| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
So we've come to that point in America's Top Model cycle effing twenty where it's time to reflect on where we've been, so that we can waste more time reviewing the time that we have thus far wasted. Like a circle in a circle, like a wheel within a wheel… it's the clip show! Tyra starts off by asking how many industries we can think of where women make more than men. Modeling is at the top of the list. Stripping a close second. Tyra focused on women for many a cycle, but this year she wanted to try her hand at reverse gender equality, and also give herself some muscle-flexing eye candy to drool over. There's no looking back, she says! Or maybe there is. Now. In this clip show. Basically, we're going to get all kinds of footage of Phil jumping over shit. There are worse ways to spend an hour, I'd say.
Cycle 20 started off with rare and tender meat as it for guys who could hold their own with the wannabe model women. And how did the dude in the fur vest and translucent cape not make it on the show? Missed opportunities! Jeremy told us that he's a guy-guy who watches football, and then 35 semi-finalists were brought to L.A. to walk in a masquerade fashion show that involved smooching. Because really: none of this season is about modeling. It's more like The Real World with hair and makeup professionals. Some of the masquerade show kisses were pretty hot, though Chris H. had to settle for an awkward peck on the cheek with one of his ménage a trois partners. And then there's Marvin. He came in at #10 on the newfound and potentially ill-advised list of top flirty moments of the cycle. He chose Hayley to walk with him down the runway in the masquerade show, and fell instantly in love with her (as he is wont to do), eventually winding up with a lipstick Hitler moustache.
The casting interviews were full of weirdos, per usual, and primary among them was Phil. He had shoes that were at least 65% made out of duct tape, because he is and will always be a staunch character. Oh, and then there was transgender Virgg! Virgg was inspired by Top Model contestant Isis, and proved herself to be perhaps the sweetest human in all of history. But why linger on something meaningful when we can cut to contestants having a motherfucking walk-off backstage? Cory gives some drag ball commentary throughout, and gets to play Tyra in the panel, dropping an f-bomb in the process. The real Tyra voices over that she never uses such language. Instead, when she get worked up she just screams, "I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this!" Because she cares.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
The first round of casting cuts happened, and the final 26 moved into the Top Model house for a week. There were rooms for boys and rooms for girls, but "free spirit" Phil was comfortable anywhere. Having been a couch-surfer for some time now, Phil was totally comfortable using the in-house runway as a bed. He's rocked gazebos and park benches, after all, so a catwalk is nothing. And are gazebos typically involved in homeless life? I always thought it was more of an "under the bridge" type situation, but he makes it sound positively quaint. While Phil was readying himself for the inevitable bed of nails that would come with his Jesus makeover, Jeremy engaged in flirty moment #9. Yes, I am speaking of the time when Jeremy and Jourdan had awkward flirty times in the hot tub, with Cory facilitating. Jourdan obviously relished both the attention and the opportunity to be a complete snot to Jeremy and still have him worship her.
The first photo shoot of the season was larger than life, with models being projected onto a building as they posed. While Nina and Chris H. talked up passersby and felt like stars, Virgg didn't have such a great time of it. Since she was transitioning and going through hormone therapy, the physical demands of the shoot plum wore her out and she started to think about leaving the competition. She told Chris she could get blood clots, and he was like, "Don't stop being a role model!" Feeling unable to cope with the pressures of the competition, Virgg made the heartbreaking decision to leave. Tyra was nice about it, saying she was proud that Virgg decided to put her health first, and that she hoped she could come back to the show someday. So…I guess this means there are going to be more cycles? Or a spin-off entitled America's Top Virgg?
