those accolades liberally), including greasy dillwad Marc Bouwer, judged the girls during go-sees. This was problematic for Toccara, who was a bit too plus for the haute couture bus. Ann proved that she was more than a "pretty face" -- she's a pretty face who occasionally takes a decent photograph. And Cassie was sent home without much fanfare. Seven girls remain!
New York! The sky is blue and the grass, such as it is, is green. But wait, apparently it's night! Or maybe first thing in the morning. And what better way to end the day or begin the morning than by sitting in your silk kimono on your bed and talking out your worries with your fully-dressed mom? This is where the cameras just happened to come across Tyra and Mama Banks discussing the last elimination. Like, I am so sure. Tyra tells her mom that, after much deliberation among the judges, Cassie was sent home over full-figured Toccara. According to Tyra, this was very hard for Tyra, because Cassie confessed to her that she was bulimic, and Tyra "tried to get her help," which Cassie refused. I'm sorry, but Joy Bauer said that Cassie should talk to someone, Cassie refused, and no one said a word about it after that. Tyra -- who is on the verge of what I'm sure are totally real tears, given her face which is clearly genuinely concerned and not just outfitted in the "Up All Night Red" shade of eyeshadow -- didn't know what else she could do. Tyra's mom says it's not as if Tyra threw Cassie away, and that you can only do so much to help a person who is lost. Cassie needs to do some soul-searching and look within to find the strength to get the help that she needs, and also the strength to do her routine hanging from the trapeze that was just installed at the Foxy Lady where she works. And then we hear the vocals to "Shake Ya Body" which the drummer accidentally tripped, and Tyra does a hoedown and runs off of the set. That is how fake this moment is. And it totally happened three months after they were done shooting the show. And it's a wad of flaming poop.
Toccara interviews that at the last elimination, Nol said that America wasn't ready to see a plus-sized top model. Toccara says that her mission is to break the norm and show that big girls can be high-fashion too. Eva prepares burritos for Ann and Norelle (which departs only slightly from Ann's usual taco lunch) and wonders how fattening it is. She gets a little excitable, and Ann says, "Oh stop it, not today, please." An argument over a burrito was exactly how Ellen and Anne's descent began, so I fear that this is a bad sign. Eva interviews that the other girls see her as loud and crazy, but that she has feelings and layers. And rest assured that one of those layers is a practical flannel. But in the competition, she acts tough because all of her guards are up. Ann says that the burritos are low in carbohydrates. A sulky Yaya replies, "Carbohydrates, schmarbohydrates." Ah, the eloquence that can only come with an Ivy League education! Yaya interviews that she comes "from a different place" than the other girls (at this we get a great shot of Ann belching) and that she's not getting swept up in the superficial world of modeling. Yeah, I totally got that when she was prancing around in her rack of designer dresses last week. And when she agreed to be on this show. Anyway, the subtext of this whole thing is that Yaya is educated and sophisticated, but the reality, of course, is that she's a snotty snit. She says to Ann, "Did you ever think that this low-carb fascination is...[eyes wide, patronizing tone, sounding like she's talking to a retarded child] a GIMMICK?" And again I totally agree with her, but it's all in the tone. Ann interviews that Yaya has a bitchy attitude and thinks she knows everything. For the record, Yaya also has some major shine and a shoebox diorama of the Appalachian Trail on the left side of her face.
Ann answers a knock on the door, and two men and a woman appear. The first introduces herself as "Rebecca Weinberg. I'm a stylist. An Emmy Award-winning stylist." First of all, she is dressed like a refugee from an '80s video set in a hospital ("She Blinded Me With Science," maybe? But less hot). Second of all, she has an ugly blonde streak in the front of her hair that is pulled up into a little greasy pouf and makes her completely reminiscent of a highlighted Ed Grimley. And third of all, it is so not cool to introduce yourself and tout your accolades. That would be like me saying, "Hi, I'm Potes. I'm a recapper. A recapper with a love thread" and expecting people to be impressed. You can tell right off that she's such a loser. The two guys are Paul Wilmot and Hampton Carney, publicists. And I wish Kelle were still around just so we could see her doodling "Mrs. Hampton Carney" on the back of her notebook. The publicists are wearing blazers and ties with jeans. Oooh, you crazy hipsters! Paul says that they are there to give the girls a tutorial about image and give them some tips on how to present themselves at events. Because the red carpet looms so large in their collective futures. They will also have one-on-ones with Rebecca, who will help them go through their closets and give them advice on creating their own personal "looks." For some reason, I'm picturing a lot of "neon green and culottes are so cool!" There is a shot of Rebecca at this time, and she has pulled the v-neck of her shirt (itself a cast off from the J. Geils "Freeze Frame" video) to reveal a calligraphied "R" tattooed on her shoulder. I can think of but one example of a person who can rock the "first initial" look, and that is the award-winning bottlecapper Miss Laverne Defazio. And you, Rebecca Weinberg, are no Laverne Defazio.
Paul and Hampton start with Yaya, who says that she is "a very worldly individual" and just graduated from an Ivy League university. She says that she can talk to people about almost anything, but that she isn't sure what kind of conversation is appropriate in the fashion world. See, the thing about Ivy League graduates is that they really can talk to people about almost anything, but what they don't realize is that other people are rolling their eyes throughout and later reporting what assholes they are. Not that I'm generalizing, mind you. Hampton tells her that if she doesn't think that she knows all the answers, people will like her better, much like the viewing audience liked her more before we got to hear her speak.