, Janice teaches the girls how to be a diva in an evening gown. As the girls pose for photographs, she tells Eva that she's "all wrong." Eva interviews that she likes Janice, because Janice doesn't sugarcoat things. In fact, she pours battery acid on them. But more points to Eva for liking Janice. Janice tells Eva that she has a bit of a handicap because she's smaller, so she needs to think length. And at this point, Janice is actually towering over her, and the two look vaguely reminiscent of Webster and Ma'am Papadapolis. Eva strikes a diva pose, and Janice interviews that she has potential. Janice is impressed by Norelle, and says that even though she can't walk in heels, she can pose in them. And in her interviews, I have to say that Janice actually looks kind of...gulp...pretty. And is being kind of nice. Yeah, I don't know what to make of it either. Janice tells Toccara to hike up her nipples so that they aren't pointing downward. I'm sorry, but I can't believe I just wrote that sentence. My elite undergraduate literary training has really taken me far. Janice calls Toccara a diva queen and says she nailed the pose. Nicole also nails it. Janice tells Ann to spin, and bring motion to those "stringy thingies" at the bottom of her dress. Janice repeats "stringy thingies" and cracks herself up. I think she just had a little acid flashback. Janice schools Jennipher and tells her that she needs to do better. She says, "Pretend it's a cow just giving birth, like it's the most incredible cow giving birth, and sell me the gown when I ask you." And now, I will know exactly what to imagine when I need to muster up excitement about something. Janice tells Kelle that there is no expression in her face. She interviews, "It was like I was at the dentist's office pulling out a tooth. I couldn't get her expression to change." And for just one second, I want you to imagine that Janice Dickinson is performing any sort of dental work on you. Yeah. So the time Dr. Cho accidentally pokes your gums with that scrapey tool, just put it all in perspective. Janice then tells Kelle to hide her face, which Kelle does. And that is the beginning of many sad Kelle moments this episode. Kelle interviews that she was discouraged, and also feeling sensitive because her pictures have been so horrible. She says that she's maybe not as cute as she thought she was. And while she's saying this, she looks totally cute. Oh, poor Kelle. Janice thanks the girls for allowing her to be of service to them. More Janice! More Janice!
Back at the apartment, Yaya is teaching Kelle a dance routine. Toccara mocks Kelle, who laughs. Tyra walks in just as Kelle is about to come to the realization that it is more than a really dark tan, and tells the girls that she's come to have a one-on-one Tyrapy session with each of them.
Oh, here we go. Kelle is first. She asks Tyra what her strengths and weaknesses are. Tyra says that Kelle's strength is her skin, and her weakness is that she doesn't understand her face. And also that she's a cracker, and the judges all hate her. Kelle says that it's hard because it's so different when she looks in the mirror, and Tyra says, "Kelle, it's not different in the mirror. Uh-uh. That mirror is a photo." Tyra gives Kelle no sympathy, because she hates her. Thanks for your caring and compassion, No-prah.
Ann tells Tyra that modeling is difficult, and that she thought it would come more naturally to her. Tyra tells Ann that she's good at everything else because she studies and practices, and that modeling is no different.
Cassie tells Tyra that she's glad to be there, and that she's not going back to stripping. Tyra says, "If I have anything to do with it, you ain't going back. I'll be coming up on the stage and grabbing your little naked butt off that stage and saying, 'You coming home with me, Cassie.'" I quote this in full because it is a total lie, and I want to be able to link to it in two months when someone on the forms posts news of a Cassie sighting at the Foxy Lady. Cassie is moved that Tyra cares so much. Just one more log to add to the flames of hardened bitterness and disappointment, is the hope that someone cares.
Tyra does not think that Jennipher really wants to be there. Jennipher flatly says she doesn't know why people think that. Tyra tells Jennipher that she needs to wear her emotion more on her sleeve, and less on her butt. Jennipher says that she took this bit of advice as, "If your personality doesn't come out, [you are] going home." Unfortunately, Jennipher's personality sucks, so it's really a lose-lose situation.