And then it's time for a focus on Phil, who Tyra voices over is "Cycle 20's never ending bundle of crazy." Apparently there's not time in an hour-long clip show to share every loony thing that crazy loon Phil the loon has done thus far, so Tyra is introducing them one by one in a segment called, "Cycle 20 Phil-er." And oh my God, the first clip is of Phil pretending to be Johnny Wujek backstage at a shoot, with full lisp. Many of the models look VERY nervous, though there is some serious cracking up when he grabs Jourdan and says, "So you've got thome long legth, huh?" Johnny then walks up behind him, hears it, looks at the camera and goes, "…Wow." He adds, "My lisp is not that bad, you dick." Eventually Johnny gave Phil his hat, so I guess he wasn't too mad about it. Meanwhile, where's the footage of Phil doing a Chlea impression? You know it happened.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
Sixteen finalists were named and quite thrilled with themselves until they learned they were going to have to walk down a runway that started at the top of a high building. It was a "perilous vertical runway," according to Tyra, and while Renee rocked it, sexy ice cream man Mike walked like he had dropped a load in his pants. A really sticky load. At home, Cory consoled Mike in top flirty moment #8. While Mike talks about how everyone keeps telling him to look less tense, Cory wiggles his shoulders and says, "Just get more relaxed," in the manner of one Miss Blanche Devereaux. Cory interviews that Mike is fierce, flawless, fabulous…and working on it. He tells Mike that he's good at helping people relax, bites his lip, and says there's only one way to go…up. Then Chris H. says, "Yo, did you decide if you're going bottom or top? …I mean beds." At least he didn't punch them in the nuts? And how did that not make it as one of the top ten flirty moments?
Then the models posed for a "timely" "marriage diversity" shoot. While Bianca and Chris S. struggled, Marvin felt super-great about being the one dude in a polygamy-inspired shot. He wondered if he was purposely chosen to be surrounded by lovely ladies. And this takes us to flirty moment #7, which was Marvin talking about his one condom that was about to expire. He REALLY wanted Bianca to partake in that condom before it went bad, and invited her to come to the Tyra Suite with him for a mere five minutes. Everyone called him Starvin' Marvin, though when Phil offered to come and join him for five minutes Marvin claimed not to be starving at all.
And while Marvin was distracted by Phil's advances, ice cream man Mike found a way to mack on Bianca in flirty moment #6. And hey -- this is a legit scandal! In the confessional, a wasted Mike -- still in full guyliner -- charms Bianca by telling her that he'll make her coffee, lunch, and dinner, as well as eggs before she goes to sleep. That's totally weird, but she doesn't care as she squeals while cheating toward the camera. Way to be in the moment! And then they kiss. So deep was their passionate connection, says Tyra, that the star-crossed young lovers felt compelled to take it all the way to…the bedroom. We see them together in Mike's bed, and the morning Cory wasted no time in telling everyone else what went down. This is why it's bad form to hook up with somebody in a bunk bed situation. In telling the tale, Cory also highlighted the fact that Bianca is youngest in the house and Mike is the oldest. She claimed that nothing happened, but Cory countered that he heard lip smacking. Don was just offended on Marvin's behalf, though Marvin wasn't above taking some sloppy seconds. And then, perhaps uncoincidentally, Bianca was sent home along with Chris S. in a "shocking" double elimination.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
And then it's time for more Phil-er! Phil has been the class clown all season, and Jourdan says that he's excellent at breaking the ice when things get too tense. We see him jumping -- into the pool, onto bunk beds, over furniture. Phil tells us that his aura and energy are contagious, much like his crabs. He's just there to make people happy, and also to jump over an impressively long couch.
Marvin was stoked to get best of week accolades for his polygamist marriage photo, but that soon changed as envy reared its ugly head. Chlea complained that Marvin was at an unfair advantage being put in a photo in the midst of a bunch of white girls. If she had lesbian polygamy married that bunch of honkies, she would have stood out too, she says. Marvin was happy enough to be perceived by others as a threat, though. And then Rob showed up and surprised the models with special guest Laura James, the winner of Cycle 19. And wow, I do not remember her AT ALL. And apparently I'm not the only one if they cut her entire visit. Laura was there with Rob to help test the group's ability when it came to model fitness. While some of the guys were particularly impressive, Chris H. tried to hide so he wouldn't have to showcase his inability to jump rope. He gives up on the rope and maybe cries, and everyone thinks he's more of a weenie for being so tortured about it than they would if he just jumped rope badly for a while and had a sense of humor about it. It's the trying that counts, says Renee -- not the sitting down and bitching like a little girl.
