By Angel Cohn
After some gushing over Azmarie's ferocious photo of the week, the girls have to figure out how to use some odd technology to get a video transmission from Jay. I'd say this was better than the vague Tyra Mail messages, but as he's sending them to Toronto Fashion Week... it's so lame.
Once in Canada, the girls are tasked with booking runway shows for that very night, and they can win clothing from Jay's clothing collection (likely only available north of the border). There are eight possible designers casting the girls, who apparently have no qualms with waiting to the last damned minute if it means they can get free models. Totally budget. Why are there no backwards people movers, or something where they are trussed up and dangled from the CN Tower like Jay joked? You know, a real challenge for these girls to contend with?
Once the girls go out in the real world, they quickly find out that they suck. The woman from the Pink Tartan fashion house doesn't like swinging hips, so Seymone is screwed, obviously. She wonders if she even has to go to the fashion event if she doesn't book anything. Way to stay positive! Then the girls trek to a conference room in a random hotel where they walk in front of six designers. Well, that's efficient? And weird. Most of the girls do well, but Ashley, Catherine and Seymone can't do a runway stomp to save their lives. Sophie and Eboni booked four shows each, so Jay's judging how they perform to see who wins the challenge. Quite the nail-biter... if I actually cared. But then, in a surprisingly fun bit, that awesome bitch from Pink Tartan decides to cut Kyle and Laura during rehearsal because the concept of pacing is just too complex for them. No meltdowns, but Kyle looks hella pissed, so I'll take it.
Before the shows, which apparently are all happening back-to-back, Jay tells the girls he's super psyched that they are at a real Fashion Week... in Canada. Seymone has bitch face on because she didn't book anything, and I guess a producer somewhere told her she still had to come. Jay tells her to fucking smile, as she's a model and it is her job to pretend that she's happy when she's not.
Azmarie rocks the catwalk, even closing one of the shows, but seems melancholy. She interviews about how her mother wasn't too psyched to find out that Az was a lesbian, but likes that she models and is girly. Ashley misses her wee little ones and would very much like to win anything. A pack of gum. A one-dollar lottery ticket. Clothing from the Jay Manuel fashion line. Anything.
The day we find out who won the challenge. How did these girls sleep? Did the suspense not just kill them? Jay tells Eboni and Sophie both win pieces from his clothes and they get tickets to come back to Canada... for a rodeo. These are the worst prizes ever. Seriously. Even RuPaul's Drag Race (which is made for all of three dollars) sends its bitches on a cruise.
Sophie is very threatened by Azmarie and has made it her mission to take her down. The photographer of the week has taken pictures for Canada's Top Model... so... um... good for him. The girls model in bikinis made out of fake maple leaves and then they are covered with maple syrup. Just in case we forgot that this was filmed in Canada. This is nowhere near as great as the time in Greece when they made them pose in a bowl of feta, so try harder, Show.
On set, Laura is having a breakdown because her best friend died a few days before she left to do this stupid show. She's determined to power through as maple syrup drizzles down and into her mouth. Jay makes Ashley cry by bringing up her babies. The tears may also be caused by that the stagehand poured syrup directly in her eye. Kyle says if you leave your kids, you have to deal because this is a competition. Shut the hell up, Kyle. This from a girl who wanted to leave last week for no real reason. Seymone is a little too excited about the syrup, so she's probably fun in bed.
At panel, the girls are still in the t-shirts of their respective countries. And even though some have customized them to be more stylish, I can't help but miss when people used to dress in junky crap and get picked on mercilessly. How will I know if one of these girls has a grandma like Wanda Sue making all her clothes? Tyra likes the coordinating outfits, because she's able to make the astute observation that there is an even number of Brits and Yanks remaining. Clearly, that Harvard Business School degree is paying off in spades. She then introduces the always fabulous looking Beverly Johnson. That woman has magical genes.
The Brits get the first crits, and Alisha is told she's not modeling enough. Sophie's great. Catherine cries at panel because none of the designers liked her, but then she blames the designers for not appreciating her awesome walk. Kelly tells her to do some soul searching and maybe look at her walk in a fucking mirror before going forward. Her picture has a lot of smize, though. Ashley says her walk was too "hippie," but the language barrier makes Tyra think she's "happy." Kelly says she looks like an elf in her picture. Annaliese gets told she looks like Bev Johnson.
Up come the Yanks, and Tyra grills Laura about getting axed from Pink Tartan. Laura tactfully says that the designer was just overprotective and shrugs it off. They all like the vulnerability in her picture. Kyle looks beautiful, but she's holding her hand at a weird angle. Azmarie looks fucking hot yet another week in a row. Nigel loves Seymone's beauty shot. Kelly says that Eboni looks like a young girl out of a Matisse painting, if only he painted girls covered in maple syrup. He really lacked foresight in that sense.
Best photo of the week goes to Eboni. Followed by Azmarie, Sophie, Seymone, Laura and Kyle. This leaves only Brits (easily spotted thanks to the segregation). Alisha (who gets a lecture about dead eyes) and Annaliese (who is apparently a super shorty, if it weren't for the hair) are through to week. Leaving Catherine and Ashley, who booked no fashion shows and underwhelmed in their photos. Catherine gets to stay and Ashley's sent back to Scotland... probably because Tyra couldn't understand her. Tyra thinks that Ashley should be a host because she's filled with personality. Though probably in Scotland because they wouldn't have to subtitle her. God, what I would give to watch a show with her and Southern Laura from the season of the shorty. There'd be so much giggling, a million quaint expressions and fashions by Wanda Sue.