is Toccara. She says that she is in the competition to win, and also to break barriers by becoming the first black plus-size supermodel. Well, missy, I think Nell Carter might have something to say about that. People have not been supportive of this goal, and Tyra asks how that feels. Toccara says that she's been through a lot of negative stuff in her life, and that her parents didn't raise her. She starts to cry. Tyra tells Toccara that this is a beautiful part of her, and makes her a better person because it shows that she's three-dimensional. Toccara says, "Maybe once I get to where I want to go...maybe I can have my mommy, I can have my daddy. And then I just realized that I don't have power, like, she has to want it, my daddy has to want it. So it doesn't matter who I am or who I become...I can't make them do anything." I am so confused right now. Tyra says that Toccara's success on the show might make them want it. ["What's 'it,' Tyra? Unclear pronoun!" -- Wing Chun] While crying, Toccara says that she can't cry no more. She says she can't go right back to the same thing, which is apparently something horrible. What exactly is so bad? Did her parents abuse her? Abandon her? Hide her crystals? Tyra tells her that her tears show that it's still there and still inside. Toccara says she's toughened up because she can't do anything about it or dwell on it. And I'd tell you what the "it" was if I had any idea, but I really don't. ["My point." -- Wing Chun] Toccara is bawling. Tyra says that Toccara's eleven-year-old sister is looking up to her, and that Toccara has to use that as power. Tyra practically (but not actually, for obvious reasons) makes Toccara sit on her lap while she comforts her. She says that Toccara can't change her parents, but that she can do for her and her sister, and be an inspiration for her mother. She says that Toccara's mother will say, "I screwed up so bad, I don't know how my baby got there, but she got there. She got there." Will someone please tell me what's going on here? Man, I really wish they would let Janice do the Oprah-ing on this show. She'd be all, "My Aunt Sadie used me as a pincushion until I was fifteen. Get over it." And then we could get back to the important stuff, like how to successfully create a glamorous smoky eye.
Tyra mail! "Did you ever have a dream that you were walking around in only your underwear?" Yes, in fact, I did! Recurrently, when I was a child, I dreamed that I walked to my elementary school in my underwear, but only realized it once I got there, and then it was already too late. This may explain why I now shower fully clothed. The girls discuss what the challenge may be, and use the word "panties" many times successively. Ew. "Panties" is one of my most reviled words, coming in second only to "moist." Put those two together and, well, I think you can see where I'm going with this one. Eva says she's going to wear her "lucky lady drawers." Aww. I'm sure Eva gets lucky with the ladies no matter what drawers she has on. Oh, Ann, stop getting so jealous -- you know those drawers are yours.
The girls pull up to La Perla. Amanda interviews that everybody knows La Perla is "it" when it comes to lingerie. Oh, shut up, you. As they enter the store they are greeted by Simon Doonan, recurring guest star and creative director for Barney's, who is wearing Olsen-twins sized sunglasses. Or maybe they only appear to be so big because he is such a tiny, tiny man. He tells the girls that today's challenge is all about posing. They are going to be dressed in lingerie and put in La Perla's window for all of New York to see! He tells them that they must look alluring and interesting, but not cheap and slutty. At this, Cassie is visibly perturbed. The girls are going to be divided into three groups, each of which has to pose for ten minutes. Now, if they would only throw in, say, a few thousand fire ants, we'd have a real competition. The winner will get $5,000 worth of lingerie. An assistant outfits the girls, and asks for their sizes. Kelle is a 34D and...yikes! At least she has a small body and a big rack to draw attention away from the snout. Eva says she doesn't know what size she is, because she never wears a bra. I'll tell you, the Eva coming-out probably won't be the focus of an episode this season...but a recapper can hope, can't she? Toccara then says that she's a 38DDD. A gong sounds. That was kind of rude, editors. La Perla doesn't have Toccara's size in stock. Couldn't someone have called ahead with the girls' measurements? Toccara is forced to wear a short robe, but she makes do with what she's given. Yaya practices some silly-looking poses, and demonstrates a small speech impediment that is a bit Elmer Fudd-esque in nature. She says that she is "wemembewing" the poses that Janice gave them. Kelle interviews that she is feeling pretty good after all of her practice in the mirror.