Later that week, Rob and Tyra showed the group how to make chemistry with another model. Gum was involved. Tyra talked up the importance of tension and a well-timed inhale. What we didn't see was exactly how much coaching Phil needed to come off as remotely sexy. And this is one-on-one, hands-on coaching from Tyra. He nibbles on Tyra's neck and she yells at him to grab her thigh, and Phil is generally quite happy at his mentor/mentee situation. Then there was a kinky sex shoot with Victoria's Secret supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio, who enjoyed brandishing a tickler.
That night, Nina did a glow in the dark hula hoop show. I am not kidding about this. Oddly, it ends up being kind of hot, and Jiana and Jourdan both get a little bi-curious. I mean, Nina is hula-hooping in her underwear. She has a big future ahead at erotically themed folk festivals. Meanwhile, Cory and Phil got to bond. Phil asked, "What are you thinking about…being gay?" Cory in turn asked Phil if he was thinking about the cave he crawled out of. Phil mentioned wanting to pick his nose in the Flixel, but when talk turned to makeovers Phil psychically predicted that they might shave Cory's head completely and make him look like an alien. Cory admitted that this was his worst fear, and then it came true! He was shaved bald the day, and tried his best not to cry. And though there have been tears a-plenty in Top Model makeovers throughout the years, Renee was the first to cry tears of joy. She thanked Kelly for not giving her a short new 'do, since her grandmother died of cancer and told Renee never to cut her hair. Kelly gives Renee a big hug, and Renee expresses more tearful thanks for her grandmother in a later interview.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
And then the dudes got waxed, to the great hilarity of all. Kelly waxed Cory's nature trail, and he bore it as best he could. There was more to judging that week than we saw originally, as Marvin admitted that his "youthful exuberance" could come up at unexpected times. In his kinky sex photo with Chlea, he admits to Tyra and the panel that he got aroused, but claims not to have had a boner. Rob tells Marvin that he needs to learn to control that, and then Tyra claims that when they did photo shoots together last cycle Rob sometimes moaned a little bit. Rob says that's wishful thinking on Tyra's part, and then Tyra demonstrates what he does, with Marvin. And then Marvin gets a boner AGAIN and everybody laughs at him AGAIN. Maybe he needs to take whatever the opposite of Viagra is. And then, despite being the original Marvin boner-giver, Chlea was sent home, like somebody insignificent.
Don was rattled by being in the bottom two, and only cuddling could ease the pain. We see him snuggling up to Alexandra on the couch, and he tells us that they both have anxiety issues and have been vibing off of each other. In a super chopped-up and slapped together Frankenstein of sound bytes, we hear that Don has a girlfriend but thinks Alexandra is super sexy and is the woman in the house he's most attracted to. Alex also has a boyfriend, but thinks that Don is the nicest and best looking guy and admits that there are some hidden feelings. And some not hidden cuddling.
Then there was the spinning platform runway show! The models walked under the watchful eye of Marvin Scott Jarrett, editor in chief of Nylon magazine. Phil did a great job, but in the end Jourdan was named winner of the challenge. And then the models explored trailer park chic in a local mobile home community, giving Phil a chance to practice his ignorant hick impression. Everyone started questioning Mike's ice cream truck to model journey, and he was axed.
Then it's time for another Phil-er! We all know about Phil and Jiana's romance, but apparently Phil wouldn't share her with anybody - even another girl. In top flirty moment #3 (wait…a top flirty moment that is ALSO a Phil-er? Can it BE?) Jiana and Renee took a bath together and invited Phil to join them. Oddly, he did not, and asked for a hand check. A bunch of boys hovered around to watch the bath, and Jiana said that her spark with Phil is often drowned out by how goofy they both are. And also his ill-timed chatter about his girlfriend, I would add.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
And then in a moment that is not deemed a Phil-er but sure seems like one, Phil gets into the mind of Jourdan and narrates as she gazes at her best-of-week photo displayed as digital art. He takes a moment to interview seriously that no one stands out like Jourdan, and that she's a threat to a lot of people. He then makes fun of her obviously gazing at her reflection in the window, and she finally hears him and tells him to fuck off when he says (in Jourdan character), "I'm going to go to bed now…there's mirrors there." And then he thinks it's cool that she can handle that, making the real story here Phil's begrudging respect for Jourdan.