The judges evaluate the photos. Janice says that Toccara looks like she is a cavewoman who is going to throw Lanny over her shoulder, which I quite frankly would love to see. Tyra immediately jumps to Toccara's defense, because she loves Toccara. They look at her photo from the Dooney and Bourke shoot, which is lacking sexiness. is Norelle. Janice says that she needed to "engage with the boy," and demonstrates by pulling Nigel close to her. She says, "Ew," and he says, "That was scary." Aw, those two lovebirds and their PDA! Norelle's roller skating photo was great. Jennipher hid behind Lanny and -- surprise -- had no intensity. Her photo from the shoot sucked slash really sucked. Janice asks Jennipher why she wants to be a model, and Jennipher says, "We went through this last week." Oh, no she di'int! Janice says, "WHAT?" while pointing her magic pen of evil at Jennipher. The other girls all look astounded. Kiss. Of. Death. Tyra says that Lanny is showing up Eva. Nigel says something about Eva's hat on her skating shoot, and Eva explains that what looks like a hat was actually her hair. Janice says, "Why didn't he put the hat on your head instead of your face?" and Eva says, "That was the look he was going for." The judges all like the fact that she did not lay blame on someone else. Nicole was so-so with Lanny, but her skating photo was great. Tyra says it was the strongest picture in the bunch. Yaya is more of a dancer than a model. Janice thinks that Yaya's skating photo is tops. Nol calls Ann his "orgasmic letdown." He gets excited about her, but every time he sees her photos he's like "Yes! Yes! ...No." Nigel says that Ann's photo is not bad, but that it's not the best she can do. She needs to be powerful and exciting. He points to Janice and Tyra as examples of powerful and exciting women, and Janice leans in to get a kiss on the cheek. Aww. The judges love Amanda, both with Lanny and in her skating shot. Blah blah blah. Man. I am going to have to get used to the fact that Amanda's going to stick around for a while. Cassie was boring and "safe." Kelle was very bossy with Lanny and intimidated him. She gets points for trying something different. Janice says that Kelle's neck looks like that of a quarterback in her skating photo, and that she has the same face in every photograph. Janice throws her head down on her hands to show her disgust.
The judges deliberate. Ann is beautiful, but is a big loser in her photos. Norelle looked dynamite, says Nigel, but Janice thinks she only has one look. Janice loved Yaya's photographs, but Nigel still thinks she looks too much like a dancer. And it appears that while he was talking, Janice actually fell asleep then woke herself with a start. Mathew thinks Cassie is a cold fish. Nol thinks she's "hot as hell," and Tyra thinks she's "sellable. Very sellable." Mathew says that Toccara is vibrant in person, but dead on film, and Janice says she's gotta go. Tyra says incredulously, "So you're gonna throw somebody away because they had one bad shot?" and Janice deadpans, "Yes." Tyra gives a look that says, "Why this crazy bitch still on my show?" Eva has star power in person, but in photographs she's good...but not great. Nicole was great. Jennipher has a pretty face, but not much else. Janice says, "She's not the worst of the lot." I am assuming that the worst of the lot is Kelle. Everyone jizzes all over Amanda. Nol says that Kelle looks like J. Alexander in her photo, and a split screen shows a photo of J. in a similar wig. Hee! Tyra says that Kelle's photo is the best that she's ever taken, but when you compare it to the other girls, it's not very good. Janice says, "Well there you have it. Duh."
Ten girls stand before Tyra, but she only has nine photos in her hands. And those photos represent the nine girls who are still in the running towards becoming America's Top Model. Those girls are: Amanda, Yaya, Norelle, Eva, Nicole, Toccara, Ann, and Cassie. Will Jennipher and Kelle please step forward? Jennipher, from week to week it seems like you don't want to be here. As much as you say you want to be here, the judges don't feel it. Kelle, your pictures are some of the worst of the bunch. Some of the judges wonder why you are still here. When they look at you in person, they see a model; when they look at your pictures they see a fugly snout. "Kelle, maybe there is some potential locked in there somewhere." So long, Pocatello! Jennipher angrily sobs that if she didn't want to be there, she wouldn't have left everything she had back home. Like Saturday evenings at the Pocatello Wal-Mart, perhaps? Who'd want to give that up! She feels that modeling is her purpose, but maybe not at this time. And while she is ranting, we get a chance to see her messed-up bottom teeth, which look a bit like the Manhattan skyline against which she is taking her leave.
Coming up on ANTM! Cassie 'fesses up about her dark secret to Tyra, so rest assured that the whole episode is going to take the form of a public service announcement. Ann does something to Cassie's brownies, and Kelle causes Jay to bitch at her.