The models then had their cross-dressing Questionable body spray photo shoot, which was a serious win for Cory. Kisses were involved, and Starvin' Marvin infamously licked Renee's face and she admitted she liked it. Back at the house, the models played a game called "Truth, Tooch or Dare." The rules are obvious. Nina got a dare to kiss her crush, and wisely laid one on Cory. Marvin was sad that he didn't get a kissing dare, and instead was challenged to slide down the runway slicked with baby oil. He refused, noting that it would irritate his sensitive skin. So delicate, that one! Phil got a dare that said, "Eat the rest of the cheesecake brownies, you fatty" and told us that he loved the game. Chris got a "Fuck, marry, kill" truth and chose Jourdan for all three, and then we had top flirty moment #2. Jeremy was dared to kiss someone of his choice for five seconds and chose Jiana. She wondered why everyone was so obsessed with kissing, and then held her lips still against Jeremy's for five seconds to fulfill his dare. The others were NOT impressed, and Chris highlighted this as an example of how to tell that a girl is not into you.
Some of the ladies formed a band with curling irons as their microphones, and sang a wishful song about not going home. Meanwhile, the guys played foosball all mellow and stuff, leading them to wonder what's up with estrogen. Sadly, band member Alexandra did indeed go home, saying that everything happens for a reason and if she's meant to come back she will. And then she did!
We are then treated to some videos in response to Tyra's entreaty for people to send in a dance routine that included a tooch, booch, no neck monster, smize, and xx20 all while using the music from Cycle 20. For all of you who actually heeded this call and made it on this show, I hope you're happy with yourself. Bonus points to the guy on crutches, though.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
Some say that imitation is the best form of flattery, and we get to see Marvin and Phil doing their best to "flatter" the panel in a previously unseen confessional. Marvin does a passable Rob, and then Phil does Kelly with a shrill, "Who has hair on their chest? This is modeling!" Marvin's Bryanboy is sort of epic, and then they also imitate video commentary by unknown fans. Marvin's Tyra involves a lot of neck-wagging and finger pointing, and may even make Phil a little nervous.
And then it's time to talk about healthy eating. While Cory tosses his salad too hard, we learn that Chris's beauty secret is raw eggs. The others are grossed out, though Chris claims it works, which I suppose is evident in how glowing his skin looks. And you may remember how, in supporting evidence of the hearty rivalry between guys and girls this cycle, the dudes taped the ladies' clothes to their beds and ceilings and everywhere else? Well, it turns out that the girls found a way to get back at them: tampons. Everywhere. They toilet papered everything they could, then spread tampons and maxi-pads all about. Marvin asked, "Are these real tampons?" while Phil used them as torpedoes. And then things went too far with the clowns that terrified Kanani. She took a puff of the inhaler, and then had to go to a nail art photo shoot. While the guys wondered how girls do anything with long nails (a question that I, too, wonder sometimes), Jeremy and Kanani struggled mightily in their shoots. Backstage, they cried, and for good reason since they were both eliminated.
Pranks are always funny, says Tyra, until someone is eliminated because of them. In the shuttle on the way home, fingers were being pointed in every direction as Jiana gave the guys a hard time about the whole clown situation. And, I mean, was it REALLY the clown-o-phobia that got Kanani eliminated? Marvin says that he can't deal with Jiana's yapping and tells her to shut up, saying that the guys have already acknowledged the fact that they're assholes. In an interview, Marvin confesses the deep dark secret that he likes Jiana and her body is nice, but she's a little too loud for him. He characterizes his feelings for her as second grade love, where if someone thinks they're pretty you push them in the mud. Cory tells us that Marvin is a sweet guy, but Jiana is definitely not into him -- a thing that everyone with both eyes and a brain (a group of which Marvin is not a member) already knew.
Then there was the challenge where everyone had to run naked down Melrose Avenue. Marvin started feeling the pressure and got peeved that Chris had a higher score than he did. The two engaged in a fairly unenjoyable battle of the wit(less), and Marvin's harsh words were too much for the other models. Jourdan tells him that Tyra would never approve of picking someone apart like that, and plus they all have acne. Marvin says that where he comes from, if someone attacks you, you come at them with all their flaws. Did Chris attack him, though? In any case, Cory says that Chris brings out the ugly in people, and Marvin looked like an ass yelling at him like that.
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
And then it's time for a critter feature! Over cycles past, there have been birds (blind ones, of course, because all birds are blind), bees, bugs, spiders, and even a cat. But this year Phil found some sort of wormy centipede thing from beyond the dead that he put on top of a Nylon magazine -- an act that scandalized Jourdan. Then everyone tried to feed the creature a Hershey's kiss, because why not.
And then there was the paint splashing photo shoot! Jourdan and Renee both did a lovely job, while Jiana couldn't get past her dead face. She was eliminated by one-tenth of a point, leaving Marvin sad that they never got to make out. And then it's time for more Phil-er! Phil puts his own stamp on everything -- his clothes, shoes, his walk, and even his bed. We see Phil set up mattresses to connect to Marvin and Don's beds. "I've seen MacGyver a lot," says Phil, who also deems himself America's Top Genius, and Renee tells us that his bed fort was actually kind of awesome.
With his top five choices of makeout partners eliminated, Marvin set his sights on Renee. They are actually #1 on the list of top flirty moments, and we see Marvin asking Renee if he can rub all over her body. He wants to know more about a dream she had -- a scary dream, in which he was in her bed and the two of them were cuddling. I got the shivers just thinking about it. Marvin wants to make this dream come true. Renee is so disturbed that she even went to top frenemy Jourdan for advice. Jourdan told her to uncover herself and not hide from her feelings, and so Renee admits that she maybe thinks Marvin is cute. As for Jourdan herself, she doesn't think anybody in the house is attractive except for the girls. She unloads that her once-suspected paramour Jeremy looked like a five year old with a man's body, because why stop insulting him just because he hasn't been there for weeks? When Renee wonders how to stop her feelings for Marvin, Jourdan advises her to think of Rob, which works immediately.
The models then got a taste of the real world as they went to castings for L.A.'s Style Fashion Week. Cory and Renee made good impressions on designers, but it girl Jourdan couldn't book any jobs. Renee REALLY enjoyed this, and emphasized that the designers' critiques of Jourdan's bland personality were on point. The week's photo shoot had models lay in the grass as production assistants threw leaves at them, and Don and Phil struggled to make it work. But even a bad performance couldn't shake Phil's confidence! In the confessional, he holds up a Nylon magazine and says he'll be on the cover once he wins the competition, then makes a variety of silly potential poses. Chris felt so good about his performance that he flirted with Johnny, and then later that night the models received a visit from Kelly "Cutthroat" Cutrone. She brought her friend, intuitive profiler Suzannah Galland. An intuitive profiler has abilities that go far beyond human, like, psychic shit. Each of the models are treated to a reading, and then things get intense. Suzannah tells Cory that he's extra animated at times, and he admits that it's like he's found something to put on that's made him feel more comfortable. She tells him to take it off and be direct, and he thinks that her advice is dead-on. Suzannah senses that Jourdan grew up with a lot of fear, and she admits that some came form her father and some from her ex-husband. She has an overall fear of men, and Suzannah tells her not to be afraid to be afraid. Jourdan cries, and Cory says it's nice to see her let her guard down -- it was one of only a few genuine Jourdan moments. His Yelp review of Suzannah is, "Girl has powers, honey."
| Season 20 | Episode Extra | Aired on 09.27.2013
And then, madness! Phil got eliminated, just in time for someone to come back into the competition! The model with the highest social media score was Alexandra, and she got to rejoin the cast. But, since this is a guys and girls cycle, one of Mike, Jeremy or Phil will get to come back and head with the others to Bali. And we'll find out who week! (It's got to be Phil, right?)
Potes will take a solid hour of Phil-er if you've got it. She can be tweeted @traciepotes or emailed at potesypotes@gmail.com.